


Lonesome Dreams

by whatname0523



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2018-12-12 23:27:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 238,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11747376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatname0523/pseuds/whatname0523
Summary: I lie under starlit skyAnd the seasons change in the blink of an eyeI watch as the planets turnAnd the old stars die and the young stars burnBut I don't really know this place,And it's lonesome here in the wide-open spaceCan it be as real as it seems?Maybe this time I won't wake from the dream





	1. The Night We Met.

**Author's Note:**

> She's not sure if she's running from something or towards something. 
> 
> Isn't that usually the same thing?
> 
>  
> 
> .

_“An unexpected drenching from a seemingly clear sky.”_

 

Christen stepped out of the front door and onto her tiny covered porch, letting the creaky screen door slam shut against the doorframe behind her.  She hadn’t gotten used to that yet, quickly making a mental note to remember to guide the screen door closed from here on out. That typical loud banging was the stuff of her nightmares.

 

She slowly leaned over the old wooden railing and craned her head up at the sky, just enough to look past the awning and spot the giant raindrops that were falling to earth.  

 

_“Huh. I guess that really is a thing…”_

 

She was talking to nobody but herself.

 

Well, maybe she was sorta talking to the stray cat that had been lying on the sidewalk leading up to her tiny house for the past few hours. But otherwise, there was nobody around to hear her.

 

The rain was suddenly coming down in heaps. Harder than Christen had probably ever seen it. When just three minutes ago, she had been looking out of the back kitchen window, at what appeared to be a sunny and perfectly clear blue sky. Then outta nowhere, it was pouring down rain.

 

She had been warned of these things.

 

_ililani._

 

That was the old Hawaiian term for it.

 

The man at the small market down the road had told her as much, when she stopped to pick up a few things the night before. The bare essentials she would need, to feel like she wasn’t going to completely starve on her own, before she could make the trip to the bigger grocery store that was several miles away.

 

It was only Christen’s second night on the island and suddenly, she felt more alone than she ever had, watching solemnly as the rain cascaded down and dotted the sidewalks until they were a darker gray than normal.

 

It only took ten minutes of her standing on the tiny porch and feeling sorry for herself before Mother Nature gave up and the cloud cover changed again. Bringing the sun back out and causing the steam to rise from the cement as the single storm cloud moved on.

 

Once the sun was back, Christen swallowed down the lump of something indescribable - perhaps longing or sadness? -  that had built up in her throat, and forced herself to focus on the good things. Even if most of them were unknown to her at this point.

 

Christen Press had always had a plan. For as long as she can remember. She’d had a plan.

 

Moving into a tiny one bedroom house all by herself, on the island of Kauai, Hawaii; well that was never part of it.

 

She had double majored in Agriculture and Nutrition at Stanford University and got basically her dream job right out of college. She was hired as a Green Buyer for Ritual Coffee Roasters in San Francisco and she spent the next four years traveling around the world all year, meeting coffee growers, taking pictures in exotic places, and tasting delicious coffee for a living.

 

She was pretty sure that life really couldn’t get any better.

 

Not to mention, she was really, really good at it. She’d be the first to admit though, it wasn’t all adventure and romance.

 

It was Christen’s job to make decisions about what coffees her company would purchase to roast, market, and sell to its customers. This meant not only making decisions based on coffee quality and price, but also keeping and managing inventory, navigating contracts, determining storage needs and usually dealing with errors in shipping and processing.

 

It was much more than a fulltime job. She traveled a ton and felt like she was constantly doing some sort of paperwork, but in the end it was really paying off.

 

So it was only natural when the bigger companies came calling. She worked her ass off to get where she was in such a short amount of time, and when you’re good at something, people always want to steal you away for themselves and make you offers you can’t refuse.

 

The first time Kauai Coffee Company called, Christen had laughed to herself as soon as the phone call ended.

 

Of course she was surprised and more than a little flattered that they had wanted to talk to her about a job, but Christen lived in the real world. There was no way she could pack up her life and move to Hawaii to work as the Senior Buyer for one of the biggest coffee growers in America.

 

That would be crazy.

 

She was going to tell them no as soon as they sent the offer letter over. Thanks, but no thanks.

 

There was just no way she could make it happen. It was too much, too soon.

 

Not to mention she had a life in San Francisco.

 

She was in a serious, long term relationship with her college sweetheart, who was in his final year of law school, and that was surely going to turn into marriage soon.

 

She had her family in Southern California, who she would visit at least once a month, and she could never be that far away from them.

 

She had a close knit group of girlfriends she’d made over the years in the Bay Area, and they kept her sane with dinner parties and happy hours every time she had more than two nights in town.

 

So, as delighted as she was by the offer, she was going to turn the job down.

 

That is, until she came home two days early from a work trip to Central America, to find her boyfriend in bed with another woman.

 

It honestly felt a little hilarious to her, how unexpectedly blindsided she had been out of nowhere.

 

He half-heartedly denied that it hadn’t been going on for a while, and then offered up boring excuses like her travel schedule and hectic work life as the reasons why; and before she knew it, Christen’s life had turned completely on its head.

 

Two weeks of intense sulking and an awkward and heartbreaking move from her boyfriend’s townhome in San Francisco, back in with her parents in LA, was all it took.

 

She needed a change before she would drown completely.

 

So here she was. Standing in her newly purchased, more-than-old existing, tiny, one bedroom house on the small Hawaiian Island of Kauai.

 

With a brand new job starting on Monday and not one soul around that she could even call an acquaintance.  

 

Work had paid to move her things and she was settling in okay. She had decided to do it by herself, after her parents gave her the option of helping her move, or visiting a month later when she was set and more on her feet.

 

With professional movers handling it all, she knew she could unpack the small stuff herself, and she knew in a month’s time, she’d need her family’s presence more than she’d need it now.

 

But just for a moment as the rain storm passed, she wished she’d at least had someone there to give her a hug.

 

Christen watched as the random stray cat stood up from the sidewalk and shook itself off, moving down towards the road before it plopped down again. She wasn’t a cat person, but she smiled to herself at the sight of the auburn colored, matted-fur feline; feeling a small sense of companionship that it hadn’t abandoned her all together in favor of a drier location.

 

She gave the cat one last glance and then turned to head back inside, feeling her stomach growl just slightly, having forgotten to eat lunch in the midst of all her unpacking.

 

She grabbed a couple oranges from the bowl sitting on the kitchen counter, peeling one and then swearing loudly to herself as the citrus juice seeped into the fresh cut on her thumb, a result of opening one too many cardboard boxes in a rush earlier.

 

When she had finished the oranges and washed her hands to get the sticky juice remnants off of them, she dramatically sighed and collapsed onto the couch in her small living room, lying in boredom and looking up at the ceiling for several minutes.

 

It was only mid-day on this Saturday afternoon and with all of her unpacking now done, she had nowhere to be and nothing to do until her job started Monday morning. She felt like she might go crazy before then.

 

She remembered then a few posters she had seen on the door of the small market down the road, when she was getting a few items the night before. Something about a surf competition that was in town all weekend. She grabbed her phone and did a quick Google search, finding the details without too much of a hassle.

 

**_2017 World Surf League Championship Tour_ **

_“With eight of the top 32 surfers on the Qualifying Series hailing from Hawaii, this week’s SuperPro in Kauai, will give them all a chance to move towards the top of the rankings and achieve that Championship Tour dream, right in their own backyard.”_

 

Christen had never been much of a surfing fan and she certainly didn’t participate in the sport, but she figured she could at least kill time the rest of the afternoon by walking down to the beach where the competition was being held.

 

It was less than a mile from her new house, and it would be something to do that kept her mind occupied, rather than focusing on her sadness any longer.  

 

Christen changed into a tank top and a clean pair of shorts, sliding her flip flops on and grabbing her purse, a towel and a bottle of water. She locked up her small house and skipped down the two steps on the front porch, down the sidewalk and out to the quiet road she now lived on.

 

It only took her twenty minutes to walk up there, not yet having her car on the Island, which was shipping over from the mainland, supposedly in time to drive to work on Monday.

 

But she didn’t mind the walk one bit. The sun was back out completely and the perfect Hawaiian temperatures made it a more than ideal way to spend the afternoon.

 

When she got to the beach, she was stunned at how many people there were. It was a legitimate surfing competition, with sponsor advertising boards and MC’s, and a giant scoreboard listing all the competitors names. And also, definitely more Bro-Tanks than Christen had ever seen at one time in her life.

 

She found a small spot on the sand, way up from the water, and kicked her shoes off, before she spread her towel out and sat down to watch.

 

It didn’t take her long to figure out that these surfers were _really_ good. This wasn’t just some backyard mess around.

 

It was both a Men's and Women's competition, and Christen had gotten there just in time to watch the last three women compete in their final run, before a winner was crowned.

 

They were the top three on the leaderboard, from what she could gather based on the last names being announced and the loud cheers being cast out by the large crowd of spectators.

 

When it came down to it, the Women’s final heat was separated by a single point on the winning side. It was that close.

 

The woman who ended up winning appeared to be a local fan favorite.

 

Christen watched as a smile formed on her face as the newly crowned Champion, who had been the last to go, swam back to shore from where she had completed her winning barrel run in the water.

 

As soon as she was shallow enough to walk, she was bombarded by a hoard of happy people, lifting her up and shaking her wildly with happy celebration.

 

Her score clicked into first place on the scoreboard and the crowd went nuts again, confirming her win to everyone on the beach.

 

When the team of people had set the woman down, she made her way up to the podium where the MC had been riling up the crowd for the past few minutes. Christen watched in amusement as the woman laughed with the MC, before she was handed a microphone of her own, being asked to recount her run and the score she received.

 

Christen was struck immediately by how big and genuine her smile was. And the way her eyes crinkled just the slightest amount in laughter at whatever good-natured teasing the MC’ing was doing at the winner’s expense.

 

She couldn’t draw her eyes away from the woman, watching as the tan brunette brushed her hair back behind her shoulder and then peeled her wetsuit halfway down her body, letting it rest casually on her hips, with a colorful bikini top being the only thing left covering her upper body.

 

“Huh..” Christen mumbled out, before her brain slowly realized it.

 

Like her voice was confirming that she was intrigued by the woman. Surprising herself as she let her eyes roam down the woman’s body from her distance in the sand. Her eyes stopping at the clear outline of abs on her stomach.

 

Christen was more than a little impressed, in a sort of admiring athletic way, at how strong and talented the woman appeared to be. And the way she was working the crowd with the microphone in her hands made Christen actually laugh along, even though she really had no idea what was going on.

 

When the woman was done on the podium, she hopped down and took several minutes to sign autographs and take pictures with all the fans around her, and Christen just watched, not being able to look away from her infectious smile, even for a moment.

 

Before long, the Men’s final heat was starting, and Christen’s attention was pulled away from the woman, back to the water where she watched in awe as the final five surfers completed their runs, before a male champion was crowned as well.

 

It was close to dinner time by the end of the whole competition and Christen packed up her things before the majority of the crowd had dispersed, slinging her purse over her shoulder and heading for home once again.

 

She really did have a newfound sense of appreciation for surfing all the sudden, no longer just assuming it was a bunch of stoners who would rather spend the day in the water than get a real job. It was a real and very challenging sport, that much was now clear.

 

She thought of the Women’s champion again as she walked back to her house, deciding she’d Google her when she got home, to see how good she actually was. Before Christen could do that though, her phone was ringing with a call from her sister, and forty-five minutes later, the thought had left her mind completely.

 

Just before Christen hung up from her phone conversation with her sister, Tyler, she was encouraged by the older woman to get out of the house for the night.

 

Christen had explained that there was a dive bar just down the road next to the market she had already been to, and Tyler told her to go have a few drinks and see who she could meet.

 

She’d have to start meeting friends and neighbors at some point.

 

What better time was there than the first Saturday she’d been on the island? She had no responsibilities to think of yet, and truly nothing to lose.

 

Christen agreed, if only to appease her sister, but when she hung up the phone and sat down on her couch again, she wasn’t sure she was actually going to follow through with it.

 

It would be weird for her to go alone and just pony up at the bar and try to make conversation with whoever showed up. Not that she wasn’t used to that, with how many people she had to talk to and meet through work. But she didn’t even know what kind of people this place drew, and for some reason it all just felt a little too desperate for her right now.

 

An hour later though, there were only so many things she could like on Instagram, and since she didn’t have tv or internet installed yet, she was at a loss of what to do with the rest her night.

 

So she jumped in the shower and straightened her hair and applied just enough makeup to look casual but completely put together. She threw a striped tank top on and a pair of jeans, and carried a sweater for later, and back she went towards town, once again walking, this time just as the sun was setting over the Pacific Ocean that was within view.

 

Christen had been at the bar for all of five minutes, having downed half of her first drink already and scrolling through a group text on her phone, when her attention was pulled towards the door. A loud and rowdy group of people walked in and made their way towards the back of the small dive bar, laughing wildly as they went. There must have been a table reserved for them, with how quickly they all found a spot in the corner of the room.

 

They were all overly tanned with sunkissed hair and most of them were wearing bro tanks, like everyone Christen had seen earlier, until it dawned on her who these people were.

 

Just as it clicked in her brain, the front door swung open again and a sightly recognizable brunette walked through the door, her big smile catching Christen’s eye from where she was seated at the end of the bar. The same smile Christen had watched earlier on the podium at the beach.

 

“Yo, dude!” One of the tanned, blonde haired men yelled to the brunette, getting her attention as if she never would have found their table otherwise.

 

Christen picked up her drink as she observed the group from afar, not really even trying to hide her curiosity. They seemed to be all of the surfers from the competition earlier. World traveling professionals, who spent the days in the water and the nights crashing the bars at wherever their next competition was being held. What a life that would be.

 

Christen would have guessed that most of the group had to be around her same age, but they probably weren’t really _her_ type of people. Then she had a thought that maybe she’d just have to adapt. Maybe these were the types of people that lived here in Hawaii and she was the one that wasn’t _their_ type.

 

Before she could let that worry her and start to stress about never making friends on this small island, her phone buzzed on the bartop in front of her, distracting Christen with another response in her group text.

 

She laughed at a few things her friends back home were saying, getting lost in the conversation again.

 

A minute later as she was typing another reply, she felt a bump into her right shoulder, pulling her back out of her thoughts to glance over and see what had happened. Her mostly empty drink on the bartop had gotten knocked over in the commotion.

 

“Geez, dude, take it easy. You just made me spill her drink.”

 

It was the brunette from earlier.

 

The one who had won the surfing competition and then smiled like it lit up the world.

 

Here she was now, still smiling and teasing the guy next to her, who had slung his arm around her shoulders and drunkenly pushed them into the bartop, seemingly causing the brunette to bump into Christen in the first place.

 

She gently shrugged the guy’s arm off of herself and then turned to face Christen, offering her a genuine apology.

 

“I’m really sorry about that.” She hummed, locking eyes with Christen for a moment.

 

Christen glanced down at the melted ice that used to be in her cup, that was now spread across the bar in front of them, before she looked back up and waved her off. “No worries, it was gone anyway. It’s getting pretty crowded in here.”

 

The woman held eye contact for a moment, still nursing a closed mouth smile as she let her eyes innocently roam over Christen quickly, before she nodded and turned her attention to the bartender who had finally approached.

 

“What can I get for you, Champ?” The bartender yelled, reaching out and high-fiving the brunette.

 

Christen focused back on her phone, not even bothering to pay attention to what the woman was ordering before she felt another nudge. This time it was a purposeful elbow that was just strong enough to get Christen’s attention again.

 

Christen looked up to see the brunette looking at her again.

 

“Huh?” She wondered, realizing she hadn’t been listening.

 

“What were you drinking?” The woman asked again with a grin. “Let me get you a new one.”

 

“Ohh..” Christen trailed off, almost ready to refuse the offer, before she just responded truthfully. “Vodka soda with lime.”

 

“I should have guessed..” The woman laughed and turned back to the bartender. “And a vodka soda with a lime, please.”

 

Christen smiled at her thoughtfulness, ignoring the slightly teasing tone the woman used to order Christen’s drink. “Thank you, you didn’t have to do that.”

 

“It’s cool.” The woman nodded, before she leaned in a little closer to Christen’s ear. “I won a bet, so my tab is on that guy over there anyway.” She nodded her head to the table she had come from and then winked at Christen with another big smile.

 

“Well then, way to take advantage.” Christen laughed in return.

 

The bartender set their beverages up on the counter and just like that the woman offered up a thanks and one last smile, before walking back to her table of friends.

 

After that, it was basically an open carousel of people who would slide up to the bar next to Christen to order drinks and make friendly small talk with her while they waited.

 

One guy in particular, a shaggy haired guy from the surfer’s group, who couldn’t have been older than 21 or 22, took quite a liking to the dark haired woman he sat down next to; chatting Christen up as she finished her second drink.

 

He was friendly enough. He was young and thought he was being much smoother than he actually was, but Christen didn’t mind the conversation too much. That’s what she came here for, after all.

 

He bragged about taking third place in the surfing competition and happily explained to Christen how all of his friends were from different countries, and that they liked to celebrate together after each competition. Hence why the loud and boisterous group was even at the bar tonight. They would all be going their separate ways tomorrow, back to wherever they came from in the world, until they found themselves together again at the next competition.

 

But by the time he had awkwardly checked her out for the fourth time, she was over it.

 

She thought about grabbing her purse and calling it a night, but before she could, she was saved just in time.

 

“Joey, dude, you're embarrassing yourself over here.”

 

Christen’s head whipped around to the person talking over her shoulder, clearly directing her comments to the young guy that was attempting to hit on Christen.

 

The brunette once again.

 

“Chad wants to show you something over at the table.” She said again to Joey.

 

The guy, for his part, quickly took the hint and nodded, standing up to head back over to their large group without another word.

 

Christen smiled up at the woman again, nodding a silent thank you, for letting her off the hook.

 

“Hey, sorry about him. I figured I’d better cut in before he drove you away.” The woman laughed. “He’s a good kid.. thinks he’s got more game than he actually does, though.”

 

“No, it’s all good.” Christen returned. “I didn’t want to be rude. He was nice.”

 

The woman looked down at Christen’s empty glass again. Like this had become an instant routine for them.

 

“Not nice enough to buy you another drink, I see.” The brunette smiled her huge grin. “See.. no game.”

 

She rolled her eyes playfully, like she was disappointed her in friend Joey’s attempt at flirting.

 

Christen just laughed and shrugged, not wanting the woman to think she expected that guy to buy her a drink just because they were talking.

 

“I’m Tobin.” She finally introduced herself, motioning for the bartender down the line again.

 

“Christen.” She smiled and locked eyes with the woman again.

 

“Would you like another vodka soda with lime, Christen?” Tobin wondered in a goofy voice, as the bartender stopped in front of them.

 

“Stop making fun of my drink order..” Christen challenged back with a laugh, picking up on Tobin’s tone once again. The same one she had teasingly used to order Christen’s drink the first time.

 

“No..” Tobin laughed again. “I’m not, I promise..”

 

“Then why do you keep saying it like that?” Christen’s eyebrows raised in question.

 

“Well I mean, it’s a little wimpy for me, but it’s fine.” Tobin defended. “You should drink what you’re happy with.”

 

“Okay, and what would be good enough for you?” Christen asked, needing to hear what wasn’t considered ‘wimpy’ to this stranger.

 

“I’m a whiskey on the rocks type of girl, but I get it, it’s not for everyone.” Tobin responded truthfully and without judgement.

 

“Fine.” Christen nodded and turned back to face the bartender who was still waiting on their order. “We’ll take two whiskey’s. One on the rocks, and you can make mine a neat, please. I don’t need ice to soften it up.”

 

Tobin’s eyebrow cocked up in an amused surprise. “Really..?”

 

“Really.” Christen shrugged like it was no big deal.

 

Tobin rested her elbows up on the bartop and held eye contact with Christen for a long moment, studying her suddenly, like she had misjudged her at first.

 

Christen didn’t shy away, feeling confident enough from her first two drinks and holding eye contact right back. Not in a challenging way, just in a curious way.

 

“Alright.. Christen, who drinks vodka with lime or room temperature whiskey..” Tobin finally relented with a smile. “Come hang out at our table. We’re much more fun than these people at the bar. I promise Joey will leave you alone.”

 

The bartender set their drinks up and Christen nodded, sliding off her stool and slinging her purse over her shoulder to follow Tobin to the back corner of the bar, where her group of friends were holding court.

 

She nursed her whiskey neat for an hour. Not because she didn’t like it, but because she realized she’d had a good buzz already and needed to slow down. She genuinely enjoyed everyone’s company as she mostly stuck close to her new acquaintance, Tobin.

 

She laughed along easily as the group of competitors by day/friends by night ragged on each other over every little thing. They were funny and carefree, and honestly, it was refreshing for Christen to see a group of people doing nothing but just enjoying the exact moment they were living in.

 

Tobin was somehow roped into a weird dance off with a couple guys, even though there was no dance floor.

 

Christen watched and laughed harder than she had in awhile, as the intriguing brunette with that perfect smile, busted out her rendition of the Running Man, as her third and final move. Ending the dance off like it was nobody’s business.

 

As soon as the half circle around the three friends had dissolved, Tobin found her seat next to Christen again, grinning happily at her self proclaimed impressive moves.

 

“Those guys had nothing on me, did you see that?” Tobin joked as she bumped her shoulder with Christen’s, sitting extra close in the crowded space in the corner. “They always want to challenge me for some reason..”

 

“You win dance competitions almost as easily as you win surfing competitions.” Christen smiled back. “I saw you out there today.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Tobin wondered with a hint of something in her eyes. “You were there?”

 

“Yeah.” Christen nodded, taking the last sip of her whiskey before it was gone. “It was my first surfing championship viewing ever.”

 

“And what’d you think?” Tobin questioned.

 

“It was really fun and I was _pretty_ impressed.” Christen explained. “I’m guessing you win a lot?”

 

“Eh, not all the time. There’s some gnarly competition out there.” Tobin shrugged, being more modest than she had been all night. “I’ve won twice this year, today and when we were in Australia a couple months ago.”

 

“That’s really cool.” Christen grinned. “Sounds like a fun way to see the world.”

 

“Yea it is. I’m not complaining one bit.” Tobin nodded with a laugh.

 

She was about to say something else when her phone dinged in her pocket. She reached for it and looked at the screen quickly.

 

“Ohh.. it’s time.” Tobin hummed, raising an eyebrow to Christen.

 

“Time for what?” Christen asked in oblivion, not knowing what Tobin was referring to.

 

Tobin looked around at her group of friends, eyeing them all as they were drunkenly lost in various conversations, before turning back to Christen.

 

“Want me to show you something?” Tobin asked. “I was going to tell everyone else about it, but they all seem too drunk to care at this point. It’d probably just be too much work to round them up right now.”

 

Christen still didn’t know what Tobin meant but she nodded anyway, just deciding to go with it. “Alright, sure.”

 

“Cool.” Tobin stood up and put her phone back in her pocket, motioning for the door with her head. “Follow me.”

 

They slipped through the crowded bar and made their way to the door, pushing it open and stepping out into the night air, feeling much less claustrophobic all the sudden.

 

Christen took a deep breath and let the wind cool her down, before she turned to watch where Tobin was headed. The brown haired woman didn’t break her stride as she walked across the small parking lot, back towards the sandy beach across the road from the bar.

 

“Where are we going?” Christen wondered without concern.

 

“So.. the Perseids Meteor Shower is happening tonight.” Tobin explained, spinning around and walking backwards as she spoke, not wanting to stop her movements. “According to my Astrology app, it’s supposed to happen in about ten minutes, and the beach should be dark enough to get a good look at it.”

 

They found a spot close enough to the water so that they were off the road and not bothered by headlights, should any cars drive by. It was pitch black out, but the sky was so clear, Christen could see more stars than she probably ever had before. It wasn’t like anything she was used to growing up with the smoggy filled night skies in LA.

 

They sat down close to each other and just talked softly as they waited, with Tobin pulling up the Astrology app on her phone and reading the description of this supposed event to Christen.

 

“So it says, the Perseids Meteors often leave long trails. The shower is generated by debris from Comet ‘Swift Tuttle’. This comet takes 130 years to orbit the sun, and passed through the earth’s part of the solar system back in 1992, leaving lots of fresh comet debris that leads to particularly good showers.”  Tobin read out loud.

 

“Damn, that was a long time ago.” Christen hummed. She looked up as one bright spark caught her attention in the sky.

 

“Did you see that?” The dark haired woman asked, looking over at Tobin quickly with excitement.

 

“Yeah, kind of..” Tobin smiled. “It must be starting.”

 

Sure enough, within a few minutes, several bright sparks dotted the night sky, coming fast and bright into view, shooting across the sky and then fading out in a few short seconds.

 

“Holy shit!” Christen gasped, jumping up to her feet when five or six of them hit the sky in their view at the same time.

 

Tobin laughed and stood up next to her, both of them with their heads tilted back and looking up over the ocean water in front of them.

 

It lasted for maybe five minutes, random streaks of burning comets blazing through the night sky, before it seemed to have ended again.

 

“That was incredible.” Christen whispered, still standing shoulder to shoulder with Tobin as they just processed the beauty of what they had witnessed.

 

“The stars and the sky are one of my favorite things.” Tobin nodded in agreement. “It’s crazy how it looks different everywhere you go, but also so similar.”

 

“I know.” Christen agreed. “It also feels like you can connect with anyone, no matter where you are, as long as you look up at the sky together.”

 

“Doesn’t it just make you feel so small?” Tobin wondered then. “And grateful for your tiny place in this world?”

 

Christen smiled and looked over at Tobin, just looking at her in silence, letting a smile play at her lips. Tobin tilted her head back down at the same time and smiled back at the woman next to her through the darkness, holding eye contact. Her soft brown orbs suddenly seemed so inviting and calming to Christen.

 

“We’re so lucky to exist.” Tobin said again with a shrug. So simply.  

 

Christen wasn’t sure what made her do what she did next.

 

Maybe it was the two vodkas and one whiskey neat she’d drank earlier, still feeling the effects of the buzz in her bloodstream.

 

Or maybe it was that for some reason, Tobin was just easy to be comfortable with. A familiar seeming stranger, standing next to her for one night only.

 

Or maybe it was that pesky lonely feeling she’d had inside of her for a while now, rearing its ugly head once again, even when she’d had more fun tonight than she’d had in awhile.

 

Whatever it was, it came out of nowhere.

 

Before Christen could even process what she was doing, she reached up and cupped Tobin’s chin lightly with her hand, turning her head enough to place a firm but gentle kiss to Tobin’s lips.

 

They both let out a breath as their lips were connected, before Tobin squared her body to the dark haired woman’s, grabbing onto her waist with her hands and moving her lips in return, to kiss Christen back.

 

It was slightly foreign to both women, but it also felt like it wouldn’t take that long for them to learn each other, if this kept up.

 

The kiss maybe lasted all of twenty seconds, them moving their lips together slow and tentatively, before they heard a loud yell from the parking lot across the road.

 

“Tobin, are you out here?” Came a man’s voice in wonder. “Danny and Sarah are leaving and they want to say goodbye.”

 

The words startled both Tobin and Christen and they slowly let go of each other, taking a half step back as they broke their kiss.

 

“I, ah..” Christen started, letting her eyes drift open, immediately feeling like she needed to explain what she had just done.

 

“Sorry..bad timing.” Tobin whispered and then let out a small laugh, cutting Christen’s words off. “I won’t see those guys again after tonight, so I should probably go say bye quick.”

 

“No.. yeah, of course.” Christen nodded too quickly.

 

“Okay.” Tobin agreed. “I’ll just run over there quick and be right back, okay?”

 

She was having fun with Christen and whatever _that_ was that had just happened between them, the brunette was intrigued.

 

“Okay.” Christen nodded, taking another step back from Tobin.

 

Tobin backed up with a smile on her face for a few steps, until she spun around and jogged up the sand, crossing the road quickly, out of Christen’s line of sight.

 

 _“What the fuck was that?”_ Christen chided to herself out loud as soon as she was alone.

 

Like she wanted an explanation from herself, about why she just kissed a random girl in the middle of the darkness, that she had just met two hours ago.

 

She ran her hand through her hair and took a few deep breaths, suddenly feeling embarrassed by her actions, even if Tobin hadn’t seemed to mind.

 

And now that she was embarrassed, she couldn’t just hang around and see if Tobin would come back. What if she wasn’t actually into the kiss and just felt like she had to be nice?

 

Christen was pretty sure _she_ wasn’t even into the kiss.

 

_Was she?_

 

How could she be, she never did this.

 

She didn’t kiss strangers and she didn't stay out at bars by herself on Saturday nights.

 

The more she thought about the last two hours, the more overwhelmed she became, until her feet were moving up the sand and back to the road, heading for home as her thoughts swirled around in her head, not waiting to see if Tobin would even come back.

 

 _“It’s fine, Christen.”_ She mumbled to herself as she walked. _“She was nice and fun and you’ll never have to see her again, so who cares?”_

 

She almost had herself convinced that it was no big deal, by the time she made it to her new front yard.

 

Tobin took ten minutes to say goodbye to her friends that were leaving, before she exited the bar again, walking casually back to the beach where she had left Christen, hoping to pick up where they’d left off.

 

She looked up and down the dark sand when she didn’t spot her again and let out a long sigh when she realized the beautiful green eyed woman had all but disappeared.  

 

Tobin didn’t have her phone number or even know her last name, and all of the sudden, it felt like Christen had never been there at all.

 

Tobin hung out alone on the beach for a good fifteen minutes just to make sure, before giving up and finally making her way back towards the bar.

 

Alone when she didn’t want to be. With one thought on her mind.

 

_Damn._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've kinda had this idea for a while now and it will probably be more of a slow burn that you usually get from me.. 
> 
> Shall I continue?


	2. She Lit a Fire.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps my chance was then, I'll never know.
> 
>  
> 
> .

 

Christen rolled over in bed and took a deep breath before she even opened her eyes. She could tell by the freshness that was in the air that it had rained overnight. Her small bedroom window was open and the scent of dewey grass was filling the room now.

 

So far, that was her favorite thing about Kauai. How fresh and clean and natural everything seemed all the time.

 

She could hear some sort of exoctic sounding birds chirping from the trees lined along the edge of her grass, knowing that was probably what woke her.

 

She opened her eyes slowly and looked up at the ceiling, recalling the way she had downed a giant glass of water and then threw off her clothes and collapsed into bed the night before, barely staying awake long enough to pray that she wouldn’t have a hangover come morning.

 

She was pleasantly relieved to find that was the case now, feeling surprisingly refreshed from her solid night of sleep. Unaffected by the few drinks she’d had.

 

That content feeling only lasted a few seconds though, before she remembered the rest of the events from the night before.

 

A pang of embarrassment flashing through her again quickly, sending her stomach into a tight knot, for just a moment.

 

Christen had always had a problem with this type of thing.

 

She’d do something that wasn’t a big deal, but that she felt personally embarrassed by, and the next thing she knew, the thoughts of that particular event would creep into her mind at the most random times. Just to remind herself that she had done something she wished she hadn’t.

 

Like one time in seventh grade, she spoke up in front of her science class and told a joke that absolutely nobody laughed at, and now that memory of awkwardness still enters her mind, out of nowhere, at the weirdest times.  

 

She’s used to overthinking everything.

 

Now though, she was working on it. She was in the process of changing almost everything about her life and she had vowed that worrying and over analyzing every situation would be something that she worked on too.

 

She wanted to loosen up and just start going with the flow of things more. It would take some time though, obviously, changing how she approached life as a whole. Almost like she was going to have to rewire her brain.

 

 _“I guess kissing random strangers is a good place start..”_ Christen’s gravelly morning voice spoke out loud to herself, as she sat up and pushed all of her thoughts away again.

 

She climbed out of bed and grabbed a sweatshirt from her dresser drawer, throwing it on as the cool morning breeze chilled her, before she made her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face.

 

When she was done, she brewed herself a cup of coffee and then sat down at her little kitchen table with the copy of _Island Living Magazine_ she’d picked up at the airport the other day.

 

She didn’t have anything to eat for breakfast left in her house, but figured she’d at least get some caffeine in her system, before she ventured back out into the world in search of some sustenance.

 

Hopefully today would be the last day of her walking to the close parts of town, with her car expected to arrive in port and be undocked by the shipping company this afternoon. She was still trying to figure out how she was going to get to the other side of the small island to retrieve it, but that was a solution best left for after coffee.

 

As she sipped on a medium roast blend, right from the care package that Kauai Coffee Company had left waiting for Christen when she showed up at her new house, she browsed the magazine for where to start today.

 

An article about the five best bakery and coffee shops on Kauai caught her attention quickly, and it didn’t take long until she’d had her mind made up.

 

Kilauea Bakery was one of the “local hidden gems” listed, and the magazine touted the place as having the best macadamia nut danish in Hawaii. Plus, it was close enough that she could get there without driving, so Christen was game.

 

She diposited her dirty cup in the sink to deal with later and made her way to the bathroom to shower and get ready, before she could set out on her path to town once again.

 

The stray cat she had seen the day before was still hanging around, this time lying up on her small porch, startling Christen a bit as she exited her house.

 

The soft meowing of the feline distracted her enough that her wooden screen door banged shut against the house again.

 

Christen jumped at the sound of it, looking around to make sure her non-existent neighbors hadn’t seen her, laughing at herself and the frightened face she had surely made.

 

 _“Why are you so jumpy?”_ She asked herself softly, removing her hand from over her heart and bounding down the porch steps to the sidewalk.

 

She realized then that she had to start meeting some actual friends soon, before this talking to herself thing became an issue. She probably looked like a crazy person.

 

Christen made her way to the small bakery about a mile and a half from her house, jumping small puddles on the side of the road that had formed from the rain overnight. It must have poured harder than she thought, and she was surprised that it hadn’t woken her up at all.

 

The blue sky was out fully now though, and the cool breeze felt perfect against the warm morning sun as she walked.

 

Before too long, Christen was holding her phone up in front of her face, trying to find the entrance of the literal ‘hidden gem’ of a cafe, walking back and forth a couple of times on the sidewalk, before she located it. The door of the cafe was tucked away in a small courtyard behind a trading shop that was facing the road.

 

She felt like she had learned some sort of local secret by the time she stepped through the glass door and into the bakery, hearing the soft bell above the door frame chim at her arrival.

 

The place was fairly crowded with how small it was, a few groups of people sitting together on the couches in the room and several others sitting alone at small tables. Christen glanced around the place as her eyes adjusted from being out in the sun a moment ago.

 

“Aloha!” An older lady greeted Christen from behind the counter with a big smile.

 

“Aloha.” Christen smiled back, using that classic Hawaiian greeting for the first time and giving her a small wave.

  
It made her laugh softly, the fact that people actually said that word, instead of it just being a thing they did in the movies. It was cute in a comforting type of way.

 

“What can I get for you this morning?” The lady asked with a smile, waiting as Christen stepped up to the counter, looking at the menu above her head.

 

“I’ve had my mind set on a macadamia nut danish my whole walk over here.” Christen responded. “Do you happen to have any of those left?”

 

“We do, yes!” The lady nodded happily, pointing to them in the glass case of baked goods.  

 

“Perfect, one of those and a small latte, please.”

 

“For here or to go?” The lady asked again.

 

“Ah.. to go, I guess.” Christen answered as she glanced around another time, not sure she’d find a place to sit.

 

Christen paid for the items before the lady let her know they would be up at the end of the bar in just a few minutes.

 

She moved down the counter to where the condiments and coffee lids were, letting her eyes scan the various ads and music posters that were lining the walls as she waited patiently for her coffee and breakfast.

 

“You know, had you waited another minute, I would have told you to go with the mango danish instead of the macadamia nut one.”

 

Christen’s head turned slowly as her eyes followed a path from the wall, over to the person the voice belonged to from behind, her eyes settling on her quickly.

 

“Waiting obviously isn’t your strong suit, though, so I can’t say I’m shocked.”

 

It wasn’t unkind, the way she said it. More so in a teasing tone than anything.

 

“You’re.. kidding me..” Christen mumbled out as her brain processed who the figure standing behind her was.

 

“No, I’m dead serious.” Tobin smiled, picking up the half and half canister on the counter next to Christen and pouring a little into her piping hot black coffee. “The mango danish is way better.”

 

“I…” Christen started, an involuntary smile spreading across her lips at the sight of the brunette in front of her. “What are you doing here?”

 

Tobin grinned back, clearly pleased with herself and the sudden surprise she had given Christen this morning.

  
“I’m having coffee and breakfast with some friends.” Tobin shrugged pointing to one of the couches where a few people were hanging out.

 

With only a quick glance, Christen wasn’t able to recognize any of them from the night before.

 

“Oh..” Christen nodded, until a confused look crossed her face. “I figured you would have been gone by now, is all.”

 

“Gone to where?” Tobin wondered, taking a sip of her coffee and holding eye contact with Christen as she did.

 

“I don’t know?” Christen explained. “To wherever you’re from.. Didn’t you say everyone was going home today?”

 

Tobin chuckled softly. “Huh, I guess I didn’t actually explain that last night, did I?”

 

Christen just shook her head, waiting for Tobin to tell her where she was from.

 

“I live here on Kauai.” Tobin hummed then, getting to the point.

 

“Just a couple blocks down the road, actually. I come here a few times a week for coffee and to chill out.”

 

“Maggie over there..” Tobin turned and pointed to the lady behind the counter that took Christen’s order originally. “Gave me my first job ever. So I stop in as much as I can.”

 

Christen looked to where Tobin was pointing and the lady waved back in a friendly manner, before Christen looked back at Tobin standing next to her.  

 

“She even still tries to put me to work sometimes.” Tobin said with another smile, looking down at the coffee lids on the counter, trying to find one that would fit her to-go cup.

 

“You live here?” Christen asked again, just to make sure she was understanding this correctly.

 

“Yeah.” Was all Tobin said, unsure of why Christen wasn’t keeping up.

 

“..Of course you do.” Christen laughed a little awkwardly, shaking her head to herself.

 

“Is that a bad thing?” Tobin questioned aloud, cocking her head just the slightest amount in wonder.

 

“No.. no.” Christen waved her off, trying to be cool about it. “I just didn’t expect you to, I guess.”

 

They looked at each other in silence for a moment, before Christen cleared her throat. Just then her order was set up at the end of the coffee bar, so she took a couple steps away from Tobin to grab the pastry and her own cup of coffee.

 

Tobin took a couple steps with her, continuing the conversation. “So, I lost ya last night..”

 

She was speaking as though she was totally confident and comfortable talking about the one thing Christen had been avoiding even thinking about since she woke up.

 

Christen’s face must have portrayed her uncomfortableness now, making Tobin laugh again.

 

“Yeah.. sorry about that..” Christen tried to smile. “I just got..”

 

“Freaked out?” Tobin cut in, reading the emotions on Christen’s face now.

 

“..Tired?” Christen tried to counter, not really using a very convincing voice.

 

“Tired.” Tobin nodded like she was deciding to believe her and not press it any further. “Hmm. That’s a bummer.”

 

Christen looked down at her coffee again, unsure of what to say.

 

“Well, I had fun with you.” Tobin said when Christen didn’t respond, her tone quieter and a little less outwardly confident now.

 

“Yeah, it was a fun night. Your group of friends are crazy.” Christen agreed. She was being serious, and outside of the strange ending, she really had enjoyed herself.

 

“See, you should have stayed..” Tobin nodded. “Now you’ll never know how the night ended.” she winked playfully.

 

Before they could say anything else, Tobin’s attention was called from where her friends were sitting on the couch.

 

She was always being interrupted at the worst times.

 

“Tobs, your phone has rang, like, three times.” A small freckled woman yelled to where they were standing.

 

“Oh, shoot.” Tobin turned around to look at her friend and gave her a thumbs up before she turned back to Christen.

 

“You should get that.” Christen insisted, putting a lid on her own cup and picking up her pastry. “Don’t let me keep you.”

 

“Ah, yeah I will.” Tobin nodded. “Did you wanna sit with us or..”

 

“Oh, no.” Christen refused quickly. “I actually have to go do a thing..”

 

“A thing?” Tobin questioned, clearly not buying it.

 

“Yes.” Christen smirked devilishly, finally looking up at Tobin again and nodding firmly once. “A thing.”

 

“You’re not even gonna attempt to come up with a believable excuse?” Tobin laughed, flat out knowing that Christen was lying.

 

Christen blushed a little at being called out, but before she had to defend herself, they were interrupted again.

 

“Tobin, your phone, dude!” Tobin’s friend yelled out another time.

 

Tobin was getting annoyed. _“Okayyyy..”_ She shushed over to the couch another time.

 

“Just hang out for a little bit, we’re all going to the beach in a while, so we won’t be here much longer.” Tobin tried again to get Christen to stay.

 

“I really can’t today.” Christen bit her bottom lip, starting to back up towards the door without offering much more of an explanation. “Have fun though!”

 

Tobin stood there amazed as Christen smiled and turned on her heel without waiting for Tobin to say anything else, walking to the door and exiting out of it just as quickly as she’d come in five minutes ago.

 

When Christen got outside and far enough down the road to not be seen from the coffee shop, she veered off towards the beach along the road and sat down in the sand, unwrapping her danish and taking a big bite.

 

She sat and watched as the waves crashed to the shore, as she finished the whole thing. Humming in happiness at how good it tasted after every bite. She was in no rush to leave the beach as she sipped on her coffee, until one of those huge gray storm clouds suddenly appeared out of nowhere again, like one had done yesterday.

 

“Uh oh..” Christen murmured to herself, standing up and balling up her trash, before she grabbed her purse and coffee cup and bolted for the road again.

 

She didn’t get very far at all, before the storm cloud opened up and drenched her within a few seconds. Giant rain drops hitting her, with nowhere to go for cover.

 

“Is this _really_ going to keep happening?” Christen yelled out a little louder, to nobody in particular.

 

She tucked her phone into her purse so it wouldn’t get too wet, before putting her head down and trucking towards home.

 

She barely even registered anything other than where her feet were hitting the pavement, until an old pickup truck came to a stop on the road next to her as she walked.

 

“Did you at least want a ride?”

 

Christen looked over and almost rolled her eyes. Of course _this_ was happening.

 

She stopped walking and turned to face the truck, spotting Tobin sitting inside of it with a big grin on her face. She was leaning over towards the passenger side and had the window rolled down so she could yell out of it easily.

 

“I don’t have much further to go.” Christen explained. “It’s not a big deal.”

 

“Christen, you are soaking wet.” Tobin laughed.

 

Christen looked down at herself and then busted out laughing too, to keep herself from getting overtly frustrated. She was sure she looked like a mess.

 

“You have a keen sense of observation.” She glanced back up at the truck and returned sarcastically.

 

“Just get in.” Tobin shook her head, leaning back over to the drivers side completely, without waiting for Christen to refuse her again.

 

Christen relented and turned towards the pickup truck, deciding not to argue any longer as she reached for the door handle and slid up onto the seat.

 

“What are you, some sort of weird hobo who walks everywhere?” Tobin joked with a smile.

 

“Shut up..” Christen beamed, gathering her wet and now curly hair in one hand and pulling it over her shoulder, before she looked over at Tobin and laughed.

 

Tobin just watched her with admiration for a moment, not putting the truck in drive yet. The windshield wipers were making a soft streaking noise against the windshield, filling the void of silence so it wouldn’t turn awkward.

 

“What?” Christen asked a little softer, looking back over at Tobin when she noticed the brown eyed woman was staring.

 

“Nothing.” Tobin whispered with a shrug, her eyes roaming over Christen’s gorgeous curls for another second. Christen watched her until they made eye contact, as Tobin held her gaze with the deep green pools that were Christen’s eyes.

 

It probably didn’t last as long as either of them felt like it did, but finally Tobin swallowed and broke her stare, reaching for the shifter and cranking it into drive once again.

 

“So, where to?” Tobin spoke to quell the silence that seemed a little too thick at the moment.

 

“My house is just about a mile up the road.” Christen pointed out ahead of them.

 

“Cool.” Tobin nodded.

 

“I thought you were going to the beach with your friends?” Christen remembered then what Tobin had said earlier, as they drove along slowly. “Did the rain shower change your plans?”

 

“Nah, this’ll only last a few minutes.” Tobin motioned to the clouds above them. “I was headed that way when I saw you walking.”

 

“Oh..  I really can walk if you need to get going, it’s not that far.” Christen felt bad, like she was ruining Tobin’s morning now.

 

“I’m in no rush.” Tobin looked over at Christen. “I’m there all the time.”

 

“Well, thank you.” Christen smiled. “I’ll be getting my car this afternoon, so you won’t have to worry about picking up my hobo-self anymore.”

 

She winked to let Tobin know she was fine with the earlier joke.

 

“Aww, man.” Tobin pretended to whine. “Then you’ll actually be able to avoid me with ease. Next thing I know, I’m just gonna see you zooming past me around town, pretending you didn’t notice me at all.”

 

They both laughed at that visual, as they got close to Christen’s turn, which she pointed out. “It’s the next right.”

 

Tobin nodded and didn’t press her comments any further, putting her blinker on and following the road that Christen had told her to take.

 

“I wasn’t avoiding you though, for the record.” Christen spoke up again when it had been silent for a few seconds.

 

“Sure you weren’t.” Tobin laughed with an unbelieving nod.

 

“I wasn’t!” Christen turned to face her, a little surprised that Tobin was being so forthright at calling her out for the second time this morning.

 

“You said you had _A Thing,_ Christen..” Tobin pointed out.

 

“And that  _Thing_ was my car.” Christen tried to play it off. “I don’t know when they’ll be calling for me to go get it, so I didn’t want to be gone that long.”

 

Tobin just chuckled and went quiet again.

 

“This is my place.” Christen pointed to the driveway they were coming up on now.

 

Tobin slowed down and pulled into Christen’s short driveway. The stray cat was still there and he got up with a little effort, scurrying out of the way as Tobin’s truck came to a stop.

 

Tobin reached up and put her truck into park again. She turned in her seat enough to look over at Christen fully.

 

“Okay, maybe I was avoiding you slightly..” The dark haired woman finally conceded, knowing Tobin wasn’t going to leave without talking about it.

 

“..But don’t you think it’s a little strange to just kiss a random girl and then make small talk with her about it afterwards?”

 

“I mean..” Tobin started to smile. “If I remember correctly, you were the one that kissed me.”

 

Christen blushed again and rolled her eyes, until Tobin laughed.

 

“Okay, fair enough, I kissed you.” Christen admitted, even though she hated doing so out loud.

 

“You did.” Tobin confirmed like she was happy about it.

 

“I’m sorry about that. It won’t happen again.” Christen looked out her passenger side window. “I have absolutely no idea where that came from.”

 

Tobin sighed, not unkindly. “Well, it wouldn’t be the end of the world if it did happen again.”

 

Christen looked back over at her, biting her bottom lip at Tobin’s words.

 

“It won’t..” Christen responded barely above a whisper, with her words a little too delayed to be completely withstanding.

 

“And I’m also sorry for being weird about it and just leaving last night. It’s just that.. I haven’t kissed anyone but one particular person in a very long time, and it more than caught me off guard when I realized what I did.”

 

Tobin nodded and looked down at the steering wheel. “And where is that person now?”

 

“No longer in my life..” Christen half felt like laughing, and half felt like crying. She swallowed quickly, forcing herself to keep this conversation light.

 

“Wanna talk about it?” Tobin questioned softly, without turning her head.

 

“Not at all.” Christen replied quickly with a firm shake of her head.

 

“Okay..” Tobin obliged her request, finally turning to look back over at Christen. “Wanna make out again?”

 

Tobin wiggled her eyebrows until Christen laughed, getting the reaction she was looking for.

 

“Not gonna happen.” Christen smiled a little easier now.

 

It was comforting for Christen to be sitting next to this person that she had just met the night before and feel like she could talk to her about anything.

 

Here they were, casually joking about kissing each other, when just minutes ago, Christen had been stressing over being embarrassed by it. And it was all because Tobin made her feel comfortable with herself, in a way not many people did.

 

“Why not?” Tobin wondered then, still smiling but actually wanting to know.

 

“Tobin..” Christen almost blushed again. “Because.”

 

Tobin pulled one leg up on the seat and rotated her body fully so she was looking directly ahead at Christen.

 

“No, come on.” She smiled, clearly still trying to ease Christen’s mind. “Let’s hash this out.”

 

Christen laughed but didn’t respond.

 

“Did you think I was a bad kisser?” Tobin asked, hoping that wasn’t the case. She’d been told several times that she was a very good kisser and couldn’t have Christen thinking she wasn’t.

 

“No.” Christen quickly shook her head, not wanting Tobin to feel bad about her skills. “I mean it was pretty short, but you were good.”

 

“Okay, whew!” Tobin jokingly wiped her forehead. “Had me worried for a moment.”

 

Christen laughed again.

 

“You’re a good kisser too, by the way.” Tobin continued, reaching out and poking Christen’s arm teasingly. “In case you doubted your skills.”

 

“I didn’t..” Christen winked. “But thanks.”

 

“And you really don’t want me to kiss you again right now?” Tobin asked, only half serious, just wanting to see what Christen was going to say.

 

“Nope..” Christen laughed, trying not to let her mind wander to what that would be like. “It’s not going to happen.”

 

“So that’s it, huh..?” Tobin was still smiling in reflection. “You just go right for it on the first night and then swear to never kiss me again?”

 

“Seems that way..” Christen nodded, her face red from laughing.

 

“What a bummer.” Tobin sighed, resting her head back against the seatback.

 

“I have a feeling you kiss a lot of people.” Christen shrugged. “I’m sure you’ll live.”

 

Tobin gave her a slightly guilty smile in return.

 

Before Tobin was forced to actually admit to it, Christen’s phone started to ring mutedly from inside of her purse. Tobin straightened up a little bit, watching as Christen dug around, trying to get her hands on it.

 

She finally located her phone in the seemingly black hole that was her giant handbag, answering the incoming call from the shipping company quickly. They would be delivering her car within the hour.  

 

When she hung up she looked over at Tobin and smiled.

 

“I have to go. Thanks for the ride and for making me feel better about last night.”

 

“I think you mean  _Mahalo_.” Tobin corrected, offering up a shaka sign with her thumb and pinky fingers, shaking her hand lazily to Christen.

 

“Right, Mahalo.” Christen agreed.

 

“Anytime.” Tobin nodded.

 

Christen pulled on the door handle and pushed the passenger side door open, sliding off the elevated seat onto her driveway, before shoving the heavy door closed again.

 

She slowly walked around the front of the pickup truck as Tobin leaned out her drivers side window and watched the dark haired beauty as she went.

 

“Have fun at the beach.” Christen waved.

 

“I will.” Tobin nodded, before it dawned on her. “Wait, so.. Do you want my phone number or something?”

 

Christen turned around, walking backwards up her small sidewalk towards the house.

 

“Nah, that’s alright.” She smiled and Tobin couldn’t tell whether she was serious or not.

 

“But how will I know when you’re ready to make out again?”

 

Christen rolled her eyes playfully and stopped before she got too far away.

 

“..Maybe I’ll see you around?”

 

Tobin just nodded.

 

“It’s a small island, Christen. I’m sure you will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll be meeting a few more characters in the next chapter who may throw a wrench or two into some things..


	3. We Went Wild.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I thought good times could last forever.  
> Long nights and perfect weather.
> 
>  
> 
> .

_“Knock, knock..”_

 

Christen stepped back from the tall bookcase that she was busy alphabetizing, turning towards the door with her eyebrows raised, looking to see who had stopped by to say hello.

 

She had been busy unpacking some boxes in her brand new office; trying to get rid of some of the clutter that had piled up throughout the week that she hadn’t had time to clean up yet and arranging things to make them as useful as possible.

 

It was Friday afternoon and she had just about completed her first full week of being the Senior Buyer at Kauai Coffee Company.

 

The week had gone better than Christen had even expected it to and she was exhausted, but also happy to have a couple days ahead of her to decompress before it started all over again.

 

Most of her time had been spent around various parts of the coffee plantation, meeting every single person who worked there, no matter what their job title was.

 

Her head was spinning with new names and faces, while also trying to keep up on all the demonstrations she’d received about how the coffee was grown, harvested and roasted, right there on the estate.

 

So her five day work week felt like it had flown by in about two.

 

Now she was taking a little _me_ time to herself, to close out her day. Trying to organize her own messy work space, so everything would be a little calmer when she started fresh on Monday.

 

She was ready for a small break now though, happy to be interrupted by whoever it was that was knocking on her small office doorway.

 

“Mana, hey!” Christen waved when she saw who it was, motioning for her to come in.

 

Christen plopped down in the giant black leather desk chair that had been grandfathered into her office, leaning back in it a little as her new coworker entered the room.

 

“Hey, Boss.” The woman, Mana, smiled in return.

 

She sat down in the chair across the desk from Christen and dropped her purse to the floor.

 

“..What did I say?” Christen questioned with a laugh.

 

Mana was one of the Walking Tour Guides at the Estate, who spent her days giving Tourists a look at how the plantation was maintained and operated everyday.

 

She didn’t report to Christen at all.

 

“That I am in _no way_ your subordinate, and to stop calling you ‘Boss’.” Mana laughed in response.

 

“Exactly.” Christen nodded. “Don’t make me write you up.” she teased with a friendly wink.

 

Mana’s grandmother had worked at the plantation fifty years ago when it was still a Sugarcane farm. Christen had reasoned that if anything, Mana might as well be _her_ boss, since she was so tied to the place.

 

“Got it, Not Boss.” Mana saluted like she was still following orders, causing the two to laugh again.

 

The joke all started because one of the Roast Masters, Mike, had been introducing Christen to everyone as _the Most Important Person_ to now work there; and Mana just took that to mean Christen was in charge of her now.

 

“The last tour of the day just finished, so I wanted to check in and see how your first week went before I head out,” Mana explained.

 

Christen grinned, feeling like they were friends already. “The week was incredibly hectic but also really fun.”

 

“Yeah? You’re not going to abandon us already?” Mana questioned.

 

“Nope.” Christen shook her head. “I’m here as long as they’ll keep me. And as long as I can learn fast enough.” She glanced around at all the binders and work materials scattered about.

 

“Perfect.” Mana smiled. “Anyway, now that it’s confirmed that you’re not my boss, I figured I was allowed to invite you to hang out.. A bunch of friends are coming to my Luau tomorrow night, would you be interested in joining us?”

 

“A Luau?” Christen wondered back. “Wow, that sounds cool. Where is it at?”

 

“Out at my family’s place on Paradise Cove. A bunch of people from here are coming too and we’d love for you to come as well. Ya know, make you part of the ‘ _ohana._ ”

 

“That sounds really great, I’d love to.” Christen nodded. “I haven’t been to a Luau in years, and that one probably wasn’t nearly as cool or authentic as I’m guessing yours will be.”

 

Mana was native to Hawaii and other than college, she had spent her whole life living between Kauai and the Big Island.

 

“Awesome, I’ll text you the address and all that.” Mana smiled as she stood up from the chair, picking up her purse off the floor. “I’m getting outta here. Don’t stay too late, Boss.”

 

“I won’t..” Christen laughed and shook her head, giving Mana a wave. “See ya.”

 

Christen busied herself for another hour, getting lost reading over some documentation she found about the history of the Kauai Coffee Plantation.

 

Not that she hadn’t done all of her research before she accepted the job, but something about reading old notes and trade secrets from harvesters and growers who had worked on the grounds in the past, really captivated Christen. There was so much history in the land here and she was excited to be a part of it going forward.

 

Finally, when Christen’s stomach was growling too much to ignore from a lack of dinner, she called it a night and headed for home.

 

She had been planning to do some exploring on the south side of the island, as a way to stay busy on a Friday night, but after the week she’d had, she all but passed out on her couch as soon as she was finished eating dinner.

 

An early night to sleep meant she was up way earlier than she had planned to be on Saturday morning.

 

Christen was never much for sleeping in, but she certainly didn’t rush out of bed on the weekends either. Especially now that she was doing things on her own, there really wasn’t much of a point.

 

But of course, on the first morning she could sleep in all week, she was awake as soon as the first crack of sunlight had shown itself on the horizon. The birds outside her window hadn’t even started chirping yet.

 

She somehow felt like it always worked that way.

 

Christen tossed and turned for a few minutes, before she gave up and climbed out of bed, deciding she might as well get a workout in and hopefully some meditation down by the beach before it got too busy for the day.

 

So she made sure her hair was tied up in a high pony and she slipped into her trusty old Nike running shoes and figured she’d start her day the best way she knew how.

 

It was another gorgeous morning, which she noticed as soon as she stepped out onto her porch and caught the screen door behind her, locking up her front door quickly.

 

She saw the stray cat in his usual spot on the sidewalk, feeling like by now he had become a trusty friend. And for once she wasn’t rushing off to make sure she wasn’t late for work, so she bent down and petted it softly, giving the kitty some solid attention for a moment.

 

“Hmm, seems like we’re gonna be pals.” Christen hummed to the cat. “What’s your name, buddy?”

 

The cat let out a soft meow and Christen smiled like it was responding. “I’m gonna call you Gus.” Christen decided on the spot. “I’ll see you after my run, Gus.”

 

The cat meowed again and Christen stood back up, heading for her car while making a mental note to pick up some cat food next time she was at the store. If Gus was going to hang around and be a friend, she might as well be a friend back and feed him.

 

Christen took a couple minutes to drop the top of her Mini Cooper convertible with the California plates still attached, and then started it up, heading for town.

 

She smiled the whole way, feeling freer than she had lately, cruising down the quiet road in her own car, without anywhere in particular to be.

 

She sang along to Cyndi Lauper’s ‘ _Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’_ , as she drove, and it wasn’t lost on her how perfectly fitting the song was for the current place she was in, in her life right now.

 

She hadn’t felt this optimistic in quite a while, but she certainly wasn’t going to question it.

 

Christen made it to the beach across the street from the bakery and cafe she found last weekend and parked her car, leaving the top down and making sure anything of value was hidden from plain sight or locked in the trunk.

 

She had decided she’d do some meditation first, and then take a jog along the waterfront path, before she grabbed a cup of coffee and maybe a pastry or two to take home with her.

 

The views were pretty spectacular as the sun was still fully coming up, and she almost had a hard time concentrating on her zen state of mind because of it. There was barely anyone out and about with how early it was, and she found it serenely peaceful as she sat there.

 

Watching as the sky changed from a deep purple to a soft pink and then to a more vibrant orange; until the sun was high enough that it was just a round ball of light, contrasting against the blue sky.

 

When she was done and felt like she had totally cleared her mind, Christen plugged her headphones in, tightened her shoelaces again, and stood up; starting to walk up pathway along the beachfront, before breaking into a slow jog.

 

By the time she had finished her three miles and made it back to her car, there were several more people around, with a few cars lined up along the curb where she’d left her car.

 

She did a double take as she caught her breath again, spotting a familiar looking pickup truck parked a few spaces down from her own. A dark green Ford Bronco with a surfboard strapped to the roof.

 

It couldn’t have belonged to anyone else, she was sure of it.

 

Christen glanced up and down the beach but couldn’t spot the brunette owner of the truck anywhere, feeling just a little bit bummed all of the sudden, though she wasn’t sure exactly why.

 

She kicked off her shoes and then grabbed a pair of flip flops that she had brought along, sliding them on and grabbing her purse from the trunk, before she made her way across the street to the bakery.

 

Christen was waiting in line behind a few people, pondering what she should get, when her memory flashed to the conversation she’d had with Tobin last week, about how good the mango danish was. She hadn’t really realized it, but her thoughts had been focused on the mysterious woman with that killer smile for a few minutes now.

 

When it was Christen’s turn, she stepped up to the counter and ordered a latte and the mango danish, feeling like she should at least give it a shot.

 

She waited patiently at the end of the bar for her coffee and pastry and then sat down at a small table to eat, laughing right away, as soon as she took her first bite.

 

Yeah, the mango danish was better.

 

She kind of couldn’t believe how good it was, smiling in enjoyment as she took a few more bites, almost wanting to curse Tobin for being _so_ right.

 

And then, she suddenly had a thought.

 

Tobin’s truck was right outside and she could grab another mango danish and leave it for her to enjoy whenever she returned to it; feeling like she kind of owed her that much.

 

Like some sort of thank you for the ride and conversation last weekend.

 

Christen bought a second pastry when she was finished with hers and exited the bakery a few minutes later, striding over to Tobin’s truck across the street. Suddenly smiling to herself at the fact that the top was down today and she could easily reach inside of it.

 

She set her purse down on the ground and dug around in it, until she found a stack of small post-it notes and a pen she kept in there, ripping one off and scribbling out a quick note.

 

_Hope your morning has been as good as mine. You’re right, the mango danish is better._

_See ya around._

_x x x_

 

She laughed softly to herself about how clever she thought she was being with those x’s, hoping Tobin would be able to pick up on the joke of them. It was vague enough to keep some air of mystery but also pointed enough that Tobin would be able to figure out who it was from if she gave it any thought.

 

Christen stuck the post-it note on top of the bag the danish was in and stood up, reaching over the driver’s side door and setting it gently on the seat in front of the steering wheel, making sure it was visible when the door was opened.

 

_“Hey! What are you doing in my car?”_

 

Christen was jolted by the surprising sound of a young voice, not being able to place who it belonged to, as she pulled her arm back out from inside the Bronco.

 

She felt herself blush quickly, turning around to deny that she was doing anything wrong.

 

Her eyeline dropped to find a small child standing there behind her.

 

She couldn’t have been more than seven or eight. Dark curls cascading down her shoulders and a tiny wetsuit on, with her hands on her hips like she meant business.

 

“Oh my gosh, is this your car?” Christen wondered in honest surprise, looking down at the little girl gently.

 

“Uh huh.” The little girl nodded.

 

“I’m sorry..” Christen tried to smile, to seem like she wasn’t a creep. “I must have gotten confused. I thought it was someone else’s.”

 

“Who’s did you think it was?” The little girl asked, her face scrunching up at the question, closing one eye so she could keep looking at Christen, even though the sun was shining in her eyes.

 

“Oh.. A friend’s..” Christen shrugged, bending down to pick up her purse off the concrete.

 

“Oh.” The little girl nodded, seemingly appeased by that answer. She turned around as she was still talking. “Well, can you help me with this?”

 

She had a small surfboard sitting up on the walking path next to the parked cars, and she was pointing to it now, like she was asking for Christen’s help to lift it.

 

“I have surf lessons soon and we’re gonna be late.” The little girl continued.

 

Christen wanted to ask so many questions. Like who this girl was, and where her parents were and why she was all alone; but she had just been caught reaching into her car, so she decided not to press her luck.

 

“Ah, sure.” Christen nodded and dropped her purse again.

 

“I just hafta put it in the back.” The girl said simply, pointing to the open back end of the truck and acting like she trusted Christen enough already to help her.

 

Christen laughed and picked up the short surfboard easily, walking towards the back of the truck with it in her hands, her eyesight blocked with the board out in front of her.

 

_“Peyton, I told you, you can’t leave the store without me. I didn’t know where you were...”_

 

Christen heard another voice now, though she wasn’t able to see the person it belonged to.  

 

She was pretty sure she recognized the voice though. It was pretty distinct.

 

Christen spun around with the surfboard still in her hands, her eyes going wide when she saw Tobin walking up to the car.

 

Tobin’s eyes went just as wide in return.

 

“Christen?” Tobin asked in a completely confused tone. “What the heck..?”

 

“Ahh..” Christen started, smiling back guiltily. “Hey..”

 

Christen was suddenly struggling with the surfboard, like she was nervous and couldn’t get a good grip on it. Tobin noticed and strode over to her, taking it from her quickly.

 

 _“Sorry, but you were talking forever!”_ The little girl explained to Tobin, as she stood in front of her and Christen. Oblivious to the two adults weird interaction that was happening.

 

Tobin just ignored the child’s comment, looking at Christen as a smile spread across her face.

 

“What are you doing here?” Tobin wondered. She moved around to the side of the truck and threw the small surfboard into the back end easily, freeing her hands and looking to Christen again.

 

“I was running on the beach and..” Christen stopped. “Wait, this is your car, right?”

 

“Yeah.” Tobin nodded, jingling her keys a little for effect.

 

“I told you it was!” The little girl chimed in, looking up at Christen again.

 

Both adults looked down at her and she huffed a little at not being believed before she spun around and skipped over to the passenger’s side door.

 

The child was clearly over this conversation as she climbed up into the front seat of the Bronco, shutting the door like she was ready to go.

 

“Who is that?’ Christen almost whispered to Tobin, forgetting about the car discussion completely.

 

Tobin smiled a little. “That’s Peyton.”

 

“Oh..” Christen nodded as she whispered again.

 

She paused as everything was clicking into place in her brain. Figuring out why a small child was climbing into Tobin’s truck with her.  

 

And then her voice went a little quieter. “Wait, please tell me you aren’t m-a-r-r-i-e-d?”

 

Tobin started to laugh, speaking back in a slightly louder whisper. “She can spell, Christen.”

 

“Are you!?” Christen whispered back again, feeling a slight amount of panic rising inside of her.

 

She would literally crawl into a hole and die if she had kissed someone who was married. Whether she knew it at the time or not.

 

“No..” Tobin chuckled comfortably again. “I’m not married.”

 

“But you have a kid?” Christen asked then, feeling herself calm down slightly, but still being shocked at how caught off guard she was.

 

A child was basically the last thing she expected Tobin to have, given how their first couple interactions had gone. She got the impression that Tobin did as she pleased on her own, with no serious responsibilities, whatsoever.

 

Before Tobin could answer, Peyton leaned over to the driver's seat and noticed what Christen had placed there earlier.

  
  
“What is this?” The child asked, holding up the wrapper with the danish in it, so Tobin could see.

 

“Oh.. I left that for you..” Christen tried to explain quickly, hoping Tobin wouldn’t pay it any attention now.  

 

She couldn’t be that lucky, though.

 

Tobin reached for the package and plucked the note off the top of it, before she started to read it aloud, smiling the whole time.

 

 _“...You’re right, the mango danish is better. See you around..”_ She paused and then laughed.

 

“Wait.. are those what I think they are?”

 

Tobin pointed to the three x x x’s that Christen had written on the bottom of the post-it note.

 

“Are those supposed to be kisses, Christen?” Tobin teased in a highly entertained tone, cocking her head up in wonder.

 

“That was a joke..” Christen whispered again. She was blushing heavily, not making eye contact with Tobin. “You know, cause of the other night. I wasn’t planning on being here when you read it..”

 

“Uhh, huh..” Tobin hummed, totally not buying it and loving how sheepish Christen seemed now.

 

Before Christen could defend herself anymore, Peyton leaned over the driver’s side door again.

 

“Come onnnn, we have to goooo.” She whined. “We’re already gonna be late..”

 

“Peyton, we’re not gonna be late.” Tobin responded in a mellow tone, unconcerned about being rushed by the little girl. “I gotta talk to my friend Christen for a minute.”

 

Tobin then opened the wrapper that the danish was in and pulled it out, smiling as she took a big bite of the pastry.

 

“Thanks for the breakfast.” Tobin smiled at Christen with her mouth full.

 

She handed it over the door of the truck towards the little girl. “Here, PJ, have a bite. You like this one.”

 

When the little girl was distracted again by the breakfast pastry, Christen turned back to Tobin, raising her eyebrows and silently asking for a simple explanation of the situation.

 

Tobin took the hint and gave in slightly, pulling on Christen’s arm and dragging her towards the back of the truck.

 

“She’s not my daughter. It’s a long story and I promise I’ll explain, just.. not right now.”

 

Christen nodded and gave in. “Okay. I mean, I’m not judging, it’s totally fine, I was just surprised..”

 

“I get it.” Tobin smiled kindly.

 

She was used to this type of thing.

 

“Is your friend coming surfing with us?” Peyton yelled then, referring to Christen. “Cause we hafta be there at 10!”

 

Tobin started to laugh at the young girls innocent questioning.

 

“I don’t know? Christen, are you coming surfing with us?” She asked the question a second time, this time directing it at the dark haired woman, even though she didn’t expect her to say yes.

 

“I can’t I have stuff I’ve gotta get done around the house.” Christen started to explain.

 

“Oh, well I mean, you have all day..” Tobin countered. “Can’t you do that later?”

 

“Actually, I’ve got plans later.” Christen smiled suddenly, like she was almost bragging about having something to do. “I’m going to a Luau!”

 

“Really? Tonight? So are we.” Tobin smiled in surprise. “My good friend, Mana, she throws the best Luau’s every year. I’m stoked.”

 

“Wait, _Mana_ , Mana?” Christen asked then, trying to remember her last name.

 

“Mana, Mana, Shim.” Tobin chanted back in a catchy tone.

 

“Yes, Mana Shim!” Christen nodded. “Hey, that’s the one I’m going to!”

 

“I’m going too!” Peyton yelled from the car with another mouthful of food.

 

Christen and Tobin both laughed at her goofiness, turning to look at her for a moment.

 

“How did you meet Mana?” Tobin questioned then.

 

“I work with her.” Christen explained excitedly. “She’s super awesome.”

 

“Yeah, she is..” Tobin laughed. “She’s one of my best friends.”

 

“My god, this is a small island.” Christen sighed amusedly.

 

They looked at each other with smiles on their faces for a moment, until Tobin snapped out of it, looking down at her watch. “Shoot, we probably should get going..”

 

“Yeah totally.. sorry about all this.” Christen waved her hand around. “This did not go as I expected.”

 

“It’s all good.” Tobin shrugged happily. “It was actually a nice surprise.”

 

Christen smiled a little and turned around to pick up her purse off the ground again.

 

“So it sounds like I’ll see you later then?”

 

“Yeah, you will.” Tobin agreed, thinking for a moment. “Actually, do you wanna just ride with us? It’s a little confusing to get all the way out there if you’ve never been there before.”

 

“Oh, I don’t wanna impose..” Christen shook her head, quick to refuse Tobin’s offer.

 

“You’re not.” Tobin shook her head. “Peyton and I can pick you up. It’s on the way, anyway.”

 

Christen thought it over for a moment and then nodded, feeling like it would be better to arrive with someone, rather than trying to walk up to the party alone and feel awkward about it.

 

“Ok, sure.” Christen nodded. “That would be nice.”

 

“Cool. How ‘bout like, 7:00?” Tobin questioned, opening the driver's side door.

 

“7 works for me.” Christen confirmed.

  
“Byeeee.” Peyton yelled with a wave of her small hand, causing both adults to laugh again.

 

“Bye, have fun surfing.” Christen gave one more wave and turned around, heading back to her car to let her thoughts run wild about what had just happened.

 

Christen made her way home and spent most of the afternoon doing some online shopping, trying to find things like curtains and bath towels and a few pieces of artwork to hang up around her new house. Trying to make it feel more homey, now that she had fully moved in.

 

But by the time she had clicked through several websites without much luck, she gave up on her search, in favor of picking out an outfit for the night ahead.

 

She wasn’t nervous, she kept telling herself.

 

It was going to be a fun way to meet some new friends and also to spend a little more time with the one person she felt like she simultaneously knew well already, but also knew nothing about.

 

Besides what kind of car she drove and what she did as a job, Christen couldn’t tell anyone a single factual thing about Tobin. Yet, she felt so comfortable around her already, like they’d known each other for awhile.

 

When she sat down to paint her fingernails at the kitchen table, she realized why that was.

 

Tobin was just one of those people who had charisma. It was evident right from the start.

 

It made Christen realize she was happy she had met Tobin, and it made her want to get to know the mysterious brunette a little better.

 

By the time Christen’s nails had dried and she had showered and curled her hair, the afternoon had completely gotten away from her, and she glanced at the clock, noticing it was almost 7:00.

 

She double checked her makeup and triple checked her outfit in the bathroom mirror, until she heard the soft rumble of a truck pull into her driveway, just past the agreed upon time.

 

Christen took one last deep breath and headed for the door, making sure the lights were off before she locked up and hurried outside.

 

Peyton was buckled in the backseat of the Bronco, which still had the top down and Tobin was sitting cooly in the driver’s seat, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel as they patiently waited on Christen.

 

She offered them a small wave when she rounded the front of the truck and Peyton looked up with a big smile on her face, calling out to Christen before she even reached the door.

 

“You look like Moana!” The little girl squealed in delight, looking at Christen with wide eyes and a huge grin. “Your hair is curly like mine!”

 

Christen had gone with the soft curled look tonight, with her hair wavier than it’s natural tight curls usually were. She had a long skirt on and a tight gray halter top that stopped just at her hips, showing the smallest bit of skin in between the top and her skirt.

 

She felt like it was Luau appropriate and the little girl seemed to agree quickly.

 

“Toby, isn’t she pretty?” Peyton asked then as Christen pulled open the door of the truck.

 

Tobin smiled and gave her a once over of her own, nodding in agreement with the child.

 

“Yeah, she is.” Tobin winked at Christen once she was in the front seat. “Hey there.”

 

“Hi.” Christen smiled back, looking over at Tobin who was in a denim button up and a pair of short blue shorts. She then turned around to look at Peyton, loving the little girl’s purple dress. “You look really pretty too! Purple is my favorite color.”

 

“Me too!” Peyton smiled.

 

Tobin waited for Christen to buckle up and then backed out of the driveway, heading down the road the opposite way from town.

 

It was almost a twenty minute drive from Christen’s place, out along the winding two lane road that ran along the ocean. Christen was mesmerized by the scenery of the tree covered mountains in the distance, with the blue ocean water to their left. Even though she’d been on the island for ten days now, she was still stunned at how outright gorgeous it was.

 

They parked down a dirt lane, with several cars already lined up on both sides and made their way up to the party, finding Mana and a few people milling about at the edge of the driveway to greet the guests as they arrived.

 

“Hey you three.. Good timing.” Mana waved from a distance. “I actually was excited to introduce you guys, and here is my opportunity.”

 

Christen and Tobin looked at each other as Peyton ran on ahead to say hi to some other people standing around.

 

“Why are you looking at each other like you know each other?” Mana wondered before they could say anything.

 

“Oh, well we kind of do..” Christen jumped in.

 

“Yeah, dude.” Tobin smiled at her friend Mana. “We actually have already made o--.”

 

Christen pinched her arm quickly, stopping Tobin’s words before they could get all the way out. She didn’t need her new coworker knowing she had kissed one of her friends the first night they met.

 

“We met.” Christen spoke up, like she was saying what Tobin was going to, only louder. “At the bar last weekend. Funny coincidence, actually.”

 

 _“Oww.”_ Tobin whispered under her breath to Christen, before forcing a smile back at Mana. “Small world, huh?”

 

They took some time to introduce Christen to the rest of their friends that were hanging around. There was Kelley, the small freckle faced woman that Christen had seen from a distance at the bakery last week, Alex and her husband Servando, Brianna, who Tobin surfed with and some of Mana’s family.

 

Christen was trying to keep up with names and faces for what felt like the millionth time that week, but everyone was so friendly that she wasn’t complaining.

 

They all made their way to the backyard of the property where Mana’s grandparents lived, doing the traditional Lei’ing to each of the guests. Christen laughed as Peyton spun around in her dress once she had the flower necklace draped around her neck, looking like a tiny Hawaiian princess.

 

The house and surrounding land were right along the coastline called Paradise Cove, with giant palm trees lining the grassy area and then leading down to the rocky beach that opened up the Pacific Ocean a few hundred yards away.

 

There was a fire pit that was already lit and several tables and chairs set up, where people were hanging about. Mana drug Christen over to the makeshift bar and got her a drink, before they all found their spots, before the traditional kālua was dug up from the coals and dinner was served.

 

After the feast was done, most guests watched some of the Native Hawaiian dancers perform and then settled around the small fire to hang out for the rest of the evening.

 

Tobin and Peyton had sat at a different table throughout dinner and were now huddled in a group a few yards away, talking animatedly to a few older people that Christen hadn’t met yet.

 

She was watching them from across the fire pit, sipping her drink as she just observed for a moment.

 

Peyton was tugging on Tobin’s arm like she was trying to show her something and then both of them laughed when Tobin bent down to hear what she had to say.

 

Christen was captivated by it all, especially the little girl and how close and familiar she was with Tobin, more-so than anyone else around.

 

She was doing tricks like lying down on the grass and making her body stiff and then making Tobin pull her up from the ground with one arm. Like some sort of weird game they were playing.

 

Tobin was the best sport about it the whole time, pausing her conversation to pay attention to the child, before picking up where she had left off again easily when the child was content.

 

And then when Peyton got bored of their game, she let go of Tobin’s arm and just skipped around in circles, dancing and spinning freely like a happy kid.

 

It made Christen smile for no reason in particular.

 

Tobin glanced up and caught Christen’s eye for a moment, smiling in return and then turning to her group and excusing herself. She made her way around the firepit to where Christen was standing, checking in on her.

 

“Everything okay?” Tobin hummed softly when she came to a stop in front of Christen, noticing she had been standing alone for a bit.

 

“Yeah.” Christen nodded truthfully. “It’s just fun to watch everyone. You all seem so close.”

 

Tobin smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I guess we are.”

 

She looked at the almost empty drink in Christen’s hand and then looked around for a moment, before raising her eyebrow. “Wanna sneak away for a bit and take a walk?”

 

Christen was hoping this was going to be the chance for Tobin to explain her situation, and she jumped at the opportunity.

 

“Yeah.” Christen agreed. “That would be fun.”

 

Tobin turned around and motioned for Christen to follow her and they made their way around the fire again and across the grass, towards a well-marked path leading out towards the ocean.

 

They cut through some long grass and then came out near the edge of the rocky beach, walking along the path until it widened enough that they could be side by side. The waves crashing to the shore just in the distance.

 

It took a few minutes, but finally, they reached a clearing where there was a bench and a few lit tiki torches that surrounded an open lookout area, and Tobin stopped and took a seat, looking down as if she wanted Christen to join her.

 

“Mana’s family added this bench here a few years ago, and I swear it’s one of the best places to watch a sunset that I’ve ever seen.” Tobin explained. “I wish I got out here more.”

 

The sun had been down for a while, but the tiki torches around the small area made it easy enough to see each other through the darkness. The moon was lighting up the rest of the sky and the dark water out in front of them.  

 

“This whole place is phenomenal.” Christen smiled. “I can’t even imagine this being my family’s land.”

 

Tobin just nodded but didn’t respond, letting a comfortable silence fall over them for a moment.

 

“So..” Tobin sighed and turned to Christen with a grin.

 

Christen laughed back at her. She knew Tobin could tell she was dying to ask a million questions, but she was trying to be patient and let Tobin bring it up. The brunette was finally about to put her out of her misery.

 

“So, you’ve been surprising me a lot since I met you.” Christen decided she’d start there and see where Tobin would take it.

 

Tobin laughed and nodded. “I could say the same to you.”

 

“That’s fair.” Christen conceded with a shrug.

 

They both shook their heads and then Christen spoke again. “Okay, so you said you don’t have a daughter, but I’m not gonna lie.. it seems like you have a daughter.”

 

She just decided to go for it and not tip-toe around the subject any longer, feeling comfortable enough with Tobin to do so.

 

Tobin nodded and looked at Christen, understanding quickly why she would get that impression.

 

“Yeah, it’s a..” Tobin stopped, trying to find the best way to start. “It’s a long story.”

 

Christen just looked at her through the darkness, watching how Tobin’s features softened in the dim lighting of the tiki torches, waiting for her to speak again.

 

“I don’t know how to start, and I don’t talk about it that much, since basically everyone who lives here already knows, but..”

 

“That’s okay.” Christen tried to ease her worry. “I don’t have any expectations, I promise.”

 

Tobin felt a little better with that, just deciding to dive right in.

 

“So, when I was 17, my very best friend in the whole world and I moved here to Kauai.” Tobin started to explain. “I grew up in New Jersey, actually. But I knew I had always wanted to live somewhere where I could be a surfer, and Hawaii was the ideal location.”

 

Christen nodded, letting her continue.

 

“My parents were skeptical, but supportive enough and my best friend was set on coming with me too. I mean, we had done everything together in life since we met at daycare when we were three years old.”

 

“So you both moved here together?” Christen wondered.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin nodded. “The day after high school graduation. I wasn’t even 18 yet for another few days, but I couldn’t wait any longer. So we packed up a few suitcases each and bought one-way tickets to Kauai with our graduation money, and I guess we never really looked back.”

 

Christen smiled at their bravery, knowing she would have never done something so carefree.

 

“So Jessie, who was my best friend..” Tobin continued. “Her mom and dad were pretty against her moving here. They were very strict and wanted her to go to college and she had never really gotten along with them anyway, so it was a strained relationship from the start.”

 

Tobin took a breath before speaking again.

 

“Anyway, we had been living here for a couple years and doing well enough, and Jessie met a guy who lived over on Maui. They dated for a while and she ended up getting pregnant. We were only 20 at the time and obviously they weren’t married, so her parents freaked out and, like, flat out disowned her at that point. I mean, they were really, really awful to her.”

 

Christen swallowed, thinking what that would be like, but not wanting to speak and distract Tobin from her story.

 

“The guy split on her after that, before she even had given birth and so she just figured it out and decided she was going to keep the baby, and she had her right before her 21st birthday..” Tobin explained again.

 

“I was there to help support her. But it was kind of just us two. I mean, my parents would definitely check in on us a lot but they weren’t here to help or anything. All the sudden there was just a baby around.”

 

“Peyton?” Christen guessed then.

 

Tobin nodded and looked up at her again with a fond smile. “Peyton.”

 

Christen grinned, silently urging her to keep going.

 

“And everything was okay. It was hard as hell but she was making it work. She found a second part time job while we were still doing the local surfing tour and trying to make it big time.”

 

“Wow, seems like a lot.” Christen agreed. “That must have been super hard.”

 

Tobin took a moment to swallow the lump in her throat, clearing it once before she continued.

 

“So.. a little over four years ago now.. We were out surfing over at Hanalei Bay, trying to practice for one of the competitions coming up and the waves were crazy that day. Bigger than we had probably ever seen them here.”

 

“I had just finished my last run and Jessie said she was going to do one more since she was feeling pretty nervous about the upcoming competition. I had paddled into shore already when she took a huge wave, probably like a twenty footer or higher and she fell mid way through one of the barrels.”

 

Christen didn’t say anything, not wanting to interrupt again.

 

“Her board must have hit her or something because she got knocked unconscious. A few of us who were around on the beach tried to swim out there after her, but we couldn’t get there in time and she was pulled under too long and..”

 

Tobin stopped and took another breath.

 

“Oh my gosh, Tobin..” Christen whispered.

 

Tobin just nodded and bit her lip for a moment, before confirming what Christen was thinking.

 

“Yeah, and so she didn’t make it.. By the time the Coast Guard got to her, she’d been underwater for about four minutes. And it was too late by then.”

 

Christen’s mouth was hanging open in shock. She didn’t know what to say.

 

“So, ever since then, it’s kinda just been me and Peyton.”

 

Tobin’s mood lightened up a little more, thinking of the child. She had gotten through the hardest part of the story now, and wanted to focus on the good parts again.

 

“I mean, we have a ton of help, of course. Our neighbors take her all the time, and Kelley and Alex and all them, they watch her all the time. But for everyday life, it’s me and her. Jessie had signed some documents after Peyton was born that made me her legal guardian if something happened, and so I guess, here we are..”

 

Christen had no idea what to say. She just sat there looking at Tobin’s face, trying to convey how much sympathy she had for the whole situation.

 

Tobin took her silence as a sign to continue, so she did.

 

“My parents tried to get us to move back to Jersey. They wanted to help out and said Peyton could live with them and that they would take care of her, but I can’t surf from there and honestly, Peyton is part of this island. So we stayed, and to be honest, I don’t think we would ever be able to leave now..”

 

“Tobin..” Christen whispered. “Wow, I don’t even know what to say.”

 

“That’s okay. You really don’t need to say anything.” Tobin shrugged. “I get it, it’s a lot.”

 

They sat there for a few minutes and just let it all sink it, listening to the waves crash against the rocks, feeling comfortable enough to just be silent.

 

“So where was she last weekend when I met you?” Christen wondered after a bit, knowing she hadn’t seen the child at the surfing competition or anywhere else after that.

 

“She was on Oahu with our neighbors Sam and Rosie. Their grandkids live over there and Peyton has been good friends with them her whole life. They try and babysit her when I have competitions or when I’m traveling, so it’s easier on all of us.”

 

“That makes sense.” Christen hummed.

 

“Plus, it gives me some time to decompress and just be a normal, single 28-year-old.” Tobin smiled almost a little guilty at that.

 

“Gives you time to get strangers drunk and hope that they kiss you, you mean?” Christen teased, knocking shoulders with Tobin so she knew she was joking.

 

That worked to lighten the mood again and Tobin laughed a little, admitting it to Christen.

 

“Okay, yes, sometimes I like to kiss pretty girls at the bar on my free weekends. But I guess I’m not gonna feel bad about that. Cause most of the time my weeknights consist of figuring out how to explain second grade math, or learning to cook anything other than mac and cheese, or doing loads of laundry all the time from that messy little kid.”

 

Christen smiled, looking at Tobin with a completely new perspective. “Good. You shouldn’t feel bad about it at all.”

 

Tobin just nodded and they were quiet again. Christen scooted a little closer and put her hand on Tobin’s back for a moment in support.

 

“You seem like a really special person, Tobin. I can already tell that.” Christen hummed, before pausing and smiling. “And she calls you Toby? That’s so cute.”

 

Tobin laughed a little. “She’s the only one who gets away with that, so don’t get any ideas.”

 

“That’s adorable.” Christen giggled. “I’m glad she has someone like you.”

 

They spent another couple minutes sitting on the bench, feeling like they were finally getting to know each other a little before they realized they had been gone a while and that it was getting late.

 

Tobin led Christen back to where the group had been gathered around the fire and they found Peyton sitting on Kelley’s lap, half asleep, with her head tucked into Kelley’s neck.

 

“We should probably head out.” Tobin mentioned quietly to Christen, hoping she wouldn’t care to be leaving before everyone else. “It looks like PJ has had enough for one night.”

 

Christen smiled and nodded and they spent a couple minutes saying goodbye to the group, before Tobin carried Peyton to the car and buckled her into the backseat.

 

They drove back to Christen’s mostly in silence, both of them reflecting on everything that had been shared between them tonight.

 

Christen’s heart felt so full because of it. Sad at the circumstances, but full from how much love there was within that group of people.

 

For the first time in a long time, she was looking at other people with a sense of admiration, knowing how caring and truly _good_ they could be. She saw it in everyone she had met tonight, and especially now in Tobin.

 

Tobin came to a stop in Christen’s driveway and put her truck in park for a moment, making sure not to rush Christen out.

 

“Thanks for the ride.” Christen half whispered, not wanting to wake Peyton who was sleeping in the back. “And for everything else tonight. I had a great time with all of you.”

 

“Me too.” Tobin nodded truthfully. “I’m glad we could talk some more.”

 

Christen reached for the door handle and then stopped herself, turning around to face Tobin quickly before she got out.

 

“Can I see your phone for a second?”

 

Tobin smiled and unlocked her phone, handing it over the console to Christen. Christen typed her number into it and saved it under _Christen Press_ , handing it back over to Tobin to look at.

 

“There, now you have my number.” Christen smiled.

 

“Christen Press.” Tobin read the new contact out loud, just now learning Christen’s last name.

 

Both of them realizing then how much they still had to learn about each other.

 

Christen reached up and grabbed Tobin’s shoulder, asking for her attention again. “Text me when you make it home?”

 

Tobin held eye contact with Christen for a long moment, smiling softly at the woman next to her. “Yeah, I will.”

 

Christen’s smile widened and she gave Tobin’s shoulder a squeeze before she retracted her hand and opened the passenger door.

 

“Night, Tobin.” Christen waved and smiled before she pushed the door shut.

 

Tobin let out a long sigh before she drove off, talking to nobody in particular now.

 

“..Goodnight.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you let me know your thoughts on this one? I'm hoping it translated as well as I wanted it to, but it's always hard to tell when you're the writer and not the reader. Thanks, friends!


	4. Ends of the Earth.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To the ends of the earth, would you follow me?  
> There's a world that was meant for our eyes to see.
> 
>  
> 
> .

_Select a site with full sun to light shade and well-drained soil._

 

Christen had been walking around her small front yard for a few minutes, glancing up at the sky to see what part of the property got the most direct sunlight. Making sure she found the best possible spot away from the surrounding trees before she started to dig.

 

She was reading the directions on the back of the packet of Plumeria flower seeds she had purchased this morning, trying to figure out how to plant them once she found a suitable spot. They were native Hawaiian flowers, which were supposed to be big and beautiful when they bloomed, but Christen had never grown them before.

 

Flowers had kind of always been her thing ever since she was little, and she was pretty certain that love had come from her grandmother.

 

For as long as Christen could remember, her grandma claimed that ‘ _flowers were the sunshine, food, and medicine for the soul.’_

 

And these days, Christen was into trying just about anything that could possibly make her soul a little happier.

 

She figured if she poured all her energy into living her days as fully as possible, it would help to quell the soft heartache she felt inside of her, every time she laid in bed alone at night.

 

She hated sleeping alone and she was admittedly still getting used to it again. She’d had her down moments, but slowly and surely she was starting to move on, one day at a time. Taking care of herself first and doing the things she loved most were really starting to help.

 

She had talked to her grandmother on the phone yesterday and the older woman encouraged her to try her hand at gardening now that she actually owned a home. With nothing better to do on this Sunday morning, Christen figured today would be a good day to start.

 

Once she found a good place along the edge of the cement walkway that was leading up to her house, she grabbed the small garden shovel she had purchased and got to work.

 

Gus was interested in what she was doing, making his way over to the pile of things Christen had laying out in the yard and sniffing them all curiously. She smiled and gave the cat a few pats on the head, before he sprawled out in the sunshine next to her, content to nap while she worked.  

 

Twenty minutes later, Christen had the soil dug up and the Plumeria seeds planted and was giving them a good watering, when she heard a soft engine rumble and the gravel rustle at the edge of her driveway, like someone was pulling into it.

 

Christen turned around from her kneeled position in the grass to get a look at who it may be, smiling a little when she spotted that now familiar green truck.

 

It was unexpected but not at all unwelcomed.

 

As soon as the truck came to a stop, Peyton was flinging open the passenger side door and jumping down onto the driveway. She had a tank top and shorts on and her long, curly hair was flopping around on top of her head in a messy bun.

 

“Christen!” She yelled out, waving her hand wildly as she took off into a sprint up the grass.

 

Christen dropped her garden shovel and smiled back. “Hey cutie, what are you doing here?”

 

Peyton was slightly out of breath when she stopped in front of Christen. She had only run a few feet up the small front yard, but her excitement seemed to be getting the most of her and she was panting softly now.

 

“What’re doing? Wanna come on a bike ride with us?” Peyton wondered, getting right to the point.

 

Tobin had just opened the driver’s side door and was slowly sliding out of her truck, offering an apologetic wave to Christen as soon as they were in eyesight of each other.

 

“I’m planting some flowers.” Christen laughed at her excitement, pointing to the dug up soil in front of them for Peyton to look at.

 

“What kind of flowers?” The little girl asked, already forgetting her original question.

 

“Big purple ones, hopefully.” Christen answered her.

 

She then held up the package the seeds were in, showing the kid a picture of what they would look like if they bloomed properly.

 

The picture showed a big purple flower with five petals in a circular pattern, fading to white in the center of the bud. Sitting on top of a long green stem.

 

Peyton smiled widely at it. “Those are pretty flowers.” She gushed.

 

“I thought so too.” Christen nodded. “My grandma told me about them, so hopefully they grow to be big and beautiful.”

 

Peyton looked down at Gus then, getting distracted again, this time by the cat.

 

“Is this your cat?” She asked quickly.

 

She was already full of questions for Christen, so curious about every little thing.

 

“I don’t really know?” Christen chuckled. “He’s been here since I moved in, so it kind of seems that way..”

 

That seemed to please the little kid and she bent down to pet him. Gus meowed a couple times and then stood up, walking away from the two, over toward the porch steps.

 

“Come here, kitty.” Peyton huffed, walking after the cat and leaving Christen in the grass by herself.

 

Tobin made her way up the walkway slowly and came to a stop in front of her then, watching Peyton chase the kitty for a moment before directing her attention back to Christen.

 

“Hey, you.” Christen hummed, offering a smile to the woman in front of her.

 

“Hi.” Tobin smiled. “Sorry to just stop by unannounced..”

 

They had been texting on and off all week but hadn’t seen each other since Tobin and Peyton had dropped Christen off after the Luau last Saturday night.

 

Christen was happy to see them now though. She had been enjoying getting to know Tobin more and found herself smiling every time she had a new text waiting from the brunette throughout the week.

 

“That’s okay.” Christen waved her off, standing up and brushing the dirt off her knees.

 

“The little one over there..” Tobin motioned with her head towards Peyton on the porch steps. “Has been dying to hang out with you again. She wouldn’t let me drive by without stopping.”

 

Christen smiled, turning around to look at the kid who was attempting to pick up Gus, struggling to get a good hold on him as he was trying to scurry away.

 

“Oh, really?” Christen raised an eyebrow when she turned back around, only half believing that it was Peyton’s idea to stop. “And you fought her the whole way, I presume?” She teased.

 

“Something like that..” Tobin smirked a little. “She somehow always manages to win, though.”

 

They just looked at each other again, before Tobin changed the subject.

 

“So you’re planting flowers?” Tobin noticed, looking down at the fresh black dirt in front of them.

 

“Trying to, yeah.” Christen nodded. “Although I’m kind of just making a mess it seems.”

 

Tobin started to laugh and then took another step towards Christen.

 

“You’ve got some, ah...” Tobin lifted her hand and softly brushed a spot of dirt off Christen’s forehead. “Just a little dirt, right there.”

 

Christen blushed and her hand found the spot Tobin had just cleaned with her thumb, brushing it another time to make sure she got it all.

 

“Thanks.” She nodded with a grin. “See? Just making a mess.”

 

Tobin held eye contact for a moment and bit her bottom lip unknowingly before she took a small step back and put some distance in between them again. Not wanting to overwhelm Christen.

 

Christen suddenly had the urge to hug Tobin right then. It came out of nowhere and she had to fight herself so she didn’t step into the woman again. Almost like the same urge she got the night they kissed. It completely caught her off guard.

 

She wasn’t sure whether it was from her lack of intimate contact lately or if it was Tobin herself, but something about the way she was so gentle and caring just made Christen feel better about everything.

 

She took a deep breath and then changed the subject quickly, trying not to be obvious about it.

 

“So what’s up?” Christen wondered, wanting to know where they were headed.

 

Peyton hopped down the porch steps again, back to where the two adults were standing in the yard, answering Christen’s question for her.

 

“We’re going on a bike ride!” She smiled. “Wanna come with us?”

 

Christen looked between the two, watching as Tobin smiled down at Peyton’s excitement.

 

“I told her we didn’t even know if you had a bike, but she insisted we stop and invite you anyway, so here we are.” Tobin continued the little girl’s thought.

 

“A bike ride? That sounds fun.” Christen answered her.

 

“So do you have one?” Peyton asked, almost impatiently.

 

“I do!” Christen smiled. “I love riding my bike.”

 

“And you can come with us?” The kid followed up with another question, her tone raising in anticipation.

 

“I could probably do that.” Christen nodded, turning to look at Tobin again. “Where ya biking to?”

 

“There’s a waterfall about a mile from here.” Tobin explained. “It’s mostly a quiet paved road, so it’s easy riding and then there’s just a little bit of a hike at the end.”

 

“Perfect.” Christen agreed. “If you can give me a few minutes to clean this stuff up, I’d love to come.”

 

“Awesome!” Peyton jumped up and down happily.

 

She then skipped over close to Tobin and pulled on her arm, asking the older woman to bend down. The child whispered something into Tobin’s ear and then watched as Tobin stood back up, smiling at Christen again.

 

“Would you mind if she uses your bathroom?” Tobin wondered softly, knowing Peyton was too shy to ask herself. “She’s gotta pee.” She mouthed quietly.

 

“Of course she can.” Christen nodded with a big smile, reaching her hand out for Peyton. “Come on, I’ll show you where it is.”

 

Tobin hung around on the grass while Christen took Peyton inside and pointed out the bathroom before she came back out to stand on the porch steps in front of Tobin.

 

“You sure you wanna come?” Tobin questioned again. “You can totally say no if you need to. Sorry about ambushing you like this.”

 

“No, it’ll be fun.” Christen shook her head. “I’ve been meaning to do some more exploring anyway.”

 

“Cool.” Tobin grinned. “Cause Peyton seems pretty fond of you already. She’s asked, like, every day this week when we’re hanging out with you again.”

 

“Really?” That made Christen smile. “Aww, she’s such a sweetheart.”

 

Tobin stepped a little closer. “Yeah and wanna know a secret?”

 

Christen nodded, holding eye contact with Tobin as she stopped right in front of her.

 

“I’ve been wondering the same thing..” Tobin whispered, trying to be smooth before she broke and laughed.

 

Christen rolled her eyes playfully and smiled back at Tobin. “Well, lucky you then.”

 

They were interrupted from their banter as the screen door creaked open, with Peyton skipping down the steps to stand next to Tobin again.

 

The child looked at Tobin and then back up at Christen shyly. “Thank you.” She grinned politely.

 

“Of course.” Christen responded. “You’re welcome anytime.”

 

Tobin sent Peyton a wink for her manners and then started to walk back towards her truck.

 

“So if you want..” She started to speak, yelling over her shoulder as she got further away. “We can just leave my truck and ride our bikes from here?”

 

“That’s works.” Christen agreed. “I’ll put this stuff inside and lock up.”

 

Tobin took a few minutes to unload their bikes from the back end of her truck as they waited on Christen, before the three of them set out on their adventure; biking slow enough to talk as they cruised along the quiet back road. They ended up at a small clearing off the side of the road, where the trailhead for the waterfall started.

 

When they got far enough in that they could no longer ride their bikes, they rested them against the backside of a tree, out of plain sight, just in case. Tobin promised she had done it a hundred times and never once had her bike been stolen, and Christen didn’t have a choice now but to take her word for it.

 

As soon as they were away from the road, Christen felt like she was hiking through a scene in Jurassic Park, completely in awe of the greenery and forest that surrounded them. Like some sort of Velociraptor was going to pop out at any time.

 

She thought about commenting on it but decided she didn’t want to freak Peyton out with the mention of possible dinosaurs.

 

It was an easy walk until they came upon a big tree that was laid across the cleared trail, blocking it completely.

 

“Woah, look how big this tree is!” Peyton yelled out as she was leading the three of them towards the waterfall.

  
It was a giant Koa tree, with a wide trunk that covered the whole path. It must have fallen over recently since Tobin hadn’t remembered it being there last time she did this hike.

 

“That is big.” Tobin agreed, “Think we can make it over or are we gonna have to turn back?” She questioned jokingly.

 

The tree was just taller than the top of Peyton’s head and her wide eyes made Tobin laugh when she looked back at her.

 

“I dunno..” The kid shrugged skeptically. _“It’s really big.”_

 

Tobin had it easily, jumping and lifting herself up on the tree trunk and then bending down so she could lift Peyton up too. She figured it must have been about four feet high, once they were standing on top of it.

 

Peyton giggled as Tobin lowered both herself and the child down onto the other side of the path and then turned around to look at Christen, wondering if she needed help as well.

 

“Pssh.” Christen feigned offense. “I’ve totally got this.”

 

Tobin stepped back from her side of the tree and signaled for Christen to come on over. Christen narrowed her eyes and stuck her tongue out in concentration, hoisting herself up onto the tree trunk and swinging her leg over it, smiling victoriously once she stood tall on top of it.

 

Tobin reached her hand up to help Christen down, which Christen gladly took. She landed with a thud on the forest floor, squealing quietly as her momentum carried her forward until she was crashing into Tobin.

 

Christen wrapped her arms around Tobin’s shoulders and hugged her instinctively as they moved; Christen’s laugh echoing closely in Tobin’s ear.

 

“Nice dismount.” Tobin smiled as she wrapped her arms around the dark haired woman’s waist in return. “You look good doing nature things.”

 

“You thought I couldn’t keep up, didn’t you?” Christen questioned amusedly as she kept them moving down the path.

 

Tobin was walking backwards easily, holding on as Christen pushed into her, savoring whatever this contact was for as long as possible.  

 

“I never said that.” Tobin defended softly. “I was just trying to be helpful.”

 

Christen finally came to a stop and released her grip from around Tobin, grinning at her but easing up from their intimate position.

 

Tobin let her left hand run down Christen’s arm when they broke apart, linking their hands together casually as she spun around and started to walk forward again.

 

“Let’s go, Nature Woman.” She laughed, leading Christen along with their fingers loosely intertwined.

 

Peyton was several feet in front of them now and not paying any attention, so Tobin just lazily kept a hold on Christen’s hand as they walked. Christen let her for a few hundred feet until they both gently let go of each other, just as Peyton was turning around to get their attention again.

 

It only took another five minutes before they reached their destination, a clearing in the trees opening up to a shallow pond surrounded by rocks covered in lush green vegetation, maybe ten feet high from the water. There was a waterfall cascading down from the back edge of the area, splashing into the pond in a gentle but steady stream. The pond couldn’t have been any deeper than knee high, and the water was clear enough to see the rocks on the bottom.

 

The area was small, but it was beautiful and calming and isolated.

 

“Wow, this is so pretty.” Christen commented when they all came to a standstill.

 

“This was my momma’s favorite place.” Peyton murmured, looking up at them and then scrunching up her eyebrows a little. “Right, Toby?”

 

Christen’s breath caught in her throat at the sweet and almost forgetful way Peyton said it. Like she was pretty sure of that fact, but couldn’t quite remember it all the way. Christen hated to think about Peyton being so young and unknowingly forgetting details about her mom as she grew up.

 

“That’s right, Squirt.” Tobin encouraged her, smiling at Peyton and running a hand over her hair gently, before letting her eyes flicker up to Christen’s.

 

Christen gave Tobin a soft smile, feeling like she was intruding on their moment of reflection. Neither one of them seemed to mind one bit though.

 

“We used to come out here when you were really little and have picnics, just like we are today.” Tobin continued, squatting down to look at Peyton. “I bet your momma is here with us right now, too.”

 

Peyton nodded and that explanation was good enough for her, trusting Tobin that it was true.

 

The little girl gave Tobin a quick hug and then made her way to the edge of the pond and sat down, dangling her feet over the edge even though her legs were too short and she wasn’t able to reach the water.

 

Tobin stood back up and shimmied her backpack off her shoulders, looking up at Christen again, smiling happier now.

 

“So, we have a couple sandwiches to share and some pineapple. Oh and some goldfish?” She winked, letting Christen in on the joke. “Wait, nobody here likes goldfish... Why did I pack those?”

 

Christen laughed softly at Tobin’s playfulness.

 

“Yeah huh, I do!” Peyton yelled, turning around to look at Tobin. “They’re my favorite!”

 

“Since when?” Tobin quizzed the child. “You never told me that!”

 

“Yes, I did!” Peyton assured her. “Auntie Kelley even told you to remember!”

 

Tobin chuckled to herself, moving over to where Peyton was waiting and sitting down next to her, before looking at Christen like she should do the same. Christen made her way over to the pair and sat down on the opposite side, with Peyton in between them.

 

“One PB&J cut into triangles, for the small one.” Tobin smiled, handing a sandwich over to Peyton, after she had set the goldfish crackers and pineapple pieces out next to them.

 

“And I hope you’re okay with rectangles?” Tobin asked, handing half of her sandwich over to Christen. “Sorry, I didn’t know you would be joining us, so I didn’t get to make you your own.”

 

“Oh, that’s ok.” Christen shook her head. “I don’t wanna steal your lunch.”

 

“You’re not.” Tobin quieted her refusal. “I’d love to share with you.”

 

Peyton was munching away in her own world as Tobin smiled at Christen. “She never finishes hers anyway, so we can share that other half too.”

 

Christen nodded and took half of Tobin’s sandwich, grinning before she took a bite. “Thank you.”

 

Tobin took a bite of her own and chuckled with her mouth full, as they all fell silent to enjoy their lunch.

 

When Peyton had eaten almost half of her sandwich and a lot of goldfish, she put her food down and stood up, looking at Tobin for permission. “Can I walk in the water?”

 

“Sure.” Tobin agreed. “Just don’t go under the waterfall okay? Sometimes rocks fall with the water and I don’t want you to get hit.”

 

Peyton was good with that, taking her tennis shoes off and walking around the edge of the pond to where it was shallow enough to wade in easily.

 

The two adults watched her for a minute, before Christen scooted closer to Tobin, giving her a once over.

 

“You’re really good with her.” She complimented. “I love watching you two together.”

 

“She’s such a fun kid.” Tobin smiled, scooting in a little closer herself. “It’s crazy how much she reminds me of her mom. I swear, sometimes I feel like I still have my best friend here, but she’s just seven again instead of twenty-seven.”

 

Christen looked at her quietly, holding eye contact for a moment, not really knowing the right thing to say. “Well, I can tell how much she adores you.”

 

Tobin gave her a closed mouth smile before they both turned their attention to the pond again, watching as Peyton was picking up various rocks in the bottom of the shallow water, and then throwing them back in to see how big of a splash she could make.

 

“I’m glad you came with us today.” Tobin commented quietly after a bit, just for Christen to hear.

 

She was leaning back on her palm, as her left hand moved up to rub Christen’s back a few times.

 

“I’m glad you stopped and invited me.” Christen hummed, enjoying the contact for the moment. “I needed this more than I realized.”

 

Tobin looked at her warily, feeling bad about Christen’s current state of mind. They had talked about the circumstances that brought her to Hawaii a little bit during their texting conversations throughout the week, but Tobin wished she knew more.

 

She just wanted to make Christen feel better, but she also knew Christen had feelings and emotions that she needed to work through on her own, in order to move on and be happy again.

 

There was a fine line that Tobin didn’t want to overstep as they were still getting to know each other.

 

So instead of pressing it any further now, Tobin just enjoyed their closeness, sitting quietly next to Christen until Peyton was bored and ready to go home.

 

It took a while longer on the hike out, all of them taking the trail slower as Peyton’s energy started to wear thin. Eventually, they made it though, finding their bikes right where they left them and started to ride back towards Christen’s house.

 

Tobin kept looking up at the sky as they rode along, silently recognizing the dark cloud cover that was moving into the area quickly. She didn't want to rush them, knowing Peyton was exhausted, but she also knew if they didn’t bike a little faster, they were going to get soaked.

 

Sure enough, before she could even suggest they take the last hundred yards a little quicker, the sky opened up and started to pour on them.

 

There was nothing to do but laugh, so that’s what they did, basking in the downpour as it drenched them completely.

 

Peyton peddled as fast as she could into Christen’s driveway, but instead of running for cover to get out of the rain, the little girl dropped her bike and then took off sprinting into the grass, spinning around with her arms outstretched and her head tilted to the sky.

 

She was absolutely loving it.

 

With as happy as the child looked, Christen couldn't help but do the same, parking her bike and then jogging out into the middle of the grass next to Peyton, both of them laughing wildly as they let the rain cleanse them. Like it was some sort of magical earthly wonder that could make them all feel better.

 

It had to have been a couple minutes that they stood there, the warm raindrops running down their bare arms and dripping off the ends of their fingers, puddling up on the grass underneath their feet.

 

Christen remembered something as her eyes were closed, feeling the raindrops that were hitting her forehead. Something she’d read somewhere once.  

 

_If you survive a storm, you won't be bothered by the rain._

 

The weight of it almost made Christen cry. Right then and there. But she opened her eyes again to see Tobin smiling at them from where she was standing in the driveway, and everything suddenly just felt okay for a moment.

 

Peyton opened her eyes then too, looking up at Christen for a split second, before she took off running towards Tobin, launching herself at the brown eyed woman as soon as she reached her and wrapping her arms around her neck.

 

Tobin scooped her up and hugged her back just as tightly, burying her face in Peyton’s shoulder for a moment. Like they were all thinking the same thing.

 

And just as fast as the rain had come, it moved on again. Leaving them all dripping wet and a little bit more healed.

 

Christen walked back over to the driveway where Tobin was holding Peyton in her arms, looking at them eagerly.

 

“You guys want to stay for dinner?” She wondered hopefully. “I can give you some dry clothes to change into.”

 

Peyton lifted her chin from off of Tobin’s shoulder and raised her eyebrows in excitement, nodding enthusiastically, hoping Tobin would let them.

 

Tobin laughed and turned to face Christen again. “I think that’s a yes..”

 

“Perfect.” Christen smiled, spinning around, finally ready to head inside.

 

Christen grabbed a couple towels from the bathroom and they all dried off as best as they could, before she gave Tobin a t-shirt and a pair of shorts and Peyton just a giant t-shirt to wear, throwing their clothes in the dryer to help speed up the process.

 

Christen braided her hair into a side braid, not wanting to deal with her wet curls and when Peyton saw how pretty it looked, she begged for Christen to do the same thing to her hair.

 

When they were all mostly put together again, Peyton picked out Lilo and Stitch for them to watch, while Christen made them dinner, and they all ate huddled up on the couch together.

 

Peyton ended up falling asleep in between them, halfway through the movie. The exhaustion of the day finally catching up to the young kid. Tobin and Christen watched for a while, before Christen finally gave in, knowing she should clean up the mess she made in the kitchen while making dinner, before everything hardened and made it over more difficult.

 

“Will you hand me your plates?” Christen requested softly, from where she was on the end of the couch.

 

Tobin reached for Peyton’s plate and her own that were resting on the coffee table. “Let me help you with the dishes.” Tobin insisted, standing up to follow Christen to the kitchen.

 

Christen washed the pots and pans while Tobin dried them and asked a million questions about where everything belonged. They were trying to be quiet enough not to wake Peyton up, but Tobin ended up dropping a pot back into the sink water, causing a huge splash of water to cascade over the edge of the sink and sending them into a fit of quiet hysteria.

 

“Shit.. sorry.” Tobin chuckled as she dropped to her hands and knees, quickly trying to wipe up the pool of soapy water that had gathered on the floor.

 

“It’s totally fine.” Christen smiled, taking a deep breath to recover from her laughter. “Your face was priceless, though.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Tobin grinned, standing back up and ringing out the wet towel in the sink before she draped it over the oven handle to dry.

 

When everything was put away and the counters were cleaned, they both leaned against the countertops, just looking at each other again.

 

“I had a really fun day with you.” Christen hummed after a moment of too much eye contact.

 

That made Tobin smile, breaking her hold on Christen’s green pools and looking down at the floor. “I had fun with you too.”

 

Christen moved across the kitchen, coming to a standstill in the corner of the cabinets, right next to where Tobin was leaning on the other side of the sink. Tobin smiled at their proximity, opening herself up more to face Christen.

 

They looked at each other silently for another moment, before Tobin spoke.

 

“Can I...” Tobin hummed, trailing off and instead just stepping into Christen, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and pulling her in for a hug.

 

“Yeah.” Christen smiled and nodded, moving the rest of the way into the hug, letting her face drop to Tobin’s neck and wrapping her arms around Tobin’s midsection in return.

 

It’s what she had wanted all day. A warm, meaningful hug. And it felt better than she even thought it would. The way Tobin held her strong and close, not rushing it at all.

 

Christen was breathing her in, smiling at how familiar and calming Tobin seemed, even though they’d never really done this before.

 

“You doing okay?” Tobin whispered into Christen’s hair after a moment, checking in on her again. Hoping Christen would offer up anything more than what she had previously told her.

 

Christen didn’t say anything, just nodded into Tobin’s neck silently.

 

“Good.” Tobin smiled a little, taking Christen’s word for it. It’s all she could do right now.

 

Christen adjusted herself enough so her head was resting against Tobin’s shoulder instead of pressed into her neck, giving herself a little more room to breathe. Tobin looked down at her and they made eye contact, with their faces barely an inch apart.

 

Christen couldn't help but glance up at Tobin’s lips, with how soft and inviting they looked. Just like they seemed that night on the beach.

 

She found herself wondering what it would be like to kiss them again.

 

As soon as she let her eyes drift back up to meet Tobin’s she knew she was caught.  There was no defending that look.

 

But she didn’t really care. She didn’t want to overthink and overanalyze every situation anymore. So instead of pretending like she hadn’t done it, Christen just lifted her head slowly and leaned in again.

 

She could feel Tobin’s warm breath on her lips as they got closer, with Tobin tightening her hold on Christen’s body, until their lips were barely brushing against each other.

 

Before Christen could fully press a kiss to Tobin’s lips, they both registered the soft patter of bare feet on the hardwood floor, coming towards them from the living room.

 

Christen smiled and pulled back, but Tobin didn’t let her body go, keeping an arm around Christen’s waist as they both turned to find the source of the noise.

 

“Toby?” Peyton’s sleepy voice rasped out as she came around the corner to find them.

 

She was rubbing the sleep from her eyes, looking a little confused and slightly worried about waking up in an unfamiliar place.

 

“Hey, Squirt.” Tobin hummed softly. “You sleepy?”

 

Peyton didn’t say anything, just nodded in confirmation as she continued towards them.

 

She didn’t even think it was weird that Tobin and Christen were leaning against the kitchen counter holding each other, instead just walking up to join them.

 

The child rested her head against Tobin’s stomach and leaned her body weight into her, right next to where Christen was. Christen was about to let go of Tobin and step back, when Peyton’s tiny arm came up and wrapped around Christen’s waist too. All three of them hugging in the corner of Christen’s small kitchen.

 

Peyton looked up a few moments later, her tired eyes directed right at Christen. “Are you sad?” She questioned innocently.

 

Christen didn’t know what to say, so she just decided to be honest.

 

“Sometimes I am.” She acknowledged softly.

 

Peyton nodded like she understood. “Sometimes, when I’m sad, I give Toby a hug and then it makes me feel better.”

 

She explained it like it was the simplest solution in the world. Like that was why they were all standing there hugging now.

 

Christen’s heart almost shattered.

 

She watched as Peyton dropped her head against Tobin’s stomach again, before she looked up to meet Tobin’s eyes, finding the slightest amount of wetness in them.

 

Christen hugged Tobin tighter before she cleared her throat and spoke again.

 

“That seems like a good idea to me, Miss Peyton.” Christen whispered through a smile.

 

Tobin ran her hand over Peyton’s hair, loving the way she was so caring. Even for being so young, she was so thoughtful and kind.

 

Peyton yawned then and Tobin let out a breath. “You tired, kiddo?”

 

Peyton thought about denying it, stepping away from the adults as they all let go of each other, before she gave in, nodding her head in response.

 

Tobin looked at the clock on the oven and realized it was pretty late. “We should probably go home, huh?”

 

“Okay.” Peyton agreed.

 

“You’ve got camp starting tomorrow, remember bud?” Tobin reminded the child.

 

“Oh yeah!” Peyton’s eyes lit up, clearly having forgotten what day it was.

 

Christen laughed softly and exited the kitchen, going to fetch their clothes from the dryer. She handed them over to Tobin, but insisted they didn’t have to change now. Peyton kept Christen’s baggy Stanford t-shirt on, claiming she wanted to sleep in it tonight, as they made their way to the front door.

 

Christen waved when Peyton had her shoes on. “Thanks for the fun day.”

 

“Welcome.” Peyton smiled and then gave Christen another hug.

 

Tobin reached out and grabbed Christen’s hand, squeezing it a little. “Thanks for dinner. Today was great.”

 

Christen nodded, offering Tobin a big smile. “Yeah, it was.”

 

Peyton was pushing the screen door open, ready to go now and making Tobin give in.

 

“Bye, cutie.” Christen waved to Peyton and then winked at Tobin. “Talk to you soon?”

 

“Definitely.” Tobin nodded following Peyton to the door. She turned around one last time to smile back at Christen, before they were both stepping out onto the porch, ready to head for home.

 

Christen watched them back out of the driveway before she shut her front door, plopping down on the couch and letting out a huge sigh.

 

Feeling content with a smile on her face for the rest of the night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're all just doing the best they can.


	5. Cursed.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What kind of magic is this?  
> I was doomed by our first kiss.
> 
>  
> 
> .

“Christen Press!”

 

Mana popped her head around Christen’s office door, pushing it further open from its slightly ajar position. Her voice high-pitched and laced with a sense of urgency.

 

“What are you still doing here? Aren’t you gonna be late?”

 

Christen’s head snapped up from focusing on the supply chain log she was currently filling out, looking at Mana curiously, without a clue as to what she was talking about.

 

“For what?” Christen wondered, hitting the home button on her phone quickly to display the time, knowing she had been consumed by her work for a while now and may have spaced out for longer than she thought.

 

“For that one thing... Oh my gosh, seriously?” Mana said again. “Girl, you are gonna be in trouble…”

 

Christen’s face blushed a little bit and she stood up from behind her desk without reason. “Why, what’s going on?”

 

“That meeting..” Mana explained. “Weren’t you on the list of required attendees?”

 

Christen’s eyes darted up to the ceiling tiles as she quickly racked her brain for any work meeting invites she had received in the past few days, not being able to remember any scheduled for this afternoon.

 

“What meeting, Mana?” Christen questioned almost desperately. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Come with me.” Mana wagged her finger. “I’ll drive you over there quick.”

 

Without hesitation, Christen picked up her phone and purse in a rush and walked around her desk, following Mana as she spun around and exited Christen’s small office. When she got into the hallway, Christen ran a few steps to catch up so she was walking shoulder to shoulder with the shorter woman. Mana led them out of the office building and into the parking lot without saying anything else.

 

“I know there has been a lot going on around here, but I am completely drawing a blank on this.” Christen tried again as they made it to Mana’s car.

 

Mana unlocked her car doors and sat down in the driver’s seat, with Christen doing the same in the passenger seat.

 

“Yeah, I swear you were on the list.” Mana shrugged, starting her car. “I’m the one who sent it out.”

 

“What list?” Christen questioned, putting her seatbelt on, as Mana put the car in drive and pulled out of her parking space. “Like a meeting request list?”

 

Mana smiled and looked over at Christen, feeling like she had just succeeded in her master plan.

 

“That afternoon at the beach.” Mana shrugged then, her tone mellowing out in an instant. “You know, the one with your friends? Same as the last two you missed, even though attendance was required and all that..”

 

Christen fell silent, trying to piece together what was happening, turning to look at Mana as she drove along.

 

“You _did not_ just..”

 

Christen was trying really hard not to smile. She had loads of work to do and if Mana just pulled a fast one on her, she swore she was going to be pissed.

 

“Oh, you bet your fine ass I did.” Mana started to laugh, taking a corner a little too fast as she drove out of the plantation property.

 

“Mana! Turn around! I can’t go to the beach right now.” Christen started to laugh like it was obvious. “I’ve got three proposals to send out this afternoon and I haven’t even written them up yet. I’ll probably be at the office late the way it is.”

 

“I had a feeling you would say that.” Mana pointed a finger in the air like she was making a point. “Which is why I didn’t tell you until you were in my car. You would have never come willingly.”

 

“So you kidnapped me?” Christen’s jaw dropped slightly in wonder.

 

“Okay, let’s cool it with the accusations.” Mana insisted, putting her blinker on as she came to a stop at a stop sign. “Plus if that was a kidnapping, my god, were you easy.”

 

Mana started to laugh a little harder, her pitch rising as she pressed on the gas again.

 

“I mean seriously, Chris, you literally jumped up from your desk in a heartbeat. I did not expect it to be so simple. Are you always that anxious?”

 

“I mean, kind of?” Christen turned her palms up in defeat. “I’m still new around here, okay..”

 

“Relax, I’m just teasing.” Mana gave her a friendly smile. “This is going to be really good for you, I promise.”

 

“What would be _good_ for me is to get my work done so I’m not at the office until 8:00 again tonight.” Christen pointed out. She had worked late every night this week already.

 

“I disagree.” Mana hummed. “You’re the only person who is work obsessed around here. Your bosses don’t even care that much. You gotta chill out, girly. It’ll all still be there for you tomorrow.”

 

She lifted her hand off the steering wheel and gave Christen the shaka sign, wanting her to just relax. It was something Christen noticed everyone did around here as if it explained something.

 

Christen let out a big sigh, knowing there was nothing she could do to stop this at the moment. Mana had tricked her completely and she hadn’t even seen it coming.

 

“So you’re taking me to the beach..?” She asked almost rhetorically.

 

“I am.” Mana smiled over at her. “Kelley is meeting us there. Oh, and Tobin will be there too.”

 

Mana gave Christen another look at the mention of Tobin’s name, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

 

“Okay, don’t do that..” Christen pointed at Mana’s face, smiling innocently.

 

“Don’t do what?” Mana asked, letting a sly grin spread across her own face.

 

“That tone and eyebrow thing when you say Tobin’s name around me like you’re being cunning.” Christen explained.

 

“I don’t know what you mean..” Mana hummed. “I just figured you’d be excited to see her.”

 

“We’re friends... Why wouldn’t I be?” Christen laughed softly in question.

 

_“Sure, friends.”_ Mana rolled her eyes, coming around the corner, now in sight of Christen’s house. “Whatever you say, Boss.”

 

“Good. It is whatever I say.” Christen nodded, momentarily relieved that Mana seemed like she wasn’t going to press it. “Thank you.”

 

_“Come on…”_ Mana whined, actually not letting the subject go like Christen had hoped she would. “I’ve seen you two when we’re all hanging out.. Are you into her or what?”

 

Christen’s head fell back against the headrest, shaking it back and forth in exasperation. She’d rather not have to say anything about this right now, but Mana wasn’t leaving her much of a choice.

 

“I’m…”

 

She trailed off, unsure of what to say.

 

“You’re what?” Mana wondered as they came to a stop in Christen’s driveway. She put the car in park and looked over at the older woman.

 

“..I’m not into anyone.” Christen replied in a cumbersome tone. Only halfway convincing even herself. “The only things I am into right now are getting eight hours of sleep a night, and gardening and yoga. Also, I guess I’m kind of a cat mom now, but..”

 

“All those things are great.” Mana nodded in a soft tone. “But what about other people? You can’t just shut yourself off completely, Christen.”

 

“Oh, but I can.” Christen laughed pointedly. “I am avoiding all things relationship related for the foreseeable future. And possibly longer.. Maybe forever, who knows?”

 

Mana just looked at her in affliction for a moment before she spoke again.

 

“Look, whatever is bumming you out, I’m sorry. I know you haven’t wanted to talk about it and I won’t press it anymore, but please know that we all just want to see you happy.”

 

“It’s fine..” Christen waved her off before she went any further. “I’m fine. I promise. I’m just doing my own thing right now.”

 

“Like I said.. _Sure, Boss_.” Mana smiled again, not unkindly.

 

Christen rolled her eyes at Mana’s words, without responding.

 

“Go put your suit on, we’re gonna be late.” Mana instructed, rolling down the windows as she prepared to wait in the car.

 

Christen gave in, opening the car door in her own driveway and making her way inside. She took a few minutes to put on her cutest bathing suit with a sundress over it for cover before she grabbed a beach towel and made her way back out to Mana’s car.

 

When they got to the beach, they found Tobin and Kelley’s cooler and a couple beach towels laid out in the sand, with neither woman in sight near their belongings.

 

Mana and Christen laid their beach towels down and stripped down to their bathing suits, before Mana spotted Tobin and Kelley from where they were at in the ocean; pointing them out to Christen as they made their way to the edge of the water.

 

Kelley and Tobin were both standing on paddle boards, riding over the waves that were crashing towards the shore quickly. Almost like they were racing each other. Both of them laughing hard as they paddled alongside each other.

 

Christen had to admit that it looked like fun, even if she wasn’t usually big on water sports.

 

Mana flagged them down as she shouted out into the water, and once the pair spotted the two on the beach, they made their way to the shore to greet them.

 

“It worked?!” Kelley yelled out as she trudged out of the waves dragging her paddle board, noticing Christen standing next to Mana.

 

“Oh yeah, smooth as butter.” Mana nodded. “Probably too easily, to be honest.”

 

They had clearly come up with the plan to get Christen out of work together, both of them high-fiving as soon as Kelley was close enough.

 

Tobin was grinning happily from just behind Kelley as she walked out of the water too, giving both women a small wave. “You made it.” She observed as she tossed her paddle board down in the sand.

 

“Okay, now you are all in trouble for that stunt.” Christen smiled. “Keep that in mind down the road.”

 

_“Oohhh.”_ Kelley laughed in a teasing tone. “I love surprise trouble.”

 

Tobin slowly let her eyes run down the length of Christen’s body that was only covered by her bikini now, showing more skin than Tobin had ever seen on her. Tobin was about to blush when she noticed Christen had caught her until she realized Christen had done the same thing to her. They gave each other a small smile and focused on the group again.

 

“Cute suit, Chris.” Kelley complimented then. “I love that top. You look hot.”

 

“Thanks, I just got it.” Christen gave a cute little pose, happy to know someone liked it as much as she had. “It was only fifty bucks online.”

 

Tobin looked her over once more quietly, before focusing on her own bare feet that were dug into the sand.

 

“So did you guys bring your surfboards too or just the paddle boards?” Mana questioned, changing the subject.

 

“Just the paddle boards.” Tobin spoke up finally, answering Mana’s question.

 

“Yep, this is an afternoon of no work for anyone.” Kelley added. “That means no surfing for the Champ, either.”

 

“I would argue that surfing isn’t a real job, but you make more money than all of us, so I guess that makes sense.” Mana rolled her eyes with a laugh.

 

Tobin just shrugged coolly, not bothering to deny that fact.

 

“So, teams then?” Kelley wondered looking between the three of them.

 

“Yep.” Tobin nodded, and then Mana did the same. “Yeah, teams are good.”

 

“Teams for what?” Christen was confused, looking at them to see who was going to explain.

 

“Oh, it’s competition time.” Tobin answered her, rubbing her hands together ingeniously.

 

“Yep, paddle board races.” Mana agreed. “Losing team buys lunch from the food truck.”

 

“Oh..” Christen lost interest quickly. “I’m good, I’ll probably just lay on the beach. I’m more of a nap-in-the-sun type person. Water sports aren’t my thing.”

 

“Ha!” Kelley laughed. “Well, today they are, my friend.”

 

“Yeah, sorry, dude.” Mana shrugged. “Kelley’s right. We need ya.”

 

Christen looked over at Tobin with one last bit of hope for some backup, not getting anything in return.

 

“It’s okay, you can be on my team.” Tobin smiled. “I’ll do all the work.”

 

“Perfect.” Mana clapped her hands together once, before narrowing her eyes and giving Christen a suggestive look. “Then it’s you and me, Kell Bell.”

 

“But I don’t even know what we’re doing..” Christen almost whispered, watching as Mana and Kelley picked up Kelley’s paddle board and paddle and started to wade out into the water.

 

Tobin just stood there looking at Christen, waiting for her to follow them.

 

“It’s just racing from one buoy to the other and back.” Tobin said pointing to the marked off area in the water, where there was a no wake zone close to the beach.

 

“How is it a four-person game, though?” Christen asked, noting how there were only two paddle boards.

 

“Well, that’s the fun part.” Tobin hummed. “It’s super hard for two people to stay on the board at the same time and if one person falls off, the team has to start over.”

 

“Yep!” Kelley yelled from waist high water. “And pushing, pulling and general sabotaging of the other team is highly encouraged. So watch your back, hot stuff.”

 

Christen groaned, causing Tobin to laugh and take a couple steps towards her before she stopped right in front of Christen. “I’ll protect you, I promise.”

 

Tobin reached up and put her hands on Christen’s bare shoulders, massaging the knots in them a couple times.

 

“Hi, by the way.” Tobin hummed, waiting for Christen to make eye contact. “I’m glad you could make it.”

 

“So you were part of that stunt too?” Christen finally smirked in question, recalling the way she was stolen away from work.

 

“I can’t confirm or deny that.” Tobin bit her bottom lip to stop herself from laughing.

 

Christen was about to wrap her arms around Tobin’s bare midsection and hug her in return when Mana’s voice pulled them apart.

 

“Let’s go!” The younger woman yelled from where she and Kelley were already standing on their paddle board out in the deeper water.

 

Tobin chuckled and turned around, picking up the paddle and handing it to Christen, as she started to wade into the water with the board. Christen followed behind her hesitantly.

 

“Okay, on three?” Kelley looked between herself and Tobin and Christen.

 

The four of them were standing on their paddle boards next to each other, holding their paddles to the buoy in order not to drift off with the waves before it was go time.

 

Christen and Mana were both crouched down on the front of their boards, with Tobin and Kelley each standing behind them.

 

“Only rule is, once you get to the end, you have to switch paddlers for the return leg.” Mana pointed out, looking right at Christen to make sure she understood.

 

“Dude, no..” Tobin objected. “Just let me do the paddling, she doesn’t want to.”

 

“Rules are rules, Tobs.” Kelley put a hand up, not wanting to hear it. “Just like usual.”

 

“But my arms are weak.” Christen protested. “It’s a clear disadvantage.”

 

“Well, I guess Tobin better make sure you guys get a good lead then!” Kelley laughed, not giving in.

 

“Ugh, fine.” Tobin agreed, knowing she’d want to keep the same rules if it weren’t Christen sitting on the front of her board. “Let’s just start..”

 

The four of them steadied themselves before Mana started the countdown.

 

“Three. Two. One..” Mana yelled out, pausing before she dropped her arm and released them. “GO!”

 

Before Kelley could even start paddling, Tobin lifted her own paddle out of the water and pushed on the edge of Mana and Kelley’s board as hard as she could, dunking it in the water and subsequently knocking both women off balance until they were tipping into the water unexpectedly.

 

Usually the sabotaging didn’t happen until they had gone down the course a little ways and it had caught the two of them off guard enough to be effective.

 

“You little shit!” Kelley yelled out as they dumped into the ocean, her voice being drowned out by the water within seconds.

 

Christen’s jaw dropped as she watched them splash around, as Tobin started to paddle hard, laughing loudly and trying to get as far ahead as she could.

 

“Okay, don’t make any big movements.” Tobin instructed once they were cruising along steadily. “Just sit there and look pretty, please.”

 

Christen looked back at her and smiled as they moved over the waves, saluting her like she understood her role.

 

For as good of a head start as Tobin gave them, Kelley and Mana caught up quickly, obviously having been well practiced in stand-up paddle boarding. Just as Tobin and Christen were rounding the buoy at the far end of the course and switching positions, Kelley and Mana were doing the same.

 

Tobin sat down on the front of the board after Christen took the paddle, deciding she’d try and help with her arms as best she could, pulling them through the water and helping to move them along.

 

Mana wasn’t even concerned with actually winning the race, she was more interested in getting Tobin and Christen back, paddling towards them so Kelley could try and tip their board and dump them into the water in return.

 

Christen was laughing anxiously, hating the feeling of being chased and trying to go as fast as she could. She wasn’t making very much progress.

 

“Tobin!” Christen yelped out when Mana and Kelley got close. “Help us!”

 

All four of them were laughing wildly at the adrenaline of it.

 

Tobin stood up slowly and tried to fend off Kelley’s attacks, pushing her arms away as she reached for their board. It was tough to balance for both of them, but Christen was actually impressed with herself, knowing her daily yoga routine was surely helping with her core strength now.

 

They almost escaped as Mana dropped her paddle for a moment, but Christen couldn’t get them far enough away in time, and one wave was all it took, before Tobin lost her balance and leaned a little too far on the left side of the board.

 

They made eye contact as they started to tip, both of them realizing at the same exact moment that they were about to go into the ocean themselves.

 

_“Noooo.”_ Christen laughed out, dropping the paddle as her arms started to wave around, trying to find their balance again.

 

“Shit.” Tobin mumbled, just as she was hitting the water.

 

Christen came back up to the surface of the water first, wiping the salt water out of her eyes, before Tobin did the same, spitting a little water out as she took a breath. She wasted no time swimming over towards Christen once she could tell which way was up.

 

“You okay?” Tobin wondered as she reached her, grabbing her waist and pulling Christen in without thinking about it.

 

Christen took a few deep breaths but was still smiling, wrapping her arms around Tobin’s shoulders and hugging her back. Tobin took on Christen’s weight, treading water as they caught their breath.

 

“Yeah, I’m good.” Christen hummed right by her ear, noticing how Tobin pulled their bodies a little closer together as she did. “Sorry, I was trying my best.”

 

Tobin started to laugh softly, pulling back to look at Christen’s face again. “You were good, it was my bad that we tipped.”

 

Christen slowly let Tobin go and reached for the board that was floating next to them, grabbing onto it so she could give Tobin a little relief. They looked up just as Mana and Kelley were passing the buoy in the distance, raising their arms in triumph at their win.

 

“Dang it.” Christen laughed. “Looks like lunch is on us.”

 

“They got so lucky.” Tobin chuckled, holding the board steady so Christen could climb back up onto it.

 

Once Christen was back on top of the paddle board, Tobin grabbed onto the end of it and started to swim them back to the beach, now that the race was over. Mana and Kelley met them on the sand, bragging loudly about how talented they were.

 

“I tell you what.” Mana finally suggested after she calmed down. “How about Tobin and I split lunch, since we drug you out here, Chris.”

 

“No, no, I’ll play by the rules.” Christen waved them off, walking up towards where their towels and cooler had been left to grab her wallet.

 

“Chris, we got it.” Tobin insisted, not taking no for an answer. “What kind of tacos does everyone want?”

 

Tobin and Mana got everyone’s order and then left to walk across the street to where the usual taco truck was parked. Kelley and Christen found their towels, sitting down to dry out in the hot sun. It was the perfect afternoon for a beach day, with not a cloud in the sky.

 

There was no chance they’d be unexpectedly rained on today, and Christen counted that as a victory in itself.

 

After a few minutes of random conversation, Christen and Kelley were interrupted by a few people who were walking down the beach. They obviously recognized Kelley, and Kelley was excited when she saw who it was, giving the people a wave to come say hi.

 

“What up, O’Hara?” An extra tanned blonde haired guy waved as the group approached.

 

He was flanked by two women, one with blonde hair and one with light brown hair. Christen offered them all pleasant smiles as Kelley returned their greeting.

 

“Yo.” Kelley smiled. “I haven’t seen you guys around this side of the island for a while.”

 

“The tide has been terrible up on the north side this week, so we figured we’d venture down here and see if we could catch any waves.” The brown haired girl added.

 

Kelley turned to Christen, not wanting to be rude.

 

“Christen, these are my friends. Blake, Jenna, and Taylor.” She pointed in a row from the guy to the brown haired woman to the blonde woman.

 

“Guys, this is Christen. She’s new to Kauai, so we roped her into skipping work for a beach day.”

 

“Hey, nice to meet you guys.” Christen waved in response.

 

“You too.” The blonde smiled kindly. “Who else is here with you guys?”

 

Christen recognized some sort of accent on the blonde as soon as she spoke, Australian, she guessed.

 

“Oh, Mana and Tobin are grabbing lunch at the truck.” Kelley answered her, throwing a thumb over her shoulder in the general direction the two had walked off in.

 

“Ooo, Tobin Heath.” The guy, Blake, laughed. “Such a local legend these days.”

 

“I haven’t seen Tobin around in like a month.” The blonde woman, Taylor, spoke again. “Actually since the last time we went out. She still owes me that third date she promised me..”

 

Christen looked up at her again, watching as they all laughed like it was a casual mention. She didn’t know why exactly, but she was suddenly sizing the woman up.

 

She had to admit, she seemed like Tobin’s type.

 

“She’s been busy winning competitions, Taylor.” The other woman, Jenna, said jokingly, almost as if she was defending Tobin.

 

“Yeah, she really has been busy.” Kelley added as if it were a consolation for Tobin not calling the blonde woman again. “But she told me she had fun with you, so I’m sure she’ll call now that things are chilling out for a while.”

 

“Good, I had fun too.” Taylor smiled at Kelley’s reassurance. “I’m gonna hold her to her promise then.”

 

They changed the subject and made small talk with Kelley for a few more minutes, about surfing things in general, while Christen sat there quietly observing, unsure of how to contribute much to the conversation.

 

“Alright well, we’re gonna see if we can find some waves.” Jenna finally said, giving their group a hint that they should get going.

 

“Send Tobin over when she comes back?” Taylor requested of Kelley, pointing to the spot down the sand where they had set their things. “I wanna at least say hi to her.”

 

“Will do.” Kelley nodded. “Good luck shreddin’ the gnar.”

 

“It was nice to meet you, Christen.” Taylor said as the other two waved, before they started to back up.

 

“You too.” Christen grinned as best she could, giving them a wave back.

 

Christen wanted to ask Kelley some follow up questions once Taylor and her group of friends got farther away, but she also didn’t want to seem nosey; instead just laying back on her towel and closing her eyes, trying to think of other things.

 

It was only another minute before Mana and Tobin came back, carrying to-go boxes of food from the taco truck.  

 

“Dude, guess who you just missed?” Kelley mentioned as soon as Tobin sat down on her towel.

 

“Who?” Tobin wondered, hardly even interested in who Kelley was going to say.

 

“Taylor Williams.” Kelley said again as she took a bite of her fish taco.

 

Tobin just hummed, biting into her food without a real response, prompting a follow up remark from Kelley.

 

“I forgot you went out with her a couple times.” Kelley said again. “She’s super hot.”

 

“She’s alright.” Tobin nodded, not really wanting to have this discussion right now.

 

“Alright?” Kelley scoffed. “Since when is she just alright?”

 

Tobin took another bite, ignoring Kelley for a moment before she swallowed and spoke again.

 

“No, I mean, she’s fine.” Tobin shrugged. “I don’t know..”

 

“What’d she say?” Mana questioned then. “Or what are they up to?”

 

“They’re trying to find some waves.” Kelley mentioned through a mouthful of taco. “Tides been shit up north this week.”

 

“That’s what I heard.” Mana nodded.

 

“And she said she wanted to go out with Tobin again..” Kelley finished her thought, smiling excitedly like she was setting Tobin up.

 

Christen was eating in silence the whole time, sitting on her towel on the end of the row, with Tobin to her right. She was focusing on the tide coming in and out, not really bothering to pay attention to the current conversation.

 

When Tobin didn’t reply to Kelley, she spoke up again. “So, you gonna take her out again or what?”

 

“I dunno.. probably not..” Tobin shook her head.

 

“Why, Tobs?” Kelley wondered. “She’s hot and she obviously has a thing for you. Take advantage of that while you can.”

 

“I don’t know, dude.” Tobin said flatly. “I seriously haven’t even thought about it since the last time her and I grabbed dinner.”

 

“Well, here she is today to remind you.” Kelley pointed out. “She said she was going to hold you to a third date, so you’ve got it in the bag.”

 

“Kel, chill.” Mana finally spoke up again for Tobin.

 

“I am chill.” Kelley answered. “Just trying to help out my best pal here.”

 

“Well, maybe Tobin is interested in someone else?” Mana suggested, not wanting to seem obvious about who she meant, but wanting Kelley to cool it with all this date talk.

 

“Yeah, Kel, maybe I’m into someone else?” Tobin seconded, also wanting Kelley to drop it.

 

“Okay, well in the meantime, while you’re figuring that out, why not just have a little fun? She’s cute and she totally wants to see you again.” Kelley shrugged. “Christen you agree with me, right? She totally seemed into Tobin.”

 

Christen looked up at all three of them, not thrilled with being pulled into the conversation. Kelley was smiling at her and nodding slightly, like she was waiting for Christen to encourage Tobin along.

 

“I mean, yeah, I guess..” Christen looked away and bobbed her shoulders up and down awkwardly. “Ask her out again if you want, Tobin. Seems like she’d say yes..”

 

“See, Tobs. Two against one.” Kelley shoved her shoulder slightly. “Just ask her out again. It’s harmless.”

 

They all fell silent as Kelley finally let the subject go. Christen looked out at the water again for a moment and then slowly turned back to face the others as conversation shifted to what Peyton was up to at camp.

 

She wasn’t able to ignore the look that Tobin was giving her across the sand though.

 

After everyone was finished eating, Kelley and Mana decided to grab the paddle boards and cruise around in the water again. Christen refused a second time, actually getting her chance to lay down in the hot sand and relax.

 

Tobin stayed on the beach with her, lying on her stomach with her phone in her hands, although she was seemingly not interested in any conversation.

 

“When’s your next competition?” Christen wondered as she turned her head to look at Tobin on the towel next to hers.

 

“Ah, like a month away.” Tobin responded quietly, not offering anything more with it.

 

Christen nodded and had no idea what to follow that up with, falling quiet for a few moments.

 

“I’m guessing Peyton starts school again pretty soon, right?” The dark haired woman asked after another bit of silence.

 

“In three weeks, I think.” Tobin murmured, typing something into her phone.

 

“Is she excited for third grade?” Christen questioned with a smile, thinking of the sweet little girl.

 

“I guess, yeah. She likes school.” Tobin responded, still not bothering to even look up at Christen.

 

Christen sighed to herself, caught off guard at Tobin’s lack of interest in having a conversation all the sudden. They had been talking non-stop all week, since their day together last Sunday.

 

There was barely an hour that went by that they weren’t sending texts back and forth.

 

The quietness now was suddenly puzzling to Christen.

 

“..Hey.” Christen commented softly, using her bare foot to press into Tobin’s calf.

 

“Hmm?” Tobin looked up from her phone, finally acknowledging Christen a little more.

 

“Are you mad at me or something?” Christen wondered, trying to hold eye contact with Tobin.

 

“Nah, I’m good.” Tobin lied with a simple shrug of her shoulders. So casually like it didn’t matter. It didn’t take more than a second for her to look away again as she rolled over and sat up.

 

“Okay..” Christen breathed, making it clear that she didn’t believe Tobin. “You’ve barely looked at me in the past half hour, so I was just making sure..”

 

Tobin’s head dropped a little, feeling bad about her behavior slightly, but it didn’t change her mind. “I’m not mad, I’m just..”

 

She sighed frustratedly.

 

“What, Tobin?” Christen wondered softly, needing to know what was bothering her. “Talk to me..”

 

Tobin looked over and met Christen’s eyes finally, trying to get a real read on Christen. Her green eyes must have given her concern away slightly, making Tobin continue.

 

“Okay. Fine. Why are you telling me to go on dates with other people?” Tobin questioned slowly, finally getting to the point of what was bothering her.

 

Christen swallowed, not expecting that question from Tobin.

 

It was clear the aura between them had been weird since the conversation about Taylor had happened a while ago, but Christen didn’t specifically think that was why Tobin was being weird to her now.

 

What else was she supposed to say when Kelley was egging them on earlier?

 

“I don’t know..” Christen shrugged quietly. “I guess because it seems like you want to be going on dates right now..”

 

“Yeah, I do.” Tobin returned quickly, her tone a little tense. “Just..”

 

She waved her hand out in between them, going quiet again.

 

“Well then.. There ya go.” Christen returned, her tone conveying that it should have been obvious as to why she agreed with Kelley.

 

“Nevermind..” Tobin finally sighed.

 

They both looked away from each other frustratedly, ending whatever little conversation they were just having. Leaving the rest of their feelings unspoken in the moment, as Kelley and Mana were making their way back up from the water, paddle boards in hand.

 

As soon as Mana reached them and picked up her towel and started to dry off, Tobin stood up, wanting to get away for a bit.

 

“I’m gonna go catch up with them.” She motioned her head at Taylor’s group down the sand a ways. “I’ll be back in a while.”

 

“Ohhh, you gonna go get that third date?” Kelley teased from where she was standing, dripping with water.

 

“Yeah, I guess, maybe.” Tobin barely responded. Too annoyed to say anything else.

 

“Cool. Good luck.” Kelley nodded. “I’ll be here napping.”

 

Tobin walked off without another word between her or Christen, not looking back at the dark haired woman again.

 

Christen just sat there and picked at her cuticles, not bothering to pay attention to the conversation Mana and Kelley were having now. It didn’t matter what they were talking about while she was so consumed by her thoughts.

 

Christen watched from a distance as Tobin made her way down the sand, coming to a stop next to Taylor and her friends, all of them laughing quickly at whatever the brunette had just said to them. It irked Christen the way Tobin so easily joined in with their conversation, like she’d been there the whole time. And the way Taylor ran her hand down Tobin’s arm affectionately.

 

But as much as she didn’t like watching it, she also couldn’t look away for some reason.

 

“Well, I hate to dip out early on this beach hang, but I told Jen I’d be home before dinner.” Mana explained after a few minutes. “Christen, did you wanna wait and ride back with Tobin or..?”

 

Christen’s attention was pulled away from the group down the sand again at Mana’s question.

 

She suddenly didn’t want to be there anymore.

 

“Actually, would you care if I rode back with you?” Christen finally looked up at her. “I’ve gotta get some stuff done tonight, so I should probably get going.”

 

“Oh, yeah for sure.” Mana nodded, a little surprised by Christen’s urge to leave when it seemed like she had been having fun. “You ready now or did you wanna wait for Tobin to come back first?”

 

“No, I’m ready..” Christen answered her, pulling her sundress on over her head.

 

She stood up and finished gathering her things, before they told Kelley goodbye. Not attempting to say goodbye to Tobin before they left.

 

Mana rambled on as her and Christen drove back to where Christen's car was parked at their office, but Christen couldn’t be bothered to respond to much of it.

 

She sat there replaying the last conversation with Tobin in her head over and over. Hating the way it ended without really ending. Not knowing where they currently stood, seemingly out of nowhere.

 

All she wanted to do was get home and be alone.

 

With that familiar lonely feeling planted firmly back in the pit of her stomach.


	6. Until The Night Turns.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if the world dies with the sunrise?  
> Baby it's all right we'll be up all night
> 
>  
> 
> .

Christen pulled her Mini Cooper into the pickup lane out in front of the Kauai Port Terminal, killing the engine as she waited in line with the other cars that had arrived before her. She was fifteen minutes early, not being able to contain her excitement any longer before she left her house on this early Saturday morning.

 

She could see the giant cruise ship docking on the other side of the terminal, slowly navigating its way towards the dock until it finally came to a complete stop. It would still be a bit before the passengers would be able to disembark, but she wouldn’t have to wait too much longer.

 

The anticipation was killing her.

 

Her best friend from college, Julie and Julie’s husband, Zach, were currently on a Hawaiian cruise that had set sail from San Francisco earlier in the week. Today was the day it was scheduled to dock in Kauai, and Christen was more than elated to have her best friend on the island with her, even if it was only for about twelve hours. 

 

She missed all of her friends back home more than she could even imagine right now, and Julie and Zach’s visit was coming at the perfect time. 

 

Christen got out of her car and made her way inside the terminal, waiting anxiously until she finally saw a messy bun of blonde hair ducking through the crowd towards her, weaving in and out of people as fast as she could.

 

Christen’s feet were moving in the same direction before her mind even realized it. 

 

“Jules!” Christen felt like she smiled bigger than she had in the month she’d been in Hawaii once they were finally within shouting distance of each other. 

 

“Ahhh, hi!” The blonde woman yelled back, jogging the last few steps and throwing herself into Christen for a huge hug.

 

They rocked back and forth in their embrace for a long moment, before they pulled apart.

 

“Hey, Christen.” Zach smiled, stepping in to hug the dark haired woman after his wife had finally released her grip. 

 

“I’m so glad you guys are here!” Christen exclaimed, reaching out and grabbing Julie’s hand for a moment. 

 

“We are too. It’s so gorgeous.” Julie mused. “I can’t believe you live here now!”

 

“Most of the time, I can’t either.” Christen agreed, admittedly still getting used to it feeling like home. “Having you here today is sure going to help with that though.”

 

Julie linked her arm through Christen’s as they made their way back out to Christen’s car, talking loudly with giddiness. It was like both of them hadn’t spoken a single word to each other since Christen left San Francisco with how quickly they were blowing through topics. Zach was happy to hang back and let them do their thing, knowing both women had missed each other immensely.

 

“So, I’ve got you for the next eleven hours and thirty-three minutes.” Christen beamed as she looked at the clock on her dash, before turning to look at Julie in the passenger seat. “What would you like to experience?”  

 

“We are totally up for whatever you want to show us.” Julie replied, looking back at Zach in the backseat for confirmation. He just nodded. “Yep, show us your new hood, Press.”

 

“So, I’ve been dying to check out the  Nāpali Coast up on the north side.” Christen thought out loud. “I haven’t been up there yet since I live more on the south part of the island, but if you guys are up for it, we could drive that way?”

 

“That was one of the things the lady we met in Honolulu recommended!” Julie encouraged. “It looks insanely beautiful from the pictures I saw.”

 

“Yeah, I’ve heard really great things.” Christen mentioned. “Plus a friend told me about a restaurant up on that side that is supposed to be the best on the island for local Hawaiian food.”

 

“That sounds perfect.” Julie agreed, nodding enthusiastically. 

 

Christen thought on Tobin’s recommendation for a moment and then had another idea.

 

“Maybe I should text her and see if she’d want to join us for dinner later..” She thought, hoping it could serve as some sort of Mea culpa between the two. “Would you care if she met up with us?”

 

Tobin and Christen had barely talked since the beach the other day. Only sending a couple of short worded texts back and forth when Christen had a question about something in particular. It was weighing on Christen more than she was willing to admit to herself, but she figured that if Tobin was upset with her, she wouldn’t keep bothering her with pointless conversation.

 

She was holding out hope that Tobin would come around eventually and they could get back to where they had been a few days ago. 

 

Maybe that process could start with a group dinner tonight.

 

“Not at all!” Julie responded with a smile, answering Christen’s question. “I’d love to meet your new friends. The more the merrier, as long as they’re not cooler than I am.”

 

Julie winked at Christen and they both laughed. 

 

“Nobody is cooler than you, Jules.” Christen reassured her teasing. “I learned that long ago.”

 

Christen reached for her phone quickly before they drove off, typing out a quick text to Tobin.

 

**{Christen Press: 8:24 am}** _ Hey you. My best friend and her husband are here for the day. We’re getting dinner later if you want to join us? I’d love for you to meet them.  _

 

Christen pulled up her Google Maps and typed in their desired location, with Tobin’s response coming quickly while the directions loaded. 

 

She clicked over to her messages again to read it, hoping the immediate response meant good things.

 

**{Tobin Heath: 8:25 am}** _ I can’t tonight, sorry.  _

 

Christen’s stomach dropped a little, feeling dejected by Tobin’s refusal without her offering more of an explanation as to why. She sighed quietly before she took a breath and focused on the good things again. She had Julie and Zach there with her, and they’d all enjoy the day just as much with or without Tobin. 

 

Instead of replying, Christen clicked back over to Google Maps and found their destination again, letting the directions load this time.

 

“Alright, let’s do this thing.” Christen hummed, putting her Bluetooth on so the directions would come through the speakers in her car before she pulled out of her parking space and headed for the road. 

 

The trio made their way along the coastline from the cruise ship port, driving along the two lane highway just at the speed limit. The top on Christen’s Mini Cooper was down and all three of them had smiles plastered to their faces as the warm wind whipped through the car, taking in the mountain scenery along the roadside as they went. 

 

Julie spent most of the time sending snapchats and pictures to all of their friends back home, dancing to the loud music and making Christen laugh the whole time she drove. Both of them in their own best friend world, with Zach nodding his head along in the backseat quietly. 

 

Christen hadn’t been up to Hanalei Bay yet, but she had heard it was one of the best beaches on the island, and it didn’t take any convincing before Zach and Julie agreed to stop and check it out.

 

The beautiful white sand beaches in Hanalei were more pristine than any of the beaches Christen had close to her house on the south end of the island, and she was loving it immediately. Once they parked the car, they all grabbed a coffee from a small shack on the edge of the beach and then walked along the water slowly, laughing and taking more pictures as they made their way down the soft sand.

 

There were several boat tour outfitters lined up on the beach and they found one that seemed like fun that would take them out on the water for a tour of the Nāpali Coast. With time to kill before the boat tour left, Zach decided to do some easy hiking on a trial he found across the road from the beach, while Christen and Julie found a spot in the sand to sit and catch up.

 

Even though they talked on the phone and FaceTimed a few times a week, it still felt like they had a million things to discuss and gossip about from the last month they’d been without each other. 

 

“So, tell me your favorite thing about living in Hawaii so far.” Julie wondered as they calmed down from another fit of laughter, ending their hilarious reminiscing about the first time they met in college.

 

Christen took a deep breath and relaxed her laugh-aching cheeks, thinking on it for a moment.

 

“Hmm... I guess I would say the people.” She finally answered. “Everyone here has been so nice. It’s been easier than I expected to make friends so far.”

 

“Yeah?” Julie wondered. “That makes me happy. As long as you don’t forget about your old friends too, missy.”

 

“Of course not.” Christen waved her off, looping her arm with Julie’s again from where she was sitting right next to her. 

 

“But I will admit it’s been a nice change of pace. Meeting people who don’t know anything about my past has made it easier to not think about the whole reason of why I left San Francisco.”

 

Julie nodded, already feeling bad that the conversation was turning in a direction she was trying to avoid. She knew Christen hadn’t wanted to discuss it, but as soon as the first question was asked, it was like the subject was unavoidable. 

 

Julie wasn’t sure how to respond but Christen didn’t give her much time to think about it before she asked a question of her own.

 

“Have you seen him around at all?” She wondered curiously, trying to keep her voice level so Julie would answer her truthfully. 

 

“I haven’t, no.” Julie shook her head, knowingly referring to Christen’s ex. “Zach saw him one night when the guys were out doing their fantasy draft at a bar, and from the sounds of it, there was almost a huge fight because he showed up.”

 

Christen looked over at Julie, wanting to know more details but trying not to be so eager. Even though Julie knew everything, Christen was still trying to seem like she didn’t care.

 

“Zach basically told him they aren’t friends anymore, and if he comes around again, he’ll kick his ass.” Julie laughed humorlessly. “I actually think he may hate him more than I do, which is definitely saying something.” 

 

Christen swallowed and smiled smally, resting her head on Julie’s shoulder for a minute as they looked out at the water in silence.  

 

“Thanks for having my back.” Christen finally hummed, not going any further into it. She wanted only happy thoughts today and he certainly wasn’t one of them.

 

“Of course, babe.” Julie nodded, wrapping her arm around Christen’s shoulder for a moment. “You’re my ride or die. That doesn’t change just because we don’t live in the same city anymore.”

 

Christen grinned at Julie’s favorite term of endearment, lifting her head off her shoulder and shaking her thoughts of the past away again. 

 

“Okay, so, any hotties here that you’ve had your eye on yet?” Julie asked trying to lighten the mood. “I’m sure my gorgeous best friend has been a hit with the locals already.”

 

Christen rolled her eyes playfully, unsure of how to answer her while still being truthful. 

 

“Kind of... I don’t know.” She shrugged, thinking of one person in particular.

 

Christen saw a moment of surprise flash across Julie’s face, before she relaxed again, taking the news in stride. It was obvious she wasn’t expecting Christen to have anyone new on her mind already. 

 

“ _ Ohhh, _ details now, please.” Julie spoke excitedly, facing Christen and listening intently. “Actually wait, summary first... It’s been too long since we got to do this.”

 

Christen started to laugh, knowing Julie was remembering the game they used to play in college where they would describe their new crushes in five words or less. 

 

“Hot surfer who I accidentally kissed?” Christen settled on quickly.

 

Julie slowly repeated the words, counting on her fingers. “Okay, that was six words, but you know what..  I don’t even care.” Julie’s eyes lit up. “What!”

 

Christen just laughed sheepishly with a shrug, unsure of what Julie was going to question her on. 

 

“Hot guy?” Julie’s eyebrow raised a little. “..Or hot girl?”

 

“…Hot girl, actually..” Christen conceded, watching Julie’s face for her reaction again. The surprise factor of this made it that much more fun for Christen to discuss.

 

“Girl?... Chris!” Julie clapped her hands together once. “You haven’t dated a girl since, like, sophomore year!”

 

“I know.” Christen was blushing while she laughed again. “Believe me, I’m kind of surprised too.”

 

“This is amazing.” Julie smiled. “I secretly always liked you better with girls. They’re way more fun.”

 

“Okay, but lower your expectations. We’re not dating or anything.” Christen grabbed Julie’s hand that had been thrust into the air in celebration, bringing it back down to her lap. 

 

“I want the full story.” Julie insisted, going quiet again so Christen knew she was listening. “I promise I won’t interrupt.”

 

“There isn’t that much of a story, to be honest.” Christen thought out loud. “We met at a bar the first weekend I was here and I accidentally kissed her that night.”

 

“Accidently?” Julie started to laugh. “Sure..”

 

“I did!” Christen defended herself, even though she knew it sounded dumb. “Well, I mean I just didn’t know I was going to do it and then next thing I know, bam! We were kissing..”

 

“Wait, so  _ you _ even made the first move?” Julie gushed in delight.

 

“Yeah, I have no idea where it came from.” Christen admitted, thinking back on it. “I guess I was just lonely and thought she was hot, so I went for it.”

 

Julie chuckled to herself, shaking her head a little at Christen’s description of the kiss. 

 

“Oh gosh, that sounds bad.” Christen realized what she had just admitted, putting her hand over her eyes for a moment. 

 

“No, it doesn’t.” Julie shook her head quickly. “You’re young and single and hot and you should be kissing whoever you want.”

 

“Maybe..” Christen went quieter then. “I don’t know, I think I may have ruined it already though...”

 

“Why?” Julie asked softly. “What happened?”

 

“It’s just…” Christen shrugged. “Complicated? I guess?”   
  


“Well, talk me through it.” Julie suggested. “I’m all ears and I’m on your side only. We can figure this out.”

 

Christen smiled again, loving how loyal Julie was at every moment of their friendship.

 

“That night after we kissed, we saw each other again and kind of started hanging out.” Christen started. “And we’ve talked a lot, like texting and stuff. And then we spent a whole day together - and _ this is _ going to sound bad - but I almost kissed her again.”

 

_ “Classic Press.” _ Julie started laughing, which made Christen laugh too.

 

“I really like spending time with her, but I don’t know, it just seems like a lot so quickly and it’s freaking me out…” 

 

“And she told you she wants to be more than friends or what?” Julie questioned. 

 

“Well that’s the thing, she hasn’t said that specifically. But then we went to the beach earlier this week and we were having a really fun day until we had this weird run-in with a girl she has dated in the past. And I kind of got roped into telling her to ask the girl out again, and I think she got upset about that, and now we haven’t talked much the last few days.”

 

“Hmmm.” Julie thought on it, narrowing her eyes at the sand for a moment. “So maybe she’s getting some mixed signals from you?”

 

“Yeah.” Christen admitted easily. “I’m sure she is, which I  _ do _ feel bad about. That’s not what I’ve been trying to do at all.”

 

“Well, why do you think you're sending her mixed signals then?” Julie challenged lightly. 

 

“Because I don’t know if I’m ready for more right now.” Christen thought out loud. “I like being around her, but I think I’m just hesitant to jump into anything. Honestly, I don’t think I can handle any more hurt than what I’ve been through lately.”

 

“Chris, not everything has to be serious right away.” Julie insisted gently. “You can have fun and just casually date and stuff, ya know..”

 

“Yeah, I know.” Christen nodded, realizing she was probably making a bigger deal out of it than she had to be. 

 

“Have you told her that?” Julie asked then. “Have you told her how you feel at all?”

 

“No.” Christen shook her head. “She only knows the basics of my previous relationship. Which I realize now is probably unfair.”

 

“Well, if you trust her enough, maybe open up to her more.” Julie suggested. “It kind of sounds like you both just need to be honest about what you’re feeling and see where it can go. Even if you decide to just be friends, honesty is always the best policy.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right.” Christen nodded, looking off into the distance for a moment. “I do trust her and I need to be more forthcoming with my feelings. She’s pretty easy to talk to and if nothing else, I don’t want to lose her as a friend.”

 

They heard someone approaching from behind them then, turning to find Zach as he had just come back from his short hike across the road. He was looking at his watch as he came to a stop in the sand next to them.

 

“The tour leaves in ten, we should probably go board the boat.” He suggested to the two women. 

 

“Yeah, we should.” Christen agreed, not realizing how fast the time had gone.

 

Julie reached out and gave her arm a squeeze, ending their heartfelt conversation easily as they stood up. 

 

“Trust your instincts, Chris.” She smiled. “If you think she’s worth it, then she probably is.”

 

“You’re right.” Christen nodded.

 

“And if all of that advice fails, then just sleep with her.” Julie started to laugh but she was being serious. Shrugging easily. “Sometimes a good lay is all you need to get back in the game.”

 

Christen raised her eyebrows and conceded like Julie may have a good point, as all three of them started to walk up the sand towards where the boat tour was leaving from. 

 

Christen was feeling better about her situation with Tobin already after talking it over for five minutes with Julie. She kind of felt like the ball was in her court and she needed to put herself out there more, hoping Tobin would give her the opportunity again at some point. But for the rest of the afternoon all she wanted to do was focus on having fun with her friends, so that’s what she did.

 

They spent the next five hours on a small catamaran, gliding through the water at the edge of the rugged coastline. The tall sea cliffs just off in the distance, sparkling against the blue ocean water, as waterfalls poured down the side of the cliff walls to meet the sea. 

 

They saw a small pod of dolphins jumping in and out of the water and even spotted a sea turtle as they cruised through one of the rock caves. Trying to take as many pictures and videos as possible as they motored along.

 

Christen had been to some pretty gorgeous places while traveling for work, but she had never seen something so magical as the Nāpali Coast. Plus, the fact that the views were only accessible by boat or helicopter made it even more special. 

 

By the time the boat got back to the dock, it was close to dinner time, and they were all worn out from the sun and starving from a lack of food. The small lunch that was provided on the boat was doing little to fend off their hunger and they couldn't wait much longer to eat. 

 

Luckily, the restaurant that Tobin had mentioned to Christen in passing a couple weeks ago was only about a ten minute drive for them, making the decision on where to go an easy one. A classic Hawaiian dinner would be the best way for them to end the day before Zach and Julie had to catch their cruise ship out of town once again.

 

Christen drove them into town a little ways, dropping Zach and Julie off at the door of the restaurant so they could get a table while she parked. The small establishment was more than a little busy, and they guessed it would be a bit of wait. 

 

Christen parked and made her way down the street before she found Zach and Julie hanging out on the sidewalk outside of the restaurant, with a table pager in hand. 

 

“They said it’d be about twenty minutes.” Julie informed the dark haired woman when she approached. 

 

Christen nodded and joined their small circle, listening as Julie and Zach planned out the rest of their vacation as they waited on their table. 

 

As soon as the pager went off to signal that their table was ready, Christen spun around to head for the door, quickly stopping in her tracks as her eyes caught sight of a familiar figure that was walking up the sidewalk towards them. 

 

Her tan skin and wavy brown hair glowing perfectly against the evening sun. 

 

Christen felt her lungs deflate at the sight of her.

 

Of course Tobin would be here tonight. Christen was never let off easy with anything. 

 

It seemed as if they noticed each other at the exact same time, both of their faces visibly dropping in a moment of uncomfortable, silent surprise.

 

Christen's eyes glanced from Tobin’s over to the person walking next to her, spotting that blonde woman she met a few days ago on the beach. 

 

Her mind was processing what was happening in slow motion as Julie and Zach passed her up on the way to the door. 

 

Tobin looked like she wanted to run. 

 

Christen felt like she wanted to hide.

 

The awkwardness between them was palpable, even from a distance, but neither of them could do anything but continue to approach each other; with the door of the restaurant acting as a meeting place right in the middle of them. 

 

Christen hoped then that she could just follow Julie and Zach inside and skip the uneasy conversation like she actually hadn’t noticed them; before the blonde, Taylor, spotted her and ruined her idea quickly.

 

“Hey... I know you.” Taylor pointed at her with a smile when she realized Christen was standing in front of the door, turning to look at Tobin who was just behind her. “You’re Kelley and Tobin’s friend, right?”

 

Christen nodded silently, her eyes moving over to Tobin’s again.

 

Tobin looked like she was in pain, forcing herself to smile as Taylor looked back at Christen.

 

“Hey, Christen..” Tobin tried to grin a little more before she ran a hand through her hair, obviously being forced to acknowledge Christen now that Taylor had pointed them out to each other.

 

She wasn’t trying to be rude to Christen, but she also clearly felt bad about being caught out on a date with Taylor again. 

 

As soon as Julie heard Christen’s name, she spun around to see what was happening as well. 

 

“Hey..” Christen returned to both of them, forcing a smile of her own.

 

“Who are your friends, Chris?” Julie popped in over her shoulder, wanting an introduction.

 

Christen looked at Julie and then to Tobin and then to Taylor, hating the whole thing as it was happening. 

 

“Ah, this is Tobin.” Christen pointed, losing focus in Tobin's brown eyes before she could continue.

 

“And I’m her date, Taylor.” The blonde cut in, not waiting for Christen to introduce her. 

 

Taylor stuck her hand out to Julie, shaking it for a moment as Christen and Tobin’s eyes stayed locked on each others. 

 

“Nice to meet you.” Julie smiled back, not unkindly. 

 

Julie gave Christen another look and noticed the way she and Tobin were still holding eye contact and it all clicked into place for her; realizing what was happening right in front of her. 

 

“Chris, our table is ready.” Julie said then, pulling on Christen’s arm to end this awkward encounter and save her best friend. 

 

“Right.”  Christen shook her head to snap out of the hold she had on Tobin. “Ah, we’ve gotta..” she pointed behind her. 

 

“Yeah, of course.” Tobin finally spoke up again, clearing her throat and giving Christen the sorriest look she could convey. 

 

Christen just nodded once, spinning on her heels as Julie grabbed her hand, pulling her through the crowded entryway and back towards their table without waiting for anyone to say any other parting words. 

 

As soon as they sat down, Julie was giving Christen a knowing look, hardly waiting for the waitress to walk away before launching into her questions.

 

“That’s her?” Julie started, sneaking another glance at the two who were still waiting in the entryway. 

 

“Her, who?” Christen tried to play it off, hoping Julie hadn’t actually caught on to how awkward the whole situation in the doorway had been.

 

“Surfer girl who you have a thing for!” Julie pointed at them across the room again. 

 

“Stop pointing. Jesus.” Christen reached up and grabbed her hand quickly. “Yeah, that’s her.”

 

“Damn, she _is_ hot.” Julie smiled. “And what the hell was that?”

 

Christen blushed a little, not knowing which part of Julie’s statement to respond to. She actually enjoyed the fact that Julie called Tobin hot, which just helped to reaffirm Christen’s thoughts of her as well. 

 

“What was what?” Christen decided to play dumb.

 

“Ah, that super weird look you guys were giving each other.” Julie responded. “And her date…”

 

“We weren’t giving each other a weird look, Jules. It’s fine.” Christen shrugged. 

 

“Bullshit.” Julie scoffed lightly. “Is she okay? It kinda looks like she’s being held hostage right now.”

 

Christen was dying to turn around and look at Tobin again but she knew she couldn’t. 

 

“Can we drop it?” Christen requested instead, turning to look at Zach who was pretending to browse the menu as he listened to the two women and their back and forth banter. “What looks good?”

 

Julie gave Christen one more look and then sighed, giving in just as the waitress was approaching again to take their drink orders. 

 

Christen tried to teach them a few of the Hawaiian words she had picked up recently, as they waited for their meals. Basically trying to discuss anything other than Tobin and her date, who of course had been seated across the room, right in Julie’s line of sight. 

 

The other subjects only lasted so long before Julie was about to burst, not being able to help herself and her curious mind any longer. 

 

“Okay, seriously, I just need to say one more thing.” Julie jumped in at the first lull in the conversation.

 

“About what?” Christen asked with a mouthful of food, hoping it wasn’t what she thought it was going to be.

 

“About your surfer chick.” Julie smiled ruefully. 

 

“Jules..” Christen’s shoulders dropped as she swallowed her food.

 

“What?” Julie put her hand up in question. She leaned in closer to Christen to almost whisper. “I’m just going to point out that she keeps looking over here, like, every minute. I kind of feel bad for her date because of how uninterested she seems in the whole thing.”

 

Christen took a deep breath and focused her stare on Julie, forcing herself to not turn around. It would be so obvious they were still talking about them if she did.

 

“Well, there is nothing I can do about it right now.” Christen shrugged.

 

“You need to bang her.” Julie said then, matter-of-factly. “Get her out of that awful dating situation she is in. She looks miserable over there.”

 

Zach looked up from the text he just got on his phone. “Who is banging who?”

 

“Christen is banging that hot girl sitting at your three o’clock.”

 

Zach turned his head to the right as his eyes drifted over to the table along the wall, spotting Tobin and unintentionally making quick eye contact with her. 

 

“Oops, I think she saw me.” He murmured as he turned to face Julie and Christen again.

 

“Oh my gosh... Enough!” Christen laughed, swatting his arm. “Plus, nobody says bang anymore.”

 

Julie started to laugh too. “Fine, I’ll stop, but you had better tell me as soon as it happens.”

 

“Who says it’s even going to happen?” Christen challenged.

 

“Please don’t patronize me.” Julie smiled jokingly.

 

Christen took another big bite, choosing not to respond as the conversation shifted again.

 

Christen’s dating life or, lack thereof, didn’t come up again as they finished their food in comfortable conversation, before the waitress eventually brought over the bill. 

  
  


Christen paid the tab while Zach got up to ask the hostess at the front of the restaurant to call a cab for them. Christen insisted several times she could drive them back to the cruise ship port, but they were adamant about not wanting to make her drive in the opposite direction of her house again. 

 

It would be a half hour extra for her and they could cab it just as easily. 

 

“Babe, what time did the itinerary say we had to be back on the ship tonight?” Julie questioned as she looked at the time on her phone once Zach returned, knowing it was getting to be later than she expected.

 

“I think the last call for boarding is 8:15.” Zach mentioned.

 

“How long was the drive over here?” Julie looked to Christen for an estimate. 

 

“It’ll probably take thirty or thirty-five minutes to get back over there.” Christen guessed.

 

“Shit, I didn’t realize how close we are cutting it.” Julie murmured, not wanting to panic but starting to worry slightly. 

 

Zach looked at his watch and nodded, looking around the restaurant as Julie quickly downed the remainder of her drink. 

 

“If you guys need to go, you don’t have to wait on me.” Christen suggested, recognizing Julie’s worried look as soon as she glanced back up from her phone. “I mean, I definitely hate to see you go, but I would totally understand. I’ll probably hang out and finish this drink anyway.”

 

“Maybe that would be a good idea?” Julie agreed. “I hate to just leave you here though.”

 

“Seriously, don’t worry about it.” Christen shrugged. “As much as I’d selfishly love for you to miss the boat and stay forever, I’m guessing that would ruin the rest of your trip.”

 

“Yeah, and that would cost us a lot of money.” Zach laughed quickly. “Let me give you cash for dinner though? You didn’t need to put it all on your card.”

 

They’d had this discussion twice already and Christen wasn't budging.

 

“Absolutely not.” Christen shook her head. “This was on me. It was so, so good to spend the day with you guys. It was just the pick-me-up from home that I needed.”

 

Zach got up from the table and made his way to the hostess desk again to check on the cab, while the ladies said goodbye to each other. 

 

“Aww, Chris.” Julie stuck her bottom lip out in a pout as she scooted her chair back to stand up. “I seriously miss you so much. Come home, please?”

 

Christen forced herself to laugh so she wouldn’t tear up as she stood up to hug her best friend. “If I could, I would. I miss you like crazy.”

 

“The city isn’t the same without you, that’s for sure.” Julie mentioned as she latched onto Christen tightly. “Love you.”

 

“Love you too, Jules.” Christen choked out softly. “Come back and visit soon and spend some quality time here with me.”

 

“I definitely will.” Julie nodded. “We’ve already talked about planning a girls trip to come see you.”

 

Zach slowly made his way back to the table, getting Julie’s attention. “Babe, the cab is right outside.” He mentioned, lightly trying to pull the two women apart. “Great to see you, Christen. Take care of yourself.”

 

Zach and Christen gave each other a hug before Julie pulled Christen in one last time for another embrace. Christen smiled at her then as the couple slowly turned around to exit the restaurant, disappearing from sight quickly once they were out the door. 

 

Christen sat back down and busied herself on her phone as she finished her drink. After a few minutes, she noticed out of the corner of her eye that Tobin and Taylor had stood up from their small table along the wall and were making their way to the exit as well.

 

Christen did everything she could not to glance up at them, not wanting to seem like she was at all interested in what they were doing. As soon as they were past her and almost to the door though, Christen’s curiosity got the best of her, glancing over to watch them leave, feeling like the closing sound of the door was louder than it had been all night at their exit. 

 

She rolled her eyes with a pang of jealousy, making herself focus on her phone again. 

 

The waitress stopped in front of her and looked at her mostly empty glass, asking if she wanted another drink.

 

“Yeah, why not?” Christen nodded, even though she had already paid the tab. 

 

She remembered that she had nothing to rush home for tonight except a dark house and an empty bed, wanting to delay that for as long as possible.  

 

The bar had thinned out rapidly, leaving only a few people scattered at the bar top and a couple tables behind her still occupied. 

 

Christen got lost in her phone again after the waitress brought her that other drink, only faintly registering the door of the bar opening and closing periodically. 

 

She was trying to figure out what picture from the day she wanted to put on Instagram that would make all her friends back home jealous of her and Julie’s day, when all of a sudden, someone was clearing their throat as they came to a stop next to her table. 

 

Christen slowly lifted her head and looked up to meet those hazel brown eyes that she’d come to enjoy so much, once again surprised to see Tobin. This time she was standing next to Christen’s table and staring down at her with a mixture of urgency and desire and maybe a little regret. 

 

Christen opened her mouth to say something when Tobin reached out and cupped Christen’s jaw softly, angling her face just enough, as she leaned down and kissed Christen softly. Their lips meeting chastely for just a moment, before Tobin pulled back again. 

 

Tobin licked her lips and let out a breath, sticking her hand out to grab Christen’s, ignoring the absolutely dumbfounded look on Christen’s face. 

 

“Let’s go.” Tobin hummed softly, not breaking eye contact. 

 

She was over this back and forth game they were playing and wasn’t going to wait any longer.

 

Christen didn’t even hesitate, reaching out and linking her fingers with Tobin’s as she stood up from her chair. Caught off guard but not letting herself say no. 

 

Deep down she knew this was what she had wanted all night.

 

They got a few feet away from the table, when Christen stopped in her tracks. “Tobin, wait.”

 

Tobin turned around with a worried look on her face, like maybe this bold move wasn’t actually going to pan out how she had envisioned it outside. 

 

“I have to pay for my drink.” Christen smiled shyly. Hating that she was ruining this moment of gumption from Tobin, but also not willing to walk out on an unpaid tab.

 

Tobin’s face soften and she laughed a little, letting go of Christen’s hand and reaching into her pocket for her wallet. She pulled out a crisp twenty dollar bill from it and moved around Christen, dropping the money on the table where Christen’s half empty drink was still sitting.

 

Tobin then turned around and was right back to her original mission, grabbing Christen’s hand again and pulling her towards the door.  

 

She led them out to where her truck was parked down the street, with their fingers intertwined the whole way. Neither of them saying anything else until they stopped next to the passenger side door of the truck. 

 

Tobin let out another slow breath and squared up to face Christen, pushing her back against the door of the Bronco lightly. She held eye contact as she leaned in, giving Christen a chance to stop her if she wanted to; before their lips were meeting again. Kissing unhurriedly for a few moments, enjoying each other the way they both had been wanting to, before Tobin slowly pulled back.

 

“I’m sorry..” Tobin whispered then, putting her hand up on the window of her Bronco, pining Christen against it. 

 

“Me too.” Christen hummed, reaching out to hold Tobin’s waist now that she wasn’t completely caught off guard. 

 

They looked at each other for a moment before Christen pushed herself up enough to steal another kiss from Tobin.

 

“I didn’t mean to ruin this.” Christen whispered against Tobin’s lips after a moment. “I know that it’s my fault.”

 

“You didn’t.” Tobin shook her head adamantly. “Sometimes I’m too stubborn for my own good.” 

 

She smiled guiltily as she leaned back a little to speak.

 

“You know, I don’t think I took my eyes off of you for more than ten seconds at a time tonight.. And as I was sitting there feeling upset about the fact that it wasn’t you across from me, I realized that I never actually told you how I felt.”

 

Tobin took a moment before continuing. 

 

“I haven’t been clear with my feelings for you. I just assumed you knew how I felt and that’s my fault. So let me be clear about them now.” 

 

Christen was looking at Tobin earnestly, waiting for her to speak.

 

“I really like you, Christen.” Tobin finally said out loud, not keeping her thoughts to herself any longer.

 

Christen swallowed and forced herself to say the thing that had been scaring her the most. The thing she couldn’t take back once it was out in the open, but the thing she knew was right.

 

“I like you too.” She whispered, looking Tobin right in the eyes. “It’s scary and a little overwhelming but I also can’t stop thinking about it.”

 

“I know.” Tobin nodded. “I feel the same way.”

 

Christen bit her bottom lip, nervous about what this conversation was going to mean for them. 

 

Tobin must have picked up on her hesitancy right away, trying to ease Christen's worry.

 

“No pressure, okay? Whatever you can give me right now, that’s what I want. I don’t want to waste my time going on dates with people I don’t care about.”

 

Christen smiled, letting out a breath of her own as a sense of relief washed over her. “I don’t want you going on dates with other people, either. I kind of hated seeing that. I hated thinking about you taking her home at the end of the night.”

 

“I wouldn’t have done that, Chris.” Tobin shook her head again. “I’m sorry that I even let it get this far. Seriously, tonight was torture.”

 

Tobin looked up and met Christen’s eyes, giving her the softest look. “She’s not the one that I want.”

 

Christen smiled and leaned in again, kissing Tobin quickly just because she wanted to.

 

“It’s okay.” Christen hummed, grabbing Tobin’s free hand that was hanging by her hip. “I know that I’ve given you some mixed signals and I’m sorry too. It’s been a lot to wrap my head around, and we just haven’t been the best at communicating so far.”

 

“Well how about we start now?” Tobin suggested with a smile, which made Christen smile in return.

 

“I would like that.” She nodded. 

 

“Good.” Tobin grinned a little wider. “So for starters.. I want you to know that you’re the one I want to be spending my time with right now. You’re the one I want to take to dinner and text all day long and steal kisses from whenever I can.”

 

Christen laughed, knowing already that was such a Tobin thing to do. 

 

“And you’re definitely the only one I want to take home at the end of the night.” Tobin smiled charmingly. 

 

Christen bit her lip again for a moment, letting her eyes find Tobin’s before she let out a small laugh. “Okay.” She nodded slowly.

 

“Okay?” Tobin wondered softly.

 

“Yeah.” Christen nodded again, more firmly this time. “Then take me home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peyton will be home from camp soon, in case you are missing that little munchkin as much as I am.


	7. Hurricane.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh little darlin' don't you look charming  
> Here in the eye of a hurricane.  
> Real or imagined - what does it matter?  
> Come inside, can I get you to stay?
> 
>  
> 
> .

“After you..”

 

Tobin hummed quietly as she pushed the door leading in from the garage open and flicked on the lights in the entryway, making it easier for Christen to see what she was walking into.

 

Christen smiled and slowly stepped into the house, just past Tobin who slowly followed her inside.

 

“So, this is your house, huh?” Christen questioned as she looked around the mostly dark home leisurely before she looked back at Tobin for obvious confirmation.

 

“This is it.” Tobin nodded. “Me and PJ’s magic castle.”

 

She started to laugh softly as Christen gave her an amused, questioning look.

 

“That’s what Peyton calls it.” Tobin informed her of the name. “Not sure exactly where she came up with that one, but I guess it kind of stuck.”

 

“Well, it feels magical in here, so I don’t blame her.” Christen encouraged with a smile.

 

She really could tell the instant they stepped inside how homey and welcoming it felt, even with only one light currently illuminating the darkness. The house was slightly unorganized, in the way they usually are when kids live in them, but not at all messy. It was actually pretty dang charming, right from her first impression.

 

Christen softly toed off her sandals as Tobin dropped her keys on the small table in the entryway, before they both slowly made their way further into the house, Tobin flipping on lights as they went.

 

Christen smiled a little wider when the lights were mostly all on, spotting various homemade artworks on the fridge, clearly drawn with little, unsteady hands. And bigger, more level handed works of art that were hanging on the walls in the living room and dining room.

 

Christen let her eyes roam for another moment, taking it all in, as Tobin stood next to her silently. When Christen felt like she had a feel for the place she turned to look at Tobin again.

 

“Sorry.” She laughed a little, feeling like she was being nosey all the sudden. “You have a very nice home.”

 

“Thank you.” Tobin grinned happily. “We like it alright.”

 

She reached out, wordlessly asking if she could take Christen’s purse from her, which the dark haired woman handed over willingly. Tobin set it on the entryway table by her keys and then walked back to Christen again.

 

“Can I get you something to drink?” She asked politely.

 

They were skirting around each other slightly nervously like they hadn’t just made out outside of a restaurant, and then decided to go home together no more than twenty minutes ago.

 

Being alone in Tobin’s home was suddenly making them both a little shy in the best way possible.

 

“Um, sure.” Christen nodded, letting out a shallow breath. “I’m good with whatever you have.”

 

“Vodka soda with a lime.” Tobin recalled in a whisper, mostly to herself but loud enough for Christen to hear her.

 

“You remembered that?” Christen laughed softly, a little surprised.

 

“Of course I did.” Tobin hummed, reaching on top of the tall kitchen hutch to grab an unopened bottle of vodka and a mostly empty bottle of whiskey, pulling them both down and setting them on the island.

 

“I thought you didn’t drink vodka?” Christen wondered as she looked at the full bottle, remembering that Tobin teased her for her drink of choice the first time they met.

 

“I don’t, typically.” Tobin shrugged. “I had this left over from Alex’s birthday party a couple months ago. I knew it’d come in handy at some point.”

 

She looked up and winked at Christen, and they both smiled entertainingly.

 

Tobin grabbed a lime from a bowl of fruit that was on the counter and washed it before she cut a wedge off of it, using it to complete Christen’s drink. She then poured herself two fingers of whiskey into a short tumbler, before walking around the island to where Christen was leaning against the corner of it.

 

She came to a standstill right in front of the dark haired woman.

 

“One vodka soda with a lime.” Tobin repeated, handing Christen’s drink over to her.

 

“Thank you.” Christen grinned appreciatively as she took it out of Tobin’s hand, making sure not to spill.

 

They both took a sip of their own drinks, holding eye contact as they did.

 

Christen swallowed and then set her glass down for a moment, taking a breath to calm her nerves. She was internally forcing herself to slow down, wanting to take this night slow; but the way Tobin was gazing at her in the moment was making it difficult.

 

Her sultry brown eyes looking at Christen almost seductively, without even really meaning to be.

 

Christen cleared her throat and looked around the kitchen again.

 

“Your house is so homey.” She mentioned aloud, before looking at the drawings on the fridge again and pointing to them. “Did Peyton draw those?”

 

Tobin looked over at the front of the fridge herself, spotting the various drawings the child had made her over the last couple of years as she started to laugh.

 

“No, I did...” She joked.

 

That made Christen laugh too, feeling herself relax instantly. “Wow, you’re quite an artist.”

 

“I know.” Tobin chuckled and pointed at one of them. “Look how good I’m getting? That blob of red crayon in the center there, that’s all freehand, if you can believe it.”

 

Christen rolled her eyes and looked back at Tobin who was still smiling widely. She reached out and grabbed Tobin’s hand, stepping closer to her without thinking about it.

 

“Oh hush.” Christen murmured cutely, pretending to be offended by the teasing.

 

“Just kidding.” Tobin smiled, setting her drink down and reaching out to grab Christen’s hip with her left hand.

 

“When does she come home?” Christen wondered, referring to the little girl.

 

Peyton had been gone all week at an Ocean Girls camp on Oahu. It was a week spent learning about the ocean, learning how to surf and doing other fun water activities for the little girl. Tobin thought initially that she was too young for a whole week of overnight camp, but Peyton insisted on it, and if their nightly phone calls had been any indication of how the week was going, she was having a blast.

 

“She’ll be back tomorrow.” Tobin answered her. “Sometime in the afternoon.”

 

Christen nodded as she thought for a second. “So it’s just us tonight then?”

 

Tobin smiled in return. “Just us.”

 

They looked at each other sensually before Tobin slowly shifted and leaned in, kissing Christen’s lips softly, just for a moment.

 

Christen’s insides felt like they were buzzing. She wanted so much of Tobin all of the sudden, almost feeling like she was going to combust just from one small kiss.

 

They were alone for the rest of the night and could do whatever they pleased with each other. That fact was suddenly turning her on and making her extra nervous all at the same time.

 

She bit her bottom lip and let go of Tobin then, backing up a step and running her hand through her hair, trying to compose herself before she got too overwhelmed.

 

Tobin could sense the effect she was having on the green eyed woman, taking just the smallest step back of her own, looking at Christen gently and giving her as much time as she needed.

 

“Would you mind if we talked for a bit?” Christen asked, looking back at Tobin again.

 

“No, I would like that.” Tobin responded kindly, taking another sip of her whiskey to buy them a moment.  

 

Christen lifted herself up on the kitchen island, sitting so her legs were swinging back and forth over the edge. Tobin pulled a stool out from under the counter and sat down, right next to Christen.

 

They had talked a little on the drive back to Tobin’s house about what happened. Taylor and Tobin had met at that restaurant for dinner since Taylor lived up on that side of the island; and after they were done eating, they both just decided to do their own thing for the remainder of the night.

 

But Christen needed more details than that. She was understandably curious about how that conversation went and where Tobin and Taylor now stood.

 

“So back at the restaurant...” Christen started, wanting the full story of those five minutes from when she saw the pair leave to when Tobin came back inside for her.

 

Tobin nodded, making sure Christen wasn’t going to finish her question before she explained with a little more detail.

 

“I knew on my drive up there that I didn’t want to go.” Tobin started. “Especially after you texted me this morning and invited me to hang out with you and your friends... Sorry I was so short with you about it, by the way.”

 

Tobin thought about her words for a moment before she continued, looking up at Christen again.

 

“She asked me to have dinner with her when I was leaving the beach the other day. The day you met her, I guess it was. And I was a little upset at the time because I felt like I had no shot with you, so I told her I would go. I knew it was a dumb idea as soon as I agreed to it.”

 

Christen nodded. “That afternoon... It didn’t end the way I meant it to..”

 

“I know.” Tobin stopped her with a gentle tone. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Like I said earlier, it was my fault for not telling you how I felt then. Instead of getting mad at you for agreeing with Kelley, I should have just taken those few minutes we had alone and told you that I was into you.”

 

Tobin shrugged, looking down at her hands.

 

“And I don’t mean this in a cocky way, but I usually don’t have an issue doing that..”

 

“Telling girls how you feel?” Christen questioned seriously.

 

“Yeah, more or less..” Tobin hummed. “But it’s just been a bit different with you. Like it matters more or something, I don’t really know.”

 

Christen didn’t know what to say to that so she just held her gaze on Tobin and waited for her continue, so Tobin did.

 

“I saw you leave with Mana without saying goodbye at the beach and it, like, frustrated me so much that I just told Taylor I’d go to dinner with her, without thinking it through any further.”

 

Christen looked at her apologetically.

 

“Then tonight when I saw you, I just couldn’t ignore my feelings anymore.” Tobin sighed. “I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I knew I was being way too obvious about it too, which I still feel bad about for Taylor. I was practically ignoring her conversation and she didn’t deserve that..”

 

Christen nodded, feeling slightly bad for the woman too. That had to have been uncomfortable.

 

“She’s the one that actually pointed it out at the restaurant.” Tobin reflected. “She turned around to see what I was looking at and when she saw you, she just kindly asked me why I hadn’t made a move on you yet.”

 

“She did?” Christen asked in surprise, not expecting that at all.

 

“Yeah..” Tobin nodded. “She said it was pretty obvious that you and I liked each other and that I shouldn’t have agreed to go out with her if I didn’t want to.”

 

Christen’s jaw dropped a little. 

 

“She totally called me out.” Tobin chuckled. “But in, like, a nice way... She’s honestly cool and she said you were really pretty and that she thought I had a shot with you and that I should go for it.”

 

“So when you were done eating, you just, like, said bye on the sidewalk or what?” Christen wondered almost amusedly now.

 

“Yeah we just talked as we walked to her car and then she said she was going to a party and assumed I didn’t want to go with. It’s chill, we’ve known each other through mutual friends for a while now, no hard feelings or anything.”

 

Tobin explained it like it was the simplest thing in the world. And suddenly Christen wished she could approach every relationship like Tobin and Taylor did. They gave it a shot and hung out a couple times and realized they weren’t meant to be, so they just agreed to go back to being friends.

 

How simple of a concept it seemed. No overthinking at all.

 

“Wow.” Was all Christen could say.

 

She honestly expected more drama over it than that.

 

Tobin laughed a little and reached out to grab Christen’s hand, lacing a couple fingers with hers as a way to show Christen she was present and only interested in her. The small gesture made Christen relax a little more.

 

They fell silent for a moment as Christen seemed to get lost in her thoughts, while Tobin waited patiently for her to sort them out again.

 

“I have another question.” Christen asked then, a little hesitantly. “And I know it really isn’t any of my business, but now I’m curious because you both seem so cavalier about the whole situation.”

 

“Ask away.” Tobin encouraged her. “I’m an open book to you.”

 

There wasn’t anything about her dating life she wasn’t willing to tell Christen. There wasn’t anything to hide.

 

“Did you two ever hook up?”

 

Tobin started to laugh again softly, unsure if she was surprised by the question or not. “No, we didn’t. I promise, it was just super casual dinner like two or three times.”

 

“Okay.” Christen nodded, easily believing her.

 

Tobin raised her eyebrows a little as she stood up, moving in front of Christen who was still perched up on the countertop.

 

“Anything else you are curious about?” She asked genuinely.

 

“Hmmm.” Christen feigned like she was in deep thought, before reaching out and pulling Tobin in so she could drape her arms around her neck. “Let me think..”

 

Tobin’s hands ended up on Christen’s thighs as she came to a standstill in between her legs, letting Christen pull her closer until their lips were almost brushing together.

 

Tobin brought her hand up to Christen’s jaw, cupping it as she pulled her the rest of the way in. Kissing her slowly and expertly. Christen returned the kiss just as well, taking Tobin’s bottom lip between hers, before she released it and slowly opened her mouth a little more, inviting Tobin’s tongue into hers.

 

Tobin was diligent to respond, kissing Christen a little deeper as their tongues met for a moment, until they both ran out of breath and pulled back slowly.

 

It was the first long kiss they had ever shared and it was better than either of them could have expected. It only spurred them both on to keep going.

 

“Can I see the rest of your house?” Christen hummed against Tobin’s lips then, before pressing another quick kiss to them.

 

“Of course you can.” Tobin nodded before she smirked. “Any rooms, in particular, you're interested in?”

 

Christen giggled with a small shrug, knowing what Tobin was implying. She wanted to drag out the torture of the situation a little more for Tobin, but she was suddenly thinking of only one thing in particular. She took another breath to slow down once again.

 

“How about all of them?” She suggested. “Ending with whichever one is your favorite.”

 

Tobin bit her bottom lip and nodded slowly, stepping back from in between Christen’s legs and grabbing both of her hands to pull her down off the island.

 

“I’ll give you the quick tour.” She smiled, turning around and holding Christen’s hand again as they started to walk through the house.

 

Tobin led them through the kitchen and then through the living room, which was all visible to Christen at once with the open floor plan. There was a hallway on the other side of the living room as they passed up the front door.

 

Tobin flicked the hallway light on and pointed to the first door on the right side of the hallway. “This is Peyton’s room.”

 

The door was closed and Christen didn’t need to see it now, knowing she would get to at some point if they kept spending time together. She just nodded and kept following Tobin further down the hallway.

 

“This is a bathroom.” Tobin said next, when they got to the second door, right next to Peyton’s bedroom.

 

“And this last little room here is where we keep all of our surfing stuff.” She flicked the light on quickly where the open door was and Christen peaked in.

 

There were a few wetsuits hanging on a rack, along with several surfboards leaned up against the walls or laying on the floor. And some other equipment that Christen had no idea about. She smiled when she saw the child size wetsuit hanging next to a few larger ones.

 

“Peyton the surf pro, huh?” She turned to look back at Tobin. “I love how cute she looked in her little wetsuit that day I saw you guys at the beach in town.”

 

Tobin grinned. “Yeah, she’s really into it already. I kinda have to hold her back sometimes cause she’s so little yet. She can’t always do as much as she wants to and sometimes she gets a little mad at me for it.”

 

Tobin was laughing softly, thinking of the little girl again. “She’s such a fearless kid and she can get kind of bossy.”

 

“Huh..” Christen thought on it for a moment.

 

She honestly wanted to ask Tobin about Peyton wanting to be a surfer after her mom’s accident, but she didn’t think it was the best time bring up any sad memories.

 

“Well, at least she’s got the best surfer on the island as her permanent teacher.”

 

“I’m hardly the best, but I guess I’m good enough.” Tobin murmured as she flicked the light switch back off.

 

Christen reached down and grabbed Tobin’s hand that she was already holding with her other one too, so she had a firm grip with both of her hands now, pulling Tobin closer.

 

“And what about your room?” She whispered into Tobin’s ear softly.

 

“That.. would be this way.” Tobin smiled, waiting for Christen to lean back again so she could kiss her lips another time.

 

They both grinned as they pulled away and then Tobin led them back down the hallway, through the living room, and past the kitchen again, to where there was a short hallway on the other side of the house.

 

“Laundry room.” Tobin pointed to the door on the right.

 

“And this...” Tobin twisted her door handle and pushed the door open with her foot. “Is my room.”

 

Christen smiled as soon as she processed the bedroom with her eyes. It was just _so_ Tobin. Even from what admittedly little she knew about her yet.

 

There was a big bed along the right side, pushed up against the wall underneath a window, with a fluffy white down comforter neatly made on top of the mattress. A wooden dresser and an open hanging rack clothes next to it on the left-hand side of the room.

 

There was no ceiling, just open rafters until it peaked to the roof, with a couple more surfboards laid across the beams, high up and out of the way.

 

And along the back end of the room were two sliding doors that were open, partially hiding a small bathroom and sink area.  

 

It was all reclaimed wood and natural colors and just so fitting.

 

“It’s so unique.” Christen smiled genuinely, stepping into the room a little further. “I like it.”

 

“Yeah?” Tobin mused from just behind her, watching as Christen made her way farther in.

 

“Yeah.” Christen seconded her response.

 

“A friend of mine basically built it all. When we moved in, this room wasn’t here, but I wanted more space and Peyton needed her own area, so we added this on a couple years ago.” Tobin explained.

 

“It’s very you.” Christen smiled.

 

“Is that a good thing?” Tobin wondered in return.

 

“It’s a really good thing. It’s very cool.” Christen nodded, turning to face Tobin from the foot of the bed, as the brunette slowly approached her. “You’re so _cool_.”

 

That made Tobin laugh and roll her eyes playfully. “Cool, huh?”

 

Tobin stopped right in front of Christen, holding a big smile as she grabbed her hips again lightly.

 

“Yeah, cool.” Christen grinned. “I could never pull off something like this, but you can. You’re Tobin Heath, the hot surfer with the laid back vibes and chill personality.”

 

Christen brought her arms up and rested them on Tobin’s shoulders again, stepping into her and letting Tobin pull their bodies closer.

 

“And I guess I have a thing for hot surfers.” Christen finally whispered, looking Tobin dead in the eyes.

 

Christen didn’t wait for Tobin to speak again, she just leaned in and kissed her instead. Their lips moving together slowly, but more surely as the seconds went on. Like they were finally learning what each other liked and how to move together properly.

 

Christen slid her tongue into Tobin’s mouth unhurriedly, tasting the last traces of whiskey that were still on her tongue. It made her insides buzz again like the alcohol was flowing right into her own bloodstream.

 

Tobin must have been feeling the same way, letting a soft moan escape from her throat as Christen’s tongue made another lazy swipe into her mouth, as her hands gripped Christen’s hips a little firmer.  

 

The sound made both of them pull back, panting a little at the sudden rush of it all.

 

Christen was stroking a soft pattern with the pad of her thumb on Tobin’s neck as they both steadied themselves before continuing.  

 

Tobin ran her hands down Christen’s arms to the hem of her shirt, stopping then and looking up at Christen’s face again.

 

“Can I?” She asked softly.

 

Christen smiled with one firm nod of her head before Tobin was lifting the bottom of Christen’s shirt up, sliding it over her head as Christen lifted her arms.

 

Before she knew it, she was suddenly standing in front of Tobin in just her black lace bra and shorts.

 

Tobin let her eyes roam down Christen’s chest and torso, as she dropped the shirt to the ground. She then reached for the bottom of her own tank top and pulled it up over her head quickly, leveling the playing field between them.

 

They had seen each other in their bikinis the other day at the beach, but this was so much more intimate. Tobin licked her lips instinctually as soon as her own shirt was on the ground.

 

“You are insanely beautiful.” Tobin husked out, reaching out for Christen again.

 

The sincerity in Tobin’s voice gave Christen a little more confidence and helped settle her nerves for a moment as Christen reached out for the button on Tobin’s shorts. She looked up once her fingers were on the clasp, silently asking Tobin for permission.

 

Tobin swallowed thickly and nodded, watching as Christen undid the button and slowly zipped the short zipper down. She then reached out for the belt loops on Tobin’s waistband and gently tugged her shorts down, until they were sliding down over her butt and falling to the ground.

 

Christen let out a breath as her eyes roamed down Tobin’s body again, taking in the sight of all her tanned skin and the small gray Calvin Klein underwear that were covering her, perfectly matching her gray Calvin Klein bra.

 

Her body looked like it could be used as the model of an ancient Olympic statue, the way her firm muscles were perfectly sculpted underneath her smooth skin, easily visible to Christen’s eyes everywhere she looked.

 

Christen bit her lip to keep herself from audibly moaning at the sight of her. Instead, she just reached out and lightly traced Tobin’s abs with a fingertip, until Tobin squirmed slightly from the tickling sensation.

 

Tobin gently grabbed Christen’s hand that had just been on her and brought it up to her lips, kissing her knuckles for just a moment. “I’m kinda ticklish.”

 

They both laughed quietly as Tobin let go of Christen’s hand, reaching for her shorts in return. She slowly undid the button on Christen’s shorts and pulled them down as well, relieving Christen’s lacy black underwear, finding just barely enough fabric to cover her shapely backside.

 

“Fuck.” Tobin hummed in admiration “Your body is.. wow.”

 

She shook her head at the lack of words that were forming. Like her brain was short circuiting as she looked Christen over.  

 

“Yeah right, look at yours.” Christen gently protested, giving it right back to Tobin.

 

They both laughed appreciatively together before Tobin’s hand’s found Christen’s ribs. “I think we’re both doing just fine..” She conceded.

 

She leaned in to kiss Christen another time, taking a couple steps forward and gently pushing into Christen, until the back of her knees were hitting the edge of the bed. Christen kept up easily, sitting down and moving back towards the pillows as Tobin crawled on top of her.

 

It was like they had done this a hundred times already, easily holding their kiss as they moved up to the pillows together, kissing each other fervently.

 

Tobin pushed her tongue into Christen’s mouth slowly, and this time, Christen wasn’t able to stifle her moan. Letting a low sound flow out of her throat at the pleasure of it all. As soon as Tobin registered the sound, she broke the kiss and made eye contact with Christen again, checking in to make sure she wasn’t pushing things too far.

 

“You’re a really good kisser.” Christen whispered, lifting her hand from the bed and finding the back of Tobin’s neck, holding her face close.

 

She could feel her insides ramping up with nerves again, with how compromising the position they were now in was. She was trying to focus on Tobin’s eyes and stay present in the moment.

 

“You are too.” Tobin husked out. “So good.”

 

They held eye contact as Christen settled her head on Tobin’s pillow, while Tobin held herself up on her hands and knees over top of the dark haired woman.

 

Tobin leaned back down to connect their lips again and Christen smiled, adjusting her head into the fluffy pillow a little more. Before she could return the kiss, her grin was too wide for Tobin not to notice.

 

“What?” Tobin whispered, wanting to know what was suddenly so entertaining to Christen.

 

“Your bed is so comfy.” Christen laughed quietly.

 

Tobin smiled with a nod waiting for Christen to settle again so she could resume her work.

 

Christen lifted her head a little and caught Tobin’s lips with hers, bringing her back down again. Their lips moved together for a moment longer before Christen was whispering into Tobin’s lips again.

 

“Seriously, this pillow is amazing.” She murmured softly.

 

Tobin pulled back enough to agree. “Yeah, I got it for free from one of my sponsors. They’re very nice.”

 

“Really? You get free stuff?” Christen wondered in return, still speaking against Tobin’s lips.

 

Tobin let out a shaky breath and nodded, looking at Christen a little more eagerly.

 

She could already feel the wetness pooling between her legs as she held herself up over the gorgeous woman, so turned on by their position and quickly wanting more.

 

Christen recognized the desire in Tobin’s eyes, not wanting to torture her too much.

 

“Sorry..." She grinned sensually. "Continue.”

 

Tobin smiled as she leaned down again, biting on Christen’s lower lip gently and giving it a tug with her teeth before she released it and went back in for more. Christen opened her mouth and welcomed Tobin’s tongue in lazily, kissing her for another moment before her mind got curious again.

 

“What other free stuff have you gotten?” Christen murmured then, breaking the kiss to talk again.

 

Tobin pulled back, running her tongue over her lips to taste the last remnants of Christen’s lip gloss on them.

 

“Ah.. lots of stuff.” Tobin shrugged, forcing herself to be patient. “I’m pretty spoiled, actually.”

 

Christen still had her hand on the back of Tobin’s neck, holding her face close and not wanting her to pull away, but she was also clearly wanting to slow down a bit.

 

She was nervous and when she gets nervous she has a habit of talking. Even if she wasn’t recognizing in the moment that that’s what she was doing.

 

It was easy for Tobin to recognize though. She could sense the hesitancy written on Christen’s face. Like she was trying to be confident enough to power through and just go for it with Tobin, while also being mindful about what that would mean for them.

 

Tobin wasn’t sure she was ready yet and she was more than willing to go at Christen’s pace, soothing her with easy conversation, even if it was a little torturous.

 

“What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever gotten for free?” Christen wondered at Tobin’s response.

 

Tobin leaned down and pecked Christen’s lips again before she answered. “Um, I don't know? Maybe one of those hoverboard things, they’re pretty fun, I guess.”

 

Christen’s eyes lit up as soon as Tobin said it. “You have one of those?”

 

Tobin released a long breath and nodded, smiling at Christen’s almost childish delight all of the sudden even as she was still on top of her.

 

“Can I try it?” Christen asked then.

 

“Right now?” Tobin questioned softly.

 

She wasn’t annoyed at all, just amused. They were in their undergarments in the middle of a steamy makeout session that Tobin had been thinking was going to lead to more just a minute ago.

 

Christen smiled a perfect smile as she nodded her head yes, and Tobin would have never been able to say no to it. Instead, the brown eyed woman just took a deep breath and fell against the mattress next to Christen, looking over at her for a moment with a forgiving smile.

 

“Where is it?” Christen hummed softly.

 

“I’m not sure, probably in Peyton’s room.” Tobin guessed. “She rides it a lot. Falls off it sometimes.”

 

That made both of them laugh as Tobin sat up. “Let’s go find it.”

 

Christen squealed in excitement and climbed off the bed after Tobin, both of them walking out of her bedroom and through the house, still in just their bra and underwear.

 

They found the hoverboard in Peyton’s room and with a few short demonstrations by Tobin, Christen felt like she understood the concept enough to give it a try.

 

She hesitantly rode it around the kitchen, holding Tobin’s hand to keep steady, before she was brave enough to give it a go by herself.

 

Tobin was laughing the whole time, watching as Christen’s curly dark hair fluttered behind her as she zoomed around the dining room table and into the living room on her own.

 

“Your house is perfect for this with all the hardwood floors.” Christen beamed, rolling to a stop right in front of Tobin and placing her hands on her shoulders. “Thanks for appeasing my curiosity. It’s just as fun as I thought it would be.”

 

"Anytime." Tobin smiled happily at her, finding Christen’s hips with her hands. "We like to have fun in this house.”

 

That made Christen smile even wider. “You’re pretty nice ya know that?”

 

Tobin shrugged easily in response.

 

“Wanna go back to bed?” Christen suggested then, spinning on the hoverboard and riding it away as Tobin laughed again.

 

“I’m following you.” Tobin shook her head behind Christen, sighing deeply to herself. Realizing right then and there that she was already a goner.

 

This woman and all of her perfect charm would be the end of her.

 

Tobin reached the bedroom just as Christen was doing a few more spins on the hoverboard, settling into bed and leaning against the pillows to watch her.

 

“Oh!” Christen stopped and looked up at Tobin for a moment before she turned around again and rode the hoverboard back out of the room. Thirty seconds later she was riding it back in, with Tobin’s whiskey and her half-melted vodka soda in each hand.

 

Tobin chuckled again. “Wow, best drink delivery I’ve ever had.”

 

Christen grinned with her tongue between her teeth, finally stepping off the hoverboard and walking towards the bed. She handed Tobin’s drink over to her and then set hers on the nightstand next to the bed.

 

Christen climbed back onto the mattress and then moved to straddle Tobin, sitting her weight down on Tobin’s hips, before reaching for her drink again.

 

“Hi there.” Tobin smiled as Christen took a sip of her beverage, holding eye contact teasingly and letting her hands run up and down Christen's thighs. 

 

Christen licked the lime flavor from her lips and smiled down at Tobin in return. “Hi.”

 

Tobin let her eyes roam over Christen’s body on top of her another time, slowly taking in every inch of skin before her free hand found Christen’s side. She was rubbing soft patterns back in forth on Christen’s skin as they looked at each other.

 

“You’re so sexy.” Tobin finally husked out.

 

“So are you.” Christen returned with a smirk before she set her drink back down on the nightstand.

 

Christen leaned down and pecked Tobin’s lips for a moment, before she settled her head on her chest, breathing in the scent of Tobin soft skin on her neck.

 

Tobin reached over and set her drink down too before she started to rub Christen’s back softly.

 

“Sorry I interrupted our mood, I got a little excited.” Christen finally hummed, lifting her head so she was face to face with Tobin again.

 

“Don't be sorry.” Tobin shrugged. “I think it would be a good idea to wait until we’re both ready anyway.”

 

Christen let out a breath and smiled, leaning in to speak against Tobin’s lips again. “Thank you.”

 

She was so grateful for Tobin’s easygoing demeanor and the fact that she’d never try and push it.

 

Tobin kissed her lips and then the tip of her nose, not bothering to say anything else. Both of them understanding their positions on the subject effortlessly. They’d have plenty of time to have sex when the time was right.

 

Tobin let out a small yawn and then looked over at the clock on the nightstand, realizing how late it was all the sudden. Her eyelids were getting heavier by the second as she and Christen laid there cuddling together and before she knew it she was basically asleep underneath the dark haired woman.

 

After several minutes of silence and Christen replaying her thoughts over and over in her mind, she lifted her head to find Tobin with her eyes closed. She looked so cute and soft in her state of sleep that Christen didn’t want to wake her again.

 

Instead, she just crawled off her gently and padded to the door, closing it and shutting off the light, before she made her way back to the bed, snuggling into Tobin again. Christen rested her head back on Tobin’s chest and let her eyes close, barely even registering the softest of kisses to her forehead, before they were both asleep for the rest of the night.

 

When Christen opened her eyes the next morning, she found the bed empty next to her. She laid there a moment, collecting her thoughts and letting her memories of the night before come back to her. She remembered rolling over off of Tobin and onto her side in the middle of the night, only to have Tobin roll over and spoon her perfectly just as quickly, as both of them barely registered consciousness.

 

It was easy for her to tell now why she felt so rested.

 

Sleeping next to Tobin, in Tobin’s arms, was the best night of sleep she’d had in months. Not to mention the added bonus of the nice mattress and fancy pillows.

 

She kind of felt like a million bucks.

 

Christen sat up and ran a hand through her hair, noticing a folded t-shirt and an unopened toothbrush sitting on the end of the bed, presumably for her. She smiled to herself at how amazing and thoughtful Tobin was before she scooted out of bed and grabbed the items, heading for the small bathroom in Tobin’s room.

 

She threw her hair up in a bun on top of her head and washed her face and brushed her teeth before she made her way out of Tobin’s room in her t-shirt and underwear.

 

She found Tobin dancing around lightly as she sang along to Beast of Burden by the Rolling Stones, cutting away at some veggies on a cutting board, with her back to Christen.

 

Christen stopped and leaned against the wall, watching the carefree brunette do her thing for a minute. Tobin was singing along with the words softly, bobbing her head at the same time.

 

_I'll never be your beast of burden_

_So let's go home and draw the curtains_

_Music on the radio_

_Come on baby make sweet love to me_

 

Tobin spun on her heel to head to the stove, looking up and realizing Christen was standing there watching her. She gave her a genuine smile, not embarrassed or alarmed in the slightest when she noticed the dark haired woman.

 

“Morning.” Tobin winked, talking a little louder over the music.

 

“Good morning.” Christen smiled back. She pushed herself up from where she was leaning against the wall and started to walk towards Tobin.

 

Tobin dropped the diced veggies into a saute pan and wiped her hands on a towel quickly as Christen approached before she was taking the woman into her arms, pulling her into a hug and spinning them around in a slow rhythm, not quite keeping up with the beat of the music.

 

It caught Christen off guard for just a moment, before she was wrapping her arms around Tobin’s waist and swaying with her. Tobin turned her head and placed a kiss to Christen’s temple, before Christen lifted her head too, until their lips were meeting, soft and quick; like a good morning kiss they’d shared many times before, only it was the first time.

 

Oh, how easy it all felt.

 

The song came to an end and Tobin released her hold on Christen, turning down the music and walking back to the stovetop where the pan was sitting.

 

“Do you like omelets?” Tobin wondered as she stirred the veggies quickly.

 

“I love them.” Christen nodded, coming to stand next to Tobin and looking into the pan herself.

 

“Perfect, cause I’m making them for us.” Tobin smiled excitedly.

 

Christen grinned as she made her way around to the other side of the island, pulling out a stool and sitting down to watch Tobin work.

 

“So, bad news..” Tobin turned around to face her again. “I am unfortunately out of coffee.”

 

 _“What!”_ Christen feigned concern.

 

“I know, I feel like a total failure. I didn't remember it when I was at the store yesterday.” Tobin gave her a side smile. “Which sucks, cause I know how addicted you are.”

 

“Well, I think I know of somewhere that I can get some for you..” Christen teased back. “I’ll make sure to hook you up this week.”

 

“Really?” Tobin kept the banter going. “If you know of a place, that’d be amazing.”  

 

“Of course. That way next time I sleep over, you won’t have to worry about not appeasing my caffeine fix.” Christen winked.

 

“Next time you sleep over..” Tobin wiggled her eyebrows. “I hope I’m lucky enough to get a next time.”

 

“As long as the omelets are good, you have a good shot.” Christen laughed. “Cause I don’t know if I told you, but your bed is amazing.”

 

Tobin laughed remembering the night before as she spun back around and flipped the omelet in the pan. A minute later she plated it and walked around to where Christen was sitting.

 

“One veggie omelet for the pretty girl who's looking good in my shirt..” She mused as she set the plate down on the counter.

 

“Thank you.” Christen beamed, looking from the plate up at Tobin next to her.

 

They held eye contact for a moment before Christen puckered her lips, asking for another kiss.

 

Tobin felt the butterflies in her stomach as she leaned down and gave Christen a quick kiss before she was back to the stove to make an omelet for herself.

 

“So did you sleep well?” Tobin wondered as soon as she took her first bite of breakfast, sitting right next to Christen at the island.

 

“I honestly don’t think I’ve slept that well in months.” Christen nodded. “You’re kinda wonderful to sleep next to.”

 

Tobin smiled and looked over at Christen. “You are too. That was nice.”

 

Christen reached out and rubbed Tobin’s back for a moment, watching as she finished her food, until they were both done eating.

 

“So, I’ve got some errands to run this morning before I pick PJ up.” Tobin thought out loud. “I was wondering if you wanted to come with me? I could show you a few of my favorite places and we could spend the day together and then I can bring you back to your car after we get Peyton..”

 

Tobin didn’t wait for Christen to answer her, quickly offering another option, just in case.

 

“Or I can bring you up there now... Whatever is easiest for you.”

 

“No.” Christen shook her head softly. “I’d love to hang out today. I’m in no rush to get home.”

 

“Cool.” Tobin grinned. “I’m sure Peyton will be excited to see you too.”

 

Christen nodded with a grin.

 

“And don’t worry, we’ll stop and get coffee as our first order of business.” Tobin promised.

 

They cleaned up the kitchen for a few minutes before Christen stepped out onto the back patio, looking at the ocean view that Tobin was lucky enough to have as her backyard. Tobin joined her after she had the pans put away and the countertops wiped down.

 

“Your house..” Christen started, shaking her head. “I can’t get over how awesome it is.”

 

“I’m pretty lucky.” Tobin agreed. “It’s nice to be a few hundred yards from the water. Although the surfing isn’t the best from this spot, so we usually drive down to the beach anyway.”

 

“But you can swim from here, right?” Christen wondered.

 

“Yep, we do sometimes.”

 

Christen turned to the side to look down the coast, as far as she could see from Tobin’s patio before her eyes caught what she instantly decided was her favorite part of the house.

 

“Wait, you have an outdoor shower!” She pointed to the showerhead in the corner of the patio.

 

Tobin started to laugh. “Yeah, put that in when we added my room on. It comes in handy when we come up from the water, so we don’t track all the sand and stuff inside.”

 

“Okay, I told you to show me the best parts last night. You skipped this one.” Christen swatted at her arm playfully.

 

“I kind of forgot about it I guess..” Tobin shrugged with a smile. “My bad.”

 

Christen bit her bottom lip before she looked over at Tobin again. “Do you shower naked out here?”

 

There weren’t any houses in direct eye line of the back patio, but the rocky beach was clearly visible in the distance and people could walk by down below if they needed to.

 

“We can if you want to..” Tobin smirked coolly, not totally answering Christen’s question.

 

Christen laughed and took a step towards Tobin. “I mean, I’m probably going to hold you to that eventually. Probably when it’s dark out though..”

 

Tobin took her own step closer. “I will be looking forward to that.”

 

The sexual tension from the night before was back in full swing as Christen placed both of her hands on Tobin’s cheeks, kissing her sweetly before she made any bigger rash decisions.

 

“God, you’re so hot.” She hummed when she pulled back.

 

Tobin just started to laugh and kissed Christen's forehead again. “You better go put some pants on so we can go before I don’t let us.”

 

Christen swallowed and considered just pulling Tobin back to bed, before she let out a breath and nodded, keeping her head on right for the time being.

 

“I’ll be ready in ten.”

 

When they left Tobin’s house they made their way to a coffee shop for a quick fix, finding a small couch area to relax for a bit while they sipped on their drinks. Christen explained Julie’s reaction to their whole situation the day before as they talked; before she took a picture of Tobin and sent it to Julie with a winking emoji, letting her draw her own conclusions as to what that meant.

 

She couldn’t wait to tell her best friend about the night and morning her and Tobin had after Julie and Zach left, but it would have to be a couple days from now, when the two were back on the mainland and within cell service range again.

 

When they finished their coffee, Tobin drove them around to a few local spots, showing Christen different views of the ocean from her favorite points in town. They only had to make a couple stops for actual errands, once at a surf shop to pick up some new fins and wax for Tobin and once at the bike shop, where Tobin was having Peyton’s bike tuned up.

 

It was early afternoon when Tobin’s phone rang, letting her know the campers had just made it back to Kauai. They drove over to the elementary school and waited for the bus to arrive, making sure to get there early so Peyton wouldn’t have to wait on them.

 

As soon as Peyton stepped off the bus and saw who was in the passenger seat of Tobin’s truck, she was sprinting full speed over to them, forgetting to even collect her things in her excitement.

 

“Christen!” The little girl shouted happily as she waved her little arm while she ran. “You’re picking me up too!?”

 

Christen opened her door at the same time Tobin did, sliding out of the passenger seat to say hi.

 

“Hey, cutie! How was camp?”

 

Peyton was beaming as she came to a stop in front of Christen as she ignored her question and gave her a hug instead. Christen hugged her back and looked up at Tobin who was standing over them, both of them smiling at each other at Peyton’s affection.

 

When the little girl released her arms from around Christen’s neck, she turned to Tobin finally.

 

“Hey, Squirt!” Tobin smiled, bending down to hug Peyton, picking her up as she did.

 

“Hello.” She smiled almost shyly as Christen watched them, hanging on tightly with her arms around Tobin’s neck.

 

“Did you miss me?” Tobin wondered in a teasing tone.

 

“A little.” Peyton answered her in only the way a child would. So honest and unconcerned.

 

“Just a little?” Tobin pretended to be offended. “I missed you, like, the most ever! What’d you do, grow five inches in one week?”

 

Tobin was tickling her side, making the child laugh. “Look how big you’re getting, I can barely pick you up anymore.”

 

“Nooo.” Peyton was laughing, squirming to get out of Tobin’s hold. _“_ I’m still kinda small.”

 

“Alright, I believe you.” Tobin winked at her, setting her down and then bending down so she was eye level with the little girl. “We have to drive Christen to her car but you can tell us all about your week on the way there, okay? We can’t wait to hear about it.”

 

“Okay.” Peyton’s eyes lit up as she turned to Christen. “Wanna sit in the back with me?”

 

Christen’s heart softened at how innocent and joyful Peyton was, nodding quickly. “Sure, I’d love to.”

 

“Okay!” Peyton spun around, opening the door quickly and climbing up into the back seat.

 

Tobin smiled at Christen, taking a step towards her and giving her hand an affectionate squeeze. “Thank you. I just have to grab her stuff quick.”

 

Peyton talked a million miles an hour as they drove up to the north side of the island where Christen had left her car the night before. She told them how cool surfing was and that she was the best one, even though she was one of the youngest kids. She talked about camping in a tent on the beach and her new friend Emily, who was  _so cool._ The two adults barely got a word in, not that either of them minded one bit.

 

Twenty minutes later, Tobin was pulling into the parking spot next to Christen’s car. She hopped out and opened the passenger side door so Christen could climb out of the backseat, as Peyton and Christen were saying goodbye.

 

“Can you come over soon?” Peyton questioned hopefully before Christen got out. “I can show you my room and we can play with my new ocean tray and I can show you the sea turtles!”

 

Christen laughed as she ran her hand over Peyton’s hair. “I would really like that. I’ll ask Tobin and we can plan something really soon, okay?”

 

“Yes!” Peyton yelled out. She went back to looking at her new book about the ocean as Christen slid out of the truck.

 

“See you later, munchkin.” Christen waved before she shut the passenger side door.

 

Tobin was standing there with her sunglasses in her hand, waiting to walk Christen to her car. She wanted to sneak one last moment alone with her, without Peyton watching them.

 

They were being a little coy with each other again, not wanting to be obvious in front of the child, but clearly wanting to say goodbye to each other properly after the night and morning they’d shared.

 

Christen reached out and grabbed Tobin’s hand, swinging it back and forth lightly between them.

 

“You’re pretty great, Tobin Heath.” She said cutely as they came to a stop next to Christen’s car.

 

“So are you.” Tobin smiled. “I had the best time with you. I wish it wasn’t ending already.”

 

“Me either.” Christen nodded, stepping into Tobin a little more.

 

“Can we see you again this week?” Tobin questioned as she wrapped her arm around Christen’s waist. “The three of us can do dinner or something?”

 

“Yeah, let’s make something work.” Christen agreed quickly.

 

“Okay, good.” Tobin mused. “Because now that I know what it’s like to _really_ kiss you, I’m afraid I won’t be able to go very long without it.”

 

“I feel oddly similar.” Christen laughed softly, tilting her head just enough to graze Tobin’s lips with her own.

 

Tobin pulled Christen in the rest of the way, giving her a few quick kisses before she slowly let her go.

 

“Call me later.” Tobin instructed like it wasn’t a request. Already dying to talk to Christen again.

 

“I will.” Christen nodded. “See you..”

 

Tobin leaned back in again and kissed her one last time before she was taking a deep breath and heading back to her truck.

 

“Bye, Christen..”


	8. In The Wind.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are the purest soul I've ever known in my life 
> 
>  
> 
> .

Christen stood at her kitchen sink, peering out of the window behind it into her small backyard as she held an almost empty mug of coffee in her hands. Finishing off the remainder of the liquid before she could rinse it out and put it in the dishwasher.

 

She was watching as two tiny birds fluttered into each other over and over in the backyard, like they were playing or fighting or something. They were bright red, almost like Cardinals, only much smaller with long pointed beaks. She had never seen them before and they looked so exotic that she couldn’t stop watching them, until they gave up and flew out of view completely.

 

She was up early on this Friday morning, but she wasn’t in a rush to get to work. In fact, she had taken the day off altogether. She’d spent Thursday night packing and repacking a new hiking backpack that she’d ordered off of Amazon, trying to fit as much into it as possible while still making it light enough to carry for a few miles down a narrow and uneven path. Now it was stuffed completely full and sitting next to the front door, waiting to be used all weekend long.

 

Just as Christen swallowed the last sip of her mostly cold coffee, she heard the soft rumble of a familiar truck pulling into her driveway; a sound she could pick out easily now. She smiled to herself at the rush of butterflies she got when she heard it, putting the mug into the dishwasher quickly before heading to the front door to greet her arriving guests.

 

By the time she had the door open and was looking through the screen door, Peyton and Kelley were already standing in the driveway talking animatedly, while Tobin was sliding out from the driver's seat in the midst of a yawn.

 

Christen pushed the screen door open and stepped out onto the porch, giving them all a big smile.

 

“Morning.” She waved to get their attention.

 

“Hey, Chris!” Kelley returned cheerfully from just in front of Tobin’s truck.

 

“Christen!” Peyton yelled as soon as she saw her, reaching for Kelley and quickly tugging on her arm, walking them both closer to the house. “Can Auntie Kelley see your cat? I already told her about him and she wants to meet him.”

 

Christen paused, looking around the porch and the yard for wherever Gus may be lying.

 

The last time she had seen the cat was last night when she got home from work and she wasn’t exactly sure where he was now.

 

“Ah, I haven’t seen him yet today.” Christen answered her. “He likes to hide sometimes.”

 

Kelley shot her a smile as she followed along willingly with Peyton. They had clearly been talking about the cat on the way over and the child was very excited about it.

 

“Maybe check the backyard?” Christen suggested then to the both of them.

 

Tobin was already around to the back end of her truck, making more room where a lot of things were already packed. Christen could see Mana in the backseat with her head against the window, not even bothering to get out during this quick stop. Christen guessed she was probably wishing she was still in bed.

 

The four adults and Peyton were heading up to the NāPali Coast for the long weekend, to hike the Kalalau Trail and camp along the shore for a couple nights. It was an annual thing the group of friends did to mark the end of summer and, of course, Christen was asked to tag along this year.

 

Mana and Tobin practically argued over who got to be the one to invite her.

 

It was also Peyton’s first year getting to go, now that she was a little older and had just learned how to camp properly. Christen was slightly nervous but hoped she could at least keep up with the seven year old, knowing she didn’t have much in the way of experience when it came to camping or backpacking.

 

Tobin assured her that she’d take care of everything and that as long as she could hike a trail for a couple miles, she’d be just fine.

 

They were leaving early this morning to get a good jump on it, knowing the hike would take them quite a while with how slow Peyton would need to go; wanting to be able to have camp set up before dinnertime.

 

Peyton led Kelley around the side of the house and out of sight, before Tobin walked back around her truck, heading straight towards Christen on the porch.

 

“Hi there.” She acknowledged with a smile directed right at the dark haired woman.

 

“Hey, you.” Christen hummed, unable to keep the smile on her own face from growing as Tobin approached.

 

“You about ready to head out?” Tobin questioned as she popped up the porch stairs.

 

“Yep.” Christen confirmed, waiting as Tobin came to a stop in front of her.  “I’m just gonna use the bathroom quick and I’m all set.”

 

“Cool, I’ll grab your stuff and get it loaded up.” Tobin responded, following Christen into the house.

 

“So I just have that big backpack.” Christen pointed to where her stuff was sitting. “Is that okay?”

 

She had already asked this question to Tobin twice over text but wanted to make sure again just to be safe. She didn’t want to be unprepared or lagging behind at all.

 

“That’s perfect.” Tobin looked over the hiking pack and nodded. “We’ve got everything else you’ll need covered.”

 

Now that they were inside and out of sight, Tobin reached for Christen’s hand and pulled her a little closer.

 

“Morning..” She greeted again, wrapping her arm loosely around Christen’s shoulders.

 

“Morning.” Christen smiled, lifting her face enough as Tobin leaned in.

 

Tobin placed a soft kiss to Christen’s lips and they both smiled before kissing again, just for a moment.

 

They hadn’t talked about how they were going to behave in front of others and they definitely wouldn’t be labeled by anyone as anything other than friends, but Christen wasn’t going to stop Tobin from sneaking a quick kiss or two whenever she could.

 

The unknown and slightly secretive way they did it almost made it more thrilling for her. There was a fine line that they were walking and it was getting blurrier by the day. Not that either of them minded too much, they were just going with the flow.

 

Christen had gone to Tobin’s for dinner on Wednesday night this past week and they ended up making out against Christen’s car after Peyton had gone to bed, but they were nothing more than friendly with each other when the child was around. They both secretly wondered to themselves how long that would be able to last.

 

They heard two sets of footsteps on the porch outside as Tobin let go of Christen unhurriedly, stepping back from each other just enough to not be suspicious.

 

“We found him!” Peyton grinned as she held Gus in her arms, lifting him a little higher as she stepped into the house as Kelley was holding the screen door open for her. “He was under the porch.”

 

“PJ, I don’t think Christen wants him in here.” Tobin mentioned softly. “He’s an outdoor cat and he’s kinda dirty.”

 

“Oh, that’s okay.” Christen waved her off, letting the kid do as she pleased.

 

In the past, Christen may have actually cared about that sort of thing, but seeing a kid excited to be holding a dirty cat was good enough for her not to mind anymore. It was all part of her journey to happiness.

 

Peyton smiled victoriously as Tobin gave her a pointed look, not bothering to argue when it didn’t matter that much.  

 

“He’s not actually your cat, is he?” Kelley wondered as she looked over at Gus again.

 

“He’s the resident pet.” Christen shrugged. “He lived here before I did and now that I’m feeding him, he’ll probably never leave. I guess I kind of like having him around though.”

 

They all laughed a little as Tobin bent down to pick up Christen’s backpack, getting a little antsy to get on the road without trying to be too insistent.

 

“We should get going when you’re ready.” She looked back at Christen. “Mana might kill us if we leave her in the car any longer.”

 

“Yep, sounds good. I’ll be out in one minute.” Christen nodded in response, heading for the bathroom quickly.

 

“Awesome.” Tobin ushered Peyton and Gus outside with her hands on the child’s shoulders as Kelley followed them back out the screen door.

 

When Christen had her house locked up and had made her way down the sidewalk to the truck, she found Mana now in the front seat, with Kelley sitting behind Tobin and Peyton in the middle of the backseat.

 

“Hey there, sleepy head.” Christen smiled questioningly as she greeted Mana. “They kick you out of the back or what?”

 

“Peyton wanted to sit by you and Kel.” Mana grinned back with her sunglasses over her eyes, even though it wasn’t that bright out yet.

 

She climbed out of the truck and slid the seat up so Christen could crawl into the back; the dark haired woman locking eyes with Tobin as she did. Tobin gave her a thankful grin and waited for her to settle in, as Mana got back in and shut the door.

 

“Are we ready, crew?” Tobin asked as she started her truck again.

 

“Ready!” Peyton yelled out cheerfully.

 

The child then reached her hand out, moving to grab Christen’s hand to hold, smiling in excitement as she did.

 

Tobin turned around to back out of the driveway, noticing Peyton holding Christen’s hand and giving Christen a wink before she pressed on the gas and got them on their way.

 

The group drove for an hour and a half before they were pulling into the trailhead parking lot up on the northernmost side of the island. There were only a few other cars already parked in the lot, which Tobin was thrilled about right away. That typically meant the trail wouldn’t be very busy and would make it easier for their group to navigate at a slow and steady pace.

 

The plan was to hike in just under two miles in the morning, before stopping at Hanakapi'ai Falls for lunch and a nice cooldown, and then finishing the last mile in the afternoon to get to their campsite.

 

The trail was secluded and it was one of those local hidden gems that only people who lived on the island knew about. They also didn’t have to worry about finding a campsite, since they had to buy a permit well in advance to be able to stay overnight, basically as a reservation. That would give them as much time as they needed this morning.

 

The trail itself wasn’t overly strenuous. It was wide enough that Peyton could stay to the inside of the adults most of the time, but it was right along the coast line, so they definitely needed to pay attention to where they were walking, in order to avoid any slips along the rocky drop-off.

 

The lush, dense greenery covering the mountainside was to their left and the deep blue of the Pacific Ocean was on their right-hand side the whole way, directly in view. Christen felt like she couldn’t stop looking out over the water, making herself simultaneously nervous about slipping and in constant awe of her surroundings.

 

Mana went first, carrying her large backpack, with a small camp stove strapped to the bottom of it and a small sleeping bag rolled up on the outside of the overstuffed pack.

 

Tobin and Peyton went second, walking mostly next to each other until it would get too skinny to do so and then Peyton would go ahead. Tobin had a big pack on as well, with one of the tents, a sleeping mat and another sleeping bag fastened to the outside of her pack.

 

Peyton had a mini backpack on, mostly as a way to convince her that she was doing as much work as the others were, carrying her own clothes and bathing suit by herself.

 

Christen went third, making sure to keep pace with them and doing so easily. She just had her pack and also volunteered to carry the water jug that they all kept passing back and forth as they walked.

 

All the other adults were carrying so much more than she was, so she wanted to do her part a little bit, offering several times to help carry more, even though they all just shrugged her off easily. They were used to this kind of thing and they actually enjoyed the hard work.

 

Kelley brought up the rear, carrying the other tent, some campfire cooking supplies and another sleeping bag on her pack.  

 

They were all very clearly experienced in packing well and lifting heavy things and Christen was pretty impressed.

 

It took them nearly three hours to reach Hanakapi'ai Falls since they stopped several times to rest and drink water, but Peyton kept up just fine. As soon as they made it to the waterfall, Christen knew that was worth the hard work in and of itself.

 

The falls were stunning, with the highest parts of the water cascading down from probably three hundred feet in the air. There were other, shorter falls on the rock cliffs surrounding it, with a fairly large pool of water collecting at the bottom of them. It was like the giant mountains right in front of them were pouring out constant streams of heavy water, hydrating the land as far as their eyes could see.

 

They all stopped and took their gear off, finding some large boulders to sit on as they opened up Kelley’s pack and ate lunch.

 

“Are you having fun, girly?” Mana wondered as Peyton was leaning on her, finishing the last of her Ziplock baggy of goldfish.

 

“Uh huh.” She nodded assuredly.

 

“Good! You’re doing so well!” Mana encouraged her.

 

That made Peyton proud as she smiled widely. “I’m gonna be as good as Toby soon and then we can go all over and I won’t have to stay home anymore.”

 

Mana laughed at Peyton’s thinking. “Yeah, you will. You’re already a pro.”

 

“I think next year I will be better than her.” Peyton guessed seriously, almost like she was being conservative with her estimation. “Cause then I’ll be almost nine and be really big and then I can carry the tent too.”

 

“A word of advice, Munchkin..” Kelley cut in as they were all listening to the conversation. “Make Tobin carry the tent forever. It’s kinda heavy.”

 

“Okay..” Peyton smiled at her suggestion and then everyone laughed.

 

“Here, P, drink some more water.” Tobin instructed then, handing one of the water bottles over to the child to keep her hydrated.

 

The goldfish and gushers she had just eaten were probably making her thirstier than she realized.

 

Peyton guzzled a bunch of the water out quickly, spilling half of it on her shirt and making them all laugh again before Tobin took it away so it wouldn’t be wasted.

 

When they were all done eating, Kelley stood up and took her shoes and shirt off, so she was just in her sports bra and shorts, letting her hair out of her ponytail after she did.

 

“I’m going in the water before we carry on.” She explained. “This sexy bod needs a cool down.”

 

“I wish you weren’t so modest..” Mana teased as she got up as well. “But I will join you.”

 

“Can I come with?” Peyton asked as she started to take her shoes off too, barely waiting for permission.

 

“Sure, but it’s super cold.” Kelley warned kindly.

 

“That’s okay.” Peyton promised. “I’m really tough.”

 

Kelley grinned at her and stuck her hand out, pulling Peyton up as the three of them headed closer to the water, wanting to jump in the deep pool of water at the bottom of the waterfall.

 

Tobin and Christen stayed sitting on the boulder for a few minutes, watching them get ready before Tobin got up and scooted closer to where Christen was at. Sitting down right next to her and checking in with the green eyed woman.

 

“Are you feeling okay so far?” She questioned as she leaned into Christen a bit. “It’s not too bad, right?”

 

“Yeah, it’s good.” Christen smiled, enjoying Tobin’s growing habit of always making sure she was happy. “It’s so beautiful and it’s not as hard as I thought it would be.”

  
“Good.” Tobin smiled.

 

She reached out and grabbed Christen’s hand that was resting on her knees, giving it a few soft shakes.

 

“Although, I keep forgetting to watch the path cause I can’t stop staring at the view.” Christen admitted. “I might fall down if I’m not careful.”

 

“The view? You mean my ass?” Tobin started to laugh. “Yeah, I guess it is kind of distracting, I don’t blame you.”

 

Christen rolled her eyes playfully and elbowed Tobin softly.

 

“I’d stare at your ass, but that gigantic backpack is blocking it...” Christen pretended to be bummed. “Too bad you’re so strong and have to carry all the gear.”

 

“Someone has got to make sure you have all the amenities..” Tobin grinned. “I couldn’t bring you on a weekend getaway and make you fend for yourself. I’m trying to get you to like me here...”

 

Christen just held eye contact with a smile of her own, watching until Tobin pushed herself forward, turning around and squatting in front of Christen.

 

“I’m gonna go in the water.” She hummed, before leaning in and placing the quickest kiss to Christen’s lips, using her body to block their view from the others. “Wanna come with me?”

 

Christen ran her tongue along her bottom lip to taste the last bit of flavor from Tobin’s kiss, watching as she stood up and lifted her shirt over her head.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be right there.” Christen finally nodded when her eyes had made their full journey down Tobin’s body.

 

Tobin started to laugh again as she walked away, calling over her shoulder back at Christen.

 

“I see you staring at my ass.”

 

Christen chuckled and pushed herself up too, following Tobin down to the water.

 

They all jumped into the pool of spring water that was indeed beyond freezing. The mountain water cooling them off instantly. Christen didn’t last long, getting out and grabbing her phone to snap a couple pictures of her friends instead of suffering through it any longer.

 

Mana dared Kelley to go under the tallest waterfall and so she did, with Peyton following along with their every move, even if it made Tobin nervous.

 

Finally, they all climbed out to dry off in the sun for a few minutes, before it was time to get back on the trail, knowing they still had to hike another mile before they’d reach their campsite.

 

The rest of the hike was a bit harder, but nothing that any of them couldn’t handle. Tobin had to carry Peyton over one small area that had flooded the previous day from heavy rain, sloshing through the muddy water until it was almost up to their knees. But other than that, the trail was clear and fairly easy going.

 

The campsite itself was a small grass area right along the rocky ledge, just big enough for both of their tents, with a small fire pit in the middle of the plot. There were only five reservable sites at this location, so it was very private; but also maintained enough that it had a small bathroom area just off in the woods and a faucet of potable water for the campers to use. Both of which made Christen a lot more relaxed. She wasn’t positive that she was ready to completely live off the land quite yet.

 

Kelley and Mana had a slightly bigger tent, so they set theirs up closer to the trees, while Tobin opted to set hers up right along the cliff, with just enough room to get in and out comfortably without risking a fall over the edge. She even positioned the door to look out over the water, knowing it’d be the perfect spot for them to watch the sun come up in the mornings if they were awake that early.

 

Kelley pointed out a narrow hiking trail that led from their campsite down the cliffs in a switchback, gradually leading to a hidden beach area at the bottom. Peyton wanted to go down it right away, but Kelley assured her that they usually would spend the day in the water on Saturday, hoping tonight they could just get a fire lit and relax around it.

 

After thinking it over for a minute and listening to Christen agree with Kelley, Peyton decided that was a good idea and got distracted again with trying to help Tobin gather some kindling to get the fire going.  

 

Kelley made them chicken quinoa for dinner over the campfire that she had prepared at home and then packed into a freezer bag to reheat. Christen just had to laugh when she found out what they were having, knowing she had been worried for nothing. They were practically living in luxury, even out in the middle of the wilderness.

 

They ate and watched the sun go down and then sat on a couple blankets around the fire for the rest of the night, talking softly and laughing together at Peyton’s goofiness; until the child got tired and finally relaxed in between Tobin and Christen on the ground.

 

For as much activity as they had all day, she sure was a bundle of energy on the first night of her first real backpacking trip.

 

“PJ, wanna have a slumber party with me and Mana tonight?” Kelley asked from across the fire, noticing Peyton’s eyes were getting heavier by the second.

 

It was pitch black now, besides the fire and the moon illuminating the area enough to see each other’s faces across the small campsite.

 

“Ummm.” Peyton started to think on it, looking between all the adults to gauge their reactions.

 

Tobin just smiled at her, letting the child decide for herself.

 

“Yeah, sleep with us, we’re way more fun than those two.” Mana agreed.

 

She and Kelley turned to look at each other and giggled a little like they were scheming about something.

 

“Okay!” Peyton agreed. “Can I sleep in the middle?”

 

“Of course you can.” Kelley nodded with a big grin. Seemingly just as excited as Peyton was about it.

 

“How about we all brush our teeth now then?” Tobin suggested, knowing it was getting late and that Peyton should get to bed fairly soon.

 

“Noooo.” Peyton started to pout at that, drawing out her protest.

 

“Yeah, bud.” Tobin nodded, trying to be firm but in a nice way. “All of us are gonna do it together.”

 

“But I don’t wanna go to bed yet.” She started to beg, her voice wavering with a sense of sadness.

 

“Let’s just brush our teeth and then when you’re tired, you’ll be all ready.” Tobin insisted again. “You don’t have to go to bed right now.”

 

Christen was looking between them, figuring she could offer a little help, without trying to overstep her position.

 

“I think that sounds good.” She ran a hand over Peyton’s hair as she sat next to her. “Then it’s outta the way and I won’t have to worry about it later either.”

 

That seemed to be good enough for the kid as she hesitantly agreed, and they all stood around the edge of the campsite, brushing their teeth and pouring water into their mouths and spitting to rinse them out.

 

Peyton only lasted another twenty minutes, until she was too tired to fight it anymore. She gave Christen and Kelley hugs and then Mana crawled into the tent with her, completely fine with going to bed earlier than normal after their long day on the trail.

 

Tobin crawled in there too to say goodnight and tuck her in.

 

“If you need anything just wake Kelley up.” Tobin mentioned to Peyton when she was tucked into her small sleeping bag and had it zipped up. “If you have to get up for the bathroom or anything, she’ll help you okay?”

 

“Okay.” Peyton nodded.

 

“Sleep well, small one.” Tobin smiled, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

 

“I’m big now.” Peyton argued as she gave Tobin a hug back. “I can go camping and everything.”

 

“Oh yeah.” Tobin laughed quietly. “You’re big now.”

 

Peyton just nodded with a yawn.

 

“Love you to the moon and back.” Tobin hummed, putting her pointer finger up for Peyton to touch.

 

“Up to the stars and back down to the sea.” Peyton whispered, connecting the pad of her tiny finger to Tobin’s, knowing their nightly routine by heart.

 

Peyton had heard it somewhere and said it to Tobin one night a couple years ago and it just stuck. It had been their thing ever since, and Tobin kinda hoped they’d do it forever. Knowing full well that Peyton would get too old to play along at some point.

 

She ran her hand over Peyton’s hair again before she pushed herself back up.

 

“Do you love me too?” Mana wondered then as she zipped up her own sleeping bag on the other side of Peyton.

 

“Nah, not really.” Tobin teased, moving to slide out of the tent again. “Night kids.”

 

She stood up and turned around to find a smiling Kelley right in front of her, giving her a hug out of nowhere.

 

“You’re welcome for the alone time tonight.” Kelley whispered into Tobin’s ear as she pinched her and let go, before Tobin could even process that they were embracing.

 

The small freckled woman didn’t say anything else, just crawled into the tent and promptly zipped the door up, so they could no longer see out of it. She must have started tickling Peyton as a series of giggles rang out from inside the dome, but Tobin couldn’t tell for sure. She just ignored it and spun around again to find out where Christen was.

 

Christen was standing on the other side of the fire, looking out at the ocean quietly. She could see the ripple of waves coming into the shore down below, hearing the faint sound of the water crashing into the rocks.

 

Tobin slowly made her way around the fire and slid up next to her, wrapping her arm around Christen’s waist from the side.

 

“Pretty cool, huh?” Tobin whispered into Christen’s ear, nuzzling her face into the crook of Christen’s neck for a moment.

 

“Yeah.” Christen nodded as her hand found Tobin’s on her hip. “It’s incredible.”

 

She slowly turned sideways until she was wrapping her arms around Tobin’s neck, leaning in slowly to steal a kiss. Just as their lips were connecting, the zipper of the tent buzzed again and Kelley crawled back out.

 

“I knew it!” Kelley hushed with a laugh, catching them in their kiss and quickly calling them out for it. It was what she and Mana had wanted to happen. “You two don’t waste any time.”

 

Christen let her hands drop in slight embarrassment and Tobin turned her head enough to look at Kelley, without stepping back at all.

 

“Just forgot my water.” Kelley held up the plastic bottle once she picked it up. “Don’t let me interrupt.”

 

“Night, Kel.” Tobin returned in an annoyed tone, knowing Kelley was trying to give them a hard time.

 

Kelley chuckled and climbed back into the tent, disappearing from sight again as she rezipped the door closed.

 

“Sorry.” Christen whispered, looking up to meet Tobin’s eyes.

 

“For what?” Tobin wondered in return.

 

“I don’t know.. Just if you were trying to keep this low key..” Christen shrugged.

 

Tobin pulled Christen in a little closer, smiling at her surely. “I couldn’t care less about that. Those two were hoping to catch us anyway, I’m sure. They’re nosey best friends.”

 

“Alright.” Christen nodded a little.

 

“Is it okay with you if they know we like each other?” Tobin questioned then.

 

“Yeah.” Christen started to smile. “Mana’s already asked me about it and I’m sure it’s a little obvious. As long as we keep it pretty casual around everyone for now, I don’t think it’s a big deal.”

 

“Casual it is.” Tobin agreed with a nod as Christen hugged her again.

 

“Did you wanna go to bed or stay up for a while?” Tobin questioned after a moment.

 

“I don’t care.” Christen bobbed her shoulders with her arms around Tobin. “This is your camping trip, I’ll do whatever you want.”

 

“It’s our camping trip.” Tobin grinned. “Equal input across the board.”

 

“Hmmm.” Christen smiled as she searched for Tobin’s lips again, murmuring against them when she found them. “Can we maybe kiss a little in the tent if we go to bed?”

 

Tobin caught Christen’s bottom lip between hers, nodding her head as she pulled back. “We can kiss a little or a lot. Up to you.”

 

Christen started to laugh and leaned back in. “Yeah, let’s go to bed then.”

 

Tobin crawled into their small two person tent first, fixing the blankets before she laid down.

 

When she set the tent up earlier, she had taken the two sleeping bags and opened them both up, putting one down for them to lay on, on top of the sleeping mat, and spreading the other one out so they could cover up with it. This way they could still cuddle and not be separated by their own zipped-up bags.

 

Christen laughed when she saw the setup, not having been inside the tent yet.

 

“A bed for two, huh?” She grinned when she crawled in behind Tobin.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin explained happily. “I didn’t wanna be so far away from you.”

 

Tobin laid down on her back and Christen crawled in close, leaning down to kiss her lips sweetly for a moment, before she sat back up and shimmied out of her bra underneath her shirt, tossing it into the corner of the tent once it was off.

 

Tobin raised her eyebrows jokingly as she watched Christen work her magic, laughing like she was pretending to get her hopes up.

 

“Don’t get any ideas.” Christen giggled through her whisper as she turned back to face Tobin. “We’re not having sex for the first time in a tent while three other people are asleep ten feet away.” She paused before mumbling a little softer. “Even if I do kinda want you right now.”

 

“I know…” Tobin conceded, opening her arms and inviting down Christen into her. She bit her lip to keep any other smart comments to herself as Christen snuggled in.

 

“Wait, did you say you want me?” Tobin couldn’t help herself after Christen had her chin resting on Tobin’s shoulder.

 

“Did I say that?” Christen just shrugged playfully. “I don’t remember.”

 

“Hmmm.” Tobin pondered before she lifted her head off the small pillow and kissed Christen softly, choosing to end the conversation the best way she knew how.

 

Christen deepened the kiss after a moment, sliding her tongue lazily into Tobin’s mouth. They spent a few minutes kissing each other before she pulled back and took a breath. Slowing them down before either of their hands wandered to places that would be too irresistible to stop. She laid her head down on Tobin’s chest instead, staying close but wanting to relax again.

 

Tobin pulled the blanket up around them a little higher as she started to rub Christen’s back, both of them lying quietly for a moment.

 

Finally, Christen lifted her head again to speak.

 

“Ok, I have a question for you.” She murmured quietly.

 

They were still learning new things about each other every time they talked and had basically made it a game to ask each other meaningful questions whenever they thought of them.

 

“Go for it.” Tobin encouraged her.

 

“Tell me your favorite thing in the world.” She insisted.

 

“My favorite thing…” Tobin started to think about it. “That’s a hard question.”

 

“Is it?” Christen challenged kindly. “I just mean, like, the first thing that comes to your mind that makes you happy. I feel like it’s kinda easy.”

 

“I don’t know… a lot of things make me happy.” Tobin chuckled. “If it’s so easy, then what’s yours?”

 

“Okay. My favorite thing is my parents’ dogs reaction every time I come home to them.” Christen answered quickly. “Doesn’t matter what is wrong in the world or in my life, they always greet me like I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to them and it makes me instantly happy. Dogs are the greatest. I love them more than anything.”

 

Tobin shook her head a little. “Sounds like we need to get you a doggy of your own.”

 

“It’s only a matter of time.” Christen smiled, her green eyes practically sparkling with giddiness as she laid on Tobin.  

 

“You’re so cute.” Tobin beamed, kissing Christen’s forehead gently.  

 

“K, so what’s yours?” Christen asked then.

 

“Ahh… I guess I would say it’s when Peyton and I go get ice cream.” Tobin answered, thinking of something quickly off the top of her head. “She loves ice cream so much and every time we go get it, she is hilarious about it.”

 

Christen smiled excitedly. “In what ways?”

 

“Ok, so we’ll get in the truck to go get it and every time on the way to the ice cream shop, I always ask her ' _P_ _eyton what kind are you gonna get today?’_ and she always just talks such a big game.”

 

Tobin was grinning as she continued.

 

“She’ll say crazy things like _‘I’m gonna get cotton candy and put gummy bears on top!’_ Or something like _‘I’m gonna get chocolate and put three kinds of chocolate on it cause I love chocolate so much!’_ ”

 

Tobin shook her head again in reflection as she chuckled.

 

“So then every time we get there and we step up to the counter to order, she always freezes. So I let her take her time to think it over while I order first, and then I’ll look at her and ask her what she wants.”

 

“And what does she say?” Christen wondered. Highly entertained by this story.

 

“Every single time, she just looks up at me and smiles almost guiltily and then says to the worker in, like, the smallest, cutest voice. _‘I’ll have vanilla, please.’_ ”

 

They were both laughing harder now.

 

“Why vanilla?” Christen questioned, watching Tobin’s face as she laughed.

 

“Because. Vanilla is her favorite kind of ice cream.” She explained with a big laugh. “She thinks I don’t know that, and I don’t know why she won’t admit it... She must think it isn’t cool enough or something, but she absolutely loves vanilla ice cream.”

 

“She’s such a goof.” Tobin was practically bellying laughing thinking of it.

 

“Shhhh.” Christen laughed too as she hummed against Tobin’s lips, knowing they were probably being loud enough for the other tent to hear them now.

 

Tobin grinned against Christen’s lips in return until she pulled back slightly and was able to continue.

 

“So then we’ll drive home and I’ll watch her eat her ice cream cone in the back seat, and every single bite she takes, she’ll smile so widely because she’s so damn happy with her vanilla ice cream. And I’ll ask her if she likes it and she’ll nod so surely like it’s the best thing she’s ever eaten. And half of it will end up on her shirt because it melts faster than she can eat it, but yeah.. my favorite thing is definitely how happy she is in those moments.”

 

Christen bit her bottom lip in a smile, buzzing internally at how damn adorable Tobin is when she talks about Peyton. And the way she just lights up every time in doing so.

 

“I hope she never admits that vanilla is her favorite. It’s so fun for me.” Tobin finished her train of thought, before locking eyes with Christen again.

 

“Yeah, that’s what I looking for.” Christen whispered quieter this time, loving Tobin’s answer to her question. “That’s a wonderful favorite thing.”

 

Tobin swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, it is.” She took a deep breath to calm down, letting a yawn escape her lips as she did. The long day finally catching up to her.

 

They laid there looking at each other through the darkness for a moment before Christen finally spoke.

 

“We should probably sleep.” She whispered, leaning in to place another kiss to Tobin’s lips.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin agreed. “It’s been a long day.”

 

They kissed a couple more times and then Christen laid her head down again, nuzzling into Tobins’ neck a little, with her leg in between both of Tobin’s, basically half on top of her.

 

Both of them loving all of the contact they currently had.

 

“Night, Chris.” Tobin whispered softly when Christen finally stopped burrowing into her, pulling her body in just a little tighter.

 

Christen smiled to herself at the feeling of being so content in Tobin’s arms, letting her eyes close easily. “Night.”

 

Neither of them moved much for the rest of the night.

 

Tobin’s eyes opened just as the sun was coming up into view, counting her blessings for her internal clock and having the chance to watch the sunrise like she wanted to. Christen was still asleep on top of her, breathing shallow puffs of air into Tobin’s skin.

 

Tobin lifted her head enough so she could see out of the screen on the tent door, before she pried her arm out from underneath Christen and used it to prop her head up altogether.

 

“Chris.” Tobin whispered into her hair, trying to get her to wake up and watch the sunrise with her.

 

There was no movement from the dark haired woman on top of her as she was still sound asleep.

 

Tobin waited a moment and then tried again, rubbing her back a little harder with the arm that was still around Christen’s back.

 

“Christen..” She spoke through her gravelly morning voice.

 

“Hmm.” Christen barely hummed without moving.

 

“The sun is coming up.” Tobin croaked out.

 

“Five more minutes.” Christen whined mutedly, turning her face more so it was buried deeper into Tobin to drown out the world.

 

Tobin laughed through her nose. “If you wait five minutes, you’ll miss it.”

 

Christen’s eyes slowly opened and she pushed herself up through confusion, her hair a little messy and unkempt from sleep. She looked down at Tobin beneath her and then turned her head to look out the tent screen for a moment before she turned back around and laid right back down.

 

She placed a soft kiss on the edge of Tobin’s jaw and then shut her eyes and hugged Tobin tightly.

 

She couldn’t care less about the sunrise when she was this sleepy and she was out again within seconds.

 

Tobin just smiled to herself and started to run her hand over Christen’s hair to lull her back to sleep, kind of feeling bad for waking her at all; watching the sunset by herself without a complaint in the world.

 

It only took a few minutes of enjoying the soothing cadence of Christen’s breath on her skin again, before Tobin drifted back to sleep too.

 

When they woke up again an hour later, they climbed out of their tent to find Kelley already awake, trying to start another fire so they could cook breakfast over it. Christen helped make some coffee while Tobin and Kelley sat around the fire, relaxing until Peyton and Mana got up as well.

 

“How long till we can we go down to the beach?” Peyton asked with a mouthful of eggs, already getting impatient even though she hadn’t finished all of her breakfast yet.

 

“As soon as we are done eating and get ready.” Tobin answered her.

 

Peyton took two more giant bites until her plate was clean and then stood up, smiling at Tobin with her mouth packed full of food. “I’m ready.” She mumbled.

 

Tobin just started to laugh. “Alright, go change into your bathing suit.”

 

It took them twenty minutes to hike down the switchback trail to the beach, navigating the steep parts carefully so they didn’t slip and fall. When the finally got to the bottom, there wasn’t another soul in sight, giving them the whole large beach area to themselves.

 

It wasn't surprising since this beach was only accessible by hiking to it or by boat.

 

There were some rock caves along the edge of the mountainside and soft sand that led to the water as they got closer to the ocean.

 

They all took off their clothes so they were just in their suits and they laid out a couple towels they had brought, effectively setting up their home base for the day.

 

Peyton ran to the edge of the water, walking in until she was knee deep, before running back out again. It took her a few minutes to get used to the colder water temperature before she sat down on her butt and let the waves wash over her shoulders.

 

“PJ, don’t go deeper than your waist standing up, okay?” Tobin yelled to her as she walked towards the water. “The tide here is strong and you don’t have your life jacket.”

 

“Only if you go with me, right?” Peyton asked, even though she already knew the rules.

 

“Right.” Tobin grinned. “We can go out a little deeper in a bit and try to body surf the waves.”

 

Tobin walked back up the sand to where the others were finishing lathering up on sunscreen. “You guys wanna body surf?”

 

“I’m in.” Mana nodded.

 

“Yeah, dude.” Kelley agreed. “That’s why I’m here.”

 

They all turned to look at Christen who just shook her head, unsurprising to all of them.

 

“Nah, I’ll watch from here.”

 

Kelley stood up and pushed Mana’s shoulder a little. “Race ya to the water.”

 

They both took off sprinting, crashing into the waves in laughter and dunking themselves as Tobin and Christen watched. Peyton was standing in the shallow water laughing too, waiting until Kelley swam back in and carried her out a little farther.

 

“You good up here by yourself for a bit?” Tobin wondered to Christen.

 

“More than good.” Christen nodded. She had already laid back on one of the towels and was about to shut her eyes, hoping for a short nap in the sun.

 

Tobin let her eyes roam over Christen’s barely clothed body, admiring her golden brown skin that was shimmering from the not-yet-dry sunscreen until Christen lifted her head again and squinted at Tobin with one eye closed.

 

“Are you going then or..?”

 

Tobin nodded but didn’t move right away, looking over Christen’s muscular legs another time. “I guess so, although I kinda just like staring at your body...”

 

Christen rolled her eyes and smiled, dropping her head to the sand again and letting her eyes close. Tobin backed up a few steps before she turned around, jogging towards the water with a dopey grin on her face and diving under the water when she was deep enough.

 

The four of them spent the next hour riding the incoming crest of big waves with their bodies. Peyton would hang onto their backs, piggy back style, and see how far they could get, of course making it into a competition quickly.

 

It was fun and a little exhausting, draining a lot of energy out of them as they treaded water waiting for another turn at a wave. Peyton gave up first, asking Mana to swim her back to shore when they completed another run. The child wanted to build a sandcastle in the wet sand on the beach for a while.

 

Mana, Kelley, and Tobin did a couple more runs, before they climbed up on a large rock that was sticking out of the water about twenty yards out from shore. They all caught their breath and watched from a distance as Peyton walked up to Christen, probably trying to convince her to help build her sandcastle.

 

“Uh oh, she’s waking Christen up..” Kelley pointed out, referring to the kid.

 

“I shoulda told her to let her sleep.” Tobin commented as they watched from a distance.

 

“I’m sure Chris doesn’t mind." Mana shrugged before turning to Tobin. “Unless you guys didn’t get any sleep last night, then she might…”

 

She and Kelley both started laughing, elbowing Tobin on both sides of her.

 

“We got lots of sleep.” Tobin rolled her eyes. “All we did was sleep.”

 

“Aw, bummer.” Kelley grinned teasingly.

 

They all went quiet for a moment, watching as Christen stood up and followed Peyton to where she had one mound of sand already gathered, having picked her spot for the sandcastle in front of the water.

 

“So what’s the deal with you two anyway?” Mana asked after a beat. “Like, what are you?”

 

“I don’t know.” Tobin sighed softly. “Friends, I suppose.”

 

“Friends?” Kelley scoffed lightly. “If that’s what we’re calling _friends_ these days, then I need to get me some friends like you two.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Tobin calmed her down. “I mean.. I guess we like each other but we aren’t, like, together or anything. We’re just taking it slow and seeing where it goes.”

 

“Okay, so friends with benefits for a while? Nothing wrong with that.” Kelley conceded.

 

When Tobin didn’t say anything back to that, both Mana and Kelley looked at her again.

 

“Wait, you haven’t hooked up yet?” Mana tried to keep the surprise out of her voice.

 

“Nope.” Tobin answered her. “Nothing besides kissing.”

 

“Oh.” She responded. “I guess I just kinda got the vibe from both of you that you had.”

 

“Yeah me too.” Kelley agreed. “You look at each other like you’ve seen each other naked and liked it.”

 

Tobin laughed softly. “Like I said, we’re taking it slow and trying to find a good balance. So no sex yet. But.. I don’t know.. I really like her and I guess I kinda just want her around all the time.”

 

“Wow, that’s so unlike you.” Kelley laughed. “Usually you would rather not be bothered by the girls that fawn over you.”

 

“No kidding! You admitting you like her is more than we usually get from you, so progress!” Mana teased, elbowing Tobin again.

 

“Okay, first of all, I'm probably _'fawning'_ over her more than she is over me." Tobin started. "And secondly, you guys always say that, but it’s not like I’ve met that many people I can really like. Raising a kid is pretty time consuming, if you haven't noticed, and it’s also a big deal when it comes to my relationships. I don’t want just anyone hanging around Peyton.”

 

“Tobs, we get it.” Kelley assured her. “We’re just giving you a hard time.”

 

“Lucky me.” Tobin grinned back. “Honestly though, I think all Christen really wants right now is to just be happy again. She's been having kind of a hard time.”

 

“Well, you’re a pretty good person to help with that.” Mana added thoughtfully. “One of the best, actually.”

 

Tobin smiled at her words and they watched for another moment as Peyton practically sat down in Christen’s lap on the beach, the child and the dark haired woman laughing as they talked about who knows what.

 

“PJ sure adores her already.” Kelley said then, knowing they were all thinking the same thing.

 

“Yeah, I know.” Tobin nodded. “That’s the other part of this that I have to worry about. You know she doesn’t let just anyone in, but when she does, she gets so attached.”

 

“Yeah, but Peyton’s also a really good judge of character for a seven year old, so it’s not a bad thing.” Kelley tried to counter. “And Christen doesn’t seem like someone who would just up and leave your lives, even if you guys don’t end up being together.”

 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Tobin hummed. “She’s a pretty great person.”

 

“Not to mention, she’s insanely hot.” Mana added as they all started to laugh.

 

“God, I know.” Tobin practically whined while she ran her hand over her face in anguish. “She’s so out of my league.”

 

“Well, obviously not.” Kelley argued. “She totally likes you, it’s so obvious.”

 

That made Tobin smile again and they all fell silent until Kelley stood up, ready to get back in the water.

 

“Look, Tobs. Don’t worry, okay. Just take it slow and it’ll work out for you guys how it's supposed to.”

 

“I know.” Tobin mumbled. “Thanks, dudes.”

 

“And also, don’t overthink it, okay” Mana jumped in again. “Because you know she’s doing enough of that for the both of you. I don't think she ever stops thinking.”

 

“Yeah, and anytime you need a babysitter so you can take that hottie out on dates and get her to fall in love with you, we’re here to help.” Kelley smiled, stepping to the very edge of the rock. “And I promise I won’t force you to ask any other girls out that you don’t like.”

 

Kelley had been scolded about that stunt a few times from Mana and their other friends already.

 

“Yep, we’re here for ya.” Mana nodded as she and Tobin stood up as well. “Get the girl, Tobs!”

 

They were all laughing at Kelley and Mana’s attempt at pumping Tobin up before Tobin pushed both of them back into the water quickly and then jumped in herself. Knowing the conversation was over for now.

 

They all swam back to shore and spent the rest of the day napping in the sand and swimming in the shallow end of the water until they were all barely able to hike back up to their campsite from exhaustion.

 

Late that night, Peyton laid in between Christen and Tobin in their tent, all three of them making shadow puppets on the nylon ceiling, with Tobin’s phone light illuminating the small dome just enough for them to have some fun.

 

They were trying to wind down and fall asleep after another long day, but Peyton’s soft giggles kept going on and on.

 

“Toby, how many more days is there til school?” Peyton wondered as she rolled over into Tobin when she was finally bored of their puppet game.

 

“Umm, ten days.” Tobin answered her after counting quickly. “This is the last week of summer coming up and then you start school on Wednesday of the next week.”

 

“Are you excited for school, cutie?” Christen asked softly when Peyton didn’t respond.

 

“Yeah!” Peyton nodded as she rolled back over. “I like to see my friends every day, it's fun.”

 

“And that means we get to go to the fair next weekend.” Tobin rustled Peyton’s hair gently. “Remember how much you love the fair?”

 

They had a tradition of going to the Back to School Carnival every year on the last weekend of summer. It was one of Peyton’s favorite things because she got to go on as many spinning rides and eat as much sugar as she wanted.

 

“Oh yeah!” Peyton sat up excitedly, looking over at Christen. “Can you come with us? My friends will be there and I can show you them!”

 

Christen smiled at Peyton before she locked eyes with Tobin for a moment. “Is it Sunday night?”

 

“Yeah, afternoon into the night.” Tobin nodded. “But oh yeah, your parents are coming this week aren’t they?”

 

“Yeah, Monday night.” Christen explained, knowing she and Tobin had only talked about it briefly.  

 

Christen had almost forgotten that her Mom and Dad would be visiting in two days, with how much fun she’d had this weekend.

 

“But they are heading to Maui on Sunday morning, so I should be able to come with or at least meet you there later.” Christen figured.

 

‘Yes!” Peyton pumped her fist down in excitement. “Then you can meet Emily and Kai and Lana! They’re _so_ funny.”

 

Tobin chuckled at Peyton’s reaction.

 

“Alright, Squirt.” Tobin said as she reached for her phone, getting ready to shut the light off. “We better go to sleep, we’ve got a big hike out of here in the morning.”

 

They did their bedtime routine and Christen grinned lovingly at it before Peyton sat up and gave Christen a tight hug around her waist.

 

Tobin pulled the blanket up around Peyton’s shoulders as she curled up on her side and then the tent went completely dark again.

 

A few minutes later, after Peyton had fallen asleep, Tobin reached over her little body and found Christen’s hand, silently telling her good night again.

 

Christen had been thinking the same thing, giving Tobin’s hand a squeeze back and holding onto it gently, until they both drifted off to sleep together.

 

Christen’s new favorite people lying cozily right beside her for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this one isn't my favorite. Slow and steady but they'll make some bigger progress really soon, I promise.


	9. Rodeo Clowns.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody's romancing, cause it's too early for dancing  
> But here comes the music
> 
>  
> 
> .

Christen pulled her car into the narrow parking spot she finally found after driving up and down the rows of tightly packed cars for several minutes, turning off the ignition and taking the keys out of the switch slowly. She tossed them into her purse as she let out a soft breath, pulling the visor down to look in the mirror one last time, making sure her makeup didn’t need any last minute touch-ups.

 

She had driven to town with the top of her car up this evening so that the wind and heat didn’t ruin her hair before she even got there, having spent more time than usual on her appearance for the night. She wasn’t exactly sure why she was trying so hard, but she couldn’t ignore her habit for perfection when she got into these kinds of moods.

 

She was going for a casual but pretty look, with her hair down and meticulously straightened and a decent amount of makeup. She had a flowy black tank top on, with light wash jean shorts and black strappy sandals. Cute but not over the top by any means.

 

She gave herself a final once-over in the small visor mirror before she pushed it back up to the roof and pulled on the door handle to step out of the car.

 

She found her phone in her purse and sent a quick text to Tobin as she walked through the large dirt parking lot, weaving through cars heading in the direction of the giant ferris wheel that she could see in the distance.

 

{Christen Press 6:21PM}: **_Hey you, just walking in. Where should I meet you guys?_ **

 

Before she could even exit out of her messages, she saw three bubbles pop up in her text string with Tobin, getting a response almost instantly.

 

{Tobin Heath 6:21PM} **_Hey! We’re in line for cotton candy, not too far from the entrance. I’ll look for you!_ **

 

Christen smiled to herself when she read it, dropping her phone back into her purse again as she got to the entrance of the fairgrounds.

 

Just as she had promised last weekend, Christen was meeting Tobin and Peyton for a night at the Back to School Carnival. It was an annual tradition the town had to celebrate the end of another summer, with the fair running all Labor Day Weekend long.

 

Christen paid the admission fee and waited in the short line to get her ticket checked, before she entered the giant fenced-in area, walking towards where she could see the Cotton Candy truck lit up at the end of a busy grass pathway.

 

The fairgrounds were crowded with families with little kids, and teenagers who looked like they were on first dates; awkwardly holding hands like you do when you’re fifteen and aren’t quite confident enough yet.

 

It made Christen smile to see so many people laughing and having a good time in the warm summer breeze, making her way through the crowd as the sun was just starting to descend for the night.

 

She spotted Tobin and Peyton from a distance before they saw her; grinning to herself even more once she did.

 

Tobin was carrying Peyton piggyback style, holding her small legs up as Peyton had one arm wrapped around Tobin’s shoulders and the other hand holding a giant pink and blue cotton candy bundle on top of a long white stick.

 

Peyton was holding the cotton candy out in front of Tobin’s face, grinning as the brunette was trying to take a bite of it. Peyton pulled it away once Tobin had some between her teeth, as wisps of the airy candy floated in the breeze until Tobin got it all into her mouth.

 

They both laughed as soon as it disappeared before Peyton took another huge bite right from the cloud of sugar herself.

 

Christen stopped walking and let them have their moment of fun before interrupting. Taking a mental snapshot of how happy they looked in the moment. Noticing again how happy they always seemed, every time she got a glimpse of them together.

 

Like two unexpected best friends who were always having as much fun as possible.

 

Her moment of admiration was quickly thwarted though, as Tobin turned to her left and Peyton spotted the dark haired woman, pointing her out to Tobin and yelling excitedly as soon as she did.

 

“Christen!” Peyton waved the cotton candy like she was using it as her hand, almost kicking her legs into Tobin, telling her to get a move on it.

 

“Here we are!” She shouted again like Christen wouldn’t have noticed them otherwise.

 

Christen gave them a big smile and a wave, walking towards them as they walked towards her.

 

“Hey, you two.” She mentioned as soon as they were close enough together, dodging a couple people who had cut in between them until they came to a stop right in front of each other.

 

Peyton and Tobin grinning at her as she grinned right back. Not even a foot in between them.

 

“Toby, give her a hug!” Peyton practically demanded, giving Tobin another squeeze with her legs, until Tobin stepped into Christen so they could both hug her.

 

“Hey, Chris.” Tobin chuckled at the child's demands, wrapping one arm around Christen’s waist as Peyton wrapped her arm and the cotton candy around Christen’s shoulders. Both of them bringing her close at once.

 

Christen could hear Tobin’s gentle laughter in her ear as she was face to face with Peyton on her back, as they double hugged her. Not even caring that Peyton was probably getting the cotton candy in the back of her hair. It’d wash out anyway.

 

“Hi, cutie.” Christen smiled again as Peyton beamed at her. Blue food coloring staining her lips and tongue from the candy.

 

“You smell pretty!” Peyton commented, just as Tobin stepped them back from their embrace.

 

“Thanks.” Christen laughed. “You smell like candy.”

 

That made Peyton giggle as she took another big bite, wiggling down from Tobin’s back so she could stand on her own again.

 

“Wanna play ring toss with me?” Peyton wondered as she looked up at Christen, already having her next game in mind. “That one is my favorite.”

 

“Absolutely!” Christen nodded as they all turned to walk down to the ring toss booth. “That’s one of my favorites too.”

 

Tobin pulled out a handful of tickets from her pocket, giving enough to Peyton and Christen so they could both play ring toss. Christen made enough rings that she won a small teddy bear for Peyton, letting the child pick out which one she wanted. After that, she was content with standing back and watching next to Tobin.

 

“So how was your week?” Tobin wondered as they followed Peyton around from game to game, coming to a stop in front of the mini basketball free throw game that she wanted to play next.

 

“It was really good.” Christen smiled, turning to face Tobin. “It was so nice to have my parents here for a few days. My dad and I got a lot done around my house and I forgot how much I missed my mom’s cooking.”

 

“Yeah, it’s always nice to have parents come visit.” Tobin nodded as she listened.

 

Both adults turned their attention to Peyton again then, laughing as she was chucking mini basketballs into the air and missing the rim completely most of the time.

 

“I missed you guys though.” Christen hummed quietly after a beat, waiting for Tobin to look over at her again. Both of the smiling when they made eye contact.

 

Christen hadn’t seen Tobin or Peyton at all since they dropped her off after their camping trip last weekend.

 

As much as she wanted to, Christen wasn’t ready to introduce them to her parents, so she had avoided the subject altogether, and Tobin was great about giving her space to enjoy their company without any added pressures.

 

They both found themselves missing each other more than they would have thought, though. No longer completely content with just random texting conversations throughout the day. They missed spending time together.

 

“I missed you too.” Tobin grinned easily. “We both did. Peyton asked when you were coming over again almost every day. That kid’s a broken record sometimes.”

 

They both cheered when Peyton finally made a basket on her last shot, watching the kid dance around excitedly when she did.

 

Before they could continue their conversation any further, Tobin’s phone dinged loudly in her pocket. She quickly fished it out and read the message she had received.

 

“It’s Lana’s mom.” Tobin spoke as she looked over at Peyton. “She said they are over by the ferris wheel now if we wanna go meet them.”

 

“Yes!” Peyton shouted happily, like it was perfect timing.

 

Tobin looked up at Christen and gave her an apologetic smile before explaining.

 

“So Peyton wants to meet up with her friends Lana and Kai to ride the ferris wheel and some other rides. Do you mind if we walk that way?”

 

“No, not at all.” Christen shook her head as she pushed her sunglasses up on top of her head, no longer needing them as the evening sky was starting to darken. “I’m here to do whatever you guys want to do.”

 

“I can’t wait to show you them!” Peyton exclaimed, thinking of her friends before she reached up and grabbed Christen’s hand.

 

The kid wasted no time, tugging on Christen’s arm eagerly and leading them in the direction of where the ferris wheel was sticking out high above the food vendors and rides on the other side of the fairgrounds. Not even waiting to see if Tobin was following them or not.

 

Christen looked back at Tobin as she tried to keep pace with the anxious child, both of them laughing to themselves when their eyes met until Tobin took a few quick steps and caught up again. Weaving through the crowds until they found their meeting point.

 

Christen knelt down when Peyton introduced her to Kai and Lana, listening intently as Peyton rambled on about her best friends. They were twins who were in the same grade as Peyton and they’d been friends since they met in Kindergarten.

 

When she finally stood back up, Tobin introduced her to the kids’ mom and dad, shaking their hands kindly as they made small talk for a couple minutes about the upcoming school year.

 

“PJ, just one ride, right?” Tobin wondered, cutting in as the kids talked animatedly in front of them.

 

She needed to know how many tickets to buy her for the ferris wheel, now running low on the first round of ride tickets she had bought when they got there.

 

“Yes, please!” Peyton nodded politely, barely pausing the conversation with her friends to answer.

 

“How about you?” Tobin cocked an eyebrow at Christen then. “Will you go with me?”

 

“Awww, do you need a ride buddy?” Christen teased, giving Tobin’s arm an affectionate squeeze.

 

“I guess so since Peyton ditched me.” Tobin joked. “I don’t wanna be the lame one that has to go by myself.”

 

“Yeah, I’d love to ride with you.” Christen agreed, following Tobin to the counter to buy more tickets.

 

Once they had the tickets they all got in line for the ferris wheel, slowly moving along as the sun fully set on the evening. The now-dark sky contrasting against an array of neon carnival lights everywhere they looked.

 

Tobin and Christen stood together behind Peyton and her friends as they waited, listening as the kids went on and on about how excited they were for school to start and what other friends they were going to have in Mrs. Lee's third-grade class.

 

Christen watched them for a moment, smiling to herself as she stepped closer to Tobin once she was sure Peyton wasn’t paying attention. She ran her hand softly down the inside of Tobin’s arm before she found Tobin’s hand with hers, linking two of their fingers together loosely.

 

Tobin grinned at her and took another half a step closer when she felt Christen’s hand in hers until they were fully brushing up against each other.

 

“Thanks for coming tonight.” Tobin murmured in Christen’s ear then, finally feeling like the had a moment for just them to talk.

 

“Thanks for inviting me.” Christen smiled cutely. “I’m happy to be here with you.”

 

She then leaned in and placed the quickest kiss to Tobin’s jaw, pulling back and making almost shy eye contact with Tobin. Tobin readjusted their hands, so they were clasped together fully now, not letting go again until it was their turn to get on the ride.

 

She didn’t really care if anyone saw them or not.

 

Peyton got in with Lana and Kai’s family, waving goodbye as the ferris wheel started to move a little, before Tobin and Christen got into their own car.

 

“Okay, so full disclosure.” Christen started to explain slightly nervously as they got locked in by the ride attendant. “I’m, like, pretty afraid of heights.”

 

Tobin started to laugh, wrapping her arm around Christen’s back and pulling her in close. “I’ll make sure you’re safe.”

 

Tobin winked and Christen rolled her eyes. “Yeah, you won’t be able to do anything if this thing falls..”

 

She leaned in closer anyway, not minding the way Tobin held her one bit. Before they knew it, the ride was moving again as they slowly rotated up towards the sky.

 

It was a gorgeous evening for it, and as soon as they were up high enough to be above the other rides and games, they could see for miles. The faintest light of dusk still visible way out on the horizon.

 

Christen draped her hand over Tobin’s thigh and relaxed a little, just enjoying the few minutes of closeness they had.

 

She got another moment of nervousness when the ride paused again while they were at very top of the circle, their cart swaying back and forth gently from the abruptness of stopping.

 

“Oh gosh.” Christen panicked, tightening her grip on Tobin’s leg as she looked over the edge.

 

Tobin laughed softly, reaching up and grabbing Christen’s chin with her fingertips, angling her face so they were eye to eye instead of letting Christen continue to look down at the ground below them.

 

“It’s okay.” Tobin whispered. “How about you just focus on me for a moment?”

 

Tobin was running her thumb back and forth on Christen’s jaw to comfort her. “Don’t think about where we are, just look at me, k?”

 

Christen swallowed and nodded the slightest nod, letting her eyes flit down to Tobin’s lips and then back up to her eyes. Spotting the hazel flakes in her otherwise brown irises, realizing she hadn’t noticed the different shades of color before.  

 

“You okay?” Tobin wondered quietly, waiting until Christen nodded her head once more before she smiled.

 

“I am now.” Christen murmured.

 

“Would it be totally Junior High of me if I kissed you right now?” Tobin grinned in question, still holding Christen’s face close.

 

“Definitely.” Christen started to laugh with a small nod. “But I want you to anyway.”

 

Tobin chuckled breathlessly as she leaned in, kissing Christen’s lips slowly for a few moments until they were both grinning too widely to continue.

 

They had missed that all week.

 

They both opened their eyes to look at each other before Tobin got a sly look on her face, noticing how relaxed Christen now seemed. “Huh. I bet this scared act was just a ploy to get me to kiss you, wasn’t it?”

 

“Well, I mean, I had to play my part..” Christen joked right back. “Since I know _your_ whole plan was to get me up here so you could kiss me anyway.”

 

They both held eye contact in a staredown until the ferris wheel started to move again, trying not to be the one to break first. Christen gave in and pecked Tobin’s lips once more before they re-adjusted their positions to look out the front of the car again.

 

When the got to the bottom side of the ride, they could see Peyton had turned around in her car to face backwards at them, waving at them anxiously.

 

“Toby! Christen!” Peyton yelled as she did, making sure she got their attention, even though her voice was muted by the plexiglass in between their cars.

 

Both adults waved back, relaxing more on the second full rotation, talking casually until their ride was over.

 

After the ferris wheel, they made their way around to a few other rides, making sure not to skip any of them for Peyton’s sake. Christen wasn’t as brave on the others, skipping the Scrambler and the swinging Pirate Ship, in favor of watching as Peyton and Tobin rode it by themselves.

 

She was more than happy to hold their stuff and wave at them from a distance.

 

Judging by the faintly, sick-looking, grimace on Tobin’s face after every ride, she was glad she did. But thankfully, Tobin was a good enough sport about it all for the both of them.

 

When Peyton finally had her fill of spinning rides, they got some cheese curds and a soft pretzel to share, sitting down at a picnic table in the middle of the food carts to eat. Christen and Peyton sat on one side while Tobin sat across from them.

 

“What’s your favorite carnival game?” Peyton questioned to Christen as she munched on a bite of the pretzel, looking up at her with curious eyes.

 

“Umm.” Christen thought on it for a moment. “I really like dart game where you try and pop the balloons.”

 

“That one is really hard!” Peyton’s eyes went a little wide, surprised by Christen’s answer.

 

“Yeah, it is.” Christen nodded. “But I like it because I always used to beat my sister at it when we were little and she’d get really mad at me.”

 

Peyton laughed at that and then leaned to the side, resting her weight on Christen and looking up at her again. “Can you teach me how to do it good?”

 

“Sure.” Christen nodded as she wrapped her arm around Peyton’s shoulders in return. “How about we go try it after this?”

 

Tobin was watching them have their own conversation from across the table when her phone dinged again. She pulled it back out of her pocket and read the text she had waiting. Her mind getting slightly puzzled when she saw who it was from.

 

{Taylor Williams 8:37 PM}: **_Glad you took my advice and finally made a move. Hope you guys are having fun :)_ **

 

Tobin lifted her eyes from her phone and scanned the crowd of people behind Christen and Peyton, letting her eyes trail from left to right, until she spotted the familiar blonde woman standing with a few friends next to the Pronto Pup cart.

 

Taylor was watching Tobin the whole time, waiting until Tobin finally spotted her and then giving her a friendly thumbs up when she did. Tobin smiled back and nodded in acknowledgement, thankful for her friend’s easy going nature and good hearted well wishes about her and Christen.

 

Taylor smiled one more time and then turned to follow her friends as they walked away.

 

Tobin looked back across the table as Christen and Peyton were looking at each other and laughing about their current conversation and she realized again quickly that she had made the right decision. It was clearly obvious to Taylor as well.

 

Christen just fit into her and Peyton’s lives so well. No extra effort required.

 

“Right, Toby?” Peyton wondered then as she and Christen turned to look at her, pulling her out of her thoughts.

 

“What’s that?” Tobin asked, having missed what was said while she was stuck in her reflection.

 

“You always win the biggest bear on the fishing game!” Peyton said again, her little smile lighting up so brightly across the table. “I can’t wait to get a new one.”

 

“That’s right.” Tobin laughed. “No pressure this year, I guess…”

 

They finished their food and were on the way to the dart game when they ran into Kai and Lana’s family again. Stopping to talk to them again for a few minutes.

 

The kids were all standing together and whispering quietly about something until Peyton came skipping up to Tobin, pulling on her arm to ask her a question.

 

Tobin leaned down so she was eye level with the kid, talking to her quietly. “What’s up?”

 

“Can I sleep over at Lana’s?” Peyton wondered then, holding Tobin’s hand with both of hers as she continued to tug on her arm in excitement.

 

“Uh, did she ask her mom and dad already?” Tobin questioned, not wanting to say yes or no before she even knew if Peyton was invited.

 

“Yeah!” Peyton nodded fervently. “Right, Lana? Your mom said I could!”

 

Tobin looked up at Lana and Kai’s mom and the older woman smiled. “We’d love to have her if it’s okay with you. I figured one last summer sleepover couldn’t hurt. The kids have been begging for it since we got off the ferris wheel.”

 

“Please, please, please!” Peyton also begged, dropping her weight so that Tobin had to completely hold her up with her arm to keep her off the ground.

 

“PJ, stand up.” Tobin started to laugh, the muscles in her arms flexing strongly as she pulled the kid up enough so she’d stand on her feet again.

 

Peyton started to laugh at her game, letting go of Tobin’s hand. “Can I?” She asked again.  

 

“Yeah, that’s cool with me.” Tobin agreed easily.  

 

There were only two more days until school started and they’d all be busier again then. She didn’t mind if Peyton wanted to spend the night at their house one final time for the summer.

 

All three children cheered when Tobin said yes, bouncing up and down on their toes like they were wired on sugar. Tobin was suddenly thankful it wasn’t her house that was hosting their slumber party tonight.

 

“We’re getting ready to head out.” Lana’s mom said again. “Do you wanna come with us now, Peyton, or does Tobin want to drop you off in a little while?”

 

“Umm... I’ll come now.” Peyton decided on the spot before looking up at Tobin to make sure that was okay.

 

Her plan of playing balloon darts and watching Tobin win the fishing game all quickly forgotten.

 

“You don’t want the giant teddy bear?” Tobin wondered looking down at the kid.

 

Peyton shook her head no, pretending she never liked it anyway in front of Kai and Lana.

 

“Alright.” Tobin hummed slowly. “Go have fun with your friends then.”

 

Peyton said goodbye to Tobin and Christen, giving them both a big hug, before she left with their family, abandoning the two adults to do their own thing for the rest of the night.

 

“Wow, third grade has really changed her. She ditched us just like that..” Tobin turned to face Christen as they watched them walk away, smiling sarcastically as she did. “I remember the days when she wanted to hang out with me all the time...”

 

Christen laughed, placing a hand softly on Tobin’s ribs and stepping a little closer to her. “I hate to break it to ya, but I think it’s only gonna get worse..”

 

“I know.. by the time she’s a teenager, she won’t even want to hang out with me at all.” Tobin shrugged.

 

“Well if it makes you feel any better, I still wanna hang out with you.” Christen smiled, feeling Tobin’s hands find her hips as she was pulled into a hug.

 

“You know, if the kids get a sleepover tonight, I think I should get one too.” Tobin murmured in her ear as they embraced in the middle of the fair.

 

Ignoring the rest of the world around them as they did.

 

Christen started to laugh softly. “Tobin, would you like to sleep over at my house?”

 

“Hmmm...” Tobin pretended to think on it, drawing out her answer.

 

“Please, please, please.” Christen tried again, her lips ghosting over Tobin’s ear as she whispered sweetly, mimicking Peyton’s begging from a few minutes ago.

 

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Tobin murmured, stepping back from their hug and grabbing Christen’s hand to lead them towards the parking lot. “Let’s get out of here.”

 

Tobin followed Christen home in her truck, both of them parking in the small driveway at Christen’s house fifteen minutes later, passing up Gus who was sleeping on the porch as they made their way inside.

 

“Woah, new paint.” Tobin noticed right away once they were standing in the living room. “It looks great in here, Chris.”

 

“Thanks.” Christen beamed. “My dad and I painted almost every room this week. It feels so much more homey in here now, I think.”

 

“Yeah, I really like it.” Tobin nodded seriously. “Will you show me the rest?”

 

Christen gave Tobin a fairly quick run-through of all the rooms that had new paint and freshly stained trim since the last time she’d been over. They loosely held hands as they walked through the house, as Christen showed off her and her dad’s handiwork that she was pretty proud of. Not wanting to spend all night talking about housework, but happy that Tobin seemed to genuinely care enough to ask about it.

 

“So, I don’t have the array of drink selections that you have.” Christen smiled as she and Tobin made their way into her kitchen after their short tour. “But I do have some red wine if you’re interested in that?”

 

Tobin grinned, lifting herself up to sit on the counter as Christen looked around her small kitchen.

 

It was kind of a habit of theirs to soften their nerves a little with a drink or two when they were alone, but Tobin wasn’t interested in that tonight. She didn’t need alcohol to feel relaxed and comfortable around the dark haired beauty anymore. She just had to be confident enough for both of them.

 

“I’m okay.” She shrugged. “I don’t really need anything to drink right now.”

 

Christen spun back around and looked at Tobin, smiling at her easily. “Okay then.” She nodded matter of factly. “What can I interest you in?”

 

Tobin bit her bottom lip and slowly wagged her finger at Christen, inviting her to come closer.

 

Christen slowly sauntered up to Tobin until she was standing right in front of her, stepping in between Tobin’s legs and lifting her head enough so they could feel each other’s breaths on their lips.

 

“I’d like a kiss.” Tobin whispered, answering Christen’s question slowly. “If you’re offering.”

 

Christen smiled and stood up on her tiptoes then, with her hands on Tobin’s thighs for balance, giving her a long, slow kiss. Unable to deny Tobin’s request when she asked so nicely.

 

Christen opened her mouth a little, inviting Tobin’s tongue in as she gripped her thighs firmly. Tobin moved her hand around to the back of Christen’s neck and licked her tongue into Christen’s mouth a little deeper until both of them moaned softly.

 

Christen pulled back and landed flat on her feet again, feeling breathless as she did. Tobin laughed softly at her reaction, moving both of her hands to Christen’s shoulders and messaging them gently for a long moment, trying to keep her relaxed.

 

Christen looked back up at Tobin as she licked her lips. “It’s really not fair for you to kiss me like that while I’m the one standing up.”

 

“Sorry..” Tobin whispered with a cocky smile. “Let me try again? I’ll be nice this time, I promise.”

 

Christen gave her a wicked smile of her own, stepping back into Tobin. “Who said I wanted you to be nice?”

 

Tobin got a rush of butterflies in her stomach as Christen kissed her again, even slower this time. Taking the lead with her tongue and trying to torture Tobin just as much in return.

 

It only took a minute before Tobin let out another moan deep in her throat, causing Christen to pull back and laugh victoriously.

 

“Holy shit.” Tobin practically whined, resting her forehead against Christen’s as they both took a breath.

 

“I know.” Christen hummed in return. Feeling the exact same way.

 

Christen took a tiny step back as her hands found Tobin’s then, clasping them both together in front of them as she looked back up to make eye contact with the brunette.

 

“Tobin..” Christen whispered.

 

Tobin looked at her patiently before answering back just as softly. “Yeah?”

 

Christen smiled sweetly and swallowed once before she finished her thought.

 

“I think we should have sex.” Christen mused. “Tonight, I mean.”

 

They held eye contact in silence for a moment as Tobin gauged Christen’s emotions before she spoke again.

 

“That sounds fun.” Tobin licked her lips and nodded. “I think we should too.”

 

“Okay.” Christen laughed almost as if she was relieved that Tobin was willing to sleep with her. “That’s good.”

 

Tobin just chuckled at how cute she was; so enamored by how Christen could be so sexy and wholesome at the same time.

 

“Did you want to do it right here, or?” Tobin asked then, wanting to go at Christen’s pace, but knowing she was probably going to have to take the lead at some point and more than willing to do so.

 

“The bedroom would probably be best.” Christen hummed, playing along with Tobin’s pretend questioning.

 

“The countertops aren’t nearly as comfortable as my bed is, and I’m not sure if we’re at that level of spontaneity quite yet.”

 

“I mean, I could definitely make it work right here...” Tobin shrugged teasingly. “But the bedroom is good too.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Christen rolled her eyes playfully, pulling Tobin down off the counter. “I sure hope you can back up all that big talk…”

 

“Well, there is only one way to find out.” Tobin gave her a confident grin, leaning in to kiss Christen’s lips quickly as she laughed.

 

“Let’s go, hot stuff.” Christen insisted, spinning around and heading through the house again.

 

She led them to her bedroom with their hands laced together lightly, closing the door as soon as they got there. She took a deep breath to ground herself and then slowly turned around to face Tobin who was standing at the foot of the bed patiently.

 

Smiling at her with a lazy grin, trying not to be too eager.

 

Christen stepped into where Tobin was standing and placed both hands on her sides softly, angling her face up to meet Tobin’s as they both looked at each other for a moment.

 

Tobin’s hands found Christen’s hips and she slowly turned them around, so Christen was in between her and the bed now. She was ready to get to work. Ready to prove her worth to Christen the best way she knew how.

 

Tobin licked her lips again and leaned in until she paused, looking into Christen’s eyes seriously for a moment.

 

“Just tell me if you want me to stop, okay?”

 

Tobin’s confidence sent a small shiver down Christen’s spine, turning her on even more in an instant.

 

“Okay.” Christen whispered, closing the space between their lips slowly as she kissed Tobin again.

 

Tobin let Christen’s lips work for a moment before she leaned back and found the hem of Christen’s shirt, lifting it up as she held eye contact with Christen, making sure it was okay to begin.

 

Christen smiled surely, lifting her arms as Tobin peeled her shirt off and dropped it to the ground at the foot of the bed.

 

She then reached down and undid Christen’s jean shorts, pulling them down gently as Christen stepped out of them.

 

“I meant to say this earlier.” Tobin hummed as she worked. “But you look really gorgeous tonight. I mean, you always do, but tonight especially. I love your hair like this.”

 

Christen grinned, about to tease Tobin for only mentioning that now that they were undressing each other, but she decided to just believe her. She had worked extra hard on her appearance tonight, mainly for Tobin’s benefit; even if she hadn’t known then that this is where they’d end up for the night.

 

“Well, I wanted to look good for you.” Christen admitted through a whisper, reaching for Tobin’s shirt in return.

 

“For me?” Tobin’s eyebrows raised almost in surprise like she couldn’t believe Christen would try any harder just for her sake. It’s not like she needed to at all.

 

“Mmhhmm.” Christen hummed as she ghosted over Tobin’s lips with her own, her hands finding Tobin’s shorts just then. “I want you to want me.”

 

“I do.” Tobin swallowed with a slight nod. “So much.”

 

Christen pulled Tobin’s shorts down and watched as she stepped out of them too before the brunette was pushing her backwards, until Christen’s legs were hitting the end of her bed. Tobin’s hand found the back of Christen’s neck again and she leaned in, kissing the pulse point right under her ear and then working a path down the soft skin on Christen’s neck with her lips.

 

Christen let her eyes close, enjoying the way Tobin’s mouth felt on her while trying not to rush it too much.

 

Tobin’s path ended at the top of Christen’s chest before she lifted her head to make eye contact again, running her left hand around to the back of Christen’s bra and finding the clasp.

 

Christen nodded slightly with approval before Tobin undid the clasp, removing Christen’s bra without hesitation. Christen watched Tobin’s face as she admired her now bare breasts, licking her lips out of instinct at the sight of them.

 

Both of them feeling confident and secure as they barrelled right past the line of where they’d been with each other before.

 

Christen reached up and did the same to Tobin, feeling more eager now to keep going. Feeling the want and anticipation building between her legs.

 

“Wow.” She whispered softly as Tobin’s bra hit the floor.

 

Tobin just laughed softly, watching then as Christen reached down for her underwear too, slowly pulling them down past Tobin’s butt until they were dropping next to the rest of their clothes.

 

“Okay, seriously?” Christen marveled, unable to keep her thoughts to herself at the moment.

 

“What?” Tobin laughed curiously. Loving the way Christen was looking at her with undeniable want.

 

“How is your skin so tan everywhere?” Christen pointed down at Tobin’s now completely naked body. The faintest tan lines on the swells of her breasts and on her hip bones. Just barely visible against the rest of her golden tanned skin.

 

“You totally suntan naked, don’t you?” Christen smiled seriously.

 

“Maybe…” Tobin smirked, letting her hands find Christen’s hips. “I mean… It’s kinda one of the perks of knowing all the secret hidden beaches around here...”

 

Christen let out a low breath. “You’re _so_ taking me with you next time.”

 

Tobin just chuckled, leaning in to kiss Christen’s lips again. “I’d be happy to.”

 

Tobin’s kiss did enough to refocus Christen as she guided Tobin’s hands down to the waistband of her own underwear, silently instructing Tobin to pull them down. Not breaking their kiss as she did.

 

Tobin hooked her fingers inside of Christen’s underwear and tugged the lacy fabric down, bending down just enough to get them past Christen’s knees, before standing back up when they were both completely naked.

 

Tobin took a deep breath, letting her eyes roam up and down Christen’s amazing body in appreciation.

 

“Chris, you’re perfect.”  She husked out, letting her eyes linger a bit longer as she bit her bottom lip.

 

Christen let her look as long as she wanted, holding onto Tobin’s arms to keep herself grounded.

 

Tobin finally snapped out of her short trance and pushed Christen backwards lightly, with her hands on her hips, until Christen was sitting down on top of her bed. “Lay back for me.”

 

Christen did as she was told, pulling herself up the bed and then lying back on the mattress, her dark hair splaying out across the white pillow cases on her neatly made bed.

 

Tobin kneeled up on the end of the bed and lifted Christen’s right leg, slowly kissing a path up her inner thigh, stopping before she got too close to where Christen was throbbing for her. She then did the same path up Christen’s left leg, until the green eyed beauty was panting in slight frustration.

 

“Tobin.” Christen hummed through a ragged voice. “I’m not gonna last very long here. Will you please touch me?”

 

Tobin smirked and nodded when they locked eyes, leaning down into her body until she was kissing a trail from Christen’s right hip bone upwards towards her breasts. Her fingertips trailing lightly on the inside of Christen’s left leg, from her knee, high up to her inner thigh.

 

Tobin’s lips moved in between Christen’s breasts and then up over her neck and finally found her lips, licking her tongue into her mouth just for a moment. Christen moaned softly and then reached down for Tobin’s hand, dragging it the rest of the way up to her center, looking for some friction.

 

Tobin pulled back and they held eye contact again for a moment, seeing the desire written on Christen’s face, and that was all she needed. Dying to make Christen feel good without making her wait any longer.

 

It didn’t take much, Tobin’s warm mouth finding Christen’s breast and three fingers slipping in and out of her, curling just right against her walls for a few minutes, until Christen was moaning loudly.

 

Humming Tobin’s name in a perfect cadence that Tobin never knew she needed to hear so badly.

 

Christen took a minute to regain her senses when she was finished, feeling completely blissed out with her eyes closed, as Tobin watched her happily.

 

When Christen finally opened her eyes and looked up at Tobin they both laughed softly.

 

“Wow.” Christen breathed. “You’re good at that.”

 

“Yeah? Did that feel okay?” Tobin questioned curiously.

 

Judging by Christen’s reaction and the wetness that had been covering Tobin’s fingers before she wiped them off on the bed sheets, she knew it had, but she wanted to hear Christen say it anyway.

 

“Yeah.” Christen grinned. “I liked it very much.”

 

She turned onto her side to kiss Tobin, before she sat up completely, pushing Tobin onto her back and swinging her leg over Tobin’s hips to straddle her. Ready to return the favor.  

 

Tobin didn’t need much either, already so turned on by making Christen come that she was easy work under the touch of Christen’s hands. The dark haired woman rocking her hips into her right hand to push her fingers deep inside of Tobin, using her left hand to work Tobin’s breasts until she was close to coming as well.

 

Tobin sat up so they were face to face, kissing Christen deeply as Christen twisted her wrist just right and that’s all she could take. Moaning into Christen’s mouth before she fell back against the mattress. Her chest heaving rapidly as she finished, until Christen slowed her movements, finally pulling her fingers out of Tobin.

 

Tobin laid there and caught her breath as Christen looked down at her affectionately, not bothering to slide off of Tobin as they relaxed. A light glean of sweat on both of them from their movements.

 

Tobin opened her eyes to Christen’s green pools gazing down at her and they both sighed contently, staring at each other for a long moment.

 

“Fuck, baby. That felt so good.” Tobin hummed out before she surged up to meet Christen’s lips again. Only catching them for a moment, before Christen pulled back a little.

 

Christen ran a hand through her hair, internally cringing at what Tobin had just said. Her insides freezing up as she felt her stomach drop, just like that.

 

Tobin took a couple more deep breaths as she relaxed back into the pillows to calm herself down and when Christen didn’t say anything, she opened her eyes again to look at the green eyed beauty above her.

 

“What’s wrong?” Tobin whispered when she registered the distressed look on Christen’s face.

 

Sensing right away that she had just done something she shouldn’t have.

 

“Nothing.. Just..” Christen paused, making sure to keep her voice kind. “Please don’t call me that, okay?”

 

“Oh.. okay..” Tobin was a little surprised by Christen’s request but agreed nonetheless. “You’re right, too soon for nicknames, sorry. I didn’t mean that, like, that we’re together or anything...”

 

Her awkward attempt at an explanation of why she had just slipped up and called Christen baby was quickly dismissed by the dark haired woman.

 

“No, no..” Christen shook her head. “It’s not that. Call me anything else that you want, it’s fine. Just.. not that, please.”

 

“Okay..” Tobin nodded again. “No on _baby,_ got it.”

 

She paused for a moment, looking up through her eyelashes at Christen again. “...Can I ask why?”

 

“I just don’t like it…” Christen let her eyes shut, shaking her head softly back and forth. “I hate it, actually.”

 

“How come?” Tobin tried again, moving her hands up to hold onto Christen at her ribs, steadying her so they could talk for a moment.

 

“Just cause.” Christen deflected, not wanting to explain it right  now. “It doesn’t really matter why.”

 

Tobin nodded hesitantly.

 

She wanted to let it go, but for some reason she just couldn’t. She was starting to get a little frustrated at the limited amount of information Christen always gave her.

 

She needed more from her at some point, if this thing between them was going to go anywhere.

 

“Chris...” Tobin requested with a gentle voice. “I want to do things that make you happy, but I also can’t avoid the bad things if I don’t know what they are.”

 

Christen leaned down into her and kissed Tobin, trying to end the conversation by coaxing Tobin into action again.

 

They kissed for a moment until Tobin broke it, turning her head just enough so that Christen had no choice but to lean back slightly.

 

“Having sex with you and kissing you make me happy.” Christen hummed into Tobin’s ear. “Let’s keep doing that.”

 

She wanted to go again instead of talking right now.

 

“Yeah me too.” Tobin nodded. “But.. I don’t know.. Can’t we just talk about it for a moment.”

 

Christen clenched her fists together, dropping both of her hands to Tobin’s stomach as she leaned back up again. Letting out a long sigh as she did.

 

“I don’t really want to talk about it.” She begged.

 

Tobin didn’t say anything but she gave Christen a look that just said _not good enough._

 

“Please?” Tobin whispered after they held eye contact in a staredown for a moment.

 

“Fine…” Christen sighed like she was annoyed, knowing Tobin wasn’t going to let it go now.

 

“I don’t like it because my ex used to call me Baby all the time. That was really the only thing he called me.” Christen started, trying to keep her voice steady as she spoke. “And apparently that’s what he also called the girl he was sleeping with. Probably so he wouldn’t confuse our names, since he was fucking her basically the whole time we were together.”

 

Tobin’s heart sank into her stomach at Christen’s words. “Oh.” she whispered.

 

Christen continued, ignoring Tobin’s acknowledgement now that she had launched into an upsetting rant. Needing to just get it out so that Tobin would stop pushing the subject.

 

“I found that Fun Fact out by coming home early from a work trip and hearing him say _‘come here, baby’_ through our bedroom door, even though he didn’t know I was home yet. I wanted to surprise him, so I opened the door and found him and another girl naked in our bed. In my bed. That they had just had sex in. The bed I slept in, right next to him, every single night when I was home.. Not that it mattered to him at all.”

 

Tobin swallowed a little in shock, hating how this was going all the sudden. There really couldn’t have been a worse conversation to be having with someone who you were in the middle of having sex with.

 

She was now internally cursing herself, wondering why she couldn’t have just kept her mouth shut to begin with.

 

“So I don’t want to talk about it, okay? I like spending time with you, Tobin, because I don’t think about any of that when I’m with you. I only think about you. You make me feel happier and you take away that deep pit of sadness that’s grown inside of me. And even if that sadness does come back when we’re not around each other, at least it’s gone when I’m with you.”

 

Christen ran her hand through her hair, taking a breath again.

 

“So when I _am_ with you, I don’t want to think about him or think about them together.”

 

She looked down at Tobin with regretful eyes now.

 

“I don’t want to think about everything he ruined.”

 

She ran her hand down her face before her eyes found Tobin’s again. “I just don’t want to think anymore, okay…?”

 

“I’m sorry..” Tobin sat up so they were face to face as Christen was still straddling her, her hand finding the back of Christen’s head to hold her close. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push it and upset you. I just want to make you happy.”

 

“I know.” Christen nodded. “It’s fine. Just… I just want to forget about it, okay? I want to enjoy our night together and get lost in you. I want you to make me feel good and just not think about anything else.”

 

Tobin’s eyes were flitting back and forth between Christen’s as she spoke, trying to convey how sorry she was without using any more words. She didn’t know the right thing to say now anyway.

 

“Can you please just let me get lost in you?” Christen begged again.

 

Tobin let out a long breath and nodded, grabbing Christen’s hips and flipping them over, lowering her down gently until Christen’s back was hitting the mattress.

 

She could see the urgent want in Christen’s face, letting her strong hands find the insides of Christen’s thighs as she spread her legs apart, moving her body down onto Christen again.

 

Willing to do whatever Christen needed to feel good again. Letting her get lost in their pleasure.

 

She was determined to be the only thing on Christen’s mind now, hoping to be good enough for her to forget all the rest and just not hurt anymore.

 

Even if she was ignoring the loud voice of uncertainty in the back of her mind that was screaming at her not to.


	10. Better Together.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not always easy  
> And sometimes life can be deceiving  
> I'll tell you one thing  
> It's always better when we're together
> 
>  
> 
> .

Christen had just shut the light off in her bedroom and tiptoed to her bed, crawling under the covers and pulling them high up to her shoulders when she heard her phone vibrate from where it was plugged in on the nightstand. 

 

It wasn’t overly late, but she had wanted to go to bed early tonight to try and get a good night’s sleep, having been up early for work this morning and knowing the rest of her week was going to be just as busy.

 

She had only worked half-days last week while her parents were in town, and while not being in the office all the time was fine from her boss’s standpoint, she knew the work was piling up quickly. 

 

After a couple weeks filled with adventuring weekends and time off, she had been internally stressing about needing to get back to her diligent working ways, starting this week. 

 

The phone vibrated again as she rolled over to the edge of her mattress and picked it up from the nightstand, glancing at the bright screen that was now illuminating the pitch black room. 

 

_ Incoming call:  _ **_Tobin Heath_ **

 

Christen’s eyebrows scrunched together a little, surprised to see who was calling her at this hour on a weeknight. 

 

They had been texting earlier but Christen knew that Tobin was busy making dinner and then getting Peyton ready for bed, so it had been a couple hours now since they’d sent anything back and forth.

 

It was typical for them to go to bed without any good night texts or calls, especially during the week, so Tobin’s call was definitely unexpected.

 

Christen slid the answer button across the screen of her iPhone just before the call went to voicemail and slowly brought the phone to her ear.

 

“Hello?” She murmured softly.

 

“Hey.” Tobin breathed out in her slow drawl, greeting Christen with no urgency at all. 

 

“Hi.” Christen said again as she snuggled against her pillows, lying flat on her back again.

 

Tobin must have registered the quietness on Christen’s end of the line. “Sorry, were you asleep?”

 

“No.” Christen hummed. “I just shut the lights off and crawled into bed, though.”

 

Tobin sat up to look over at the clock on the stove from where she was sitting in her own living room, making sure she read it correctly before she started to chuckle.

 

“Chris, it’s 8:46…” 

 

Christen smiled into the phone. 

 

“I know, I’m sleepy, okay? I mean, we were up late on Sunday night and then Monday I was so busy and I just feel like I haven’t caught up from when my parents were here.”

 

“Wow.” Tobin pretended to sympathize with her. “...You know something?”

 

“Hmmm?” Christen hummed in response, just waiting to hear what Tobin’s surely sarcastic remark was about to be. 

 

“You’re pretty hot for an old lady.” Tobin teased her then, earning an eye roll from Christen on the other end of the line.

 

“Oh, hush.” Christen countered. “I would like to point out that you’re older than I am.”

 

“Barely.” Tobin grinned, not having a good comeback for that fact. 

 

The line went quiet for a short moment as Christen yawned. 

 

“So.. are you calling for something in particular?” She wondered curiously when she could speak again. 

 

She could just picture Tobin sitting on her couch in some sort of lazy position with her terrible posture, flipping through the tv channels with no urgency at all. Probably bored now that it was past Peyton’s bedtime. 

 

“Maybe I just wanted to hear your voice?” Tobin offered, changing the channel again, just like Christen was imagining.

 

“Okay, well now you have.” Christen grinned until she broke into a soft laugh at her own teasing.

 

“Yeah, you’re right.” Tobin trailed off jokingly. “Guess I can let ya go then…”

 

Neither of them said anything for a few seconds until Christen got impatient. 

 

“Tobin…. What?” Christen pretended to whine, making Tobin laugh a little through the speaker. 

 

“Nothin... Sorry.” She smiled at the sound of Christen’s voice. “Wanna come over?”

 

“When?” Christen asked quietly, looking at the clock on her nightstand again. “..Right now?”

 

“Yes, please.” Tobin answered her softly. 

 

She didn’t see any issues with inviting her over at this late hour.

 

Christen sat up in bed, pushing the baby hairs off her forehead that had come loose from her ponytail after she had washed her face a bit ago.

 

“I just climbed into bed.” Christen repeated what she had already told Tobin. “What would we do right now anyway?”

 

“I don’t know, whatever you want..” Tobin suggested. “Hang out... watch a movie... have sex..?”

 

Christen flopped back down into her pillows as it quickly dawned on her why Tobin was calling.

 

“Tobin Heath. Is this a booty call?”

 

She was smiling into the phone and she just knew Tobin was too. Trying to be smooth about her casual suggestion but failing miserably in the most endearing way. 

 

“What!” Tobin pretended to be surprised by Christen’s accusations. “No way. I would never..”

 

Christen was laughing a little harder at Tobin’s tone. “Yeah, right...”

 

Tobin didn’t say anything for a moment as she laughed along with Christen.

 

“Isn’t Peyton home anyway?” Christen thought then, reminding herself what day it was. “It’s technically a school night, right?”

 

Peyton had her first day of third grade in the morning. It’s all she’d been talking about for the past week. Well, that and her upcoming birthday.

 

“Yeah, but she’s in bed.” Tobin answered her easily. “She’d never even know. It’s not like we’d do it on the couch or anything...”

 

Christen didn’t respond right away, so Tobin continued.

 

“Plus, is it even called a ‘booty call’ when two people have openly stated their feelings for each other?” Tobin questioned then, thinking it over in her own head. “There’s gotta be another name for that, right?”

 

“If you call me and ask me to come over to have sex, yes, it counts as a booty call.” Christen explained. “That’s actually the literal definition, I’m pretty sure.”

 

“I mean… I guess that makes sense.” Tobin gave in and agreed. “But, anyway... that’s not what I’m doing. That was just one of the options of what we could do.”

 

Christen sighed gently, ignoring Tobin’s sarcasm again. “I actually kinda wanted to talk to you about all that...”

 

She and Tobin had a great time together on Sunday night, and outside of those slightly despondent two minutes in bed, everything had been really good. They cuddled all night when they fell asleep and Christen made Tobin breakfast when they got up the next morning, all like it was some sort of usual routine for them. 

 

It felt normal and natural to both of them as they relaxed on the couch and watched the morning rainfall together after breakfast, without any weirdness or hesitation at all; even after taking such a big step together the night before. 

 

But after Tobin left to go pick up Peyton at her sleepover, Christen let herself do a lot of thinking. 

 

When she really thought about it, she realized she probably wasn’t totally ready to be sleeping with someone new yet. Especially not when it was someone she was really starting to care a lot about. 

 

She was really attracted to Tobin and it had been too long since she’d had sex with anyone, and she knew she let that desire sway her into going for it before she knew she was absolutely ready. 

 

Christen didn’t just want Tobin to be there to help fill a void inside of herself. She already meant so much more to her than that. And she definitely didn’t want sleeping with Tobin to become the thing she turned to distract herself when she was upset about other aspects of her life. That wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

 

Christen needed to make sure that wasn’t what she was doing now before it continued any further because there was too big of a risk of messing everything up to be careless with her actions right now. 

 

So as much as she really enjoyed having sex with Tobin, and definitely wanted to do it again, she knew they needed to pump the breaks a bit until she had it all sorted out. 

 

Tobin tried another angle at Christen’s response. “Well, I think you should come over and we can talk, then.” 

 

“Or we could just talk on the phone like we are right now.” Christen suggested instead. “That way I don’t have to get up out of my bed at all.”

 

“Nah, I’m a much better listener in person.” Tobin murmured. 

 

“Well, then you can come over here..” Christen argued as a joke, knowing that wasn’t actually an option with Peyton at home.

 

“I have a seven-year-old sleeping down the hall, Christen.” Tobin pointed out in a teasing tone. “Otherwise I’d already be there.”

 

“Umm... Excuse you.” Christen smiled into the phone again. “That’s two days away from an eight-year-old to you, buddy.”

 

“Oh wow.” Tobin started to laugh quickly, knowing that was Peyton’s doing. “She’s got you trained already, doesn’t she?”

 

“Wrapped right around her little finger.” Christen nodded with a soft laugh. “She’s so sly, I didn’t even realize it until just now.”

 

“It happens to the best of us.” Tobin chuckled again. 

 

They both fell silent as they thought of Peyton then until Tobin let out a long sigh and got them back on track.

 

“Chris, please come over…” She whined just a little. “Maybe I’m just lonely tonight and want to kiss you before I fall asleep? You can spend the night and we can talk, and I promise I’ll give you really good cuddles when we’re done.”

 

“Tobin....” Christen sighed in return, knowing she was getting worn down and trying fight against it. “I don’t think it’s a great idea for Peyton to know we’re spending the night together yet.”

 

“I know, I don’t really either..” Tobin agreed. “But I promise she won’t even know. I’ll get up early and get her ready for school and you can sleep until she gets on the bus. Her room is on the other side of the house, she’ll never know.”

 

“What if she gets up in the middle of the night, though?” Christen countered, knowing it would be easy for that to happen.

 

“She hasn’t done that in, like, three years…” Tobin responded truthfully, trying to rack her brain for the last time Peyton came into her room in the middle of the night.

 

Christen bit her lower lip in thought, not saying anything else for a moment.

 

“Please, Chris…” Tobin repeated in her most charming voice. “I really wanna see you tonight.”

 

If Christen would have been in front of her, she would have actually been batting her eyelashes.  

 

“Ugh. You’re using your pouting face right now aren’t you?”

 

“Yeah!” Tobin smiled. “I’m giving you my best look, you just can’t see it cause you’re not here yet.”

 

“But I’m already in bed in a huge t-shirt. And I have to be up early for work tomorrow and I can’t stay up all night again.” Christen was giving it one last attempt at saying no.

 

“You can wear that over here, I already know what you look like and it’s really cute when you’re all sleepy like that; and you can shower here in the morning and I’ll make you breakfast and coffee before you go.” 

 

Tobin seemed to have a solution to everything.

 

“Ughh!” Christen sighed, dropping the phone to the mattress as she shut her eyes for a moment.

 

Trying to find the willpower to tell Tobin no, and not being able to come up with any at all. 

 

She took a few seconds before she lifted the phone back to her ear to answer Tobin.

 

“You had better cuddle the shit outta me when I get there.”

 

Tobin started to laugh in happy agreement. “I will. I promise.”

 

“I’m talking full-on spooning, both arms around me, a leg between my legs, your face in the back of my neck, hold me all night long, levels of cuddling.” She said again seriously.

 

“For sure. You can even roll over and sleep on me.” Tobin nodded again. “I know you love that position.”

 

There was another long pause as Christen smiled, loving how Tobin knew her weaknesses so well already. And really wanting to cuddle with her so badly right now.

 

“Fine.” She mumbled quietly, pretending she was still not happy about it. “I’ll be there in ten.”

 

She hung up the phone before Tobin could even celebrate on the other end of the line.

 

Christen took a few minutes to throw a dress and a pair of heels into a bag to wear to work in the morning, along with her toothbrush, her makeup bag, and curling iron; before she put a pair of shorts and her flip-flops on and trudged out to her car. 

 

Cursing Tobin’s irresistible charm the whole drive to her house. 

 

Tobin opened the front door slowly just as Christen was about to knock, a dopey grin plastered on her face as she looked at Christen in front of her.

 

“You wear glasses?” Was the first thing out of Christen’s mouth, surprised by Tobin’s appearance after she let her brain process that the door had already opened and she didn’t have to actually knock.

 

“Hi to you, too.” Tobin smiled in response. 

 

Tobin had on thick-framed square glasses with her hair tied in the loosest half bun/pony combo that Christen had ever seen. With a Nike tank top and joggers on, hanging a little baggy on her slim but muscular body. She looked sleepy in such an innocent way like she’d had a long day and was just letting her brain decompress now. 

 

She was somehow pulling the whole look off perfectly though. 

 

Tobin opened the door enough so Christen could step inside, but she didn’t move out of the way, pulling the dark-haired woman into a warm embrace instead. 

 

“Hi.” Christen smiled when she felt Tobin’s arms wrap around her, looking just as sleepy herself as she nuzzled her face into Tobin’s shoulder. They held onto each other for a long moment.

 

Christen lifted her head again then and they both just grinned at each other until she leaned in and kissed Tobin’s lips quickly, stepping past her and into the house once she had.

 

Tobin shut the front door and made sure to lock it and then followed her back towards the living room. 

 

“Let me take your bag from you.” Tobin hummed quietly as she grabbed Christen’s duffle that was hanging off her shoulder, walking it to her bedroom before she came back out to the kitchen.

 

“You never answered my question.” Christen said then as she leaned against the island when Tobin came back into view.

 

“What was your question?” Tobin asked, coming to a stop right in front of Christen with her hands in the pockets of her sweatpants. 

 

“Your glasses.” Christen pointed with a smile. “Are they new? I didn’t know you had them.”

 

“Ohh.” Tobin chuckled, forgetting she had them on and reaching up to take them off slowly. “Nah, I’ve had them for a while, I just don’t wear them that much.”

 

Christen reached up and stopped her hand before she could pull them off her face completely. “No, I like them, don’t take them off.”

 

Tobin just nodded and pushed them back on again.

 

Christen looked at her for a moment as they both stayed quiet, just examining Tobin. Tobin let her look, feeling relaxed under Christen’s gaze and being patient until she spoke.

 

“Is everything okay?” Christen finally asked. Practically in a whisper.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin returned with her own soft tone. “I really did just want to see you tonight... Is everything okay with you?”

 

Christen nodded, almost convincingly, as she pushed herself up off the island and stepped into Tobin for a hug. Tobin wrapped her arms around her waist in return. 

 

“What did you want to talk about?” Tobin questioned after a moment. 

 

Christen’s statement earlier had been making her slightly uneasy for the last half hour but she wanted to be patient on the phone, knowing they’d get around to talking about it eventually.

 

“Ahh, just us, I guess?” Christen answered her. “Nothing bad at all, just, stuff.”

 

“Cool.” Tobin nodded and dropped her arms from around Christen slowly. “Do you care if we do that in bed? Just to relax and be more comfy?”

 

“No, I would like that.” Christen smiled, looking down at herself and her giant t-shirt that she was still wearing from when she climbed out of her own bed a bit ago. “As you can see, I’m well prepared already.”

 

Tobin laughed and grabbed Christen’s hand, leading them towards her bedroom, shutting off the lights in the house as they went. 

 

Christen pulled her shorts down and climbed onto Tobin’s bed in just her t-shirt and underwear, settling against the pillows and watching as Tobin brushed her teeth from the small bathroom sink in her room.

 

Tobin crawled onto the bed when she was done, dropping her glasses on her nightstand before she leaned in on her hands and knees to place a slow kiss to Christen’s lips. Both of them feeling a surge of butterflies at the same time from it. 

 

“Okay, so..” Tobin finally hummed when they pulled back, falling over onto the mattress next to Christen and propping her head up on her fists. “Let’s talk.”

 

“Like I said, it’s nothing bad.” Christen said again, feeling like Tobin was preparing herself for something big. “I’ve just been doing a little bit of thinking since you left my house yesterday morning.”

 

“Whattt?” Tobin teased with a laugh. “That’s pretty surprising, coming from you.”

 

“Shhh.” Christen smirked, swatting Tobin’s shoulder gently. 

 

“Are you regretting that we had sex?” Tobin guessed then, getting more serious. 

 

“No.” Christen shook her head. “Of course I don’t regret it.”

 

Tobin just looked at her a little skeptically so Christen spoke again.

 

“I’m pretty sure you could tell how much I liked it, Tobin…”

 

Tobin thought it over for a second, remembering Christen’s reactions to the way she touched her and then smiled more believably. “Okay, so you don’t regret it, that’s a good thing.”

 

“Yeah, I just..” Christen paused, trying to think of the best way to describe her feelings on the subject. “I just don’t want to end up hurting you.”

 

Tobin looked at her quizzically for a moment. “Well, why do you think you’re going to?”

 

“Because I know I haven’t completely let go of my past and no matter what I do, I let it cloud my thoughts and my judgment sometimes.”

 

Christen took a breath and looked over at Tobin. “It’s just nice to feel wanted, you know?”

 

“Yeah, it is.” Tobin nodded, knowing exactly what Christen meant by that.

 

“After everything went down with my ex and the breakup, I felt so unwanted and unworthy of anyone. I still do, a lot of the time. But when I’m with you, I’m starting to feel like maybe I’m worth something to someone again.”

 

“You are, Christen.” Tobin whispered. “Of course you are.”

 

Christen gave her a half smile and continued. 

 

“When I thought about having sex with you the other night, it excited me and I knew it was because of how I feel about you. And things were great and I really enjoyed being with you a lot. But then one small conversation, that I know you didn’t even mean to happen, totally turned it from being about me and you - to me hiding from something and using you as a way to escape my thoughts and feelings.”

 

“I’m really sorry about that.” Tobin let her eyes drop to the mattress, thinking of how she brought up Christen’s ex without realizing what she was doing.

 

“But see, that’s the thing.” Christen reached out and grabbed Tobin’s hand to stop her apology. “I don’t want you to be sorry about it. You didn’t do anything wrong..”

 

She ran her free hand over her hair and then spoke again, trying to find the right words. 

 

“What I’m trying to say is that I really care about you, Tobin and I have developed real feelings for you. And I want to make sure that every time we are alone together and being intimate, it’s  _ only _ because of our feelings for each other and not because I’m trying to patch up the hurt from my past by feeling wanted and desired by someone else.”

 

“That makes sense.” Tobin agreed, relaxing a little now that she knew where Christen was coming from. 

 

“So I think it’s probably best if we wait for a while, so I can know for sure that I’m only being with you for the right reasons.” Christen finished. “Because sex complicates things.”

 

Tobin looked at her to make sure she was done before she started in on everything she had been thinking about.

 

“You know, I actually thought a lot about it after I left your house, too. And if you need time, then that’s okay, I’m totally willing to go at your pace.” Tobin agreed with a nod. “And you’re right, sex  _ can _ complicate things, for sure...”

 

Tobin shrugged then, almost laughing humorlessly. 

 

“But Chris, things are already complicated... You’ve got a shitty relationship and a broken heart to get over, and I’ve got a dead best friend and a kid to raise. That’s what life is, it’s complicated and messy and hard as hell.”

 

Christen opened her mouth to say something but Tobin just continued. 

 

“I’m a big girl, and I know what I’m getting myself into.. You don’t need to feel like you’re deceiving me or using me in any way. I’m not under any impression that I’m just going to fix you and you’ll magically be okay and never be sad again. I know that’s not how life works.”

 

Christen swallowed, a little surprised by Tobin’s extensive thoughts on everything, listening as the brunette kept going.

 

“So you know what I think? I think that we deserve to enjoy the good things while we have them. If you and I enjoy spending time together or having sex with each other or falling asleep next to each other, then we should do those things. Even if they don’t mean anything serious for us. Because who even knows what’s going to happen tomorrow?” 

 

Tobin finally looked up at Christen. Knowing better than anyone that everything in life can change in the blink of an eye. 

 

“Chris, all I really want is for us to take this day by day. I really like you and if we make each other happy today, then that’s all that really matters.”

 

Christen bit her lip, letting Tobin’s words sink in as she nodded in agreement.

 

“If two days or two weeks or two months from now, we no longer do that for each other, then we can figure out why that is and change how we do things or stop hanging out. But until that happens, I’m going to be here to hold you up, even when you have sad days or bad days. Because God knows I have them too. Not everything in life has to be perfect and unmessy. We’re all just trying to get by..”

 

Christen was looking at Tobin, unsure of what to say, so she just squeezed her hand a little tighter as she let Tobin’s words sink in fully. 

 

“And you know what else?” Tobin asked then, waiting for Christen to respond.

 

“Hmmm?” 

 

“Nobody said we couldn’t have orgasms while we try and heal ourselves.” Tobin smiled slyly then. “Sometimes sex can just be sex because we’re attracted to each other and want to do it.”

 

“Yeah, that’s true.” Christen nodded as they held eye contact, suddenly feeling much better about the whole situation again. 

 

She peered at Tobin for a moment before she softened completely, staring into Tobin’s eyes.

 

“Tobs...” Christen wondered with a smile. “How the heck do you do that?”

 

“Do what?” Tobin asked with an amused look.

 

“Make me feel so special while also so being so casual about it?” Christen pointed out. “You do it all the time and I’m pretty sure you aren’t even aware of it.”

 

“I don’t know..” Tobin laughed. “I like you and I guess I just like to simplify things as much as possible.”

 

“Yeah, I can tell.” Christen grinned. “It’s really refreshing, actually.”

 

“Good.” Tobin winked at her. “Seriously though, just talk to me, okay? If you are feeling uneasy about something or don’t like how we’re progressing, then just tell me. I spend enough time every day trying to figure out how an almost-eight-year-old thinks and operates, so I’d rather you and I just actually talk about things. Everything. Good, bad, funny, indifferent… Just talk to me.”

 

“Yeah, I can do that.” Christen nodded. 

 

“Cool.” Tobin smiled. 

 

“So maybe sex doesn’t have to be completely off the table?” Christen shrugged then, after all that. “Maybe it can just happen as we see fit?”

 

They both laughed at the fact that Christen needed them to agree upon their current stance on the subject. 

 

“One day at a time, Christen.” Tobin repeated easily. “No pressure, okay? If tomorrow you feel like you’re just  _ dying _ to have sex with me again, I won’t hold this conversation against you...”

 

Tobin waited for Christen to nod again and then rolled over off the bed, getting up to shut her bedroom light off while Christen readjusted to get under the covers; holding them up so Tobin could crawl under them too when she got back to her bed. 

 

Tobin grinned deviously and moved on top of Christen once she was under the blankets, lying down on her and nuzzling her face into Christen’s neck with a big smile.

 

“Hey…” Christen pretended to whine at their positioning. “This is _so_ not what we agreed upon before I came over here.”

 

Tobin laughed softly but didn’t move, burying her face deeper into Christen with her full weight resting on top of the dark-haired woman. 

 

“This was your plan all along, wasn’t it?” Christen whispered, hugging Tobin into herself. “Tricked me to get me over here and everything so I could be the one to hold you.”

 

Tobin lifted her head and gave Christen the cutest, dopiest grin and nodded. Blinking slowly and using her soft brown eyes to make Christen weak enough not to protest.

 

“Night, Chris.” Tobin drawled out slowly, kissing Christen’s lips again and then snuggling her face back into Christen’s neck.

 

Christen sighed and ran her hands under Tobin’s t-shirt to rub her back. Knowing Tobin was the one who actually needed the cuddles tonight.

 

“Night, Tobin.”

 

At some point in the night, they readjusted, because when Tobin’s alarm went off she opened her eyes from where she was snuggled in behind Christen, both of them spooning on their sides like Christen had originally hoped for when they went to sleep. 

 

Christen stirred a little before Tobin could get her arm out from underneath her to shut her alarm off, but she rolled over and fell back asleep quickly as Tobin climbed out of bed, making her way to the kitchen to have a cup of coffee before she woke Peyton up for school. 

 

Tobin and Peyton went through their morning routine, making sure the kid was showered and dressed and stuffed full of her favorite banana pancakes before Tobin walked her to the bus stop just down the street.

 

When she got back to the house, she shuffled back to her room and sat down on her bed, smiling down at Christen who was still sleeping easily on Tobin’s pillow. 

 

So much for her early start at work this morning.

 

Tobin reached out and brushed her flyaways off her forehead. “Chris..” She hummed softly.

 

“Hmm?” Christen murmured into the pillow. Slightly awake but not yet willing to open her eyes. 

 

“I’m guessing you probably want to get up and get going?” Tobin whispered. “It’s just after 7:30.”

 

Christen groaned and rolled over onto her back to look up at Tobin. “Already? Damnit.”

 

“Sorry, beautiful.” Tobin smiled. “I’ll get a new pot of coffee made while you’re in the shower.”

 

Christen sat up to get her bearings about her and then nodded. “Okay.”

 

She had a sleepy look on her face and her eyes were still a little droopy, making Tobin laugh as she leaned in and kissed her forehead. 

 

“Did Peyton get on the bus okay?” Christen wondered. 

 

“Yep, all excited and everything.” Tobin nodded. “Why do you think I’m so awake already? She was rambling on a mile a minute during breakfast.”

 

Christen laughed, being able to picture that so easily. 

 

“She wanted me to tell you to have a good day at work.” Tobin said then, grinning a little guiltily. 

 

“Did you tell her I was here?” Christen questioned. 

 

She wasn’t mad but she was a little surprised since they had specifically talked about not letting Peyton know they were spending the night together yet. 

 

“She saw your shoes in the entryway.” Tobin shrugged. “I didn’t want to lie when she asked me whose they were.”

 

Christen nodded, knowing Tobin always told her the truth anyway.

 

“Then she said she could tell you were here cause ‘I’m always happier when you’re around and I really smiled  _ so much _ this morning’.” Tobin laughed as she shook her head, imitating Peyton’s voice surprisingly well.

 

“Oh my gosh.” Christen laughed too. “She’s so sweet. I hope she has a great day, too.”

 

“I’m sure she will, she loves school.” Tobin nodded. “How about you jump in the shower and I’ll start round two of pancakes? Do you want banana or chocolate chip?”

 

Christen raised her eyebrows and Tobin laughed. “Wait, let me guess, banana chocolate chip?”

 

“Yes, please.” Christen grinned happily. 

 

She pushed herself up and kissed Tobin’s cheek quickly, crawling past her and heading for the shower. 

 

A half-hour later, Christen came walking out of Tobin’s bedroom with a decently tight black dressed on, with her hair dried and parted on the side of her head. She hadn’t done her makeup yet but she was half-ready for work.

 

Tobin looked up from where she was flipping pancakes on the stove and let her jaw drop a little. 

“Seriously?” Tobin almost choked. 

 

“What?” Christen asked honestly.

 

“You look..” Tobin let her eyes roam up and down Christen slowly. “Do you always look this good just to go to work?”

 

Christen smiled. “This is typical work attire, yeah.”

 

Tobin just grinned and nodded, turning back around to focus on not burning breakfast before she was too distracted. Christen poured herself a cup of coffee and then nuzzled up behind Tobin for a moment.

 

“These smell amazing.” She hummed into Tobin’s shoulder.

 

“I’ll give you some of them if you give me a kiss.” Tobin bargained, spinning around so she was facing Christen, pinned against her and the countertop behind her.

 

“Hmmm..” Christen thought on it, leaning in so slowly that Tobin could smell the toothpaste on her breath before they made contact. 

 

Tobin chuckled at Christen's stalling tactics and leaned the rest of the way in, catching Christen’s lips gently with her own. They stood there and kissed for a long moment as Tobin’s hands found Christen’s hips, holding her body close. 

 

Tobin was about to open her mouth more to deepen the kiss when her phone started to ring on the kitchen island, pulling them out of their moment. Her eyebrows raised a little in surprise when she pulled back and realized it was her phone that was the one ringing.

 

“Who would that be this early?” Tobin wondered out loud. 

 

Christen stepped back and let her go look, focusing on the pancakes to give Tobin some privacy. 

 

Tobin picked up her phone and looked back at Christen. “It’s the school..” She murmured in surprise again. 

 

She answered the call, walking out of the kitchen and back towards her bedroom as she did, so she was out of Christen’s earshot. A minute later, Tobin came back in as Christen was plating the pancakes from the pan so they wouldn’t burn. 

 

“Ah, so I guess I’ve gotta run up there..” Tobin mentioned with concern in her voice. “Apparently something happened with Peyton on the bus..”

 

Christen’s stomach sank, letting a bunch of different bad thoughts run through her mind quickly. 

 

“Is she okay?” She asked hurriedly. 

 

“Yeah... I mean, I think so..” Tobin nodded without being totally sure herself. “She’s in the principal's office though. The secretary didn’t have any details but said I had to go up there and meet with them right now.”

 

“Okay..” Christen nodded, looking down at the plate full of pancakes in her hands and knowing she wasn’t quite put together for work yet to leave immediately. 

 

Tobin walked back to her bedroom without another word, changing into a nicer t-shirt and fixing her ponytail a little bit, so it didn’t completely look like she rolled right out of bed and went out in public. She then came back out to the kitchen where Christen was still practically frozen in place. 

 

“Stay and finish up as long as you want.” Tobin said then, realizing the dilemma on Christen’s face. “I made you lunch when I made Peyton’s this morning, it’s in the fridge, so don’t forget to grab it before you go. Just leave the door unlocked behind you, it’s no big deal.”

 

“Seriously?” Christen’s heart melted a little at that gesture. “Thank you, Tobs.”

 

She put the plate of pancakes down and then quickly walked to where Tobin was standing. “Will you text me when you know she’s okay? I don’t want to worry all morning.”

 

“Yeah, I will.” Tobin nodded, pulling Christen into a hug. “Sorry to have to rush out like this. I loved having you here this morning and last night.”

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Christen waved her off. “I really loved being here too.”

 

Christen placed her hands on both sides of Tobin’s cheeks and kissed her sweetly for a brief moment before she stepped back. “I’ll talk to you in a little while?”

 

“Yes.” Tobin nodded, leaning back in to steal another kiss. “Have a good day at work.”

 

She picked up her keys from the small table in the entryway and gave Christen a quick wave, striding out the front door and hopping into her truck.

 

Her knee bounced the whole drive to the school, nervous and unsure of what she was walking into. Peyton never got in trouble and she was used to riding the bus last year, so Tobin had no idea what could have happened in the forty-five minutes it’d been since the kid left the house.

 

Tobin walked into the school office, forcing herself to smile at the overly cheery secretary and introducing herself. 

 

She was ushered into a small office a couple minutes later, sitting down in one of those hard wooden chairs with the old faded padding, adjusting herself to get comfortable as she waited impatiently. 

 

After a bit, the door opened and a half-balding man came in, who Tobin recognized as Principal Matthews.

 

“Tobin, hi there.” The guy said, shaking Tobin’s hand as he shut the door to his office. 

 

“Hey.” Tobin greeted back trying to be polite. “Is everything okay?”

 

“For the most part, yes.” Principal Matthews nodded. “There was an incident on the bus with Peyton and Nick Leon. Seems like they had a fight and the boy ended up with a bloody nose from it.”

 

Tobin’s head shook surprisingly as she processed what she had just heard. “He had a bloody nose from Peyton, you’re saying?”

 

There was no way Tobin believed that. Peyton was one of the most affectionate children she’d ever known. She never had issues with other children and she certainly didn’t go around punching other kids.

 

“That’s what the bus driver said.” Principal Matthews nodded. “I wanted to get the full story from you, so I was hoping you could talk to her first before we decide if either child was in the wrong or if this is just a misunderstanding.”

 

“Alright...” Tobin agreed, still confused about what was going on.

 

“Peyton is waiting in the office across the way.” He pointed out. “You can go in there and talk to her now, if you want.”

 

Tobin stood back up quickly, following where Principal Matthews was pointing and pushing the door open slowly.

 

Peyton was sitting in another uncomfortable wooden chair with her head down, her shoulders bobbing softly up and down like she was crying. The room was completely silent except for her ragged breathing. 

 

Tobin shut the door softly and that got Peyton’s attention, lifting her head to see who came into the room.

 

“Toby!” The kid jumped up quickly and moved towards Tobin, wrapping her arms around Tobin’s shoulders as soon as she knelt down.

 

“Hey bud, are you okay?” Tobin wondered softly, holding onto Peyton tightly so she wasn’t scared anymore.

 

Tobin stood up with Peyton in her arms and moved over to the chair so she could sit down, holding Peyton on her lap so they could see eye to eye easily. 

 

“What happened, PJ?” Tobin questioned in a gentle tone. “Did something happen on the bus?”

 

Peyton just nodded truthfully, her head still hanging low without making eye contact with Tobin.

 

“Did you punch Nick Leon like Mr. Matthews said you did?” Tobin asked again, still not believing that it could have happened.

 

Peyton nodded her head yes again. 

 

“Hey, look at me, will you?” Tobin soothed out, cupping Peyton’s little chin with her hand.

 

Peyton’s eyes were red from crying when she looked up and they locked eyes. 

 

“It’s okay.” Tobin hummed running a hand over her hair. “Can you tell me what happened?”

 

A new round of tears formed in Peyton’s eyes again as she spoke with a small voice. “Nicky was being mean to me and laughing at me on the bus ride.”

 

“About what?” Tobin wondered, having no clue what could have been bad enough to warrant this type of reaction. 

 

“He said I’m all alone cause I don’t have a mommy or a daddy.” Peyton said then, a few tears falling down her red and puffy cheeks again. “He laughed at me and said I didn’t have any parents anymore and he was trying to get the other kids to laugh at me too.”

 

Tobin’s heart shattered instantly. She ran her thumb over Peyton’s cheek to wipe away the tears as best she could.

 

“And you punched him when he said that?” Tobin questioned, thinking of what she had already been told. 

 

“Yes.” Peyton said then, looking at Tobin with worried eyes like she knew she was in trouble. “I didn’t want him to laugh at me anymore. He was hurting my feelings.”

 

Tobin nodded and cleared her throat, trying to hold back tears of her own as she thought about Peyton being teased.

 

“Well did you punch him as hard as you could?” She asked the child then.

 

Peyton sniffled and nodded once. “Yeah, right in the nose.”

 

“Good job.” Tobin tried to smile, the sadness written in her eyes. “Did you hurt your hand at all?”

 

Peyton shook her head no, looking at her right hand that she had obviously used to jack the kid in the face with. She held it up for Tobin to show her that it was okay. 

 

“It doesn’t hurt anymore.” Peyton promised innocently.

 

“Good.” Tobin nodded. “Don’t do that again, okay?”

 

“Okay.” Peyton nodded, already knowing right from wrong and knowing she couldn’t hit other kids. 

 

Tobin pulled Peyton in close to her chest again and sighed.

 

“Listen to me, okay? You’re not alone.” Tobin said then, rubbing the kid’s back softly. “Don’t ever, ever think that, okay?”

 

Peyton nodded her head in response. Tobin could feel a pool of tears lightly wetting her chest on her t-shirt, knowing Peyton was crying harder then. 

 

“You have me.” Tobin started. “I’m your family and I will be here for you forever, no matter what. I’ll never leave you alone. So many people love you so much, PJ.”

 

“You have Auntie Kelley and Auntie Mana, and Auntie Alex and Uncle Servando. And Sam and Rosie and all of our family. Grandpa Jeff and Grandma Cindy. We all love you so much and we will always be here for you.”

 

Peyton looked up at her again, trusting Tobin’s words easily, knowing she would never lie to her. 

 

“And Christen?” Peyton wondered then, knowing Tobin left out one important person.

 

Tobin smiled, agreeing with Peyton no matter what.

 

“Yeah, and Christen. She loves you too, bud.”

 

“I love her too.” Peyton said simply. “She makes me and you happy when she comes over.”

 

Now it was Tobin’s turn to just nod her head, unable to say anything to that. It was the truth.

 

“Am I gonna be in trouble?” Peyton asked then, knowing there were surely consequences to her actions.

 

“Not by me you’re not.” Tobin shrugged. “I’ll talk to Principal Matthews and see what he says.”

 

“Sorry...” Peyton mumbled, letting her head drop again. 

 

“I know you are.” Tobin said. “And Nick is wrong and he should be sorry too.”

 

“Okay.” Peyton agreed. 

 

They sat there in silence for a few minutes, Tobin rubbing Peyton’s back to comfort her until she wasn’t crying anymore.

 

Tobin then got up and walked back out towards the Principal's office. They talked for several minutes and she explained the whole situation to him, just as Peyton had told it to her.

 

Nick’s mom was also there and she was just as apologetic. Their family lived down the street from Tobin and Peyton and the kids played together sometimes, so this was seemingly out of the blue from him. 

 

After all three adults talked it over, they let the kids apologize to each other without any further consequences from the school, as long as it didn’t happen again.

 

“Do you wanna skip the rest of the day and come home?” Tobin asked then, knowing she’d let Peyton if she was too sad to be at school today.

 

“No!” Peyton started to panic right away about having to miss the rest of the first day. “I wanna see my friends in class, please I don’t wanna go home!”

 

Tobin calmed her protests quickly. “Okay, bud, you can stay, I was just making sure.”

 

Tobin walked Peyton to Mrs. Lee’s class and bent down to give Peyton a hug before she went inside the room.

 

“I love you.” Tobin spoke quietly, running her hand over Peyton’s curly hair. “Never forget that, okay?”

 

“Okay.” Peyton nodded. “Love you too.”

 

Tobin watched from the doorway as the child walked into her class and found her seat next to her best friend Lana, giving Peyton a small wave before she walked down the hallway and towards the parking lot. 

 

She climbed into her truck and broke down as soon as she had the door closed, letting her forehead rest against the steering wheel as the tears started to stream down her face. 

 

Letting Peyton’s words replay over and over in her mind. Her heart breaking again because of them. Because of what Peyton had to go through on the bus this morning.

 

Tobin half wiped her face and started her truck, driving through town slowly as the wetness kept running down her cheeks. 

 

She just couldn’t stop crying. 

 

She parked at the beach and pulled her wetsuit on over her sports bra and grabbed her surfboard from the back of her truck, wiping her eyes again as she walked barefoot through the warm sand until she broke into a sprint. Running towards the water. 

 

_ He said I’m all alone _

 

She couldn’t get that one sentence out of her mind. Hearing Peyton’s broken, sorrow-filled words in her mind easily, as she paddled out into the water until she was far enough away from the beach to not be seen by anyone. 

 

Her sobs coming faster and faster the more she thought about it.

 

_ He was trying to get the other kids to laugh at me too _

 

How could somebody be so cruel to someone as sweet and innocent as little Peyton?

 

Tobin didn’t even realize she was screaming into the abyss until her throat cracked from going hoarse. It was like she had blacked out for a moment, getting completely lost in her emotions. Letting all of her frustrations out at once.

 

“Why did you leave me here alone?” Tobin cried, yelling out to the ocean like someone would be there to answer her. “Why did you have to die? I need you here and you’re just gone!”

 

She took a few deep breaths, watching her tears fall onto her surfboard in front of her.

 

“I can’t do this without you. I’m so mad at you for leaving us.”

 

She was thinking of the way she and her best friend would always sit in the water on their boards and talk about the best and worst parts of life after every afternoon surf session. 

 

Wishing so badly that she had her there now. For Peyton and for herself. 

 

“It’s not fair.” She sobbed. “It’s not fair.”

 

She bent over and rested her forehead on her board, calming herself down enough until she was just speaking in a whisper to nobody. Praying Jessie could hear her from wherever she was. 

 

Heaven or the water or the sky. 

 

Hoping for some sort of sign that everything would be okay.

 

“I don’t think I can do this alone.” Tobin whispered, almost like a plea to no one.

 

Crying until she couldn’t cry anymore.

 

She kept her eyes closed until her tears dried completely, only lifting her head from her board when the ache in her forehead became too much to bear.

 

She had no idea how long she had been out there but judging by the angle that the sun was shining down on her from, it had to have been a while. 

 

The crying had taken absolutely everything out of her. She suddenly felt like she was going to faint from how exhausted she felt.

 

Tobin paddled back to shore slowly, leaving her defeat and emotions behind her in the water to settle. 

 

Like she always did every time life became too much to handle. 

 

Pushing her sadness back down and starting fresh again as soon as she reached the sand.

 

It was the only option she had. She was in this no matter what. Peyton needed her to be.

 

Tobin tossed her board into the back of her truck again and peeled her wetsuit down her body, climbing into the driver’s seat without caring that the cloth fabric would get wet. She just wanted to go home.

 

She started her truck and picked up her phone in the cup holder to check it, seeing a text that had been waiting for her from over an hour ago. 

 

From the one person who was slowly changing Tobin’s outlook on everything. The one person who Peyton now loved. The one person who seemingly showed up out of nowhere at just the right time.

 

{Christen Press 11:21AM}:  **_Hope everything is okay with PJ. I’m here if you need me._ **

 

Tobin let out one long breath when she read it. 

 

Maybe, just maybe, she wasn’t completely alone.


	11. Constellations.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was just another night  
> With a sunset and a moonrise not so far behind  
> To give us just enough light to lay down underneath the stars  
> Listen to all the translations of the stories across the sky  
> We drew our own constellations
> 
>  
> 
> .

Christen pulled her sunglasses off of her eyes as she reached up to knock on the front door of Tobin’s house, stepping back just enough after a few loud raps rang out against it, to announce her arrival.

 

She bounced up onto her toes once in excitement, smoothing out a small wrinkle in her flowy sundress as she waited for the door to open. Feeling like she needed to busy herself instead of just standing there like a normal person.

 

She didn’t think she was nervous but she could feel a few jitters in her hands anyway, shaking them quickly to settle herself.

 

Luckily she didn’t have much time to stew on the thoughts of her nerves before she heard the door unlock from the inside.

 

The door cracked open a bit and Christen was met with Kelley’s face staring back at her, a huge grin plastered on it already as she swung the door open further.

 

“Hey, Christen!” The freckled woman beamed, stepping to the side to invite Christen into Tobin’s house.

 

“Hey, Kelley!” Christen returned just as cheerfully as she stepped past Kelley and into the entryway.

 

Before they could say anything else to each other, Christen registered two feet bounding across the hardwood floors in a quick scurry, both of them watching as Peyton came barreling around the corner from the kitchen. Her brown eyes lit up in excitement and her curly hair flopping in a bun on top of her head.

 

“Oh my gosh!” She blurted out in a slightly dramatic tone, coming to a stop in front of Christen and Kelley with her mouth half open, her eyes fixated on Christen directly. “You look _so_ _pretty_ like a princess!” She clapped her hands together as she said it like she just couldn't believe it.

 

Kelley started to laugh as Christen practically blushed, looking down at her dress and strappy sandals again. She was done up enough to go out for the night, but her outfit wasn’t overly fancy or anything.

 

“Thanks, cutie.” Christen smiled at the child. “You look pretty too, I like your shirt.”

 

Peyton smiled and walked the last few steps towards Christen, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the kitchen quickly. “I’m making a picture for Auntie Kelley, wanna see it?”

 

“You bet I do.” Christen nodded, grinning over her shoulder back at Kelley as she followed Peyton without question.

 

Kelley shut the front door again and followed them both to the kitchen table where Peyton had all of her new art supplies spread out. There were various watercolor paints and a bowl full of water to clean her brushes with sitting in front of her chair. And a bunch of already painted on pieces of paper laid out to dry up on the granite countertop of the kitchen island.

 

Peyton was using the new painting set that she had gotten her for her Eighth birthday. It was the one gift she had basically been obsessed with since Christen gave it to her when she was over for her birthday party last Saturday afternoon.

 

Tobin knew it was more about who gave it to her, rather than about how much Peyton liked painting, but it had been keeping the child busy after her homework was done all week, so she wasn’t complaining at all.

 

It was actually pretty endearing to her, how much Peyton adored everything that had to do with Christen. Christen was so damn soft, and wonderful, and lovely to be around that Tobin understood it completely. She was basically becoming the same way.

 

“Look, that’s me and Toby and Kelley.” Peyton said excitedly as she pointed out her current masterpiece to Christen.

 

“Oh my gosh.” Christen smiled at her, still holding Peyton’s hand even though the child was sitting in her chair again. “Is that you surfing those big waves?”

 

It was a guess based on the _not great_ quality of the artwork, but it was a correct guess all the same. And it certainly wasn't that bad for a now-eight-year-old.

 

“Yeah!” Peyton smiled as she described her work in more detail. “I’m surfing the biggest wave right here, and Toby is just watching me from over there where there isn’t any waves.”

 

Kelley started to chuckle again as she sat down in her chair at the table too.

 

“Yeah, that’s usually how it goes, doesn’t it, Squirt?” Kelley teased about Tobin, even though she wasn’t in the room to defend herself. “Tobin watches us shred from the shallow water.”

 

Peyton just nodded like Kelley was telling the truth, finally letting go of Christen’s hand and dipping her paintbrush into a darker blue color to continue her work.

 

“What do I do?” Tobin hummed in question as she came out of her bedroom at the mention of her name.

 

“You suck at surfing.” Kelley answered her sarcastically as she picked up her paintbrush too.

 

Christen turned around to look at Tobin when she heard her voice, both of them grinning at each other when they locked eyes.

 

Tobin had just finished getting ready for the night ahead. She had a black henley on that dipped low on her chest with the buttons undone, and a pair of tight jeans on that had holes in the knees. Her hair was blow dried nicely and she had a little bit of eye makeup on, too.

 

It was probably the most done-up Christen had ever seen her. Tobin could usually pull off that no-effort look so easily, but she was making this look work really well too.

 

Neither Tobin nor Christen even registered Kelley’s comment as they checked each other out, momentarily forgetting about the two people sitting at the table right behind them.

 

“Hi..” Tobin murmured softly to Christen, with a happy smirk on her face.

 

“Hey, you.” Christen returned, with an almost shy smile of her own.

 

Christen took a couple steps towards her slowly as Tobin stepped into her at the same time, kissing Christen’s cheek quickly before remembering that Peyton was sitting in their direct line of vision.

 

Christen gave Tobin’s hip a quick squeeze and then turned back around to look at the table again as Tobin stood beside her, placing a hand on the small of Christen’s back affectionately.

 

“How many paintings are you gonna do tonight, PJ?” Tobin wondered then, noticing that Peyton was concentrating hard on her artwork, thankful that she hadn’t seen their moment of endearment.  

 

“A lot.” Peyton answered her without looking up. “Auntie Kelley said we can order pizza and then we are going to paint a sunset to hang up in my bedroom. It’s gonna be really big!”

 

“Awesome.” Tobin grinned at her. “I can’t wait to see it.”

 

“Are you gonna see it before bedtime?” Peyton wondered then, looking up at Tobin again and cocking her head in question.

 

“Ah, probably not, bud.” Tobin answered her truthfully. “I think you’ll probably be sleeping already when we get home. But I’ll see it before I leave tomorrow, for sure.”

 

Tobin and Christen were going out tonight, for their first official date together; before Tobin left for Portugal tomorrow afternoon for a surfing competition.  

 

Last weekend, Christen had hung around to help clean up after Peyton’s birthday party, and before she left for the night, she forced herself to ask Tobin if she could take her out.

 

She felt like Tobin was always doing things for her, basically since the night they’d met, and she wanted to be the one to take charge for once. So after Peyton went to bed, and in between makeout sessions on the couch, Christen worked up the nerve to ask Tobin out on a real, actual date.

 

Just the two of them, with Christen doing all the planning.

 

Tobin was more than happy to agree, and she made sure to secure her babysitter, one Kelley O’Hara, even before Christen went home that night.

 

They both had been really looking forward to it all week.

 

“How come I can’t come with?” Peyton asked then, setting her paintbrush back down and looking at Tobin for an answer. Her voice on the verge of becoming a whine.

 

The kid had tried to ask this question twice already this afternoon but Tobin was able to distract her by changing the subject both times. She knew she wasn’t going to be as lucky the third time.

 

Christen looked over at Tobin then too, unsure of how to answer Peyton’s question, and offering no help in the matter.

 

“Ah, cause..” Tobin shrugged like it was no big deal. “We’re just doing boring grown-up stuff and getting dinner and you wouldn’t have any fun anyway.”

 

“Yeah, huh!” Peyton said then, determined to not let it go that easily. “I really like it when we go out to eat, remember?”

 

Kelley was looking between all three of them, seeing the slight worry on Christen’s face and the struggle on Tobin’s face before she stepped in.

 

“I asked Tobin if I could hang out with you tonight though, Munchkin.” Kelley smiled, ruffling Peyton’s hair from the chair next to hers. “I haven’t gotten any one-on-one time with you for a while. I promise, pizza and painting will be so much more fun than boring grown-up stuff with those two...”

 

Peyton looked over at Kelley and then her eyes slowly shifted back to Tobin and then over to Christen. Like she was analyzing the situation and determining whether to agree with that or not.

 

She was clearly skeptical of what was happening, her face scrunched up like she was being tricked, but not understanding fully what could be going on.

 

“And we’re gonna go get ice cream after they leave.” Kelley whispered loudly for added effect before Peyton said anything else.

 

Peyton’s eyes drifted back to Kelley at that, the excitement evident on her face right away. Ice cream was clearly enough to distract her again.

 

“Really?” Peyton smiled in question. “Okay, I really like ice cream! The super chocolatey kind is my favorite.”

 

Tobin let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding, making a mental note to figure out how to explain this situation to Peyton before too long, as she looked over at Christen.

 

“You about ready to go then, Chris?”

 

“Yeah.” Christen smiled, looking just as relieved as Tobin did that Peyton had let them off the hook. “I’m ready when you are.”

 

Tobin rounded the table to where Peyton was sitting and leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

 

“PJ, you’re in charge, okay?” Tobin smiled as Peyton turned her head upside down to look up at Tobin behind her. “I love you. Have fun with Kelley.”

 

Peyton nodded as Kelley and Christen laughed. Tobin then ruffled Kelley’s hair a little too.

 

“Be good, Kel.” She smiled. “Thanks again, dude.”

 

“Hope your dinner isn’t too boring.” Kelley winked at Christen and then gave Tobin a pointed look. “Be home before curfew.”

 

Tobin glared back at her as she grabbed her phone and then her wallet. She pulled out two twenties from it and dropped them on the counter for the pizza and ice cream and then smiled at Christen like she was ready to go.

 

“See ya later, Miss Peyton.” Christen waved to say goodbye to the child.

 

“Wait!” Peyton’s head snapped up as if she had forgotten that Christen was leaving too.

 

She jumped down from her chair and then ran towards Christen, hugging her waist tightly for a moment before she let go. “Bye!” She smiled up at her before skipping back to the table just as quickly.

 

Tobin just shook her head and reached for Christen’s hand, pulling them towards the door as Christen giggled. That kid sure was something.

 

They made their way out the front door and down the driveway to Christen’s car. Hopping into it with the late afternoon sun shining directly on them with the top of her Mini Cooper down.

 

“Okay.. so.” Christen turned to look over at Tobin as she put her keys in the ignition.

 

“Hi again, by the way.” Tobin interrupted her thought, leaning over the center console and searching for Christen’s lips, now that they were alone.

 

“Hi.” Christen grinned, leaning in too and placing a quick kiss to Tobin’s lips, at her request.

 

“Sorry.” Tobin laughed when they pulled back. “You were saying?”

 

“I was just going to say..” Christen smirked. “I’m sure you’ve already done what we’re gonna do tonight, probably already on a date with someone else, so I’m sorry if it’s not fun or if it’s not what you had in mind. But just know, I tried my best...”

 

“Chris..” Tobin stopped her, reaching out for Christen’s hand that was resting on the gear shifter. “We could literally be going to your house to lay on the couch all night and I’d be more than happy with it. I just wanna spend time with you.”

 

Christen grinned at that. Tobin just had a way of easing her mind and it was so refreshing to be around her.

 

“Well, you look way too good to just be going to my house, so we’re gonna go out and about.”

 

“You also look gorgeous.” Tobin chuckled. “You’re seriously so hot... I’m lucky I get to go on a date with you at all. I totally wanna show you off tonight.”

 

Christen eyed Tobin up and down again like she had done in the house a few minutes ago. “I’m really excited for this.”

 

“Me too.” Tobin beamed at her.

 

They held eye contact for a moment until Tobin leaned over again, kissing Christen slower this time. Feeling her own nerves ramp up a little from it. She couldn’t wait to see what Christen had in store for them for the night.

 

Tobin buckled her seatbelt then while Christen pulled up their destination on her phone and then put her seatbelt on too. Tobin tried to look and see where they were headed but Christen angled the phone away from her again.

 

“No looking yet..” Christen scolded playfully. “I want this to be a little bit of a surprise.”

 

“Oohhh. Okay, eyes on you.“ Tobin winked. “Got it.”

 

Christen nodded and finally started her car, turning around enough to back out of the driveway and trying not to blush as she felt Tobin’s heavy stare and teasing grin directed right at her.

 

She made herself focus enough so she wouldn’t be distracted as she drove, turning her Bluetooth on over the car speakers for directions.

 

“What are we listening to?” Tobin wondered as they got down the road a little ways.

 

She reached for the radio dial and turned it up enough to hear the music that was coming through the speakers.

 

Christen had an oldies playlist from her iPhone playing, which she usually rocked out to when she drove around town. It reminded her of her Mom and Dad and made her smile whenever a song she knew from when she was a kid came on.

 

They drove in silence for a minute as Tobin bobbed her head to the current song, smiling happily as they cruised slowly past the bar that they met at that night, heading out of town on the palm tree-lined, two-lane highway.

 

“I don’t know what this song is, but it's really catchy.” Tobin commented a little loudly over the music so Christen could hear her.

 

“What!” Christen almost slammed on her breaks in surprise. “You don’t know Fleetwood Mac?”

 

Her jaw dropped a little as she looked over at Tobin. Contemplating whether to pull over and jokingly kick her out of her car immediately.

 

Tobin just started to laugh, putting her hands up in defense.

 

“I mean I’ve obviously heard of them..” She chuckled at Christen’s dramatics. “I don’t know all of their stuff though…”

 

 _Dreams_ by Fleetwood Mac, one of Christen’s all-time favorite songs, was humming out of the speakers in a perfect harmony. Bringing her back to the warm summer evenings she’d spent growing up in LA. Cruising with her dad in his old Ford Capri up over Mulholland Drive, pretending like they were 1970’s movie stars with the windows down and the breeze in their hair.

 

It was one of her favorite memories, ever.

 

“This isn’t just any of their stuff.” Christen explained with a light-hearted smile. “This is the ultimate.”

 

Tobin looked over and locked eyes with Christen for a moment before Christen refocused on the road.

 

“Let me teach you about Fleetwood Mac, darling.” Christen smiled wickedly.

 

She turned the radio way up then so Tobin could experience the song in all of its perfect glory. Singing along softly without being able to wipe the big smile off of her face.

 

_Like a heartbeat drives you mad_

_In the stillness of remembering what you had_

_And what you lost and what you had and what you lost_

  


Tobin just watched her in awe, falling so hard for Christen in that moment.

 

Feeling like she might now love Fleetwood Mac more than any other band she’s ever heard before.

 

Christen’s California smile and her California eyes and all of her effortless California beauty, setting Tobin on fire so easily. She’d never met anyone like Christen Press before.

 

Christen sang every word perfectly and Tobin beamed at her proudly the whole time, until the song ended. Much too quickly for Tobin’s liking.

 

Christen turned the radio down again and looked over at Tobin, smiling with her tongue between her teeth; secretly loving the way Tobin wouldn’t stop watching her.

 

“I’m into it.” Tobin conceded after a beat. “It’s really good.”

 

She had no idea if it was the song or just the person playing it for her.

 

“Yeah?” Christen wondered hopefully.

 

“Definitely.”

 

Christen just grinned and reached out for Tobin’s hand, lacing their fingers together as they fell silent again, holding hands with them resting on top of Christen’s thigh for the rest of the drive.

 

It was another twenty minutes until they were coming up to another town, slowing down as the speed limit dropped once they got within the limits.  

 

“Hanalei?” Tobin looked over at Christen again, raising one eyebrow in intrigue, knowing exactly where they were. “Hmmm..”

 

“Yep.” Christen nodded, taking a turn onto a side street when the GPS told her to and driving down a couple blocks before finding a parking space to pull into.

 

There were a lot of people out and about on this Friday night, roaming the small streets of the popular tourist town in every direction.

 

“I’m trying to remember what is going on here tonight.” Tobin thought out loud as she tried to piece together Christen’s plan for them.

 

There was always something fun to do here. It was the biggest town on the island.

 

Tobin looked around down the street and then it clicked in her mind when she saw a banner hanging across the road in the distance. “Oh! The Fall Festival and Art Walk?”

 

“Yeah.” Christen nodded. “I figured it’d be a good way to start, at least?”

 

She had seen the advertisements for it around for a few weeks. There would be food trucks and live music and art booths, to celebrate the changing of seasons; even if that change wasn’t all that noticeable on this tropical island.

 

Plus, Christen had been wanting to see more of this cute little town anyway.

 

“Cool.” Tobin grinned. “This sounds great.”

 

They hopped out of the car and made their way down the street to where the road was blocked off, so vendors and food trucks could be set up without being in the way of traffic.

 

“Do I get to hold your hand on this date?” Tobin questioned as they walked side by side, giving Christen a hopeful look and her best smile, as if trying to persuade her.

 

“Only if you want to.” Christen shrugged her shoulders casually.

 

Tobin didn’t hesitate, reaching down and grabbing Christen’s hand without breaking her stride.

 

“Of course I want to.”

 

Christen gave her hand a tight squeeze, smiling happily in response.

 

“So, are you hungry now or do you wanna wait for a bit?” Christen asked after they had checked out a few photography booths, coming up on the row of food trucks that were lined up.  

 

“I could eat.” Tobin nodded. “Whatever you wanna do.”

 

“I’ve been eyeing that Poke truck since we got here.” Christen admitted. “Do you like that?”

 

“I love it.” Tobin grinned. “It’s actually a rule that if you live in Hawaii, you have to love Poke.”

 

“Oh really?” Christen played along. “Interesting. What other rules are there?”

 

They made their way to stand in line for the food truck as Tobin answered her.

 

“Surfing is the other requirement.” She explained. “Everyone in Kauai has to know how to surf.”

 

Christen bit the inside of her lip, trying to stifle a smile. “Hmm, guess I better move then.”

 

“Okay well, just hold on now..” Tobin started to laugh. “All we have to do is teach you. We’ll work on it.. you don’t have to abandon us already.”

 

“It’s not gonna happen.” Christen shook her head playfully. “I promise you, I’ll never get it. I’m just not cut out for that kind of activity.”

 

This wasn’t the first time that Tobin had tried to get Christen to agree to a surfing lesson with her, but the dark-haired woman wasn’t budging.

 

“How dare you doubt my teaching skills.” Tobin pretended to scoff as they took another step forward in line. “Now that I know what you like, I'm sure I can find a way to motivate you.”

 

“What could you possibly do for me that would be worth it?” Christen pushed a little further.

 

Tobin leaned in over her shoulder, her lips ghosting right over Christen’s ear as she started to whisper.

 

“I”m willing to make it sexual motivation.” She husked. “Rewards for progress and everything…”

 

Before she could finish her thought the man working the food truck leaned over the counter to get their attention with a wave. “What can I get for you two?”

 

Christen felt herself blush as Tobin cleared her throat, both of them stepping up to place their orders.

 

Christen paid for their food and they ate their poke bowls as they mosied down the street, stopping to watch an older guy play the ukulele while sharing bites of food with each other as they observed.

 

When they were done eating, Tobin took their trash to one of the garbage cans and then she was right back to holding Christen’s hand as they continued on their way.

 

Once they got past all the art booths, it basically just turned into a farmers market, with various fresh Hawaiian flowers and freshly picked produce lining the tables on both sides of the streets. The last of the summer crop that needed to be sold before it turned bad.

 

Christen bought a whole pineapple to take home, even though Tobin teased her that she could find that anywhere on the island; and they both got some shave ice too, after Tobin promised it was a Hawaiian specialty.

 

It only took them a couple hours before they had seen every booth and eaten enough to be full before Christen made another suggestion.

 

“I wanna walk back to that booth that was selling the blankets and buy one and then I thought maybe we could walk over to the beach and watch the sunset?”

 

The beach on Hanalei Bay was only two blocks over and Christen had been wanting to check it out, along with the pier there, thinking they could find a place in the sand to relax for a while afterward.

 

“Ahhh, this beach?..” Tobin asked as she went a little quieter at that idea.

 

“Yeah, I mean it’s only across the road, right?” Christen made sure they were currently located where she thought they were.

 

“Well yeah, but there are other beaches on the way back home too...” Tobin suggested instead. Her tone wasn’t argumentative, but she was clearly not that into Christen’s plan.

 

“I know, but this way we can just walk?” Christen pointed out again, a little confused now about Tobin’s hesitation.

 

“Yeah, true, I guess..” Tobin mumbled.

 

“Doesn’t that sound kinda nice? I was hoping maybe you wanted to cuddle up a little bit?” Christen looked at her eagerly. “Maybe we could even kiss a little?” She winked playfully.

 

Tobin nodded slowly with no choice but to give in. “Alright, yeah...”

 

Christen couldn’t place it but Tobin’s response seemed weird all the sudden. Before she let herself overthink it, she looped her arm through Tobin’s and led them back down the road again.

 

They stopped and bought the blanket Christen wanted and then walked towards the Pier first, taking in the views as the sun was starting to set.

 

The long wooden-planked dock jutted out into the water a ways and was mostly vacant as they walked down it slowly; looking out towards the green, lush covered mountains on the other side of the bay.

 

It was one of the most beautiful sites that Christen had seen since moving here.

 

“I still can’t get over the fact that this is home now.” Christen murmured when they got to the end. They were now standing under the wooden roof that covered the very end of the pier. “Like, we live in paradise. These views are insane.”

 

Christen waved her arm out over the water in front of them to convey her point.

 

“Yeah, it’s crazy.” Tobin nodded in agreement, barely offering anything further than that.

 

She was looking out over the water to her left instead, focusing hard on the waves and not paying much attention to what Christen was pointing at in front of them.

 

Christen looked over at her for a moment, noticing how distracted Tobin seemed, and starting to feel a little thrown off by her sudden change in behavior since they finished dinner.

 

She was once again hoping it was just her imagination, ignoring her negative thoughts in favor of stepping into Tobin and wrapping her arms around Tobin’s shoulders. Tobin finally turned her head at that and made eye contact as Christen leaned in slowly, giving Tobin a soft kiss. Feeling Tobin’s hands grip her waist gently.

 

“I’m glad you’re here with me tonight.” Christen murmured against Tobin’s lips.

 

“Yeah, of course.” Tobin half-smiled a little too seriously as she nodded and then released her hold on Christen.

 

Christen felt like she had to let go of Tobin then too as the brunette turned back to look at the water again.

 

“Tobin…” Christen whispered, trying to catch her attention after a moment.

 

“Hmm?”

 

She didn’t turn her head in acknowledgment this time.

 

“Are you okay?” Christen wondered with more urgency in her tone.

 

“What?... Yeah.” Tobin nodded softly. It was quiet for a minute as they stood there, until Tobin finally snapped out of it, turning to look at Christen again. “Sorry, I’m fine.”

 

Christen had been fumbling with her hands almost nervously now; unsure of how to act with Tobin’s sudden shift in demeanor. Tobin noticed her uneasiness then and grabbed onto Christen’s hands, giving her a soft and apologetic look as she did.

 

“Did I do something wrong?” Christen asked in a confused whisper.

 

“No..” Tobin shook her head quickly, pulling Christen into her body again. “No, of course not.”

 

“Then why do I feel like I did?” Christen asked her honestly. “I feel like you’re upset all of the sudden.”

 

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Tobin whispered, leaning in and kissing Christen’s head, breathing in the scent of her shampoo for a moment and trying to let it relax her. “Sorry, it’s just…”

 

She stopped herself and hugged Christen tightly, dropping her face into Christen’s neck for a moment.

 

“Talk to me.” Christen pleaded as she ran her hands up and down Tobin’s back. “What’s going on all the sudden?”

 

Tobin pressed a soft kiss to Christen’s neck, mostly trying to comfort herself before she lifted her head to look into Christen’s eyes again.

 

“This beach is just where…” Tobin started to explain before her words got trapped in her throat a little.

 

Christen’s eyebrows knit together as she was trying to understand where Tobin was going with this.

 

“This is.. ahh..” Tobin ran a hand over the back of her neck awkwardly and tried again. “This is where the accident was. I haven’t been back here since, and I guess it’s just kind of messing with my mind right now... I’m sorry, Chris.”

 

“The accident…?” Christen started to think out loud.

 

She was almost about to ask Tobin what she was talking about until it dawned on her.

 

Jessie’s accident.  

 

“ _Oh.. no…_ ” Her heart sank immediately.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin nodded, releasing one arm from around Christen and pointing to their left again. “Over there on the very end of the sand is where they pulled her to shore..”

 

Christen didn’t know what to say. She could not have picked a worse first date location.

 

“I am  _so sorry_ , Tobin. I can’t believe I did this to you tonight.”

 

“No, no, no…” Tobin whispered, pulling her in tighter to her body again, humming into her hair right by her ear. “Please don’t be... It’s alright, this is good for me.”

 

“No, I never would have suggested we come up here if I knew.” Christen’s voice was wavering in a slight panic now. “Oh my gosh, I’m such an idiot.”

 

“Hey, no you’re not.” Tobin shook her head. “You didn’t know... It’s okay, Chris, I promise.”

 

Christen put both hands on Tobin’s cheeks and looked into her eyes, trying to make sure she was alright. Tobin shut her eyes and leaned in a little, kissing Christen’s lips softly and then resting her forehead against Christen’s for a few seconds, trying to steady herself.

 

“I need to work on this anyway.” Tobin said when she pulled back. “This is a good first step.”

 

“We can leave if you want..” Christen murmured, unsure of what else to offer. “I’ll take us wherever you want to go.”

 

“No.” Tobin shook her head again, more sternly this time. “I can’t keep hiding from this. I’ve avoided it for too long and now look at me.”

 

Christen nodded her head and just stood there, waiting for Tobin to make a move.

 

“Would you care if we walked down there?” Tobin questioned softly. “We have that blanket to use and everything. Let’s not waste this sunset because of me, I still want cuddles and kisses...”

 

She was trying to lighten up the mood again since she was the one who had dampened it a few minutes ago. Christen had just been suggesting what she thought would be fun, she had no ill intentions behind this. Tobin wanted to make sure Christen knew she knew that.

 

“We can do whatever you want.” Christen nodded, grabbing both of Tobin’s hands in front of her and bringing them up to her lips to kiss them quickly.

 

“How about we have a fire on the beach?” Tobin suggested. “I know you’re gonna get cold as soon as it’s dark. We can cuddle up and let it keep us warm.”

 

“That sounds perfect.” Christen gave Tobin a small, guilt-ridden smile.

 

“Chris..” Tobin hummed again, knowing Christen still felt terrible. “It’s okay, I promise. I’m glad you’re here with me. You’re helping.”

 

“Okay.” Christen nodded, leaning in close as Tobin wrapped her arm around Christen's shoulders, as they started to walk down the pier again.

 

They picked out a spot on the closer end of the beach, away from where Tobin had pointed to earlier and set their stuff down. Tobin then gathered some driftwood from the long grass at the edge of the sidewalk and then made small talk with a couple other people who were also having a fire on the beach, borrowing their lighter so she could get a fire of her own lit for them.

 

Christen laid out the blanket she purchased and propped her pineapple up in front of it like she wanted to keep an eye on it, making Tobin laugh a little as she dug a small hole and put the kindling in it.

 

“You’re so rugged and outdoorsy and it’s really sexy…” Christen commented as she watched Tobin arrange the driftwood. Loving how she stuck her tongue out of her mouth as she concentrated really hard.  

 

Tobin looked up at Christen to make eye contact, grinning sensually, before she refocused on her task without commenting, shaking her head in amusement instead.

 

She had a fire going nicely within a few minutes, returning the lighter to the other group and then settling onto the blanket behind Christen where she was already sitting.

 

“Hi..” Christen leaned back into her as soon as Tobin sat down, resting her head against Tobin’s chest behind her.

 

“Hi.” Tobin smiled, wrapping her arm around Christen’s midsection and pulling her body as close as possible until she was practically sitting in Tobin’s lap.

 

Christen kissed the underside of Tobin’s jaw a couple times until Tobin angled her head enough that she could reach her lips.

 

“Are you doing okay?” Christen wondered after they shared a few kisses, trying to gauge Tobin’s emotions now that they were sitting on the beach.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Tobin assured her.

 

She buried her nose in Christen’s hair again, letting Christen’s fragrance calm her as they sat in silence for a moment.

 

“Will you tell me about her?” Christen murmured then, looking up at Tobin with encouraging eyes, hoping she wasn’t overstepping her boundaries with that question.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin grinned gently then, nodding her head a little. “I would like to.”

 

The fire cracked a few times in front of them before Tobin kissed Christen’s temple and then moved around her, crawling up the blanket towards the fire and adding another small piece of driftwood to keep it going.

 

She then laid back onto her elbows when she was done, basically falling into Christen until she was resting her head in Christen’s lap.

 

Christen adjusted enough so it was comfortable for both of them, running a few fingers through Tobin’s hair to soothe her.

 

“You two would have gotten along so well.” Tobin spoke softly then like she had been thinking about it for a minute, letting her eyes drift upwards until they found Christen’s above her. “You would have had a lot of fun together. She was honestly the funniest person I’ve ever met. Not in a goofy way, just in, like, a really quick-witted way.”

 

Christen grinned down at her, silently encouraging Tobin to keep going.

 

“I can just hear her now…” Tobin chuckled a little to herself at the thought of her best friend.

 

“She would’ve noticed quickly how much I like you. Jessie was always so good at reading me. She would have picked up on it the first time she saw me around you, but she would have sat on that observation. She was always so patient in letting me work out my feelings for myself, without trying to sway me one way or another. So she wouldn’t have said a single word to me about how obvious my feelings for you were, until I finally got around to admitting it to her for myself.”

 

Christen was still threading her fingers through Tobin’s hair, massaging her head softly as she listened.

 

“And I know me... I would have brought you up so casually to her and tried to play it off like it was no big deal and then Jessie would have looked at me right in the eyes and said something like _‘well, she’d be good for you, so try not to screw it up...’_...And then I’d tell her I’m going to try my hardest not to.”

 

Tobin smiled again. “And the best part about all of it is how she would have believed in me without a second thought. She always did.”

 

Christen swallowed a little. “She’s got nothing to worry about... I feel like I’m the one who keeps almost messing this up.”

 

“No, you don’t.” Tobin shook her head back and forth in Christen’s lap. “I wish you could see how awesome you are. You make everything a little better when you’re around. You aren’t messing anything up.”

 

Christen smiled softly at Tobin again. “Well, I wish I could have met her. Anyone who’s your best friend has to be pretty great.”

 

“She was.” Tobin agreed. “She was so hilarious and she was loyal but also stubborn as hell. I would always come up with these ideas that’d get us into some sort of trouble and then she would take the fall for both of us like I never did anything wrong. Even though it was usually my fault.”

 

“Were you a troublemaker, Tobin Heath?” Christen questioned with a small laugh.

 

That was a little hard for Christen to imagine, since Tobin was so caring and so genuinely sweet now.

 

“Maybe a little bit.” Tobin chuckled. “Mostly just the good kind of trouble, though.”

 

“That’s kind of hot to think about.” Christen marveled teasingly.

 

“One time when we were in ninth grade, she slept over at my house and we snuck out after curfew. We climbed out of my basement bedroom window and ran over to the school by my house and climbed up on the roof, just so we could look at the stars. It was the only place high enough around where we could see them clearly. We stayed up there for a while, feeling all cool like we were doing something wild, you know how you are as freshman... So then when we were climbing back down, a police car just happened to be driving by and the cop saw Jessie jump down from the side of the building, so he flashed his big flood light at her.”

 

“Uh oh..” Christen giggled as she listened to Tobin’s story.

 

“She told me to duck because I hadn’t started to climb down yet, and she didn’t want me to get caught; and then outta nowhere, she took off running as fast as she could. The policeman jumped out of his car and took off running after her but she made it into the woods before he could catch up. She knew the back way to my house and since the cop was distracted with her, I was able to jump down too and just casually take the sidewalk back home. She somehow made it back to my house without getting caught and we both met up in my driveway like it was the most normal thing. Until we laughed our heads off at the thrill of it all.”

 

“You two sound like quite the pair.” Christen laughed again. “Now I really wanna see what fifteen-year-old Tobin looks like.”

 

“I’ll show you sometime.” Tobin grinned. “I’ve got tons of embarrassing pictures at home.”

 

“I’d really like that.” Christen smiled.

 

They went quiet again as Tobin chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment. Christen let her think, not pushing anything now.

 

“I don’t really know why, but I’ve been having such a hard time with it all again lately.” Tobin spoke after a minute of being lost in her thoughts. “Ever since the bus thing with Peyton, it’s been like a fresh wound all over again.”

 

Tobin had ended up telling Christen the whole story about Peyton getting in the fight on the bus, and also about her reaction to it afterward. But Tobin had been pretending that she was fine since that night.

 

“Well when you think about it, outside of just missing her as a person, what part of it upsets you most now?” Christen questioned, hoping maybe if they talked it out, Tobin could start the healing process again.

 

Tobin bit her bottom lip for a long moment, clearly giving Christen’s question some real thought before she answered.

 

“I think I’m worried that Peyton is going to forget about her and also that I’m not gonna be able to be enough for Peyton.” Tobin finally answered. Letting herself be completely vulnerable in front of Christen.

 

“It scares me so much to think about Peyton ever getting to a point where she doesn’t think about her mom every day. Like last weekend at her birthday party, I just couldn’t get it outta my mind. The older she gets, the more she just gets used to Jessie not being here anymore. I hate that.”

 

Christen nodded and ran her hand down Tobin’s face, cupping her chin upside down and letting her thumb rub a soft patter across Tobin’s cheekbone.

 

“All you can do is keep doing what you’re doing, Tobs.” She murmured. “You do such an amazing job of talking about Jessie to Peyton. You just have to keep doing it. Keep telling her all of her Mom’s favorite things. Keep pointing it out when she reminds you of Jessie. She won’t forget if you don’t let her, I promise.”

 

“Yeah, that’s true.” Tobin agreed quietly. “I don’t know.. I just hope I’m being enough for her. I hate to think about her ever feeling like she is alone, because she’s not.”

 

“You are enough.” Christen reassured her. “She adores you and she looks up to you so much. You’re amazing with her and it makes me like you even more when I see you take care of her.”

 

Tobin smiled and then let out a soft sigh. “I’m trying my best.”

 

“That’s all you can do.” Christen shrugged. “There is no perfect way to handle this situation. And I meant it when I said I was here if you needed me. Whenever you need to talk or vent or laugh at something ridiculous, I’m here for you. No matter what we are or what we end up being.”

 

“Thanks, Chris.” Tobin nodded and then looked up at Christen again.

 

“Come down here, will you?” She moved her head off of Christen’s lap and then scooted to the side of the blanket so Christen could lay down too.

 

Tobin found Christen’s hand as they laid side by side on their backs, staring up at the dark night sky, seeing all the stars that were out now that the sun had completely set.

 

“I’ve always loved looking at the stars. Probably since that night we didn’t get caught on the roof. I don’t know why, but they make me feel alive.”

 

Christen turned her head and looked over at Tobin. “Yeah, I know what you mean. They remind me of you now.”

 

Christen was thinking back to the night they met. Thinking about how the first thing they ever did together was watch the sky be this brilliant, awe-inspiring thing. Looking up into the sky at night felt a little more special to her now.

 

Tobin laughed softly and propped herself up on her elbow, turning on her side towards Christen.

 

“Can I kiss you?” She asked softly. “We need to at least make out a little so this actually feels like a date again, instead of just a pity party for me.”

 

“You don’t have to ask.” Christen responded, reaching up to slide a hand behind Tobin’s neck. “I’d love to make out with you. And this hasn’t been a pity party. I want to learn these things about you. It’s important to me. You’re important to me.”

 

Tobin was leaning in slowly, stopping herself just before their lips met. “You’re important to me too.” She hummed.

 

Christen lifted her head then, capturing Tobin’s lips with hers, both of them forgetting about their worries and struggles for a little bit, in order to just enjoy each other.

 

They kissed for a while as their small fire burned out before Tobin couldn’t ignore her tired yawns anymore; finally giving in to Christen’s offer to drive them home. As much as she had enjoyed being alone with Christen, the emotions of the night had clearly drained her a little more than normal.

 

They made sure the fire was completely out and then walked back to Christen’s car that was still parked a couple blocks away, driving back to Tobin’s house in relative silence; with Fleetwood Mac playing again softly in the background. Feeling so comfortable with each other now.

 

They pulled into Tobin’s driveway a half hour later and Christen cut the lights, shutting her car off to walk Tobin to the door.

 

“So you’re back next Sunday?” Christen asked as they slowly made it up the walkway to the door, coming to a stop outside of Tobin’s house.

 

“Sunday night, pretty late.” Tobin confirmed.

 

The Women’s Surfing League Championship Tour had a competition this upcoming week in Cascais, Portugal that started on Wednesday. Tobin was flying out there with a few other Pro’s who were local to Hawaii, so they could have a couple days to practice before the competition started.

 

“I hope you win.” Christen smiled genuinely. “I bet you’re gonna.”

 

Tobin started to laugh. “I hope so too. It’s gonna be tough, though. Most people don't win back to back.”

 

Tobin’s hands found Christen’s ribs and she pulled her in close.

 

“So… I will talk to you when you get back then?” Christen questioned a little hesitantly. Looking down at the ground in between them.

 

“I don’t know if you’ve heard of these things called cell phones?” Tobin teased in return. “It's this cool device that allows you to call and text and even send pictures to other people, no matter where you’re at in the world…”

 

Christen rolled her eyes at Tobin’s sarcasm.

 

“So I will use my cell phone to contact you while I’m gone.” Tobin finished her thought. “We don’t have to not talk just because I’m outta town.”

 

Christen just shrugged. “Okay, I just didn’t want to assume anything. I know you usually like your surfing trips to be the time that you get to let go and have fun with people.”

 

Tobin’s face softened as she waited for Christen to look up again.

 

“Christen, whatever I used to do on surf trips, that was before I met you.” She explained.

 

“Tobin.. you’re allowed to do whatever you want.” Christen returned. “You don’t belong to me.”

 

Tobin let out a little bit of a frustrated sigh. “Okay, don’t do that...”

 

“Don't do what?” Christen asked, even though she already knew what Tobin meant.

 

“Don’t doubt my feelings for you. We just had this great night and now you’re saying goodbye like you’re not even sure if I actually like you or not. I promise I have no interest in anyone else right now...”

 

“Sorry. I know…” Christen held eye contact before she sighed herself. “It’s just kind of a bad habit I've gotten into, I guess.”

 

Tobin felt bad then. Of course Christen would think bad thoughts about this. Her ex cheating on her every time she left town didn’t exactly leave Christen with the utmost confidence in situations like these.

 

“It’s okay, don’t be sorry.” Tobin wrapped her arms around Christen’s shoulders then and pulled her into a tight hug. “I like you and I’m totally fine with proving that to you every day.”

 

“Thank you for being so understanding.” Christen rested her chin on Tobin’s shoulder as they embraced tightly. “I’m gonna miss you this week.”

 

“I’m gonna miss you too.” Tobin reassured her. “But you can stay here tonight if you want?”

 

Christen pulled back and looked at Tobin again. “That’s okay. As much as I’d love to be selfish and do that, I think I better let Peyton have you in the morning. She needs her Tobin time, too.”

 

“I know for a fact that we would both love it if you were here with us.” Tobin gave her a small smile. “But I get it, and I can be patient.”

 

Christen leaned in and pecked Tobin’s lips once.

 

“Go win your competition and then come back to us.” She murmured against Tobin’s lips. “We can celebrate once you do.”

 

Tobin laughed and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, hoping Christen meant celebrating in a _fun_ way. “I’ll give it my best shot.”

 

“Good.” Christen hummed, cupping Tobin’s jaw with her hand as they kissed a few more times.

 

“Thanks for a great first date.” Tobin breathed.

 

“Anytime.” Christen nodded as she stepped back a little, starting to back up down the sidewalk. “Be safe, I’ll talk to you soon.”

 

Tobin took another step forward and grabbed Christen again, kissing her one last time for the night.

 

“Talk to you soon.” She nodded. “Night, Chris.”

 

Christen spun around and walked to her car slowly, waving to Tobin again as she backed out of the driveway.

 

Tobin let herself smile as she turned to head for the door, once Christen was out of sight. Even if the night hadn’t gone exactly how she would have guessed it would, she already felt that much closer to Christen.

 

For once wishing that she didn’t have to leave tomorrow.

 

Christen was changing everything.


	12. Little Bit of Love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really what I'm trying to say  
> Is I need you  
> And every little bit of love  
> You give me too
> 
>  
> 
> .

Christen crouched down to pet Gus as she poured some food into his bowl on the porch, giving the old cat some much-needed attention after not seeing him around for the past couple days.

 

“You hungry, buddy?” Christen asked, feeling the cat’s soft purrs under her hand, noticing he seemed a little skinnier than usual.

 

She spent a couple minutes with him, rubbing his belly when he rolled over onto his back before she stood up again, unlocking her front door and stepping inside, leaving the cat to enjoy his dinner.

 

It was mid-evening by now and she had just gotten home from work, having spent a couple extra hours at the office tonight. Finally feeling like she was catching up again from the seemingly never-ending pile of paperwork that was always on her desk.

 

Tobin being gone for the last week certainly helped her regain her focus and she was finally starting to feel like she had a good handle on her new job. Now she just had to keep it that way.

 

She let the screen door shut quietly behind her once she was inside, toeing off her heels before she dropped her purse and made her way towards her bedroom to change out of her work clothes.

 

She threw on an old Chadwick School sweatshirt and a pair of cotton shorts and then made her way to the kitchen, opening the fridge and leaning down to take a look. Trying to find something to make for dinner that wouldn’t require too much prep work.

 

Christen stared blankly into the half-empty fridge for a minute, racking her brain on what she could throw together with the limited amount of groceries she currently had when she heard her phone ring from where it was still tucked inside of her purse in the entryway.

 

She let out a huff and let the fridge close again, deciding she’d come back to it once she found out who was calling.

 

She made her way to her purse and dug through it, finding her iPhone after a few seconds, glancing at the screen before it stopped ringing.

 

 _Incoming Call:_ **_Tobin Heath_ **

 

“Hi...” Christen smiled as she spoke into the phone, having quickly slid the answer button across the screen to pick up the call.

 

These phone calls had sorta becoming a nightly thing for them while Tobin was gone, but it was earlier than normal for her to be calling tonight.

 

“Hey, Chris.” Tobin returned, sounding more than a little worn out right from the get-go.

 

Tobin had just stepped outside her own front door, onto her front porch, on the other end of the line; sitting down on the concrete steps while she tried to compose herself.

 

Christen made her way back towards the kitchen with the phone pressed to her ear.

 

“What are you up to?” She wondered as she pulled a cupboard open, seeing what food she had stashed in there.

 

“Ah, nothing..” Tobin answered her slowly. “Are you busy right now?”

 

Christen shut the cupboard again, leaning against the countertop now when Tobin’s tone didn’t change.

 

“I just got home from work.” She murmured. “I was just about to make myself something for dinner. I’m kinda starving, it was a long day.”

 

“Oh, gotcha. Sorry to interrupt.” Tobin breathed into the phone. She was running her fingertip over a line in the cement, feeling the bumps of the uneven surface under the pad of her pointer finger.

 

“You’re not interrupting.” Christen shook her head. She could sense the tiredness in Tobin’s voice, making her wonder if something was wrong. “Is everything okay?”

 

Tobin let out a soft sigh, lifting her hand from the ground and running it through her hair slowly.

 

Her mind flashed back to where she had just left Peyton a moment ago; sitting at the kitchen table with tears streaming down her face. The kid’s head hung low in a frustrated cry.  

 

“Ahh, yeah, just...” Tobin shrugged, swallowing a lump in her throat. “We’re not having a very good night over here.”

 

She was being honest with Christen, and even though it was hard for her to do, she felt like she needed to ask for help tonight.

 

“What’s going on?” Christen asked softly, falling silent so Tobin could respond.

 

“Peyton’s upset, and I guess I’m more than a little frustrated.” Tobin started. “She had a bunch of math homework that she didn’t do while I was gone and her teacher called me this afternoon about it. So I’m trying to get her to do it tonight, but she’s just not getting it.”

 

Tobin cleared her throat before she finished her explanation.

 

“I keep trying to walk her through it but she’s confused and she just keeps telling me she doesn’t understand. And now she’s crying at the kitchen table and she told me to leave her alone. I don’t really know what to do. I’ve explained it to her the only way I know how…”

 

“Oh, no.” Christen frowned at that, hating to hear that Tobin and Peyton were both unhappy tonight. “What can I do to help?”

 

Tobin let out a soft breath. Thankful in an instant that Christen was so open and willing to be there for her. To be there for both of them.

 

“I don’t really know, I guess.” Tobin murmured. “I figured I’d just call you and let you talk me down for a minute. You seem to be pretty good at that so far.”

 

That made Christen smile just a little, feeling important enough to be the one who Tobin called now when she needed something. She didn’t have to let her in like this.

 

“I’m glad you did.” Christen returned. “You said it’s math that’s giving you guys trouble tonight?”

 

“Yeah.” Tobin confirmed. “She has all these fraction worksheets that she needs to get done, but I probably got a little too frustrated in trying to explain it and now she’s mad at me and she doesn’t want my help anymore.”

 

“Huh… well, math can be tricky.” Christen offered without judgment.

 

She used to have to work harder than everyone else on that subject too.

 

“Yeah, for sure..” Tobin agreed and then went silent for a moment before she continued. ”It’s always been hard for her and I don’t want her to fall any further behind already, this early in the school year.”

 

Christen nodded into the phone in understanding. “Should I come over?”

 

Tobin relaxed a little bit at Christen’s offer, hoping she wasn’t overstepping on this and grateful that Christen offered before she had to ask.

 

“Would that be too much to ask tonight? I know you’re busy with work but you’re really smart and you’re so good with her that I think you might be a big help. I could make us dinner while you give it a shot...”

 

“Of course it’s not too much.” Christen assured her softly. “Give me like five minutes and I’ll head over. I can’t leave you two fending for yourselves all night.”

 

“You’re the best.” Tobin sighed softly. “Plus, I honestly think we could both just use a little Christen time tonight. It was a long week without you.”

 

“I know, it was a long week for me too.” Christen smiled happily into the phone again. “I’ll see you in a few.”

 

They hung up the phone call and Tobin ran a hand down her face, taking a deep breath as she started back up the front porch steps, feeling more optimistic than she had all night.  

 

She made her way back into the house and rounded the corner towards the kitchen, finding a now unoccupied kitchen table, still covered in homework. Peyton no longer sitting where she had been a few minutes ago when Tobin gave up and went outside to calm down.

 

Tobin glanced down the hallway and could tell Peyton’s bedroom door was closed, letting out another sigh as she made her way towards it, flipping on the hallway light when she got there.

 

She was just about to knock when she glanced down and saw a piece of paper sitting on the ground in front of the door, giant kid-like handwriting and a few tear stains covering the white sheet.

 

She bent down to pick it up, reading the note slowly once she stood back up.

 

_I am angry at you and I am not talking to you today or tomorrow_

_P.S all day_

_P.S.S I still love you_

 

Tobin didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

 

It was so classic Peyton. Mad and stubborn yet still so loving, all at the same time. Just like her mom had always been.

 

Tobin read it again, leaning back against the wall across from Peyton’s bedroom door and clutching the piece of paper to her chest as she let her eyes shut. Thinking over an array of memories for several minutes, until she heard a car door shut from outside the quiet house.

 

Tobin took a breath and pushed herself back up from against the wall, moving towards the door again. She hopped down the front porch to the sidewalk, greeting Christen with a reserved smile as the green-eyed woman walked towards the house.

 

Christen gave her a small smile in return, her heart softening at how defeated Tobin looked tonight. She didn’t say anything for a moment, instead just stepping into the brunette for an intimate hug.

 

Tobin had gotten back late last night from Portugal and neither Peyton nor Tobin had seen Christen since before the trip. Ten days was too long for any of their likings, Christen’s included. They could both feel the effects of their time apart now, enjoy the hug more than they even thought they would.

 

“Thank you.” Tobin whispered first, angling her head up just a bit so she could kiss Christen’s forehead.

 

“Of course. I’m happy to be here.” Christen whispered back truthfully. “I missed you.”

 

“I missed you too.”

 

Christen placed a soft kiss to Tobin’s lips, making them both smile as they let go of each other.

 

Tobin then held up the note in her right hand to show Christen.

 

She read it and then glanced back up to meet Tobin’s eyes, covering her mouth to stifle a smile. Tobin finally laughed a little too, completely understanding Christen’s reaction to it.

 

“That’s kind of adorable.” Christen spoke as she put her hand to her heart. “She’s too sweet.”

 

“I know.” Tobin nodded. “Even when she’s not trying to be. She can’t help it.”

 

“Where did you find that?” Christen wondered.

 

“In front of her bedroom door. She must have slid it under the crack after she wrote it.” Tobin guessed. “She wasn’t at the table anymore when I got off the phone with you.”

 

“Hmmm.” Christen frowned slightly, definitely not wanting to overstep with her next question. “Should I go in there?”

 

“Yeah, if you want to.” Tobin encouraged her. “I’m gonna give her some space cause that’s how we operate best when she’s mad at me, but I know she’ll be happy to see you.”

 

“Okay.” Christen nodded, stepping back into Tobin and kissing her again quickly.

 

Tobin’s hands found Christen’s waist and she didn’t let her pull away yet, resting her forehead against Christen’s for a moment and then kissing her once more.

 

“I really missed you.” Tobin hummed again before finally letting go.

 

Christen grinned and squeezed Tobin’s bicep affectionately as they both turned to head for the door.

 

Christen went towards Peyton’s bedroom once they got inside, stopping in front of the closed door and taking a breath before she knocked softly. Hoping she’d get some sort of response once she did. When she didn’t hear anything from inside, she glanced over at Tobin, getting a nod from her that it was okay to open the door.

 

Christen turned the door handle slowly and pushed it open just a touch so she could peak her head inside, not spotting the child right away.

 

“Peyton, are you in here?” Christen wondered in a quiet tone, stepping in a little further.

 

She could see Peyton sitting on the floor along the left side of the room, her knees pulled up to her chest and her head buried into them, almost like she was trying to hide. There was a booklet of white paper and a few colored pencils on the floor in front of her, obviously freshly used from writing her note to Tobin a few minutes ago.

 

“Hey, cutie.” Christen tried again, hoping Peyton had heard her come in so she wasn’t about to startle the child.

 

Peyton lifted her head then, her eyes red and puffy from crying, which Christen noticed right away.

 

“Christen?” Peyton asked through a small voice, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her shirt as she did.

 

“Yeah… are you okay?” Christen smiled sadly, sliding down against the wall until she was sitting on her butt right next to Peyton.

 

“No.” Peyton sniffled as she said the word, another tear falling at the same time.

 

Christen reached out and put her arm around Peyton, pulling her against her side and into a hug. Peyton moved over just as easily, wrapping her arm around Christen’s stomach and burying her face in Christen’s chest.

 

They sat there in silence for a couple minutes until Peyton lifted her head again to look up at Christen.

 

“What’s wrong, kiddo?” Christen tried then, wanting to hear Peyton’s side of it. “Can you tell me what happened?”

 

Peyton scowled a bit as she shook her head no.

 

“You don’t wanna talk about it?” Christen questioned understandably, letting the child take her time.

 

“It’s a secret.” Peyton whispered. “I can’t say it out here.”

 

“Out here?” Christen wondered again. “What do you mean, cutie?”

 

Peyton pushed herself up from Christen’s side and stood up, wiping her eyes and then reaching out for Christen’s hand as soon as she was on her feet. Christen stood up then too, letting Peyton lead her towards her bed.

 

“I’ll tell you in here.” She huffed, climbing up on her bed and scooting towards the wall so Christen could climb in too.

 

Peyton used the bottom bunk of her bunk bed set for her bed, with various multicolored bed sheets hanging over the sides of it to create a fort-like sleeping area that she and Tobin had designed. With white Christmas lights strung along the wall so it could be illuminated when the sheets were pulled closed around the bed.

 

The top bunk held all of her stuffed animals that she had collected over the years, usually picking one out each night to sleep with on the bottom bunk.

 

Peyton grabbed the teddy bear that was at the foot of the bottom bunk now and laid it in between her and Christen on the pillows like she was preparing the bed exactly the way she liked it.

 

“You can only say secrets in here when the curtain is closed. This is the secret fort in the magic castle.” Peyton explained seriously through a whisper as she pointed to the fabric hanging over the bed; like she was instructing Christen to pull the sheet down so they couldn't see out to the rest of the bedroom anymore.

 

Christen listened and followed instructions intently, making sure there were no openings left before she turned to look at Peyton again. Giving her a gentle smile, letting her know whatever she was going to say was safe with her.

 

“Is that good?” Christen asked, making sure she had Peyton’s approval of the setup.

 

“Yes.” Peyton nodded. She then reached over to hold Christen’s hand as she settled against her pillow.

 

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Christen questioned for a second time, now that they were situated.

 

“I don’t know how to do my math.” Peyton mumbled lowly, letting her head fall again like she was embarrassed. “I’m too stupid.”

 

“Hey.. no, you’re not.” Christen insisted quickly, squeezing Peyton’s hand softly to convey her sincerity. “Don’t ever think that, sweetie. Sometimes it just takes longer to learn certain things, but that’s okay. You just have to keep trying until you get it.”

 

“But I can’t get it and Toby is being mean to me and it’s making me really angry.” Peyton husked out in an upset tone, tears forming in her eyes once again.

 

“Why is she being mean to you?” Christen wondered, hoping she could play mediator between the two.

 

“Because she said I can’t play with my new telerscope until I do all my worksheets but they’re too hard!” Peyton continued with a whine. “And she doesn’t like it when I skip my homework and she gets really sad and mad at me.”

 

“I don’t think she’s mad at you, Peyton. I think she just wants you to do well in school because she knows how smart you are.” Christen tried to explain Tobin’s point of view without making the child upset with her too.

 

“If I’m smart then how come I can’t get it?” Peyton questioned then. “All the kids at school were teasing Benny S. cause he didn’t know the math problems and they said he was stupid, so that means I am too.”

 

“He’s not stupid and neither are you.” Christen spoke softly, reaching out to run a hand over Peyton’s hair to ease her worry.

 

Peyton just looked at Christen again, trying to decide whether to believe her or not.

 

“Maybe we just need to try again?” Christen offered then. “If you want, I can try and do some of the problems with you? We can work together until you understand them and then you can show everyone how smart you are.”

 

“You want to help me?” Peyton’s eyes lit up a little as they remained fixated on Christen.

 

“I’d love to help you, cutie.” Christen nodded. “Anytime you need it. You just let me know and I’ll be here to help.”

 

“And then Toby won’t be sad anymore?” Peyton questioned in a more optimistic tone.

 

“I hope not.” Christen shrugged, knowing sometimes she still might be.

 

“Cause I don’t like it when she is sad.” Peyton said then. “It makes me feel sad too.”

 

Christen gave Peyton a soft smile, letting go of her hand and pulling her into another hug.

 

“I don’t like it when either of you are sad.” Christen agreed. “That’s why I came over, to try and make you happy again.”

 

“Toby really likes that.” Peyton admitted easily. “You always make her more happy when you come over and then she smiles _really_ big.”

 

Christen could feel a small lump of emotions forming in her throat at the way Peyton said it. Like she just wanted what was best for Tobin, even as an eight-year-old. Loving once again how sweet this child was.

 

“You both make me happy when I come over too.” Christen grinned.

 

Peyton looked up at her for confirmation and smiled a little when Christen did.

 

“Should we go out there and find her?” Christen suggested. “Then we can try to do your homework again? We can all do it together and it will be okay, I promise.”

 

Peyton just nodded her head and then climbed over Christen so she could slide the sheet curtain open again and jump off her bed. Suddenly done with secret time and eager to get back out to the kitchen.

 

She opened her bedroom door quickly and walked out into the hallway with Christen following behind her. Tobin was in the kitchen, leaning against the island with her head turned towards the hallway when she heard the door open. Looking back at them with a worn out but slightly more hopeful look on her face.

 

Peyton hurriedly moved through the living room and back to the kitchen, walking up to Tobin with her arms open. Tobin bent down as Peyton got close, scooping her up when the child reached her. Hugging her tightly and holding her close for a few moments.

 

“Sorry you were making me angry.” Peyton mumbled into Tobin’s shoulder, with her arms wrapped tightly around her neck.

 

“I’m sorry too, bud. We’ll get it, okay? Don’t worry.” Tobin returned, making sure not to laugh at the way the child phrased her apology. Waiting for Peyton to lift her head so she could give her a loving smile.

 

Christen hung back and let them have their space to make up until Peyton wiggled down from Tobin’s arms and moved back towards the table where her homework was still spread out.

 

“Ready to try again?” Christen asked as Peyton sat down, moving towards her at the table.

 

“Ready.” Peyton nodded as she picked up her pencil again.

 

Tobin gave Christen a wink and a smile and then turned around to get back to her dinner prep, more than happy to let them be as they tried to work through Peyton’s homework without getting in the way and causing another argument.

 

A little bit later, after Tobin had the spaghetti sauce simmering and the noodles boiling, she walked around to the side of the table that Christen and Peyton were sitting on, looking over both of their shoulders to see how they were doing.  

 

“Okay, so how many pieces of pie are in this circle?” Christen asked as she had glanced at the next problem on the worksheet.

 

Peyton whisper-counted as she pointed to each piece before glancing up at Christen. “Four.”

 

“That’s right.” Christen nodded. She then pointed to the mostly grayed-out pie circle next to that one. “And now how many pieces are missing from the four?”

 

“One.” Peyton answered quicker.

 

“Right. So if one is missing, how many are still left in the pie?”

 

“One.. two.. three.” Peyton whispered again. “Three.” She responded confidently.

 

“Yep.” Christen smiled. “Three out of four are still there. So what is the fraction?”

 

“Three fours.” Peyton answered again, her voice rising almost in question.

 

“Three- _fourths_.” Christen nodded with a smile as she corrected her slightly.

 

“Three-fourths.” Peyton repeated Christen’s words.

 

“Yeah, you got it!” Christen grinned, giving Peyton’s shoulder a squeeze. “Great job, kiddo.”

 

“Way to go, Squirt.” Tobin encouraged her too.

 

“Toby, we did one whole sheet already!” Peyton beamed proudly, holding up her first completed worksheet.

 

“That’s so awesome.” Tobin beamed. “You’re doing great, bud.”

 

Peyton picked up the second of three worksheets and started to read the next problem aloud, concentrating hard to make sure she read it correctly.

 

Tobin smiled and then leaned down to Christen, kissing her temple softly on the opposite side of Peyton. “Would you like a glass of wine?” She murmured in question.

 

“I would love one.” Christen nodded with a grin, reaching up to hold Tobin’s hand that was resting on her shoulder for just a moment.

 

Tobin kissed her head again gently and then walked over to the wine rack next to the fridge, opening a bottle of red and pouring them both a glass.

 

They took a break after the second worksheet was done to have dinner, since they were all hungry with it being later than normal, and then Tobin cleaned up while Peyton and Christen finished the last worksheet that was overdue.

 

“One-third is one out of three.” Peyton announced loudly as she wrote in her final answer. “And now I’m all done!” She yelled again.

 

Tobin crouched down next to the chair Peyton was sitting in to look at her last answer. “Great job, PJ. I’m really proud of you.”

 

Peyton stood up and was about to walk towards her bedroom when she turned back around and looked at Tobin and then over to Christen, moving towards her chair quickly and giving the dark-haired woman a hug. Silently thanking her before Tobin even had to ask her to.

 

“I’m proud of you too, cutie.” Christen grinned as she hugged Peyton back. “I told you that you’re smart.”

 

“I am.” Peyton agreed with a confident smile. “Can I play with my telerscope now?”

 

“Your what?” Tobin started to laugh at Peyton’s question.

 

“My new telerscope!” Peyton jumped up and down in excitement. “My present you gave me!”

 

She had been wanting to play with her new toy all afternoon, ever since Tobin had given it to her after school. Right before Mrs. Lee called about her homework not being done. That’s when things had gone south for them.

 

“Tel-e-scope.” Tobin annunciated the word for her, trying not to laugh again. “It’s called a telescope.”

 

“Okay, whatever!” Peyton shrugged with a grin. “Can I play with it?”

 

Tobin stood back up and glanced at the clock on the microwave, realizing it was just about Peyton’s bedtime. But after the night they’d had, she didn’t have it in her to tell her no again right away.

 

“How about you can play with it for twenty minutes, and then we brush your teeth before bed?” She tried to bargain.

 

“And then it’s bedtime?” Peyton asked again.

 

“Yeah, then it’s bedtime and you can play with the telescope more tomorrow.” Tobin responded.

 

“Okay, but only after my homework.” Peyton agreed with a slightly less enthusiastic voice.

 

She then took off in a sprint back towards her room, disappearing out of sight, to grab the new telescope that Tobin gave her and had put together earlier.

 

“You’re amazing.” Tobin hummed as she joined Christen in the kitchen, wrapping her arms around Christen's waist as she was pouring herself a second glass of wine. “Seriously, Chris. Thank you.”

 

“Of course.” Christen smiled, setting her wine glass back down so she could wrap her arms around Tobin’s shoulders. “I meant it when I said I’m here for you anytime.”

 

She hugged Tobin tightly for a moment and then pulled back and placed her hands on Tobin’s cheeks, grinning as she leaned in slowly, feeling the buzz from the wine coursing through her bloodstream as she did.

 

“Plus, it was a long ten days without you and this was a good excuse to come see you tonight. I had kinda been hoping you’d call,” Christen murmured honestly.

 

“Believe me, I was only gonna wait until PJ went to bed.” Tobin wiggled her eyebrows teasingly.

 

Christen grinned until she was pressing her lips to Tobin’s again, kissing her a little more intensely than what they’d done outside, now that Tobin was in a better mood.  

 

Tobin sighed into the kiss, letting her hands drop a little further on Christen’s backside, as they both forgot where they were for a moment. Moving their lips together slowly.

 

It wasn’t until they registered Peyton’s bare feet pattering on the hardwood floor again that they pulled away, more than a little late.

 

Peyton came to a stop at the edge of the kitchen and put her telescope down, clearly making it obvious that she had seen them. Staring at them now with her mouth hanging open a little.

 

Tobin opened her eyes as she glanced to her left, knowing exactly what was about to happen next. Hoping then that the next few minutes were going to be painless.

 

She didn’t know if she should say something first or not. They all kind of just looked at each other silently for a moment.

 

“You’re in love!?” Peyton shouted excitedly, her voice clearly in awe as she was looking between Tobin and Christen.

 

Christen and Tobin both took a half step back from each other at the same time. Christen bit the inside of her cheek as Tobin ran a hand through her hair.

 

“Ahhh… love?” Tobin questioned awkwardly with a small laugh, looking over at Christen like she was asking for help on how to field this question.

 

Christen just shrugged slightly, having absolutely no idea how to get out of this one. This was all Tobin’s territory.

 

“PJ, what do you know about love?” Tobin asked instead of answering her original question.

 

“A lot!” Peyton responded with a smile like she was about to let them in on a fun secret.

 

“A lot?” Tobin laughed a little harder. “Like what, dude? You’ve never told me this...”

 

“Cause Lana said not to tell anyone!” Peyton shrugged as if she was just being loyal to her best friend.

 

“ _Ohh, Lana, of course._.” Tobin responded in a sarcastic voice. “Well, what do you think love is?”

 

“Love is when you kiss all the time. But then sometimes you get tired of kissing, but you still want to be together, so you just talk instead. Lana’s mommy and daddy are like that and they look really gross when they kiss but Lana said they hafta do it cause they’re in love.”

 

“Oh…” Tobin nodded as she listened, looking back over at Christen who was grinning at Peyton’s entertainingly obscure answer.

 

“So that means you love Christen cause you were kissing her?” Peyton stated in a half question, almost as if she was getting her hopes up.

 

“Well…” Tobin started again, her mind feeling like it was going blank as she spoke. “Sometimes people hang out and then they kiss each other, even if they just like each other but aren’t in love yet.”

 

“How come?” Peyton asked then, her eyebrows raising a little like she wasn’t totally understanding.

 

This isn’t what her eight-year-old best friend had told her.  

 

“Umm..” Tobin paused, stuffing her hands into her pockets and bobbing her shoulders up and down. “Cause it’s fun?”

 

“It’s fun for adults.” Christen cut in quickly, giving Tobin a look with slightly wide eyes at her answer.

 

“Yes, definitely for adults only. Who are much, much older than you.” Tobin nodded quickly in agreement.

 

“So you just kiss until you fall in love?” Peyton asked again. “Then you become married?”

 

“Sure, that happens sometimes.” Tobin nodded again. “And sometimes you just go back to being friends with no more kissing. It kinda depends on how it goes.”

 

“Oh.” Peyton nodded a little, letting her mind process all this new information as she fell silent.

 

“So if Christen and I decide that we really like each other and want to be more than friends in the future, would that be okay with you, PJ?” Tobin asked, figuring she should throw out that possibility now.

 

“Does that mean you would kiss even more?” Peyton wondered, trying to keep up with Tobin’s explanation.

 

Tobin and Christen both laughed a little.

 

“Maybe a little more.” Tobin conceded with a nod and a big smile.

 

“And then she could sleep over here all the time and sometimes we could sleep over at her house too?”

 

“Yeah, maybe.” Tobin agreed. “Would you like that?”

 

“Yes!” Peyton jumped up and down once. “How soon till we will know?”

 

Tobin chuckled and moved towards Peyton, crouching down in front of her and putting a hand on her shoulder.

 

“I’ll tell you as soon as we decide, okay? I promise you’ll be the first to know.”

 

“Okay!” Peyton smiled, finally happy with the answers she got. “Can we go look at the stars with my tel-aaa-scope now.” She said the word slowly to make sure she got it right; the same way Tobin pronounced it earlier.

 

“Yeah, let’s go check it out.” Tobin grinned, standing back up and picking up Peyton’s telescope for her as the kid ran to the back patio door.

 

Peyton ripped open the glass door in excitement as Tobin turned back around to Christen, giving her a look like she was wondering if her explanation was good enough.

 

Kicking herself that they hadn’t discussed how to tell Peyton yet and hoping Christen wasn’t bothered by her choice of words.

 

Christen just walked up to Tobin and kissed her sneakily again on the way by. “It sure is fun...” She murmured jokingly as she moved past Tobin and out to the patio behind Peyton.

 

Tobin shook her head at her own answer and spun on her heel, joining them both outside and setting up the telescope so Peyton could see out of it.

 

“What are you seeing, Peyton? Can you describe it to us?” Christen questioned as they all stood on the dark patio a few minutes later.

 

She had cozied up behind Tobin while Peyton was distracted with looking through the lens, wrapping her arms around Tobin’s waist from behind and holding her body close.

 

Tobin grabbed her hands in return, making sure Christen didn’t pull away. Loving the way her warm breath felt on the back of her neck.

 

“A walrus!” Peyton mentioned, turning the telescope a little to her left. “And a big crazy square and so many bright stars and a big moon!”

 

“Wow.” Christen laughed. “That’s really cool.”

 

Tobin angled her head back to try and find Christen’s lips again, getting a short but sweet kiss once she succeeded.

 

“Wanna look?” Peyton asked then, pulling her eye away from the telescope lens and looking back up at Christen.

 

“We’re okay.” Tobin shrugged. “You can keep looking cause we only have two more minutes before bedtime.”

 

“Alright..” Peyton’s shoulders dropped for only a second before she was back to stargazing happily.

 

They went inside five minutes later after Tobin had given Peyton a little longer than she said she would, mostly not wanting Christen to break the hold she had on her.

 

“Can you say thank you again to Christen?” Tobin asked after she watched Peyton brush her teeth.

 

Peyton ran back to the kitchen where Christen was sitting at the island, giving her a big hug and telling her thank you and goodnight, before joining Tobin in her bedroom.

 

The child climbed into bed and let Tobin tuck the blankets in tightly around her, making sure she got her feet tucked in just the way Peyton liked it.

 

“Love you to the moon and back.” Tobin did her part of their goodnight routine, kneeling on both knees at the side of Peyton’s bed.

 

“Up to the stars and back down to the sea.” Peyton returned, pressing her finger to Tobin’s like usual.

 

“Night, bud.” Tobin smiled.

 

She pushed herself back up, getting a couple steps to the door when Peyton stopped her.

 

“Toby?” She asked in a wondering tone.

 

Tobin turned back around to look at her again. “Yeah, Squirt?”

 

Peyton just wagged her finger, asking Tobin to come closer again.

 

Tobin squatted down at the side of Peyton’s bed again, waiting for her to speak.

 

“It’s a secret.” Peyton whispered.

 

Tobin knew the drill, pulling the sheet around her back to make it seem like she was inside of the secret fort, so Peyton would continue.

 

“I really like Christen when she is over.” Peyton whispered, grabbing Tobin’s hand as she said it. “She is really nice and fun.”

 

“Yeah.” Tobin smiled happily. “I really like her too, bud. She’s nice to have around, huh?”

 

Peyton just nodded slowly.

 

“I hope you kiss her enough until she falls in love.” The child admitted then like she had been thinking about it since their talk earlier. “Cause then she won’t ever have to go home and we can be together all the time.”

 

Tobin smiled, unsure of what to say, so she just kind of nodded.

 

“Did you already fall in love with her too?” Peyton asked her innocently then.

 

“I don’t know.” Tobin shrugged. She didn’t want to say too much and get Peyton’s hopes up but she didn’t want to lie either. “I think one day I could fall in love with her. We’ll have to see how it goes.”

 

“Maybe tomorrow you’ll know?” Peyton suggested.

 

“Maybe..” Tobin laughed again, knowing it wasn’t as simple as Peyton believed it to be. “I don’t want you to worry about it though, okay? It’ll work out how it’s supposed to and no matter what, we’re both here for you.”

 

Peyton nodded in agreement and they looked at each other with a smile for a moment.

 

“Anything else?” Tobin questioned softly.

 

Peyton just shook her head no, letting a yawn escape her lips.

 

“Sleep tight, PJ. I love you.” Tobin said then, pulling the sheet back open so she could stand up again.

 

Peyton turned over as Tobin shut her light off and stepped out into the hallway again, leaving the child to sleep.

 

She found Christen relaxing on the couch in the living room, being patient while Tobin put Peyton to bed.

 

“Hi there, beautiful.” Tobin smiled as she came to a stop in front of Christen.

 

“Hi yourself.” Christen smiled, letting Tobin pull her up and then resting her head on her chest as she snuggled in against her body.

 

“Will you stay tonight?” Tobin requested. “My bed has been too empty without you in it lately.”

 

“I want to..” Christen murmured. “But I didn’t bring any work clothes for the morning or anything.”

 

“You can borrow whatever you need.” Tobin shrugged. “I do own other clothes besides tank tops and bathing suits.”

 

Christen jokingly narrowed her eyes, looking up at Tobin like she didn’t know if she believed that, making Tobin roll her eyes.

 

“Plus, you stealing my clothes to wear to work is actually really hot to think about..” Tobin added.

 

Christen lifted her head again. “Yeah, you’re right. I think I have a pair of heels in my car that I can wear anyway. And I did tell you we’d celebrate if you won last week…”

 

“Which I would like to remind you that I did…” Tobin grinned.

 

“Such a superstar.” Christen hummed through a sensual grin.

 

Tobin leaned in to kiss Christen’s lips for a moment before she remembered what she wanted to talk about.

 

“Did that go okay with Peyton earlier?” Tobin asked then. “She kinda caught me off guard, even though I’ve been meaning to talk with her about you already.”

 

“Yeah, it was fine. However you want to handle that is great with me.” Christen nodded. “She is too funny, she cracks me up.”

 

“I know. While I was putting her to bed, she told me she thinks I should keep kissing you.” Tobin added. “She said then you’ll be around all the time and she would like that.”

 

“Well, we better do what she wants, right?” Christen laughed, grabbing Tobin’s hand and leading them out of the living room.

 

They made it to Tobin’s bedroom quickly, shutting the door behind them a little too loudly.

 

Before Christen could even really realize it, her lips were on Tobin’s mouth and neck and collarbones, straddling her on top of the bed like she suddenly couldn’t get enough.

 

She had been craving Tobin for the last ten days and now she finally had her chance again. She didn’t want to wait any longer.

 

Tobin’s low moan from Christen biting her bottom lip was enough to pull Christen out of her trance for a moment as she sat up, running a hand through her hair.

 

“Fuck.” She husked out, still looking down at Tobin with wanting eyes, feeling too wound up to stop now. “I want you.”

 

“I want you too.” Tobin repeated, sitting up so they were face to face again. “So bad.”

 

Christen slid off the bed and walked to Tobin’s bedroom door, turning the lock on it to make sure they wouldn’t be surprised if someone happened to wake up, peeling off her shirt and bra on her way back to the bed.

 

Tobin peeled her shirt off then too and tossed it to the side of the bed at the same time, completely ready to have Christen again.

 

Tobin watched as Christen shimmied her shorts off and then pulled her hair up into a loose ponytail, getting her hair off her face so she could move the way she wanted to, with nothing in the way. Getting Tobin naked in no time at all. Lowering herself down between her legs and looking up at her with lustful eyes.

 

Tobin hoped that image would be burned into her mind forever. The way Christen licked her lips and then leaned down between her legs.

 

It was the hottest thing she’d ever seen.

 

It was all Tobin could think about until her eyes were shutting tightly, trying to hold on long enough as Christen started to work. Moaning at the sensation of Christen’s skillful tongue on her.

 

It felt like _more_ this time. They were closer now and more deeply connected with everything they had shared with each other recently, and it felt even better than it had their first time. No awkward interruptions in the middle of it. Just them enjoying one another completely. Only thinking of each other in that moment.

 

Tobin was diligent in returning the favor and they didn’t stop until Christen was catching her breath on top of Tobin, letting her face rest in the brunette’s neck with her naked body fully on top of Tobin’s.

 

Loving the way it felt to be snuggled into Tobin while she rubbed her back affectionately.  

 

Tobin’s heart fluttered a little bit more with every sleepy, soft kiss that Christen would place on her skin until they both recovered enough that they could speak again.

 

“Yeah, I definitely really enjoy doing that with you..” Christen grinned into Tobin’s chest, looking up at her with sleepy but satisfied eyes.

 

“Me too.” Tobin rasped out, her voice still thin from pleasure. “It’s very fun.”

 

Christen moved up a little more on top of Tobin, until her head was on the pillow right next to Tobin’s. So they could look each other in the eyes easily.

 

“Was that celebratory enough?” She mused quietly.

 

“It was.” Tobin laughed, kissing Christen’s forehead then. “I loved it. Ten out of ten, for sure.”

 

“Good.” Christen murmured and then winked. “You earned it.”

 

Tobin laughed again, thoroughly enjoying this playful side of Christen.

 

“Speaking of celebrating.. there is something else I wanted to tell you about.” Tobin hummed then. “I kinda forgot about it today but I have good news that I found out while I was gone.”

 

“Really?” Christen questioned excitedly. “What is it?”

 

“So, Nike is starting to get more involved with surfing and they’re gonna start designing boards and wetsuits and all that stuff, and one of their reps was at the competition in Portugal.” Tobin started. “And after I won on Saturday, they actually approached me about being one of their sponsored athletes.”

 

“Shut up!” Christen beamed immediately, lifting her head off the pillow and propping it up on her palm to look down at Tobin. “That’s amazing, Tobs! How exciting.”

 

“Yeah, it’s cool.” Tobin chuckled. “It’s actually kind of a huge deal if it happens... They mentioned that they’re hoping to make me the ‘face’ of Nike Women’s Surfing.” Tobin rolled her eyes bashfully as she said it, offering small air quotes with the title.

 

“I mean, you do have a good face.” Christen grinned again. “I like it a lot. I’m sure everyone else will too.”

 

“We’ll see…” Tobin shrugged. “I have to go meet with them on Maui next week and talk about everything. They haven’t made a sponsorship offer yet.”

 

“Next week?” Christen perked up even more at that.

 

“Yeah, maybe like Wednesday or Thursday, I think.” Tobin nodded. “They’re flying in from Portland with a few people from their headquarters.”

 

“I think I’m going to Maui next week, too.” Christen mentioned. “All week, probably.”

 

“For work?” Tobin wondered.

 

She knew Christen was going to start traveling soon, mostly between islands to start buying for Kauai Coffee Company, but she hadn’t realized it would happen this quickly.

 

“Yep. There are a few plantations over there that I’m gonna start with. Gotta secure those beans, ya know… The people need their coffee.” She smirked.

 

Tobin chuckled too and thought on it for a second. “Huh..well, that’s cool.”

 

“Definitely not as cool as yours.” Christen leaned down and kissed Tobin’s lips again. “I’m really happy for you, Tobin. You deserve all the good things.”

 

Tobin pulled her down into a tight hug, loving how genuine Christen’s words were. “Thanks, Chris. I’m pretty excited.”

 

“As much as I’d love to celebrate again with round two, I am gonna be dragging tomorrow if we don’t sleep soon.” Christen breathed then, moving off of Tobin slightly. “You didn’t happen to keep that toothbrush you gave me last time I stayed over, did you?”

 

“Although it’s taking up a lot of room, I did save it.” Tobin nodded in a sarcastically exaggerated voice before smiling. “I figured it was best to be safe in case I got lucky enough to get you in this position again… It’s in the cup on the sink next to mine.”

 

“I like your thinking.” Christen smiled. She leaned back and found Tobin’s lips again, kissing her softer this time, before she got up and walked to the small bathroom connected to Tobin’s room.

 

They both got ready for bed and threw on some old clothes of Tobin’s before snuggling under the covers, spooning as they shared one pillow.

 

It must not have taken long for Christen to fall asleep because Tobin was able to register her slow and steady breaths easily after only a couple minutes.

 

Tobin let her eyes shut too, burying her face into Christen’s neck from behind, enjoying the scent of her shampoo as she tried to drift off. Grinning to herself as she replayed the whole night in her mind, waiting for sleep to find her.

 

Peyton’s words from earlier looping through her mind again and again.  

 

_I hope you kiss her enough until she falls in love._

 

Tobin sighed and tried to make herself stop smiling. Unable to do anything tonight but wish for the same exact thing.


	13. Subplots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And how many subplots you got swimmin' through that mind?  
> Scream for sympathy or sing the blues  
> Run from your shadows or relax in their shade  
> Which road you gonna chose?
> 
>  
> 
> .

 

“So you and your lover girl get the whole weekend alone together before you go back to Kauai then?”

 

Julie’s voice was humming through on speaker phone as Christen was doing her makeup in her hotel room, both hands occupied by her mascara tube and brush separately.

 

It was Friday afternoon and she had finished up her work week on Maui earlier this morning, having spent the week meeting with a few different coffee suppliers to purchase inventory and other various products that were needed for production going forward.

 

It was her first business trip with Kauai Coffee Company and she had learned a lot throughout the week, now more than a little ready for the weekend to be here to give her a couple days off.

 

Christen didn’t respond to her best friend for a moment as she was leaning in close to the mirror, her mouth hanging open to make sure she got the perfect amount of makeup on to accentuate her lashes.

 

“Ah, yeah.” Christen finally answered when she had her left eye done. “That’s the plan.”

 

“Ohhh.” Julie exaggerated her response. “Sounds romantic.”

 

Christen laughed a little, blinking several times through dry eyes and then leaning in close to the mirror again to do her other eye.

 

“I love that you don’t even try to correct me anymore when I call her your lover girl.” Julie noticed then. “Does that mean you’ve decided to take my advice and that you’re giving in?”

 

Christen dunked the brush back into the mascara tube and applied more product to her right eye as she thought about her answer.

 

“Maybe I just don’t see a point in correcting you anymore?” Christen countered in return. “It’s not like it has stopped you yet.”

 

She honestly didn’t mind Julie’s insistent teasing on the subject of Tobin. She knew her best friend was only doing it because she was excited that Christen seemed to be a little happier again. But Christen also hadn’t been filling her in on much in the way of her sad and negative thoughts anymore, either.

 

She’s learned to keep those thoughts to herself.

 

“No, that’s true.” Julie agreed easily. “But the fact that you’re not denying it anymore feels like progress, at least.”

 

“Well then, I guess we’re making progress.” Christen returned, closing her mascara tube and giving herself one last look in the mirror.

 

“So what are you two gonna do all weekend?” Julie wondered, changing the subject a bit.

 

“All I know is that Tobin has a friend, who has a cousin, who is lending us their camper for the weekend, and we’re gonna do the Road to Hana and camp on the beach over there till Sunday.”

 

“A friend’s cousin?” Julie started to laugh. “Sounds legit…”

 

“That’s what I said.” Christen nodded through a small laugh of her own, picking up the phone and taking it off speaker, now that she was finished getting ready. “I swear she knows everyone and their mothers and all of their cousins around here.”

 

“Geez, popular gal you’ve got yourself, she must be a keeper.” Julie encouraged again.

 

“Yeah and she’s about to get more popular.” Christen added. “I talked to her earlier and it sounds like Nike made an offer to sponsor her. She’s gonna fill me in on the details when she picks me up, but it seems like it’s a big deal.”

 

Christen was trying to maintain the excitement in her voice but for some reason, there was a small nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she couldn’t place. Like a tiny hint of worry that Tobin was going to lose interest in her the bigger and more well-known she got from surfing.

 

_Surely there is someone out there that’s more captivating and worthy of Tobin’s attention, it’s only a matter of time until Tobin realizes that_.

 

She knew it was a dumb thought. Tobin hadn’t given her any reasons to think like that, but yet here she was, worrying about it anyway.

 

They weren’t even together, but nonetheless, she was already feeling a small sense of doom for them.

 

Christen can’t help it though. She’s been ruined once before and she still isn’t sure if she’ll ever fully come back from that kind of hurt.

 

That’s just another thing she isn’t telling anyone.

 

“Damn, think of all the fancy dates you’re gonna get with that Nike money.” Julie teased then, pulling Christen back out of her thoughts. “She better spoil the shit outta you.”

 

“I really don’t need to be spoiled.” Christen just rolled her eyes playfully. “I just wanna be happy.”

 

“That’s why you’re a better person than I am.” Julie sighed lightly. “I hope she continues to make you happy then, babe. She seems like she’s doing a good job so far, and you deserve it. And if not, I’ll kick her ass.”

 

“I’ll let her know.” Christen laughed softly again.

 

Julie could be pretty terrifying when pissed off. She was fiery like that.

 

Before Christen could say anything else, she heard a call beep in over the line, pulling the phone back a bit to look at the screen, seeing that it was Tobin who was calling.

 

“Speaking of, she’s calling me right now.” Christen said into the receiver again. “She said she’d let me know when she’s here to pick me up, so I better take this.”

 

“Yeah, of course.” Julie agreed. “Seriously, have a great weekend and enjoy camping with your hot surfer chick. I hope you bang a lot.”

 

“You sure love encouraging that, don’t you?...” Christen smiled at her best friend’s words.

 

“Hey, I can’t help that you’re living out, like, one of my deepest fantasies while I’m tied down.” Julie laughed heartily. “At least make it count for the both of us. You did say she was good in bed.”

 

“Oh my god, Jules, please let that go...” Christen chuckled as she shook her head, wishing she would have left that little detail out when she told Julie about her and Tobin finally hooking up. “Wait, what part of this is your fantasy anyway, the hot surfer part or the chick part?”

 

“All of the above.” Julie admitted with a shrug on her end. “Girls are fundamentally hotter than boys. We’ve been over this.”

 

Christen had all but forgotten that Tobin’s call was still beeping in. She was too busy laughing hard at Julie’s admission.

 

“I know we have.” Christen grinned again. “And I’m definitely not disagreeing.”

 

“Alright good. Call me Sunday when you get home, I wanna hear all about it.” Julie demanded then. “I love you.”

 

“I will.” Christen smiled. “I love you too.”

 

“Bye, Chris!” Julie hung up then as Christen switched over to pick up Tobin’s call, just before it went to voicemail.

 

As soon as she did she could hear the loud wind whipping in the background, like Tobin was flying down the road with all the windows open, even though she was on the phone.

 

“Hello?” Christen hummed after a beat, talking louder than she needed to on her end.

 

“Hey!” Tobin’s voice came through choppy but audible. “Your chariot awaits in, like, ten minutes. You ready to go?”

 

“I will be by then.” Christen confirmed, looking at her mostly packed suitcase on the hotel room floor. “Want me to meet you outside?”

 

“Cool. Yeah, that works.” Tobin agreed. “I’ll roll on up to the pickup lane then. I can’t wait to see your reaction this thing. It’s pretty epic.”

 

Christen started to laugh, imagining what this camper could possibly look like.

 

“I can’t wait either.” She nodded. “See you in a few.”

 

Christen got the rest of her suitcase packed and rolled it down to the lobby so she could check out of her room, making sure to get a receipt for her work expenses as she turned in her room key.

 

She only had to wait another minute for the brunette to arrive once she made her way outside.

 

“Oh, my….”

 

Christen pushed her sunglasses up on top of her head as she broke into an uncontrollable smile, watching from the sidewalk of the drop-off lane out front as an old and slightly worn-down looking camper drove up the entrance towards her.

 

Tobin was grinning mischievously in the driver’s seat as her hair was blowing around the cab from the wind, just like Christen had pictured.

 

She could hear the brakes squeak as the small mobile home came to a stop in front of her, making her worry internally already.

 

“Need a ride?” Tobin smiled brightly at her, leaning over to the passenger's side to yell out the window so Christen could hear her easily.

 

“Well… this looks... “ Christen started, scrunching her forehead up as she decided on how to finish her sentence.

 

“Fun?” Tobin suggested as she pushed the door open to hop out of the cab.

 

She made her way around the front of the camper and came to a standstill in front of Christen, amusement written all over her face.

 

“I was going to say dangerous, but fun is also an optional word.” Christen conceded with a lighthearted smile of her own.

 

Tobin started to laugh.

 

“It’s safer than it looks.” She put a hand up like she was defending their borrowed ride already. “And I realize that you’re way too beautiful to be riding around in this old thing, but don’t worry, it’s actually a lot nicer and cleaner on the inside than it seems. I made sure to get the sand off the seats and everything.”

 

“I’m sure it’s just fine, and I am definitely not too beautiful...” Christen scoffed lightly. “I can totally be rugged, Tobin.”

 

Tobin narrowed her eyes like she didn’t believe her, not bothering to argue now.

 

In the grand scheme of necessary ruggedness, this camper wasn’t even on the scale.  

 

“I can!” Christen repeated herself again when she noticed the doubt on Tobin’s face. “It’s fine if you don’t believe me, I’ll just prove you wrong, _again_.”

 

“Again?” Tobin teased as she grabbed onto Christen’s hips gently, pulling her in close. “When have I ever been wrong before?”

 

“Ahhh, well, remember how good at tent camping I did?” She started to rattle off a list of things. “Or how about that time you thought I couldn’t drink whiskey and then I totally showed you up at the bar…?”

 

“Not really…” Tobin argued humorously. “Yes, you did great at camping, but sorry, one glass does not make you a whiskey drinker, especially when you were just suffering through to prove a point.”

 

“Whatever..” Christen grinned, stepping in even closer now that Tobin was holding her, almost as a challenge. “Look out for dirty Christen for the next two days, then.”

 

Tobin rolled her eyes playfully as she gave Christen’s waist a loving squeeze. “Just hand me your bag, dear.”

 

“Fine.” Christen shrugged one shoulder, stepping out of Tobin’s grasp, towards where she had left her suitcase a couple feet behind her, not getting very far when she did.

 

“Wait, wait, wait, I almost forgot…” Tobin reached out for her then and spun her back around. “Kiss me first.”

 

Christen grinned as she pretended to think about it until she grabbed Tobin’s face lightly, kissing her lips for just a moment.

 

“Good?” She raised one eyebrow when she pulled back.

 

“For now.” Tobin smirked. “We’ve got all weekend.”

 

“That we do.” Christen smiled back with her tongue between her teeth, spinning on her heel again to pick up her suitcase for Tobin.

 

The camper was actually much nicer on the inside than it looked from the outside, just as Tobin had promised. Easing Christen’s slight worry as soon as they stepped inside for a quick tour.

 

To the left of the main door was a full-size bed with comfy pillows and nice sheets and a multicolored hand-made comforter on top of the mattress. There was a small bathroom in between the bedroom and then to the right of the door was a small table and couch area, which could lay down into a second bed if needed.

 

It was cozy and cute and Christen couldn’t wait to be cooped up in it all weekend with just Tobin. It felt so intimate already.

 

“What do you think?” Tobin wondered hesitantly as she watched Christen’s face for a reaction. “Can we manage for the weekend in here?”

 

“It’s so homey.” Christen grinned, nodding as she turned to look at Tobin behind her. “I think it’s adorable.”

 

Tobin started to laugh. “Adorable, huh? I mean, I’m not sure Servando’s cousin was going for ‘adorable’ when he restored this thing, but sure, if you say so.”

 

“Adorable is a good thing.” Christen continued. “It means it’s really cute and I like it a lot.”

 

Tobin grinned with a nod. “Well then, you’re adorable too.”

 

“Wow, that was smooth.” Christen teased, sticking her hand up for a high-five.

 

“Thanks.” Tobin chuckled, returning the five easily and pulling Christen’s hand back down without breaking her hold on it. “Are you ready to roll?”

 

“Yep.” Christen nodded, following Tobin back out of the camper door so they could hop into the front cab to start their drive.

 

Tobin buckled herself into the driver's seat and then fiddled with the old radio until she found a classic Hawaiian station, setting the mood for their sunny drive.

 

They were in no rush to be anywhere in particular, wanting to just enjoy this afternoon with each other and see what they could find along the way.

 

Tobin had done the Road to Hana a couple times since moving to Hawaii, but it was about to be Christen’s first. The only other time she’d vacationed on Maui before she lived in Hawaii, they didn’t have a car and had to miss out on the famous drive, so she was more than a little excited to finally be experiencing it.

 

They pulled out of the hotel parking lot, both smiling happily as the camper hummed along, windows down and sunglasses on in the warm Maui afternoon.

 

It didn’t take long before Christen was glad she didn’t have to be the one driving, though.

 

Not even six miles in, they came up to a sharp U-shaped curve in the road, going uphill as they went. The road was practically one-lane, with a brick wall on the cliff side of it and virtually no room to maneuver at all.

 

“Umm…” Christen cleared her throat a bit and looked over at Tobin as they approached. “Not to be annoying already, but, are you sure about getting this thing up there?”

 

Tobin didn’t take her eyes off the road, waiting for the car that was coming at them to pass before they started up the narrowest part.

 

“Ah, nope.” Tobin laughed ironically. “You might want to shut your eyes.”

 

“Tobin!” Christen started to laugh too, mostly out of fear.

 

Tobin didn’t respond again, laying on the horn for a long moment so any cars ahead of them knew they were coming, before she just went for it, taking the almost complete U-turn slow and steady.

 

Christen took Tobin’s advice and shut her eyes, grabbing onto the door handle for some form of support.

 

Once they got up to the top of the steep hill and the road had widened a little more again, Tobin started to laugh wildly, reaching out and grabbing Christen’s thigh with her right hand to comfort her.

 

“Holy shit, I forgot how scary this road is.” She murmured, still a little nervously, feeling like she could admit that after they’d made it up the first difficult hurdle. “I’m not gonna lie, I’ve never actually been the one driving when I’ve done this trip before.”

 

“Well, you’re lucky I trust you.” Christen grinned back, once she had her eyes open again, grabbing onto Tobin’s hand and holding on tightly for a moment. “You’re doing great and I will try to keep my comments to myself.”

 

There were a few more tough switchbacks like that before the road opened up a little more, passing over numerous bridges and past dozens of waterfalls just in the distance as they went.

 

They enjoyed the music mostly in silence for an hour or so, following the curvy coastal road slowly, as Tobin was basically white-knuckling the steering wheel the whole time. She was trying to keep her chill demeanor so Christen could enjoy the views of the cliffs and the ocean down below without being worried.

 

“How about we take a break?” Tobin suggested once they came upon the first string of roadside vendors that were famous along the Hana Highway. “I could use some coffee and a snack.”

 

“Me too.” Christen nodded, pointing out a small parking area on the side of the road that Tobin could pull into.

 

They decided on a small fruit stand that had coffee and supposedly famous banana bread, getting a cup each and a loaf to share before finding a picnic table to sit at and relax for a bit.

 

“Ok, so…” Christen held eye contact as they sat down across from each other. “Talk to me. Tell me all about your meeting this morning.”

 

Tobin grinned as she took a sip of her coffee, wrapping her foot around Christen’s ankle under the table as a way to have some contact, just because she wanted to.

 

“Well, it went really well.” Tobin shrugged, already feeling overwhelmed by all this new Nike stuff and trying to be modest about how big of a deal it was actually going to be.

 

“I gathered that.” Christen grinned back at her, popping a piece of banana bread into her mouth. “What’d they say? I wanna hear everything.”

 

“I don’t know.” Tobin laughed, speaking in that slow, lazy way she does when she’s relaxed.

 

“They kept, like, calling me their new ‘Brand Ambassador’ or whatever... I don’t really know what that means exactly. I’ve been using their new boards and wetsuits since last week to try them out and I actually really like them, so we just talked about that and went over the specs of the gear and stuff, and then I signed the contract.”

 

“So what does that mean for you now?” Christen wondered.

 

She really had no idea how professional sponsorships worked at all.

 

“I get their stuff for free and have to promote it, basically.” Tobin shrugged again. “They wanna do a campaign to launch the new surfing line with a photo shoot and some ads and stuff and then we’ll see how it goes from there.”

 

Tobin’s head was spinning from it, if she was being honest. That’s probably why she was having a hard time explaining the basics of the deal to Christen now. It was all a lot for her to process.

 

She was such a true surfer, motivated only by her love of the sport; usually not caring about much in the way of fancy things and promotional appearances and stuff like that. She made her money by winning competitions and outside of the gifts her former gear sponsors would send her, she didn’t go out of her way to try and further that agenda.

 

Tobin just wasn’t really into it, until Nike called, but she knew she couldn’t turn them down. So whether she was ready or not, that mindset was about to change with this new deal.

 

“I’m not gonna lie, it’s a lot of money.” Tobin admitted then, without Christen even prompting her to. She said it almost as if she felt guilty about it. “Which is good on one hand, just like for PJ’s future and stuff... but I don’t know, I don’t want people to think differently of me because of it.”

 

“They won’t, Tobs.” Christen shook her head gently. “Why would you be worried about that?”

 

“I guess because it’s so small town here. Everyone I surf with every day, we all just kind of do it together, you know? I mean, how many years did I spend trying to make it big enough so that I could pay my bills from surfing alone? I don’t want them to think I’m gonna forget about the struggles just because of this.”

 

“Well... I don’t know everyone here like you do, but I am starting to really know you.” Christen smiled, reaching across the table to grab Tobin’s hand as she spoke. “And I know that you’re genuinely one of the most humble people I’ve ever met, so I know this won’t change you at all. I’m sure everyone else will know that too.”

 

“Yeah, I hope you’re right.” Tobin smiled back at Christen’s confidence in her. “Thanks, Chris.”

 

“Anytime.” Christen beamed, squeezing Tobin’s hand before she let it go again. “Anyway, tell me more about the fun stuff… how soon will it be before I can see your hot bod in magazines?”

 

That made Tobin laugh, once again feeling more excited about all the upcoming changes that were about to happen in her life.

 

“Damn, that’s gonna be so weird… I don’t know, but I’ll let you know as soon as they tell me.” Tobin hummed. “I just hope you don’t get sick of seeing my hot bod by then.”

 

“I wouldn’t worry about that if I was you.” Christen winked and then took another sip of her coffee. “I’m gonna have to watch my back with all the people who are gonna want you now though.”

 

Tobin settled her eyes on Christen with a side smile. “And I wouldn’t worry about _that_ if I was _you_...”

 

They let it go after that, falling silent as they finished their small loaf of banana bread so they could get back on the road.

 

When Christen was done eating she stood up and made her way around the end of the picnic table to Tobin’s side, leaning down towards her slowly.

 

“I’m really proud of you.” She hummed, kissing Tobin’s lips quickly but sweetly before she collected their trash to throw out.

 

Tobin just smiled at her when she pulled back, silently watching as Christen walked away. Unable to take her eyes off of her as she did.

 

“Let’s go, hot stuff.” Christen called over her shoulder as she dunked the garbage playfully into the trash bin a few feet away. “We’ve got adventures that need adventuring.”

 

She walked off towards where they parked the camper without turning around again.

 

Tobin just watched her from the table for another moment, laughing to herself as Christen skipped excitedly on ahead like a little kid. Shaking her head in happiness before she jumped up and followed her.

 

Christen climbed back into the passenger seat as she waited on Tobin to catch up, picking up her phone that she had left in the cup holder to check the time.

 

Her eyebrows scrunched together for a just a moment when she saw a new message waiting on her home screen. It was from an unsaved number.

 

It only took her a second to process who that would be, her stomach dropping anxiously when she realized she knew that number by heart.

 

Even though she had deleted that contact from her phone months ago, she’d probably never be able to forget it.  

 

Christen unlocked her phone and read the message just as Tobin pulled the driver’s side door open and hopped in herself.

 

{(628) 415-2438  2:43PM}: **_Hey… a bunch of your mail is still being delivered here. Will you send me your address so I can get it forwarded to you?_ **

 

Christen rolled her eyes, unable to feel anything but anger building inside of herself immediately.

 

How quickly one person could ruin her mood, just by unexpectedly reinserting himself back into her life.

 

Christen dropped her phone into her lap for a moment as she looked out the window, peering towards the lush greenery surrounding the road as she let her thoughts wander.

 

Ten different responses flashed through her mind momentarily as she tried to decide what to do.

 

It took her a few moments before she picked her phone back up and read the message a second time to make sure she didn’t miss anything before she deleted it completely.

 

There was no way she was going to respond. He didn’t deserve a response.

 

She wanted to tell him to fuck off, if she was being honest, but she wasn’t about to reopen that line of communication, after she had worked so hard to stay away from it last couple months.

 

She’d figure out what to do on Sunday when she talked to Julie again, but for now, she was just going to let it lie.

 

Tobin had been looking at her for a long moment, noticing the suddenly distant look on Christen’s face, finally pulling her back out of her thoughts with her words.

 

“Is everything okay?”

 

Christen’s head snapped over to Tobin quickly, like she had forgotten Tobin was even there for a minute.

 

“Yeah.” Christen nodded then, picking her purse up off the floor, from where it had been lying in front of her seat, and tossing her phone into it. Like she was actively ridding the thoughts of that text from her mind.

 

She then leaned over the open area between the seats before Tobin could get her seatbelt on, reaching out for the brunette.

 

“I need another kiss, though.” She admitted as she pulled Tobin towards her, trying to get over her bad mood as quickly as it’d come on. Wanting a little help from Tobin to do so.  

 

Tobin responded immediately, finding Christen’s lips easily and kissing them softly until the green-eyed woman was satisfied and pulled back again.

 

Christen leaned back into her own seat then and pushed her sunglasses back on her face, not saying anything else as Tobin started the camper and got them back on their way. Refocusing on her feelings for the person sitting next to her again.

 

They took the rest of the afternoon to complete the drive, stopping a couple other times at places that Tobin wanted to show Christen.

 

First, at Keanae Arboretum, where they picked out flowers to put behind their ears and toured part of a native Hawaiian rainforest on foot. Stopping to pose for pictures every few hundred yards as the took in the beauty of it.

 

Christen was overwhelmed by the amount of Instagram worthy photos they got from that stop, finally selecting one of her and Tobin huddled together under some Painted Eucalyptus trees that they had stumbled upon.

 

She was sure she’d get some questions from her friends back home about that picture, with the way Tobin was leaning in over her shoulder and holding her close, so they could get both themselves and the view in the shot.

 

She posted it without a caption as soon as they got back in the camper to continue on to Waikani Falls. Not really caring what anyone else would think about it anyway.

 

Waikani Falls was a trio of large waterfalls that sat back off the road a little bit, amid rocks and more lush vegetation. They didn’t stay too long there since it was such a popular swimming hole and was currently filled with people, but Tobin promised they’d stop again on their way back on Sunday. Instead, electing to finish their drive and get the camper set up so they could do whatever they wanted for the rest of the evening.

 

Tobin had reserved them a weekend pass for Waianapanapa State Park, parking the small RV in one of end parking spots on the famous black sand beach there.

 

Christen felt like she was dreaming as soon as they pulled up. It didn’t seem like it could even be real. The waves were crashing up onto the jet-black sand, directly in front of where they would be sleeping all weekend, like some sort of perfect, crazy paradise.

 

“Tobin, this is unreal.” Christen shook her head as Tobin was settling them in. Bringing out the step for the camper and pulling the awning out so other campers knew they were marking this spot as their own.

 

Christen was being exactly zero percent helpful with setting up, too stunned by the beauty to even try and assist, but Tobin couldn’t have cared less. She was just happy Christen seemed to be excited about it.

 

“I know.” Tobin just nodded slowly, opening the camper door so the wind could get in through the screen instead. “This is one of the coolest places I’ve ever been on earth. Isn’t that black sand wild?”

 

“Yes!” Christen laughed in a gasp. “Gah, Hawaii is insane in general. It’s so magical here.”

 

“Are you glad it’s home now?” Tobin smiled in question then, turning her attention from the camper to Christen, to judge her reaction.

 

Christen nodded her head yes, honestly letting herself be happy and thankful for her new home, maybe for the first time ever.

 

Sure, she’s loved particular days here so far and she’s loved getting to know all of the people she’s met; but right now, standing and looking out at the beach and the ocean and all of its glory, she really did let herself be okay with it all.

 

Maybe it was all working out like it was supposed to.

 

Tobin couldn’t take her eyes off of Christen’s smile. Her happiness was everything in that moment, and she suddenly couldn’t wait any longer to kiss her. Stepping away from the camper and walking slowly towards Christen and pulling her in as soon as she reached her.

 

Their lips met easily like Christen had been waiting for it. Holding Tobin close as they moved together perfectly.

 

“I’m really glad it’s your home now, too.” Tobin whispered when she finally took a breath.

 

Christen opened her eyes and just smiled. She didn’t need to say anything else.

 

“Alright, so…” Tobin laughed a little at their suddenly intense kiss, letting out a deep breath before she continued.

 

“I was thinking we could ride these bikes into town and grab some dinner?” Tobin suggested then as she pointed to the two vintage road bikes that were strapped to the bike rack on the back of the camper.

 

“It’s only about a mile from here. And then tomorrow we can go check out the Bamboo Forest up at Haleakala. We’ll have to drive up there, but I wanted to get this spot tonight so we could have a good view of the beach and the water.”

 

“That sounds perfect.” Christen nodded. “You’ve impressed me with literally everything you’ve ever shown me, so I’m not gonna say no to anything else you wanna do.”

 

“Only the good stuff for you, honey.” Tobin chuckled as she pulled the bikes down from the bike rack.

 

Christen felt a tiny surge of butterflies at the casual way Tobin said it. It was the same way she’d called her  _dear_ earlier Even though she was mostly joking with the terms of endearment, Christen had to admit it was nice to feel special to Tobin.

 

She gave her another kiss before they hopped on their bikes and set out in search of dinner.

 

They took their time riding the short distance into the small town of Hana, deciding along the way to check out the Polynesian barbecue food truck that they kept seeing signs for.

 

They got their food to-go and ate along the oceanfront pathway next to where the food truck was parked, leaving their bikes leaning up against the back of it when they were done eating, as they continued on foot to explore the tiny downtown.

 

“There’s a super good Shave Ice place just up the road.” Tobin mentioned once they were walking side by side. “You wanna get some dessert?”

 

“I’m following your lead.” Christen swayed her head softly, leaving it up to Tobin to decide.

 

“I guess that’s a yes.” Tobin smiled, lacing her fingers with Christen’s casually as they headed towards where Tobin remembered the small Shave Ice stand being located, just a few blocks down.

 

It was another cute little roadside stand, painted bright yellow with big lettering across the top, exactly like all the food stands they’d spotted on the drive over. It seemed to be a popular theme around here.

 

They got in line behind a few other people, trying to decide what flavor of snow cones they were each going to get; holding hands as they stepped forward each time the line moved.  

 

When it was their turn to order, Christen stepped forward first and smiled at the young woman working, before they were both caught by surprise.

 

“ _Tobin Heath??!_ ” The young woman’s jaw dropped a little as she pointed right at Tobin.

 

Tobin ducked her head a little so she was out of the bright evening sun, trying to see who was saying her name. Recognizing the woman as soon as she could see her face.

 

“Casey?!” Tobin laughed in shock, pointing right back at her. “No way…”

 

“Dude, look at you holding hands with someone way hotter than you. Who’s your girlfriend?” The woman wondered quickly.

 

Tobin turned to look at Christen as they both dropped each other’s hands.

 

She realized immediately that she had no idea how to introduce Christen.

 

“Oh, ah.. this is.. well, she’s…” She started to stammer out super awkwardly, not wanting to say the wrong thing, since they hadn’t talked about it.

 

“This is my .. _friend_...” Tobin finally settled on, forgetting to even say Christen’s name at the introduction.

 

“Oh friend, sorry.” The woman apologized at the awkwardness in the air. “You were holding hands, so I just kinda thought I was putting two and two together…”

 

Tobin started to laugh too loudly as she shrugged in confusion.

 

“I’m Christen.” The dark-haired woman jumped in then to actually introduce herself, trying to relieve Tobin before she started to stammer again.

 

“Hey, I’m Casey.” Tobin’s friend said again. “It’s nice to meet you.”

 

Tobin shook her head, snapping back into the moment. “Casey, what the hell dude? You work here?”

 

“Yeah, we gave up on the real world to move over here about a year ago.” Casey explained. “We’re loving the slow life these days.”

 

Tobin couldn’t believe it. Finally looking over at Christen and explaining how they knew each other.

 

“Casey and I are old friends from years ago.” She started. “I met her and her now-husband, Zach, when I first moved to Kauai. We used to surf together almost every day until she and Zach moved to Maui a few years back.”

 

“It’s true.” Casey nodded, stepping to the side of the small Shave Ice stand so they could keep talking while the customers behind Tobin and Christen ordered. “I guess we haven’t done a good job at keeping in touch since.”

 

“What a small world.” Christen grinned, looking between the old friends now. “See, I told you, you know everyone.” She nudged Tobin playfully then.

 

“I need to know how you two know each other.” Casey smiled wickedly then. “She’s way too pretty to be holding your hand, T.”

 

“Yeah I know, stop pointing it out.” Tobin chuckled at her friend’s teasing. “We can’t let her know that.”

 

“Oh stop.” Christen grinned at their banter, grabbing Tobin’s bicep gently to keep her close. “Tobin’s super hot.”

 

Tobin felt herself blush, losing her usually cool facade at Christen’s compliment.

 

“True, she is now.” Casey agreed lightheartedly. “You shoulda seen her as a gangly nineteen-year-old though…”

 

Christen giggled and let her eyes land on Tobin again, squeezing her arm affectionately.

 

They talked for another few minutes before Casey had to start helping customers again, promising they’d call each other soon and catch up. Casey used to be one of Tobin’s best friends and her suddenly popping up out of nowhere had really made Tobin’s day. She promised herself that she was going to follow through on keeping in touch more.

 

After they said goodbye to Casey, Christen and Tobin walked back to where they left their bikes, ready to head back to their campsite as the sun was going down.

 

The cloud cover over them was moving in pretty quickly and they wanted to make it back to the camper before the rain opened up into a full-on downpour.

 

They made it almost the whole way before tiny sprinkles started to hit their skin, peddling just a little faster the last quarter mile, until they were pulling up next to their home for the weekend.

 

“Safe and sound.” Tobin sighed happily as she slammed the camper door shut, once she had the bikes stashed underneath the awning and out of the rain.

 

Christen tossed the towel she had just used to wipe the rain droplets off of her arms at Tobin, so she could use it too, throwing her damp hair up in a messy bun before it became too curly to manage.

 

Tobin took a minute to dry off too and then hung the towel up in the tiny bathroom before she found Christen sitting on the bed waiting for her patiently. Her sultry green eyes locked on Tobin.

 

All of the sudden it was like it was too quiet and intimate in their small space. Both of them gazing at each other deeply. The raindrops hitting the tin roof of the camper a little harder, creating a perfect cadence to set the mood for the rest of the night.

 

Just them and their desires, with nobody around to interrupt.

 

Tobin let out a shallow breath then, breaking into a slow smile as Christen wagged her finger unhurriedly, silently asking Tobin to come closer.

 

Knowing they both wanted the same thing right now.

 

The sex was slow and meaningful and perfect for tonight. Both of them taking turns with each other as the rain came down heavier still. Drowning out their moans and soft laughter perfectly as they took their time. Learning each other just a little more.

 

It was Christen who finally relented first, rolling off of Tobin and onto her back as a satisfied grin spread across her face. Both of their bodies humming from pleasure as they laid there in silence for several minutes.

 

Tobin could feel her eyelids getting heavy as she processed her thoughts, knowing she was going to succumb to sleep soon. She thought about the way she and Christen had held hands all evening and the way Casey called them a couple, without realizing they actually weren’t.

 

Tobin liked how that sounded. Her girlfriend, Christen. She had never liked that term so much in her life.

 

She wished she could have just nodded and proudly introduced Christen that way tonight, instead of making a fool out of herself as she tried to explain their current situation.

 

Not that Christen ever made her feel that way. She was more gentle with Tobin than anyone else.

 

She's like a soft magnet that keeps pulling Tobin in, making her feel alive and happy every time they’re close to each other.

 

Tobin could feel that pull again right now, pushing herself up on her elbows to scoot over towards Christen on the pillow next to her; looking down at her and moving her right arm so it was wrapping around the dark-haired woman again.

 

“Chris…” Tobin hummed, smiling as she leaned down and buried her face in Christen’s neck for a moment.

 

“Tobs…” Christen returned softly, opening her own eyes again and reaching up to wrap her arms around Tobin’s lower back to bring her in close.

 

“I like you.” Tobin hummed again, lifting her head back up so she could look into Christen’s eyes.

 

Christen just smiled back, holding eye contact intently.

 

Tobin took a deep breath then before she started to whisper a little softer.

 

“I keep thinking about earlier when Casey called you my girlfriend...” She murmured as if she was reflecting on that conversation again. “I kinda liked the way it sounded…”

 

“Did you?” Christen wondered kindly. Waiting for Tobin to elaborate on her thoughts a little more.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin broke into a smile as she nodded her head. “I was just thinking... maybe we should just go for it and actually be together.”

 

She dropped her face back down to Christen’s chest, breathing in the scent of her skin as she continued with her thoughts.

 

“You make me really happy and you make my days better and, I don’t know, I think I’m just ready to let myself fall for you…. Like, really fall for you.” Tobin knew she wasn’t being very succinct in explaining her thoughts, finally just sighing and simplifying everything. “Chris... I want you to be my girlfriend.”

 

Christen swallowed as she processed Tobin’s sweet words, freezing up internally even though she hated that it was happening. It was like she had no control on her mind’s reaction to this conversation.

 

“Tobin...” Christen breathed almost mutedly. So quietly that Tobin barely made out her name. “I…”

 

She trailed off again and covered her eyes with her hand that had just been resting on Tobin’s hip.

 

A million thoughts running through her mind, all at once. Feelings for Tobin, and their happiness, and excitement for a possible future with her; mixing together with unpleasant feelings of loneliness and brokenness and too many bad reminders of the past.

 

“I can’t...” She whispered then, pulling her hand down from her eyes just in time to see the confusion forming in Tobin’s eyes.

 

“Why not?” Tobin whispered again before she could stop herself.

 

“I’m not ready.” Christen admitted sadly.

 

Her heart felt like it was contracting too much, instantly hating that she couldn’t say yes right now. Hating the way Tobin’s features were changing as the words left her mouth.

 

“It's too soon.”

 

Tobin sighed loudly, dropping her head to the pillow next to Christen in frustration.

 

“Chris, we’ve been acting like we’re together for the last month anyway. What part of this is too soon?”

 

She was trying to keep the accusatory tone out of her voice, wanting to be able to give Christen a chance to explain herself, but it was proving a little difficult.

 

“We spend most of our free time together and we have sex... I mean, you're a part of me and Peyton’s life now.”

 

“I know.” Christen nodded, wrapping her arms around Tobin again to convey her sincerity with all of that. “And trust me when I say it’s wonderful. All of it. I don’t want to change a thing…”

 

“So then why won’t you be with me?” Tobin cut her off slightly, her tone getting a little more urgent.

 

She took another breath then to calm herself down before she got too upset, speaking in a softer tone after a moment.

 

“If it’s all so wonderful then I don’t really get why you won’t be my girlfriend...”

 

Christen cleared her throat like she was slightly unhappy that Tobin interrupted her in the first place, pausing herself before she spoke again.

 

She didn’t want this to be an argument right now; they’d been having such an amazing time together tonight. But she also needed to be honest with Tobin.

 

“I just need more time.” Christen started again. “My brain isn’t wired like yours and as much as I’m trying, I still haven’t been able to completely get over this gaping hole inside of me. It’s like when I finally start to think I’ve moved past it, something will come out of nowhere and knock me right back down. And I don’t think it’s fair to put you into a position where I can’t give one hundred percent of my emotions to you in a relationship. I don’t want to doubt us when you’ve given me no reason to, but that’s where my mind goes right now, and that tells me I’m not ready. So can you please just give me some more time?”

 

Tobin let out another long, drawn-out sigh and pushed herself up.

 

“Yeah…” She barely got out, willing her voice not to break.

 

She sat up completely then and scooted to the edge of the bed, letting her legs dangle over the side. Most of her naked body exposed now as the blanket fell off of her, as she faced towards the door away from Christen.

 

She crossed her arms over her stomach as she recoiled into herself, feeling the hurt starting to form from within.

 

She had just put herself out there after a moment of bliss and was shut down just as quickly.

 

As much as she didn’t want it to, it stung.

 

“Tobs...” Christen sat up then too, moving towards Tobin and wrapping her arms around Tobin’s stomach from behind.

 

“Can I please just have some space?” Tobin requested as she felt Christen’s arms move around her. “Just let me feel rejected in peace for a few minutes.”

 

“No.” Christen responded sternly, resting her face against Tobin’s shoulder blade. “Because that’s not what’s happening.”

 

“Sure feels like it.” Tobin argued back, her voice still carrying a hint of embarrassment.

 

“I’m sorry.” Christen breathed, placing a few soft kisses on Tobin’s shoulder. “I promise, I really like where we are right now and I don’t want us to change, or to not do all of the things we’ve been doing, I’m just not ready for the label yet... But if this is too much, then you just have to tell me. I can back off and keep my distance if you need me to.”

 

Tobin quickly let her mind wander to what it would be like to not have Christen around all the time, and right away, she couldn't even fathom it. Knowing it would completely be her fault if they messed this up right now.  She remembered the conversation she and Christen had outside the restaurant the first night they told each other they liked each other. Remembering she promised Christen she’d take anything she was willing to give her. Knowing she needed to keep that promise now.

 

Christen was the one who tried to hold off on them, and Tobin promised her one day at a time, with no expectations. It was unfair of her to go back on that now. She couldn’t, if it meant losing Christen before she even had her.

 

Tobin let out another breath and then turned around to look back at Christen, biting the inside of her lip as the beautiful green-eyed woman next to her smiled sadly.

 

“No, it’s not too much for me.” She admitted finally, looking into Christen’s eyes and hoping she hadn’t ruined this tonight. Hoping Christen wasn’t going to back away now from feeling pressured by Tobin.

 

“Can you please just be patient with me?” Christen whispered again, running her fingers down Tobin’s arm until she found her hand. “I care about you so much, Tobin and I don’t want to lose you.”

 

“I don’t want to lose you either.” Tobin husked out, clearing the lump in her throat as she nodded. “Of course I can be patient.”

 

She leaned in and kissed Christen’s forehead sweetly, letting her lips linger on the soft skin there as they both just paused for a moment. Silently reflecting as they sat close together.

 

Finally, Tobin was the one to pull them out of their trance.

 

“I’m gonna grab a bottle of water.” Tobin murmured as she pulled away a tiny bit, so Christen would let her go.”I’ll be right back.”

 

Christen nodded and kissed Tobin’s cheek again, releasing her grip from around her waist and lying back down onto the pillows again as Tobin got up.

 

She got them both a bottle of water and then made her way back to the bed, crawling under the covers where Christen had settled. Christen opened her arms like she was afraid to ask Tobin to come closer. Pulling her in with a smile when Tobin didn’t hesitate.

 

They held eye contact for a long moment until Christen broke the silence.

 

“Did I make you happy today?” She whispered quietly, thinking back to the conversation they'd had that night in Tobin’s bed.

 

“Yeah, really happy.” Tobin smiled genuinely as she nodded. “Did I make you happy?"

 

“Yeah.” Christen grinned in return. “You’ve always made me happy.”

 

“Good.” Tobin hummed, leaning in to kiss Christen’s lips for a moment.

 

“I’m sorry I’m broken.” Christen whispered then, letting her eyes find Tobin’s again.

 

The air was still heavy between them and they were both looking for a way back now.

 

“You’re not.” Tobin whispered, shaking her head slowly. “Please don’t think that.”

 

“I’m trying to work through it... I am.” Christen said then. “It’s just taking a while.”

 

“I know.” Tobin stopped her, kissing her forehead softly again. “And that’s totally fine. This weirdness right now is my fault. I’m the one who told you we could take this one day at a time and then I went and got ahead of myself and tried to push you too fast. That’s not fair of me.”

 

Christen ran her hand over Tobin’s forehead, pushing the baby hairs out of her face gently.

 

“It’s just hard cause you’re so damn amazing.” Tobin admitted then, smiling easily as she did. “It’s kinda hard to keep my cool and not want to rush this. You’re pretty perfect.”

 

Christen laughed in protest. “I’m so far from perfect, Tobin. You don’t even know.”

 

“I don’t mean that in, like, the unachievable way.” Tobin explained her choice of words. “I just mean, as someone I want to be around all the time, you’re perfect. Even when we're upset with each other or not on the same page, you steal my thoughts and you make me smile. Even if I don’t want to be smiling. You’re the sunniest person I’ve ever met. I feel content when I'm around you and you deserve so much happiness.”

 

“That’s really sweet of you to say.” Christen grinned softly. “I feel that way about you too.”

 

Christen had always thought she had a way with words, but sometimes Tobin just said it all perfectly. She didn’t even want to try and match that right now. There were a lot of raw emotions between them tonight and if she said anything else, she might just ruin it again.

 

So instead she just lifted her head enough to kiss Tobin another time, hoping she wasn’t overdoing it.

 

Tobin could feel the uncertainty in the way Christen was moving her lips, deepening their kiss as a way to tell her it was okay. They were going to be okay.

 

After a few minutes, they both yawned at practically the same time, feeling the emotions of the last hour catching up to them. It had been a long day anyway and suddenly they were both more than ready for sleep.

 

Tobin sat up and reached for the light on the ceiling of the camper, shutting it off so the whole RV when pitch black instantly. She pulled the covers up over their shoulders as they snuggled close together.

 

Both of them listening as the rain outside started to pick up a little more again, hitting the top of the camper soothingly, until it put them both to sleep.


	14. Moony Eyed Walrus.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanna see, I wanna see, I wanna see  
> Where the dreams you dreamt get bigger and bigger
> 
>  
> 
> .

 

**Welcome to the Blue Lagoon. Enter at your own risk!**

 

Christen laughed to herself as she stepped up onto the porch in front of Tobin and Peyton’s front door, reading the sign that was hung up on the outside of it. The words painted in blue spooky-looking letters.  

 

She had sent Tobin a text a minute ago letting her know that she was here and then quickly saw all the lights in the house turn off; followed by some sort of blue light turn on in the living room. Only slightly visible now from the windowpanes around the front door.

 

Tobin then replied and told her the front door was unlocked but to wait a minute before coming in, wanting to make sure they were ready.

 

Christen fixed the Hawaiian shirt she was currently wearing, which she had borrowed from Kelley and would never actually own herself, and then pulled a big camera out of her purse and put the strap around her neck.

 

Completing her Tourist costume that she was requested to wear for tonight’s festivities.

 

It was all for Peyton’s benefit, of course. The child had an idea of what she wanted to be for Halloween, and she needed Tobin and Christen to play specific characters as well to really make her vision work.

 

Christen didn’t mind going along with it one bit, and it got her out of coming up with a costume idea on her own anyway.

 

She looked at her phone to make sure it had been a full minute and then slowly turned the door handle to step inside the entryway. Finding nothing but darkness and blue lighting when she did.

 

There were no sounds at all.

 

Christen kicked her shoes off and dropped her purse in the entryway before she made her way further into the house. Walking slowly in case someone was about to pop out at her unexpectedly. Smiling widely with a bit of nerves the whole way as she rounded the corner into the living room.

 

Tobin was standing there in front of some sort of fabric canvas that was hanging on the wall over the TV, turning to look at Christen with a big smile of her own.

 

“Hey.” Tobin whispered as soon as she saw the green-eyed woman come into view.

 

They both grinned at each other’s costumes before breaking into quiet laughs at the same time.

 

Tobin had a big tan safari hat on with a tan button up shirt that was buttoned all the way up to the top. The words _Blue Lagoon Tour Guide_ were written on a sticky name tag that was stuck to the left-hand side of her shirt. With matching shorts and black boots on, like she worked in some sort of zoo in the Outback or something.

 

Christen was the tourist and Tobin was the tour guide.

 

“You look adorable.” Christen whisper-laughed again as she moved in close to Tobin, ducking under the brim of her big hat to kiss her lips a few times in a row.

 

“Thanks. So do you.” Tobin chuckled in return, letting Christen kiss her again. “You look hot in Hawaiian shirts. You should steal that from Kelley.”

 

“I wouldn’t be caught dead in this any other day than Halloween.” Christen grinned, kissing Tobin’s cheek then. “And this is only for Miss Peyton.”

 

“Fair enough.” Tobin nodded. “Thank you for being such a good sport. She’s very excited about tonight.”

 

“Good.” Christen nodded. “I am too.”

 

Tobin heard the kid clear her throat from down the hallway, poking her head out from her bedroom doorway just enough to get Tobin’s attention.

 

Tobin noticed her and then turned back to Christen, giving her a wink. “Will you sit down on the couch, please? PJ is getting anxious to start.”

 

“Oh, sorry. Yes of course.” Christen nodded, moving away from Tobin and sitting down on the couch as directed.

 

Once she had a full view of the big cloth canvas hanging in front of where the TV usually was, she laughed again. In a more appreciative way this time.

 

The canvas was painted into a Lagoon backdrop, with green and blue shades of painted rocks and moss filled water. With the blue tinted light bulb shining right on it for added effect.

 

Christen knew Tobin had been working on the project for the last week, but she never expected it to be so well done. Tobin was much more of an artist than she let on.

 

The brunette looked over at Christen one more time as she cleared her throat, ready to start whatever it was that was about to happen. Standing up straight in front of the Lagoon and fixing her hat a little.

 

_“Ladies and Gentleman!”_

 

Tobin shouted then, loud enough so Peyton would hear her from where she was waiting in her bedroom.

 

“Or just one lady who is by herself on this tour, I guess.” She started to laugh at her own joke as Christen shrugged her shoulders playfully.

 

_“Welcome to the Blue Lagoon.”_

 

Christen lifted her camera to her eye and took a few photos of Tobin in front of the background, both of them getting into character immediately.

 

“This Lagoon can be dangerous!” Tobin’s voice boomed out in a lower octave. “There is a creature with large, fanged teeth, who lives in these waters. Known only to us humans as the Moony Eyed Walrus.”

 

The two adults looked at each other and laughed softly again at all of this. Tobin just shrugged and started to speak again, not wanting to keep Peyton waiting much longer. She knew she had strict directions from the child that she needed to follow in order to make this scene happen the right way.

 

“The Moony Eyed Walrus casts shadows on us down here on our ship. It comes out of the water when you least expect it! It’s dark and dingy, and a gloomy shade of green.”

 

“Wow, that sounds scary!” Christen yelled out.

 

“It is!” Tobin agreed. “It looks oddly ferocious. And its giant eyes are bulging from its head.”

 

“Oh my gosh!” Christen gasped dramatically.

 

“Now, we start our journey.” Tobin yelled again. “We'll try not to wind up dead!”

 

She bent down and hit play on her phone, starting the sound effects that she had downloaded for this exact moment. Rushing water and whipping winds blaring through the Bluetooth speakers in the living room, to make it seem like they were sailing along through the Lagoon.

 

After a few moments, a loud crack of thunder roared out in the room, giving Peyton her cue.

 

The light in the hallway flipped on and the kid stepped out from her bedroom.

 

Christen couldn’t see her yet from where she was seated on the couch, but Tobin could.

 

She jumped back in fake terror, pointing down the hall at Peyton.

 

“There it is!” She pointed with a big smile, breaking character for just a moment to laugh before she could refocus. “Quick! Up the planks of the ladder, one by one. We need to escape.”

 

Christen started to laugh too, biting her lip to try and be serious.

 

This was all very hilarious to both of them, but they were trying to be good.

 

_“RAWRRRR.”_

 

Christen heard the roar from down the hallway, watching as a mini monster came walking menacingly into the living room.

 

Peyton’s costume was a full dark green dinosaur suit that was zipped up so only her face was showing. With big walrus fangs made of thick paper mache hanging down past her face and two big round eyes, painted like moons, fastened to the hood. The puffed out tail on the suit swaying behind her as she walked.

 

She was the Moony Eyed Walrus.

 

She was walking with her legs stick straight, stepping slowly with her legs out to the sides of her body in a weird march, like she was some sort of possessed monster.

 

“Oh no!’ Christen yelled again as she pulled her camera back up to her eyes, starting to take a couple more pictures, this time of the monster. “I think it’s gonna get us!”

 

Peyton made it into the living room and looked at both adults, smiling widely as well because she just couldn’t help it. She was absolutely loving every moment of this.

 

“Rawrr!” She yelled again, heading right for Tobin in front of the Lagoon canvas.

 

“Oh man! We’re gonna be trapped. The Moony Eyed Walrus is gonna get us!” Tobin pretended to panic.

 

“Uh oh!” Christen put her hands up as she started to sit back into the couch further like she was terrified. “Quick, we need to find an escape route!”

 

Peyton stopped walking and turned to Tobin quickly.

 

“Time out.” She whispered, unzipping her hood a little so she could talk easier.

 

“What, why?” Tobin bent down through a laugh as she whispered back, wondering why they were stopping.

 

“You have to save her Toby!” Peyton stomped her foot a little like she was annoyed that Tobin was forgetting the parts that they’d discussed prior to starting the act.

 

“Oh yeah.” Tobin laughed with a nod. “Sorry. Okay, I’m ready.”

 

Peyton took a moment to zip her hood all the way back up, getting back into character.

 

“Okay time in.” She mumbled again when she was re-situated in her costume.

 

Tobin smiled at her and waited for her cue to continue.

 

“Ahhhh! Rawrrrr!” Peyton shouted then, turning to walk towards Christen with her slow monster movements.

 

Tobin darted around Peyton to where Christen was sitting on the couch, blocking the scary walrus from her path like the hero she was about to be.

 

“I’m supposed to save you.” Tobin grinned down at Christen almost sensually. “I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you, beautiful girl.”

 

“Oh…” Christen grinned back up at her.  “Yes, please save me! I’d never make it out alive on my own.”

 

Tobin bent down and scooped Christen up into her arms just like Peyton had wanted her to, not wasting any more time with the monster quickly approaching.

 

Christen let out a soft squeal as Tobin lifted her up easily, holding her sideways in her strong arms. Christen wrapped her arm around Tobin’s neck to hold herself close at the same time.

 

They both forgot what was happening for a moment, looking at each other a little too intimately. Tobin bit her bottom lip as they held eye contact, dying to kiss Christen right then and there, until Peyton continued with her movements and pulled them out of their trance again.  

 

Tobin then spun them both around to try and escape the threat, trying to move towards the kitchen with Christen still in her arms.

 

“RAWRRR!” Peyton ran at them then, yelling a little louder now. She stuck her small arms out and wrapped them around Tobin’s waist once she reached the pair.

 

The child pushed them all back towards the couch again until they were falling into it softly, all three of them laughing as they plopped down onto the cushions.

 

“She got us!” Tobin yelled out, pulling Peyton into her and Christen until they were all hugging tightly. “The Moony Eyed Walrus got us!”

 

“This is my Lagoon!” Peyton giggled out. “No humans allowed! I’m going to eat you for dinner.”

 

Christen and Tobin had already lost it, belly laughing too hard to even try and be serious anymore. Peyton didn’t seem to mind though, she just climbed up on Christen’s lap, who was still sitting mostly on Tobin’s lap and laughed right along with them. Her dinosaur tail sticking out behind her as she finally took her hood off again and broke character.

 

“Oh, the illusion is shattered!” Tobin teased her, rustling Peyton’s hair gently. “You’re just a cute kid not a scary monster, after all.”

 

“Uh, thank goodness.” Christen joined in. “I was so worried we weren’t going to make it!”

 

“Was I really scary?!” Peyton’s face lit up as she looked right at Christen, wanting the woman’s true opinion on her homemade costume.

 

“The scariest.” Christen nodded surely. “Your costume is awesome.”

 

“Yes!” Peyton pumped her fist. “I’m gonna scare everyone at the Haunted Hayride.”

 

“You definitely will.” Christen encouraged her again. “Did you see how scared Toby was? She almost left me behind! I don’t think she was ever gonna get us both out alive.”

 

“Hey, I totally would have.” Tobin squeezed Christen’s hip gently at her teasing. “I’ll always save you, no matter what.”

 

“No! You only lived because I let you!” Peyton pointed out seriously as she climbed down off of their laps to stand on the ground again.

 

“Yeah, well...” Tobin laughed a little. “How about we don’t say that sentence out in public. It sounds a little murdery.”

 

Peyton was unfazed by Tobin’s comments as she let out another practice _RAWR!_ , flexing her muscles just like Tobin had taught her before she ran back towards her bedroom again. Her giant tail swaying behind her hilariously before she disappeared out of sight quickly.

 

“I love her.” Christen smiled as she adjusted on Tobin’s lap, looking down at the brunette underneath her. “She’s the cutest.”

 

“And the scariest.” Tobin pointed out. “She loves you too. Tells me all the time.”

 

“Really? Ahh, she’s so sweet.” Christen melted a little at the thought of Peyton telling Tobin that.

 

She paused and then ran her fingertips along Tobin’s jawline as she thought on her words for a moment.

 

“And you are too, by the way. You did so great with getting this all ready for her. Her costume, and the background, and your own costume. I can tell how much it means to her and it’s really, really wonderful to see how hard you try for her.”

 

“I just want to make her happy.” Tobin shrugged off Christen’s compliment with a soft smile. “I want to make you both happy.”

 

“I know you do.” Christen whispered as she ran her thumb over Tobin’s bottom lip.

 

They looked at each other for a long moment before Christen reached up and lifted Tobin’s safari hat off of her head and then leaned down to kiss her again. Slower this time now that they weren’t in a rush to get scared by the Moony Eyed Walrus.

 

They let their lips move together in a perfect rhythm until Tobin opened her mouth a little, searching for Christen’s tongue. Both of them letting themselves really enjoy the kiss exactly the way they wanted to.

 

Peyton yelled out from her bedroom after a minute, finally breaking their concentration on each other.

 

“Toby?”

 

Christen pulled back from their kiss slowly and then plopped Tobin’s hat gently back down on her head, giving Tobin a smile and a little breathing room so she could answer Peyton.

 

“Yeah, bud?” Tobin yelled back, waiting to hear what the kid needed.

 

“I hafta pee!” Peyton yelled in return.

 

Tobin and Christen both laughed at her admission as Christen stood up from her lap.

 

“She needs help getting out of that suit.” Tobin explained as she stood up from the couch too. “I’ll get her situated and then we should probably head out.”

 

“Perfect, I’m ready when you guys are.” Christen agreed, watching as Tobin headed for Peyton’s bedroom so they could get ready to go.

 

Christen’s work sponsored a Haunted Hayride and Halloween night every year out at the Plantation and they were going to stop at a couple of their friend’s houses for Trick-or-Treating on the way out there. Starting with Kelley’s house.

 

Once they were finally ready to leave, it took a few minutes for them to get Peyton loaded into Tobin’s truck. They had to figure out how she could sit in the backseat with her costume on, while still being able to wear her seatbelt, but eventually they made it work. She was just propped up a little higher than normal which made her giggle the whole drive to Kelley’s.

 

It appeared that Kelley had gone all out for Halloween too, which was evident as soon as they pulled into her driveway. Her front porch was wrapped in that gross fake spiderweb material and there was a black and white sign hanging over the front door that read _BEWARE_. With some fake bats dangling down in front of the doormat and two fake human skulls resting on the steps.

 

“This is _so cool_!”Peyton shouted and clapped her hands together excitedly as soon as she saw the decorations.

 

“Wow, do you all just love Halloween or what?” Christen questioned curiously now that she was seeing Kelley’s house too.

 

“Yeah, we used to be pretty big on pranking each other this time of year.” Tobin responded as she shut her truck off. “That has thankfully mellowed out quite a bit after one particularly bad and unmentionable experience, but Halloween is still pretty fun anyway.”

 

Christen’s interest was peaked now. “Why is it unmentionable?” she wondered.

 

“Because there are kid ears in the car.” Tobin grinned as she looked over at Christen again. “Remind me later and I’ll tell you about it.”

 

“So it obviously involves Kelley.” Christen shook her head playfully. “I can’t even begin to imagine.”

 

“Can we get out!” Peyton piped up anxiously from the backseat when the adults weren’t moving fast enough for her liking.

 

“Yeah, dude, we can get out.” Tobin quieted her easily as she pushed her driver’s side door open and hopped out.

 

She lifted Peyton out of the backseat and fixed her hood so the Walrus eyes were pointed in the right direction again before they all made their way up the sidewalk to Kelley’s door.

 

Peyton grinned up at Tobin and then stepped forward to ring the doorbell, holding her pumpkin pail in her hands to collect all the candy she was about to receive. Tobin reached over and laced a couple fingers with Christen’s, pulling her a little closer as they waited.  

 

The doorbell rang loud enough that the three of them could hear it from outside on the porch, waiting in silence for Kelley to come to the door. The house looked pitch black through the windows, but Tobin knew that Kelley had put black paper over them and that she was actually home.

 

She had texted her freckled friend a few minutes ago and was told to come on over.

 

After about thirty seconds of waiting patiently, Peyton looked back up at Tobin for reassurance.

 

“Ring it again.” Tobin nodded towards the doorbell. “Maybe she didn’t hear it?”

 

Peyton did as she was told, bouncing on her toes a little once she did. Another few seconds went by before they all heard a few leaves crunch behind them on the sidewalk at the same time.

 

Without really thinking about it, Tobin turned her head to see what the noise was, feeling her stomach drop out in an instant as she let go of Christen’s hand.

 

Kelley popped up from where she was crouched down behind Tobin, jumping towards the brunette to scare her as she yelled out loudly.  

 

She was wearing a Scream mask and she was holding a fake knife in her hands for added effect.

 

Tobin let out an unusually high-pitched shriek in surprised reaction, swinging her fist at Kelley out of pure instinct at being scared before lowering her pitch and yelling again. “Fuck!”

 

“What the hell, dude!” Kelley started to scoff after Tobin’s fist barely missed her, whipping the mask off quickly to show it was just her. “Did you just try to punch me?!”

 

“Jesus, Kelley.” Tobin put her hand over her heart like she couldn’t breathe. “Are you kidding me? Why was that necessary?”

 

She gave the shorter girl a hefty shove for good measure before they all started to laugh at Tobin’s reaction.

 

“Oh my god, your face.” Kelley pointed at her and then doubled over in hysterics.

 

“Shut up.” Tobin rolled her eyes, standing up a little taller to act like that hadn’t bothered her as much as she had let on.

 

Peyton hadn’t really seen all the commotion since she had been standing closest to the door on the other side of Tobin, so she wasn’t freaked out at all and thought it was just as funny as Kelley did.

 

She squeezed in between where Christen and Tobin were standing and jumped into Kelley to give her a hug, wanting to show off her costume now that they had gotten their laughing out of the way.

 

“Hey, munchkin!” Kelley beamed as soon as she saw Peyton. “Wow! Your costume is so cool! Are you a dinosaur?!”

 

“I’m a Moony Eyed Walrus!” Peyton corrected her. “It’s _way_ more scary!”

 

“It looks really scary! Great job, kiddo.” Kelley started to chuckle again before she looked up at Christen. “Hey Chris, I love your shirt.”

 

“Hey, thanks.” Christen smiled. “Tobin wants me to keep it.”

 

“Ew. Nope.” Kelley put her hand up like she didn’t want to hear any more about that topic, like it involved some sort of weird fetish of Tobin’s for Christen to wear that shirt.

 

Peyton changed the subject just in the nick of time before some sort of inappropriate joke was made, most likely at Tobin’s expense.

 

“Can I do the Trick or Treat now?” The kid wondered, trying to get them back on track for why they were really here.

 

“Yeah!” Kelley nodded. “Sorry, I just had to scare Tobin quick. I’ll go back inside and we can do the real thing.”

 

Kelley took off running around to the backside of her house again instead of just going in the front door that was right there. Peyton gave her a minute and then rang the doorbell once more, this time getting an answer quickly.

 

“Trick or Treat!” She yelled out excitedly as soon as Kelley had the door open from the inside.

 

“Woah! A Moony Eyed Walrus!” Kelley gasped like she was being surprised by the kid’s costume all over again. “Freaky, dude!”

 

She stuck a big bowl of candy out and let Peyton take a whole handful of it to drop into her pumpkin bucket before they all made their way inside.

 

Peyton immediately pulled Christen further into the house to show her the rest of the Halloween decorations as Kelley elbowed Tobin playfully in the entryway, once they were out of earshot.

 

“Okay, what the heck is a Moony Eyed Walrus?” She grinned in question.

 

“I have no idea.” Tobin laughed back. “But you're looking at it, I guess. That’s all PJ’s vision.”

 

“Was she super high when she told you what she wanted to be?” Kelley joked.

 

“If she wasn’t only eight, I’d probably consider that.” Tobin smiled, knowing Kelley was obviously kidding. “You know how wild her imagination is.”

 

“It’s the best.” Kelley nodded in agreement. “Nice job on the costume for real, she looks super cool. It’s very unique.”

 

“Thanks, dude.” Tobin hummed as they moved into the kitchen too.

 

The three of them hung out at Kelley’s for a little bit before they got back into Tobin’s truck, knowing they still needed to make a stop at Alex and Servando’s house before the Haunted Hayride.

 

“So are you going to scream like that every time you get scared tonight?” Christen gave Tobin a wicked smile after she put her seatbelt back on in the passenger’s seat; bringing up Kelley and Tobin’s incident from earlier.

 

“What?... No.” Tobin waved her off casually, starting her truck as she did. “She just caught me off guard for a minute...”

 

“Uh huh, sure…” Christen laughed. She was happy to have a moment to tease Tobin about it without Kelley being there to make it any worse.

 

“Toby always gets so scared.” Peyton mentioned from the backseat as she listened to their conversation.

 

“I do not!” Tobin argued back playfully. “When do I get scared?”

 

“When we read Goosebumps and you make us keep the lights on.” Peyton answered quickly, teasing Tobin like she was on Christen’s side of this pretend argument.

 

Of course she was.

 

“That’s just because it’s easier to read if the lights are on.” Tobin defended herself.

 

“Yeah but remember…  last year we had to skip the Haunted House cause you screamed too much on the Hayride! Do you remember that, Toby?”

 

Peyton was suddenly very diligent in keeping track of Tobin’s embarrassing moments.

 

Tobin looked over at Christen with narrowed eyes and a guilty smile and shook her head no.

 

“ _Aww_ , I’ll protect you...” Christen teased in a sarcastic voice as reached for Tobin’s hand that was resting on the center console to hold onto it. “It’s okay to be scared.”

 

“You can protect me, but I’m not scared.” Tobin laughed and then turned around to look back at Peyton. “Stop selling me out, PJ. I thought we were a team here?”

 

“But it’s so funny!” Peyton giggled again. “You scream so loud.”

 

“Yeah, but don’t tell her that, I’m trying to get her to like me!” Tobin continued through a big smile.

 

“How come? She already likes you.” Peyton cocked her head a little like she was starting to get confused.

 

“She does?” Tobin grinned connivingly.

 

“Uh huh.” Peyton nodded exaggeratedly in return.

 

“She does.” Christen seconded, giving Tobin a wink when she turned to look at Christen in the front seat again.

 

“That’s why she always kisses you when she thinks I don’t see!” Peyton added as she smiled widely.

 

Oh, how quickly the tables were turning.

 

Now it was Christen’s turn to blush at being called out, even though she wasn’t actually embarrassed.

 

“Ohh, caught!” Tobin threw her head back in laughter. “Dang, honey, we gotta work on our sneaking. PJ is too smart for us.”

 

“Geez, I guess so.” Christen grinned right back at Tobin easily. “I thought we were doing pretty good with that.”

 

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna sneak anymore.” Peyton mentioned then. “You’re not very good at it anyway cause I always see you.”

 

Tobin looked back at the kid in the rearview mirror again. “You don’t mind if I kiss Christen in front of you sometimes?”

 

“No, that’s okay.” Peyton shrugged like she couldn’t care less.

 

Tobin chuckled again, turning to make eye contact with Christen quickly. She scrunched up her face happily and then leaned over the center to try and steal a kiss from the dark-haired woman, only because Peyton had just told her she could.

 

Christen let Tobin get one quick kiss on her lips before she pulled away and looked out the window with a smile, making Tobin laugh again.  

 

“Can we go see Blue and Auntie Alex now?” Peyton requested as she started to get bored in the backseat. “I need more candy!”

 

“Yeah, we’re going.” Tobin nodded as she finally put her seatbelt on too and started to back out of Kelley’s driveway. “You little sugar monster.”

 

They drove to the other side of town, not far from Christen’s place, and parked on the street under the creepiest looking streetlight they could. Which really wasn’t saying much in their well-populated neighborhood.

 

Alex and Servando’s house wasn’t nearly as hauntingly decorated as Kelley’s was, but the cute family pumpkin display on the porch made Christen smile at how homey and inviting their place seemed right away.

 

She had only met the couple one other time, out at Mana’s luau two weeks after she moved to Kauai, but she had heard a lot of good things about them since; mainly from Tobin.

 

Peyton stepped up and rang the doorbell and a series of loud barks came from inside the house immediately.

 

Christen turned to look at Tobin with a delighted look on her face as soon as she heard the noise.

 

“They have a dog?!”

 

Tobin chuckled and pulled Christen in close as she put an arm around her shoulder.

 

“Yes, they have a dog.” She murmured as she kissed Christen’s temple softly.  

 

After a moment, the front door opened and a big, light brown dog came barreling out of the house. He quickly jumped up on Peyton and gave her a bunch of kisses, right on her mouth, with his tail wagging rapidly in excitement.

 

“Blue!” Peyton giggled as she pushed him down. “I’m a scary monster! No kisses right now!”

 

The pup had a bright blue collar on that had a big tag hanging from it, with _SD_ painted on it, and fake dark brown spots painted on his lighter colored fur; looking just like Scooby Doo.

 

Alex moved around from behind the door that she had just opened, smiling at them all excitedly.

 

“Trick or Treat!” Peyton grinned as she stepped past the dog, clearly on a mission to get Alex’s attention right away.

 

“Wow! Hey, kiddo!” Alex’s raspy voice echoed in the entryway as she looked down at Peyton. “You must be a Moony Eyed Walrus!”

 

Tobin gave Christen a wink, silently letting her know that Alex had been previously informed of their planned costumes and wasn’t just a really good guesser.

 

“Rawrrrr!” Peyton bellowed in response, holding her pumpkin pail out a little further.

 

Alex started to laugh, dumping a bunch of candy into the kid's bucket as she did. “Eat the candy, not me, please!”

 

“Thank you.” Peyton smiled politely when she had an adequate amount of sugar in her possession again.

 

“Hey, you two.” Alex finally looked up from Peyton to acknowledge the two adults behind her. “Tourist and Tour Guide. Super cute, I love it.”

 

The blue-eyed woman had a short purple dress on with an orange scarf and a fake red wig, motioning for them to enter as she moved back into her house.

 

Servando came walking into the room then too with a beer in his hand, wearing a platinum blonde fake wig over his usually dark hair, with a white sweater and blue slacks on.

 

They all matched perfectly as Fred, Daphne, and Scooby.

 

“Scooby-Doo and Family?” Tobin laughed as they all looked each other over. “That’s fantastic.”

 

Alex nodded in confirmation at Tobin’s guess as she moved in to hug her friend, before turning to Christen to hug her as well.

 

“Thanks. We wanted to do something with Blue boy and this was the easiest thing I could think of.”

 

“Oh my gosh, you all look great and he is so cute.” Christen gushed, kneeling down to the dog as soon as Alex pulled back from their hug. Letting the happy dog lick all over her face right away.

 

“He’s pretty awesome.” Alex nodded in agreement.

 

“Auntie Alex got him from the homeless shelter when he was just a little puppy.” Peyton explained as she sat down next to Christen and Blue on the ground.

 

“She means the dog shelter.” Tobin corrected the kid with a gentle laugh. “Where the doggies and kitties come from.”

 

“Oh yeah.” Peyton nodded her head firmly in agreement. “The doggie shelter.”

 

“There’s a shelter in town?” Christen questioned excitedly. “I didn’t know that.”

 

“Yeah, I go like once a month for work.” Alex mentioned in response. “It’s a great way to volunteer.”

 

“And sometimes I go with her.” Peyton added. “Well only one time I did, but I am gonna go again.”

 

“Yeah, PJ, you gotta come again.” Alex agreed. “Christen can come with us, too.”

 

“I would honestly love that.” Christen looked up at her quickly, nodding her head. “Just let me know when.”

 

“Next Friday.” Alex laughed in quick response. “I think, anyway. I’ll double check my schedule. But yes, come with me!”

 

“I have to beg her not to bring home a new dog every time she goes.” Servando smiled as he wrapped his arm around his wife. “We don’t have a big enough house for more dogs.”

 

“Not yet, we don’t.” Alex mumbled as she took his beer out of his hand and took a swig of it herself. “One day, though, when we own a farm.”

 

“Oh my gosh, yes.” Christen smiled as she stood back up. “Dog farm.”

 

“Dog farm!” Alex pointed at Christen and then looked back at Servando.”See, babe. I’m not the only one.”

 

Tobin and Servando looked at each other and shook their heads at the two women’s instant connection over their love of dogs.

 

“Sounds like you better start saving too, Tobs.” Alex grinned just as the doorbell rang again. “Farms are expensive. I’ve looked into it.”

 

She spun out of Servando’s grip and moved to answer the door as more Trick-or-Treaters greeted her loudly.

 

Tobin smiled at what Alex was insinuating with that comment and then looked down at Peyton again.

 

“We should probably keep moving, Squirt. We’re gonna stop and get some burgers on our way to the Hayride, otherwise, you’re just gonna turn into pure sugar.”

 

“Can we go to Bubba’s?” Peyton asked excitedly.

 

“Of course!” Tobin nodded. “We only eat Bubba’s Burgers in our house, remember.”

 

“It’s the best!” Peyton wailed out in a silly voice, reaching her hands up so Tobin could pull her back to her feet from the ground.

 

“So we’ll see you guys out at the plantation, right?” Tobin confirmed with her friends.

 

“Yep, as soon as Kel gets here we’re gonna head out there.” Alex nodded. “Shouldn’t be too long. Wait for us so we can ride the trail with you guys.”

 

“We will for sure.” Christen chimed in. “It sounds like Tobin needs a lot of friendly faces nearby during this anyway.”

 

Alex started to laugh and slapped Tobin on the back once. “You have no idea…”

 

“Oh my god.” Tobin rolled her eyes again as she ushered Peyton towards the door. “It was one time.”

 

“See you soon.” Alex sing-songed as she watched them step out of the door again.

 

Tobin took Christen and Peyton to Bubba’s Burgers for dinner. It was a small drive-in style restaurant that had kids delivering food right to the car windows while trying to balance on roller skates. Tonight they were all dressed in various costumes which made their food transportation all the more difficult and shaky.

 

Tobin would swear Bubba’s made the best burgers she’s ever had in her life.

 

That declaration prompted a long but playful argument between Tobin and Christen about how In-n-Out was highly overrated and didn’t even come close to Bubba’s.

 

Christen only threatened to never speak to Tobin again once because of it, and they eventually just agreed to disagree until further notice.

 

Of course, Peyton sided with Christen again, even though she’s never had In-n-Out before and Christen gave her a solid high-five from the front seat once she did.

 

Tobin pretended she hated it.

 

When they were done eating and had the ketchup stain cleaned off of Peyton’s costume, they drove out to the Plantation for the Haunted Hayride and Halloween festivities.

 

They met Kelley, Alex, and Servando in the parking lot to walk in together, with the whole group congregating behind Servando’s truck as they fixed their costumes and got themselves situated again.

 

Alex had brought along a big thermos of homemade hot pineapple cider, their favorite Hawaiian Autumn drink, for the group to share, and they all stood around and had some of it before they went inside the fenced-in area around the festival.

 

“Who wants some fun juice in their drink?” Kelley questioned as she pulled a small flask out of her purse that she had brought with.

 

“I do!” Peyton was the first one to speak up, without even knowing what Kelley was referring to.

 

“How about we go in and get you something else to drink, bud?” Tobin bent down next to the child as they stood in a circle. “Are you thirsty?”

 

“Yeah, but I really like juice.” Peyton pointed up at Kelley. “I will have some of that.”

 

“Auntie Kelley’s juice is only for adults.” Tobin explained. “It’s really gross and you won’t like it.”

 

“How come she always drink gross juice?” Peyton scrunched up her face a little in question.

 

This wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation.  

 

Kelley and Alex started to laugh at Peyton’s words while Christen quietly watched Tobin.

 

“Because she’s gross.” Tobin shrugged and stood back up. “Let’s go get you something better.”

 

She stuck her hand out for Peyton to take, which the child did right away. She then looked over at Christen again.

 

“You wanna stay with the gross adults or come with us?” She questioned with a smile.

 

Peyton didn’t give Christen a choice though, reaching her free hand out to take Christen’s, so she was holding onto both her and Tobin now with one hand each.

 

“I will come with you.” Christen nodded back to Tobin, both of them knowing she couldn’t say no.

 

“We’ll see you guys inside.” Tobin winked at Kelley and Alex and they smiled happily back at her.

 

The trio took off towards the entrance of the Halloween festival and Alex and Kelley elbowed each other excitedly as they watched them walk away.

 

Peyton holding both of their hands with her giant dinosaur tail still wiggling behind her as they walked.

 

Tobin acted like she didn’t hear Kelley whisper something to Alex about _wittle Toby_ and _love_.

 

Once they got inside, Tobin bought Peyton a bottle of water and they walked around from booth to booth while they waited on the other three to join them. There were face painting stations and a pumpkin decorating booth next to various food stands, but the kid was mostly interested in visiting all the stands that had candy.

 

She had her pumpkin bucket filled completely to the top by the time they hit every last booth.

 

Eventually, they all got in line for the Haunted Hayride, with Peyton passing out candy to them as they waited. Really, she was just giving away her least favorite pieces, but the adults didn’t mind. Tobin even snuck a packet of Sour Patch Kids for herself when the kid wasn’t looking.

 

They found Mana when they got the front of the line, working the festival as part of her job with at the Coffee Company. It was one of her favorite events each year and this year was no different.

 

The younger woman was busy dispersing people into groups as the tractor trailers would come to pick people up for the ride. She had the upper hand since she worked at the Plantation and she was able to rig it so just her six friends could ride together, without any other people.

 

They all climbed aboard one particularly rickety trailer that had hay bails as seats and Mana gave them all a wry smile and a wave, sending them on their way. Holding weird eye contact with Tobin for a long moment, like something was up.

 

She couldn’t put her finger on what it was about but it made her feel anxious as they pulled away from the starting point, only to forget about it quickly as they rounded the first bend in the trail.

 

Most of the ride was pretty typical. There were various scary points where masked monsters with fake chainsaws or axes would pop out and they’d all scream together before realizing there was no danger. Even Peyton did well, for the most part, only cowering into Tobin’s side a couple times before she’d pop right back out with a big smile on her face.

 

It wasn’t nearly as scary as Tobin remembered it being last year.

 

Maybe she was just trying to be brave since Christen was there with them. She had insisted she wasn’t scared already and she was trying to prove a point to her friends who had been teasing her all night.

 

They got a little over halfway through the planned course when the tractor that was pulling them along came to an abrupt stop. The driver, an older man with a creepy clown mask on turned around to face the group. Looking at them eerily without saying a word.

 

He picked up the lantern that he had resting next to his feet up front and then stood up and hopped down to the ground, moving around to the trailer as he held the lantern up by his face.

 

He then stopped right next to where Tobin was sitting on the outside of the group and held the lantern out to her, pointing at her and Christen, who was sitting across from her, as he did.

 

“Off.” He demanded in a creepy voice.

 

Tobin laughed a little in a confused response. “Huh?”

 

This was not part of the same Hayride they did last year.

 

“Get. Off.” He enunciated again. Pointing slowly from Tobin to Christen, like he only meant them.

 

“Dude, what?” Tobin whispered as she turned to her left to look at her friends.

 

They all kind of just gave her a shrug like they had no idea what was happening either.

 

“Two people must walk back and I. Choose. You.” The guy said again. “Otherwise none of you will survive.”

 

He then let out a loud manic laugh like he was crazy.

 

Tobin looked down at Peyton who was ducking behind Servando a little bit. She seemed genuinely freaked out and Tobin didn’t feel comfortable with her in this situation any longer. The clown guy was being a little too weird.

 

“Are you gonna take them back if we get off?” She asked seriously. “I don’t think Peyton is having fun anymore.”

 

“Then you better hurry.” The guy husked out, shaking his head wildly.

 

“Okay... “ Christen seemed puzzled too. “Can we just keep going? I’m sure you’re trying to be funny but she’s only eight. I think this is a little much.”

 

Kelley pulled out a piece of candy from her pocket and offered it to Peyton as a distraction, trying to ease the kid's nerves. Peyton grinned and took it out of her hands and focused on Kelley for a moment.

 

“Only four will make it back. Only four will make it back. Only four will make it back.”

 

The guy was chanting now, walking back and forth next to the trailer as he shook his head.

 

“Tobs, let's just walk. I know the way back anyway, we can cut through and let them keep moving.”

 

Christen figured she had an advantage since she also worked there. She knew the land well enough now, and she knew she could guide them through the rows of coffee trees that were growing across the fields. They’d probably even beat the rest of the group back if they walked fast enough.

 

“PJ, can you stay with Kel and Al?” Tobin looked to the kid for confirmation. “Is it okay if we meet you at the end?”

 

“Ummm.” She looked to each of the adults slowly and Alex and Kelley were both nodding at her to make it seem like they weren’t scared and that this was a good idea.

 

“Okay.”

 

“They’ll be safe, kiddo.” Servando mentioned to the child. “We can race Tobin and Christen back, okay?”

 

“Okay.” Peyton nodded a little more confidently this time.

 

The clown guy handed the lantern in his hand over to Tobin as she jumped down from the trailer. She then held her hand out to help Christen jump down too until they were both standing on the hard ground next to their ride.

 

“Race ya.” Tobin smiled at Peyton again. “Last one there has to give away all their candy.”

 

“No way!” Peyton perked up, looking at the clown driver again. “Get a move on, mister!”

 

“We’re going!” The driver nodded as he hopped back up on the tractor.

 

Without another word, the group pulled away, leaving Tobin and Christen standing there in the darkness with only the small lantern in Tobin’s hand.

 

Tobin and Christen didn’t notice the way Kelley and Alex high-fived Peyton as they were moving out of sight.

 

“Alright then.” Tobin turned to look at Christen. “Nature woman, back in her element. No big deal. This is fine.”

 

They both laughed a little to ease the spookiness of the situation.

 

“I will start by saying I’m a little freaked out.” Christen murmured as she stepped into Tobin for a hug. “But I’m glad you’re here with me. It’s not a far walk and we have the lantern. Nothing bad is going to happen, right?”

 

“Right.” Tobin nodded. “Do you want to lead since you know the way?”

 

“Yeah, sure.” Christen sighed as she kissed Tobin quickly. “And if this goes badly then we can just stop and make out until someone finds us?”

 

“Sounds like a plan.” Tobin grinned and kissed her again.

 

They diverted from the usual trail and cut through the rows of coffee trees heading back in the direction of the main plantation buildings; towards the parking lot where the rest of the festivities were happening.

 

They walked slowly as Tobin kept her arms wrapped almost completely around Christen’s waist behind her, matching each other step for step. Not saying much of anything out loud.

 

Christen was silently telling herself that this was just a nighttime version of the walking tour that Mana had given her on her second day of working here. Nothing could be scary about it if they knew their surroundings.

 

The moon was covered by clouds as they moved, but every now and then it would peek out into an area of clear sky and give them just a little more light to see with.

 

That came in handy every time the lantern flickered in Christen’s hands and then went out.

 

It was like a weird pattern. The battery-powered lantern would be on for a minute, and then it would turn off for a few long moments, before Christen would give it a good shake and it would come back on.  

 

“Why do you keep shutting that off, honey?” Tobin finally spoke up after the fourth time it happened.  “We can’t see where we’re going when it’s off.”

 

“I’m not shutting it off, babe.” Christen hummed, holding it up a little higher in front of them. “I don’t know what’s happening but it’s doing it by itself.”

 

“Can I see it?” Tobin questioned like she didn’t believe her.

 

Christen passed the lantern back so Tobin could inspect it. The older woman shook it a couple times and pressed the on/off button and still, nothing happened.  

 

“Told you.” Christen grinned back at her like she was right.

 

They had both stopped walking while they were looking at the light, about to start moving again when they heard another fit of manic laughter that couldn’t have been more than a few yards away from them.

 

It was loud and shrill and it sent a shiver down both of their spines immediately as they were quickly caught off guard.

 

“What the fuck?” Tobin whispered out slowly, feeling like she was frozen in place.

 

Christen quickly reached out for Tobin’s hand and almost audibly gulped in fear.

 

Before they could say anything else, they heard a rustle at the end of the row of trees they were in, looking at each other quickly and then turning to look behind them in the direction that the noise had just come from.

 

It was like they turned their heads in sync, trying to see what the noise was just as the lantern came back on; illuminating a clown face that was staring right at them from only a few yards away.

 

“Oh hell no!” Christen shouted in a panic.

 

“Run.” Tobin hollered too, letting go of Christen as they both took off in a sprint.

 

Christen led the way, keeping a steady pace as she weaved them through the last few rows of coffee trees before they were cutting out onto the paved road that wrapped through the property. Hitting the pavement loudly with heavy feet as they ran.

 

They didn’t say a single word to each other until they were sprinting up the grassy hill behind the buildings where they knew other people were enjoying the festivities. Both of them wildly out of breath from the rush of it all by the time they made it there.

 

“Oh my god.” Christen started to laugh as they both finally slowed their run, stopping to catch their breath at the edge of the yard behind the Welcome Center, right at the entrance of the property.

 

They could hear the crowd of people at all the booths just behind the building, knowing they were safe again.

 

“Why does this always happen to me?” Tobin husked out, moving into Christen until they were hugging tightly. “I hate clowns so much.”

 

“They’re the worst!” Christen agreed, pulling Tobin in a little more.

 

They finally started laughing then, both at themselves and each other, as they stood face to face until their breathing returned to normal.

 

“You good?” Tobin finally whispered when she could speak again, still not letting go of the dark-haired woman.

 

“Yeah, I’m good.” Christen nodded. “Are you good?”

 

“Yeah.” Tobin smiled. “Whew, that was intense.”

 

Another moment of silence passed before Tobin whispered again.

 

“We should probably go find PJ, I have a feeling she’s probably still freaked out.”

 

“Yeah, of course.” Christen agreed. “I feel bad for her. That was a little much.”

 

“I’m sure Kelley and Alex made her feel better.” Tobin murmured as she released her grip on Christen so they could continue walking. “She trusts them a lot.”

 

Tobin turned around and laced her fingers through Christen’s as they both started to move towards the building just in front of them, heading towards the left-hand side of it where the people were.

 

Tobin was just about to open her mouth and say something else as they rounded the corner of the building when they were both startled again.

 

Both of them feeling a jolt of terror for just a moment at the surprise that was waiting for them.

 

“RAWRRRR!”

 

A tiny, Moony Eyed Walrus jumped out from the side of the building, emerging from the shadows with its arms outstretched.

 

Tobin let out another one of her high-pitched shrieks before a quick series of tiny giggles filled the air around them.

 

Christen’s hand flew up to her heart in a fright at the same time as they both registered what was happening.

 

“We got ‘em!” Peyton pumped her fist happily and she bounced up and down in her costume, clearly pleased with herself.

 

Alex and Kelley stood up from where they were crouched down against the building behind Peyton too, laughing so hard that they both slowly fell to the grass.

 

“That was amazing!” Kelley howled. “Oh my god, both of your faces.”

 

“And Tobin’s scream!” Alex joined in between big gulps of air. “It’s so high pitched.”

 

“Seriously!” Tobin raised her arms out wide. “WHY!?”

 

“You guys are so mean!” Christen started to laugh too, still feeling more than a little shaky, but happy to know it was just them.

 

Tobin lunged towards Peyton then and scooped her up into her arms, tickling her anywhere she could reach as a form of punishment.

 

“You guys were so easy.” Alex said again. “You fell right into our trap.”

 

Tobin stopped tickling Peyton and looked at her in the face. “Wait. Did you set that whole thing up?!”

 

“Yes, we did!” Peyton nodded through her laughter. “We scared you, Toby!”

 

“You little traitor!” Tobin pretended to whine even though she couldn’t help but laugh.

 

“If it makes you feel any better, we paid her off.” Kelley murmured as she finally stood up from the grass. “And it was totally worth it.”

 

“Wait so who was in the mask back there?” Christen asked, trying to piece it all together.

 

“Serva.” Alex smiled. “And those lanterns, yep, they’re remote-controllable. God, you two were hilarious the whole time. Chris could _not_ figure out what was going on with it.”

 

“Well, how was I supposed to know?” Christen chuckled again as she shook her head. “Wow, you definitely got us.”

 

Tobin set Peyton down and the child quickly skipped over to Christen, hugging her tightly around the waist as soon as she reached her.

 

“Sorry!” She grinned up at her new favorite person. “But you were _really_ funny!”

 

“That’s okay, cutie. You did good.” Christen pulled her in close as she smiled right back down at her.

 

“Wow, I hope you had fun PJ.” Tobin shook her head again.

 

“Yeah, I did!” Peyton giggled as she pulled Christen towards Tobin again. “That was my favorite part!”

 

“It was? No way…” Tobin grinned sarcastically. “Why was it your favorite?”

 

“Because Toby! Now you have someone to be scared with!” Peyton mentioned casually as she looked up at Tobin.

 

Tobin smiled at Peyton’s words as she moved towards them, wrapping an arm around both of her girls at the same time. Pulling them into her as she and Christen made eye contact.

 

Peyton was right. Even if they both were scared, well, at least they had each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the words of six-year-old Kelley O'Hara, Happy Happween. ;)


	15. Call it What You Want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All my flowers grew back as thorns  
> Windows boarded up after the storm  
> She built a fire just to keep me warm
> 
>  
> 
> .

Christen meandered up the skinny walkway to her porch, holding the stack of mail she had just retrieved from the mailbox in her left hand as she bent down to pet Gus who was stretched out on the concrete, doing his best attempt of blocking her path as he napped in the warm afternoon sun.

 

“Hi, Gus Gus.” She smiled as the cat opened his eyes and purred softly at her touch. “You enjoyin’ that sun, buddy?”

 

The cat purred a second time like he was answering her before she stood back up and stepped over him, flipping through the stack of mail as she ascended the two wooden stairs back up to her porch.

 

Instead of heading inside again, where she had been working away at the kitchen table all morning, she flopped down on the new cushioned porch swing that Tobin helped her put together last week after she bought it at the furniture store in town.

 

Ever since she got the swing, her front porch had been her new favorite spot. It was the perfect place for her to enjoy a morning cup of coffee or a nightly glass of wine, surrounded by the beauty and warmth of the Kauai autumn season that she had grown to love so much.

 

She sat down and put her feet up on the porch railing across from her, looking through the stack of mail again. A big smile forming on her face when she got to a silver envelope with familiar handwriting on it.

 

She quickly tossed the rest of the bills and junk mail onto the other cushion and tore open the envelope in her hands, knowing exactly what it was.

 

It was a wedding invitation from one of her best friends, Sofia, and her fiancé Matt.

 

She’d already been asked by Sofia to be a bridesmaid in the wedding and she’d already had the Save the Date hanging on her fridge for the past month and a half, but getting the actual invite in the mail made her even more excited for the whole thing.

 

Even though the wedding wasn’t until the Spring, she was already looking forward to a trip home. Not to mention, her closest group of girlfriends had been trying to iron out the details of Sofia’s bachelorette party for the past few days, which was hopefully going to be a weeklong celebration happening in Kauai.

 

Christen had mostly jokingly tossed the idea out there last month when they were all group texting about bridesmaid's duties but all of the other girls were actually really down for it.

 

A free place to stay in literal paradise was exactly what they were looking for, and this way, Christen wouldn’t have to worry about traveling so far already. Now all they really had to do was decide on the dates so they could get their flights booked before the prices got too expensive.

 

Christen smiled to herself as she flipped the invite over to look at the back, noticing the way it was addressed to Christen Press and Guest.

 

Her mind instantly wandered to one person in particular for who she wanted to invite, but she knew it’d be a lot to ask. So, for now, she was content with pushing those thoughts away for another time in favor of heading inside to grab her phone.  

 

She found Sofia’s name in her contacts and hit dial, dropping the invite and the rest of her mail on the kitchen counter and then heading right back outside with her phone pressed to her ear.

 

She was greeted by not one but three loud voices as soon as her call was answered.

 

“Pressy!” Sofia yelled in greeting. “Jules and Lauren are over. Perfect timing!!”

 

“Hi!” Julie’s voice came through from the speakerphone on their end, followed by Lauren’s “Hey, Chris!”

 

Christen laughed into the phone, pushing away a hint of jealousy that her three best friends were all hanging out together on this random Friday afternoon and that she wasn’t able to be there with them.

 

“Hiiii loves!” She returned instead, focusing on the fact that she got to talk to them all for a few minutes rather than being sad. “What’re you ladies up to?”

 

“Nothing, we’re just chillin’ before we meet the guys for Happy Hour.” Julie answered her. “What about you?”

 

“I’m just sitting on my porch while I wait for Tobin and Peyton to get here.” Christen returned. “I worked from home this morning and I just took a break to grab the mail and guess what  _I_  got?”

 

Her voice fluttered in excitement like she really wanted them to guess.

 

“I hope it’s finally the wedding invite, otherwise I’m pretty sure that thing is long gone.” Sofia laughed. She’d asked Christen almost daily for the last week if she’d gotten it yet. “It has now been two weeks since I sent it.”

 

“It’s your wedding invite!” Christen nodded happily. “I love them! You did a great job, they’re super pretty.”

 

“Thank you very much.” Lauren teased in response, taking proper credit for the invitations that she helped Sofia pick out.

 

“We were actually just talking about the bachelorette party as you called.” Julie mentioned. “We’re ready to commit and lock it down if you'll have us.”

 

“Really?!” Christen grinned. “Damn, you guys really are serious about it. I like it.”

 

“You know we are.” Sofia hummed. “We’re all due for a vacation.”

 

“So if we do come, you’re gonna be able to take the whole week of work off, right?” Lauren wondered, knowing they’d talked a little about it already in passing but wanting to make sure.

 

“I think so, but let me take a look at my calendar right now while I have you on the phone.” Christen pulled the phone from her ear and put it on speaker before she clicked the home button to pull up her work calendar.

 

“If you do have to work, we’ll just have all the fun without you.” Julie chimed in again with a mock threat. “Cause we’re coming either way.”

 

“Yeah, I guess _Tobin_ will just have to entertain us instead.” Sofia added with a suggestive tone, having heard plenty about the brunette from Christen over the past couple months. “Which wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, I guess. We need to get to know your new woman anyway.”

 

Julie and Lauren both laughed at the teasing way Sofia said Tobin’s name as Christen ignored the comment altogether in favor of focusing on her upcoming schedule.

 

“Actually yeah, you need to fill us in on the latest developments with Tobin... You’re hanging out this afternoon? Does that mean you’ve had The Talk?” Lauren questioned, speaking in a softer manner to make sure Christen knew she wasn’t teasing like Sofia had just been.

 

“The talk?” Christen half-laughed. “You make it sound so intense.”

 

They were all quiet on the other end of the line for a moment as they waited for Christen to answer the question. They weren’t going to let her get out of it with just a sarcastic response.

 

“But, ahhh, no. We haven’t yet. I’ll do it soon, I promise.”

 

She had been keeping her best friends in the loop on how her love life was progressing and they all knew how much she was falling for Tobin. All three of them had been very supportive and encouraging about the fact that Christen needed to go for it with her.

 

She couldn’t avoid committing again forever.

 

“Babe, she is good to you and she makes you really happy.” Julie kindly explained their stance on it again, almost like they’d all just been talking about it amongst themselves. “If you’re going to keep seeing her the way you are, you owe it to her to make it official. It’s not fair to keep stringing her along.”

 

“I knowwwwww.” Christen half whined, knowing they’d all told her the same thing individually over the past few weeks. “I want to. I will. I’m going to.”

 

“Well then, what’s the holdup?” Sofia asked more bluntly.

 

She was always the most straightforward of the four of them.

 

“Nothing.” Christen shrugged to herself, hating how quickly the topic of conversation had turned from the bachelorette party to her love life. “Tobin and I talked about it and I wasn’t ready and I guess I just haven’t gotten around to bringing it back up.”

 

“Yeah, and why is that? You know she wants to be with you.” Sofia hummed again. “Just ask her already.”

 

“Yeah, I will...” Christen said again, a little annoyance in her tone now at their pushiness. “It’s not like we’ve had that much alone time lately. The last few weeks, Peyton has been with us every time we’ve hung out.”

 

“Okay, sorry, I’m not trying to upset you.” Sofia softened again at Christen’s tone, wanting to keep the conversation light. “Just know that not everyone is bad in this world, and Tobin seems like one of the really good ones. It will be a good thing and we’re just excited for you.”

 

“Exactly.” Lauren agreed in the background. “No pressure, but we’re confident in this. You finally seem like yourself again.”

 

That made Christen smile and relaxed her a little. Knowing that three of the most important people in her life had faith in her new relationship gave her even more confidence in it herself.

 

“How is Peyton anyway?” Julie wondered then, changing the subject again, much to Christen’s appreciation.

 

“Yeah, how is she? Is it weird being, like, a stepmom?” Sofia laughed in question.

 

“Oh my gosh, I am definitely not her stepmom.” Christen shook her head softly as she rolled her eyes. “And please don’t say that in front of her or Tobin if you meet them. I know you’re joking but the mom thing is a touchy subject for obvious reasons.”

 

“Of course they won’t.” Lauren stepped in again. “As the only actual mom of this group, I will make sure of it.”

 

“Yeah, we won’t!” Julie agreed. “But what do you mean if? We’re definitely meeting them when we come see your ass. Ten seconds in front of Tobin last time I was there was not enough.”

 

“Maybe I don’t want you scaring them off?” Christen started to laugh herself. “I might have to warn them ahead of time to keep a safe distance.”

 

“Whatever, they’re going to love us.” Sofia chuckled too. “I can’t wait to meet them and to spend a week on the beach getting tan as fuccccckk.”

 

“So you’re for real, for real coming?” Christen wondered again, getting them back on track.

 

“Hell yeah!” Julie whooped out. “Hasn’t that already been established? We need the dates, Pressy.”

 

“Right.” Christen nodded as she scrolled her calendar again. “So I can’t do the week after Thanksgiving cause I’ll be over on the Big Island, but the first week of December would work for me. Otherwise, I’m pretty busy until after Christmas.”

 

“Lauren?” Both Julie and Sofia said at the same time, knowing Lauren’s schedule would be the deciding factor. She was usually on Stay at Home Mom duty, after all.

 

“I’ll make it work.” Lauren agreed quickly. “Jrue will have to figure it out.”

 

“Yeah, he will, cause it’s girls trip time!” Sofia yelled again as her voice got more distant in the background.

 

Christen could just picture her dancing around on the other end of the phone in excitement.

 

“Ahhhh!” Christen started to do a little shimmy of her own from where she was sitting on the porch swing. “I’m so excited!”

 

“Me too.” Julie agreed. “Round up all the hotties you’ve met so far. We’re throwing our girl Sof a proper bachelorette party while we’re there.”

 

“Says the old married lady.” Sofia cut in again. “I’ve seen you party lately. Ever since Chris moved, your form has been weak at best.”

 

“Whatever!” Julie scoffed at her remarks. “I’ve totally still got it.”

 

“I definitely believe Sof.” Christen agreed with a giggle. “Plus, Jules, all the hotties I know so far are women. But I guess you have been wanting to get into that.”

 

“I have and that’s perfect.” Julie joked in return. “If they’re all as sexy as your girlfriend is, we’ll have no complaints.”

 

As if on cue, the soft rumble of Tobin’s truck pulled Christen’s attention towards her driveway, watching as the shiny dark green Bronco pulled in behind her car and came to a stop.

 

“Speaking of Tobin, they just got here.” Christen explained. “Which means I’ve gotta let you go.”

 

Christen looked up and waved, spotting Tobin’s big smile through the windshield before she had even opened her door.

 

“What are you three doing this afternoon?” Lauren wondered before she let Christen off the line.

 

“Actually, Tobin is just dropping Peyton off.” Christen smiled happily. “She and I are gonna go meet a friend at the animal shelter while Tobin goes surfing. She has a competition in a few weeks so she needs to practice and Peyton didn’t have school today, so I’m hanging out with her this afternoon.”

 

“Awww!” Julie sighed happily. “That’s awesome.”

 

“Yeah, awesome and totally a stepmom activity!” Sofia laughed again.

 

“Stop!” Christen begged. “If anything, she’s like my new little best friend.”

 

“Hey, I thought I was your best friend!” Julie pretended to be offended. “She better watch it.”

 

“You’re my big best friend.” Christen agreed. “Plus, she’s really cute and funny. You’ll like her a lot.”

 

“I know, I’m just teasing.” Julie conceded. “I’m glad she has someone as wonderful as you in her life.”

 

“Thanks, babes.” Christen smiled again. “For real though, I’ve gotta run. I love you all and send me your flight info when you book, please?”

 

“We will.” Lauren agreed. “Have fun this afternoon.”

 

“Love you, CP. Talk to you soon!” Sofia hummed.

 

“Love you, Chris.” Julie murmured lastly as they hung up. “Byeeeee.”

 

Christen ended the call on her phone and grinned as she stood up from the swing, walking towards the porch steps just as Tobin was helping Peyton out of the backseat.

 

She started to laugh as soon as Peyton jumped down and came running towards her, noticing the way the kid was matching Tobin perfectly. Both of them wearing white Nike tank tops and black shorts and red snapbacks like they were twins.

 

“Hi, Christen!” Peyton shouted as she bounded across the grass excitedly.

 

“Hey, miss Peyton!” Christen grinned right back at her, watching as the kid got distracted when she noticed Gus, stopping to pet him instead of making it all the way to the porch.

 

Gus got up and scurried away, making Peyton chase him to the side of the house, repeating the same thing that happened almost every time the child came over.

 

Christen moved down the steps towards where Tobin was standing in the yard, both of them grinning at each other happily.

 

“She’s right, you are pretty sexy.” Christen murmured just for Tobin to hear when she got close enough.

 

“I am?” Tobin laughed in question as her hands found Christen’s hips. “Says who?”

 

“Julie...” Christen smiled and leaned in for a kiss, brushing her lips against Tobin’s. “And me.”

 

Tobin pecked Christen’s lips and then pulled back with a very entertained smile. “Julie thinks I’m sexy, huh?” Her tone conveying far too much confidence. “..Interesting..”

 

“I hate to break it to you but she’s already married.” Christen grinned at Tobin’s playfulness.

 

“Oh, that’s okay.” Tobin shrugged. “I’ve got my eye on someone else anyway.”

 

They kissed again before Peyton came around the other side of the house, holding Gus like a prized possession. “Hold still kitty.” She mumbled through the struggle.

 

“Look at you two matching cuties.” Christen pointed out.

 

“We’re twins!” Peyton jumped up and down, letting Gus jump out of her hands and scurry away again, not bothering to chase him this time. “I’m gonna be just like Toby when I grow up!”

 

She jumped to a stop and flexed her muscles over her shoulders, scowling cutely right at Tobin until Tobin flexed right back, making the kid laugh as she ran off towards the porch, heading inside Christen’s house like she owned the place.

 

She sorta did by now.

 

“She’s been saying that all day.” Tobin explained with a grin. “But I guess that’s what a day off of school will get ya. She thinks it’s fun to sleep in and not have to do anything but go surfing.”

 

“Oh boy...” Christen laughed, making a mental note to buy Peyton some more books as soon as possible.

 

“Don’t worry, I’m gonna make her finish high school.” Tobin winked like she could just see the stress on Christen’s face about it.

 

Christen scrunched up her nose and stepped into Tobin for a hug instead of responding. Holding on tight for a moment and appreciating the way Tobin’s strong arms held her until they were interrupted again.

 

“Christen!” Peyton shouted as she pushed the screen door open and came back out onto the porch. “Can we put on the music again? I really liked that last time.”

 

Christen’s dad had sent her an old record player of his a few weeks ago and now every time Peyton came over, she wanted to play records on it and dance around the living room.

 

“Sure, pick one out and I’ll be right there.” Christen answered her with a firm nod watching as Peyton skipped back inside and let the screen door bang shut again.

 

“She sure feels right at home here, doesn’t she?” Tobin noticed. “Sorry about that, I’ll tell her to chill out.”

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Christen shook her head, grabbing Tobin’s hand and pulling her towards the house. “I love that she feels comfortable when she comes over. I like having you guys here.”

 

Tobin grinned and wrapped her arms around Christen from behind, kissing the side of her head as they reached the porch steps before separating to head inside.

 

Peyton picked out Tom Petty’s Full Moon Fever album because she liked the bright pink, yellow and blue cover and Christen put it on for her; the record spinning and humming through the old speakers as Peyton danced and twirled in the small living room.

 

Tobin hung out for a few minutes, watching Peyton be her goofy self before she had to get going, yelling over the loud music to get the kid’s attention.

 

“PJ, I’m leaving.” She hollered as Christen turned the music down again. “Will you come here so I can talk to you for a second, please?”

 

Peyton smiled and scurried across the hardwood floor, launching herself at Tobin and letting Tobin scoop her up into her arms.

 

“Be good for Christen, okay?” She instructed, lifting Peyton’s hat off her head and turning it around so it was backwards before she plopped it back down. “She’s in charge. This isn’t like a Kelley situation.”

 

“Okay.” Peyton nodded as she hugged Tobin tightly.

 

“If you see any doggies that you like, just convince Alex to adopt them okay?” Tobin murmured next. “No doggies for us today, got it?”

 

“Alright…” Peyton agreed though she was less enthused about that. “Just Alex and Christen can get doggies today.” She repeated.

 

“Sure, you can try to wear them both down if you want.” Tobin laughed. “I love you, have fun.”

 

“Okay!” Peyton said a little more excitedly again. “Love you too.”

 

Tobin set her back down and Peyton twirled through the living room and into the kitchen with a big smile on her face, right back to dancing like she had never been interrupted.

 

Christen followed Tobin back out to the porch, giving her another hug and a soft kiss.

 

“Have fun surfing. Maybe we’ll swing by the beach after the shelter and watch you for a bit?”

 

“Cool, I’d love that.” Tobin grinned. “Have a good afternoon.”

 

“We will.” Christen pecked Tobin’s lips once more. “See you in awhile.”

 

Christen watched from the porch until Tobin drove off down the road, heading back inside to get ready to go.

 

“Alright, kiddo.” Christen hummed after she threw her hair up into a ponytail and came back out to the living room. “Should we head out soon?”

 

“Yeah!” Peyton nodded excitedly. “I’m ready right now! I’m so excited!”

 

She clenched her fists together like she just couldn’t stand waiting another moment, quickly putting her shoes on like she was ready to go.

 

They hopped in Christen’s car a few minutes later, driving through town towards the shelter with the windows down. Christen couldn’t keep the smile off her face as she watched Peyton in the rearview mirror, loving how happy the child seemed for the afternoon ahead. It made her just as happy and excited in return.

 

“Is Auntie Alex gonna be there when we get there?” Peyton wondered from the backseat after they had driven in silence for a couple miles.

 

“She said she’d be there at 2:00.” Christen answered her, looking down at the clock on the dash. “We will probably beat her there because that’s in like twenty minutes.”

 

“Yes!” Peyton pumped her arm happily before she had another idea. “Maybe right now while we’re waiting for Auntie Alex, we could get some ice cream? Because I still have room for ice cream since I’m not too full from lunch.”

 

Christen made eye contact with the child in the rearview mirror again and the hopeful and somewhat cunning smile that Peyton had on her face was one Christen would never be able to turn down.

 

“Sure, ice cream sounds great.” She laughed softly in response, putting on her blinker so they could detour to the Ice Cream Shoppe first before they headed to the shelter.

 

They went through the drive-thru so they wouldn’t be late meeting Alex, each of them getting two scoops of ice cream in a waffle cone bowl. Christen picked Cookies and Cream and Peyton wavered a few times until she settled on Vanilla.

 

Christen pretended she wasn’t expecting it.

 

Peyton finished most of her ice cream and handed the trash up to Christen just as they were pulling into the parking lot of the Kauai Humane Society, parking right next to the car that Peyton pointed out as being Alex’s.

 

The kid only dropped melted ice cream on her tank top once and avoided getting it anywhere on the upholstery of the car, which Christen deemed a success as she handed a wet wipe back to Peyton to clean her hands with before they got out.

 

Peyton reached up and held onto Christen’s hand as they made their way towards the building, spotting Alex waiting for them outside in front of the door.

 

“Auntie Alex, we're here!” She waved, dropping Christen’s hand just as quickly as she’d grabbed it and breaking into a run for a few steps to reach the taller brunette.

 

“Hey, Squirt!” Alex grinned as she gave Peyton a hug. “Hey, Christen! I’m so glad you both could make it.”

 

“We are too!” Christen waved kindly right back. “Thanks for inviting us.”

 

“Yeah, this is the best no school day ever!” Peyton cheered.

 

They swung the door open and stepped into the building to get started, following Alex’s lead.

 

An hour later, it was like Christen didn’t even know what hit her.

 

She was lying in the grass as a labrador/husky mixed breed, two-year-old dog named Reese, licked her forehead while Peyton had her arms wrapped tightly around his midsection. The dog had the brightest blue eyes they’d ever seen, pulling at their heartstrings the moment they saw him.

 

The lady who was working at the shelter told them they could try walking Reese but that it wasn’t likely he’d go far for them. He had been found two weeks ago, abandoned on the beach with cuts to his body and severely lacking in weight.

 

He’d bounced back some, packing on a few pounds again from the regular meals the shelter was feeding him, but he was still very skittish around all people. His ear was still bandaged and most of the time they found him cowering in the corner of his kennel whenever someone would enter.

 

Somehow though, Christen’s calm and soothing voice coaxed him out of his kennel and before they knew it, he was wagging his tail happily as Peyton held his leash in front of Christen and Alex on a walk.

 

They stopped at a park so they could relax in the shade for a bit, lying down on the grass and letting Reese walk all over them.

 

Alex was lying next to them too with Eddie, the brown and black Jack Russell Terrier, that she chose to walk. The small dog panting softly as he snuggled into her on top of her chest.

 

All of them as happy as could be.

 

“Guys…” Alex hummed out with her eyes closed after they’d been lying there for a while. “How mad do you think Servando will be if I take Eddie home tonight?”

 

Peyton gasped in excitement. “You hafta, Auntie Alex! He loves you so much he can’t go back now. He’ll cry and it will be so sad.”

 

“I know, and look at his cute face.” Alex cooed as she squished Eddie's face in her hands. “He’s small and perfect and not nearly as wild as Blue is. I think I’m gonna do it. He was here last month too and I can’t leave him again.”

 

“And Christen you hafta take Reese home!” Peyton begged. “See how much he loves us? He was so sad in the kennel and now he’s happy because he met us.”

 

Christen didn’t respond for a moment, keeping her eyes closed as she laid on the grass, deep in thought.

 

“You could take him home, Squirt.” Alex suggested to the kid.

 

“No I can’t...” Her head dropped a little in disappointment. “Toby said we can’t get a dog right now but maybe when I’m older if I’m good and do all my schoolwork on time.”

 

Alex and Christen understood Tobin’s point of view. It was already a lot for her to take care of Peyton and adding a dog on top of it would be even more work, especially when she traveled so much the way it is.

 

“I don’t want to leave you, Reese.” Peyton bellowed, dropping herself onto Christen’s lap and hugging the big dog tightly again.

 

Christen looked over at Alex and they both gave each other a soft smile, knowing she was doomed. There was no way Christen wasn’t taking him home tonight.

 

“...You did say you’ve been wanting to get a dog.” Alex pointed out as if it would make Christen less nervous about it.

 

“I know, I _have_ been wanting to.” Christen agreed. “But what happens when I’m traveling? Or if I go home to California for longer than a few days?”

 

“Then I can watch him!” Peyton offered right away like it was the easiest thing in the world. “I will take him on walks and feed him all his dinners and he can sleep in my bed with me. It’s big enough and I like to snuggle.”

 

“That’s very nice of you to offer, but I’m not sure how Toby would feel about that, kiddo.” Christen smiled as she rustled Peyton’s hair a little. “It’s a big responsibility.”

 

Alex scoffed playfully. “Like Tobin would ever say no to that. Combine her weakness for you and Peyton’s cute little begging face and you know she’d be powerless against it.”

 

Peyton giggled at the prospect of having Christen on her side to influence Tobin.

 

“But if Peyton and Tobin can’t watch him ever, I’d love to.” Alex continued. “Honestly, that’d be great. Whenever you needed to, you could just drop him off and he can play with Blue while you travel.”

 

“Uhhhhhhhh.” Christen let out a long sigh and then started to laugh. “I can’t say no to that.”

 

“He can come home with us today?!” Peyton squealed as she stood back up.

 

Christen ran her hand through her hair and shrugged, deciding on the spot to not overthink it.

 

The old Christen wouldn’t have let herself do this because she’d think of too many things that could go wrong from it, even if most of those possibilities were more than far-fetched.

 

She’d wanted to rescue a dog and care for something other than just herself for a long time now, and here was her opportunity. The new Christen wasn’t going to second guess it.

 

“Yeah, let’s go talk to them and see what paperwork I need to fill out.”

 

“Yessssssss!” Peyton jumped up and so did Reese, barking a couple times and pouncing around behind the child in excitement.

 

Alex also made up her mind and filled out the paperwork to adopt Eddie, and another hour later, the adoption fees were paid and the dogs were wagging their tails as they all exited the shelter doors, standing in the parking lot with two new companions.

 

“I’m gonna head home and see what kind of reaction Serva has to this.” Alex grinned as they made it to their cars. “Playdate sometime this week so Blue can meet his new friend?”

 

“Definitely.” Christen grinned, giving Alex a quick hug. “Thanks for the encouragement. Good luck with your hubby.”

 

“He’s a softy, we’ll be fine.” Alex shrugged as she bent down to hug Peyton and then petted Reese one more time. “Have fun Reesey Boy. See you soon.”

 

Alex loaded Eddie into her car and backed out of the parking lot before Christen looked over at Peyton. “We have to stop at the store and get Reese some food and a bed and stuff, but then do you wanna go show Toby our new buddy?”

 

“At the beach?” Peyton’s eyes lit up in question.

 

“Yeah.” Christen laughed at her excitement. “We can stop and watch her surf until she’s done if you want?”

 

“Yeah! I love watching her surf so much and Reese is going to love it too!” She whipped open the car door without hesitating any longer, jump in and patting the seat until Reese jumped in behind her.

 

After their quick errand, they found Tobin at the beach just before sunset, watching from the sand as the lanky brunette caught a few last waves before it was too dark to see. The early sunsets this late in the year meant her practice days were getting shorter and shorter.

 

Tobin noticed them watching before her final two runs, showing off a little extra just because she could; practising some new tricks she was teaching herself before her next competition and feeling more and more confident in them every time she tried them.

 

Peyton and Reese ran back and forth on the sand, hopping in and out of the water and burning off all their lasting energy for the night as Christen just sat and watched, feeling totally and completely at peace for the first time in what felt like forever.

 

Peyton’s giggles and Reese’s happy barks echoing around her as her eyes remained focused on Tobin in the water.

 

How different everything felt now. In the best way possible. It suddenly seemed like nothing about her past mattered anymore as long as she had a home here.

 

On the beach in the soft glow of the sunset, alone with two of the most important people in her life now and one happy dog that was officially hers.

 

She kept waiting for her moment of clarity to pass. For her thoughts to continue filtering until a bad one made its way in again, but it didn’t happen. And as Tobin’s smile caught her eyes from knee-deep water, Christen knew it was all over.

 

She was clean again and ready to start anew. And the only one she wanted was the one heading right for her.

 

Tobin grinned widely as she trudged out of the water, dropping her board in the sand and pulling her wetsuit halfway down her body and letting it hang on her hips as she approached Christen. Shaking her head as she looked from the dark-haired woman over to where the Peyton and the dog were running up the beach.

 

She couldn’t even be surprised.

 

“Toby!” Peyton waved as she ran back towards them. “We had so much fun! We got ice cream and we saw Alex and then we found Reese and Christen adopted him! Isn’t he  _so_  cute?”

 

“Yeah, he’s very cute.” Tobin laughed as she knelt down, opening her arms as Peyton and the dog came barreling into her. She let Reese lick all over her face as she shut her eyes and smiled.

 

Peyton ran off quickly and threw a stick for the dog and he was off chasing it again, with Peyton hot on his tail behind him.

 

“Ice cream and a doggie?” Tobin looked down at Christen, offering her a hand to pull her up from where she was sitting in the sand. “Honey, you’re never allowed to babysit again.”

 

Christen laughed sweetly, grabbing onto Tobin’s hand and standing up so they were right in front of each other. “What can I say, it was an afternoon of fun.”

 

“Good.” Tobin grinned, pulling Christen a little closer. “That’s what I like to hear.”

 

“Can you believe I got a dog?!” Christen questioned like she was just now realizing what she had done.

 

“Yes.. have you met you?” Tobin teased with a nod. “I mean, I knew as soon as I left you this afternoon you were gonna do something like this..”

 

“PJ wouldn’t let me say no.” Christen chuckled. “Which is why I brought her along, I needed that final push.”

 

“As long as you’re happy, then I’m glad.” Tobin smiled genuinely.

 

Christen reached up and cupped Tobin’s cheeks in her hands, holding eye contact intently as she stroked her thumbs over Tobin’s face softly to push the last few droplets of ocean water off her. Her eyes conveying everything she was feeling and thinking of for the past few minutes.

 

Tobin didn’t dare look away, swallowing softly as she tightened her grip on the younger woman in her arms.

 

It was like they were saying a million things to each other without saying a single word, neither of them breaking until a big smile spread on Christen’s face again. Unable to contain her happiness. Her skin lighting up perfectly in the last light of the night until she was leaning in for the softest kiss they’d ever shared.

 

She had so many things she wanted to say to Tobin but now wasn’t the best time.

 

“You look really beautiful tonight.” Tobin murmured instead, hugging her close with one arm around Christen’s shoulders. Kissing her temple as they looked down the sand where Peyton and Reese had ended up.

 

Just enjoying each other for a minute.

 

“Peyton, you ready to go?” Tobin yelled after a beat, finally separating from Christen to take her wetsuit all the way off, throwing her tank top and shorts back on over her bikini.

 

Peyton ran back towards them then, nodding like she was finally exhausted.

 

“Dinner at my place?” Christen suggested, hoping to have some more time with them tonight. She didn’t want her feelings of contentment to fade away just yet.

 

“Yeah!” Peyton agreed easily. “Can we sleep over too?”

 

“I would love that.” Christen answered before Tobin could speak up and tell Peyton no. “If you want to...” She looked up at Tobin and then so did Peyton.

 

“Yeah, we could do that.” Tobin nodded easily. “I’ll stop home and get some sleepover stuff for us and meet you there. PJ, you wanna ride with me or Christen?”

 

“I’ll ride with Christen.” Peyton answered without hesitation.

 

“Of course you will _._ ” Tobin grinned unsurprisingly.

 

Christen and Peyton got to her house and got Reese settled in as they waited for Tobin. Finding the perfect place in the living room for his new dog bed and setting up his food and water dish next to the pantry in the kitchen before they fed him dinner.

 

After that, Peyton basically just followed the dog around the small house as he got acquainted with the place, sniffing every room several times until he had Christen’s scent memorized. When Tobin got there, freshly showered and free of any ocean water, she cuddled up on the couch with the dog and Peyton to watch Ninja Turtles while Christen made them dinner.

 

After they ate dinner around the kitchen table, Tobin helped Christen with the dishes as they enjoyed a second glass of wine, while Peyton fell asleep on the couch watching Moana, snuggled in close with her arms around Reese. Spooning like they’d never had a night of sleep without each other before.

 

Tobin poked her head back into the living room to check on them, biting her bottom lip when she came back into the kitchen like she had some bad news.

 

“I hate to say this on your first night of having a dog, but I’m pretty sure Peyton is never going to separate from him…”

 

Christen peeked around the corner at them sleeping too and laughed quietly. “I think you’re right.”

 

She took a sip of her wine and then put her glass back down and stepped in to hug Tobin. “At least I still get to cuddle with you tonight.”

 

“That’s true.” Tobin agreed as she wrapped her arms around Christen’s shoulders. “I’m okay with being second choice now if this is how it works out.”

 

They stood in the middle of the kitchen for a moment until Christen’s phone buzzed where it was sitting on the counter. She pulled away from Tobin and grabbed it to see who had just texted her, laughing when she opened it.

 

{Alex Morgan 9:22PM}:  **_Serva won’t admit it yet, but he loves Eddie. He gets to stay._ **

 

Her text was followed by a close-up picture of Alex’s new dog, sleeping on their leather couch with his paws up in the air like he was dreaming deeply.

 

Christen turned the phone around to show Tobin, making her laugh too.

 

“I have a feeling Serv is gonna make Alex switch to every other month visits to the shelter, especially if you keep going with her...”

 

Christen walked into the living room and took a picture of Peyton holding Reese as they slept on the couch and sent it back to Alex before she dropped her phone on the counter again and then grabbed Tobin’s hand.

 

“Wanna sit outside on the porch with me and relax?” She questioned softly. “We can talk easier out there.”

 

“Yep, I do.” Tobin nodded, pouring herself and Christen each a little more wine before they tiptoed through the living room and out the front door, letting the screen door close softly behind them.

 

A light rainstorm was passing through as they snuggled in close on the small swing, Christen sitting sideways so her legs were over Tobin’s lap. They just watched the heavy raindrops in silence for a few moments, tucked under the porch awning and enjoying the cooler breeze that came with the rain against the typically warm night.

 

“It’s very soothing.” Christen whispered as she rested her jaw down on Tobin’s shoulder.

 

“The rain?” Tobin wondered with her lips ghosting over Christen’s ear softly.

 

“The rain, this night… you.” Christen nodded and lifted her head. “Everything feels so… right, tonight.”

 

“Yeah, it really does.” Tobin smiled, kissing Christen’s head softly.

 

“I notice that every time I’m with you.” Christen continued. “Everything just feels  _good_. Knowing you and falling for you, and Peyton too, just getting to be a part of your lives. And living here in this magical place and having a job that I truly love…”

 

Tobin was smiling with her lips still pressed against Christen’s skin, keeping her close and listening intently.

 

“I really feel like I finally love my life again.” Christen sighed like she was choosing to let everything else go as her words came out, feeling the same way she had on the beach earlier. “That has so much to do with you.”

 

“You’ve done the same for us.” Tobin hummed without hesitation. “We’re so much better now that you’re here.”

 

Christen lifted her head enough so she could kiss Tobin quickly, smiling as she pulled away again and grabbing Tobin’s hand tightly.

 

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. To ask you, actually...” She finally mentioned. “I know that it’s a little overdue and I’m sorry that it’s taken me a while, but I wanted to wait until I had no second thoughts about it...”

 

Tobin swallowed but didn’t say anything, thinking she knew where this was going without being completely positive.

 

Christen sat up a little so they were more eye to eye as she grabbed Tobin’s hand with her other one now too, holding on even tighter and giving Tobin the most perfect smile she’d ever seen.

 

“I think you phrased it as ‘going for it’ before?” She paused and laughed easily. “I don’t know exactly if that’s accurate, but whatever you called it, that’s what I want to do…”

 

Tobin started to laugh too, almost nervously, squeezing Christen’s hand in return. She opened her mouth to say something before Christen shook her head slowly and cut her off, wanting to be the one to do this.

 

Tobin got the hint and nodded, letting her continue.

 

“Tobin..” She murmured. “Will you…”

 

She bit her bottom lip and gave Tobin her cutest look, watching as the brunette was literally hanging on her every word.

 

Tobin was holding eye contact with Christen like she was about to be asked the most important thing she’d ever been asked.

 

“..Watch my dog when I’m out of town next week?”

 

Tobin’s face scrunched up in confusion when she processed Christen’s words, letting a low sound escape her throat before she could stop it and then loudly letting out the breath she had been accidentally holding in.

 

“What?” Tobin coughed out, completely not expecting that to be Christen’s question.

 

“Is that a problem? It’s just that.. Peyton offered earlier... So I wanted to make sure it was okay with you, too?”

 

Tobin smiled then, so gentle like she always was, but clearly a little bummed as she nodded. “Yeah, no.. sorry, I just .. I thought you were gonna ask me something else.”

 

Christen tried not to break, only lasting another second before she wasn’t able to bear watching the pain and confusion on Tobin’s face, laughing heartily and dropping her forehead to Tobin’s shoulder.

 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.” She chuckled, reaching up to hold Tobin’s face with her hand. “You just really set me up for that one, I couldn’t help it.”

 

“What?” Tobin couldn’t help but laugh at Christen’s reaction.

 

Christen took a deep breath trying to calm herself down again. “You’re poor face, looked so cute and sad... I’m sorry, that was so mean of me.”

 

She was sure the two glasses of wine she’d already had were what brought that idea on.

 

“I’m so confused.” Tobin whispered out, shaking her head a little like it would help her solve this.

 

“Tobin.” Christen grabbed her jaw a little firmer, turning her face again so she was looking at Christen directly.

 

“Yeah?” Tobin wondered again.

 

“Will you be my girlfriend?” Christen smiled softly like she really meant it.

 

“Is that your real question?” Tobin smiled, watching as Christen nodded her head surely. “Or do you still want me to watch your dog next week, too?”

 

“No...” Christen chuckled as her face was blushing in regret. “Wow, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m really sorry.. I was just teasing you.”

 

“Look at you… that was the meanest thing you’ve ever done, isn't it?” Tobin chuckled easily, pulling Christen in to kiss her reddened face, loving how guilty she looked now.

 

“Yeah, probably…” Christen giggled. “And now I know why I don’t do mean things. Watching your face change to sadness was the worst.”

 

They both laughed and shook their heads at each other before Christen locked both of her hands with Tobin’s, trying to get serious again.

 

“Tobs..” She hummed sweetly. “I like you so much and I’m ready to be with you if you still want that. I want to be your girlfriend.”

 

Tobin let out a slow breath to really process that Christen was serious now, smiling as she looked over at her again.

 

“Are you sure you’re ready?” She wondered kindly.

 

“Yes.” Christen answered her quickly.

 

“Because if not, that’s okay.” Tobin continued. “You can take all the time you need. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“I know that.” Christen smiled confidently. “And that’s why I’m sure.”

 

Tobin nodded as Christen continued.

 

“It dawned on me again tonight when I was watching you surf that you’re exactly the person for me. And I don’t know if that means it’s just for now or for a while or for forever…  But, Tobin, you’re kind and gentle and funny and smart. You’re everything that I want in a relationship and nothing that I don’t, and it would be crazy of me to keep running from us when all I want to do is run towards you.”

 

Tobin was smiling so damn wide at her, like Christen lit up the sun even in the middle of the night, all by herself.

 

Christen leaned in to press her lips to Tobin’s before she whispered softly against them one more time. “Will you be my girlfriend, Tobin?”

 

“Yeah.” Tobin nodded and kissed her again. “Yes. Let’s go for it.”

 

Christen smiled in happiness, wrapping her arms around Tobin’s neck and kissing her intensely until they both ran out of breath again.

 

The relaxed a bit after that, watching as some lightning moved into the area, flashing across the sky in wild patterns as Christen traced the lines on Tobin’s hand gently. Both of them so glad to be on the same page.

 

“So, you’re really my girlfriend?” Tobin questioned after a while, making sure she was comprehending it. “Like I can introduce you as that? My girlfriend, Christen Press.”

 

“Yeah.” Christen nodded. “Whenever you want to.”

 

“Rad.” Tobin smiled with so much contentment.

 

“And you know what else this means now, right?” Christen murmured in question.

 

“What?” Tobin wondered.

 

“This means we have to tell PJ.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right. We did promise.” Tobin nodded. “How about we tell her in the morning over breakfast?”

 

“Only if you make your omelets for us.” Christen proposed hopefully.

 

“My world famous omelets, you mean?” Tobin questioned. “Yeah, I can do that.”

 

Christen slid off of Tobin’s lap and stood up, grabbing her wine glass from the floor and reaching her hand out for Tobin like she was asking her to follow.

 

“Will you come to bed with me?”

 

Tobin slowly picked up her wine glass too and stood up with her hand in Christen’s, following her back inside without any hesitation.

 

“Anything for you, honey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My baby's fit like a daydream  
> Walking with her head down  
> I'm the one she's walking to
> 
>  
> 
> .


	16. Gorgeous.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so furious  
> At you for making me feel this way  
> But, what can I say?  
> You're gorgeous
> 
>  
> 
> .

“Toby, look!”

 

Peyton pointed to the sky above them as they bobbed gently in the water, feeling the soothing flow of waves underneath their surfboards from where they were positioned in the ocean about a hundred yards out from shore.

 

“A rainbow!”

 

The child squealed in delight, tilting her head back as far as it would go to try and get a look at the whole thing.

 

Tobin looked up from where she was sitting next to Peyton on her own board, breaking into a big smile when she noticed it too.

 

“Woah, that’s awesome!” She stuck her fist out and waited until Peyton noticed and then pounded her own balled up fist into her hand. “Do you remember what they call that here?”

 

“Umm.” Peyton scrunched her eyebrows together like she was deep in thought before it came to her. “Oh! .. Ānuenue!”

 

“Ānuenue! That’s right, dude.” Tobin nodded as she echoed the word, loving how quickly Peyton remembered it and the fact that she had been practicing her Hawaiian dialect. “That means we’re gonna have the best luck on our next run.”

 

“What word are you saying?” Sofia questioned with a smile as she looked over at Tobin and Peyton, balancing on her own surfboard. “A-new-ie?” She attempted to pronounce the Hawaiian word herself.

 

She was floating in the middle of Julie and Lauren, all five of them lined up perfectly even with each other on the surfboards Tobin supplied for them, as they all looked back towards the beach.

 

“Ah-nuu-eh-nuu-eh.” Tobin annunciated slowly as though she was trying to teach Christen’s friends the word the same way she had learned it several years ago.

 

“Ānuenue means rainbow in Hawaiian.” She explained further, pointing again to the multicolored mirage that was stretched across the partly cloudy sky above them, jutting down into the water not far from where they were resting. It was almost as if they could paddle to the end of it within a few minutes. “And when you see rainbows while surfing it means you’ll have good luck.” She finished her explanation.

 

Sofia, Lauren, and Julie all said the word out loud to themselves like they were being good students, laughing at their terribly botched pronunciations but enjoying it all the same.

 

“Gahhh! I am in love with all of this.” Julie hummed, lifting her arms out in front of her body to signal what she meant. “Surfing, and Hawaiian lessons, the views of absolute paradise... I’m probably never leaving.”

 

The group was all waiting to catch some small waves, pausing for the past several minutes as they enjoyed their views of the greenery-filled mountains on the land in front of them. Blown away by the rocky, tree-covered vegetation that was dotted with waterfalls just about everywhere they looked.

 

The three California natives still hadn’t gotten used to how beautiful everything was in Kauai. Like most people, it took awhile to actually believe a place like this really existed.

 

They could also see Christen up on shore, sitting in the sand with Reese running back and forth between her and the water as he chased his tennis ball every time the dark-haired woman threw it for him.

 

She had gladly volunteered to be the one to watch from the sand and cheer them on while her three best friends went out into the water with Tobin and Peyton.

 

It was the third day in a row that the girls were working on their newly acquired surfing skills and they wanted to see how well they could do on their final day of vacation; having slowly learned from Tobin during the last part of the week about how to catch the waves and then balance enough to actually ride them in.

 

Some of the girls were better than others, with Sofia being the worst of the bunch, not for lack of trying. She just had the hardest time keeping her balance once the board started moving.

 

But no matter how well they were or weren’t getting the hang of it, all three of them were having a blast.

 

They all hated how fast their week in paradise was going. They felt like it had just started even though they already had to leave tomorrow morning.

 

It felt like seven days were gone in a flash.

 

It had been non-stop laughs and sightseeing and drinking together the first part of the week, before Christen finally let them meet Tobin and Peyton, after a few days of best friend alone time. And since then, it’d been non-stop water sports and tanning and enjoying each others company, just like Sofia had requested.

 

Today, Tobin had taken them all to her favorite hidden paradise, Kauapea Beach, just a few miles outside of town. The group got lucky that nobody else had found them all day, spending the afternoon surfing and sun tanning and relaxing like they were on their own private island.

 

Peyton was absolutely loving having Christen’s friends there to visit, too. Almost as much as Christen was.

 

It had taken her a little longer than Christen was used to for the kid to warm up to her friends and she was more shy than normal the first day with them, but after that, it was like the child had known them forever. And Lauren, Sofia, and Julie loved Peyton just as much in return. They could easily see why Christen was so drawn to her and how they’d gotten close so quickly.

 

She was just an easy kid to care about with her gentle affection and hilariously-timed, quick-witted personality.

 

Not to mention, she was much better than all of them at surfing, which she bragged about every time they paddled back out into the water for another run.

 

“Can we go again?” Peyton questioned now that they had all admired the rainbow for long enough to appease her, drawing her attention back to the waves that were coming for them.

 

“Yep, we’re ready when you are.” Julie agreed enthusiastically. “I think I’m gonna make it all the way in this time without falling. I’m feeling good about it. And then one of us needs to go get Christen and make her get her ass out here with us.”

 

“Butt.” Lauren corrected with a small Mom sounding tone. “Get her butt out here with us.”

 

“Oops, yes, butt.” Julie pursed her lips together as she realized her slip up.

 

Peyton giggled at the swear word as Julie apologized, giving Tobin a guilty smile.

 

“It’s all good.” Tobin laughed with a shrug at Julie’s concerned tone. “PJ hears lots of bad words. It’s nothing new.”

 

“Yeah, ’specially from Auntie Kelley.” Peyton accused with a big smile, flashing them all a gap-toothed grin thanks to her missing front tooth that had just fallen out a couple days ago. “She gets in trouble from Toby sometimes because she says too many bad words.”

 

“Yeah, Auntie Kelley is too crazy sometimes.” Tobin laughed again in agreement.

 

“Oh boy, she seems fun. I can’t wait to meet her later.” Sofia chimed in. “Sounds like she’s the life of the party, based on what we’ve heard from Chris.”

 

“For sure.” Tobin nodded. “I’m sure she’ll be in prime form tonight.”

 

The adults were all going out to one of the bars in Hanalei later for Sofia’s actual Bachelorette Party. Christen and her friends, plus Tobin, Kelley and Mana. All of them ready to get a little crazy since they got Tobin’s neighbor, Rosie, to babysit Peyton overnight.

 

“Julie, do wanna race me?” Peyton questioned seriously like she was ready to end the chit-chat and catch another wave.

 

“Ah, yep.” Julie laughed. “I get a head start, though, since you’re so good.”

 

“Okay, you can have two seconds.” Peyton nodded, holding up two fingers. “But I’m probably still gonna pass you.”

 

“I have no doubts about that.” Julie chuckled louder as she moved to lay down on her board.

 

Tobin, Sofia, and Lauren all counted down from the deeper water as Julie first, and then Peyton, started to paddle just as another wave came, watching them head towards the shore before Julie lost her balance when she got about halfway there, flailing her arms wildly as she crashed into the water.

 

Peyton made it all the way in without falling, crouching down low and giving Julie a teasing shaka sign before jumping off her board and swimming towards where the blonde woman had ended up in shallow water, making sure she was okay like Tobin had taught her to do.

 

“I’m gonna go again too.” Sofia said once Julie and Peyton were out of the way. “Tobin, go get your girlfriend. She’ll come in the water if you ask her to.”

 

“I’ve tried so many times!” Tobin responded with a shake of her head. “She won’t do it. She said she doesn’t want to know how to surf.”

 

“Whatever, the actual surfing part doesn’t matter, just get her into the water.” Sofia rolled her eyes at Christen’s refusal. “Just like.. peel your wetsuit off or something. You’re hot and she won’t be able to say no if you seduce her. Trust me, she’s easy like that.”

 

Tobin looked over at Sofia who had a sly grin on her face and then to Lauren who just nodded like Sofia had made a good point.

 

“Actually, that does usually work…” Tobin agreed with a shrug. “I’ll give it a shot.”

 

Sofia and Lauren laughed as Tobin moved to lay down on her board before she caught a wave, showing off a little on her run while she was heading right towards Christen.

 

Christen stood up and threw the ball again for Reese and then turned back around to look at Tobin as she hopped off her surfboard and let it run up onto the sand by itself, slowly peeling her wetsuit down from her shoulders as she made her way out of ankle deep water.

 

The way Christen’s eyes were roaming down Tobin’s bare stomach let the brunette know her attempt at seduction, as Sofia called it, was working just as well as it usually did. Christen’s friend was right to suggest it.

 

“Hey, beautiful.” Tobin husked out in her sultriest tone, really pouring it on for added effect as she stripped down and let the wetsuit hang at her hips, exposing all of her smooth, tanned skin that was now guarded only by her swimsuit top.

 

“Hi, babe..” Christen smiled as she finally let her eyes make their way back up to meet Tobin’s, taking much longer than needed to do so.

 

Tobin was giving Christen an entertained smile in return like she knew exactly what she was doing.

 

“What?” Christen grinned amusedly when she noticed Tobin’s expression.

 

“Nothing…” Tobin hummed. “I like it when you check me out is all...”

 

“Who says I was checking you out?” Christen questioned, leveling her tone to make it seem like she couldn’t care less either way that Tobin was standing in front of her now, practically half-naked.

 

“Your eyes always give you away, dear.” Tobin chuckled as she stepped in close and put her hands on Christen’s hips. “I love it, though,” she whispered just for Christen to hear.

 

“Well, I can’t help it if my girlfriend is gorgeous,” Christen whispered back, holding eye contact in the way that she knew always drove Tobin crazy.

 

Tobin was trying not to get worked up by the look Cristen was giving her, instead moving in for a kiss as she finished her sentence; earning hollers and cheers from all three of Christen’s friends from where they were wadding in the water, apparently watching as the couple shared their moment of affection.

 

“ _They always do that!_ ” They heard Peyton comment loudly to the three women like they were discussing the couple without them knowing.

 

Christen and Tobin just ignored the child’s words, focusing on each other instead.

 

“Are you finally taking a break to hang out with me?”

 

“I do wanna hang out with you...” Tobin nodded as she moved back just a little, letting herself check out the dark-haired woman in return. Loving the way her small bikini hugged all of her curves perfectly. “...But you should come in the water with us. It’s super mellow out there right now.”

 

“I’m okay here with Reesey boy.” Christen answered as she looked for where Reese had run off to again. “Someone has to stay with him otherwise he’ll probably get too far away and I don’t want to lose him.”

 

“We should just put him on a board with one of them.” Tobin suggested. “Then you can be on my board with me and I’ll paddle us out and we can hard chill in the water.”

 

“Don’t you think he’ll jump off right away?”

 

“I mean, maybe?” Tobin shrugged like she wasn’t worried about it. “But he can swim. Let’s try it.”

 

“That’s okay. I really am good up here.” Christen shook her head no. “I like watching you, I promise. You don’t have to come in just for me.”

 

“Honey, it’s gotta be boring up here by yourself.” Tobin sighed lightly. “Your friends want you out there and so I do. Plus, they sent me up here with strict instructions to return with you and I’m trying to impress them, so…. please?”

 

She raised her eyebrows hopefully and then turned around to look for where Peyton was at before yelling to her.

 

“PJ, come here with your board, will you?” Tobin waved her over without waiting for Christen to answer again. “I wanna try something.”

 

Peyton broke her concentration on whatever weird handshake she was learning with Lauren and trudged out of the water as she pulled her board behind herself by the ankle cord, stopping once she got in front of Tobin and Christen.

 

“Want Reese to ride with you on your surfboard?” Tobin questioned as she looked down at the kid.

 

“Reese knows how to surf?!”

 

Peyton’s eyes lit up as she asked the question, not fully understanding how a dog could possibly know how to ride a wave when some adults didn’t even know how to.

 

“Well, probably not yet...” Tobin laughed at her excitement. “But we can teach him.”

 

“Okay!” She agreed happily before she paused. “Wait, but then he’ll know how to surf and Christen will be the only one who doesn’t know how.” Peyton observed seriously. “I think Christen shouldn’t be alone by herself…”

 

Peyton’s innocent thought made all of them laugh once again.

 

“See, Chris.” Tobin looked back at Christen like she was agreeing with Peyton. “You’ll have to come out there with us so you aren’t all alone. PJ said so.”

 

“Christen Annemarie Press! Get your ass in the water. right. now!” Sofia shouted with a slightly demanding tone. “It’s my bachelorette party and you have to do what I say.”

 

“Alright!” Christen shushed her with a quick wave. “Geez, I didn’t think it mattered that much to you guys what I did.”

 

“Yes, it does!” Peyton protested with a soft yell. “Because we really love you and we want you to have so much fun like we’re having fun.”

 

Christen smiled at Peyton’s unknowingly touching words and then locked eyes with Tobin again, feeling a few butterflies flutter in her stomach as Tobin shot her a wink.

 

“Reese, come here boy.” Tobin yelled for the dog, getting his attention from where he was prancing in and out of the water right off the shore. “Here, buddy.”

 

The dog came over to them after a few seconds, stopping in front of Tobin with his tongue hanging out of his mouth happily. He sat down and looked up at her obediently as if he’d been listening to her commands for years.

 

“Good boy.” Tobin hummed, bending down to pet Reese’s head softly as he licked her face a couple times. “Wanna go surfing, buddy?”

 

It took a few tries before they got Reese to be still enough to stand on the board while Peyton climbed on with him, but eventually, it worked pretty well. After a while, Reese laid down and watched the passing waves underneath them as they moved back out farther into the water. The dog was just curiously trying to figure out what was happening below the surface of the water as they went.

 

Tobin helped Peyton get far enough out from the shore so the whole group could sit in a circle without touching the ocean floor underneath them and then went back for Christen, offering her a hand to help her balance as she sat down on Tobin’s surfboard.

 

“Your chariot, my Queen.” Tobin motioned to the watercraft teasingly as Christen positioned herself on the front of the board and then released Tobin’s hand.

 

“You better believe I’m your Queen...” Christen murmured jokingly, folding her legs up under herself and letting Tobin do all the work.

 

“Oh, I believe it.” Tobin mentioned as she concentrated with her tongue sticking out of her mouth, climbing onto the board behind Christen and using her strong arms to get them out to where the rest of the group was gathered.

 

“You made it!” Lauren celebrated once they were all sitting in a circle, looking right at Christen. “I feel so complete now.”

 

“Me too.” Sofia smiled. “Thanks for making our week, Chris. I would've been devastated without you in the water with us.”

 

“You’re such a smart ass.” Christen rolled her eyes and then leaned back into Tobin, using her chest as a backrest as they all got comfortable.

 

They stayed out there until the sun was just about to set, talking about their favorite parts of the week and what life was actually like living on Kauai. Listening to funny stories that Tobin had - of Peyton, and surfing, and life in general.

 

At one point, Reese tipped Peyton’s board over as he tried to stick his head too far into the water, and the child and the dog both spilled into the ocean together with a big splash.

 

Tobin had to scramble to get them both back onto the surfboard before everything calmed down again, making all the adults laugh heartily at the commotion, once they knew both of them were okay.

 

Eventually, the early December sunset got the best of them and they had to paddle back to shore before it got too dark to see, ending their run as pretend surfers for the week, much to Sofia, Julie and Lauren’s displeasure.

 

They weren’t ready for it to be over yet.

 

“Goodbye, Ocean.” Sofia waved to their surroundings as they traipsed out of the water for probably the last time during their trip. “You have been so good to us.”

 

“Sof, you see this same ocean at home in San Francisco.” Christen smiled, throwing her arm around Sofia’s shoulder as they looked out at the horizon together, letting the water drip off of their bodies before they started to dry off with a towel.

 

“I know, but it’s cold and ugly most of the time for us.” Sofia sighed, resting her head on Christen’s shoulder. “You truly live in paradise, my dear. I literally can’t believe this is your home now.”

 

Julie and Lauren joined the two friends, all four of them holding each other close with their arms around each other’s backs in a moment of reflection; thinking back on their week while Tobin unsuspectingly took a few pictures of them on her phone.

 

“I don’t want you guys to leave.” Christen whined as they stood there. “Move here and we can all live in paradise together and I’ll be the happiest girl ever.”

 

“Hey, now…” Julie shook her head. “No leaving or goodbye talk yet. We’ve still got tonight to get wild and enjoy our vacation.”

 

“That’s right.” Lauren nodded. “No sadness yet. Just drunkenness for all of you and enjoyment at watching your craziness for me.”

 

“Fine, deal.” Christen agreed as they all let their arms drop from around each other. “We should probably pack up and go shower so we can go out and rage properly like Sof wants us to.”

 

“Your girlfriend already did the packing.” Julie hummed as they all turned back around to their things. “I tell ya, she really might be a keeper…” she nudged Christen’s shoulder with a smile as she said it.

 

Tobin had loaded all of the surfboards that she could fit into her truck and strapped the other two to the top of Christen’s car again, the same way they’d brought them to the beach, and was now helping Peyton wring out her wetsuit. Christen spotted the pair by where they parked, quickly feeling guilty for making them do all the work.

 

“Awww, I feel bad.” Christen frowned as she yelled out to Tobin up the sand. “Tobs, you could have left our stuff. We would have packed it up.”

 

“No worries.” Tobin shrugged coolly. “You guys are on vacation. I got it.”

 

“Thank you!” Lauren shouted back sincerely as they all made their way towards where they had parked their cars.

 

“You wanna swing by and drop the boards off at our place now?” Tobin wondered to Christen as they all stood around behind the cars. “Otherwise I can come get them tomorrow.”

 

“We’ll bring them now.” Christen nodded. “That way we can get it taken care of before we go shower and get ready.”

 

“Alrighty.” Tobin hummed, swinging her keys around her pointer finger. “Who wants to ride with who?”

 

“I’ll ride with Christen!” Peyton jumped in, already heading for the passenger side door of Christen’s Mini Cooper.

 

Tobin chuckled without surprise.

 

“How about you take Peyton and Reese and we’ll jump in with Tobin?” Julie suggested to Christen, looking at Sofia and Lauren as they all smiled at each other with a certain look that Christen couldn’t place.

 

She narrowed her eyes at her friends, knowing they were up to something, but agreed nonetheless, knowing she really had no choice.

 

“K, we’ll meet you there?” She locked eyes with Tobin to make sure that was okay.

 

“Cool.” Tobin gave her a smile before she finished putting their wetsuits in the back end of her truck.

 

Christen got Reese toweled off enough to be mostly dry and then loaded him into her front passenger seat before she climbed in herself, driving off with Peyton and the dog while Tobin and her friends walked to her truck again, getting left behind quickly as Christen sped away.

 

“Shotgun!” Julie yelled, clapping her hands together once like she had won some sort of prize.

 

Sofia tried to go the creative route, lifting herself up with a foot on the back tire as she attempted to swing her leg over the side of Tobin’s Bronco where the top was missing, trying to look cool while getting into the backseat. It was mostly a failed attempt and Lauren had to assist by boosting her butt up enough until Sofia could regain her balance, but she eventually made it, all of them laughing again at the ridiculousness of the whole process.

 

Lauren climbed in through the door properly and Julie and climbed in lastly as Tobin started the engine, pulling out of the parking spot in no real hurry to get home. Happy to enjoy the easy feeling of spending time with Christen’s friends.

 

“So, Tobin...” Sofia started as they drove, getting the brunette’s attention like she had a question.

 

“Yo?” Tobin answered her, looking in the rearview mirror to find out what she wanted.

 

“Fill us in now that Christen isn’t here...” She spoke as Julie reached forward and turned the radio down just a bit. “How’s she doing?”

 

The real reason they had wanted to ride with Tobin coming out as soon as they started to drive.

 

“Yeah, we’re curious.” Julie joined in. “Not that we don’t trust her word or anything, it’s just that most of the time she keeps her feelings to herself because she doesn’t want to burden other people with them.”

 

Tobin nodded like she knew exactly what they meant.

 

“I mean, I think she’s doing pretty well.” Tobin shrugged, not wanting to say the wrong thing. “She definitely seems.. _better?_.. than she did when I first met her.”

 

She suddenly felt a little awkward answering this question, even though Christen’s friends clearly hadn’t meant for her to. She didn’t want to put words in Christen’s mouth, and them being officially together was still a new thing, but Tobin truly believed that the green-eyed woman wasn’t miserable living here. At least she didn’t seem like she was. _Maybe she’d been telling her friends something different?_

 

“I know she misses you guys a lot.” Tobin continued to speak slowly as she pulled onto the main road back towards town. “But I kinda like to think that PJ and I, and our friends here, make her somewhat happy…”

 

“Oh, no, we didn’t mean it like that at all...” Lauren put her hand over her heart like she suddenly felt bad. “Of course you make her happy. We just mean like, outside of you guys, is she okay? With work and all of her emotional stuff from the past, we mean.”

 

Tobin smiled at the way Lauren’s gentle voice soothed her worry. She could tell she was the most caring one of the group. The one who always took care of everyone.

 

“Yeah, she just never tells us much anymore.” Sofia added too.

 

“Well, I guess she’s pretty open with me about still being sad sometimes.” Tobin answered again, clearing her throat before she gave them more details, knowing they needed to hear the truth.

 

“Christen and I try to make it a point to talk about everything as much as we can. It was kind of a rule we made together when we decided to keep hanging out, like, romantically or whatever... So it seems like we have pretty deep conversations a lot… I try to encourage her to be honest with me when she’s feeling sad or down about things so that I can help her get out of it. I can tell living here gets easier and easier every day for her, but she still has her moments.”

 

“What kind of moments?” Julie wondered.

 

“Sometimes, something will come up, like, I don’t know, some sorta reminder of her old life in California - when you guys are doing stuff together and she can’t be there or something - and even if it’s just for a minute, she’ll get a little distant or quiet.”

 

They all nodded in silent response, letting Tobin finish her thought.

 

“But when that happens, I just try to be supportive of her feelings. And those moments are happening less often all the time, which is a good sign... She actually told me a few weeks ago that she feels like she loves her life again.”

 

“That’s a very good sign.” Julie agreed, looking over at Tobin with a smile. “We know you make her happy. I guess we were just wondering cause we were pretty worried about her for a while there.”

 

“Worried how?” Tobin asked, taking her eyes off the road to look over at Julie for just a second.  


“It’s hard to explain.” Sofia took over again from the back seat. “Like, after all of that stuff with her Ex went down, she literally just left. She couldn’t be in San Francisco anymore. She shut down completely and then basically outta nowhere moved here, all alone, without even talking to anyone about it. Even her parents were pretty blindsided by it... We all just felt like we didn’t know how to help her feel better.”

 

“Yeah, she was just really… broken… for a while.” Lauren spoke again. “We just need to know that she’s okay again. Which, between you and us, is partly why we’re doing Sof’s bachelorette week this soon before the wedding and not waiting until the Spring. We needed to come check on our girl.”

 

“That makes sense.” Tobin murmured.

 

“And it’s pretty obvious that she really is doing better.” Lauren mentioned softly. “It feels like we have our old Christen back. She seems so happy here with you and it’s really relieving for us to see.”

 

“Good, I’m glad.” Tobin smiled, slowly letting out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “I hope I'm helping to make her happy. That’s all I wanna do.”

 

“You are.” Sofia reassured her. “And I know it’s way too early to be asking you this but I’m gonna do it anyway…”

 

Tobin felt herself suddenly get nervous again as Sofia paused to figure out how to phrase her next question.

 

“Do you two see this being, like, a long-term thing?” she questioned. “I mean, like, have you and Chris talked about what your intentions are with being in a relationship together right now..?”

 

Julie let out a scoffed laugh at the question, deepening her voice in a mocking tone. “ _What are your intentions with my daughter?_ ” she teased.

 

“Did that sound too Dad-ish?” Sofia asked softly as she looked over at Lauren in the back seat, making Julie laugh louder this time. “I didn’t mean for it to.”

 

Lauren just gave her a playful shrug. Even if it had, they all still wanted to know Tobin’s answer.

 

“Sorry if we’re freaking you out.” Julie added, giving Tobin a soft smile again. “We mean well, we promise.”

 

“We really do, and we think you’re awesome, Tobin.” Sofia said again. “I only asked that question because Christen is just a serious relationship type of person. She’s always been that way.”

 

“Oh..” Tobin nodded as she came to a stop at a red light.

 

Christen’s friends remained quiet like they were waiting for Tobin to answer the question.

 

“Well, I mean, like you said... it’s all still really new to us…” Tobin murmured as she looked straight ahead out the windshield. “But I’m definitely in this with her.”

 

Tobin took a moment before she continued.

 

“With how complicated my life is with Peyton, I wouldn’t have wanted to go for it with Christen if I couldn’t see a future for us, at least on some level. There are too many things that can get messy in this situation… Which is pretty much the whole reason why I haven’t had a girlfriend in, like, six years. Nobody has been worth it until Christen came along. So, we’re taking it slow and who really knows what will happen, but I’m in this...”

 

“Good.” Lauren murmured quietly like they were all thinking about it together. “Because Christen is a pretty special person. She deserves all the best things in life.”

 

Tobin looked into the rearview mirror at Sofia and then slowly over to Julie as they all smiled at each other, almost in some sort of silent acknowledgment.

 

She quickly had this weird sense of acceptance wash over her, as if Christen’s best friends had just given her their approval, but she didn’t mention it out loud; content to drive on in silence again until Julie turned the music back up.

 

“Let’s get ready to party!” The blonde woman hollered over whatever song was playing, sticking her hand out of the rolled down window for the rest of the drive to Tobin’s house.

 

Christen had both surfboards unloaded from the top of her car by the time Tobin and her friends pulled into the driveway while Peyton and Reese were running back and forth in the front yard together. Burning off the remaining energy that they somehow still had, even though they’d been in the water all day.

 

Tobin came to a stop in front of her garage, giving Christen a smile as they locked eyes.

 

“Drive slow enough?” Christen teased with her tongue between her teeth, earning a playful eye roll from Tobin as they all got out of her truck.

 

It only took ten minutes to unload Tobin’s truck too before Christen and the gals were ready to head back to Christen’s to shower and get dolled up for their night out.

 

“Okay, we’re gonna go get ready so we’ll be back in a while.” Christen hummed as she pulled Tobin into a hug, wanting to be close to her girlfriend for a moment. “What time are the other girls coming over?”

  
The plan was for them to all meet at Tobin’s and cab it from there so they could all show up at the bar together.

 

“Kel said they’d be here by eight, but we’re on your schedule tonight, so no rush.” Tobin answered her, hugging Christen back just as tightly.

 

“Perfect, we’ll be back by eight. That’s plenty of time.” Christen murmured, pressing a kiss to Tobin’s lips.

 

The four best friends drove off as Tobin and Peyton waved from the driveway, keeping Reese so he could hang out with Peyton for the night once they went out. There was no sense in bringing him back and forth, anyhow.

 

It was like the good old days for the four girls as they got ready to go out, sharing a bathroom as one person showered and one person dried their hair or did their makeup, just like they were back in college together and sharing their sorority house at Stanford.

 

When they were done getting ready, they all stood around in the small kitchen, each of them except Lauren holding up a shot glass with tequila in it. Ready to cheers to the celebration ahead of them.

 

One shot lead to three for Sofia and Julie, and by the time Lauren drove them back over to Tobin’s, both women were pretty well buzzed, which was perfect because so were Mana and Kelley by the time the group walked in the door.

 

“The party is here!” Kelley hollered as soon as she heard Tobin’s front door open, skipping to the entryway to welcome Christen and her friends inside.

 

Christen didn’t even have to do any introductions, laughing as Kelley slung her arm over Sofia’s shoulder and pulled her towards the kitchen with the promise of more alcohol, while Mana did the same to Julie and Lauren.

 

Tobin was occupied with getting Peyton ready for bed, making sure the kid had brushed her teeth before tucking her in, so she missed most of the pregame festivities.

 

When she finally emerged from Peyton’s bedroom, she found the group sitting around the kitchen island, sharing stories of college while they sipped on their drinks.

 

Tobin snuck up behind Christen and leaned down into her ear, whispering quietly to get her attention.

 

“Can I steal you for a minute? PJ wants to say goodnight.”

 

“Yeah, of course.” Christen smiled at Tobin’s request, standing up from where she was sitting and letting Tobin lead her back towards Peyton’s bedroom.

 

Christen grinned when they opened Peyton’s door again, loving the way she and Reese were snuggled in under the covers. The curtain around the secret fort was pulled mostly closed, leaving just enough space for Christen and Tobin to see inside.

 

“Christen is gonna say goodnight and then we have to shut the lights off, okay?” Tobin mentioned as both adults kneeled down on the floor next to Peyton’s bed and stuck their heads inside the curtain.

 

“Okay.” Peyton nodded, reaching her hand out to grab onto Christen’s.

 

“Guess how many stars I seen tonight through the telerscope?” Peyton quizzed Christen, filling her in on what she had done while they were home showering.

 

“How many?” Christen asked back with an inquisitive tone.

 

“Like, five hundred.” Peyton answered her, looking over at Tobin for some reassurance.

 

“Wow, no way!” Christen squeezed Peyton’s hand that she was holding. “Did you see any constellations in the stars?”

 

“Um, I think so.” Peyton nodded although she was a little unsure what that word meant.

 

“Yep, we saw the big dipper.” Tobin answered for her, pushing Peyton’s messy hair out of her face. “Remember that weird rectangle looking thing with the tail that I pointed out to you?”

 

“Oh yeah!” Peyton nodded. “That was pretty cool.”

 

“That does sound cool.” Christen grinned. “Next time I come over I’ll look at the stars with you and we can see what other crazy things are out there in outer space.”

 

“Alright.” Peyton smiled. “That will be really fun.”

 

“I know, I’m already looking forward to it.” Christen nodded in agreement.

 

“Did Rosie come over already?” Peyton wondered then, knowing their neighbor was going to stay the night while Tobin and her friends went out.

 

“She should be here soon.” Tobin answered her. “We won’t leave until she gets here and then I’ll be back in the morning, probably after breakfast, okay?”

 

“So when I wake up, Rosie will still be here with me?”

 

“Yep.” Tobin nodded. “Maybe she can make you your favorite eggs for breakfast if you ask her really nicely?”

 

“Okay, I’m gonna.” Peyton grinned. “Me and Reese really like to eat eggs.”

 

Christen laughed again. “I’m glad Reese gets to cuddle with you tonight. Make sure he’s a good boy for me, will you?”

 

“Uh huh.” Peyton nodded as she let go of Christen’s hand and then started to pet the dog who was already asleep, pressed against the wall on the opposite side of the kid, already snoring softly.

 

“I love you to the moon and back.” Tobin hummed with her pointer finger out, getting ready to say goodnight.  

 

“Up to the stars and back down to the sea.” Peyton yawned through her part.

 

“Night, Squirt.” Tobin ran her hand over Peyton’s forehead again before she and Christen stood up.

 

“Night, cutie.” Christen said too.

 

They were just about to open the bedroom door again and step back out into the hallway when Peyton cleared her throat.

 

“Christen?” She practically whispered.

 

“Yeah, sweetie?”

 

“I love you back down to the sea, too.” Peyton rolled over to face them and stuck her finger out in the air like she was including Christen in her and Tobin’s nightly routine.

 

Christen and Tobin both melted instantly, finding each other’s hand and softly lacing their fingers together. 

 

“I love you too, Peyton.” Christen returned, feeling a warm fuzzy feeling run through her veins that she knew had nothing to do with the alcohol she drank earlier.  

 

“Goodnight.” Peyton hummed as Tobin flicked the light off.

 

“Night, bud.” Tobin said again, leading Christen back out into the hallway and closing the door quietly.

 

Before they made their way back out to the kitchen where they could hear their friends getting louder by the moment, Christen wrapped her arms around Tobin’s shoulders and pulled her in. Taking a moment for just them that they hadn’t gotten all week.

 

They didn’t even need to say anything to each other, knowing how much those three words that had just come out of Peyton’s mouth meant to both of them.

 

Christen ran her thumb over Tobin’s bottom lip and then leaned in for a gentle kiss, smiling against her lips before they finally separated and headed back for the kitchen.  

 

Tobin’s neighbor, Rosie, showed up a few minutes later, just as the women were finishing their pre-game drinks and were getting ready to head to the bar.

 

Tobin got her situated for the night and then called two cabs to take the group up to Hanalei since they all couldn’t fit into one.

 

A half hour later, they were all walking into a bar called Tahiti Nui. Dancing to the live band that was playing as they found a table near the back of the room; a round of shots being slid in front of them almost as soon as they sat down.

 

Kelley and Tobin knew the bartenders well so it was pretty much non-stop service for the group all night.

 

Every time one of the girls left the dance floor, they had a new round of drinks waiting for them at their table. It was the perfect mix of fun locals and great music and they all were having a blast.

 

Sofia, Julie and Kelley owned the dance floor, while Tobin and Christen danced together on and off, mostly electing to chill at their table with Mana and Lauren since they didn’t feel like being too crazy for the night.

 

By one a.m., Kelley and Sofia had weaseled their way up onto the small stage and were singing right along with the band, working the crowd over as Julie and Mana danced in the front row; singing classic rock songs right back to them until the last song played for the night.

 

After that, they all finally mellowed out for one final drink, finding spots at their table and holding easy conversations with each other like they’d all been friends for years.

 

Christen loved how well her friends from home fit in with her new friends in Hawaii. It made her wish that much more that she had everyone close to her living in this tiny piece of paradise together. It was the only thing that could make her happier than she already was right now.

 

Kelley seemed to have that same thought as she and Sofia downed one last shot together.

 

“Christen.” Kelley slurred out, hopping up onto the bar stool across from Christen as Tobin sat next to her on the end of the table. “You are awesome and so are your friends.”

 

She hiccuped once before continuing. “When can we get them to move here?”  


 

“That’s what I asked them!” Christen agreed, nodding her head adamantly. “Wouldn’t that be so fun?”

 

“Yes!” Kelley agreed, slamming her hand down on the table roughly. “We need to make it happen!”

 

Just as Christen opened her mouth to say something else, the bartender turned down the loud jukebox music that had started after the band finished and yelled out _Last Call!_ to everyone in the place, letting the patrons know it was just about closing time.

 

“I’m gonna call the cab.” Lauren shouted from the other end of the table, bending down to grab her phone out of her purse that was hanging on the hook under the table.

 

“Ahhh, nooooo! I don’t wanna leave yet. I forgot how epic this place is.” Kelley grinned just like she had been grinning for most of the night, already forgetting what she had just been talking about. “We used to have the best times here and now I remember why.”

 

Christen smiled genuinely, looking between Kelley and Tobin. “Why’d you ever stop coming here?  It’s seriously so fun!”

 

“Cause Tobin’s Ex used to work here.” Kelley giggled, chomping on the ice from the bottom of her empty drink as she set the plastic cup back down on the table in front of herself. “We had to avoid the place after they broke up.”

 

“Alright...” Tobin hummed, not finding this turn in the conversation nearly as funny as Kelley was finding it, and not wanting to go into those details right now. “How about you chill a little, Kel.”

 

“I am chill.” Kelley shrugged. “I’m just saying.. she was pretty pissed about the whole cheating thing... You have to admit it got pretty awkward there for a while, so we couldn’t come here anymore.”

 

The shorter woman laughed a little harder like she was reminiscing about something hilarious, slapping her knee like it was all a big joke.

 

Tobin was shooting daggers at Kelley with her eyes but the freckled woman was too drunk to notice. Tobin, however, was all too aware of the stone cold expression that Christen was now holding, her mood changing immediately at Kelley’s revelation.

 

“I’ll tell ya what, Tobs, you really messed that up for us.” Kelley sighed, ending her bout of laughter. “Good thing she doesn’t work here anymore. Which, I guess means we can start coming back...”

 

Tobin kicked Kelley's shin under the table, dying for her to shut the hell up.

 

Not that it mattered now though. Christen hadn’t processed a single thing after she heard the words  _Tobin_ and  _cheating_. Everything else was white noise to her after that.

 

Tobin looked over at Christen, trying to gage her reaction while hoping that she hadn’t fully understood what Kelley had said. Quickly realizing it was too late and that she definitely had.

 

Christen was already looking anywhere but at Tobin, surveying the table and all of their friends who were distracted in various conversations with each other. She barely gave it another second before she slid off of her barstool and quickly ducked into the crowd, not uttering another word to any of them.

 

Nobody besides Tobin and Kelley even saw her leave.

 

Tobin gave Kelley one last look of anger, much to Kelley’s confusion, and then slid off her own stool, trying to catch up with Christen as the dark-haired woman made her way towards the exit.

 

“Chris…” Tobin shouted, unable to be heard with the loud music and drunken people shouting all around them.

 

Christen rushed past everyone in front of the exit and pushed the door open, taking a deep breath as soon as she got outside. Letting the cooler night breeze sooth her sticky skin from the crowded bar.

 

Tobin was only a couple steps behind her, rushing through the packed entryway in hopes of catching up with her girlfriend before she got too far away.

 

“Chris, wait…” Tobin tried again as soon as she was outside, spotting Christen a few feet from the bar entrance as she was heading down the block quickly.

 

Christen didn’t break her stride, making Tobin jog a few steps until she was grabbing onto her arm softly, stopping Christen before she got any further away.

 

“Christen…” Tobin murmured once more, asking for her attention.

 

“Don’t, Tobin.” Christen yanked her arm back, stopping her movements to finally turn around and look back at Tobin.

 

It was like there was a fire in her eyes as the couple made eye contact.

 

Tobin had never seen Christen's green orbs look so damaging before.

 

She knew she was in trouble.

 

“Can we talk about that, please?” Tobin croaked out, feeling the panic rising up inside of herself at the way Christen was glaring at her.

 

“Are you kidding me?” Christen shot back, refusing to give Tobin an inch in the way of civil conversation like the brunette was hoping for.

 

“No..” Tobin shrugged almost defeatedly, instantly hating how it felt for Christen to be upset with her. “I can explain what Kelley just said...”

 

“You can explain what?” Christen scoffed. “The fact that you cheated on your last girlfriend or the fact that I had to learn about it from a drunk Kelley O’Hara?”

 

“No...” Tobin started before correcting herself. “Well, yes, but..” She was struggling to find any words at all. “I just…”

 

“Don’t you think that was maybe something you should have told me before right now?” Christen questioned with a seething tone. “Like, I don’t know, maybe any of the times I told you how hard it was for me to get over my ex that _cheated_ _on me_? Or maybe every time we talked about how fucking broken I am? … Or, I dunno, maybe every time you saw me start to trust you?”

 

“Yeah, okay.” Tobin sighed, reaching out to grab Christen’s hand to calm her down. “I swear, I wasn’t purposely keeping it from you. I honestly didn’t think about it... it was so long ago.”

 

“Do not give me some bullshit excuse right now, Tobin.” Christen pulled her hand back just as quickly as Tobin had taken it.

 

“Babe, I’m not.” Tobin put her hands up in front of her with her palms out like she was surrendering. “I just want to tell you the whole story.”

 

“Oh, now you wanna tell me the story? Only because I found out about it?” Christen rolled her eyes. “Wow, that’s very forthcoming of you…”

 

She then took a deep breath like the weight of this information was crashing down onto her, covering her eyes with her hands as she took another step back from Tobin.

 

Tobin was smart enough not to step with her, letting Christen have some space.

 

“Seriously?” Christen dropped her hands after a beat and finally locked eyes with Tobin again. “The only real, adult relationship you’ve ever had ended because you cheated on her?”

 

Tobin forced herself not to look away, swallowing thickly as she noticed the sadness and disbelief forming in Christen’s eyes. She didn’t know what to say so she just stood there quietly.

 

“Yes or no?” Christen questioned at Tobin's silence, wanting to hear her admit it.

 

Tobin ran a hand through her hair and blinked slowly, trying to delay the inevitable as long as possible.

 

She got just a moment of relief as Christen’s friends loudly pushed the door of the bar open, with Julie and Sofia stumbling out of the establishment ahead of Lauren who was clearly trying to corral them.

 

Tobin and Christen both noticed the taxi that was waiting in front of the sidewalk then at the same time, most likely the one that Lauren had called several minutes ago.

 

“Yes or no, Tobin?” Christen asked again, standing there with her arms crossed over the stomach like she was physically holding herself together as she waited for Tobin to answer her.

 

“...Yes.” Tobin sighed, bringing her hands together in front of her.

 

Christen let out the last bit of air that she had in her lungs, dropping her head like she was completely defeated.

 

“ _Chris, Tobin.. the cab is here. Time to go!_ ” Lauren yelled to them, clearly having no idea that they were fighting just down the block.

 

“Can I please tell you the story of why that happened?” Tobin whispered to her girlfriend, neither of them even acknowledging Lauren’s request.

 

She was trying to salvage this night as much as she could. They’d been having so much fun until Kelley opened her mouth.

 

“No. I have to go.” Christen murmured, not even bothering to look up and meet Tobin’s eyes again as she took a step and brushed past her, towards where her friends were waiting by the cab.

 

Tobin let out a shallow breath of her own and turned around to follow Christen, not knowing what else to do.

 

Lauren pulled the sliding door of the cab van open and climbed in before Sofia scooted in too, moving all the way to the back to make room for the others.  

 

Julie hopped in the front seat and shut the door as Christen and Tobin reached the van.

 

“Afterparty at the Press Palace!” Sofia drunkenly whooped out from the very back row. “Get in!!!”

 

Christen climbed in and dropped her purse to the floor of the cab, sitting in the seat closest to the door without looking at Tobin.

 

“Tobin, you coming or what?” Sofia yelled again, too loudly in her drunken state, like she was wondering why Christen hadn’t gotten out of the way so her girlfriend could get into the van too.

 

“No, Tobin is staying.” Christen informed them, grabbing her phone out of her purse and looking at it so she wouldn’t have to look up at Tobin again.

 

“What!?” Sofia whined. “That’s lame!”

 

Lauren gave Tobin a quizzical look, ducking her head down low enough to look out of the door from where she was sitting in the cab; wondering what happened to make her change her mind.

 

Tobin just gave her a side smile, trying to seem okay with not going with them.

 

“Will you please text me when you make it home?” Tobin requested softly, trying to get Christen’s attention one last time.

 

“Yes, we will.” Julie slurred out slowly, leaning out of the window from the front seat and giving Tobin a thumbs up with one eye closed.

 

“Is everyone in?” The cab driver wondered as he started the fare, ready to get going.

 

“We’re all here.” Christen responded to the driver, delicately sliding the door closed with her eyes fixated out the front windshield.

 

The door clicked shut and Julie gave Tobin a peace sign as the cab driver drove off.

 

Tobin stood planted on the sidewalk until their tail lights were out of sight, letting out a shaky breath from the way she and Christen’s night had just ended.

 

“Damnit.” She whispered, taking another moment to compose herself, trying to settle the aching pit of nerves that had formed in her stomach before finally relenting and heading back inside the bar to get Kelley and Mana.

 

She didn’t really have a choice now but to round them up and head for home.

 

The cab driver dropped the four women off at Christen’s house a little later, waiting as Christen paid the fare and making sure they made it inside before he left again.

 

Christen got them all settled as Sofia and Julie both downed some Tylenol and a lot of water and changed their clothes. Then the four best friends all climbed into Christen’s queen sized bed together, snuggling in close because they were drunk and didn’t care about personal space.

 

“Everything okay, Chris?” Lauren wondered softly as she shut the lamp off and pulled the covers up around her shoulders.

 

Sofia and Julie were already passed out in between them.

 

“Yeah.” Christen whispered, keeping her tone even enough to be believable. “Night, Chen.”

 

“Night, Press.” Lauren murmured in return, rolling over to face away from Sofia’s softly snoring face.

 

It wasn’t until a while later after Lauren’s breathing had slowed and Christen knew that all three of her friends were asleep that she finally let a tear run down her cheek.

 

She hadn’t been able to shut her mind off, replaying the events of the night over and over in her head until she finally broke.

 

She didn’t even bother to wipe the tear away, instead burying her face father into her pillow so it would collect the wetness for her.

 

Doing nothing but begging for sleep to find her for the rest of the night.


	17. Delicate.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it cool that I said all that  
> Is it too soon to do this yet?  
> Cause I know that it's delicate.
> 
>  
> 
> .

{415-395-2940: 8:44am} **_Hey Tobin, it’s Julie! I stole your number from Christen’s phone.. We just wanted to say sorry that we didn’t get to say goodbye. It was great to spend time with you, thanks for everything!_ **

 

{415-395-2940: 8:45am}: **_Also, Chris wasn’t feeling very well this morning, you’re probably gonna need to bring her a bunch of coffee and spoil her all day. Good luck :)_ **

 

Tobin re-read the texts that Julie had sent her earlier a couple times in a row as she stood in line at Kilauea Bakery, waiting behind a few people who were ahead of her before she could place her order.

 

She had been awake since way too early this morning, barely having found any sleep at all before she gave up and got out of bed just as the sun came up. She was exhausted and slightly hungover now, but it didn’t matter much either way. There was no way she was going to be able to rest until she talked to Christen. There was no use in forcing it.

 

Her mind hadn’t stopped replaying everything that had happened at the bar since the cab ride home late last night, and the only thing Tobin could focus on today was how she was going to make it right. She had a pit of fear growing inside her stomach from the fact that she may never get the opportunity.

 

Getting the texts from an unknown number this morning that turned out to be Julie seemed to give her a little hope, at least for a few moments.

 

If Christen’s best friend in the world was telling Tobin to go see Christen and spoil her all day, maybe, just maybe, she had a shot at doing that. Maybe Christen wasn’t as mad as she had seemed last night?

 

Every time Tobin would talk herself into that being a possibility, the look on Christen’s face as they argued on the sidewalk outside of the bar would reappear in Tobin’s mind and she’d immediately lose all hope again. She had really screwed this up and she could tell how hurt Christen was.

 

But she had no other options than to try and make it right. It was better than the alternative of staring at her phone while hoping for the usual good morning text or call from her girlfriend because that clearly wasn’t happening today.

 

When it was finally her turn to order, Tobin stepped to the counter and asked for two lattes and a mango danish, hoping that if she got a little sentimental with her breakfast offerings, Christen would at least give her an opportunity to tell her side of the story.

 

Tobin would have gotten one for herself too, but she already felt sick to her stomach with nerves, so she knew it would just go to waste.

 

She waited a few more minutes, trying to avoid small talk with the people she knew who were working at the small cafe until her order was being set up on the bartop. She gave the owner, Maggie, one final wave as she pushed the door of the place open and headed back towards her truck.

 

It was just over a mile to Christen’s house from there and Tobin found herself wishing it were farther than that as she tried to get her thoughts together while she drove. If Christen was going to give her a shot to explain, she wanted to get it right.

 

Thankfully, she had all the time in the world on this Saturday morning, having already dropped Peyton and Reese off at Kelley’s on her way into town.

 

It was the only way she and Christen would have a chance to speak candidly with each other, plus Tobin wanted to punish Kelley a little for her antics from the night before. Peyton’s loud and bubbly morning self would be the perfect way to do that to Kelley and the throbbing headache she deservedly woke up with.  

 

It was that thought that gave Tobin the smallest smile as she turned down Christen’s road, feeling herself get nervous again when her girlfriend’s house came into view.

 

“ _Okay, you can do this_. _She is worth it._ ” Tobin whispered out loud to herself as she pulled into Christen’s driveway, parking in her normal spot right next to where Christen’s Mini Cooper usually was.

 

Before she could psych herself out anymore she forced herself to keep moving, grabbing the Danish and the two coffees as she hopped out of her truck, surveying the house as she headed across the grass and up the cement walkway towards the porch.

 

The front door of Christen’s small house was all the way open so that Tobin could see in through the screen door as she climbed the steps, but there was no movement inside. She took one more deep breath, balancing both coffees and the pastry in one hand while she reached up and knocked softly on the wooden door frame.  

 

Waiting outside for the door to be answered felt so foreign to Tobin this morning. She couldn’t even remember the last time she or Peyton knocked instead of just letting themselves into Christen's house with a soft hello like it was their second home. It practically was by now.

 

She wasn’t brave enough to do that today, though. She wasn’t even sure Christen was going to let her inside at all.

 

There was nothing but more silence from inside the house after the first knock, so Tobin tried again, pounding on the screen door a little harder the second time. That must have gotten somewhat more attention because Gus emerged from where he was hiding under the porch like he had finally realized someone was here.

 

Tobin was just about to turn around and look at the cat when she heard soft footsteps walk into the living room, pulling her attention back inside of the house.

 

She felt a surge of butterflies run through her body as Christen came into view through the screen door. Her hair was up in a loose and messy bun on top of her head and she was wearing a baggy t-shirt with short shorts hiding underneath it, looking half asleep but still so beautiful to Tobin.

 

Christen didn’t say anything as she gently pushed her screen door open, eyeing Tobin with an apprehensive look on her face as she waited for Tobin to say something.

 

“Hi.” Tobin cleared her throat and whispered out softly as Christen’s leaned against the doorframe, holding it open with her arm while squinting with her eyes half shut from the bright sun outside.

 

“Hi.” Christen whispered back, looking from Tobin’s face down to the coffee and white paper bag in her hands.

 

“I um…” Tobin spoke again, feeling herself clamming up instantly. “I thought you maybe wanted some coffee this morning so I brought you some... And a mango danish, in case you were hungry...”

 

She trailed off while she internally berated herself for the way she started the conversation. She was going to need to do much better than that.

 

“...Sorry, were you asleep?” She finished then, mostly in a mumble.

 

“Yeah, I went back to bed after the girls left.” Christen nodded softly, chewing on the inside of her lip as more silence fell upon them.

 

“I’m sorry...” Tobin said again, feeling like she was only making this worse.

 

Christen half-shrugged one shoulder like she wasn’t even sure which thing Tobin was apologizing for.

 

Without thinking, Tobin reached up and brushed an eyelash off of Christen’s cheek as they quietly held eye contact for a moment, before Christen turned her head enough to pull away from Tobin’s touch.

 

The brunette felt her heart sink from that tiny little action and the distance between them now. All she wanted to do was pull her in.

 

A few seconds of awkward silence passed between the two as Christen’s eyes settled on the grass in the front yard, trying to focus anywhere but on Tobin.

 

Avoiding eye contact was the only way Christen could make herself be strong enough to keep her distance.

 

The whole scene was almost torture for Tobin, but she knew if they were going to get anywhere this morning it was on her to lead them, so she tried again.

 

“Do you want me to just, like, put this in the kitchen or something..?” She held up the breakfast in her hands a little higher, drawing Christen’s attention back to her.

 

Christen was quiet for another long moment until she nodded a tiny bit. “Yeah, that’s fine…” she whispered, pushing the door open a little farther so Tobin could step into her house.

 

Tobin took her cue quickly and moved past Christen, kicking off her flip-flops before she headed for the kitchen. The familiar smell of Christen’s house and how homey it felt helped to settle her nerves a bit more as she moved out of sight.

 

Christen let the screen door shut quietly behind Tobin and watched her girlfriend until she rounded the corner. She then made her way through the living room, back towards her bedroom without another word.

 

Tobin set the two coffees on the counter next to the fridge and then set the pastry down next to them, involuntarily smiling a little as she let her eyes focus on the picture that was hung up in the center of the fridge.

 

It had been there for a while now, but it had such a calming presence today.

 

The photo was from the Back to School Carnival from the end of the summer; in it, Tobin had her arm around Christen while Peyton held herself up on both of their backs, with her head poking through in between their shoulders. All of them smiling widely right back at the camera.

 

Tobin loved that picture so much. They looked like a cute little family in it, all huddled together and happy.

 

Another wave of dread ran through her body when she remembered she may have screwed that all up now. She had to push those thoughts away just as quickly as they’d come before she started to panic.

 

When she realized that Christen hadn’t followed her into the kitchen, Tobin spun around again and made her way back to the living room, trying to find where her girlfriend had disappeared to, hoping they could have a conversation.

 

She poked her head into Christen’s bedroom when she found the living room empty, noticing that Christen was already under the covers again, lying on her side and facing away from the door.

 

Tobin wasn’t sure about what to do next. It was pretty obvious that this was Christen’s way of telling her to leave, but Tobin hadn’t said a single thing that she’d come here to say, and she wasn’t going to go that easily. She’d made it this far and she couldn’t give up now.

 

“I put your breakfast next to the fridge.” She explained softly, trying to get Christen’s attention without scaring her.

 

“K..” Christen murmured back without rolling over.

 

Tobin ran a hand through her hair, feeling awkward all over again.

 

“I just wanted to say sorry again, about last night... about everything.” She spoke as she fidgeted with her hands. “When you’re ready, I’d really love a chance to talk…”

 

She was met with more silence in return.

 

“...I’ll be around all day if you would be willing to hear me out at some point.”

 

Christen was giving her nothing.

 

Tobin let out a loud, audible sigh after that, watching the dark-haired woman for a moment before she finally started to turn around and head for the front door again.

 

She was beyond frustrated with herself for getting them into this situation but there was nothing for her to do right now but to give Christen the space she clearly wanted.

 

She had one foot out of the bedroom when she heard Christen’s voice mumble her name.

 

“Tobin…”

 

Tobin paused and turned around slowly, feeling maybe the tiniest bit of hope for this first time all morning.

 

“Yeah?” She wondered back hesitantly.

 

There was another long pause before Christen spoke again. A little louder this time.

 

“I’m really mad at you.”

 

“I know.” Tobin responded solemnly with her voice barely above a whisper.

 

“And I’m hurt that you didn’t tell me.”

 

“That’s fair.” Tobin nodded a second time. “You have every right to be... I’m so sorry.”

 

“And I don’t want to talk right now because I feel like shit...” Christen reached behind herself and flung the covers back a little so the mattress was showing next to where she was lying. “But I’m also having a hard time sleeping without you, so you can hold me until I feel better...”

 

Tobin’s head snapped up from where her eyes had landed on the bedroom floor, thinking she'd misheard her.

 

“...if you want.” Christen finished quietly.

 

If that was the olive branch that Christen was going to extend, Tobin was sure as hell going to take it.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin nodded, practically falling over herself as she took a couple steps towards the bed before Christen could change her mind. “Yeah, I can do that.”

 

She crawled onto the bed slowly and settled in behind her girlfriend, knowing exactly how to hold Christen as she liked to be held. Her arms slid slowly around Christen’s waist and she nuzzled her face into the back of her neck, inhaling her favorite scent of Christen’s skin as she got comfortable and pulled the dark-haired woman a little closer.

 

It was clear in an instant for Tobin that right next to Christen was where she was supposed to be. She could physically feel her body relax as soon as she had her arms around her. This woman meant so much to Tobin.

 

Both of them were sound asleep within a few minutes.

 

They were too tired and too mentally drained from the events of the last ten hours that they couldn’t do anything else but enjoy how right it felt to be cuddled in close together. It was really more of a relief to both of them than anything.

 

 

Tobin was the first one to wake up a few hours later.

 

It was practically early evening when her eyes fluttered open, with her face still buried into Christen’s neck as both of them were unmoved in their sleep.

 

She could tell the sun was starting to set from how it looked out of Christen’s bedroom window as she rolled over onto her back to stretch her limbs, not wanting to wake Christen up in the process.

 

She couldn’t help but lay there for a while, watching how soft and serene Christen looked as she slept. She hated to think that she was the reason Christen had a terrible night's sleep to begin with. All of this could have been avoided so easily if Tobin wouldn’t have been so careless.

 

After the sun had dipped low enough outside to make the room dark, Tobin finally got out of bed, deciding she’d make a cup of coffee for both of them; knowing that whatever drinks she’d brought earlier were all but ruined by now. Hopefully it was the thought that counted on that one.

 

She tiptoed out of the bedroom and made her way back to the kitchen, finding Christen’s French press and some fresh grounds in the cupboard and then got to work. Ten minutes later she was walking two steaming mugs of coffee and the mango danish back towards her girlfriend’s room on a wooden tray, hoping the aroma would help to be a gentle wake up for the younger woman.

 

Tobin hadn’t heard any movements while she was in the kitchen but as soon as she got back to the bedroom she noticed Christen was no longer in bed. The older woman paused quietly until she heard the sink in the bathroom running, clueing her in on Christen’s whereabouts.

 

She set the coffee tray down on the bed and then sat back down herself, situating her body against the headboard as she waited on Christen to come back.

 

The dark-haired woman was a little more put together when she came out of the bathroom than she was the first time she got up to answer the door this morning. Her hair was now tied tighter in a bun with the flyaways all tucked in like they hadn’t been before, and her face was freshly washed to get the sleep out of her eyes.

 

Her natural beauty captivated Tobin again as she watched her silently from the bed.

 

Christen climbed back onto the other side of her mattress and sat next to Tobin, keeping more distance in between them than Tobin would have liked. It was quite obvious that it was done on purpose and Tobin bit her lip as she realized this maybe wasn’t going to go as well as it had seemed when they fell asleep together.

 

“I made some new coffee.” Tobin hummed quietly as she reached for Christen’s cup. “And I brought the danish in here that I picked up earlier. You should probably eat something.”

 

“Thanks.” Christen murmured in return as she took the coffee out of Tobin’s hand.

 

They sat there in silence as Christen took a couple sips of the black liquid and then cupped the warm mug with both hands.

 

Tobin was still chewing on her bottom lip as she racked her brain on how to begin their much-needed conversation, knowing Christen wouldn’t do it for her. She decided she’d start with some small talk, as lame as it felt.

 

“Did your friends get to the airport okay?” She wondered, trying to test the waters a bit.

 

“Yeah...” Christen answered, still refusing to offer any more than that.

 

“Julie sent me a text earlier..” Tobin mumbled, slowly looking over at Christen as she spoke. “I was a little surprised to hear from her this morning… I kinda figured your friends would hate me now, after last night…”

 

Christen didn’t turn her head to meet Tobin’s eyes, instead reaching a hand out to smooth down a crease in the bedsheets underneath them.

 

“... I didn’t tell them.” Christen finally answered. “I didn’t want to deal with it last night and it’s kinda hard to tell anyone anything when I have no idea what went on…”

 

Tobin nodded her head in understanding. _Should she say thank you for that?_

 

“So, here’s your chance to explain…” Christen mumbled then. “Tell me the story of what happened.”

 

Apparently, she was tired of skirting around the issue. Plus, the sooner she heard Tobin’s side of it, the sooner she could make her leave again. At least that’s what it felt like to Tobin.

 

“You mean like the story of the actual thing or..?” Tobin tried to clarify as Christen practically cut her off.

 

“The thing about you cheating on someone..” Christen raised her eyebrows like she was annoyed “Yes, that story. I’m just dying to hear it...”

 

Tobin swallowed thickly at the anger that was evident in Christen’s voice now. Yeah, this wasn’t going to be easy.

 

“Okay.” Tobin nodded again. “Well.. not that it matters, but I guess I’ll just start by saying that it was a one-time thing, not something I did all the time or anything.. And I felt really bad about it the following day and I told my ex the truth right away...”

 

Tobin knew how pathetic that sounded, even to her own ears. There was nothing she could say to ease the sting of this at all.

 

When Christen made no attempt to respond, the brunette continued, although it felt like her mind was practically going blank now.

 

“It happened when I was 22; it was my first year on the pro tour so I was traveling a lot and I never really got to see my girlfriend at the time because of my schedule. I kind of knew I was on the verge of breaking up with her but for some reason, I just hadn’t done it yet. She wanted us to be, like, super serious and I was _so_ not serious about anything in life at that point... It freaked me out every time she would talk about our future together and stuff, like, I just wasn’t ready for any of that. But, I don’t know… we had started out as really good friends and guess I didn’t want to lose that part of our relationship or something, so I just hadn’t broken up with her yet. “

 

“Anyway, I was over on Maui for a competition that I ended up winning. It was my first win ever as a Pro and it was a huge deal for me. And being the immature kid that I was - or at least that I acted like - winning sorta just made me feel like I was untouchable that night. I kind of felt that way all the time back then, I guess… It’s pretty crazy the way people treat you in those situations.”

 

Christen thought back to the first night she met Tobin and it was easy for her to picture that same thing. Tobin was a God in the eyes of most of those people that night. It’d probably been like that for a long time. It made her stomach ache a little thinking about Tobin being desired by everyone like that. She was sure it was only more intense now.

 

She had to shake her head to get rid of those thoughts, trying to focus as Tobin continued.

 

“So that night I got way too drunk because everyone was buying me shots and drinks; and there was this girl on tour with us, that for some reason that night, decided to tell me she had a crush on me or whatever. And after she told me that, she was, like, outwardly trying to get with me. So I let myself go down that path and I did something incredibly stupid and ended up sleeping with her... I think I basically let it happen because I knew I was going to break up with my ex soon anyway and I _really_ didn’t want to be in a relationship at the time, so I used that as an excuse in my drunken state and I didn’t stop myself.”

 

Christen let out a frustrated sigh, clearly upset at what Tobin was saying. “You should have just broken up with your ex before it got to that. Cheating on someone because you don’t want to break up with them is _such_ a pathetic excuse, Tobin…”

 

“I know that.” Tobin agreed quickly. “Trust me, Chris, I know that it’s not an excuse. When I woke up the next morning I was so disgusted with myself because I wasn’t that type of person... I’m _not_ that type of person....”

 

Christen didn’t respond again so Tobin kept going.

 

“But it made me realize a lot about myself. I figured out that I wasn’t a relationship type of person at that point in my life. So I told my ex what happened and she broke up with me, and as bad as it sounds, I was okay with it... I hated that we couldn’t stay friends, but I obviously understood what I did to cause that. And then after that, I basically just swore off relationships... I didn’t want to be committed to anyone at all until you came along. I just wanted to experience everything in life that I could without being tied down. I wanted to be wild and do what I pleased, and so I did...”

 

Tobin let out another long sigh and shrugged sadly.

 

“...I know that it’s a very lame story and I was completely wrong to do that, but I can’t take it back now. I’m really sorry that it happened.”

 

Christen nodded slowly like she was processing her thoughts, pausing for a long moment before she finally spoke again.

 

“Have you ever heard the expression ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’?” She questioned softly against the quiet room, not looking over at Tobin as she did.

 

“...Yeah, I’ve heard it.” Tobin nodded slowly.

 

“Do you think that saying is true?” Christen wondered in return.

 

Tobin didn’t say anything for a moment, keeping her eyes fixated on her the painting that was hung up on the wall across the from the bed. It felt sorta like a trick question and she wasn’t sure what kind of response the green-eyed woman was looking for from it.

 

“Because I do...” Christen continued after a beat. “It’s been proven to me that it’s true.”

 

“Christen..” Tobin sighed, finally looking over at her girlfriend again, realizing what she was implying.

 

“So my only logical thought with all this information is: how long is it going to be before you cheat on me?” Christen whispered, lifting her eyes from the mattress to look at Tobin finally.

 

“Never.” Tobin promised with an urgent tone. “I’m never going to cheat on you. That’s not even in the realm of possibilities for me when it comes to you.”

 

They just looked at each other like they were longing for another time or place, hating where they were now, sitting in a room of silence and feeling like they were a million miles apart.

 

“... It’s just _so_ damn frustrating.” Christen finally husked out exasperatedly, her voice cracking a tiny bit as she spoke. “How everything can be going amazingly well - like we had finally gotten to this awesome place together - and then shit like this comes up and sends us right back to the start.”

 

“We’re not back to the start, honey.” Tobin insisted with a pleading voice. “Look... I know that cheating on someone was wrong of me. Believe me when I say I’ve regretted it since it happened. And I also know that it was wrong of me to not tell you about it happening, but babe, I’m not even the same person I was when I did that. I don’t even remember who that person was anymore.”

 

“What does that even mean?” Christen scoffed with anger back in her voice now.

 

She wasn’t buying that line one bit.

 

Tobin took a deep breath to reset, wanting to start from the beginning. Hoping Christen could see her point of view a little bit if she understood the full scope of things.

 

“When I think of my life as a whole, it is clearly defined to me in two completely separate parts. Before and After.” Tobin explained with a soft voice, trying to ease the tension between them.

 

Christen knew what she meant by that so she looked up and met Tobin’s eyes again, letting her continue.

 

“Before Jessie’s accident happened, I acted like a dumb kid who basically did as I pleased. I went out a lot and surfed all day and had zero responsibilities in my life. I just didn’t know what it was like to lose anyone, or what it was like to hurt people or be hurt by them, or how hard it is to take care of anyone. It’s not an excuse, but it’s the truth. I was unknowingly selfish and self-centered and that’s how I lived my life.”

 

Christen let her eyes drop to her hands, wringing them together as she listened.

 

It bothered her to think of Tobin in that way, it was so far from how she was now.

 

“And I don’t mean that in the way of me being intentionally unkind or anything because I was raised better than that, and I’ve always tried to treat people well, I just mean it as me being a lazy child who had most things in life handed to me.”

 

Tobin reached for her coffee and took a sip before she continued.

 

“And then after the accident…” she paused again. “My world - it changed completely in every aspect. It was turned upside and shattered completely and I came out of the flames with all the responsibilities in the world and no idea how to handle it.”

 

“So I grew up really quickly. I was devastated and confused and really angry but I knew I had no choice but to put my all into making sure my life, and Peyton’s life, was worth living. It completely changed my outlook on everything, basically. Relationships and family and the meaning of life... All of it.”

 

Tobin reached over towards Christen and grabbed her hand, trying to convey her seriousness with her feelings now. She didn’t even give Christen a chance to pull away.

 

“And I really was telling you the truth last night when I said I didn’t think to tell you about the whole cheating thing... I don’t ever think about my life before the accident. It’s like my mind has completely blocked it out as some sort of self-defense mechanism or something. To me, it feels like that version of Tobin is a completely separate person.”

 

Christen sighed as she shifted her position a little. She let go of Tobin’s hand but turned her body so she was facing Tobin and then pulled her knees up to her chest, taking time to process all of her thoughts.

 

“You know it’s funny to me..” Tobin murmured a minute later like she was almost reflecting now. “I used to think I’d been in love before. I mean, I’ve said I love you to people - people I’ve hurt even - and I thought I knew what that meant. But I really didn’t... Not until I met you. It was so eye-opening to me when you walked into my life. It was like I finally _wanted_ to be in a relationship, probably for the first time ever.”

 

“And I know we’re taking this slow and I’m not trying to rush it or anything but it’s like I’m falling towards love with you so easily and it, like, should be freaking me out. The old Tobin would definitely be freaked out and looking to push it away, but I’m not. I’m welcoming it like it’s the most important thing in my life. Which I guess is probably because it is. Other than Peyton, you’re the most important thing in my life now. And I still have that same urge inside of me to be a little wild and do crazy things, but now I want to do all those things with you right there with me so that we can experience them together…”

 

“So knowing that and welcoming those feelings into my ‘after’ life, makes me know that I would never cheat on you. Whether or not you trust my word on that is obviously up to you, but I am going to work to prove that to you as long as you’ll let me.”

 

Christen reached up and wiped away the little bit of wetness that was gathering in her eyes from the emotions of the whole conversation before she clasped her hands together around her knees again, still trying to wrap her mind around everything.

 

“What else don’t I know?” Christen finally questioned, lifting her eyes to meet Tobin’s again. “Whatever you need to tell me about, please do it now so we can work through it because I can’t keep doing this every time something surprises me. That’s not the kind of relationship I want to be in.”

 

“That’s not the kind of relationship I want to be in either.” Tobin shook her head in agreement. “I promise, Chris, there is nothing else. You can ask me anything you want, whenever you want, and I will tell you the honest truth. I don’t ever want to hide anything from you.”

 

Christen stretched her legs out in front of her, almost like she was finally opening up a little as Tobin apologized again.

 

“… I’m really sorry, Christen.” She implored, giving Christen another soft look.

 

“I know you are.” Christen murmured like she was thinking about what she wanted to say next.

 

“...But…?” Tobin whispered, knowing that wasn’t it.   

 

“But I can’t promise that this will never worry me in the future. I can’t promise I won’t ever get jealous or that it won’t affect us at all… I just.. I can’t help it. I’m wired that way now.”

 

“Okay, I get that.” Tobin sighed again, practically in relief. She could accept that possibility, not that she had a choice either way. “...And when that happens, I promise to be patient with you and your feelings until we work through it. I know I owe that to you and I’m more than willing to prove myself to you whenever you need me to.”

 

Christen held eye contact with Tobin for a long moment as she let out a breath through pursed lips, finally agreeing to believe her girlfriend.

 

As much as it bothered Christen that she hadn’t known about this already, when it came down to it, it’s not like Tobin had cheated on her. And Christen knew that if her own past relationships had gone differently, she probably wouldn’t have been  _that_ affected by how Tobin’s relationship ended six years ago.

 

Of course, cheating was bad and never okay, but so far, Tobin had been nothing but a perfect girlfriend to her. Christen couldn’t let this information change that fact.

 

_Maybe people don’t wholeheartedly change into someone new like Tobin believes she did, but they do grow and learn and evolve. That's part of getting to know yourself and becoming who you are._

 

Believing in that was enough for Christen right now. She just wanted her happiness back. She just wanted Tobin.

 

Tobin was looking at her so apologetically that it peeled away the last little resolve that Christen had, making her sigh loudly and give in.

 

“...Okay.” She finally breathed, letting Tobin off the hook.

 

Tobin's bright brown eyes and hopeful expression were too much for Christen and she couldn't hold onto her anger anymore when her girlfriend was looking at her like that. “No more secrets, okay?”

 

“No more secrets.” Tobin repeated, shaking her head firmly.

 

“I’m serious, even if you think of something later that you know I would want to know about your past, please tell me. I don’t want to hear about any other important things from Kelley.” Christen furthered, making sure Tobin understood how serious she was about it.

 

“I promise.” Tobin nodded, finally feeling herself relax completely.

 

Christen sat up on her knees and then fell forward onto her stomach, lying across the bed all the way like she was finally relaxing too.

 

“ _Ughh_! I hate fighting with you.” She bellowed out lightheartedly. “Let’s not do it again.”

 

“Deal.” Tobin smiled meekly as she reached out and started to rub Christen’s back, soothing her girlfriend a little more as her hands moved under Christen’s baggy t-shirt.

 

Christen welcomed the contact for a moment, shutting her eyes to enjoy Tobin’s strong hands on her tired muscles before her eyes opened again as the thought of Reese came to her mind.

 

“Do you know where my dog is?” She mumbled out with her face half pressed into the mattress. “I just realized I haven’t seen him in like 24 hours...”

 

“He’s with PJ, of course.” Tobin started to laugh softly for the first time all day. “I’m not gonna lie, honey, it kinda seems like you bought her the dog…”

 

“And where is PJ with him?” Christen wondered as she lifted her head up to look at Tobin. “Did you let them stay home?”

 

“Babe, she’s eight…” Tobin chuckled a little more. “Obviously I do dumb things a lot but I usually remember that the small child needs to be cared for.”

 

“Just kidding..” Christen finally smiled too.

 

“They’re at Kelley’s.” Tobin answered her question. “I dropped them off on my way over here with no promises of returning.”

 

“Oh man, I hope they tortured her all day.” Christen hummed teasingly.

 

“Believe me, I do too.” Tobin nodded in more serious agreement.

 

“So I guess we should probably go get them, huh? Now that it’s nighttime and I’ve spent all day in bed...”

 

Tobin thought about it for a second as she swayed her head back and forth quietly.

 

She really hadn’t had a plan for what she was going to do for the night since she had no idea how her talk with Christen was going to go. She knew she could easily text Kelley and tell her to keep Peyton overnight if she wanted to.

 

“Or they could spend the night there...” Tobin started to suggest. “We haven’t had any alone time lately and after today I think we could use a night for just us... if you want.”

 

“Will Kelley mind?” Christen wondered.

 

“I don’t really care if she minds…” Tobin shrugged. “And I’d really like to take you to dinner and spoil you for the rest of the night if that’s okay...”

 

“Oh my gosh, I’m seriously starving...” Christen groaned at the mention of dinner like she was just now remembering she hadn’t eaten all day. “I would kill for some Chinese food right now. That’s always my go-to hangover food.”

 

“We can do Chinese.” Tobin agreed with a laugh. “The takeout place in town is super good and they’ve got those little picnic tables out front so we can eat outside.”

 

“Okay, I’m gonna shower quick because I’m super gross.” Christen murmured as she pushed herself up and climbed off her bed. “Then we can go.”

 

“K.” Tobin smiled.

 

She took a couple steps towards the bathroom when Tobin got her attention again. “Chris?”

 

“Hmm?” Christen turned around to find out what she wanted.

 

“Can I kiss you first?” Tobin questioned almost sheepishly, standing up from the bed and taking a slow step towards her.

 

She really wanted to ask Christen if she could join her in the shower, but she wasn’t sure they were there again just yet.

 

“I’ve really missed kissing you all week…” Tobin hummed again.

 

Christen nodded as she turned around and took a step towards Tobin in return. “I’ve missed it too.”

 

The familiarity of how it felt when their lips met helped to put them both at ease and it wasn’t long before they were a little lost in the kiss. Tobin’s hands drifted down to the top of Christen’s ass and Christen held Tobin’s face gently with her hands on both sides of her cheeks.

 

When they finally pulled back, they both felt like they were back to _them_ again. The day’s worries seemingly gone, at least for the time being.

 

Tobin couldn’t help but smile at the slight blush on Christen’s face from the kiss, watching as her girlfriend stepped away and headed for the shower.

 

She then took a minute to grab her phone and text Kelley as she waited on Christen to get ready, making her way out to the porch to get some fresh air.

 

{Tobs: 5:38pm}: **_Would you mind keeping PJ and Reese overnight for me?_ **

 

{KO: 5:39pm}: **_Yeah, I can do that. We’re just making dinner now anyway.. Everything go ok with you and Chris?_ **

 

{Tobs: 5:40pm}: **_I think so. I have a feeling it’ll take her a while to be completely over it but we talked and we’re ok. We’re gonna go grab dinner and chill tonight._ **

 

{KO: 5:40pm}: **_I’m glad. PJ is good here, we still have to build a fort and watching Power Rangers so our night is booked._ **

 

{Tobs: 5:42pm}: **_Thanks dude. I’ll come get them in the morning._ **

 

Christen finished showering and dried her hair before she threw on an old pair of soccer shorts and a Stanford hoodie, knowing that was the most put together she was going to get tonight.

 

“I’m ready when you are.” She hummed as she stepped out onto the porch, finding Tobin where she had been waiting for her.

 

“How are you so hot?” Tobin questioned with a soft voice as she stood up from the porch swing and let her eyes roam over Christen slowly.

 

“I literally have an old sweatshirt with holes in it and a pair of shorts on..” Christen pointed out, looking down at herself. “Sorry, but this is the best I could do.”

 

“It’s more than enough.” Tobin shrugged as she wrapped her arms around Christen’s waist. “You’re really beautiful, even in a sweatshirt and shorts. It’s one of my favorite looks on you, actually.”

 

“Thank you.” Christen whispered, hugging Tobin back for a moment but not holding on as long as she normally would have.

 

Tobin tried not to read too much into that, hoping it was just coincidence and not Christen still feeling a weirdness between them.

 

The green-eyed woman shut the lights off inside and locked up and followed Tobin out to her truck, ready to finally go get some food to satisfy her hangover cravings.

 

Tobin felt herself being almost clingy now that Christen was willing to be next to her again. She held Christen’s hand the whole drive to the restaurant and kept a hand on her lower back while they stood in line and decided what they wanted to order. Christen slowly loosened up during dinner too, keeping her hand on Tobin’s thigh as they ate, both of them moving closer and closer together until it seemed like their personal space didn’t exist at all.

 

“Do you wanna just go to your house after this since my car is there anyway?” Christen wondered as she chewed, now eating off of Tobin’s plate after she had finished her own.

 

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Tobin nodded as she took a drink of her lemonade. “But I’m only taking you home if you promise to stay over. Now that your friends are gone, I’m not willing to sleep without you anymore.”

 

Christen looked up from her fork with a thoughtful look on her face before she smiled. “I have to say, cuddling with you is a lot better than cuddling with those three. I’m gonna need a bigger house before they come next time.”

 

Tobin smiled as she wrapped her arm around Christen’s shoulder, pulling her in close and kissing her temple before she got up and threw away their trash.

 

The drive home to Tobin’s was quiet in a peaceful way, almost like they were both just happy to be back to their routine. The late nights spent showing Christen’s friends a good time were fun and all, but Christen was actually welcoming the quietness again. Peyton kept them busy enough the way it was and Tobin was right, they hadn’t had enough time together the past week.

 

When they got home, Tobin let them in through the garage and then put the door down for the night, dropping her keys in the entryway as Christen moved further into the house ahead of her.

 

“I’d offer to make you a drink but I have a suspicion you are going to be skipping alcohol for a bit.” Tobin murmured as she raised an eyebrow and looked over at Christen.

 

“You would be correct.” Christen nodded as she leaned against the kitchen island with a half smile. “At least for tonight…”

 

Tobin smiled back at her, silently remembering all the shots they took the night before as her stomach turned a little at the thought of it. “Yeah, your friends sure know how to drink.”

 

She put on some soft music through the speakers in the living room and then joined Christen in the kitchen, reaching a hand out to pull her girlfriend in.

 

“You know what this is reminding me of?” Christen wondered as she wrapped her arms around Tobin’s shoulders.

 

“Hmmm?” Tobin wondered as she nuzzled in close.

 

“The first night I stayed here...” Christen responded. “It feels a lot like that tonight.”

 

“Oh yeah, I guess it does.” Tobin agreed, realizing she was right.

 

It probably had to do with the way they were almost being a little shy around each other again; still figuring out how to find their way back from their first real fight.

 

Christen was done being passive about it now, though.

 

“But do you know what is different tonight than it was the first time I was here?” She murmured into Tobin’s ear.

 

“What?” Tobin whispered, smiling into Christen's skin without bothering to guess.

 

She could have come up with a thousand things given how far they’d come since then, but she just wanted Christen to say it.

 

“The fact that I know you have an outdoor shower…” Christen hummed.

 

Tobin lifted her head and laughed softly, nodding in agreement. “That’s true, you do know that now...”

 

She was intrigued to hear why Christen was bringing that up, not really expecting them to go that far tonight when everything was still so raw between them.

 

“And, I mean, I know I just showered..” Christen shrugged with her arms on Tobin’s shoulders. “But I wouldn’t mind getting _wet_ again.”

 

That made Tobin laugh a little harder as she raised her eyebrows.

 

“Was that a sex joke, Christen?”

 

Christen giggled in return. “It was sex joke _and_ a true statement.”

 

That was all the brown-eyed woman needed to hear.

 

“Well then...” Tobin grinned playfully. “Should we go use it?”

 

“I think we should.”

 

Christen’s lips found Tobin’s as the brunette backed them up through the kitchen, trying to navigate their movements without separating from each other. Tobin skillfully twisted the lock on the back patio door and pulled it open, keeping her concentration on the kiss as she flicked on the outside light and then lifted Christen up to step out onto the deck.

 

She carried Christen across the wooden planked deck and set her down again just as they got to the showerhead in the corner, pulling away just enough to crank the handle so the water would come out.

 

They let the water warm up as they undressed each other, taking their time to kiss down each other’s bodies before Tobin was walking Christen backwards again, guiding her under the water once they were both naked.

 

“Burr!” Christen squealed out cutely as the first sensation of water hit her before she adjusted to the temperature quickly.

 

“Sorry, too cold.” Tobin laughed in acknowledgment, turning the handle a little hotter as she joined Christen under the steady waterfall before they were right back to kissing.

 

Tobin then grabbed Christen’s hips softly and pushed her back against the wall, breaking away from Christen’s lips to kiss down her neck and between her breasts, moving south until she was on her knees in front of her girlfriend, letting the water cascade down over both of their bodies.

 

She lifted Christen’s right leg up and kissed a path up towards her center, loving the way Christen’s hands were tangled in her hair as she bit down softly on Christen’s inner thigh, earning a soft moan from the dark-haired woman.

 

“Baby...” Tobin husked out, soothing the sting from her teeth with her tongue as she continued her trail up towards Christen’s center. “You are so sexy.”

 

“Tobin...” Christen panted, her words barely audible with how turned on she was.

 

Tobin realized what she had just called Christen as her girlfriend murmured her name, lifting her eyes to meet Christen’s like she knew she was in trouble again.  

 

She hadn’t meant for that word to slip out.

 

She knew her girlfriend didn’t want to be called that. They’d been over this.

 

“Sorry..” Tobin breathed, kissing Christen’s skin again with the hope that if she kept moving, their mood wouldn’t be ruined.

 

“Say it again.” Christen rasped out thickly, catching Tobin by surprise with her demand.

 

Tobin looked up and locked eyes with Christen again, making sure she heard her right.

 

“Baby..” Tobin hummed almost hesitantly as she stood up, pulling Christen’s hips into her body until they were flush together.

 

Christen panted a little harder, thrusting her hips into Tobin when she said it a second time. “It’s really hot when you call me that.”

 

Tobin held eye contact with Christen for a long moment before she cupped her jaw and angled her head to the left, leaning into her ear and whispering sensually one more time.

 

“You are so beautiful, baby. I want to make you feel good.”

 

Christen sighed happily as her head fell back against the wall gently, letting a content smile spread across her face as Tobin dropped to her knees again and got to work.

 

She didn’t stop until Christen was softly moaning her name into the air of the warm, dark night.


	18. Never Grow Up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just try to never grow up
> 
>  
> 
> .

“ _Toby?_ ”

 

Christen’s eyes opened quickly to the sound of Peyton’s voice, simultaneously registering the noise of Tobin’s bedroom door being pushed open along with the sound of a sickly cry coming from the child.  

 

Christen had been in a deep sleep, lying mostly on top of Tobin, both of them tucked in tight under her down comforter; the same way they’d fallen asleep the last three nights together.

 

Tobin seemed to have woken up at the exact same time that Christen did as they both shot upright in bed, trying to figure out what was going on.

 

“Toby?” Peyton cried again from the doorway, her little body illuminated by the hallway light that was turned on, contrasting against Tobin’s dark bedroom so they couldn’t make out her face.

 

Christen glanced at the clock, realizing it was just after 2 am and that they had been sound asleep for a few hours now. She also remembered then that they were both completely naked, having stupidly decided not to get up and put clothes on after they’d had sex before they fell asleep.

 

They always put clothes on again before they passed out - specifically as a precaution for this exact situation.

 

“Yeah, buddy? I’m here.” Tobin croaked out, her voice rough from the deep sleep she had also been in, letting Peyton know she was awake.

 

Peyton reached up and flicked the light on just as Christen was pulling Tobin’s bed sheet up over her bare chest.

 

“I threw up in my bed.” Peyton cried as she explained why she was awake in the middle of the night and standing in their doorway.

 

Tobin had just gotten the covers up over her chest as well as they let their eyes adjust to the bright light that was now on, squinting a bit before they could see Peyton clearly.

 

“And now Reese is eating it!” Peyton cried a little harder, continuing with her explanation.

 

The dog had been sleeping in Peyton’s bed again tonight. The way he usually did when he and Christen stayed over at their house.

 

“ _Ewww._ ” Tobin scrunched up her face in a disgusted reaction before she could help it, imagining what Peyton had just said.

 

“ _Tobin_...” Christen chided, not wanting the child to feel bad about getting sick when she obviously couldn’t help it before she turned her attention to Peyton again.

 

“It’s okay, sweetie.” She hummed gently, trying to calm Peyton down. “Are you okay?”

 

“I don’t feel good.” Peyton shook her head as a tear rolled down her cheek.

 

Christen and Tobin both turned to look at each other, thinking the same thing. Wishing they weren’t naked right now. If they got out of bed to comfort Peyton, she’d be very confused as to why they weren’t wearing any clothes, and neither of them wanted to put her through that trauma tonight.

 

Luckily, Tobin’s improvised parenting skills kicked into gear just in time.

 

“Can you run to the bathroom for me, Squirt?” Tobin tried then. “I’m right behind you and we’ll get you cleaned up and feeling better, okay?”

 

“You will come with me?” Peyton asked through a deep breath, making sure she wasn’t being sent off alone when she was sick and scared.

 

“Yeah, of course.” Tobin nodded. “I’ll be right there.”

 

Peyton nodded and out of nowhere dry heaved, her eyes going wide in surprise before she turned around to sprint back down the hallway, heading for her bathroom. Trying not to get sick again anywhere but the toilet.

 

As soon as Peyton was out of sight, Tobin and Christen both hopped out of bed at the same time as Tobin scrambled to her dresser. She tossed a t-shirt and a pair of shorts at Christen and then took one each for herself as they quickly got dressed.

 

“I’ve got PJ.” Tobin murmured as she pulled her shirt over her head.

 

“K, I’ll get Reese and clean up Peyton’s bed.” Christen decided as they both strode out of the room, coming up with a plan of attack easily like they’d done it a thousand times before.

 

Tobin ducked into the bathroom in a rush as Christen made it to Peyton’s bedroom, rounding the corner from the hallway as she heard Peyton start to throw up again along with Tobin’s soft voice trying to soothe her.

 

“Reese, no!” Christen shouted, noticing the dog still standing on Peyton’s bed, licking whatever used to be on her bedsheets. “Get down!” She shouted again.

 

Reese wasn’t budging until Christen got to him, too preoccupied with his midnight snack to care.

 

_“Ew, ew, ew._ ” She whispered to herself as she pulled on Reese’s collar to get him to jump down. _“You’re never kissing my face again. That’s so gross.”_

 

She stripped Peyton’s bed sheets and comforter quickly and balled them up before walking out of her room again, heading for the washing machine.

 

Once she had the washer going she made her way back through the house and peaked around the corner of the bathroom door, checking in on how Peyton was doing. Tobin had the kid in her lap, rubbing her back as they both sat on the floor next to the toilet, obviously waiting for another round of sickness to come.

 

Tobin’s eyes were heavy with tiredness as she let her head rest against the cupboard under the sink, tracing circles over Peyton’s back with her left hand, trying anything she could think of to make her feel better.

 

Christen just stood there and watched them for a moment, letting them have their quietness until Reese came down the hall too, the noise of his nails on the hardwood making Peyton look over towards the door.

 

Tobin lifted her head from the cabinet at the same time, looking over at Christen with an exhausted yet appreciative gaze.

 

“You okay, cutie?” Christen wondered softly, watching as Peyton nodded her head yes.

 

The kid was trying to be strong but she barely had any energy at all, quickly resting her head back on Tobin’s chest. Tobin hugged her a little tighter at that.

 

“Honey, where are the spare bed sheets?” Christen questioned softly. “I’ll get her bed remade in case she wants to crawl back in.”

 

“They should be in the closet across the hall right there.” Tobin murmured, pointing out of the bathroom door to the hallway closet that was just behind Christen.

 

Christen spun around and busied herself with getting some clean sheets out to fit on Peyton’s bed, calling Reese behind her so he wouldn’t bother them if she got sick again.

 

Tobin and Peyton sat on the bathroom floor for another minute to make sure she wasn’t going to puke again before Tobin looked down at her, wondering if they could move.

 

“Do you wanna try the couch? I can put a movie on and we’ll get you a bucket in case you throw up some more?” Tobin suggested, knowing it’d be much more comforting to get out of the bathroom.

 

Peyton just nodded without speaking and let Tobin stand up with her in her arms. They made their way out into the hallway before Tobin paused.  

 

“Hey, babe?” She wondered as she looked into Peyton’s bedroom, getting Christen’s attention.

 

“Yeah?” Christen wondered back, crawling out of Peyton’s bottom bunk after getting the fitted sheet wrapped around her mattress.

 

“Will you grab another sheet and lay it on the couch for me? PJ is gonna try and lay out here for a bit.”

 

“Yeah.” Christen nodded, scooting past them in the doorway to head for the closet once more, running her hand over Peyton’s hair as she did.

 

She laid out a sheet over the couch and tucked it in so it wouldn’t slip out and then grabbed Peyton’s pillow from her bed before Tobin carefully laid the child down on the couch, tucking her in with a spare blanket. Tobin then went to the kitchen and grabbed an old ice cream pail and a glass of water and made her way back to the living room.

 

Reese was quick to hop up on the end of the couch, curling up at Peyton’s feet and promptly shutting his eyes like he was ready to get back to sleep. No longer concerned with what was going on around him.  

 

Christen joined them after a minute, kneeling down next to Tobin on the living room floor as they both looked over Peyton on the couch. The dark-haired woman then stuck the back of her hand out and touched Peyton’s forehead, like she’d watched her own mother do to herself a hundred times when she was little, checking for any sort of fever.

 

“Should we take her temperature?” Tobin wondered as she watched Christen’s face for a reaction.

 

“Do you have a thermometer?” Christen questioned in return. “She does feel pretty warm.”

 

“I’ll see if I can find it.” Tobin nodded and stood up again, walking towards the small bathroom in her bedroom, where she kept most of the medicine so it was out of Peyton’s reach.

 

“I’m really cold.” Peyton whispered meekly as Christen kept an eye on her.

 

“I think you have a fever, sweetie. Sometimes you feel cold even though your body is really hot on the inside.” Christen explained before she got another idea of how her mom and dad used to take care of her when she had the flu. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

 

Christen pushed herself up and grabbed a washcloth from the kitchen drawer where the dish towels are kept and got it wet with cold water before she rung it out. She then folded it in half and walked back to the living room.

 

“This wet washcloth might help to cool down your fever?” Christen suggested, holding it up for Peyton to see. “Can I put it on your forehead and see if it makes you feel a little better?”

 

“Okay.” Peyton murmured, her little shoulders trembling in a shiver under the blanket still.  

 

Christen laid the damp washcloth gently over Peyton’s forehead as the kid shut her eyes and then tried to relax as Christen started to run her fingers through Peyton’s curly hair. Doing anything she could think of the soothe the poor child.

 

She hated seeing her like this.  

 

Tobin was back a moment later with a thermometer, kneeling down next to Christen as she held it out.

 

“Can you put this under your tongue for me, bud?”

 

“Ahhh.” Peyton opened her mouth as wide as it would go and stuck her tongue out dramatically, making both Tobin and Christen laugh softly.

 

“K, close your mouth and wait till it beeps, okay?” Tobin instructed.

 

When the thermometer went off Tobin grabbed it again and read the digits, holding it up for Christen to see too.

 

“101.8°” She murmured.

 

“That’s pretty high.” Christen frowned a little, getting more concerned.

 

“Yeah, we’ll have to keep an eye on it.” Tobin agreed as she capped the thermometer and dropped it to the floor, not wanting to alarm Peyton. “I have some children's Tylenol I’ll grab, that should help a little.”

 

Tobin then picked up the TV remote and turned it on, finding the recording of _Moana_ that they had saved on the DVR before she pressed play on the movie for Peyton to watch and hopefully fall back asleep to.

 

“Be right back, bud.” Tobin hummed as she stood up and went to grab the Tylenol.

 

After Tobin gave Peyton the medicine, it only took the child a few minutes to fall asleep again. She was exhausted from being woken up in the middle of the night and so weak from her fever that she couldn’t do anything but let her eyes close as she laid on the couch, much to Tobin’s relief.

 

“Welcome to parenthood.” Tobin sighed tiredly while Christen slumped over and rested her head on Tobin’s shoulder as they sat with their backs against the couch in front of Peyton.

 

Christen lifted her eyes to look at Tobin above her with a loving smile playing on her lips. “It’s never uneventful, is it?”

 

“No, it’s not.” Tobin smiled a little too before she kissed Christen’s forehead. “Thanks for your help. I’m glad you’re here.”

 

“We make a pretty good team...” Christen hummed as she sat up enough to kiss Tobin’s lips.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin nodded thankfully and kissed her again. “We do.”

 

They sat like that for a couple minutes, watching _Moana_ play quietly on the TV before Christen yawned.

 

“I think I’m gonna go lay down again if you’re okay?” Christen mentioned now that she was sure Peyton was asleep.

 

She had to be up early for a meeting with some buyers at work and it was already almost 3 am by now.

 

“Yeah, of course, go back to bed.” Tobin nodded. “I’m gonna stay out here so I can help when she gets sick again.”

 

“Will you let me know if you need me?” Christen questioned. “I’m serious, don’t hesitate to wake me up.. I’ll keep my clothes on this time.” She winked.

 

That made Tobin laugh and roll her eyes at their little predicament an hour ago. “We’ll be okay. I’ll come in there at six and make sure you’re up for work, though.”

 

“Okay.” Christen leaned forward and kissed Tobin’s lips once more. Softer this time. “I…”

 

She trailed off and just wrapped her arms tightly around Tobin’s midsection instead, burying her face in Tobin’s shoulder for a moment.

 

“Hmm?” Tobin questioned softly, wanting to know what Christen was going to say.

 

“Nothing.” Christen mumbled into Tobin’s t-shirt. “You’re just really wonderful. Even in the middle of the night when we’re awake and cleaning up sickness, I love being here with you guys. It feels like home.”

 

“Good, cause we love having you here. You mean a lot to us.”

 

Tobin ran a hand through Christen’s hair and kissed her head again, enjoying their closeness for another moment before Christen leaned back and stood up.

 

She brought Tobin a pillow from the bedroom before she crawled back into bed, snuggling under Tobin’s comforter and letting the scent from her pillows lull her back to sleep.

 

She didn’t move again until her alarm went off at 5:45.

 

The first thing Christen registered when she was awake was the light from the hallway shining under Tobin’s bedroom door. It was barely visible with the door shut tightly, but she could see it against the pitch black room nonetheless.

 

She figured that was a bad sign, knowing then that Peyton and Tobin had probably been up all night.

 

Christen slid out of bed, wanting to check on them before she got in the shower as she padded out of the bedroom, trying to be quiet in case they were actually asleep with the lights on.

 

She found Peyton on the couch sleeping and was met with Tobin walking out of the hallway, seemingly coming from the bathroom with the ice cream pale freshly washed like it had just been used.

 

“Hey, you’re up.” Tobin whispered when she spotted Christen. “I was just about to come wake you.”

 

“How’s she doing?” Christen murmured, ignoring Tobin’s comment in favor of looking down at Peyton again.

 

“She’s been getting sick about every half hour since you went back to bed.” Tobin sighed. “She’s so exhausted that she falls back asleep almost immediately but yeah, I’ve been up all night taking care of her.”

 

“I’m sorry..” Christen frowned, waiting until Tobin put the pale down before she stepped into her, hugging her tightly. “I can try to move my morning meetings and stay here to help Peyton while you sleep for a few hours if you want?”

 

“Honey…” Tobin murmured as she buried her face in Christen’s neck for a moment. “I would never ask you to do that.. but thank you.”

 

“I know you wouldn’t, that’s why I’m offering..” Christen shrugged as Tobin lifted her eyes again. ”..I just want to take care of you. You do so much for everyone else, and I want you to know that it’s okay to be taken care of sometimes.”

 

“You being here... getting up with me last night and being the first thing I see this morning... that’s more than enough.” Tobin promised. “The rest I don’t want you to worry about.”

 

“Babe, it’s my job to worry about the rest.” Christen countered gently. “And I’m your girlfriend, so you have to let me.”

 

“Fine, but not today.” Tobin smiled tiredly, ending their debate on the subject. Knowing perfectly well that Christen could not skip work today. She’d been preparing for these meetings for two weeks. “Go shower while I make us some coffee.”

 

“Alright, but I’m making us breakfast when I get out.” Christen sighed as she gave in, turning around to head for Tobin’s room to get ready for work.

 

Christen finished getting ready fairly quickly for her standards and then made her way back out to the kitchen, finding Peyton awake and sitting up on the couch with Tobin nowhere in sight.

 

“Hey, sweetie.” Christen smiled lovingly as she moved in front of the child. “Can I get you anything?”

 

Peyton didn’t respond, she just leaned forward into Christen, wrapping her small arms around Christen’s neck tightly and letting her head rest on her shoulder. Christen hugged her back just as quickly before she moved up and turned around to sit on the couch with Peyton in her arms.

 

Tobin came out of the bathroom a minute later, winking at Christen when they locked eyes, loving the way Peyton was snuggled into her.

 

“I was going to make some eggs for breakfast.” Christen hummed as she rubbed Peyton’s back. “Do you want to try and eat a little bit? It might make your stomach feel a little better?”

 

“Okay.” Peyton mumbled into her shoulder.

 

“I’ll make the eggs, Chris.” Tobin insisted. “You just hang out with PJ for a bit before you have to go.”

 

Christen nodded as Tobin walked towards the kitchen.

 

“Are you gonna stay with me today?” Peyton murmured as she lifted her head off of Christen’s shoulder to look her in the eyes. “Toby says I don’t get to go to school because I’m too sick.”

 

She looked so worn out as she said it. Her eyes red and puffy from crying every time she had thrown up and her hair messy against her forehead from her earlier fever sweats.

 

Christen wished so bad she could just hold her all day.

 

“I’ve gotta go to work for a little while, unfortunately.” Christen answered her. “But I’m gonna come back as soon as I can and help Toby take care of you, okay?”

 

Peyton nodded and laid her head back on Christen’s shoulder until Tobin returned with a plate of eggs and some toast several minutes later.

 

Christen ate her share and Peyton got a couple bites down before she was back in the bathroom, throwing it all back up; which made Christen feel even worse for even suggesting it, like she knew how to parent.

 

She let Tobin take over again after that while she cleaned up the kitchen before she slid her heels on, having to get going so she wouldn’t be late.

 

“I gotta run.” Christen sighed as she stepped into the bathroom again. “I hope you feel better, cutie. I’ll see you a little later, okay?”

 

“How long till you come home?” Peyton wondered as she knelt in front of the toilet.

 

“I’m not sure, but hopefully right after lunch.” Christen answered her as she leaned into Tobin a little.

 

Tobin wrapped her arms around Christen’s waist in return, holding her close for a moment.

 

“Do you want me to bring Reese to my house so he doesn’t bother you guys this morning?” Christen wondered in question.

 

“No!” Peyton whined a little in protest before Tobin could answer her, not wanting the dog to leave.

 

“Nah, he’s fine here.” Tobin agreed quickly. “He’s a good distraction.”

 

“Okay.” Christen nodded and reached out to run a hand over Peyton’s hair. “I love you both. I’ll be back soon, okay?”

 

Her eyes went wide once she realized what had just slipped out of her mouth as she stepped out of Tobin’s grasp quickly so she could bend down and hug Peyton. Hoping Tobin hadn’t just caught that.

 

_Why did she just say that?_

 

“Love you too.” Peyton mumbled like it was the most normal thing in the world.

 

“Call me if you need anything.” Christen mentioned then, rushing to change the subject.  

 

She didn’t look up to meet Tobin’s eyes again although she could feel Tobin staring at her as she spun around to walk out of the bathroom.

 

Tobin pushed herself up from leaning against the sink and followed her out of the bathroom slowly.

 

“Chris...” She murmured when they both got into the hallway, asking for Christen’s attention again.

 

“Yeah?” Christen spun around as she took a deep breath, trying not to act too freaked out by what she had just said.

 

“I just wanted to kiss you quick.” Tobin explained as she pulled Christen in by the hips.

 

Christen leaned in and kissed Tobin’s lips before they finally made eye contact.

 

Tobin could sense the hesitancy from her girlfriend right away.  

 

“Hey… it’s okay…” Tobin whispered and shook her head a little as she held Christen’s gaze. “I get it…” Both of them knowing what she meant without having to say it exactly.

 

Christen just nodded in return and forced herself to relax.

 

“Have a good day at work, beautiful.” Tobin hummed then. “You’re gonna knock those sales pitches out of the water, I know it.”

 

“Thank you.” Christen smiled softly. “Please keep me updated on how she’s doing? I’ll bring dinner over after work.”

 

“Okay. Yeah, I’ll let you know.” Tobin nodded and kissed her again.

 

Christen grabbed her purse and her keys from the entryway and pulled the front door open, yawning as she stepped out of the house and headed for her car.

 

The sun was barely even coming up yet as Christen parked in her usual spot at the Kauai Coffee Plantation and made her way inside, switching gears in her mind for her busy day ahead. She had two meetings with trade buyers today who were in town from California this week, both of which needed to go well if she wanted to make her sales goals for the quarter.

 

Christen barely had a second to breathe all morning she was so busy.

 

She was only periodically able to reply to Tobin’s texts whenever she had a moment between meetings; finding out that Tobin had decided to take Peyton to Urgent Care before lunchtime because the kid just wouldn’t stop getting sick.

 

All Christen could do was fake smile through her working lunch with her boss and the two buyers, doing her best to ignore the growing pit on anxiousness in her stomach as she tried to focus on the conversation at hand rather than where she was wishing she was.

 

It was past 3:00 when she was finally excused from the meeting room, having signed contracts with both buyers to be their new coffee bean supplier for the next fiscal year.

 

It was a huge win for her and the first big sales move that she’s made since joining Kauai Coffee Company, and she couldn’t have cared less about it in the moment.

 

The first thing she did when she sat down at her desk again was grab her cell phone from her purse, her heart dropping a little when she read the text that Tobin had sent her a half hour earlier.

 

{Tobin: 2:28 PM} **_Hey… call me when you can. I think they’re going to admit PJ cause she’s super dehydrated._ **

 

Christen was hitting dial on Tobin’s number before she could even totally process what that meant.

 

“Hello?” Tobin answered after the third ring.

 

Christen could notice how frustrated Tobin’s voice sounded as soon as she heard her speak.

 

“Hi..” Christen spoke into her phone. “How’s everything going?”

 

“Not well, at the moment.” Tobin sighed in an off-putting tone. “Are you done with work?”

 

“I can be...” Christen nodded. “What’s wrong? You sound pissed.”

 

“Yeah, you could say that…” Tobin husked out.

 

“Why, what’s going on?” Christen wondered, having no idea what her girlfriend could be so mad about.

 

“This fucking hospital is a joke.” Tobin started, quickly launching into a rant. “They fuck something up every time we come here, I swear... This time they asked me if Peyton was my daughter and I told them no - cause she’s obviously Jessie’s daughter - and now they won’t admit her for care because they don’t have the paperwork on file that proves she’s my dependant and they won’t accept my insurance without the paperwork. Something about state laws and parental authorization, I don’t know… But fuck, every time we come here it’s something like this - like I’m just dropping off some random kid or something, and --”

 

“Tobin.. slow down.” Christen stopped her rambling before she went any farther. “What do we need to do to fix it? How can I help?”

 

Christen wasn’t concerned with the details right now, she just wanted to make sure Peyton was taken care of and she knew Tobin wanted that too.

 

“I need you to go to my house and get the paperwork that shows that I’m Peyton’s guardian so it matches up with my insurance.” Tobin sighed frustratedly. “Please. If you can…”

 

“Yeah, of course, I’m leaving right now.” Christen assured her, trying to be the calming presence that Tobin clearly needed right now. “Where are you at?”

 

“We’re sitting in the waiting room at Mahelona Medical. Peyton needs fluids so they wanna keep her for a few hours and to do that she needs to be admitted, hence the insurance issue... “

 

“Okay.” Christen sighed as she stood up from her desk and grabbed her purse, heading for the parking lot. “I’m on my way.”

 

“Thanks.” Tobin breathed a little. “You can call me back when you get to my house but there is a small safe in my surfing equipment room that has all of our documents in it. All of the legal paperwork that proves my guardianship is in there, we’ll need that. I already have a call in to my insurance company and they're faxing the rest of the info over.”

 

“Alright, I’ll call you back.” Christen agreed. “It’ll be like fifteen minutes probably.”

 

“K...” Tobin swallowed as she ran a hand through her hair, feeling herself starting to relax just the slightest bit from Christen’s reassuring confidence.

 

“How’s Peyton doing?” Christen asked then as she made it to her car.

 

“About the same.” Tobin answered her. “They said it’s just the flu and that it’s been going around at all the schools, but they wanna give her an IV and observe her for a few hours just to be sure. It’s a pretty intense strain, I guess.”

 

“Alright, I’ll hurry and be there as soon as I can.”

 

“Thanks, Chris.” Tobin murmured. “Talk to you in a few.”

 

Christen was able to get the documents that they needed out of the safe at Tobin’s house and after an hour of working with the administration lady at the hospital while keeping Tobin from lashing out a few different times, they got the insurance figured out and Peyton was finally admitted to the hospital, just before dinner time.

 

Tobin fell asleep as soon as Peyton’s IV was done being administered, sitting in a wooden chair with her head resting on her arms as she leaned against Peyton’s hospital bed while Christen sat on the other side and read a book out loud.

 

She hadn’t slept in over 36 hours, except for the two or so hours she and Christen had been in bed the night before when Peyton woke them up to begin with, and the rollercoaster of the day had finally worn Tobin out completely.

 

The last thought that ran through her mind as she let her eyes close was how thankful she was that she had Christen there to keep Peyton company, and how thankful she was that, for once, it felt like they weren’t doing this all by themselves.

 

They had Christen now and that was all that mattered. Even when things were bad or hard or just too much - they had Christen.

 

Tobin couldn’t help but smile an hour and a half later when she woke up again to Peyton’s voice filling the hospital room as she sounded out a word while reading aloud to Christen.

 

They had been keeping each other busy by switching off reading chapters of the copy of _Matilda_ that Christen had gotten Peyton a few weeks ago, passing the time while they spent the evening in the hospital.

 

Peyton had been working on her reading a lot lately and she was getting so good at figuring out each word by herself that she hardly needed any help at all anymore.

 

Tobin was relieved to find out that the IV of fluids seemed to be helping with her sickness as well. The kid hadn’t thrown up in a couple hours now and her fever was back down to normal levels and the doctor was getting ready to sign the discharge papers, confirming that it was just a common strain of the flu and an overnight stay wasn’t necessary.

 

It was well past 10 pm by the time they all got back to Tobin and Peyton’s house and although she was feeling slightly better, Peyton still fell asleep on the drive home, hardly even waking up at all as Tobin carried her to bed for the night.

 

With any luck, one more day off from school was all it was going to take before Peyton was back in action, much to both Tobin and Christen’s relief. They couldn’t stand watching her suffer much longer.

 

After Tobin had Peyton tucked into bed she shut her bedroom door softly and made her way back out to the kitchen, finding Christen scrolling through work emails on her phone as she sat at the kitchen island.

 

“Can we please go to bed.” Tobin yawned exhaustedly, wrapping her arms around Christen’s shoulders from behind and leaning against her back for support.

 

“I wasn’t sure that I was going to stay…” Christen whispered as she set her phone down on the countertop. “I’ve still gotta do some work tonight since I left the office early. I’ve gotta submit the orders for those signed proposals I got today.”

 

“Please don’t leave.” Tobin begged and buried her face into Christen’s shoulder. “Not tonight…”

 

Christen sighed, knowing she did have her laptop with her and could get her stuff done at Tobin’s house if she needed to.

 

“I guess I can do it here before I come to bed.” She compromised, spinning around in her stool to face Tobin.

 

“Would you please? Sorry to be so clingy but I feel like I just really need you tonight.” Tobin admitted honestly. “It’s been a long day.”

 

“Yeah, okay.” Christen nodded quietly, even though it’d been just as long of a day for her. “Go to bed and I’ll crawl in when I’m done.”  

 

“Thank you, babe.” Tobin sighed in relief. “For everything today. You don’t know how much it means to have your help with all of this. I really appreciate you being here.”

 

“Of course, honey..” Christen murmured. “I told you... I’ll be here to help as long as you’ll have me.”

 

Tobin kissed Christen slowly for a minute and then she let Reese outside to pee before she and the pup got ready for bed and went to sleep, while Christen pulled her work materials out of her bag and sat at the kitchen island for another hour, entering the orders and answering a few urgent emails before she could call it a night.

 

Tobin didn’t move a muscle when Christen finally crawled into bed just before midnight. Tobin wouldn’t have known the difference if she was there or not, but still, it made Christen happy to be needed.

 

She kissed Tobin’s forehead before she snuggled into her for the night, letting Tobin’s steady breathing lull her to sleep in no time at all.

 

Christen was the first one awake the next morning, too.

 

The early morning sunlight was shining perfectly through the small window above Tobin’s bed, right into her eyes. It was the only thing that had caused her to stir, with the house still impeccably quiet; so unlike how the mornings usually went around here. There was no loud laughter or barking dog or music playing from the kitchen as breakfast was being made. There was nothing but silence.

 

It almost scared Christen, how quiet it was, when she glanced at the clock on the nightstand and realized it was just after 7 am. But then she lifted her head and noticed Tobin’s arm draped around her waist, with Reese lying patiently at the end of the bed.

 

Everyone must have just been too worn out from the day before for an early wake-up today.

 

As soon as Reese noticed that Christen was awake, he hopped down from the bed and walked to the door, asking to be let out for the morning. Looking more than a little relieved that he didn’t have to be patient any longer.

 

Christen smiled at him and slipped out from under Tobin’s arm and made her way out of the room behind the dog, pausing before she closed the door softly again to make sure she didn’t wake her girlfriend up.

 

She let Reese out of the front door so he could sniff around in the yard for a few minutes as Christen made her way down the hall towards Peyton’s bedroom, wanting to check on her, too.

 

She wasn’t even sure Peyton had ever slept past 7 am before, since she’d never seen it with her own eyes, and she needed to make sure the kid was okay.

 

Sure enough, Peyton was still sound asleep too.

 

Her head was the only thing poking out of her covers as she slept soundly on her bottom bunk bed, snoring softly with a teddy bear wrapped tightly in her arms.

 

Christen stood there for a moment and just watched her sleep, smiling at how innocent and peaceful she looked. Thankful that her sickness from the previous day seemed to be gone and that she was resting enough now to fully recover.

 

After Christen slipped back out of Peyton’s room and let Reese back in the house she started a pot of coffee and sat down at the kitchen island, busying herself while she waited for them to wake up.

 

She hadn’t planned on going to the office until later this morning anyway, having worked until midnight the night before, and she just wanted to be there to cook Tobin and Peyton breakfast and make sure their day started better than it had yesterday.

 

Christen spent a half hour working on her laptop before she heard a bedroom door open, smiling softly as a sleepy Tobin made her way into the kitchen.

 

“Morning, baby.” Tobin whispered when she saw Christen sitting at the island.

 

“Hi, you.” Christen returned just as softly. “Look at you, sleepyhead.”

 

They both smiled at each other as Christen stood up from her stool and moved to hug Tobin.

 

“I was a sleepyhead this morning.” Tobin murmured in response as she wrapped her arms around Christen’s waist. “I’m glad you’re still here though. I figured you woulda been gone to work by now.”

 

“Nah.” Christen shook her head. “I wanted to be here this morning.”

 

They stood there holding each other for a moment longer until Christen pulled away.

 

“Coffee?” She questioned as she walked around to the other side of the kitchen, navigating the place like she owned it by now.

 

“Please.” Tobin nodded and sat down next to where Christen had been sitting. “PJ is still sleeping?” She wondered in surprise.

 

“Yeah, I was shocked too when I got up.” Christen answered her. “I looked into her room and she’s still out. I bet she’s just exhausted from yesterday.”

 

“Yeah, I’m sure she is.” Tobin hummed and took the mug of coffee out of Christen’s hands that was being handed over.

 

They both settled into a comfortable silence as they sat at the island, Christen typing away on her laptop while Tobin scrolled through her phone for a few minutes, sending an email to the school to excuse Peyton for a second day because she was still sick.

 

When she was done with that, Tobin stood up and grabbed the insurance paperwork that they’d brought home from the hospital the night before. She had left it lying on the counter when they walked in the house last night and it had been sitting there untouched ever since.

 

_“This mess…_ ” Tobin sighed to herself as she started to thumb through it, sorting out the copay bill and hospital documents from the stuff that Christen had grabbed out of the safe on her way to the hospital.

 

Christen stopped working and turned in her stool to face Tobin, gauging her mood for a moment before she started to speak.

 

The green-eyed woman had been thinking a lot about the previous day and Tobin’s general reaction to everything and Christen wanted to talk to her about a few things because of it.

 

“You seemed pretty upset about all of this yesterday…” Christen started hesitantly, pointing to the documents in Tobin’s hands to signal what she meant. “Has this insurance issue happened a bunch of times or something?”

 

“A few.” Tobin murmured almost as if she was still annoyed by the whole situation as she flipped a page over to read the back of it, not looking up at Christen as she did.

 

Christen nodded to herself and then took a deep breath.

 

“Can I ask you a question?”

 

There was something she had been thinking about for a while now.

 

“Yeah...” Tobin replied as she dropped the piece of paper in her hands to the countertop and looked over at her girlfriend.

 

Christen paused momentarily before she went for it.

 

“Have you ever considered adopting Peyton?”

 

Tobin looked at her like she was puzzled for a moment before she responded.

 

“No.” Tobin answered her slowly, dropping her eyes back to the counter as she grabbed another document.

 

“You’ve never thought about it?” Christen asked a second time, a little surprised by Tobin’s answer.

 

“No, Chris.” Tobin sighed exasperatedly. “I haven’t.”

 

“...Okay.” Christen whispered. “Can I ask why?”

 

“Because Jessie is Peyton’s mom.” Tobin practically snapped at her. “She doesn’t need another mom. I’m Toby, not mom.”

 

“I know that.” Christen defended herself, feeling like Tobin was getting mad at her now. “I was just curious…”

 

“Well, now you know…” Tobin shrugged like she just wanted to drop the subject altogether.

 

Christen nodded to herself and turned back to her work for a moment, but she just couldn’t let it go yet. It didn’t make any sense to her.

 

“I just feel like maybe if you adopted her, you wouldn’t run into these issues all the time, like insurance and school information and stuff….” She tried to explain her point gently. “It’s not like it would change your relationship at all and --”

 

Tobin cut her off before she could explain her point any further.

 

“These aren’t my issues... their the hospital’s and insurance company's and school’s issues. They’re the ones who fuck it up all the time. I have everything I need to prove that I am her guardian...”

 

She was worked up again out of nowhere. The same way she got every time anyone mentioned her being Peyton’s parental figure.

 

“Why does talking about this make you so mad?” Christen questioned before she could stop herself. “Don’t you think it would at least help Peyton feel like she had a family?”

 

“Just stay out of it, Christen!” Tobin yelled as she pushed herself back from the island and stood up again.

 

Christen went silent and took a breath, focusing on her computer screen again as Tobin walked to the sink and dumped her coffee down it.

 

Neither of them said anything for a moment as Tobin gripped the granite countertop with both hands, trying to calm herself down again. Her head bowed low and her knuckles white from how hard she was holding on.

 

Christen was thrown by Tobin’s reaction and she wanted to be mad at her. She could feel the lump of emotions forming in her throat from being yelled at and she wanted to pack up all of her things and storm out of the room to show Tobin how much it hurt to be talked to like that.

 

But she also knew she couldn’t.

 

This was bigger than them and bigger than right now in this moment. And Christen knew she owed it to Tobin to step back and try to understand the whole situation. This wasn’t Christen’s choice to make.

 

So instead of leaving, Christen took another deep breath and stood up from her stool, slowly making her way around the island to where Tobin was leaning against the sink.

 

She wrapped her arms around Tobin’s waist from behind and buried her face in the back of Tobin’s neck and just held her. Both of them standing there quietly for what felt like an eternity as Christen just tried to hold her girlfriend together.

 

“I’m Toby…” Tobin finally whispered as she reached up and wiped a tear from her cheek that Christen hadn’t noticed had fallen. “I can’t replace Jessie. Peyton needs to remember her mom. I would never forgive myself if I let her forget...”

 

“I know, honey.” Christen whispered softly as she placed a kiss to Tobin’s skin.

 

There was another minute of silence between them until Tobin was able to say more.

 

“You know it’s kinda funny..” She finally cleared her throat a little to speak. “I’ve always been Toby... All of our other friends.. Kelley and Alex and Mana.. they were always Auntie to PJ, even from the moment she could talk - Auntie Kelley, Auntie Mana - like something separate and a little more distant - but I was never Auntie Tobin….”

 

“How come?” Christen wondered softly, just wanting to keep Tobin talking. Hoping it would help her if she did.

 

“I don’t know..” Tobin shrugged gently. “Jessie was gone a lot when Peyton was little. She didn’t have a ton of money so she worked a lot to be able to afford to raise a kid and so it was me and PJ home alone together most of the time. At least it felt that way back then… and Peyton and I, we always just felt so close to each other. Most days now I wish she woulda stayed that small forever.”

 

Christen was running her hands gently across Tobin’s stomach, trying to soothe her as she continued.

 

“I would take her places and a lot of the time people would mistake her for my daughter because they didn’t know any better. And sometimes Peyton would get confused, especially when she first started talking, and she would call me Mama.”

 

Tobin smiled a little as she recalled her memories from back then, turning around in Christen’s arms so they could look at each other before she continued.

 

“Jessie would get so mad when that happened…” Tobin hummed, wiping away another tear. “And, I don’t know, I just don’t want Jessie to be mad at me anymore... I want her to be proud of me and the way I’m raising her daughter… So I’m Toby, and that’s just the way it is...”

 

“You’re doing an amazing job. Don’t ever question that.” Christen grabbed Tobin’s face with both hands on her cheeks, using her thumb to wipe a tear away and looking her right in the eyes to convey her seriousness. “Jessie is so proud of you. I know it.”

 

Tobin leaned in and rested her forehead against Christen’s, just needing to be close to her.

 

“I’m sorry that I yelled at you.” Tobin whispered, feeling terrible about her reaction. The way she usually did in these situations. “I don’t mean to take my frustrations out on you. It kinda just happens... I don’t really know why.”

 

“It’s okay.” Christen shook her head and pulled back enough to look into Tobin’s eyes. “and I didn’t mean to overstep...”

 

“I know...” Tobin nodded.

 

“But I do have one more thing to ask you.” Christen sighed again. “And I am fully aware that you might get mad at me again for it, but I am okay with that because I just want what’s best for you.”

 

“What is it, Chris?” Tobin questioned, not wanting to skirt around it.

 

“Have you ever considered seeing someone to talk about everything that happened?” Christen asked almost sheepishly. “Like, maybe a therapist?”

 

Tobin let her head fall back as she let out a long breath, clearly not pleased with Christen’s question but trying to be relaxed about her answer.

 

“No, I guess I haven’t.” She finally answered as she looked at Christen in front of her again. “I just… that seems so… dramatic.”

 

“What do you mean?” Christen wondered.

 

“Who even goes to therapy? Isn't that just some, like, movie thing?” Tobin shrugged, unable to articulate her thoughts on the subject properly.

 

It seemed for foreign to her. She couldn’t name one person in her life that she’d known who had ever been to therapy.

 

“Literally everyone in California goes to therapy.” Christen answered her easily and without judgment. “It’s so normal and it helps a lot of people, babe.”

 

“Why though…” Tobin sighed. “Why do I need that?”

 

“I’m not saying you do, it’s just one idea.. but you don’t talk about anything involving the accident or being a single parent at all, and that’s not healthy, honey... And then you freak out and get so mad every time it’s brought up…”

 

Christen paused, trying to reign in her criticism a bit so she didn’t upset Tobin again.

 

“You’re the happiest person I know, Tobs, and then when Jessie is mentioned, you turn into the exact opposite of that. It worries me and I just want you to be as happy and healthy as you can be.”

 

Tobin sighed and ran a hand through her hair, determined not to just say yes to something she was uncomfortable with because Christen was suggesting it.

 

“I don’t know, Chris...”

 

“You don’t have to decide now, it was just a suggestion.” Christen hummed, running her hands down Tobin’s arms to hold her hands. “Talk to a stranger, or talk to me, or find another way to get those emotions out, if you think you want to. You might just surprise yourself with how much it helps.”

 

“I’ll think about it…” Tobin nodded and looked down at the ground, almost as if she was embarrassed.

 

“Okay. No pressure.” Christen promised. “I will support whatever you decide, and when things like yesterday happen, we’ll work through them together.”

 

Tobin nodded and pulled Christen in for a hug. “Just please be patient with me, okay? I’m trying and I’m sorry...”

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Christen murmured. “And of course I will be patient. One day at a time, remember?”

 

“Yeah, one day at a time.” Tobin whispered in agreement, remember the pact they made. “You’re too good for me, baby.”

 

Christen smiled at Tobin and leaned in a little. “I am not.” She shook her head surely, knowing the best thing about their relationship was how even and imperfect they both were together.

 

Tobin closed the remaining space between them and kissed Christen sweetly before they both heard Peyton’s bedroom door open, separating again so they could see how their favorite eight-year-old was feeling.

 

Peyton came out of the hallway as she rubbed both fists against her eyes, looking more innocent and fragile than Tobin had remembered. Maybe it was the events of the past 24 hours or so, but for some reason it just made Tobin want to fight for her that much harder. Against any bad thing that could ever hurt her.

 

“Morning, cutie.” Christen grinned softly.

 

“Hello.” Peyton hummed, not breaking her path towards Tobin.

 

Tobin knelt down as Peyton reached her, wrapping her arms around Tobin’s shoulders in a big hug, just like she used to do when she was a toddler. Tobin scooped her up and held her close, letting Peyton lay her head on her shoulder, still waking up from her night of sleep.

 

“I love you.” Tobin whispered just for Peyton to hear, feeling the child’s arms tighten just a little more around her neck as she said it.

 

“I love you too.” Peyton whispered back. Almost like she understood just as much as Tobin did that it was just for them.

 

It was a short and fleeting moment but it made Tobin’s throat tighten all the same. Knowing these moments were only going to get fewer and farther in between.

 

And just like that, it was gone, as Peyton lifted her head from Tobin’s shoulder and looked over at Christen with a more awake smile.

 

“Wanna watch cartoons with me?”

  
  
  
  



	19. Never Be The Same.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's you, babe  
> And I'm a sucker for the way that you move, babe  
> And I could try to run, but it would be useless  
> You're to blame  
> Just one hit, and you will know I'll never be the same
> 
>  
> 
> .

 

**_“Welcome back folks, I’m Martin Potter here along with Ross Williams, coming to you live from beautiful Ko Olina Beach on the island of Oahu for the final day of the Disney World Surfing Championships as part of the World Surf League Women’s Championship Tour.”_ **

 

Christen was focused on the commentary coming from the white tent next to where she and Peyton were positioned at the edge of the sand, listening to what the two men had to say as they spoke into their microphones, clearly calling the competition for where ever it was being broadcast on TV. There were several cameras in high perched stands at both ends of the beach, bookending the large audience that was gathered to watch the pro surfers compete.

 

There was also a large podium farther back on the sand, where the judges were gathered to score the event, which also would be used to announce the winners as soon as they were crowned.

 

**_“Next up on her final run of the competition will be Tobin Heath, who has arguably been the best Women’s surfer in the world over the last twelve months. She’s local to these parts being that she lives and trains over on Kauai - and I tell you what, Ross, she has been so dominate lately, having won the last three Women’s events in all WSL competitions - not to mention she’s now the brand new face of Nike surfing, so this chick is really making a name for herself on the worldwide circuit.”_ **

 

Christen didn’t want to make herself too obvious, trying to keep her eyes on the water but listening all the same as they unknowingly praised her girlfriend.

 

She couldn’t help but smile at all the hype.

 

**_“Yeah, Marty, I can’t wait to see what Tobin has in store for us on her last run of the day. She’s currently sitting in second on the leaderboard and will need an 8.38 or better to pull ahead of Australia's Tyler Wright into first place. It’s a tall task, but you know what? I think she has what it takes.”_ **

 

Peyton was standing next to where Christen was sitting in the sand, scanning the water very intently as she tried to locate Tobin in the crowded sea of surfers and lifeguards and jet skis that were a hundred yards out in the waves.

 

She had a tight grip on Christen’s shoulder as she pointed out into the water from where they were watching from the beach, spotting Tobin’s figure as the brunette paddled into the marked-off competition area after another moment of looking.

 

“There she is!” Peyton mentioned quickly, letting go of Christen and jumping up and down while she clapped as loudly as she could. “Go Toby go!”

 

Christen smiled up at Peyton and her excitement while clapping as well before she stood up to get a better view, knowing Tobin was about to catch her last wave of the competition and not wanting to miss any of it.

 

They watched as Tobin lined her board up to face the shore and then chatted with one of the emergency rescue workers that was sitting on a jet ski next to her, both of them laughing together at something that Tobin had said.

 

She seemed so relaxed for what she was about to do and it made Christen smile again and let out a breath, trying to keep her nerves at bay because of how anxious she was for her girlfriend.

 

She wanted her to win so badly.

 

“I hope Toby does the Superman!” Peyton exclaimed with a big smile as she looked up at Christen who was now standing next to her.

 

Christen laughed and shook her head. “I have no idea what that is, kiddo. But it sounds scary.”

 

“It’s where you go _really, really_ high and then you pretend you’re Superman and your board goes _way_ out in front of you like you’re flying and then you hafta put your board back down so you can come down onto the wave again!” Peyton explained it like it should have been obvious to Christen. “Toby says it’s  _really_ hard!”

 

Tobin had only landed the Superman once before, a one-off trick she had been trying from time to time when she was done training for the day, mostly as a way to entertain Peyton when she was there watching, so there was no way she’d use it in a competition, but Peyton couldn’t help but wish for it anyway.

 

The child’s voice was getting louder and more excited as she talked, making Christen thankful for the distraction from her nerves as she laughed along and wrapped her arm around Peyton’s shoulder to pull her close.

 

Peyton had been like this all day, bouncing off the walls in excitement.

 

She’d been telling anyone who would listen that she was Toby’s kid. People in the hotel lobby, and in the elevator, and the passerby’s they saw on the walk over to the beach before the competition started.

 

Christen would just laugh at her and smile at all the people giving encouraging responses to Peyton in return, even if they had no idea who  _Toby_ was.

 

It was her first time ever getting to see Tobin compete on the World Surf Tour and she had been soaking up every minute of the experience since she and Christen had arrived the night before, after taking the thirty-five-minute flight over to Oahu from Kauai.

 

Christen had been on Peyton duty alone for most of the week, the two of them spending the last four days at home so Peyton could go to school and Christen could finish her work week before they joined Tobin in Honolulu, who had been there preparing all week.

 

It had gone really well, the two of them together without Tobin, and it made Christen even more appreciative that she had Peyton in her life now.

 

There was just something so enjoyable to Christen about picking her up from school and seeing the unabashed excitement radiate out of the child as they drove home and talked about their days, or did homework and made dinner together before relaxing on the couch and FaceTiming Tobin to ramble some more.

 

But as much fun as they’d had together, it was still noticeable how much they both felt Tobin’s absence. She was without a doubt the piece of their puzzle that was missing, and they couldn’t wait to get over to Oahu to cheer her on for the weekend, before spending an few extra days of vacation at the Aulani Disney Resort where the competition was being held.

 

Now that they were here, everything just felt a little better and more complete.

 

Except for Christen’s nerves, which were much more apparent than she had been expecting as she watched her girlfriend get ready for her final drop-in.

 

The loud blowhorn sounded across the beach, giving Tobin the go-ahead signal whenever she was ready, starting the five-minute time frame she had to select one last wave to try and increase her current score on the leaderboard.

 

Tobin was calm and collected in the water, letting several big waves pass her by as she bobbed on her board and waited for the perfect one, knowing well enough that selecting the right wave was crucial to having a good run.

 

After about three minutes of waiting, and Peyton yelling “ _Go!_ ” every time she saw Tobin skip a big wave, Tobin finally found one she deemed perfect, lying down on her board quickly and paddling along with it until the hit its crest and she could stand up.

 

“She got one!” Peyton noticed, jumping up and down again as she cheered. “Come on, Toby!”

 

“Come on, babe.” Christen whispered to herself too as soon as she saw Tobin start to move, clasping her hands together anxiously.

 

She had no idea what was good or bad in this so she focused her eyes on Tobin and her ears on the commentators again, trying to listen to what they had to say over the lively crowd noise.

 

**_“And here goes Tobin Heath as she drops in on what looks like one of the biggest waves we've seen in these finals…”_ **

 

Christen felt like time was moving in slow motion around her as her brain started to process what the commentators were saying.

 

**_“Oh, beautiful opening turn with that big spray as she hits off the lip. She’s got really fluid motion on her board here as she looks for some cover in the barrel of the wave.”_ **

 

If the crowd cheers were anything to base it on, Tobin’s first move must have been good.

 

**_“She exits the barrel and hits another beautiful roundhouse cutback which will score well with the judges, holding on nicely with a lot of power for one final drop off the lip, and, oh wow, look at her hit that Snap maneuver, sending a spectacular spray above her body as she puts her head down now and rides out of the wave and dunks under the water with a big smile on her face. She knows she just nailed that run, Marty.”_ **

 

The run lasted maybe ten seconds in total, but it felt like a solid five minutes to Christen.

 

**_“Did she ever! That should score very well into the high 8’s or maybe even 9’s, Ross. What a fantastic finish we’ve just seen.”_ **

 

“That was so cool!” Peyton shouted again as she launched herself at Christen, pulling the dark-haired woman out of her zone out and hanging onto her shoulders tightly in excitement.

 

Christen held Peyton up for a moment before the kid landed on her feet again as they turned to try and find where Tobin had ended up, both of them clapping loudly and cheering along with the rest of the crowd.

 

Tobin was standing up and pulling her board behind herself as she waded into knee-deep water as the judges were totaling her score, walking towards where her competitor, Tyler Wright, was also standing in the shallow water. They gave her each a big congratulations, locking hands and pulling each other into a half hug with smiles on their faces as they laughed together and waited for the winner to be announced.

 

“Do you think she won?!” Peyton asked eagerly as she looked up at Christen for reassurance, giving Christen more credit than she deserved for knowing what was going on.

 

“I hope so!” Christen smiled and pulled Peyton into herself again, standing behind her with her arms draped over Peyton’s shoulders in front of her. “It looked really good to me! What do you think?”

 

“I think she did so awesome!” Peyton answered her excitedly.

 

A few loud chants of Tobin’s name broke out from the other end of the beach as the rowdy crowd cheered on their local girl before the scores flashed up on the leaderboard on the podium.

 

A _9.14_ registered in the number one spot on the digital board before Tobin’s name appeared next to it, sending the crowd into even more of a ruckus.

 

Peyton’s eyes lit up as she realized that Tobin had moved into first place as she threw her hands up in the air happily.

 

“She won!!’ The kid shouted, jumping up and down wildly again. “My Toby won!!!”

 

Tobin was walking out of the water surrounded by cameras, and fans, and a few reporters trying to take her picture and ask her questions or congratulate her on her just-announced fourth win in a row, as Christen and Peyton high-fived each other and then hugged again, laughing happily at how exciting it was.

 

And then before Christen could even realize it, Peyton took off running down the sand towards where Tobin was.

 

“Peyton, wait!” Christen shouted nervously, not wanting the kid to get lost or pushed around with how many people there were trying to get close to Tobin, but it was already too late to stop her.

 

Peyton ducked into the throngs of people and moved towards Tobin, elbowing her way closer and closer through the massive circus until she spotted Tobin in front of her.

 

“Toby!” She yelled as she popped up behind the brunette, trying to get her attention.

 

She was jumping up and down and shouting loudly but Tobin couldn’t hear her over the commotion of everything that was happening around her.

 

“Toby!! I’m right here!” Peyton yelled again, waving her hand above her head.

 

A guy with a camera tried to step in front of Peyton but she gave his thigh a swift elbow and moved around him, finally reaching Tobin and yanking on the back of her wetsuit.

 

Tobin turned around at the tug and looked down to finally spot Peyton in return, ignoring everything around her immediately as a big smile spread across her face.

 

Everyone else was still trying to crowd the new champion, closing in on Tobin faster and faster.

 

“Guys, watch out.” Tobin waved them off sternly, reaching out for Peyton and pulling her in before she could get lost in the masses again.

 

“Toby!!” Peyton grinned victoriously as she stepped through the last few people and into Tobin’s arms.

 

“Hey, buddy.” Tobin smiled as she bent down to scoop Peyton up, holding the kid in her arms quickly and giving her a big hug.

 

Peyton latched onto her with a giant smile herself, quickly becoming the center of attention as the photographers and cameramen took photos of the pair. She held on tight with her arms around Tobin’s neck, not bothered in the slightest that Tobin’s wetsuit was making her clothes soaking wet.

 

She was just happy to be with her favorite person as they basked in the glory of a win.

 

“You’re the best surfer ever!” Peyton spoke loudly in Tobin’s ear as they hugged.

 

“Thanks, PJ.” Tobin laughed easily.

 

She eventually set Peyton down again and couldn’t help but glance around, hoping that Christen was close by too. She wanted to celebrate with both of them.

 

“Where’s Christen at, bud?” Tobin asked as she bent down to be eye level with the kid again.

 

“She’s over there.” Peyton pointed to where she had come from. “By all our stuff.”

 

Tobin looked to where Peyton was pointing but couldn’t see her girlfriend anywhere, getting interrupted by the MC of the event as she was requested to approach the podium. She still had to address the crowd and do a TV interview after her win.

 

“Can you run back over to her for me?” Tobin asked then. “I’ve gotta go talk to a couple people and get the trophy up on the stage and I don’t want you to get lost by yourself over here.”

 

“And then I can see the trophy?” Peyton wondered, knowing she couldn’t wait to hold it herself. It was really the only thing she was concerned with at the moment.

 

“Yep, I’ll bring it over when I’m done.” Tobin nodded with another laugh. “Then we will all go celebrate together.”

 

“Alright.” Peyton nodded like she was diligently listening to Tobin’s instructions.

 

Tobin stood up straight again and finally spotted Christen from where she was waiting down the beach, giving her girlfriend a wave and a smile before pointing her out to Peyton and telling the kid once more to run back to her. Christen gave Tobin a thumbs up and a sweet smile in return, waiting in her place as Peyton made her way back towards Christen.

 

“Toby is going to get the trophy and then she is gonna bring it to us.” Peyton explained once they were next to each other again. “Then she said I could hold it!”

 

“That sounds fun!” Christen grinned, just relieved that Peyton wasn’t in the crowd of people anymore.

 

They watched Tobin accept her trophy and speak to the crowd as she stood up on the podium next to the MC and Christen couldn’t help but think back to the first time she ever saw Tobin in person. That day on the beach when she won in Kauai; when Christen didn’t know her yet but still couldn’t look away.

 

She remembered being struck at how charming and charismatic Tobin was then and it made her smile to think about everything they’d been through since.

 

_Who would have guessed that hot surfer chick would turn out to be the one to heal Christen?_

 

Tobin was hers now and it wasn’t lost on Christen how much better she was because of it. _Everything_ was better now.

 

She couldn’t wait to kiss her and to celebrate her big win.

 

It took almost a half hour for Tobin to wrap everything up, as she changed out of her wetsuit into a Nike tank and shorts before she gave a couple interviews and posed for pictures with her trophy and signed some autographs as the beach slowly cleared out, before she finally made her way over to where Christen and Peyton were patiently waiting.

 

“Congrats, honey!” Christen hummed with a big grin as Tobin got close to them. “You were so good!”

 

“Thanks, babe.” Tobin beamed right back at her.

 

She didn’t waste any time handing the trophy off to Peyton before she pulled Christen in for a slow kiss.

 

Kissing her was all Tobin had wanted to do since the moment she got out of the water.

 

Christen gave Tobin’s hip a loving squeeze and then pulled back first. “I’m really proud of you.” She whispered happily.

 

“Thank you.” Tobin smiled and kissed her temple once more. “I’m so glad you and Peyton are here. It means so much to me.”

 

“We love being here. It’s amazing to watch you.” Christen promised as they stepped back from each other.

 

“This is pretty heavy!” Peyton husked out as she struggled slightly with the trophy, sticking her tongue out of her mouth for the extra strength it’d give her. She set it down in the sand and knelt down next to it instead of holding it up so she could admire it properly.

 

The silver trophy had a Disney logo inscribed on it, since they were sponsoring and hosting the event, with the words _‘Disney World Surfing Championship 2018 - 1st Place’_ etched in below.

 

“It’s so shiny! I really like it.” Peyton commented as she ran her little hand over it a few times.

 

“It is pretty cool, huh?” Tobin wondered as she squatted down next to Peyton too.

 

“Yeah!” Peyton nodded. “Can we put it in my room when we get home?”

 

Tobin was running out of space on her small trophy shelf in her surfing equipment room the way it was and she really couldn't care less about where they went.

 

“Yeah, dude.” Tobin smiled. “That’s cool with me.”

 

“Yes!” Peyton pumped her arm in excitement before she stood up and hugged Tobin again.

 

Tobin hugged her back and felt so damn proud in that moment, once again loving that Peyton was there today. She hadn’t realized how much she’d been missing out on not having the kid there before, but now she felt like she never wanted her or Christen to ever miss another competition.

 

Embracing the two people she loved most right after a win was making it all the more special for Tobin.

 

“What do you say we go get some dinner and celebrate?” Tobin suggested then as she stood up and looked over at Christen.

 

“That sounds great, I’m up for whatever.” Christen nodded with another big smile.

 

Tobin reached out and linked a few fingers with Christen’s and pulled her in again, giving her one more quick kiss.

 

“PJ, you ready?” Tobin asked when she stepped back from Christen a second time.

 

“Yeah, I’m getting pretty hungry.” Peyton nodded as she stood up and brushed the sand off her shorts. “Are we gonna bring the trophy to dinner? Can it sit by me?”

 

“We’ll probably leave it in the hotel.” Tobin answered her with a chuckle. “I’ve gotta go sign the score sheet and grab my boards, then I’d like us to run up to the room so I can shower quickly before we go eat.”

 

The best thing about the competition being sponsored by Disney was that they were staying right at Aulani resort so that they could just walk back to the suite they rented on the property when they were done at the beach, and to all the restaurants and pools whenever they wanted as well.

 

It was much easier than renting a car and having to deal with getting from place to place while they were on Oahu, plus Peyton was loving how everything was Disney themed. It was the perfect vacation for her mid-winter break at school.  

 

“Can we eat at the outside restaurant?” Peyton requested. “Me and Christen saw Goofy there when we got out of the elevator. Maybe he’s still there!”

 

“Yeah, we can go wherever you want.” Tobin nodded.

 

Christen and Peyton packed up their things while Tobin finished up with all of the WSL official business she needed to complete before they made their way up to the hotel suite so Tobin could shower and they could all get ready for dinner.

 

Tobin had reserved them an Oceanview suite for the long weekend, complete with a queen size bed and couch in the main room for Peyton, along with a separate bedroom for her and Christen to use. There was also a balcony that spanned across the whole suite with double glass door entrances in both rooms, giving them the most amazing views of the whole resort and the ocean just in the distance.

 

It was the perfect set-up for them to all be together but also for Tobin and Christen to have a little space of their own, once Peyton went to bed at night.

 

Plus, Peyton thought that having her own room in a hotel was the coolest thing ever, especially since she could watch as many Disney cartoons as she wanted to before bed.

 

Tobin showered while Peyton changed into a flowy sundress that she and Christen had picked out to bring from home and then Christen braided her hair so she could look like a princess for dinner, just in case they saw any real-life princesses walking around.

 

Peyton didn’t want to be unprepared.

 

When Tobin was done getting ready she found Christen and Peyton sitting on the balcony, watching the sunset together as they waited for her to head to dinner.

 

“Wow, look how beautiful you look!” Tobin smiled at Peyton as soon as she pulled the sliding glass door open and stepped out onto the balcony herself. “You’re the most beautiful princess I’ve ever seen, Peyton Jo.”

 

Tobin knew how much Peyton loved hearing that, so she was laying it on thick.

 

Peyton stood up from the chair she was sitting in and did a cute twirl so her dress spun around herself while Tobin gave Christen a smile, silently thanking her for helping Peyton get ready.

 

“Are we finally ready to go?” Tobin wondered to both of them.

 

“Ready!” Peyton nodded as she snuck past Tobin and into the hotel room. “I’m starving now!”

 

“Thanks, babe.” Tobin hummed to Christen. “You’ve been amazing with her this week. I owe you so much.”

 

“No you don’t.” Christen shrugged as she stood up and walked towards Tobin in the doorway too. “I’m just happy to be here with you guys.”

 

She kissed Tobin’s lips quickly and then stepped into the hotel room too as Tobin slid the glass door shut again and followed them out into the hallway and towards the elevator bank.

 

Tobin had called down for a reservation at the ‘Ama’Ama beachside restaurant before she had gotten in the shower so they didn’t have to wait at all before they were led across the outdoor patio to their table along the back wall of the restaurant.

 

There was a three person Hawaiian band playing just a few feet away as Peyton slid in between Christen and Tobin in their rounded corner booth and they watched the performance for a few minutes until the waitress came by to take their drink orders.

 

About halfway through dinner, princess _Moana_ made an appearance as she wandered through the restaurant to say hi to all the guests, and just like that, Peyton’s night was made.

 

Seeing her favorite Disney character in person rendered her speechless for a few minutes until Tobin slid out of the booth and held Peyton’s hand as they went to say hi.

 

The kid gave Moana a big hug and then Tobin took their picture before Peyton went running back to their table with a giant smile on her face.

 

“Christen! Did you see me?” Peyton wondered excitedly as she climbed into the booth again to finish her food. “Moana said I look just like a princess too!”

 

“I did see you.” Christen nodded with a laugh at her excitement. “You both look very pretty and your dresses match perfectly.”

 

Tobin grinned as she sat back down too, holding her phone out to show Peyton and Christen the picture before she pocketed her phone again so they could all finish eating.

 

Just as their dessert was about to be delivered, Tobin heard her name being called from behind her.

 

 _“Tobin Heath..”_ A guy’s voice drawled out slowly as all three of them turned their attention to see who was approaching.

 

Tobin gave the guy a head nod as he walked up. “Julian, hey man.”

 

He was clearly a surfer as well, with wavy dark brown hair and extra tanned skin showing under his tank top, with an Australian accent to go along with his look.  

 

“I heard you were sitting out here so I had to come see for myself if the rumors were true.” Julian smiled at them all like he was up to something.

 

Most of the surfers from the competition were staying at the Disney resort too, so Tobin wasn’t surprised to be running into any of them.

 

“What do you mean?” Tobin gazed confusedly at her friend.

 

“Word on the street is that Tobin Heath brought her wife and kid to the competition.” Julian laughed like he had just said something hilarious. “Looks like they weren’t lying...”

 

“Ohh.” Tobin nodded and turned to her right to look at Peyton and Christen. “Yeah, this is my girlfriend, Christen, and this little one is Peyton.” Tobin introduced them both to Julian quickly.

 

“Hi.” Christen smiled kindly at Tobin's introduction.

 

Peyton didn’t say anything, she just looked him over skeptically.

 

“Hey, nice to meet you.” Julian nodded at them both before he focused on Tobin again. “I’m not gonna lie dude, I never thought I’d see the day...”

 

“Yeah, well, I guess, now you have.” Tobin shrugged like she was a little annoyed at his teasing. “I figured it’d be a good time to have them come since we’re staying a few extra days while Peyton has a break from school next week.”

 

“Right on.” Julian nodded. “Anyway, a bunch of us are getting together over at the pool bar here in a few minutes, and I wanted to let you know so you could join us.”

 

“Alright, maybe.” Tobin responded without really committing. “We’ll have to see what’s up after we’re done eating.”

 

“It’s most of the usual crew and I know the ladies will wanna see ya.” Julian continued, smiling slyly at Tobin again.

 

Peyton turned in the booth to face Christen then, resting her chin on Christen’s arm and looking up at her with a slight scowl on her face. “Is he gonna go away? I don't like him.” She whispered seriously.

 

“It’s okay, sweetie.” Christen smiled at her reassuringly as she wrapped an arm around Peyton and pulled her a little closer while Tobin continued her conversation. “He’s just saying hi for a minute.”

 

Just then the waitress walked up carrying a big ice cream sundae that they had ordered for dessert, breaking up the conversation again.

 

“Alright, I’ll let you guys finish.” Julian bowed out finally. “Hopefully we’ll see ya in a while, Tobs. Nice to meet you guys.” He waved at Christen again.

 

“You too.” Christen returned politely.

 

“See ya, dude.” Tobin nodded as he turned and walked away.

 

“Ice cream!” Peyton gushed excitedly, forgetting about her weird feelings for that guy quickly as she pulled the sundae closer to herself.

 

Tobin handed them each a spoon and watched as Peyton dug in for a big bite before she reached her arm out over the kid and rubbed Christen’s back comfortingly.

 

Christen looked up to meet Tobin’s eyes, acknowledging Tobin’s gesture just between them for a moment.

 

“Sorry.” Tobin mouthed to Christen without pulling her arm away, hoping Julian's teasing comments hadn't upset Christen.

 

Christen just shrugged with an easy smile to let Tobin know she wasn’t bothered by Julian before they broke their gaze and helped Peyton finish off the ice cream sundae.

 

Eventually Tobin paid the bill and they made their way across the resort again, heading towards the main lobby of the hotel as Peyton listed everything she wanted to do tomorrow during their first real day of vacation; all of which included the character breakfast with Mickey and Minnie, the Goofy pool party, and maybe even a trip to the kids zone if she got too bored with the water slides and the lazy river.

 

Tobin listened diligently to make sure she didn’t miss anything as she held Christen’s hand while they walked, smiling happily again for how thankful she was that they were here with her this weekend.

 

As soon as they got into the lobby of the hotel, they ran into a few more of Tobin’s surfing friends as a big group of them were making their way towards the bar that Julian had told Tobin about earlier.

 

Tobin introduced Christen and Peyton to the group before anyone had to ask and they all stood there and talked for a few minutes before Peyton drug Christen over to look at the fish tanks that were lining the walls of the hotel lobby, leaving Tobin to catch up with her friends for a bit.

 

“Can we go upstairs and watch a movie now?” Peyton wondered to Christen after they had seen every fish tank in sight.

 

The kid had been yawning non-stop for the last several minutes and Christen knew she was getting tired. And as part of their room package, there were unlimited Disney movies for them to watch too, which Peyton planned on taking advantage of since the moment Tobin told her about them.

 

“Sure, we can do that.” Christen nodded. “Should we go see if Tobin wants to come with us?”

 

“Yeah.” Peyton nodded as they walked back to join the group that Tobin was standing with.

 

As soon as they reached her, Peyton tugged on Tobin's arm, asking for her attention. Tobin turned around and bent down as soon as Peyton’s hand was in hers, looking at the child with her undivided attention.

 

“Hey, what’s up?” Tobin wondered once they were eye level.

 

“Christen and me are gonna go watch a movie in the hotel room.” Peyton mentioned before she yawned again.

 

“You are?” Tobin smiled. “Cool, what movie do you wanna watch?”

 

“I think maybe I wanna watch Dory tonight.” Peyton responded like she was still making up her mind. “Or maybe Monsters, Inc.?”

 

“Both of those sound like really good options.” Tobin nodded like she was in agreement.

 

She stood back up to look at Christen then. “Should we go up then?”

 

“I can take her up if you wanna go hang out with your friends for a bit.” Christen offered. “They seem like they really want you to join them.”

 

Tobin turned around to look at her group of friends again and they all gave her hopeful smiles, knowing well enough that Tobin was usually the life of the party at the bars during their competitions.

 

“Ahh.” Tobin thought on it momentarily before she took a couple steps away from her friends so she could back Christen up a little bit and talk to her without anyone else listening in.

 

“I can come up with you guys if you want...” Tobin hummed, looking at Christen like she wanted her honest opinion. “I don’t need to go to the bar tonight and I don’t want to make you watch Peyton for me.”

 

“It’s up to you.” Christen shrugged. “I’m totally fine with crashing on the couch and watching a movie with her though.”

 

Honestly, Christen was torn about how much she wanted to encourage Tobin to go hang out with her friends.

 

One on hand, she wanted Tobin to spend time with herself and Peyton for the night because they’d missed her all week, but on the other hand, Christen knew that Tobin really only ever got to let loose during her competitions and she didn’t want to take that away from Tobin tonight when she didn’t have to.

 

“I truly want you to do what you want to do.” Christen offered again. “Go have a few drinks with them if you want.”

 

“Can we go now?” Peyton complained softly as she was growing tired of this conversation.

 

Tobin looked down at Peyton again and wanted her opinion on staying or going too before her attention was pulled back to her friends momentarily.

 

_“Tobin, we’re gonna walk over there. We’ll have a shot with your name on it waiting. You know the drill, Champ!”_

 

One of her friends yelled to her as the group started to walk through the lobby, giving it one last shot at asking Tobin to join them.

 

“Is it okay if you hang out with Christen for a while before you fall asleep?” Tobin asked as she waited for Peyton’s answer.

 

“Yeah, that’s okay.” Peyton nodded. She reached up and grabbed Christen’s hand like she was ready to pull her towards the elevator so they could go upstairs.

 

“You sure, babe?” Tobin tried one last time, feeling undecided herself. “You can totally say no and I’ll come upstairs with you.”

 

“Honey, it’s fine.” Christen shook her head. “I can tell that you want to go, so go.”

 

Christen figured Tobin would have said no on her own by now had she actually not wanted to.

 

“Alright..” Tobin nodded as she stepped into Christen and gave her a soft kiss. “I won’t be late, I promise.”

 

“Okay.” Christen nodded and then smiled at her girlfriend. “Have fun with your friends.”

 

Peyton led Christen to the elevator as Tobin stood there and watched them get on and hit the button for floor 13. She gave them both a wave before the doors shut and then finally turned around to walk through the lobby again, heading for the bar where all of her friends were meeting.

 

Christen couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit of disappointment in her chest as Peyton leaned on her while the elevator ascended to their floor, even though she knew she had no right to feel that way.

 

She was the one who had just told Tobin to go hang out with the others, but a tiny part of her wished that she and Peyton would have been Tobin’s only choice anyway.

 

Christen realized quickly how selfish and manipulative that thought was so she pushed her disappointment away as quickly as it had come, just as the elevator dinged at their floor. 

 

Christen got a movie set up while Peyton brushed her teeth and then settled into her bed in the main room of the hotel, cuddling up with her new Minnie Mouse doll while Finding Dory played on the TV.

 

It only took ten minutes for Peyton to fall asleep after how big of a day they’d had.

 

Christen tucked the covers around the kid a little tighter and then made her way to her and Tobin’s room to change out of her nicer clothes from dinner.

 

Christen had just gotten a t-shirt and shorts on and was about to wash her face when she heard the door of the hotel push open and then click shut again.

 

She made her way out of the bathroom to see what the noise was when she found Tobin standing there, holding two drinks in her hands with a smile on her face.

 

“Hey... did you forget something?” Christen wondered in a slightly confused tone, having no idea why Tobin was back already. She’d only stayed downstairs for fifteen minutes.

 

“Nope.” Tobin shook her head.

 

“Oh.” Christen nodded. “Did you not find your friends?”

 

“No, I found them just fine.” Tobin answered her again as she moved closer to her girlfriend. “But as soon as I got there I was just like what the hell am I doing? - the only person I want to be celebrating with tonight is you. I don’t care about the rest of those people when you’re here. So I got you a drink and me and drink and I thought we could hang out on the balcony after Peyton fell asleep, which it looks like she already did.”

 

Christen was smiling widely back at Tobin. This is exactly what she wanted right now.

 

“I’m sorry, babe.” Tobin murmured as she handed Christen’s drink over to her. “I should have just said no right away. Making you come sit in the hotel room alone with Peyton was so not cool. I’m an idiot and sometimes I’m a little slow on this whole girlfriend thing, but I promise I’m trying to catch up.”

 

“You have nothing to apologize for.” Christen shook her head and stepped into Tobin as she wrapped her arm around Tobin’s shoulders. “But I’m really glad you’re here now.”

 

“Me too.” Tobin grinned too. “The only place I ever want to be is wherever you are.”

 

They made their way out to the balcony and cuddled up together on one of the big chairs, with Christen sitting in Tobin’s lap as they looked out at the ocean in front of them. It was the perfect night to just be outside and enjoy their little slice of paradise, with a slight breeze coming in off the water and making everything feel just right.

 

“You know, I was really nervous watching you today.” Christen murmured as she took a slow sip of her drink and then rested the glass back down on Tobin’s thigh. “I had no idea that I’d ever care about surfing the way I do now, but you make it seem so fascinating.”

 

That made Tobin laugh as she took a drink of her own.

 

“I don’t know why, but I was more nervous than usual today.” Tobin admitted softly. “Before my last run, I didn’t think I was going to win.”

 

“How come?” Christen wondered as she ran her free hand through Tobin’s hair gently.

 

“Well, for one thing, the conditions were super challenging today.” Tobin started. “I’m not sure how much you could tell from the beach, but it was really windy out there. It made picking a wave really hard because you never know when they're going to die out before they reach the shore.”

 

“Peyton was getting very anxious when you wouldn’t pick a wave.” Christen chuckled. “She just kept shouting ‘ _Get one! No, that one! hurry up Toby!’_ ” she imitated goofily.

 

“Oh, I can just hear her now.” Tobin nodded with a laugh of her own. “She’s so bossy when it comes to surfing.”

 

Christen grinned again. “So just the weather was what was throwing you off? Cause it seems like you handled that just fine.”

 

“Well, that, and just the fact that I wanted to win so badly because you guys were here.” Tobin shrugged as she looked up at Christen’s face again. “I just wanted to do well for you. I wanted to make you guys proud.”

 

“You did.” Christen nodded surely. “You always do.”

 

“Thanks, babe.” Tobin smiled. "That means a lot."

 

Tobin then opened her mouth to say something else but stopped herself, instead tipping her drink back to finish the rest of her whiskey, rather than speaking again.

 

When the glass was empty Tobin set it down on the balcony floor next to the chair they were sitting in and then moved her hand up to thread her fingers through Christen’s hair as she pulled her in for a slow kiss.

 

It lasted for a few minutes and when they finally pulled back, they both just kept their eyes locked on each other, smiling a little without saying anything at all.

 

All Christen could concentrate on was Tobin’s golden brown eyes, and the way her fingertips were setting her skin on fire as she rubbed circles on Christen’s thigh, right where the hem of her shorts ended.

 

Neither of them wanted to be the one to look away first.

 

“What are you thinking?” Christen finally whispered when she couldn’t stand not knowing any longer.

 

Tobin felt a surge of butterflies in her stomach when Christen asked the question, knowing how badly she wanted to be honest with her girlfriend and tell her exactly what was stealing all of her thoughts tonight.

 

And, for once, Tobin didn’t let herself off the hook.

 

Instead, she took in a slow breath and then reached up to cup Christen’s jaw again, still not breaking eye contact as she said the only thing that was on her mind right now.

 

“I love you.”

 

She whispered it so gently but so surely, never breaking her gaze away from Christen’s eyes.

 

It was quiet for a moment as a calm and happy smile spread across Christen’s face while she processed what Tobin had just said.

 

She had never heard words so sweet in her life. They meant everything coming from Tobin.

 

“I love you too.” Christen murmured confidently in return, not second guessing it at all.

 

There was no way she wasn’t going to say it back. Not when she felt it within every bone in her body.

 

Tobin smiled and leaned up to connect her lips with Christen’s again and that was all that needed to be said. They didn’t need to explain it or apologize for it, they just needed to embrace it and let themselves fall a little further.

 

When Christen pulled back from their kiss a second time, she brought her drink to her lips and finished it off as well before she set the glass down on the balcony too, and then grabbed Tobin’s hand with hers.

 

“I know Peyton is asleep in the other room, but if we can be quiet enough, I’d really love to have sex with you tonight.” Christen hummed into Tobin’s ear.

 

Tobin licked her lips and pressed another kiss to Christen’s cheek, right next to her ear. “You’re all I want.” She nodded in agreement.

 

Christen smiled and then stood up from Tobin’s lap before she slowly pulled the glass door to their room open again and led Tobin back inside with their hands linked together.

 

Christen pulled her shirt over her head while Tobin made sure the door to their bedroom was locked and then wasted no time undressing Christen the rest of the way before taking her own clothes off too.

 

It was slow and passionate and torturously good, both of them building each other up just enough to almost reach their climax before they’d back off a little to make sure they kept things quiet.

 

When they both finally came, their centers were pressed together with Tobin on top of Christen, grinding down into her as they found their release at the same time, with their tongues dancing together as they moaned into each other’s mouths.

 

They laid under the covers naked together for a while, until Christen was just about to doze off, neither of them saying anything as they listened to the ocean waves crash into the beach down below their balcony through the open screen door.

 

Finally, Tobin slid out of bed first and grabbed a set of clothes to put on as she used the bathroom before Christen did the same, both of them knowing they couldn’t sleep naked with Peyton surely getting them up bright and early in the morning to start their day.

 

Tobin unlocked the bedroom door again and then waited for Christen to settle back into bed, pulling her close as soon as she crawled back under the covers.

 

Thankfully, it didn’t take long for either of them to fall asleep because Peyton came crashing into their room just after 7 am the next morning, crawling up on the bed before she started to jump on the mattress, shaking both adults awake before they could even realize what was happening.

 

“It’s time for breakfast with Mickey and Minnie!” The kid announced loudly as she jumped up and down until Tobin sat up with a sleepy smile on her face.

 

For as much as she was hating that they were awake right now, Tobin couldn’t deny the happiness and excitement radiating out of Peyton, and that was enough to make her want to scramble out of bed to get ready for the day.

 

“Alright dude, how about you go change out of your pajamas and we can get ready to head down there?” Tobin suggested, trying to get Peyton to stop bouncing so Christen could have some peace.

 

“Okay!” Peyton agreed, flinging herself off the bed again as she scurried back to her part of the hotel room to get dressed.

 

Tobin leaned down and kissed Christen’s head as soon as Peyton was out of sight.

 

“Morning, baby.” She laughed. “I hope you’re ready for a day full of Disney adventures because PJ sure seems to be.”

 

Christen yawned and let out a tired sigh as she pushed the covers off of herself, not wanting to miss a moment of the action even though she felt exhausted.

 

“I guess so.” Christen murmured with a tired smile. "If you and Peyton are ready then so am I…”

 

She leaned over and kissed Tobin’s lips quickly before she crawled over her and headed for the bathroom.

 

Fifteen minutes later all three of them were dressed and heading out the door, with their swimsuits on under their clothes so they could head straight to the pool as soon as breakfast was over.

 

Peyton held onto both of their hands as they stepped out of the elevator into the lobby downstairs, smiling at everyone in sight.

 

The eight-year-old had never been more excited for a day in her life.

 

“Disney is the happiest place on earth!” She mentioned as she looked up at Tobin, remembering what she’d heard before and repeating it for the adults now.

 

“You bet it is.” Tobin encouraged her with a laugh.

 

“And it’s the best place for us, cause we’re the happiest family on earth!” Peyton yelled out again loudly.

 

Christen and Tobin looked at each other over Peyton’s head and smiled lovingly at the child’s words.

 

She had a good point. They were so damn happy.

 

Christen winked at Tobin and they both laughed a little until Peyton dropped both of their hands and cheered excitedly again as she took off into a run ahead of them, begging them both to hurry up.

 

“Let's go! I just spotted Mickey!”

  



	20. Red.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Losing him was blue like I'd never known  
> Missing him was dark grey, all alone  
> Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met  
>  
> 
> But loving you is red.
> 
>  
> 
> .

Christen was standing in the middle of a row of coffee trees, buried deep within one of the vineyards on the Kauai Coffee Plantation, her eyes closed as she breathed in slowly. A steady breeze was blowing her hair a little in the wind as she listened to the sounds of the world around her, just enjoying a quiet moment to herself as the warm morning sun shined on her face while she basked in the sensation of it.

 

She had been out here for a couple hours now, spending an early morning at work with a couple of the growers, getting a feel for the crops and letting them show her a few new growing techniques they had been trying, in order to improve the quality of coffee they were producing.

 

She’d been done with that for a bit, though, and was now trying to ground herself to the earth; taking a few minutes for herself rather than heading back to her desk to answer the barrage of emails that had surely come in since she left the office last night.

 

Being out in the vineyards was a thing she used to do all the time, when she was traveling in different parts of the world, letting herself get lost with nature until she felt like she was one with it, if even for a few minutes.

 

That ritual had gotten away from her lately, but she was ready to get back into it.

 

She thought of it as a type of meditation, one that she had been meaning to start practicing again; and this morning, with nothing pressing on her schedule, it felt like the perfect time for her to start again.

 

She opened her eyes a moment later at the sound of two birds squawking back and forth, smiling to herself as she watched them fight for dominance on a single tree branch in her line of sight before she took another deep breath and started to walk slowly through the row of coffee trees she was in.

 

Sure, there were people scattered around the plantation, working on farming their crops like they did every morning, but she had enough privacy to feel alone for the time being.

 

Her feet were sinking into the volcanic red earth underneath her slightly as it was still wet from the overnight rainstorm that had passed through the area, covering the soles of her rubber boots and making her thankful that she’d decided to wear them, instead of the pair of heels she’d left at her desk.

 

She knew these little adventures usually got pretty messy.

 

Once she made it to the end of the row she was in, she looked up to see someone approaching in the distance on a four-wheeler, holding her hand up over her eyes to block the sun as she tried to figure out who it may be.

 

Christen watched for a minute until the person got closer before she realized it was Mana who was approaching, making her way out to the road to wait patiently until she came to a stop in front of Christen.

 

The shorter woman killed the engine on the four-wheeler before they spoke, so they could hear each other easily.

 

“Morning, boss.” Mana grinned kindly.

 

“Hey, Man’, what’s up?” Christen smiled back, “Did you just get here?”

 

Christen knew Mana was on the schedule to work today and the first Walking Tour started at ten, so she figured she was just getting ready to begin her day.

 

“I did.” Mana nodded as she reached into her pocket and grabbed something out of it and then reached out to hand it to Christen.

 

Christen flattened her hand to accept whatever it was that Mana was about to give her and then laughed softly as a single red Hershey's Kiss was dropped into her palm.

 

“Happy Valentine’s Day.” Mana hummed at the same time.

 

“Awww.” Christen smiled excitedly at her small present. “Thanks, girly. Happy Valentine’s Day to you!”

 

The dark-haired woman unwrapped the small piece of chocolate and then popped it into her mouth with another happy smile. “This is the first valentine I’ve gotten today, so you just made my morning.”

 

That fact made Mana smile a little brighter for a moment.

 

“As much as I love being your first, I'm afraid I’m not gonna be your last.” She raised her eyebrows teasingly. “I saw a certain _something_ sitting on your desk when I walked by your office a few minutes ago, so I thought I’d come let you know that you had a special delivery…”

 

“Uh oh..” Christen laughed in genuine surprise. “What was it?”

 

“You’ll have to go see for yourself.” Mana shrugged like she had no clue. “Although, I have to say, smooth move on Tobin’s part by sending it to work instead of just giving it to you this morning. Isn’t she just so flashy and romantic...”

 

“I actually didn’t see her this morning.” Christen smiled again. “I slept at home last night since she and Peyton had their day together yesterday.”

 

Mana thought on Christen’s words for a split second before her face fell when she realized what she meant.

 

“Ohh, _shit_.” She gulped and smacked herself in the forehead. “Jessie’s birthday was yesterday, that’s right.”

 

Jessie’s birthday was on February 13th, so Tobin and Peyton had made it a tradition to spend the day with just each other celebrating her. They’d done it every year since she had passed away and all of their friends knew that, but they still tried to make it a point to reach out and send their love anyway.

 

Christen, of course, had been more than understanding about letting them have their space for their day of celebration, so she and Reese had spent a rare night at home alone the night before.

 

“I’m such a shitty friend for forgetting and not calling her yesterday...” Mana sighed quickly, knowing Jessie’s birthday had always been a tough day for both Tobin and Peyton. “How are they doing?”

 

“I think they’re doing okay.” Christen nodded, trying to ease Mana’s guilt.  “I talked to her for a couple minutes before I went to bed last night and she they had a _mostly_ happy day, so that was good to hear.”

 

“I’m glad.” Mana smiled weakly, making a mental note to call Tobin this afternoon and check in on her. “We need to get together soon and catch up. I hardly see them anymore.”

 

Christen frowned slightly at that, knowing that probably had a little to do with her occupying so much of Tobin and Peyton’s time now. She hated to think she was keeping them from their friends at all.

 

Mana didn’t give her much time to dwell on that thought though as she looked at the time on her cell phone and then changed the subject as she pulled Christen out of her thoughts again.

 

“Anyway, I’ve gotta go start my day and get ready for the first tour, but go see what you got when you get a chance. I’ll try to stop by your office on lunch and say hi.”

 

“Sounds good, I’ll head up there now.” Christen nodded. “Thanks for the chocolate! I hope you have a wonderful day.”

 

“You too.” Mana waved. “See ya, Chris.”

 

The younger woman started the four-wheeler again and drove off, leaving Christen alone in the middle of the vineyard once more as she disappeared out of sight.

 

Christen watched her go before she slowly made her way through the property back towards the main building where her office was, saying hi to her coworkers as she passed them, eagerly wondering what special delivery Mana had been talking about.

 

She was mostly intrigued because she and Tobin had agreed to not get each other anything for Valentine’s Day, since neither of them cared much for the holiday, and instead decided they’d just do dinner with Peyton as a way to celebrate their little family together.

 

This surprise wasn’t following that guideline.

 

Christen pulled the doors to the building open and wiped her dirty boots on the rug in front of the door before she made her way down the hallway towards her office.

 

When she got there, she rounded the corner into her doorway and immediately spotted what special delivery Mana had been talking about. It was sitting right in the middle of her desk for everyone to see as they passed by.

 

One dozen red roses wrapped in a pretty bouquet, with a white envelope leaning up against the flowers that had Christen’s name on it.

 

She was slightly confused when she saw them because she had just explained to Tobin that she hated getting roses on Valentine’s Day.

 

For as much as she loved being sent flowers regularly, they were too cliche and such a marketing driven ploy that it made them totally un-special on this day.

 

Tobin had seemed to agree the other night when they’d talked about it over dinner, but apparently, she had changed her mind.

 

Christen picked up the white envelope from the desk and opened it to read what the card said.

 

_Christen,_

_Happy Valentine’s Day, beautiful._

_Be mine?_

 

The note was simple and it made Christen smile, and the flowers _were_ really gorgeous, so she quickly got over her _‘no flowers on Valentine’s Day’_ stance and grabbed her phone to dial Tobin’s number to say thank you for the sweet gesture.

 

Tobin picked up on the second ring.

 

Before her girlfriend could even say anything, Christen was murmuring into the phone on her end of the line.

 

“You think you’re pretty slick, don’t you?”

 

She was smiling as she said it and her tone reflected that, making Tobin laugh.

 

“I mean, usually, yeah...” Tobin returned with a cocky smirk at Christen’s greeting. “Why do you ask?”

 

“Because I’m _supposed_ to be annoyed right now, but I’m not because they’re gorgeous.” Christen grinned again. “And, yes, I will obviously be yours…”

 

“Ahhh...that’s good.. _thank_ you?” Tobin hummed in response to Christen’s declaration. “What is gorgeous, though?”

 

Christen could tell there was a hint of confusion in Tobin’s voice and she could also tell that she wasn’t just messing around.

 

“The roses,” Christen explained further. “I just got back to my office and saw them.”

 

“Roses?” Tobin dropped the waxing rag she was holding as she was kneeled next to a surfboard in her equipment room, trying to figure out what Christen was referring to. “What are we talking about?”

 

“There is a bouquet of twelve roses sitting on my desk right now,” Christen spoke slowly. “And I was calling you to say thank you for them… I don’t understand which part is confusing you?”

 

They were suddenly not making any sense to each other.

 

“Okay... I didn’t send you any roses.” Tobin explained in return.

 

“You didn’t?” Christen cocked her head to the side, clearly puzzled now.

 

“No…?” Tobin drawled out slowly. “You just told me you hated getting flowers for Valentine’s day...“

 

“I know that, which is why I said I should be annoyed, but then I saw them and they are really pretty, so then I wasn’t annoyed and I actually really love them... and,” Christen opened her mouth halfway to continue and then paused for a second to let her mind catch up. “… wait, are you saying you didn’t send these?”

 

“No, babe.” Tobin laughed humorlessly, wondering why this was so hard for her girlfriend to comprehend. “I didn’t send them.”

 

“Well, what the heck?” Christen wondered out loud.

 

“Did you want me to?” Tobin questioned then. “Cause if you did, you shouldn’t have told me not to. I woulda been happy to give you flowers today, but you said didn’t want them, and as much as I’d like to, I can’t read your mind…”

 

Christen wasn’t even listening to what Tobin was rambling on about, she was just letting her brain wonder as she tried to make sense of the situation.

 

“Ugh... I’m so confused.” Christen finally whispered. “So, if you didn’t send these, who did?” She asked again like Tobin was supposed to know.

 

The note in the card was clearly typed out by the florist, so there was no clue as to whose handwriting it might have been, either.

 

“I have no idea.” Tobin shrugged on her end. “Maybe your parents or something?”

 

“The card says _‘Be Mine’_ with a question mark, Tobs.. it would be kinda weird if my parents sent a card saying that…”

 

Tobin thought about it and then laughed easily. “Good point.”

 

“Huh.” Christen thought on it again.

 

“Well then, whoever sent them was probably joking.” Tobin pointed out. “Cause it’s not like you’re single.. ya know.... cause you’re _my_ girlfriend.”

 

“I am aware.” Christen smiled at Tobin’s reminder. “And I am very lucky.”

 

 _“I don’t know why someone is sending my girlfriend flowers..”_ Tobin mumbled just enough that Christen couldn’t understand her.

 

Christen cleared her throat and didn’t bother asking Tobin to repeat herself.

 

“It was probably one of my friends.” She guessed then, no less confused than she had been a minute ago. “They’re probably the only other people who would know where to send them.”

 

“That’d make sense.” Tobin agreed with her.

 

“Alrighty, well, this conversation has been unhelpful…” Christen sighed gently.

 

“Sorry, baby.” Tobin murmured casually as she picked up her waxing rag again to keep working on her board.

 

“That’s okay.” Christen grinned happily once again. “It was still nice to hear your voice.”

 

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Tobin chuckled. “Let me know when you figure out this mystery.”

 

“I will.” Christen nodded.

 

“Okie dokie.” Tobin hummed. “I’m in the middle of waxing my board, so can I talk to you later?”

 

“Yeah, I’ll let you go...” Christen agreed and was about to hang up before she pulled the phone back to her ear. “Hey, Honey?”

 

“Yeah?” Tobin responded before she dropped the phone away from her ear.

 

“I can’t wait to see you tonight.”

 

“I can’t wait to see you either, Chris.” Tobin smiled. “And since your _my_ Valentine, I’m gonna kiss you a whole bunch all over that cute face of yours…”

 

“You better.” Christen murmured entertainingly. “Talk to you in awhile.”

 

They hung up and Christen instantly pulled up her group message with Julie, Lauren, and Sofia and asked them about the flowers too, quickly getting replies from all three saying they had no idea who would have sent them either.

 

She was officially stumped.

 

She hadn’t even met that many new people lately, and by now, everyone that Christen already knew on the island was aware that she was dating Tobin.

 

At least, she thought that was the case.

 

Mana stopped by during her late lunch break and Christen filled her in on the fact that the flowers weren’t from Tobin before they spent the rest of the hour analyzing who exactly could have sent them.

 

“It’s just so specific to send them to me here.” Christen thought out loud as they bounced ideas back and forth. “It’s not like that many people know where I work anyway, ya know?”

 

Mana nodded silently as she thought on it for a second.

 

“Random thought, but..” She paused before she took another guess as she sat in the chair across from Christen’s desk and munched on her peanut butter and banana sandwich. “Would your ex have sent them? Maybe as a way to try and weasel his way back in?”

 

“No.” Christen shook her head, surprisingly unaffected by the mention of him. “He would have no idea where to send them, and also, he’s thoroughly uninterested, I’m sure.”

 

When they both came up with nothing else off the top of their heads, they got up to take a stroll out to the tasting room, since Christen couldn’t focus on work anymore when she was so preoccupied with figuring out who her secret admirer was. They hoped maybe a cup of coffee would help.

 

Of course, Mana was more than happy to join her as she gave up her 3:00 tour to another Guide and instead accompanied Christen on her journey of discovery.

 

It turns out, they didn’t have to look very far.

 

They were caught up in the middle of an animated conversation while they walked through the roastery towards the tasting room when all of Christen’s questions were quickly answered as they crossed paths with one of the Roastmasters, Mikey.

 

They both hadn’t even noticed him as he worked off to the side of the path they were on through the big warehouse, only catching their attention once they heard him call Christen’s name.

 

 _“Christen, hey!”_ He shouted with a wave, causing both women to turn their heads at the same time.

 

“Hey, Mike.” Christen waved back with a friendly smile as she and Mana kept their stride.

 

“What up, Mikey?” Mana shouted too, tossing him a shaka sign like she was unaffected by his lack of addressing her.

 

Mike stepped out from where he was standing at one of the roasting machines and tried again.

 

“Can I, ah.. actually talk to you for a second, Christen?”

 

Christen and Mana both stopped walking as Christen turned to look at Mana with a puzzled look and then back towards Mike.

 

“Oh, sure, what’s up?” She wondered, trying to hide the surprise in her voice.

 

They didn’t exactly talk all that often, other than a friendly hello here and there when they saw each other in various parts of the office, and other than him being the Head Roastmaster, she didn’t know much else about him.

 

“I’ll meet you in the tasting room, Chris.” Mana mentioned, signaling that she’d give them a minute to chat.

 

She shrugged as Christen looked at her again for a moment, like they were telepathically trying to guess what Mike wanted.

 

“Okay, I’ll be there in a few.” Christen nodded as Mana pushed the swinging doors of the roastery open and continued on her way through the building.

 

Once the door swung shut again Christen turned around again to face Mike as he came to a stop in front of her.

 

“What can I do for ya?” Christen wondered as she pursed her lips in question, thinking he had some sort of work question or something.

 

“I was just curious if you’ve been to your office yet?” Mike started, fumbling a little with his hands like he was maybe a bit nervous.

 

“Oh, yeah.” Christen nodded. “I just came from there, actually.”

 

“Oh cool..” He murmured as he shoved his hands into his pockets then. “What’d you think of the flowers?”

 

“They’re pretty.” Christen smiled kindly. “I’m still trying to figure out where they came from though.”

 

He laughed for a moment like she was joking and then blushed a little when he realized she was being serious.

 

“I, ah..” He pointed at himself. “They’re from me, actually.”

 

“Oh.” Christen murmured and then it really clicked into place, her eyes going wide with surprise. _“Ohhhh.”_ She said a little louder the second time.

 

“Happy Valentine’s Day.” He grinned with a hopeful look on his face.

 

“Thanks. Same to you.” Christen returned politely, having no idea what else to say to that.

 

She suddenly realized what was happening, or what was about to happen, and immediately wished Mana hadn’t abandoned her.

 

“I was kinda hoping maybe you wanted to grab dinner with me tonight?” He asked more sheepishly, looking down at the floor in between them for a moment before he let his eyes wander up to meet Christen’s. “Like, as a date for Valentine’s Day.”

 

Now it was Christen’s turn to blush.

 

“Oh, Mike, that’s really sweet of you to ask.” Christen crossed her arms in front of herself awkwardly. “But I’m actually already seeing someone...”

 

“Tonight you are?” Mike reached up to rub the back of his neck and then nodded. “Right.. Of course you already have plans. Obviously I should have asked sooner. You’re just like.. really pretty and a little intimidating.. but in a nice way… and so I really had to psych myself up for this.”

 

Christen watched his face flush an even deeper red with embarrassment before she cleared her throat.

 

“Well, yeah, tonight and most nights…” Christen murmured so he would stop rambling.

 

She thought about leaving it at that but then realized she owed herself and Tobin more of an explanation than that.

 

“... I have a girlfriend, actually.”

 

She couldn’t help but smile as she said it.

 

“A girlfriend?” He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Oh..”

 

“Yeah.” Christen nodded surely again. “She’s really great and wonderful and... I’m sorry, I guess I thought you would have heard that?”

 

“Nah, I guess not.” He shook his head.

 

They both looked at each other awkwardly again before Mike tried to seem unaffected.

 

“Do I know her?” He questioned casually like he was just making conversation now.

 

“Maybe?” Christen shrugged, having no idea who he did and didn’t know. “Her name is Tobin.”

 

“Tobin Heath?” He guessed right away, knowing Tobin wasn’t a very common name to begin with.

 

“Yeah.” Christen smiled proudly at the mention of the brunette. “That’s her.”

 

“Really?” He asked again. His tone didn’t sound embarrassed anymore, now he was just intrigued. “Tobin Heath is your girlfriend?”

 

“Yeah...” Christen repeated with a smile, turning her head a little curiously. “...Why do you say it like that?”

 

“Oh, no..” He put his hand up like he was defending himself. “I don’t mean it like anything, it’s just.. I didn’t really know Tobin ever had girlfriends..”

 

Christen wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean either.

 

“So you know her?” Christen wondered, hoping he’d explain a little more.

 

He wasn’t being rude so she wasn’t offended. She was just more interested now about what he had to say.

 

“Yeah, Tobin’s awesome. I’ve known her for a while.” He laughed a little and then paused again. “So…really, you and her, huh?... wow.”

 

Mike was processing all of this new information with a smile. He admittedly hadn’t seen Tobin in a while, but last he knew, she was very single.

 

“Yep.” Christen gave him one more firm nod and a laugh of her own.

 

“Oh, well, cool, I guess.” He smiled kindly. “That’s good to know. Sorry about asking you out then.”

 

“No, that’s totally fine…  I’m sorry about the flowers.” Christen murmured, feeling slightly bad now. “I don’t know what the protocol is here.. Do you, like, want them back, or..?”

 

Mike started to laugh, shaking his head again.

 

“No, of course not. You can just think of them as friendly flowers. No worries at all.”

 

They both looked at each other again and Christen finally nodded. “Okay, thanks. I’m gonna go catch up with Mana then I guess...”

 

She pointed her thumb behind herself towards the door as she started to back up.

 

“Cool.” He agreed. “Let me know if you ever change your mind.”

 

Christen nodded and spun around to head towards the door, looking over her shoulder just as she pushed it open. “See ya, Mike.”

 

As soon as she was out of his sight, she pulled her phone out of her back pocket, blushing again at how awkward that was. Thankful that it ended so quickly.

 

She found Tobin’s text string and quickly typed out a message to her girlfriend to fill her in.

 

 **{Hot Girlfriend: 3:21 pm}** _I figured it out. They're from one of the roastmasters, Mikey. I guess he didn’t know I was seeing anyone and wanted to ask me out…_

 

Tobin was sitting in the parking lot of Peyton’s elementary school when Christen’s text came through, waiting to pick the kid up once school was done for the day.

 

“ _What the fuck?_ ” Tobin whispered to herself as she rolled her eyes when she read Christen’s text.

 

She immediately had a good idea of who exactly Christen was referring to. There was only one Mikey that worked out at the coffee plantation that Tobin was aware of. She knew him and his family and she surfed with his brother sometimes.

 

 **{Tobin <3: 3:21pm} ** _Mike Shimatsu?_

She guessed in response.

 **{Hot Girlfriend: 3:21 pm}** _Yeah, I think that’s his last name.._

 **{Hot Girlfriend: 3:21 pm}** _But don’t worry, honey... I just spent the last five minutes telling him how wonderful my girlfriend is. :)_

 

Tobin sent a reply back quickly as she heard the bell ring outside the school building.

 

 **{Tobin <3: 3:21pm}** _Tell him I’m gonna beat him up._

 

She was mostly joking but she did feel more bothered by it than she thought she would. Even if he was harmless.

 

Christen sent back both an eye roll and a kissy face emoji in response before Tobin put her phone down in the cup holder as she spotted Peyton running out of the doors of the school.

 

She gave Peyton a wave and then hopped out of her truck so she could greet the child and let her climb in.

 

“Hey, buddy, how was your day?” Tobin wondered with a smile as Peyton gave her a hug and handed her backpack over to Tobin before she climbed into the backseat and put her seatbelt on.

 

“It was so fun!” Peyton replied happily. “It was pizza day for lunch and then we did our valentines and Mrs. Lee gave us each a whole candy bar! And I got so much candy from all my friends too!”

 

“That’s awesome!” Tobin grinned as she listened. “Did everyone like your Minnie Mouse valentines?”

 

The kids did classroom exchanges for Valentine's Day, so Tobin and Peyton had spent an hour the night before writing out each of Peyton’s classmates names on Minnie Mouse valentine cards and taping a piece of candy to each of them for Peyton to hand out.

 

“Yeah.” Peyton answered her with a nod. “And, Toby, guess what?”

 

“What’s that, bud?” Tobin wondered as she put her own seatbelt on.

 

“There was a new kid in class today and his name is Landon and he just moved here from Arizona, where all the cactuses are, and we didn’t know him before today so he didn’t get valentines from anyone. But he was really nice and I didn’t want him to feel sad so I shared my candy with him.”

 

Tobin turned around to look into the backseat again with a huge smile on her face.

 

“That was so nice of you, PJ.” Tobin complimented. “You’re such a good kid, you know that?”

 

Peyton just smiled like it was the simplest thing in the world and Tobin was thankful once again for how awesome of a kid she was. She was so proud of how Peyton was growing up.

 

“Maybe tonight we can make him his own valentine and I can bring it to school tomorrow and give it to him?” Peyton suggested then.

 

“Yeah, we can do that.” Tobin nodded, knowing they’d had some leftover cards anyway.

 

“I’m gonna tell all my friends to be his friend too.” Peyton rambled on. “And then maybe sometime I can invite him over to play with me and I can show him Reese?”

 

“Yeah, probably.” Tobin nodded. “We’ll have to ask his parents sometime.”

 

“Okay!” Peyton agreed. “That would be pretty fun. Reese really likes making new friends too.”

 

Tobin laughed as she turned around again and started her truck, pulling out of her parking space now that they were ready to go.

 

They drove in silence for a minute as Peyton pondered how she was going to make the new kid her friend before she spoke up again.

 

“Toby, what time is Christen gonna come over tonight?” She wondered from the backseat as she looked out the window.

 

“As soon as she’s done with work.” Tobin explained as she put her blinker on and got in the right turn lane.

 

“Yes!” Peyton hummed excitedly. “Can we go surfing until she comes over?”

 

“I don’t think we’re gonna have time, bud.” Tobin answered her quickly.

 

Peyton’s shoulders dropped slightly at being told no and she didn’t say anything for a moment as she focused on where they were driving, until she realized they weren’t going the same way home that they usually did.

 

“Where are we going?” Peyton piped up again in question. “Isn’t our house the other way?”

 

“Yeah but we’ve gotta run to the store quick before we go home.” Tobin explained, coming up with the idea on the fly.

 

“How come?” Peyton wondered, knowing they had just been to the grocery store the night before too.

 

They came to a stop at a stop sign as Tobin glanced in the rearview mirror at Peyton.

 

“Cause we’ve gotta get Christen some flowers for Valentine’s Day.”

 

“But, Toby!” Peyton shook her head like she was vetoing that idea. “Remember when Christen said she didn’t want any flowers for Valentine’s Day?” She reminded Tobin of the conversation they’d had over dinner a couple nights ago. “She said that, remember?”

 

“Yeah, bud, I remember.” Tobin quieted her easily.

 

Tobin had clearly known that already, but if someone else was going to give Christen flowers today, then so was she.

 

“How come we’re getting her flowers then?” Peyton asked again.

 

“Cause I have a feeling she actually does want them.” Tobin admitted.

 

“How come if she wants them she didn’t say that?” Peyton wondered next.

 

The kid was not going to let this go. But it was the same exact thought that Tobin had earlier too, thinking back on their conversation this morning and to how much Christen loved the roses when she thought they’d come from Tobin.

 

“I don’t know, P.” Tobin shrugged. “Sometimes girls don’t always tell you what they want, they make you figure it out for yourself...”

 

Peyton scrunched her face up and thought on it for a moment as Tobin drove through the intersection.

 

“That is _really_ confusing.” Peyton finally decided.

 

That made Tobin laugh pretty hard.

 

“I agree.” She nodded as they turned into the parking lot of the only florist in town and parked in the first empty space they found. “So should we go pick out some flowers or what?”

 

Peyton nodded and undid her seatbelt and hopped out of Tobin’s truck before Tobin pushed the door shut behind her. Peyton ran on ahead as they walked through the parking lot to the door of the florist, not bothering to wait for Tobin to catch up before she went inside.

 

Tobin found her in the middle of the store, already well occupied with trying to find the perfect bouquet of flowers for Christen.

 

After some back and forth debate about whether she’d like traditional red roses better or something a little more unconventional, they settled on a simple bouquet of purple tulips.

 

They both knew that purple was Christen’s favorite color and since they were different than the flowers Christen had gotten this morning, Tobin agreed as soon as Peyton pointed them out.

 

Peyton also found a white teddy bear that was holding a red heart and requested that she get it for Christen too, so they could both have a valentine for her, which Tobin couldn’t say no to.

 

They were just about to the checkout counter when Peyton’s eyes lit up again at a shelf of various chocolates for sale. She moved towards it swiftly and grabbed a bag of Dove chocolates before she turned to look at Tobin again.

 

“And can we get Christen these too?” The kid wondered as she held them up for Tobin to see.

 

“Are you asking because you want Christen to have the chocolate or because you want the chocolate?” Tobin asked with a knowing grin.

 

“Umm..” Peyton paused as she considered how to answer before she smiled. “I want the chocolate.”

 

That poor kid was never able to lie to Tobin.

 

“But Christen could have some too because she really likes this chocolate.”

 

Tobin couldn’t fault her for her honesty and the cute and cunning smile she had on her face.

 

“Alright, give it here.” Tobin agreed with a chuckle, taking the bag of chocolate hearts out of Peyton’s hands so she could go pay for everything.

 

Once they finally got home with their gifts for Christen, Peyton chucked her backpack down in the entryway and ran to the kitchen to grab the extra valentine's cards she had left and then went straight to her bedroom with her box of markers, shutting her bedroom door before Tobin could even get a word in.

 

She was clearly focused on making the new boy in class a special post-Valentine’s Day card.

 

Tobin left her alone to do her thing and made her way out to the back deck with a copy of the latest edition of _Surfer Magazine_ that had come in the mail as she waited on Christen to get done with work.

 

Tobin got lost in reading an article about the newest surfing trends in Japan when she registered the sound of the front door closing through the open screen door on the patio. Before she could even get up to see what the noise was, she noticed Reese trotting up to the screen door as he pressed his snout against it, trying to get out to the back deck where Tobin sat.

 

“Hey, Reesey Boy.” Tobin grinned and stood up from the patio chair she was in, moving to open the screen door so Reese could get outside.

 

She gave the dog’s head a pat and then stepped into the kitchen, smiling again when she saw Christen putting her stuff down on the kitchen island after having let herself and Reese in the front door.

 

“Hey, babe.” Tobin hummed.

 

“Hi.” Christen smiled right back as she took a few steps and leaned in to kiss Tobin quickly.

 

“How was your day.” Tobin wondered with her hands still on Christen’s ribs, holding her close.

 

“It was.. pretty unproductive, to be honest.” Christen answered her before she turned her head to look at her things on the island. “The grand mystery of the day...” she reached out and picked up the bouquet of red roses she had received for Tobin to look at, “...kinda took all my focus away and then I just had a coffee with Mana and then left to come here.”

 

“These are the flowers?” Tobin let go of Christen and reached for them.

 

“Yep.” Christen answered her.

 

“Can I see them, please?” Tobin requested as she was already mid-reach for them.

 

Christen handed the flowers over to Tobin and then stood there silently as Tobin took them out of her hands and turned around to walk back out of the still-open patio door.

 

Christen followed her after a few steps and watched as Tobin made it to the railing of the deck and chucked the flowers over the side, down into the long yellow grass and rocks down below.

 

Tobin then turned around and literally dusted her hands off like she had just gotten rid of some garbage.

 

“Wow… that was dramatic.” Christen raised her eyebrows as they made eye contact again.

 

“I don’t care.” Tobin shrugged. “Nobody is giving my girlfriend flowers on Valentine’s Day but me.”

 

“ _Tobin_!” Christen chided then. “If I knew you were going to throw them off a cliff I woulda left them at work.”

 

“Why would you leave them at work?” Tobin wondered in a serious tone.

 

“Because they’re just flowers..” Christen answered her calmly. “They’re pretty and I can still enjoy the beauty of them without them meaning anything.”

 

They weren’t yelling at each other and they both had slight smirks on their faces, but they were both being serious, too.

 

“Sorry.” Tobin shrugged again, her tone making it obvious that she wasn’t. “Not gonna happen, babe.”

 

“Oh my gosh…” Christen laughed once. “Look at you, you’re totally jealous right now, aren’t you?”

 

“I’m not jealous.” Tobin laughed back humorlessly. “I’m just not letting some dude give you flowers, especially today. I don’t really care if they go to waste.”

 

“Ooo _kay_.” Christen rolled her eyes.

 

They stood there looking at each other in a small and entertaining standoff until Christen broke first.

 

“Honey, I thought you would think it’s funny.” She sighed apologetically, relenting before this turned into an actual fight. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I seriously didn’t think you’d care that I brought them home.”

 

She took a step towards Tobin and wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging her tightly.

 

“I’m not upset.” Tobin sighed too as she wrapped her arms around Christen’s shoulders and kissed her forehead sweetly. “It’s done and over with. I was just making a point.”

 

They stood there hugging for a moment with Christen’s face pressed against Tobin’s shoulder before she lifted her eyes to meet Tobin’s with another smile.

 

“So this is what it feels like to be on the other side of it, huh?” She grinned cutely. “This is how it feels when the other person is jealous?... What a wild feeling.”

 

Now it was Tobin’s turn to roll her eyes before she laughed too, knowing the whole scene of her tossing the bouquet over the railing _was_ a bit dramatic.

 

“You’re mine, babe.” Tobin whined and tried not to smile as she kissed Christen’s head again.

 

“I know.. I’m all yours.” Christen nodded and lifted her face so her lips were brushing against Tobin’s as they held eye contact for a second before she spoke again.

 

“I love you.” She whispered sweetly against Tobin’s lips.

 

They both had that same rush of butterflies in their stomachs at the same time because of it.

 

“I love you too.” Tobin murmured before she fully kissed her girlfriend.

 

It was only the second time they’d said it to each other, both of them still being overly cautious with those three little words in the week and a half it’d been since they said it the first time. Even though they knew how each other felt, they didn’t want to wear it out.

 

It was important to both of them that those words continued to hold weight, instead of just becoming another phrase they mindlessly said to each other.

 

Christen finally pulled away and leaned back so she was standing fully on her own again, realizing she hadn’t seen the littlest member of the household yet, which was rather surprising by now.

 

“Where’s Peyton at?” Christen wondered as she turned around to look back at the house again.

 

“She’s in her room, making a valentine for a boy in her class, that I’m pretty sure she has a crush on.” Tobin sighed when she remembered what else was happening. “So I guess I’m probably gonna have to beat up _two_ boys here pretty soon…”

 

She smirked sarcastically which made Christen laugh as she kissed Tobin once more.

 

“Sounds like you’ve got your hands full, babe.” Christen teased her again.

 

“Tell me about it.” Tobin nodded. “Let’s go get her though, we’ve got a surprise for you.”

 

“What do you mean a surprise?” Christen wondered as she followed Tobin back inside. “We agreed no surprises today.”

 

“Too late.” Tobin murmured. “I had to do something after that..” Tobin pointed out of the house towards where the roses had ended up under the deck, signaling what she meant.

 

 _“Ugh! Tobin.”_ Christen protested, trying to sound annoyed. “That’s not fair. I didn’t get you anything.”

 

“Good, I didn’t want anything.” Tobin replied honestly before she yelled down the hallway towards Peyton’s room. _“PJ? Come out here will you?”_

 

It was a couple seconds before they heard Peyton open her bedroom door.

 

 _“What?”_ Peyton yelled back without stepping out of her room.

 

“What are you doing?” Tobin hollered again. “Come out here, Christen and Reese are here.”

 

Peyton instantly pulled her door open farther and come running down the hallway and out into the living room with a big smile on her face.

 

“Happy Valentine’s Dayyyyy.” Peyton held her words as she ran until she reached Christen and hugged her quickly.

 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, cutie.” Christen laughed and hugged her back. “How was your big day at school?”

 

“Good.” Peyton smiled as she focused her attention on Reese, moving to hug him where he stood at his water bowl.

 

“Dude.” Tobin murmured then, waiting on Peyton to look at her again. She wagged her finger at the kid until she came closer and then bent down to look her in the eyes. “Can you go get the stuff?” Tobin requested in a whisper.

 

“Oh yeah!” Peyton’s eyes lit up as she remembered their gifts for Christen.

 

Peyton ran to the entryway by the garage and grabbed the flowers and teddy bear they’d bought her and brought them back to the kitchen, handing the bouquet to Tobin and then looking at Christen again.

 

“We got you presents because we love you the most!” Peyton announced excitedly. “And cause Toby said that girls are confusing and always want presents, even when they say they don’t!”

 

She reached out and handed the teddy bear to Christen and then looked up at Tobin to do the same.

 

“Oh my gosh!” Christen gushed, unable to say anything else as her breath caught in her throat at Peyton’s words.

 

Nobody had ever made her feel this way with a simple gesture on this day. It was the sweetest thing in the world.

 

Tobin handed the flowers over to Christen with a knowing look before Christen pulled them both into herself; all three of them hugging in the middle of the kitchen until Reese barked once and tried to join in by licking Peyton’s face.

 

“Thank you guys..” Christen murmured, looking at the bear and the flowers again. “I love you both so much.”

 

“We got some chocolate too!” Peyton added then, leaving their little circle so she could grab the bag of Dove chocolates from the counter.

 

Christen squeezed Tobin’s hip as soon as Peyton walked away, “ _Honey..._ ” she whispered.

 

“Flowers, for you, my dear.” Tobin grinned proudly.

 

“Thank you.” Christen murmured again quietly. “You made my day.”

 

“Good.” Tobin laughed and pecked Christen’s lips once. “That’s my job.”

 

Peyton brought the chocolate over and she and Christen both unwrapped a piece and ate it happily. The kid was about to go for her second piece until Tobin gently snatched the bag out of her hands.

 

“After dinner, bud.” She shook her head. “I don’t want you to ruin your appetite.”

 

“Fineee.” Peyton agreed less enthusiastically than she had been a moment ago.

 

“How do cheeseburgers from Bubba’s sound?” Tobin wondered then, knowing Peyton would be excited again in a second about her favorite drive-in restaurant.

 

“Yeah!” Peyton agreed. “Can we take them to the beach and eat there?”

 

“I don’t see why not.” Tobin nodded and then looked over at Christen for any objections.

 

Christen agreed instantly, because really, what could be better than cheeseburgers and fries on the beach before sunset with your favorite people in the world?

 

She was positive right then and there that she’d never had a Valentine’s Day quite as special as this one.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Vday, my lovely people :)


	21. Dress.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm spilling wine in the bathtub  
> You kiss my face and we're both drunk
> 
>  
> 
> Only bought this dress so you could take it off
> 
>  
> 
> .

“How many days this time?” Peyton wondered as she was looking up at Tobin, standing in between her and Christen next to Kelley’s car outside of the airport drop off lane.

 

“Six days, buddy.” Tobin answered her quickly. “We’ll be back Monday night.”

 

“Not till Monday?” Peyton whined slightly. “That’s a long time away.”

 

“It’ll go by so fast, dude. You and Kelley are gonna have so much fun together.” Tobin tried to counter Peyton’s sadness with a bit of optimism. “You can even stay up past your bedtime on Monday until we get home and tuck you in, okay?”

 

“Okay...” Peyton dropped her head a little in a pout for a moment. “I wish I could come.”

 

“I know you do, P.” Tobin murmured as she put her hand on Peyton’s shoulder and then pulled the kid into herself for a comforting hug. “If you didn’t have school, you know we’d bring you with.”

 

Peyton leaned into Tobin and hugged her with her arms around Tobin’s waist, latching on like she may never let go.

 

“We’re really gonna miss you, though,” Christen added as she set her purse down next to herself and squatted down to be eye level with Peyton. “Can you make sure to take good care of Reese for me while we’re gone? He is gonna want a whole bunch of kisses and cuddles from his best buddy.”

 

Peyton nodded in return as she let go of Tobin and turned to fall into Christen’s arms instead.

 

“He is gonna sleep with me every night,” Peyton explained once her chin was resting on Christen’s shoulder. “Auntie Kelley already said he could.”

 

Christen grinned and hugged her back. “That makes me happy because I know how much he loves sleeping with you. You’re his favorite.”

 

That made Peyton feel a little better.

 

“I know, because sometimes when I ask Reese who his best friend is, he always gives me kisses _right_ on my face.” Peyton mentioned proudly in response, thinking of the way she and Reese shared secrets in her bedroom sometimes when Tobin and Christen weren’t around.

 

Christen couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, he told me you’re his best friend too. I’m glad he has you here with him.

 

Peyton just hugged her a little tighter instead of saying anything else.

 

“I promise we’ll bring you back the best souvenir we can find.” Christen finally hummed. “I love you, sweetie.”

 

“I love you too.” Peyton returned before she dropped her arms from around Christen’s neck so the older woman could stand up.

 

Tobin put Christen’s bag in front of her on the cement and then bent down to hug Peyton too.

 

“Have Kelley call us whenever you want, okay? Even if you just wanna talk for a couple minutes, I’ll have my phone on me.”

 

“Okay.” Peyton agreed.

 

“Love you, bud. Be good and make sure Kelley spoils you this week.” Tobin winked.

 

“Can I ask her if I can skip school?” Peyton questioned a little more excitedly at Tobin’s words.

 

“Well, not that much spoiling.” Tobin laughed easily. “Maybe just, like, extra cartoons, or surfing every day after school or something?”

 

“I’ll think it over.” Peyton nodded seriously like she really would give it some thought.

 

“Awesome.” Tobin smiled as she kissed Peyton’s head and then stood up again.

 

“You got everything?” Kelley asked as she slammed her trunk closed and made her way around to the three of them on the curbside.

 

“I think so.” Tobin looked around to be sure. “Thanks so much, dude.”

 

“Yeah, thanks, Kel.” Christen seconded as she stepped in to hug Kelley quickly. “We really owe you for this.”

 

“I’ll just add it to your tab.” Kelley grinned and slung her arm over Christen’s shoulder quickly. “Have a blast and tell your friends I say hi. Especially Julie.”

 

“I will.” Christen chuckled and then stepped back again.

 

Kelley then jumped on Tobin for an animated hug, doing the most to annoy her best friend since she wouldn’t get to for almost a week.

 

“Enjoy your lover's vacation.” Kelley whispered teasingly just for Tobin to hear. “I hope you have lots of fun and even more sex.”

 

“I’ll try.” Tobin rolled her eyes and couldn’t help but laugh as they released their hold on each other before she turned to look at her girlfriend. “Ready, babe?”

 

“Yep.” Christen nodded and extended the handle of her rolling suitcase. “Love you guys. See you soon.”

 

Christen and Tobin slowly disappeared inside of the airport, watching as Kelley and Peyton drove off before they made their way to the counter to check their luggage and then found their gate to wait for boarding.

 

They only had to wait a half hour before they were walking down the jetway, finding their seats in first class thanks to Tobin’s insistence on upgrading them last week using some of the miles she’s racked up over the past couple years on surfing trips. Christen tried to protest when she suggested it, but Tobin wasn’t taking no for an answer, wanting them to start their vacation the best way possible.

 

Christen’s excitement was evident as soon as they were seated.

 

“I’ve never flown first class before.” She beamed, all but bouncing in her window seat in elation.

 

“Never?” Tobin’s eyebrows raised a little in surprise.

 

Christen wasn’t over-the-top fancy, but she liked nice things and for as much as she’s flown in her adult life, Tobin was sure she would have upgraded at some point before now.

 

“Nope..” Christen smiled. “Why, how many times have you?”

 

“Just, like, twice?” Tobin tried to remember, shrugging her shoulders a little when she wasn’t sure.  

 

“Oh,  _well excuse me_ , your highness.” Christen started to giggle, elbowing Tobin sarcastically. “The way you reacted I thought you were going to say a lot more than that.”

 

“Yeah, geez, what are you, some kind of peasant?” Tobin laughed back, grabbing Christen’s hand and lacing their fingers together.

 

“Maybe.. are you sure you’re willing to be seen up here with me?”

 

“I’m pretty sure I am.” Tobin grinned, “Just don’t tell anyone else that this is your first time.” she winked then.

 

Christen laughed again and leaned over to kiss Tobin’s cheek quickly before she sat back in her seat and looked out the window while the other passengers boarded the plane.

 

They sat there in silence for a couple minutes as Tobin played with the rings on Christen’s right hand before she leaned over into Christen’s space again.

 

“Can I tell you a secret?” She whispered quietly, waiting for Christen's attention before she continued.

 

Christen pulled her eyes away from where she was watching the baggage guys load the bottom of the plane out the window and nodded once she made eye contact with Tobin.

 

“I’m kinda nervous about this trip.” Tobin admitted. “Super excited, but also nervous.”

 

Christen reached her free hand down and squeezed Tobin’s knee gently, loving the bashful smile Tobin had on her face; and also loving that they could so easily admit things like that to each other now.

 

“How come?” Christen wondered without judgment.

 

“I don’t know, I just.. I want this to go well.” Tobin hummed honestly. “I’ve never really traveled with a girlfriend like this before and it’s a big deal to me. I know I met some of your friends when they visited, but that was here; and now we’re going to their turf, to a place where you’ve had a lot of memories and stuff… I don’t know, it’s kinda dumb, I guess…”

 

Tobin dropped her eyes to her lap almost shyly now.

 

“Babe, that’s not dumb.” Christen murmured lovingly. “I totally understand what you mean.”

 

“And I know that you’ll be busy with your friends and wedding stuff while we’re there so I don’t want you to worry about entertaining me or anything. I just want you to have fun.” Tobin lifted her eyes to meet Christen’s again. “This is your trip and I’m totally okay with just being along for the ride.”

 

“We’re gonna have fun together. It’s our trip, not mine.” Christen promised. “My friends are super excited that you’re coming with, they love you, and I am so excited to show you around my favorite city. I’m really looking forward to this... Don’t be nervous, okay?”

 

“Okay.” Tobin nodded and smiled more easily again. “I’m really am excited too. We’ve never had this much alone time together.”

 

Christen grinned right back and squeezed Tobin’s thigh again, this time a little higher on her leg.

 

“Can I tell  _you_ a secret?” She asked then.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin nodded back.

 

“I really hate flying.” Christen admitted. “You’re gonna have to hold my hand until take-off is over.”

 

“I can definitely do that.” Tobin grinned and brought Christen’s hand that she was already holding to her lips and slowly kissed each knuckle, looking over their linked hands with soft brown eyes directed right at her girlfriend.

 

Christen bit her lip and gazed right back.

 

Just then the first-class stewardess stopped at their row with a cheery smile. “Can I get either of you something to drink before we take off?”

 

“We’ll both take a glass of champagne, please.” Tobin grinned up at her before looking over at Christen again. “That should help with your nerves.”

 

“ _Ahh!_ , so fancy.” Christen laughed when the flight attendant nodded and walked away to retrieve their drinks.

 

She was back a moment later, setting two glass champagne flutes on both of their tray tables with another friendly smile.

 

“Cheers.” Tobin let go of Christen’s hand momentarily and raised her glass. “San Francisco here we come.”

 

All Christen could do was cheers her back, taking a long sip to quell the nerves and excitement she had inside of her. Already enjoying the long weekend ahead with some of her favorite people.

 

x

 

“Tobs, isn’t their backyard amazing?”

 

Christen scooted closer to Tobin on the L-shaped patio sofa in Zach and Julie’s backyard, moving enough that Julie could sit down next to her on the end and still have room to put her feet up on the coffee table in front of them.

 

“Yeah, it is.” Tobin agreed with a nod of her head as she looked around the small space. “It’s perfect back here.”

 

“Thank you.” Julie hummed kindly. “It’s probably our favorite part of the house, to be honest.”

 

Christen and Tobin had just gotten settled in for the night at Zach and Julie’s house in Bernal Heights, getting to their place a little earlier than expected after landing almost a half hour earlier than they were originally scheduled to.

 

Outside of Christen’s anxiousness during take-off, the flight had been fairly smooth. Tobin slept for over half of it while Christen finished a book and then watched a movie, and before they knew it, they were touching down in San Francisco, just after 9:30 PM.

 

Zach and Julie had been eagerly waiting for them in the cell phone lot and were there outside Door 6 of the arrivals gate as soon as Tobin and Christen had their luggage off the baggage carousel.

 

They made a quick stop at In-n-Out Burger on the way home and were just finishing up their burgers now as they all relaxed outside in the warm Northern California night.

 

“This is where Julie and Chris do all of their gossiping.” Zach laughed as he sat down on the other end of the sofa so he could look back at all three women. “Well, where they used to do all their gossiping... I guess now it’s Julie laid out here with the phone pressed to her ear, but you get the point.”

 

Christen ran her hand a little higher on Tobin’s thigh and shook her head as she looked up at her girlfriend who was sitting up a little higher than she was.

 

“He’s lying. We don’t gossip.” She grinned cunningly. “Do we, Jules?”

 

“Us? Never.” Julie giggled in return.

 

“Seriously though, I think your backyard might be my favorite place on earth.” Christen commented again after the conversation went quiet. “It’s just so cozy.”

 

The yard itself was practically non-existent. Instead, their small piece of fenced-in property was turned into a patio; a cement slab underneath a pretty patterned rug, with a coffee table and the large sofa on top of it, pushed up against the corner of the house. There were also white tea lights strung above them, zig-zagging back and forth between the house and the twelve-foot-high fence around their property, making the space practically feel like an extra room in the house when the weather was nice.

 

“Well, I’ve really missed having you here to share it with.” Julie sighed as she laid her head on Christen’s shoulder for a moment. “And you don’t know it yet, but I’m going to force you to stay. I already made Zach clear out the closet in the guest room so you’d have room to put your things.”

 

Zach and Christen both looked over at Tobin for a reaction as the brunette raised her eyebrows in response.

 

“We’ll send for Peyton, babe. Don’t worry about it.” Christen teased.

 

“Let’s just see how much fun I have this weekend before we go making any rash decisions.” Tobin smiled back at Julie jokingly. “Kauai would be hard to give up.”

 

“Ohhh, challenge accepted.” Julie laughed and she sat up from leaning on Christen again. “I promise we’re gonna show you the best time ever.”

 

“How about we start now, huh?” Zach joined in. “Can I get you guys a drink?”

 

He started to gather their empty burger wrappers and trash as he stood up from the sofa again, heading for the kitchen. 

 

“I’d definitely have a drink.” Christen agreed quickly. “Whatever you have is good.”

 

“She wants a Vodka Soda with a lime.” Julie instructed to Zach. “You got limes at the store earlier, right?”

 

“Yes, dear. I got limes.” Zach assured his wife. “I know how to follow a grocery list.”

 

He looked over at Tobin and rolled his eyes teasingly as they both started to laugh, knowing how their women could be.

 

“What about you, Tobin?” Julie just ignored him.

 

“I’d take a beer if you have one.” Tobin decided quickly, trying to be as easy as possible.

 

“One beer and one Vodka coming right up.” Zach repeated as he slid the screen door to the house open. “You want anything, babe?”

 

“No thanks.” Julie shook her head. “I’ve got my water for now.”

 

He disappeared inside as Christen looked over at Julie with a questioning look.

 

“She’ll have a Vodka Soda too.” Christen shouted through the screen at Zach, speaking for Julie.

 

“I’m good, I swear.” Julie shushed her.

 

“Have a drink with us!” Christen swatted her arm. “We’re only on vacation for five days, you know…”

 

“No, I really am good, I promise.”

 

They held eye contact in a silent exchange for a moment until Julie unwillingly broke into a suspicious smile without saying anything else.

 

Christen could tell there was a look of something in Julie’s eyes then, sitting up more from where she was leaning against Tobin as she tried to read her best friend’s face a little better.

 

They studied each other for a moment longer until Christen’s jaw dropped.

 

“SHUT UP!” She shouted, seemingly out of nowhere.

 

“What!” Julie laughed back as she put her hands up in the air. “I didn’t say anything!”

 

“You’re not drinking. Your skin is glowing and you can’t stop smiling!” Christen shouted again with a huge smile as she pointed at her. “You're pregnant.”

 

“What?” Tobin laughed at Christen’s accusation, having no idea how her girlfriend could have come to that conclusion.

 

Julie covered her face with both hands instead of answering her as Christen adjusted again, reaching to pull Julie’s hands back down.

 

“Julie Beth Ertz!” Christen squealed like she was sure of it. “Oh my gosh!”

 

Julie’s eyes were already tearing up as she started to laugh a little harder. Christen climbed halfway onto Julie’s lap and grabbed her face with both hands. “Are you?” she asked again excitedly.

 

Julie didn’t even consider denying it. She couldn’t when it was Christen looking back at her.

 

“I am.” Julie grinned happily. “I wanted to call you yesterday morning after I took the test but Zach convinced me that we should tell you in person instead. I’ve been dying for 36 hours now trying to hold it in. But holy shit, you figured that out fast.”

 

“You’re having a  _baby_!” Christen’s voice softened until she was just gushing, sinking down low enough on Julie’s lap so her head was resting on her shoulder. “I’m so happy for you guys!”

 

“Isn’t it so crazy?” Julie questioned as she wrapped her arms around Christen in return to hug her back, with Christen mostly sitting on top of her on the end of the sofa.

 

“Twenty minutes is all it took for you to figure it out?” Zach interrupted as he pulled the screen door open again and stepped out onto the patio with their drinks before Christen could respond. “I had ya at an hour but, wow… it’s actually frightening how well you two can read each other.”

 

Tobin got up and took her beer out of Zach’s hand and offered him a gentle pat on the shoulder. “Congrats man!” She smiled happily.

 

“Thank you.” He grinned.

 

Christen slid off of Julie then and stood up to give Zach a big hug as well, so excited for them she could barely contain her smile. “Seriously, I’m super happy for you guys. You’re gonna make the best parents ever.”

 

“Thanks, Christen.” Zach grinned, clearly overjoyed as well.

 

“Do the other girls know yet?”

 

“No, not yet. You’re literally the first two people we are telling, so please don’t say anything. We wanna wait until I actually go to the doctor and confirm it, but I couldn’t not tell you. I knew you’d figure it out right away anyway.”

 

“Well, I’m glad you did.” Christen grinned as she sat back down next to Tobin on the sofa. “Wow, I’m so excited.” She shook her head, clearly a little stunned by the news.

 

“Big changes are coming..” Julie half-sighed, naturally still unsure of what to expect yet. “But we’re very excited too. And you’re gonna be such a good Godmother, Chris.”

 

“ _Ahhh!_ ” Christen squealed again. “We really might be staying here now, honey.” She grabbed Tobin’s hand and gave it a shake.

 

“Wow, then I  _really_   _am_  gonna have to send for PJ.” Tobin winked. “Although, she could be the babysitter…”

 

They all chuckled together as Tobin’s phone started to ring, as if right on cue.

 

“Speaking of, there she is now.” Tobin hummed as she saw Kelley’s number pop up on a FaceTime request. “I’m gonna go inside and talk to her for a bit and see how her day was.”

 

“K, I’ll come join you in a few.” Christen grinned as Tobin got up to head inside. “Don’t hang up without me, please.”

 

“I won’t.” Tobin nodded.

 

Christen reached her hand out for Julie’s again as soon as Tobin had the door shut and gave her best friend a loving squeeze.

 

“Wow, I can’t wait to meet baby Ertz.”

 

x

 

Christen sat outside with Julie and Zach for a few more minutes before she got up and joined Tobin in the kitchen, wanting to catch up with Peyton for a bit before the kid had to go to bed.

 

An hour later, Tobin was lying under the covers in their room for the night as Christen came in and shut the door quietly, just having finished getting ready for bed in the bathroom down the hall.

 

She pulled her sleep shorts down and stepped out of them and then shut the light off before she crawled onto the bed in her oversized Stanford t-shirt and underwear.

 

“Hi, baby.” Tobin hummed through a yawn as she pulled the covers open and let Christen snuggle into her.

 

“Hi.” Christen smiled as she moved on top of Tobin.

 

It wasn’t overly late for them given the time change, but they wanted to get an early start on the day in the morning, so when Julie and Zach went to bed, so did Tobin and Christen.

 

“What are you smiling about?” Tobin wondered as she brushed Christen’s hair out of her eyes softly, adjusting underneath her girlfriend as Christen straddled her playfully.

 

“I don’t know.” Christen shrugged and smiled a little wider. “I’m just happy tonight.”

 

“Good.” Tobin laughed softly. “I like when you’re happy.”

 

“Me too.” Christen whispered as she reached down and locked her hands with Tobin’s hands. “I seriously can’t believe Julie is pregnant.”

 

“Yeah, that was an unexpected surprise for tonight.” Tobin agreed. “But it’s cool for them.”

 

Christen nodded softly as she made eye contact with Tobin.

 

“It feels kinda crazy… We used to talk about that all the time when I still lived here. Like, what it would be like for all of us to be married and having babies at the same time. And how our kids would be best friends because we’re best friends… I can’t believe Lauren, and now Julie, are actually at that point…”

 

“Well, you can always borrow PJ when you need a girls/kids day with them. It’ll just have to be long distance.” Tobin offered with a smile.

 

“Sounds good to me.” Christen laughed softly. “Peyton and I will have fun while they have to deal with diapers and crying babies at all that…”

 

They both grinned as Christen leaned down and kissed Tobin’s lips a few times before she sat back up a little.

 

Tobin looked at her for a long moment before she spoke again.

 

“Is that something you think you’ll still want someday?” She eventually murmured, asking the question before she had totally made up her mind to do so.

 

“What?” Christen wondered. “Babies?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I do... yeah,” Christen answered her slowly but truthfully. “Not that I’m in a huge rush or anything, but it’s a desire of mine down the line, when I’m married and all that…”

 

Tobin nodded silently.

 

“Is that something you’d maybe want someday?” Christen asked in return, trying not to sound nervous about what Tobin’s answer may be.

 

Tobin bit her bottom lip for a moment before she answered.

 

“With the right person, sure.” She finally hummed.

 

Christen wasn’t sure what to say to that so she just nodded instead.

 

“To be honest, I haven’t always pictured that in my future.” Tobin continued and then smiled softly. “But with you, it’s not hard to imagine.”

 

That made Christen smile, too.

 

“Good to know.”

 

Christen leaned down and kissed Tobin again, deeper this time. Slipping her tongue into Tobin’s mouth slowly as they enjoyed each other for a minute.

 

“Wanna have sex tonight?” Tobin questioned when Christen pulled back, already more than a little turned on by the way Christen had just been kissing her.

 

“Yeah, I do. Very badly.” Christen murmured as she grinded her hips down into Tobin in response.

 

“Wait, really?” Tobin raised her eyebrows like she wasn’t expecting that answer.

 

“Yes, really… I plan on having a lot of sex with you this weekend. Which means we have to start now.”

 

“ _Sweet_.” Tobin grinned excitedly.

 

“Why do you sound so surprised like I never put out for you?”

 

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just didn’t think you’d say yes tonight cause we’re just down the hall from Julie and Zach.”

 

“I don’t care. It’s not like they’re my parents...” Christen shrugged as she ran a hand through her hair. “You just better make sure I don’t get too loud.”

 

She grinned devilishly and then pushed herself all the way up so she was sitting upright on top of Tobin again and peeled her shirt over her head before she tossed it on the floor, now only in her underwear.

 

Tobin licked her lips as she reached up and palmed Christen’s breasts, messaging them gently as she felt Christen’s nipples harden underneath her touch.

 

“I hate to break it to you, baby.” Tobin husked out then. “But if you don’t care, then neither do I…”

 

She didn’t waste any more time flipping them over so Christen’s back was hitting the mattress, pulling Christen’s underwear down her legs and tossing them over her shoulder where her t-shirt had ended up a moment earlier; more than ready to get to work.

 

Christen returned the favor before they were both falling into a deep sleep, wrapped up in each other under the covers for the rest of the night.

 

x

 

They didn’t get as early of a start the next morning as they wanted to either, but eventually, they got up out of bed and had coffee with Julie on the patio and made a plan for the day.

 

Thursday was the only free day they were going to have without wedding activities, so Christen wanted to spend the day showing Tobin her favorite spots around San Francisco and Palo Alto.

 

Julie let them borrow her car while she went to work and they drove south first, down to Stanford’s campus so Christen could show Tobin where she spent four of the most important years of her adult life.

 

They parked along Palm Drive and then spent the late morning walking the whole campus together. First past Christen’s old sorority house, Kappa Alpha Theta, where she, Julie, Sofia, and Lauren spent their junior and senior years of college living; owning the beer pong tables when they weren’t owning the soccer fields.

 

Tobin couldn’t help but laugh as they stood in front of the old house on sorority row looking at Christen and shaking her head.

 

“I can’t believe I’m in love with a sorority chick,” she teased. “Twenty-year-old Tobin wouldn’t have been caught dead with a sorority girl. That woulda killed all my street cred.”

 

“Pshh.” Christen rolled her eyes knowingly. “Twenty-year-old Tobin woulda hit this so fast.” She pointed at herself with a confident smile. “Back then, I wore way less clothing than I do now...”

 

They both started laughing as Tobin imagined it.

 

“Alright, probably, but I wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone.”

 

“Whatever you need to tell yourself,  _baby_.” Christen whispered in Tobin’s ear and then playfully bit her earlobe just to drive Tobin a little crazy. She then stepped back and yanked on Tobin’s hand to keep them moving. “Come on, there’s more to see, my love.”

 

They made it across campus to the athletic complex after that, where Christen pointed out a giant picture of herself on the wall in the Women’s Soccer locker room that was put up after she graduated. In the picture, she was jumping on Lauren and smiling ear to ear, both of them celebrating with their hands in the air after Christen had just scored the game-winning goal against UCLA to send their team to the National Championship game their Junior year.

 

Tobin felt really proud looking at it. For as much as she’s accomplished in the surfing world, it was cool for her to see how much her girlfriend had accomplished as an athlete as well.

 

It almost felt like that was a whole different person than the one Tobin knew now.

 

“So.. we’ve got: hot sorority girl, nationally renowned college soccer star, Stanford double-major straight A student _slash_ huge nerd... “ Tobin listed off what she now knew of Christen’s past. “What else am I gonna learn about you, Christen Press?”

 

“Stick around and you just might find out.” Christen grinned with a shrug of her shoulders.

 

“Oh, I’m not going anywhere,” Tobin smirked as she pulled Christen in for a kiss. “We’re just getting started, honey.”

 

“Good.” Christen smiled as she cupped her hand on the back of Tobin’s neck and kissed her once more.

 

They grabbed lunch at a small diner on campus and then stopped at the bookstore on the way back to Julie’s car to buy Peyton a kid-sized Stanford Soccer t-shirt that would actually fit her, so she could wear it to school if she wanted.

 

Christen made Tobin get one too so that she could have her favorite sleep shirt back that Tobin stole six months ago and has refused to return since.

 

After they checked out, they were ready to head back towards the city. Christen still had a lot she wanted to show Tobin before it got dark out so they didn’t have a ton of time to waste.

 

Their next stop was Tobin’s favorite, which immediately made it Christen’s favorite, too, just because of how much fun it was to show her. Tobin had been asking Christen about it every day for two weeks now, making sure they’d have time to go check out one of the most iconic places that Tobin had ever read about. 

 

Maverick’s Beach at Half Moon Bay. Where fifty to sixty feet waves are the norm and surfers have to be legends, or crazy, to even try and surf them.

 

They sat on the beach for a while and watched a few gutsy souls tempt fate, most of them falling and getting buried in the swells, only to rise to the surface again after each mini panic attack that Christen would have because of how long it was taking for them to swim up.

 

Tobin was wishing she had her board and wetsuit with her, and Christen was glad she didn’t so that they didn’t have to fight about it, because there was no way she’d let Tobin out there while she was watching.

 

When Christen was able to pull Tobin away, they continued up the coast on Highway 1 until they reached the city again. They drove through the Marina District up towards Lombard Street so Christen could show Tobin the most crooked street in the world, and this time, Tobin was wishing she had her longboard with her so she could skate down it.

 

“Anything involving danger just draws you in, doesn’t it?” Christen questioned after Tobin mentioned it, both of them standing on top of the steep, one-block section of road while looking down at the eight hairpin turns below them.

 

“Danger is sexy, babe.” Tobin smiled as she pulled Christen in for a hug.

 

Rather than riding some sort of board down the street, Tobin settled for driving down it instead, taking the keys from Christen so she could be the one to navigate them and smiling like a kid the whole way until they reached the bottom.

 

From there, they drove across the Golden Gate Bridge with the windows down and the music blasting as Christen navigated for Tobin until they were pulling into the lookout on the north side of the bay, looking back at the city to the south.

 

The evening was perfect for it because the slight cloud cover above them turned the sunset into a perfect purple haze over the city in the distance.

 

Tobin parked the car and they both got out to take some pictures, snuggling in close for a few selfies before Tobin backed up and got a few pictures of the landscape too, posting one to Instagram right away.

 

“Peyton would love this sunset.” Christen murmured as they stood there and looked over the railing.

 

She was standing behind Tobin with her arms wrapped around her waist and her chin resting on her shoulder, holding her close to shield herself from the chilly wind coming off the water.

 

“Yeah, she would. I think we should call her and show her.”

 

Tobin pulled her phone out of her back pocket again and dialed Kelley on FaceTime. Peyton’s face popped up on the screen after a moment and she was smiling right at them with the camera a little too close to her face to actually see her clearly.

 

She had just gotten home from school and was having a snack before she started her homework so that she and Kelley could drive out to Poipu Poipu Beach and go stargazing once it got dark.

 

They spent a little while on the phone with her, showing her the Golden Gate Bridge and the sunset and promising they’d come back soon and bring her with so she could see it for herself.

 

Once it was completely dark outside, Tobin and Christen gave in and drove back into the city, needing to get ready for dinner and drinks with Zach and Julie and Sofia and Matt downtown for the rest of the night.

 

x

 

Friday morning Lauren and Sofia showed up at Julie’s house before breakfast to pick up Julie and Christen for a girls day out. They had a final dress fitting for Sofia scheduled for 10 am and then they were getting their nails done with the rest of the bridesmaids before lunch with Sofia’s mom and grandmother.

 

Tobin ended up spending the day with Zach and Matt and a few of the guys after they insisted she join them for a few rounds of Top Golf and some drinks while their girls did their thing.

 

She had a blast getting to know them all a little better and even kicked most of their asses at Top Golf, even though she hadn’t hit a golf ball in over ten years.

 

When they were done, Zach and Tobin went back to Zach and Julie’s house to grab their luggage and then got checked into their rooms at the hotel downtown where the wedding party was staying for the weekend.

 

Christen and Julie met up with them at the hotel before the Groom’s Dinner so they could shower and get ready before they all walked over to the restaurant together just a few blocks away.

 

It was a pretty casual dinner with the wedding party plus both of Sofia and Matt’s families all together. Tobin sat by Christen as they listened to speeches and stories from whoever wanted to talk and it was a great way for everyone to celebrate the soon-to-be-married couple with a small intimate group before the big day tomorrow.

 

Once the speeches were over, Tobin got up to get another round of drinks and then got pulled into a conversation with Sofia’s uncle about what life was like living in Hawaii, after he heard through the grapevine that’s where she was from.

 

She was kind enough to answer all of his questions before she was saved by Christen, just before the lull in conversation got awkward.

 

Christen was up at the front of the room with the rest of the wedding party, wagging her finger at Tobin and asking her to come over.

 

“What’s up?” Tobin smiled as she walked up to Christen and leaned in close to hear her over the noise.

 

“We’re gonna take a few couples pictures, so I need your services.” Christen explained as she linked her fingers with Tobin’s.

 

“Oh, okay.” Tobin nodded and looked around at everyone else. “Do you want me to take them or…?”

 

“No?” Christen shook her head and gave Tobin a look. “I want you to be in them... You know, cause you’re the other half of this couple...” She pointed back and forth between the two of them with a smile.

 

“Oh, right.” Tobin nodded with a grin.

 

“You’re such a dork sometimes.” Christen laughed and pulled her towards where the rest of the group was gathering.

 

After the pictures were done, most of the bride and groom’s families left until it was just the bridal party and their significant others holding court at the rooftop bar. 

 

They were all walking a very fine line between pleasantly buzzed and too drunk to get up early, so finally, Lauren convinced Sofia to call it a night, insisting that she wouldn't want to deal with a hangover on her wedding day.

 

Christen figured she and Tobin could take advantage of the rest of the night alone as she swiped a leftover bottle of wine from dinner and convinced Tobin to take her home.

 

They held hands as they walked the few blocks back to their hotel and rode the elevator up to their floor while trying their hardest to keep their hands off of each other.

 

Christen was kicking her heels off as soon as they were through the door, setting the wine down on the bathroom counter and pulling Tobin in. “Will you take a bath with me?” She murmured as she started to fill the bathtub, not really giving Tobin an option.

 

“Of course I will.” Tobin agreed instantly. “That actually sounds really nice.”

 

Tobin spun Christen around and her hands quickly worked to find the zipper of her dress, trying to get Christen naked as quickly as possible.

 

“I only bought this dress so you could take it off,” Christen whispered in Tobin’s ear once the black fabric was hitting the floor. “I figured if it was sexy enough you’d be dying to get me out of it.”

 

“You thought right.” Tobin hummed as she kissed along Christen’s collarbone and then bent down to pull her black lacy thong to the floor as well. “It’s all I’ve been thinking about all night.”

 

Christen got Tobin naked too and then dumped too many bubbles into the big Jacuzzi tub before they both climbed in with the bottle of wine.

 

Christen straddled Tobin as she leaned against the back of the tub, with the water just high enough to cover most of their bodies and keep them warm. Tobin then took a long swig right from the bottle before she set it down on the side of the tub and then leaned up to kiss Christen passionately.

 

They made out like that for a few minutes as Tobin’s hands started to roam before Christen pulled back and laid her head down on Tobin’s chest, letting her eyes shut, just wanting to feel her close for a bit.

 

“I can’t get over how happy I am...” Christen sighed after a moment as she kissed Tobin’s chest and neck above the water line, setting little fires with her lips and tongue all over Tobin’s skin. Going slow and not wanting to rush it.

 

Tobin smiled as she ran her hands over Christen’s back, down to her butt. “I’m so happy too.” She hummed as she kissed Christen’s forehead.

 

“It just feels so nice to be here, in my favorite city, and be completely happy again and head over heels in love.” She lifted her eyes to look up at Tobin again. “I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too, Chris,” Tobin whispered as she kissed her lips. “And I’m so lucky that I get to be here with you this weekend. It’s been so much fun.”

 

Christen grinned as she reached for the bottle of wine again, pulling it off the edge of the tub and trying to bring it to her lips. Her wet hands and tipsy self miscalculated the weight of the half-full bottle and before she knew it, it was splashing into the water with a big thud.

 

“Oh no!” Christen laughed as she sat up quickly, trying to recover the bottle before it spilled completely.

 

Tobin reached for it and pulled the glass bottle back up as they looked down and realized they were now sitting in a bathtub full of soapy red wine filled water.

 

“Oh my gosh,” she giggled as she slapped her hand over her mouth. “I’m so sorry, honey.”

 

Tobin was laughing just as hard as Christen was, shaking her head at how adorable her girlfriend was and kissing her face again.

 

“Babe, this is totally canceling out the point of a bath.” she teased, both of them too drunk to actually care anymore.

 

“We better get out then.” Christen smiled guiltily. “I’m ready to have sex with you anyway and I heard it’s bad for you to do it in the bathtub.”

 

Tobin busted out laughing again. “What? Why?”

 

“I don’t know!” Christen shrugged with a goofy smile on her face. “I don’t think water is supposed to get all up in there or something?”

 

“Alright…” Tobin shook her head but decided not to argue it further. She just stood up in the tub instead and stepped over the edge to grab a towel to dry off and then held one out for Christen too.

 

Christen made sure to set her alarm before she took her time with Tobin in bed until they couldn’t keep their eyes open anymore.

  
x

 

She was pretty thankful the wine had spilled when it did the night before as she opened her eyes to her alarm at 7 am. Tobin’s head was buried under one of the pillows and she didn’t move a muscle as Christen silenced her phone and then sat up to get her bearings about her.

 

She could feel a slight pound in her head from the alcohol but with the help of a couple ibuprofen, she knew it wasn’t anything she couldn’t shake.

 

She moved the empty bottle of wine off of the bathtub ledge and showered quickly, throwing on a pair of shorts and a button up shirt that she could easily change out of later when her hair was finished.

 

Christen then sat down on the edge of the bed after she was dressed and leaned down to kiss Tobin, trying to get her attention before she left.

 

“Babe, I’m going to meet the girls for hair and makeup.” She murmured softly as she rubbed Tobin’s back. “I’ll see you at the church, okay?”

 

She knew that Tobin already knew the plan and that Christen would be busy all morning, but she just wanted to confirm again anyway.

 

“Kay..” Tobin mumbled with her eyes barely open. “I can’t wait to see you later, pretty girl.”

 

“I can’t wait to see you either.” Christen smiled and pecked Tobin’s lips again.

 

Tobin rolled over and fell back asleep as soon as she heard the hotel door shut.

 

x

 

The day leading up to the ceremony was a whirlwind for Christen and the girls as they all got their hair and makeup done before they got their bridesmaid dresses on and then did everything they could to pamper Sofia and calm her nerves before the ceremony started.

 

Sofia was a stunning bride, just like they all knew she would be, and Matthew looked very handsome in his black tux and bowtie as he stood up at the altar and waited for his bride-to-be.

 

Christen couldn’t help but tear up at the way Matt cried when Sofia came down the aisle with her father, loving how totally in-love they looked in that moment.

 

The ceremony was quick and perfect and so filled with love as the bride and groom read their vows and then kissed as the Pastor pronounced them Man and Wife.

 

After that, it was one big celebration.

 

The bridal party and their significant others all hopped on a party bus and rode around the city for an hour, dancing and drinking their way to the reception hall before they were introduced by the DJ for the night as they entered the building before dinner.

 

Tobin sat with Zach and some other friends while Christen sat at the Head Table, but they checked in with each other as soon as dinner was over before the wedding dance started.

 

“Are you ready to watch me bust a move?” Christen wondered as she sat down next to Tobin and reached under the table to grab her hand.

 

“Heck yeah.” Tobin smiled as she wrapped her arm around Christen’s chair and pulled her a little closer. “Are you nervous?”

 

The bridal party had been working on one of those choreographed dances for a couple weeks now, and it was about to start as soon as the dishes were cleared from the tables by the waitstaff.

 

“I’m a little nervous, yeah.” Christen nodded and then held her glass of wine up. “Thankfully this’ll help though. I feel bad for Julie cause she can’t drink to make this any more bearable.”

 

“Don’t worry, it’ll be over before you know it.” Tobin encouraged with a wink.

 

A few minutes later the DJ was inviting the bridal party to the dance floor to get the real party started. Christen kissed Tobin and then downed the rest of her wine as she stood up and followed Lauren and Julie to the dance floor to take their positions.

 

The lights in the whole reception hall went out and then Pitbull and Kesha’s song ‘ _Timber’_ started blaring through the speakers just as the lights came back on in dramatic fashion.

 

Christen couldn’t help but sing along through the whole thing, making eye contact with Tobin several times, who was losing her shit at the edge of the dance floor while videoing the whole thing on her phone.

 

Tobin was pretty sure she had never laughed that hard by the time the song was done, but she was also pretty impressed with how well everyone did.

 

For as dumb and funny as it was, everyone in the bridal party was really good sports about it.

 

 _Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for your bridal party!!_ The DJ echoed through the microphone as the song came to an end, pausing his words as the rest of the guests clapped and cheered together.

 

Christen danced her way off of the dance floor with Julie, both of them holding hands and weaving through a few tables as they approached Tobin again, who was still laughing to herself.

 

“How’d we do?” Christen wondered with a giddy laugh, her third glass of wine more than doing its job to give her a good buzz now.

 

“You did awesome.” Tobin complemented as she wrapped her arm around Christen as soon as they came to a stop right in front of her. “You looked really hot and you nailed every move, as far as I could tell.”

 

“I tried.” Christen grinned as she wrapped her free arm around Tobin’s waist in return and then leaned in and pecked her lips quickly.

 

“And how about me?” Julie questioned teasingly, waiting for Tobin to compliment her as well.

 

“So good!” Tobin chuckled as Christen leaned back again. “Great job you two.”

 

“You can get in here with us, Jules.” Christen smiled, pulling Julie closer until they were standing in a close triangle. “Tobs, hug her too.” She insisted then. “I can’t leave my best friend out for my girlfriend.”

 

“I got you both, don’t worry.” Tobin responded as she reached her free arm up and wrapped it around Julie’s shoulders too, pulling the two best friends into herself as they all laughed a little harder.

 

They stood there like that for a moment until they all dropped their arms from each other again as Julie turned around to find the glass that she had set down before the dance started.

 

She picked up an empty one on the table behind them and then spun back around to look at Christen and Tobin once more.

 

“I’m gonna go get some more water, do either of you want another drink?” Julie shook the empty glass back and forth in question.

 

“Ohhh, yes, please.” Christen nodded, completely ready to keep her buzz rolling.

 

“K, be right back.” Julie hummed.

 

She took two steps away from the couple before her eye line caught the door to the reception hall open and then close again, making her stop in her tracks when she saw a group of three guys walk in.

 

She spun back towards Christen immediately.

 

“Ouch.” Christen whined, grabbing her arm as Julie pinched the back of it. “Why are you pinching me?”

 

“Y _ou know who_ just walked in.” Julie whispered into Christen’s ear, just quiet enough that Tobin couldn’t hear her.

 

“Who?” Christen asked in a slight confusion, obviously not knowing who Julie meant.

 

“Dominic.” Julie whispered again before she leaned back a little, looking Christen right in the eyes.

 

Tobin was standing with her back to the door, still holding onto Christen in a half embrace, looking at her girlfriend’s face to try and gauge what they were whispering about all of the sudden.

 

It was easy for her to notice the exact moment that Christen’s face fell once she spotted who Julie was referring to.

 

“What the fuck is  _he_ doing here?” Julie scoffed in another whisper. “Sof doesn’t want him here. Nobody does.”

 

Christen let out a shallow breath to try and compose herself. She wasn’t going to make this a big deal.

 

“I’ll be right back.” Julie turned to walk off with a red-hot look on her face towards where Zach was sitting a few tables away with some of their other friends.

 

“What’s wrong?” Tobin whispered softly as she squeezed Christen’s hip.

 

“My ex just showed up with a couple of his friends.” Christen answered her honestly, dropping her eyes to Tobin’s chest like she didn’t want to give him another glance in the doorway.

 

Tobin tried to turn her head to look at who Christen was referring to but her line of vision was blocked by a few people passing by behind their table that were heading towards the dance floor.

 

“It’s fine.” Christen spoke quietly as she took a deeper breath, almost like she was talking out loud to herself rather than to Tobin. “Let’s just go get another drink. I don’t care about him at all.”

 

“Okay...” Tobin nodded as she turned her head back towards Christen. “Yeah, let’s go to the bar.”

 

Christen turned around as soon as Tobin let her arm drop from her waist and walked to the table where they had left their wine glasses, wanting to grab them before they headed for the bar again.

 

Christen picked up both glasses as Tobin followed her through the tables, weaving in and out of the strewn about chairs towards the back of the room.

 

She glanced to her left as she walked and saw Zach escorting her ex, Dominic, and his two friends back out of the reception hall towards the lobby, all of them talking with slightly animated actions. Almost like they were on the verge of an argument.

 

Tobin had been watching them too, stopping in her path behind Christen to get a better look without really thinking about it.

 

Christen didn’t even notice that Tobin was no longer following her until she came to a stop at the back of the bar line, turning around to find that her girlfriend was now halfway across the room and heading towards the lobby doors herself, instead of right behind Christen like she’d thought.

 

“Tobin!” Christen shouted once, trying to get her girlfriend’s attention and having no success over the loud music that was playing from the DJ booth.

 

“ _Damn it._ ” She sighed, setting their wine glasses down on the nearest table before she was heading in the direction that Tobin was walking; right towards the exit that Zach and the guys had just left out of.

 

Zach came back inside the ballroom alone just before Tobin reached those same double doors.

 

Christen watched as Tobin kept on her way, pushing the doors open and disappearing out of them without a single word to Zach or Julie who were standing right there.

 

“What is she doing?” Julie wondered once Christen reached them.

 

“I have no idea.” Christen shrugged as she kept moving too, finally reaching the double doors and pushing them open to step out into the lobby.

 

She heard Tobin’s loud shout as soon as the door swung shut behind her, drowning out all of the music and loud people inside of the reception ballroom.

 

“ _Dom!_ ” Tobin’s voice practically echoed off the walls with how empty the lobby was.

 

Christen could tell there was at least a hint of anger in it, making her nervous instantly. She didn’t want a fight at Sofia and Matt’s wedding, of all places.   

 

Christen’s ex turned around at the sound of his name, just as his friends were exiting the building out onto the sidewalk ahead of him. He did a double take when he saw who it was that had yelled his name and then blushed furiously like he had just been caught doing something he shouldn’t have.  

 

Christen wasn’t sure what Tobin was doing. She wasn’t even sure how Tobin knew which of the three guys her ex was, but she didn’t have a good feeling about any of it as soon as she saw Dominic’s reaction to Tobin.

 

“Tobin, please don’t.” Christen shouted from a distance as she tried to reach her girlfriend. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

 

Tobin came to a stop in front of Dominic, looking at him with fire in her eyes as he cleared his throat.

 

“Tobin.” Christen tried again as she finally reached them, coming to a standstill behind her girlfriend who had her fists clenched at her sides.

 

The sound of Christen’s voice caught Dominic’s attention as he lifted his eyes from Tobin to look over her shoulder. “Christen… hey.. I ah, I wasn’t sure you’d be here tonight since you moved...”

 

The mention of Christen’s name seemed to have snapped Tobin out of whatever angry trance she was in too as she finally turned her head around to look at her girlfriend just momentarily.

 

“Please leave.” Christen begged to Dominic, looking past Tobin without another thought. “I don’t want to do this tonight.”

 

“You don’t wa- ..?” Tobin’s head snapped back slightly before she turned back to look at Dominic again.

 

“How..” She pointed at him, stunned, and then turned back to look at Christen again. “How do you...?”

 

“Dominic is my ex-boyfriend.” Christen explained in a slow and steady voice, watching as Tobin glanced back and forth between both of them several times.

 

“No, he’s…” Tobin shook her head quickly like she wasn’t willing to believe that.

 

“Hey, Tobin.” Dominic was finally able to speak as he cleared his throat a second time. “It’s been a long time... What are you... doing here? … This is crazy.”

 

“She’s here with me.” Christen explained quickly as if she was the only one able to form complete sentences, skipping right over the fact that her ex-boyfriend and current girlfriend seemed to have some sort of connection that she was unaware of.

 

Tobin finally turned around completely to look at Christen, her face unreadable and completely pale now.

 

“Dom is... He’s…” Tobin stuttered again, pointing her thumb behind herself at him.

 

“Yeah.” Christen nodded, like she was reconfirming to Tobin that he was the one who broke her heart. “Let’s just go back inside, Tobs.”

 

“No, he’s not.” Tobin shook her head again. “No… no, no, no, no… He’s… Jessie…”

 

Her words were coming out choppy and she couldn’t stop shaking her head back and forth, like her brain couldn’t catch up to any of this.

 

“Wait, are you saying th--.” Tobin stopped suddenly like it just now all clicked into place.

 

Her voice went thin as she pointed at Christen. “You’re the girl he left her for?..”

 

“Who?” Christen asked slowly again, not understanding what Tobin was so stunned about.

 

“Jessie.” Tobin croaked out. “He’s… this is your ex?”

 

“Yeah.. ah..” Dominic finally laughed awkwardly. “How is Jessie?... It’s  _super wild_ seeing you here..”

 

Tobin spun around quickly when he asked it, suddenly able to get all of her words to form just fine.

 

 _“How is she?!”_ Tobin shouted, taking another step towards Dominic so they were practically chest to chest now.  _“She’s fucking dead, that’s how she is! You wouldn’t know anything about that though, would you? You just fucking left!”_

 

“Tobin!” Christen shouted and reached out for her. “What are you talking about?”

 

“No. Don’t.” Tobin ripped her arm back from Christen as soon as she felt her hand. “You’re his ex?” She asked again.

 

 _“Yes..”_  Christen nodded. “What is going on, babe?”

 

It seemed to Christen like Tobin was suddenly going a little crazy.

 

“You’re the reason he left her?” Tobin asked again, this time looking back at Christen like she was a complete stranger all of a sudden.  

 

“Who? What are you talking about?” Christen gulped, all of the air going out of her lungs at Tobin’s accusation. “Come here, Tobs. Please calm down.”

 

“Jessie!” Tobin shouted at her. “He’s the fucking one! .. _oh my god_ … did you already know about this?!”

 

There was a short pause between all three of them as the ballroom doors pushed open and then closed again, none of them even bothering to look over and see who had joined them in the lobby.

 

 _“Oh my god_.” Tobin gasped again when Christen didn’t answer her immediately.

 

She could suddenly feel her hands shaking wildly as she clenched her fists at her side again. She started to back up from in between them both, slowly moving towards the outside doors while looking at Christen as if she was almost repulsed by her all the sudden.

 

“Jessie and…” Christen murmured as Tobin’s broken words finally clicked into place for her, turning to look back at Dominic again.

 

_Sophomore year. His summer abroad in Maui. He’d mentioned it a few times. They even vacationed there together three summers ago because of it._

 

“You already know Tobin?” She shouted at him. “You were with Jessie??!”

 

Tobin didn’t wait for Dominic to answer, she just pushed into the doors with her back and disappeared out of them, her breaths coming short and fast as her heart started to race.  

 

She was pretty sure she was having a panic attack.

 

 _“Tell me!”_  Christen yelled at him again, completely losing her cool now too.

 

He jumped a little at how angry Christen was. He had truly never seen her like this. Not even the night she came home to find another woman in their bed with him. This was a whole nother level.

 

“Before you..” He nodded, “Jesus, we weren’t together then, okay? What’s the big deal?”

 

Christen opened her mouth to shout at him again when the last thing truly clicked into place about what this all meant.

 

She gasped as soon as it hit her.

 

 _Peyton_.

 

“Oh my god, I’m gonna be sick.”

 

She looked up at the man she spent five years of her life with and blinked slowly as her mind processed everything. She was pretty sure she could feel her heart break again in that moment, even if it wasn’t for herself this time.

 

“You’re disgusting.” She finally seethed at him with venom on her lips. “I have no idea how you can live with yourself. I will  _never_ forgive myself for being with you.”

 

Without another word, Christen was backing away from him too, pushing the doors of the venue open and stepping out into the night to try and find Tobin. Nothing else mattered to her but that.

 

The street was busy with cars and taxis out front of the reception hall but the sidewalk in front of her was empty, except for Tobin’s figure, already halfway down the block.

 

“Tobin, wait!” Christen shouted as she kicked off her heels and started to jog after her.

 

Tobin was already flagging down a taxi cab.

 

“Tobin. Please, wait.” Christen tried a second time.

 

Tobin finally stopped walking and turned around as Christen got a little closer. Christen could see the tears in her girlfriend’s eyes, even from a few feet away.

 

She looked so broken.

 

“Don’t, Christen.” Tobin barely whispered as she shook her head. “Leave me alone.”

 

“Talk to me, please,” Christen begged. “I’m sorry that you’re upset.”

 

Her voice cracked as she said it.

 

“You’re sorry?!” Tobin yelled again as the taxi came to a stop on the curb at the intersection right in front of them. “You were with him when he should have been there for Jessie! And for Peyton! And now Peyton has nobody because of it!”

 

“Tobin.. Listen to me, please.” Christen pleaded again, trying to calm Tobin down once more. “Talk to me. I didn’t know. I would  _never_ have done that. You know that.”

 

“I can’t believe I was so stupid...” Tobin whispered as she shook her head, not listening to a single word Christen was saying as she turned to walk towards the taxi. “Why did I leave Peyton to come here? I should have never come here.”

 

Christen stood there in place as Tobin finally took a few more steps up the sidewalk, leaving her girlfriend rooted in her spot.

 

“Please don’t walk away from me...” Christen begged again as a quiet sob escaped her lips. “We need to talk about this. You promised we’d always talk things through.”

 

Tobin turned around just as she reached the taxi and looked completely crushed and defeated, like she was completely alone in a foreign city and looking back at a total stranger now.

 

“I need to go.” Tobin husked out brokenly. “Peyton needs me. I’m all she has and she needs me… we can’t count on anyone else.”

 

She ran a hand through her hair and then pulled open the back door of the cab.

 

“That’s not true.” Christen cried, giving it one last attempt. “You have me.”

 

“I have you?!... I feel like I don’t even know you!...” Tobin wiped her tears away again as she sat down in the back seat. “I’m going home to Peyton.”

 

They made eye contact for a split second as Tobin reached for the door handle, and just like that, she pulled the door shut behind herself, blocking out Christen’s sobs as they came faster and stronger in the middle of the sidewalk.

 

Christen watched from her spot as the taxi pulled away from the curb with Tobin inside of it. Both of their worlds shattered again in an instant.

 

She could feel her knees starting to give out, knowing she was on the verge of melting to the ground, when she felt two arms wrap around her waist to hold her up.

 

“I’ve got you.” Julie whispered from behind her best friend.

 

Everything else inside of her felt numb.

 


	22. Dancing With Our Hands Tied.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'd kiss you as the lights went out  
> Swaying as the room burned down  
> I'd hold you as the water rushes in  
> If I could dance with you again
> 
>  
> 
> .

 

“I’ve got you.”

 

Christen realized there was a pair of arms around her waist as she registered Julie’s voice in her ear at the same time. Saving her just before her body weight gave out completely and she let gravity take over.

 

Her sobs were coming too fast to handle and she could feel her head starting to get dizzy like she wasn’t getting enough oxygen, but she didn’t know how to get herself under control again, either.

 

She felt like she just couldn't.

 

She felt helpless.

 

“Try to breathe for me, Chris.” Julie urged in a soft voice. Being the rock that Christen needed at this moment. “It’s okay. I’m here. I just need you to breathe for me. It’ll be okay.”

 

Julie kept her arm latched around Christen’s back as she slowly moved around to the front of her, trying to reposition herself so she could hold her best friend up a little easier while standing in heels, without both of them crashing to the sidewalk.

 

“Tobin knows me...” Christen finally gasped out through another sob, her voice thick with saliva from how hard she was crying. “I didn’t know... she has to believe me…”

 

“Breathe, Chis,” Julie whispered again, rubbing Christen’s back with an open hand as Christen buried her face into Julie’s shoulder and just let herself cry.

 

Julie slowly walked them backwards towards the brick building so she could lean against it and support their weight a little easier as Christen clung to her for dear life.

 

She could feel Christen’s tears running down her bare shoulder, hitting her skin there and pooling at the top of where her strapless bridesmaid dress started.

 

She wasn’t sure how long they stood like that, Julie comforting Christen’s cries as she hugged her tightly, before she tried again to get Christen to calm down.

 

“Take a deep breath for me, okay?” Julie pulled back enough so Christen would lift her head and look at her face. “In..” she sucked in a breath, “..and out… in… and out.”

 

Christen did her best to mimic Julie’s actions, taking a moment to physically try and still her body so she could calm down, concentrating hard on her breathing like she’d learned through many meditation sessions over the years.

 

Julie nodded along with her and did it again, enough times until Christen’s heart rate was actually slowing down and she could stand on her own.

 

“That’s good.” Julie whispered, “That’s really good… It’s okay, Chris. Talk to me.”

 

“It’s not true, right?” Christen’s voice cracked as tried to speak again, just when she’d gotten herself calmed down. “It can’t be true…  “

 

She shook her head as the reality of what they’d just discovered was hitting her for a second time in that moment, like she was still trying to convince herself the past five minutes had actually happened.

 

“I don’t know, babe.” Julie sighed as she reached up and wiped the tears from Christen’s cheeks with both thumbs. “I can’t tell you everything you want to hear right now but I can tell you that it’s gonna be okay.”

 

“How?” Christen let her head drop as she shook it again. “How is this possibly going to be okay?”

 

Julie couldn’t do anything but offer Christen a sad smile and a shrug, because right now, she truly didn’t know either. All she wanted was for her best friend to not hurt so much.

 

“ _Dominic is Peyton's dad?_ ” Christen said out loud again like she was asking some sort of rhetorical question as she sucked in a ragged breath. “No..” she shook her head. “No, this is not how this works. This is _not_ how it’s supposed to go...”

 

Christen let go of Julie and crouched down into a squatting position on the sidewalk to bury her head in her knees for a long moment, trying to wish away all of the bad things that were surrounding her.

 

“Fuck. There is no way...” She whispered to herself, shutting her eyes tightly as she tried to connect the dots in her mind; trying to make any sense of this.

 

Christen let herself imagine Peyton then; that bright smile the kid had that she loved so much. And the way her chocolate brown eyes lit up every time they saw each other.

 

It suddenly made sense to Christen why those brown eyes felt so familiar to her so quickly, like they’d known each other forever.

 

They were exactly like Dominic’s.

 

Christen felt another wave of nausea wash over her at that realization.

 

She lifted her head and looked up at Julie above her again. “ _Tell me this isn’t happening_ …” She begged, although she knew there was no denying it now.

 

Tobin had put the pieces together for her and now she couldn’t see anything else in her mind except for all of Peyton’s features that resembled her ex’s.  It was almost so obvious now that she wasn’t sure how she ever missed it.

 

Julie reached her hand out for Christen and pulled her back to her feet, unable to offer her anything but another hug. No fake words were going to fix this right now, she just needed to be there for her best friend.

 

“I’m so sorry.” Julie whispered as they held on tight to each other, swaying back and forth just slightly in the warm evening breeze.

 

“Poor, sweet, Peyton…” Christen sighed as she ran a hand over her forehead. “ _Ughhh, God_ …. And Tobin… Tobin is never going to get over this.” Her voice cracked a second time when she thought of the other part of this again. “She is so mad at me.”

 

“She will get over it, babe.” Julie countered quickly. “She loves you. I’m sure she just needs some time to process this.”

 

“You don’t understand.” Christen shook her head sadly. “When it comes to Peyton, Tobin doesn’t just process things and move on... _Fuck... I can’t lose her…_ I need her. I need them both.”

 

Christen buried her face in her hands again, trying to push away the sadness and stress she could feel building inside of her until someone cleared their throat on the sidewalk next to them.

 

“Babe?” Zach had approached them quietly and his voice was soft like he wishing he didn’t have to interrupt them at the moment.

 

Christen dropped her hands to her sides again as they both turned to look at him.

 

Zach didn’t wait for Julie to respond before he reached out and put a hand on Christen’s shoulder and offered her a comforting squeeze. “Are you okay, Chris?”

 

Christen felt another round of tears form in her eyes at how much he genuinely cared for her, and all she could do was shrug instead of answering him. If she spoke again right now, she’d definitely start crying again.

 

Zach was truly one of the good ones. _One of the great ones._

 

Dominic had been his best friend before this mess; the four of them were inseparable when Christen was in town. But after everything went down, Zach got rid of Dominic without a second thought, and Christen wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to explain how much having him on her side meant.

 

And it was more than just him being Julie’s husband and therefore obligated to. He really was one of Christen’s best friends, too.

 

“I don’t mean to bother you guys, but Sofia is kinda wondering where you two are at.” Zach finally spoke. “She wants to know why you aren’t out there dancing with her and I wasn’t sure what to tell her.”

 

For the last ten minutes, Christen had kind of forgotten they were even at Sofia and Matt’s wedding.

 

“Shit.” Christen murmured. “We need to go back in there…”

 

“I can tell her something came up if you need to go find Tobin…” Zach offered then, not wanting to force either of them back inside when they weren’t prepared.

 

“No.” Christen husked out before she cleared her throat. “No, I’m not gonna leave and let this drama ruin their wedding night. I would never forgive myself for that. They only get this once and we need to be here for them.”

 

“Are you sure, Chris?” Julie asked skeptically. “You know Sof will understand. This isn’t exactly small news...”

 

“Tobin won’t talk to me right now, anyway,” Christen whispered as she swallowed the lump in her throat. “I’ll have to find her at the hotel later and pray that she gives me a chance to explain… This isn’t something she’s just going to work through tonight.”

 

“Okay.” Julie agreed. “Take your time, we can go in when you’re ready.”

 

Christen nodded and then took a few deep breaths before she turned to look at Julie straight on again. “How’s my makeup?”

 

“It’s um…” Julie thought about lying until she let out a soft smile. “It’s honestly a mess.”

 

That made Christen smile just a little too as she reached up and ran both hands under her eyes, knowing her mascara was surely all over her face by now from how hard she’d been crying.

 

“I’ve got plenty of reinforcements in my purse though.” Julie murmured as she wiped a black streak off of Christen’s cheek. “Let’s go to the bathroom, we’ll have you looking gorgeous again in no time.”

 

Zach gave them both a warm smile and reached a hand out for Julie and a hand out for Christen and all three of them turned around to head back towards the lobby together. When they reached the doors, Zach let go of Christen’s hand and the door open as Christen and Julie walked through ahead of him.

 

“I’ll be out here when you’re done.” Zach promised as Julie grabbed her purse from the small closet where the wedding party had left their stuff when they’d gotten off the party bus before dinner.

 

The two women spent several minutes in the bathroom reapplying their makeup and making sure Christen was composed enough to head back to the dance before they were exiting the bathroom again, back out to the lobby.

 

As soon as they were out of the bathroom they both registered Zach standing in the middle of the room with his back to them, having a heated conversation with someone.

 

Christen’s heart sank again when she quickly realized it was Dominic.

 

Apparently, he hadn’t left yet.

 

Dominic noticed that they were out of the bathroom again at practically the same time, looking over Zach’s shoulder and trying to get her attention. “Chris, we need to talk.”

 

“Get the fuck away from me.” Christen shook her head as she felt Julie wrap an arm around her shoulder. “I have nothing to say to you.”

 

The two women veered off to their right, back towards where the reception hall was, unwilling to give him another glance.

 

Christen was trying to be strong now that she had just gotten herself put back together and she couldn’t face him again right now.

 

“Come on, Christen.” Dominic tried again as he turned to watch them walk away. “You and I both know you need to hear my side of the story...”

 

Julie scoffed and stopped in her tracks as she spun around to face him. She dropped her arm from around Christen and took off towards Dominic without a second thought.

 

“You son of a bitch.”

 

She pointed right at him, striding right up to him until they were toe-to-toe before she reached up with an open hand and slapped him hard across the face.

 

“You don’t get to ruin her life anymore, you piece of shit!”

 

The sound of the slap made both Christen and Zach flinch a bit.

 

Dominic slowly reached up and covered his jaw with his hand as he turned back to look at them again from where his face had turned during the impact of Julie’s slap. 

 

Everyone was silent for a long moment, almost like they were all shocked by what Julie had just done.

 

Zach reached out then and pulled his wife back by the shoulders until she was no longer standing in between Christen and Dominic, putting himself halfway in front of Julie as a precaution.

 

Dominic was the first one to speak again.  

 

“I didn’t know, okay…” He dropped his hand again and looked at Christen almost guiltily. “We had already broken up when I found out she was pregnant and she never even told me if she was keeping the baby or not. How was I supposed to know that she did?”

 

“And you never once thought about following up on it?” Christen questioned, her voice wavering slightly. “Seriously, Dominic? _Jesus._ Don’t you think that’s maybe something you’d wanna be sure of? Oh wait, of course you wouldn’t... you’re so fucking selfish.”

 

“I was leaving! I had to come back to school...” He dug his hands into the pockets of his dress pants and shrugged his shoulders, having half a thought to look somewhat sorry now. “When I didn’t hear from her again I just assumed she’d made up her mind…”

 

“And so you just went on living your life….” Christen rolled her eyes. “Why am I not surprised?”

 

She’d had enough of listening to his pathetic excuses and she had a wedding dance to get back to, whether she was really ready for it or not.

 

Christen spun around to walk away from him before she stopped again and looked at him one more time, needing to say one more thing before she could be done with him completely.

 

“She’s eight now, you know.” She glared at him with her hands clenched at her sides. “She’s a smart and funny and perfect eight-year-old, and she’s the most loving kid I’ve ever met, and you know what the best part is? The best part is she’s _nothing_ like you.” She laughed humorlessly. “And I’ve never been more thankful for anything in my entire life.”

 

And with that, she reached her hand out for Julie and waited for her best friend to join her as they walked away, pulling the doors of the reception hall open and disappearing inside where the loud music played and Sofia and Matt were celebrating.

 

The rest of it would have to wait until later.

 

x

 

A silent stream of tears soaked Tobin’s cheeks as she moved hurriedly through their hotel room, throwing everything she could find that was hers into her suitcase.

 

She couldn’t even bother to fold anything, she didn’t have time for that.

 

The taxi was still waiting outside, after all, and she told him she’d be right back.

 

She picked up the Stanford t-shirt that Christen had bought her on Thursday and looked at it for a split second, contemplating on what to do with it before she tossed it back on the bed and zipped her suitcase closed, hauling it to the door as she dropped her room key in front of the tv without looking back again.

 

She made it through the lobby and back outside quickly and tossed her luggage into the trunk of the taxi before she got into the backseat again and slammed the door shut.

 

The ride to the airport was silent. Tobin couldn’t do anything but try to stop crying as she browsed her phone for flights. Trying to get herself together at least enough that she wouldn’t seem like a total mess inside of the airport.

 

The taxi driver was kind enough to turn the music up just a touch so that they could pretend like it wasn’t happening.

 

Once she was dropped off at SFO, Tobin stepped to the Hawaiian Airlines counter and attempted to offer up a smile to the airline attendant who was working. It didn’t really work, but the lady was also gracious in ignoring that fact.

 

“I need a ticket to Kauai. The first one you have.” Tobin rasped out without any other greeting. Her voice barely understandable now as she put her luggage up on the scale to check it.

 

“Can I see your ID, please?” The attendant smiled back at her as Tobin handed it over.

 

She clicked a few things on the computer before looking over the screen at Tobin again.

 

“Okay, let’s see here… I have a 12:50 am flight to Maui that has a couple seats left on it. We can get you a connection to Kauai from there if that works. Otherwise, a direct flight to Lihue doesn’t leave until mid-morning tomorrow.”

 

“Connecting is fine.” Tobin whispered immediately, handing over her credit card without giving it any more thought. She just needed to get out of here as soon as possible.

 

The attendant ran her credit card and printed her boarding pass, and a minute later, she was handing both of them back to Tobin with a subdued smile, noticing the sadness on Tobin’s face a little more now.

 

She then bent down and put the tags on Tobin’s suitcase before she stood up again.

 

“Boarding is in about twenty-five minutes.” She whispered gently. “You can use security checkpoint 2, right that way.”

 

Tobin just nodded like she understood. Unwilling to attempt any other conversation in her current state. She didn’t want to cry in front of another stranger. The taxi driver had seen enough of that for both of them.

 

“Hang in there.” The attendant whispered. “Safe Travels.”

 

“Thanks.” Tobin’s voice cracked a little as she spun around and left the ticketing counter, looking down at the boarding pass in her hands as she got in line to go through security.

 

The security line moved quickly with how late it was, only a handful of people in line ahead of her, and not long after, Tobin was finding her seat on the airplane.

 

She shut her phone off as soon as she got settled, before they had even pushed back from the jetway, and then pulled the hood on her hoodie up over her head and shut her eyes as she leaned against the window.

 

Doing whatever she could to let the people around her know she didn’t want to be bothered.

 

All she could do was pray that sleep found her quickly, hoping when she woke up on the other side, this would all just be a bad dream.

 

Leaving San Francisco behind without another word.

 

x

 

The shuttle bus from the reception hall came to a stop in the drop off lane in front of the hotel as the driver opened the bus doors so the wedding guests could get off. Most of them were well past drunk and rowdy, ready for the after party in the hotel bar.

 

Julie and Christen had been leaning on both sides of Lauren in the back row, the three of them exhausted from the long day now that the wedding dance was finally over. All of their buzzes from earlier either cried out or just long gone.

 

Lauren wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, but she could sense Christen’s sadness all the same; offering her a shoulder as soon as they sat down for the ride back, while at the same time noticing the fact that Tobin was nowhere in sight.

 

She didn’t bring it up, though. Lauren knew Christen would share when she was ready.

 

Zach stood up first from the row in front of them and grabbed Julie and Christen’s purses for them, and then led the way off the bus ahead of the three women. The last of the group to get off before the driver could head back for another round of guests.

 

Jrue was waiting outside the hotel for Lauren with a baby monitor in his hands, having left the reception a couple hours earlier when Jrue Tyler needed to go to bed. Lauren gave Christen and Julie a goodnight hug as they made plans for breakfast before she was walking away with him and heading off to bed for the night.  

 

Christen was slow to move through the lobby of the hotel, almost like she was biding her time before she had to go face whatever version of Tobin she guessed was waiting for her upstairs in their room.

 

_Would the rest of the night be a fight? Would they go to sleep without saying anything at all?_

 

Christen wasn’t sure which one would be worse. It was the same thought that had been replaying in her mind since they'd left the reception.

 

Julie could sense her uneasiness as they reached the elevator bank, pushing the up button and waiting for the doors to open.

 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Julie wondered as they stepped onto the elevator, pushing floor 6 where all of their rooms were.

 

“No.” Christen shook her head as she played with her hands nervously. “It’s probably better if I go alone. Tobin and I have a lot to talk about... ”

 

“Okay.” Julie nodded understandably. “Come find me if you need anything… we’ll be in our room.”

 

“I will.” Christen gave her a sad smile and then stepped in to hug Julie one last time. “Sorry about tonight. Thanks for having my back.”

 

“Always.” Julie whispered in her ear and she pulled Christen in tight. “Love you.”

 

“Love you too.” Christen sighed as the elevator came to a stop on their floor.

 

All three of them stepped off, with Christen going right to her room and Zach and Julie going left to theirs.

 

Christen waited until they got their door open down the hall before she pulled her room key out of her wallet. She then inserted it into the door and pushed it open slowly.

 

The first thing she noticed was the single light on closest to the doorway.

 

The second thing she noticed was the fact that Tobin’s big black suitcase had been moved from where it had been sitting on the floor next to the TV since they’d checked in.

 

“Tobs?” Christen whispered softly as she made her way farther into the room, moving quietly while she was still unsure if Tobin was asleep or not.

 

She did a double take as she glanced at the two beds in the room, trying to pick out where Tobin was through the half-light behind her.

 

She took another few steps and let her eyes adjust fully until she realized that neither bed was occupied.

 

Christen then glanced to her right towards the bathroom and realized that the door was open and it was pitch black inside of there, too.

 

“Tobin?” She asked out loud again, knowing well enough by now that her girlfriend wasn’t anywhere in their hotel room.

 

After a few seconds of silence, Christen moved to the lamp on the nightstand and turned it on to fully illuminate the hotel room, glancing around as she slowly noticed all of Tobin’s things were gone.

 

Tobin’s backpack that had been sitting on top of the dresser wasn’t there anymore. The two pairs of sunglasses she’d left on the nightstand were gone. Her black suitcase wasn’t moved anywhere else, it was missing.

 

“ _No_..” She whispered as she felt her eyes well up with tears instantly.

 

She made a beeline for the bathroom and flicked the light on in there and pulled the shower curtain back, confirming that Tobin’s shower products were gone too, along with her toothbrush that had been on the counter next to the sink earlier.

 

“ _No.. you couldn't have left_.” She whispered again as she stormed back out towards the bed. “ _You wouldn't do that to me_.”  

 

She quickly dropped her purse from her shoulder onto the bed closest to the door and started to dig around in it for her phone. She hadn’t checked it since before the ceremony this afternoon and she needed it now more than ever, hoping and praying that there was some sort of message from Tobin on it, letting her girlfriend know where she was.

 

“Where are you?” Christen gasped out a cry as she felt the first tear fall onto her cheek, getting frustrated quickly by how unending and full her purse seemed at the moment.

 

“ _Ugh. Fuck!_ ” She huffed angrily as she eventually picked up the black purse and turned it upside so all of its contents would dump out onto the bed and make her search easier.

 

As soon as she had her phone in her hands she pressed her thumb to the unlock button and searched through the few texts she had waiting, her heart rate picking up as each one she glanced at wasn’t from Tobin.

 

She didn’t hesitate any longer to find Tobin’s number in her recent calls list and hit dial, turning to sit on the bed as she waited for it to ring.

 

She could feel a nervous pit forming in her stomach as the seconds ticked by, waiting for the call to connect.

 

When it did, it didn’t even ring.

 

_‘What up, it’s Tobin. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to ya… Mahalo!’_

 

Christen pulled the phone away from her ear as Tobin’s familiar voicemail sounded through the phone, hanging up before she tried again immediately.

 

She hit dial a second time and the same thing happened. Her call when right to voicemail.

 

_‘What up, it’s Tob-’_

 

Christen hit end before she listened to the greeting all the way through again.

 

“ _Damn it_.” She whispered as she hung up and waited a few seconds longer this time before she tried a third time.

 

_Maybe Tobin was trying to call her at the exact same time?_

 

Christen took a breath and hit dial one more time.

 

Of course, nothing changed.

 

She couldn’t keep the tears in at all after that, waiting for Tobin’s greeting to end so she could leave a message this time.

 

When the voicemail beeped, Christen took a breath and spoke into the phone, still sitting on the bed, bent over as her tears dotted her gold dress in random patterns on her lap.

 

“Hi… it’s me.”

 

Christen paused to try and collect her thoughts now.

 

She’d spent all night thinking about what she was going to say to Tobin when she got back to the hotel and saw her. She hadn’t prepared for this, though.

 

“Your stuff is gone and you’re not here… so… I guess that means you left... “

 

She went silent again for a moment as a few tears ran down the end of her nose and then dripped off the end of it.

 

“I’m so sorry, baby.” She cried softly into the phone, letting out a breathy sob.

 

“I know that probably doesn’t seem like enough right now, but please know that I am.”

 

She took another breath in through her nose, all the snot from her crying being sucked back up noisily with her inhale.

 

“I don’t know what else to say right now... other than... I love you…”

 

She used her free had to wipe away the tears from her cheek quickly.

 

“I never meant for any of this to happen... I hope that you know that.” She sighed longingly. “And I realize how upset you are... but I just.. I need to know that you’re okay….”

 

She sat in silence for a long moment, searching for any other words she could think of that would make Tobin change her mind and come back tonight.

 

She came up with nothing.

 

“Please, if you could just let me know where you are so I can come find you...”

 

Christen pulled the phone away from her ear for a second and looked at it before she brought it back to her ear and sighed again.

 

“Can you please call me back, honey? .... Please. I’m sorry. I love you.”

 

She had to hit the phone a few times before she actually connected with the end button, her eyes blurry from the tears that just wouldn’t quit. She fell backwards until her back was hitting the mattress as she let the phone fall out of her hand absentmindedly, bouncing off the floor in front of the bed.

 

She had never felt so alone.

 

All those dark nights in Kauai her first few weeks there when she barely knew another soul, they didn’t even come close to the emptiness Christen felt in this moment.

 

She just laid there and let her tears come until they wouldn’t come anymore, crying it all out until she was totally exhausted.

 

It wasn’t until her red and puffy eyes had dried completely that Christen realized that there was one thing she didn’t have during those dark nights that she did have now.

 

Her best friend.

 

The only other person who could help her feel a little less empty, at least for the night.

 

Christen sat back up and ran a hand through her hair, which was now a tangled mess of hairspray and sweat from the night, before she stood up from the bed and moved to her suitcase.

 

She concentrated on her breathing to keep herself calm as she took her bridesmaid dress off and picked up a Nike t-shirt of Tobin’s that she’d stole from her to lounge around in the past couple days and put it on before she picked her phone up off the floor and sent Julie a text.

 

 **{Pressy: 1:21 am}** _If you’re still awake I could use your company tonight..._

 

Julie was knocking on her hotel room door not even a minute later, her face falling quickly when she realized that Christen had been crying again.

 

“ _Oh, Chris_ …” Julie frowned and pulled her in without hesitation, knowing that Christen asking for her company tonight couldn’t mean anything good.

 

“Tobin left.” Christen explained in a raspy voice, almost feeling like a zombie now with how raw she felt; momentarily burying her face in Julie’s shoulder for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

 

“She left?” Julie wondered quickly as she wrapped her arms around Christen’s shoulders. “When? What’d she say?”

 

“Nothing, I didn’t get a chance to see her.” Christen shrugged smally. “All of her stuff was gone when I got here and I tried calling her a few times but her phone is off and I don’t know where she is…”

 

Christen stepped back from Julie’s embrace and walked back to the bed and flopped down onto it limply, feeling like she had no energy left at all.

 

“I’m so sorry, babe.” Julie sighed as she followed Christen in and stood at the foot of the bed with her hands on her hips. “What do you need me to do?”

 

“Nothing.” Christen shook her head defeatedly. “Will you just lay with me? I don’t wanna be alone tonight.”

 

She rolled over onto her side and buried her face in the pillow that Tobin had been using this morning, the same one that still smelled like Tobin now, and shut her eyes to breathe in her scent.

 

“Of course.” Julie pulled back the covers and scooted in behind Christen and gave her shoulder a soft squeeze before she shut off the light on the nightstand and sent Zach a text saying she wouldn’t be back to bed.

 

Neither of them saying another word before Christen drifted into a restless sleep.

 

x

 

“ _Ouch. … Fuck._ ”

 

Kelley shot straight up in bed once she registered the sound of another person’s voice, blinking several times as she tried to see through the darkness from which she was just awoken into.

 

She could tell that there was a person in front of her at the end of the bed but she had no idea who the intruder may be. She was out of her element being that she was in Tobin’s bedroom tonight, instead of her own room that she knew so well.

 

“Who’s there?!” She shouted nervously as she reached for her phone on the nightstand in search of some light to help answer her question.

 

Before she could grab it, the lamp on the bedside table flicked on to brighten her surroundings for her.

 

“Tobin!” She shouted when she realized who was standing over her now. “What the fuck! You scared the shit outta me.”

 

“Sorry.” Tobin mumbled lamely as she looked down at Kelley from above, not laughing like she usually would have in this scenario. “I didn’t mean to. I was trying to be quiet but it’s not my fault you left your shit in the middle of my floor for me to trip on in the dark.”

 

“What time is it? What day is it? Why are you here?” Kelley rattled off several questions in a row, confused and slightly angry, being that she was still half asleep.

 

She got no response from Tobin in return as the brunette walked back around to the other side of the bed in front of her.

 

“What are you doing?” Kelley finally settled on then.

 

“Trying to go to sleep.” Tobin sighed exhaustedly as she collapsed onto her bed which Kelley had been occupying for the last several nights while she stayed with Peyton. “Scoot over, will you?”

 

Kelley grumbled a little as she moved over from the middle of the bed so Tobin had enough room to climb under the covers too, still looking at her perplexed.

 

“Tobs, what the fuck?” Kelley asked again as she turned back to the nightstand and looked at the clock to see what time it was. “Why are you sneaking in here like a creep?”

 

It was just before 6 am now, still too dark outside for the room to be illuminated at all, and she was beyond confused as to why Tobin was now lying next to her, instead of still being in California like she was supposed to be.

 

“Is Christen here too?” She wondered again before Tobin could answer her.

 

“No.” Tobin whispered into her pillow, facing away from Kelley on the wrong side of the bed from where she usually slept.

 

“Where is she?” Kelley pressed, still more than a little confused about what was going on.

 

“She’s in San Francisco.” Tobin’s grumpy voice echoed in response as she turned around to look at Kelley again. “Shut the light off, will you?”

 

“You’re the one that turned it on!” Kelley smacked her shoulder like she was annoyed before she scooted far enough to the edge of the bed to reach the light and then cranked the lamp switch off again.

 

They were silent for a moment as Kelley readjusted back onto her pillow before she looked over at Tobin next to her once more.

 

“Tobs?” Kelley wondered in a much softer voice this time, clearly realizing something was up now that she was more awake. “Is everything okay?”

 

Tobin didn’t respond for a moment, instead letting out a long breath as she considered her answer.

 

“You came back early...” Kelley observed in a whisper.

 

She knew Tobin had been nervous for the trip. They had talked about it a little one day last week while they were out surfing together; about how Tobin had this uneasy feeling something bad was going to happen while they were gone. It was a feeling she just couldn’t place, given how happy and excited she and Christen were to be going.

 

She never figured out what it was about.

 

“What happened?” Kelley questioned when Tobin didn’t say anything. “Are you and Christen okay?”

 

“I don’t know... No?” Tobin finally breathed out a reply, confirming Kelley’s suspicions for her.

 

Kelley waited before she said anything else, knowing Tobin would eventually spit it out.

 

Tobin took a few breathes as she ran a hand over her face and then rolled onto her back to look up at the ceiling.

 

“Guess who Christen’s ex is...”

 

“Who?” Kelley questioned as she turned to look over at Tobin again, having absolutely no idea who to guess.

 

“Dominic...” Tobin whispered flatly, feeling the sharpness of that reality again in her chest as she said his name.

 

“... Dominic who?” Kelley asked a second time, drawing out her words.  

 

There was only one Dominic that she could think of, but surely it wasn’t him.

 

“Dominic Romero.” Tobin murmured.

 

“What!” Kelley gulped in genuine surprise, hearing the full name of someone she rarely ever thought about anymore; the one name she was sure it couldn’t be.

 

Tobin could feel her throat tightening up again as she thought about what she’d learned last night all over again.

 

“Yeah...” Tobin repeated almost breathlessly.

 

“How do you know?” Kelley wondered as she lifted herself up on her elbow to look down at Tobin.

 

“Because we saw him in San Francisco.” Tobin explained as she turned her head towards her best friend in the darkness. “And Christen told me that he was.”

 

“WHAT!” Kelley shouted now, shooting upright in bed in complete shock for the second time in the past few minutes. “Where? How?”

 

“He showed up at the wedding reception last night,” Tobin mumbled. “I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw him from across the room, and so I went to confront him about where the fuck he’s been for the last eight years, and then all the sudden Christen was behind me asking him to leave, looking at him like she knew him… and then when I tried to ask how, she told me that he was her ex-boyfriend.”

 

“Oh my god.” Kelley gasped in amazement. She could suddenly feel her heart pounding hard in her chest at how surprised she was. “No way… How is that even possible?”

 

She was having a hard time believing the world could be that small.

 

“I have no fucking idea.” Tobin sighed defeatedly.

 

She hadn’t been able to work everything out in her head yet. It was like her brain wasn’t functioning properly from the shock and the lack of sleep she’d had.

 

“Dominic is Christen’s ex?” Kelley said out loud again. “How long were they together?” She wondered quickly, wanting to do the math for herself while trying to work out a timeline.

 

“She said five years but I don’t know for sure.”

 

There was a long moment of silence between them as Kelley blinked rapidly several times.

 

“Jesus… I am… _stunned_.” She finally shook her head. “What happened after she told you that? Was he still there with you?”

 

“Yeah and I freaked out,” Tobin recalled. “I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t think straight and I just felt so much anger inside of myself that I felt like I was gonna explode if I didn’t run away. So that’s what I did.”

 

“You were probably having another panic attack.” Kelley explained logically. “Did you do the breathing exercises we worked on?”

 

She’d seen Tobin have a few of those over the past several years, even if they hadn’t been officially diagnosed as such. But just because Tobin was too stubborn to go to the doctor for them didn’t make them any less real.  

 

Tobin didn’t answer that question.

 

“As I was standing there, all I could think about was how guilty I felt for leaving Peyton.” Tobin’s eyes started to water again. “Dom had already abandoned her and there he was in front of me again like it was no big deal. He recognized me right away and made it seem like everything was cool… And then to learn that Christen was with him that whole time that he was missing? I just… I don’t know if I can be with her knowing that. Every time I think about it, I can’t breathe again. I mean, couples talk about their exes with each other, right? What if she knew about Jessie and hid it from me?”

 

“What, you think she dated him even though she knew he walked out and left his unborn kid behind?” Kelley frowned. “Would she do that? She couldn’t have known that, right? I mean, Peyton’s eight. If they were together for five years then they weren’t even together yet when she was born.”

 

“I don’t know.” Tobin shrugged again. “I don’t know anything about their relationship because she would never tell me anything about it. Every time I asked, all she would do was deflect or tell me she didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe that’s why...”

 

“And you left without asking her if she knew?” Kelley laughed solemnly. “Tobs, why? Why would you leave?”

 

“Because I couldn’t stay.” Tobin defended herself, feeling a pit forming in her stomach from the thought of it. She felt disgusted. “I couldn’t even look at her. She felt like a stranger to me. You don’t get it… the way she was looking at Dominic like she knew him so well… It made me realize that maybe I don’t really know anything about her at all...”

 

“ _Tobin_.” Kelley murmured softly, trying to ease her fears. “Yes, you do. Don’t say that. You’re in love with her and this doesn’t change that. Yeah, it’s a shock, but don’t let it change your feelings for her without knowing the whole story.”

 

Tobin rolled over in bed to face away from Kelley again, unwilling to listen to her common sense right now. She was hurting too much for that.

 

“I don’t know what I feel right now.” Tobin shut her eyes numbly, shrugging off Kelley’s advice. “I just feel sick.”

 

“How about you try and get some sleep,” Kelley instructed and she rubbed Tobin’s shoulder gently. “It’ll help you feel better. We can talk more later and try to process this together...”

 

Tobin didn’t say anything else after that, she just pulled the covers up over her shoulders and buried her face in the pillow quietly.

 

Truthfully, she didn’t really want Kelley’s help in processing it.

 

She just wanted to let herself feel angry and sad.

 

Tobin tossed and turned for an hour as Kelley laid there silently next to her before she gave up and got out of bed again. The sun was just starting to come up outside and she knew she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep now anyway.

 

She just couldn’t shut her brain off. She had a pounding headache and an upset stomach and all she could do was replay her thoughts over and over again until she was letting them drive her insane.

 

Kelley gave Tobin a few minutes of peace and quiet in the living room before she got up too, unable to stop thinking about how much her two friends were probably hurting right now.

 

She found Tobin lying on the couch, spinning the remote control in her hands with the TV still off, staring straight ahead blankly.

 

“Tobs?” Kelley tried to get her attention, even though she knew Tobin had already seen her standing there.

 

“Hmm?” Tobin hummed.

 

“Want me to make you some breakfast?” Kelley offered. “Or coffee or something?”

 

“No.” Tobin shook her head before she dropped the remote to her lap and then looked over at Kelley.

 

“What _can_ I do then?” Kelley wondered.

 

Tobin paused before she made up her mind on what she wanted.

 

“Can you go home?” She requested gingerly, feeling bad instantly at how uninterested her voice sounded.

 

She let her head drop like she was ashamed for asking it but she didn’t correct herself either. She really did want Kelley to leave right now.

 

“Tobs, no…” Kelley sighed.

 

“Please?” Tobin asked again, not lifting her eyes from her lap as she did. “I’m not trying to be a dick to you, I just need some space.”

 

Tobin cleared her throat a little as she felt herself wanting to cry again.

 

“Fine.” Kelley nodded, unable to help feeling offended now that her company was being rejected.

 

She quickly spun around and started to gather her stuff from around the living room and kitchen, throwing it into her overnight bag as she moved through the house back towards Tobin’s bedroom.

 

When she had everything she could think of that she’d brought over she walked back out to the living room, giving Tobin a second chance to change her mind.

 

“Kel?” Tobin murmured from the couch again.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Will you take Reese with you, please?”

 

Kelley dropped her bag to the floor dumbfoundedly. All she wanted to do was to walk up to Tobin and shake her and scream in her face to Stop! _Stop self-destructing and trying to mess everything up._

 

She knew she couldn’t though. This was Tobin’s choice to make on her own.

 

“Tobs, don’t do this...” She pleaded instead, knowing easily that her best friend was about to try and push every possible piece of Christen away that she could.

 

“Please?” Tobin asked a second time without giving in. “She gets back tomorrow, I’m sure she’ll pick him up then.”

 

“Yeah, I know when she gets back.” Kelley murmured frustratedly. “You were supposed to be back then too, remember?”

 

Tobin didn’t look up at her again before Kelley rolled her eyes and walked towards Peyton's bedroom and opened her door to get Reese as requested.

 

Reese lifted his head as soon as the bedroom door was open and jumped down from Peyton’s bed to stretch before he trotted up to Kelley in the doorway. Peyton was still sound asleep under her covers, unaffected by the dog’s movements.

 

Reese made it out into the hallway and wagged his tail happily as soon as he saw Tobin, moving towards her quickly like he was excited that she was finally home. He had missed his favorite daytime buddy while she was away.

 

Tobin gave him a pat on the head and let Reese lick her face once before she pushed him away again gently, blinking back tears as she did. She didn’t want to cry in front of Kelley.

 

“Come on, buddy.” Kelley patted her thigh then as she picked her bag back up. “Tobs wants us to leave, so we’re gonna leave.”

 

Reese walked towards Kelley obediently while Kelley gave Tobin one final chance to change her mind before she grabbed his leash and hooked it to his collar and walked towards the front door.

 

Kelley had the front door open when she stopped and glanced back at Tobin one more time. “Just so you know, you can call me when you stop being stubborn. I’m still gonna be here for you.”

 

And with that, Kelley was pulling the front door closed behind herself, following Reese to her car in the driveway.

 

Tobin shut her eyes and let the tears fall again.

 

x

 

An hour later Tobin had just drifted off to sleep on the couch when she awoke to the sound of Peyton’s door opening down the hall.

 

The eight-year-old had slept in later than usual with it well past 8:30 now, and in her sadness, Tobin had kind of forgotten that she was home at all.

 

Peyton was rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she walked out into the living room in her matching NASA pajamas, coming to a stop halfway to the couch when she realized who was lying there.

 

She had been expecting to see Kelley again this morning.

 

“Toby?” She questioned as she dropped her hands from her eyes, clearly surprised to see her favorite person home already.

 

“Morning, buddy.” Tobin smiled genuinely for the first time since last night as she leaned up on her elbows on the couch.

 

Peyton didn’t waste any time running towards Tobin and launching herself at her, landing on Tobin’s stomach heavily with her knees and wrapping her arms around Tobin’s neck.  

 

“You got home already?” Peyton questioned with a wide smile and then scrunched her face up a little, unsure of what was going on. “Does that mean it’s Monday already?”

 

“No, bud, it’s still Sunday.” Tobin eased her confusion with a laugh.

 

“How come you're home already then?” The kid asked as she laid down on top of Tobin and hugged her tightly.

 

“Cause I missed you a lot and I wanted to come home and see you.” Tobin hummed as she hugged Peyton back.

 

“I missed you too  _so much_.” Peyton grinned as she lifted her head up to look at Tobin’s face again. “Did Christen come home too? Is she still in bed? Can we go wake her up?”

 

She looked towards the kitchen and the other side of the house where Tobin’s bedroom was, thinking Christen was probably just down the hall, like she usually was when Peyton and Tobin got up early.

 

“Nah, she’s in California still.” Tobin shook her head a little, her smile faltering slightly, although not enough for Peyton to notice.

 

Tobin was still fighting with herself internally on what to tell the kid about their current situation, but for now, that felt like enough. It wasn’t like it was a lie.

 

“Where’s Reesey?” Peyton wondered then, realizing he wasn’t in bed with her this morning when she woke up.

 

“He went home with Auntie Kelley so he could keep her company today.” Tobin answered.

 

“Does that mean we get Toby and PJ day today?” Peyton’s eyes lit up as she said it, like she was truly excited about them getting some alone time together.

 

“Yeah, dude!” Tobin nodded and ran a hand through her hair comfortingly. “We can do whatever you want, okay?”

 

“ _Yes_!” Peyton whispered before she yawned and then laid all the way down again, fitting right under Tobin’s chin with the top of her head. “I love Toby and PJ day.”

 

“Me too.” Tobin smiled. “It’s pretty fun, huh?”

 

“Yeah, it’s really fun.” Peyton answered her without lifting her head. “I can’t wait until Christen comes home too, cause it’s the best when we’re all home together.”

 

She felt Peyton's arms hug her a little tighter as she said it. Thinking of their happy little family.

 

Tobin couldn't do anything but shut her eyes quickly, trying to stop the tears before they spilled over again.


	23. Lonesome Dreams.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I been dreaming again of a lonesome world  
> Where I'm lost and I've got no friends  
> Just the rocks and the trees and my lonesome dreams
> 
>  
> 
> .

_“Hi… it’s me… Your stuff is gone and you’re not here… so… I guess that means you left... I’m so sorry, baby. I know that probably doesn’t seem like enough right now, but please know that I am. I don’t know what else to say right now... other than... I love you… I never meant for any of this to happen... I hope that you know that. And I realize how upset you are... but I just.. I need to know that you’re okay… Please, if you could just let me know where you are so I can come find you… Can you please call me back, honey? .... Please. I’m sorry. I love you.”_

 

Tobin was about to press play on Christen’s voicemail for the seventh time in a row when she was startled out of her thoughts as a loud bang hit against the door of her Bronco, pulling her attention back to reality from where she had been zoned out for the past several minutes.

 

She wiped her eyes that were slightly misty and sat up a little higher in the driver’s seat to peer out the window down to the ground, trying to see what the noise was.

 

“Shit.” She huffed out as she noticed Peyton standing there, waiting to be let into the back seat. “Shit, sorry.” She mumbled again instantly, pulling on the door handle to open the door as fast as she could.

 

She must have missed the bell ringing as school was let out for the day, not even registering the kids that were storming out of the building into the parking lot as she was consumed in her thoughts about Christen.

 

She had gotten there way too early for pickup and had been stuck in a trance ever since she put her truck in park in the front row of the parking lot.

 

Tobin gave Peyton a wave and the best fake smile she could muster as she slid down out of the driver’s seat and landed on the pavement next to her, clearing her throat so it didn’t seem like she was on the verge of tears.

 

“Hi, bud.” She murmured as she looked down at the child.

 

“What were you doing?” Peyton wondered immediately with squinted eyes as she looked up at Tobin in return.

 

She had been standing there waving at Tobin for a while, finally wacking her backpack against the door to get Tobin's attention when she never got out to let her into the truck.

 

“Sorry.” Tobin sighed, reaching out to take Peyton’s bag from her. “I was daydreaming, I guess.”

 

“About what?” Peyton asked again, still giving Tobin a puzzled look. “Didn’t you hear the bell ringing like usual? You always see me coming out of the doors.”

 

“I guess not.” Tobin shrugged passively. “Sorry about that.”

 

Peyton shook her head and moved past Tobin to climb up into the backseat. “You’re being really weird lately, Toby.” She pointed out as she slid across the back row to the opposite side of the truck and then reached for her seat belt.  

 

Peyton had been confused by Tobin’s behavior and mood several times already since she got back yesterday morning. They'd spent the day on the water for Toby and PJ day, but Tobin seemed distracted the whole time, and Peyton was not understanding what was going on or why Tobin wasn’t being her usual bubbly self. But her eight-year-old brain couldn’t totally make a connection to anything, either.

 

What _was_ clear to her was that Toby just wasn’t being Toby.

 

“Sorry, dude.” She apologized again, trying to smile a little more convincingly. “I’m fine, I promise.”

 

Tobin waited until Peyton was settled before she tossed her backpack in and climbed back into the driver’s seat, looking back at Peyton in the rearview mirror.

 

“How was school today?”

 

“Boring.” Peyton murmured unenthusiastically, looking out the window like she wasn’t all that happy with her day.

 

“Boring? Why?” Tobin questioned softly as she turned around to face the child. “Did something happen? You usually love school.”

 

“Because, Toby! The day was taking forever!” Peyton complained, her voice getting a little louder as she explained what she meant. “It’s Monday today and that means Christen is coming home and I just wanted the day to get over so we could go see her!”

 

“Oh.” Tobin nodded, slowly turning back around to look out of the front windshield again in silence.

 

She didn’t expect to have to avoid this subject immediately this afternoon.

 

“So can we go to Christen’s house now or do we hafta wait until she comes to our house?” Peyton continued with her questioning. “Did she get home already? Should we call her?”

 

Tobin shook her head in response. “We’re not gonna see her tonight, bud.”

 

“ _Why?_ ” Peyton protested instantly, not happy in the slightest with that answer when she had been looking forward to it all day long. “I really want to!”

 

“Because she’s not even gonna be landing until after you’re in bed.” Tobin explained.

 

It wasn’t a lie, but it already felt like one.

 

“Yeah, but remember you said I could stay up until you got back?” Peyton reminded her quickly of their conversation at the airport last week. “Remember you said that, Toby?”

 

“Yeah, I remember.” Tobin nodded, unsurprised again by how well Peyton remembered every detail of every conversation they ever had. “But that was before I knew I was coming back early.”

 

“But I still wanna see Christen too.”

 

“We’ll talk about it later, dude.” Tobin instructed, not giving Peyton any hope on the matter. “We’re not gonna see her tonight, though.”

 

“But…” Peyton’s shoulders dropped in anguish as she trailed off, unsure of how to argue further when she could tell Tobin wasn’t budging.

 

Tobin turned back around to look at her again, feeling the sadness building up inside of herself again at the disappointed look on Peyton’s face. She could tell how much the kid was missing their favorite green-eyed girl.

 

So was Tobin, but she couldn’t think about that right now.

 

“How about we go surfing before dinner? Does that sound like fun?” Tobin tried to change the subject with something that she knew Peyton would be interested in, trying to get her mind focused on something else other than Christen.

 

Peyton just rolled her eyes, suddenly seeming much older than eight as she turned to look out the window, not even bothering to respond. She hadn’t been looking forward to surfing for the past six days. She’d been looking forward to having her family back together.

 

All Tobin could do was sigh at the rejection as she turned around and started her truck again. Pulling out of her parking space and heading for home with an even worse feeling in her stomach.

 

xxx

 

Christen let out a soft sigh as she shut the car off and turned to look over at Reese who was sitting upright in the passenger seat of her Mini Cooper. They gave each other a long look like they were having a silent conversation about their current situation before Christen gave in and moved first.

 

“Come on buddy, let’s go inside.”

 

The dog let out a long whine as Christen pulled her keys out of the ignition, almost as if he didn’t agree with where they were. Like he was wondering what they were doing at home right now.

 

It was night time. And at night time, they were always at Tobin and Peyton’s house. Even Reese knew that much.

 

“Hey, if I’m not crying then neither are you, mister.” Christen patted his head like she was telling him to knock it off.

 

She pushed her door open and stood up out of her car and waited for Reese to jump over the center console and out onto the gravel driveway behind her so they could head inside.

 

They had been down at the beach for the past hour, letting Reese run up and down the sand so he could get all of his energy out before bedtime while Christen sat and watched the sunset and let her thoughts run wild.

 

Normally, the dog would’ve had Peyton as a companion to keep him busy and tire him out this afternoon and a solo beach run wouldn’t have even been necessary, but that wasn’t an option tonight.

 

Christen had been back on Kauai for about twenty-four hours now and she still hadn’t heard from Tobin.  Her sulking voicemail the night of Sofia’s wedding was never returned and the few text messages she'd sent the day after had also gone unanswered, much to Christen’s heartbroken disappointment.

 

It was obvious now that Tobin didn’t want to talk, whether Christen liked it or not.

 

It had been three days since Tobin had left her standing on the sidewalk outside of the wedding reception and they hadn’t spoken a word since - no FaceTime calls with Peyton, no random Snapchats to update each other on how their days were going, no _Good morning_ or _I love you_ texts - nothing.

 

The silence was deafening.

 

The only way Christen even knew anything at all was because of Kelley.

 

Apparently, Tobin had caught a redeye home that night and was back in Kauai, which Christen had finally learned through a text from Kelley when she was on her way to the airport in San Francisco. Her freckled friend letting her know she and Reese would be there to pick Christen up as soon as she landed on Monday night.

 

So Christen got Tobin’s message loud and clear, even through absolute silence - she wasn’t welcome in Tobin’s life right now.

 

Christen felt like her brain was actually going to explode at any moment. She just couldn’t stop thinking. About how sorry and sad she was for Tobin, about how much she missed Peyton; and about how much she truly detested Dominic for how much shit he’s put them all through.

 

It was like a constant battle back and forth between her being angry, and then depressed, and then downright defeated, before the cycle would start all over.

 

Just when she’d convince herself to try calling Tobin again, she’d let that feeling of impending doom for them creep back inside of herself once more and then talk herself back out of it.

 

She was stuck.

 

So for now, all she could do was keep pushing through while hoping like hell that she wasn’t about to fall back towards the version of herself that she’d been when she first moved to Kauai. If she let herself go back to that darkness, she was sure she wouldn’t make it out a second time.

 

She shook her thoughts away again as she moved up the driveway towards the house, noticing Gus as he emerged from under the porch swing as she and Reese climbed the steps, meowing softly like he was glad they were home.

 

It was the first time Christen had seen him since before their trip and she noticed quickly that he was looking too skinny again.

 

She bent down to give the cat some attention as he and Reese sniffed each other, both animals deciding to play nice for once. It made Christen smile just a little, feeling like at least they were putting in some effort to make her happy tonight.

 

“I love my boys.” She cooed in a soft voice as she petted both of their heads at the same time before she stood up again, moving to unlock her front door so she could get some cat food and bring it out for Gus to eat.

 

After she filled Gus’ small bowl in the corner of the porch, she headed back inside to grab a sweatshirt from her closet and a poured herself a glass of red wine and then made her way back outside to sit down on her swing and watch the rain clouds blow in from where she could see them approaching in the distance.

 

The trade winds were strong tonight, blowing the trees around her property in frantic motions, creating the perfect visual for what she felt was happening in her mind at the exact same time. She couldn’t help but feel like now was a good opportunity to sulk a little. Alone with nothing but the rainstorm and a bottle of wine for the rest of the night.

 

Wishing she could be anywhere that Tobin and Peyton were. Knowing they were surely at home, going through their bedtime routine right about now. If she were there, she’d be listening to their soft laughter coming from the bathroom as Peyton brushed her teeth after a shower, all clean and ready for sleep after another day of kid things.

 

Christen always loved those moments where she could just be an observer from the other room without either of them knowing how full they were making her heart feel. She was dying to feel a just little bit of that love tonight. She was sure it would cure the sadness in even the deepest parts of her soul in an instant.

 

The truth of the matter was that Tobin and Peyton had become her whole world. They were the first thing she thought of every morning, whether she was waking up with them or not; and the last thing she thought of before she fell asleep at night, even if she wasn’t wrapped in Tobin’s arms under the covers.

 

They were her happiness.

 

Christen tried as hard as she could to prevent it from happening; them becoming the only thing she wanted. She knew that it would only come back to bite her in the ass if something bad happened, but she also couldn’t stop it. It felt inevitable. They felt so permanent.

 

She kept telling herself to branch out more. To make friends outside of Tobin’s group of people and rediscover the hobbies that she used to love, so they could keep her busy if she and Tobin didn’t work out. But every time she promised herself she would, she’d find a reason not to just as quickly, not wanting to miss out on anything that Tobin and Peyton were up to at the time.

 

She had to laugh at that now, though, letting out a chuckle that turned into a long sigh before she took another sip of wine, fully realizing that she brought this solitude on herself.

 

“ _Am I alone?_ ” She whispered out loud then, resting her head against the back cushion of the swing as she looked up at the sky past the porch awning. “ _Are they never going to want me again?_ ”

 

The thought of that possibility made tears well up in her eyes quickly, threatening to spill over.

 

But she hadn’t cried yet today and she was dead set on not letting herself because at least one day off seemed like it would be beneficial.

 

So instead she got up and ducked back inside to grab her cellphone where she’d left it on the kitchen counter, wanting to distract herself from her thoughts until she was tired enough to try and sleep.

 

She checked in on Reese, who was now asleep in her bed and looking cozy like he had no plans on moving until morning, before she went back outside, swiping through her notifications as she moved through the house.

 

She had posted an Instagram picture of the dark blue sky and moody sunset earlier while she was at the beach and it already had several comments on it; even some from Mana, Kelley, and Alex, asking her to get dinner the following night.

 

Clearly, they’d heard what was going on between Christen and Tobin, so the fact that they were still reaching out did a lot to lift Christen’s spirits at the moment, making her realize she was indeed not that alone.

 

_Maybe they weren’t just Tobin’s people anymore? Maybe they were her people too?_

 

It was late now, but she promised herself that in the morning she’d reach out to them to plan something, wanting to take advantage of every amount of friendship they’d give her until all of this stuff with Tobin got sorted out.

 

If they were willing to hear her side of the story and still be her friend, Christen was going to take it without a doubt.

 

Now all she had to do was hope that Tobin would come around eventually, too. But for tonight, she let that be enough.

 

x

 

“Toby, I’m all done!” Peyton set her pencil down and looked up from her spelling homework as she sat at the kitchen table. It was just after six and they had been at their favorite beach after school, getting a little surfing in before Peyton started her homework while Tobin made them dinner.

 

“Cool, I’ll check it in one second.” Tobin mumbled through a mouthful of almost-cooked pasta standing at the stove with her back to the child.

 

Tobin noticed that the noodles would need another few minutes before they were done as she wiped her hands on the dish towel hanging over the oven and then walked around the island towards the table.

 

“Alright, let’s see what you’ve got.” She hummed as she pulled a chair up next to Peyton and started to read through her homework, checking it to make sure there were no mistakes that needed to be corrected.  

 

For third grade, Tobin was pretty surprised at how difficult some of the words were, but she was also really impressed with Peyton’s work. She was always such a good speller and reader, with words like _Batteries_ and _Science_ giving the kid no trouble at all.

 

Tobin read through the whole worksheet and then looked up at her again.

 

“You crushed it, dude.” She stuck her fist out and waited until Peyton pounded it with a big, toothy grin in return. “Great job.”

 

“Yes!” Peyton celebrated as she slid off the chair, happy to be done with her homework for the night so she could focus on more important topics that she had been wanting to discuss. “Can we call Christen now? I wanna tell her my homework is done and see if she wants to come over.”

 

Peyton had asked twice already this afternoon about Christen’s whereabouts. The same way she’d asked several times the past couple days. She wasn’t going to rest on it until she saw her favorite person again.

 

“Nah, we’re gonna eat dinner right now.” Tobin shook her head no, still using small excuses as to why they couldn’t call her girlfriend, instead of actually explaining anything to the kid. “It’ll be ready in, like, thirty seconds.”

 

“But Christen always eats dinner with us.” Peyton pointed out with a confused tone. “We gotta call her and tell her it’s ready, otherwise it’s gonna be cold by the time she gets here.”

 

Peyton knew for sure that Christen was back from California by now. It was Wednesday and although she believed Tobin’s excuse last night about Christen being busy with work, she’d had enough of it by now. Christen never missed dinner with them anymore. It wasn’t making any sense.

 

“PJ…” Tobin sighed, “I told you, it’s just gonna be me and you for dinner for a bit, okay? Christen’s not gonna come over tonight or probably for a while.”

 

“Why not?” Peyton challenged right back, folding her arms over her chest like she meant business, wanting an actual explanation.

 

Tobin hadn’t actually told her it would be a while. She alluded to it in a roundabout way that Peyton hadn’t understood and she selfishly hoped the child wouldn’t ask about it again.

 

“Because I said so,” Tobin responded vaguely again, her voice surprising even herself with how stern it sounded. “Now stop asking, okay?”

 

She could instantly tell that Peyton was getting upset, seeing the anger visibly washing over her face as she listened to Tobin’s reasoning.

 

“That’s not fair!” Peyton whined then. “I wanted to see Christen tonight! I was gonna show her my new rock collection that Auntie Kelley and me found and I already had to wait so long for her to come over. I don’t wanna wait anymore.”

 

“Well, sometimes life isn’t fair, kiddo.” Tobin returned like she was uninterested in Peyton’s whining. “That’s just the way it is.”

 

She felt like an ass as she said it, knowing if any kid understood that, it was Peyton. Still though, she couldn’t stop the words as they were coming out.

 

“Why are you being so mean to me?” Peyton shouted in question then, backing away from Tobin as she did. “I don’t wanna eat dinner with you.”

 

“Well, I’m the only one here, so you don’t really have a choice.” Tobin shrugged defeatedly, softening a little. “Sorry, dude.”

 

“Well I’m not hungry.” Peyton mumbled through already wet eyes, turning around to walk out of the kitchen towards her bedroom.

 

“Peyton Jo.” Tobin cautioned as she stood up from the table too, her tone letting Peyton know dinner wasn’t an option and that she better not go to her room right now.

 

She knew she was messing this all up. She could feel it just crumbling around her. Causing Peyton to be upset when she didn’t have to be. But Tobin couldn’t work out her reasoning for all of this other than it being that she just couldn’t see Christen right now. So Peyton was going to have to suffer too.

 

Peyton came to a stop at Tobin’s warning, balling her fists up by her side as she slowly turned around, facing Tobin with tears completely filling her eyes.

 

Tobin took a few steps towards her, stuffing her hands in the pockets of her sweatpants and shrugging again, trying to be more gentle as she read Peyton’s face. “Will you please eat dinner with me? I don’t wanna do it all alone and I need you, buddy.” she tried again.

 

There was a long pause between them as Peyton decided what she was going to do. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hands and looked down at the ground as she contemplated her options before she finally took a step back towards Tobin in return.

 

Being so much stronger than Tobin was being in this moment. Holding them both together like she did more often than not.

 

“Toby?” She murmured quietly.

 

“Yeah, PJ?”

 

“Did Christen do something bad?” Peyton asked with concern in her voice, looking up at Tobin again with hesitant eyes like she was scared of what the answer might be.

 

Peyton basically assumed that Christen hung the stars and the moon with how much she loved her, and she was frightened to find out that may not be the case. It seemed like the only explanation that would make sense given her sudden absence in their lives.

 

“No,” Tobin whispered softly, shaking her head a little. “No, she didn’t do anything bad, bud.”

 

Peyton nodded a little, letting her eyes find the hardwood floor in the kitchen again for a moment before she looked back up at Tobin with even more concern on her face.

 

“Does she not love us anymore?” She questioned sadly, her lip quivering just a touch as she did.

 

“No..” Tobin gasped, taking the last two steps towards Peyton and then dropping to her knees in front of the child quickly. “Hey.. no, of course, she does.” She tried to assure her, placing both hands on Peyton’s shoulders. “Please don’t think that, okay? She’s always going to love you, no matter what.”

 

“How come she won’t come over then?”

 

Tobin let out a breath, dying to figure out what to say to Peyton about it. It’s all she had been contemplating for the last few days and still, she had come up with nothing. _Why was her brain wired this way? Why was she so selfish?_

 

Tobin scrunched her eyebrows together in thought before she made eye contact with the child again quickly.

 

“It’s not that she won’t come over, we’re just taking a little time to ourselves right now.” Tobin settled on, “She’s doing me a favor right now and giving me some space.”

 

Peyton nodded like she was processing what Tobin was saying before she lifted her hands and put them on Tobin’s shoulders in return so they were both holding onto each other.

 

“Toby?” She asked then. “Are you sad again?”

 

Tobin felt her throat tighten a little more, knowing how gentle Peyton was trying to be with her question, but knowing Peyton saw right through her all the same.

 

They had been through patches of this before. Before Christen was there to make them smile all the time, and Peyton now suddenly realized maybe that’s what was going on again. Being wise beyond her years with her observations now.

 

All Tobin could do was be honest with the child in return.

 

“Yeah, bud.” She breathed out while she nodded, willing herself not to cry. “Yeah, I’m sad again.”

 

“How come?”

 

“I just... “ Tobin paused, looking Peyton right in the eyes. “I’m sad about your momma. I really miss her a lot and I wish she was here with us and it’s been making me really sad again.”

 

Without hesitation, Peyton stepped into Tobin and hugged her fiercely, like she was trying to hold Tobin together with her little arms around her neck. “I miss Mommy too.” She whispered, “And I don’t want you to be sad anymore.”

 

Tobin wrapped her arms around Peyton’s shoulders and held on tight, letting a couple tears run down her cheeks as they embraced for a long moment.

 

_How was it that the eight-year-old was holding it together for the both of them through all of this?_

 

Tobin couldn’t even question it, all she could do was be thankful that she had such a wonderful kid in her life. Someone who was part of the person she was missing. An extension of her best friend that was just as good and just as loving as her mom had been.

 

“Love you, PJ.” Tobin husked out then, clearing her throat before she took a deep breath.

 

“I love you too, Toby.” Peyton whispered as they finally let go of each other.

 

As Peyton stepped back, her head quickly snapped up to the stove behind Tobin’s head, the child pointing to it quickly in a bit of panic. “Toby, I think dinner is burning!”

 

Tobin immediately turned around to look at the stovetop behind her, spotting the water that was boiling over the side of the pot and down onto the burner, creating a large amount of smoke as the water simmered on the hot stovetop.

 

“Ah, shit!” Tobin shouted as she stood back up and jogged to the stove, wiping the tears off her cheeks before pulling the pot off the burner quickly and cranking up the ventilation fan on the microwave to try and rid the smoke from the kitchen.

 

She dumped the water out into the sink and a big clump of stuck together and blackened noodles came pouring out with it, plopping into the strainer all at once, looking totally inedible.

 

Tobin set the pan down and turned to find Peyton holding a dish towel out for her to use, the kid’s face hesitant, like she was unsure of what kind of reaction Tobin was going to have next. Offering the only help she knew of.

 

Tobin just let her head fall back as she looked at the ceiling for a moment, trying to remain calm. She wasn’t going to let one burnt dinner push her over the edge into a full-on breakdown; she couldn’t. It wasn’t that big of a deal. Normally, they would have laughed about it, even, had they not been in the form they were in tonight.

 

So Tobin took a breath and made eye contact with Peyton again, offering her the best sad smile that she could as she shrugged her shoulders again. “What do you say we order pizza for dinner?”

 

x

 

That same night was the hardest night on Christen, too, since she’d been back on Kauai.

 

She had met up with Mana and Kelley and Alex for dinner after work and they'd spent a couple hours together as a way to occupy Christen, but when it came down to it, they weren’t much help in making her feel any better.

  
It wasn’t for lack of trying, of course. They did their best to ask about the wedding and the rest of the trip to California, but it just made Christen sadder to find out they were all in the same boat as she was; unable to get a hold of Tobin and all left wondering what they could do to help.

 

It made Christen’s chest ache to think that Tobin felt like she was so alone in all of this.

 

Tobin hadn’t returned any of Kelley’s texts since she’d left her house that morning, and she hadn’t reached out to Alex or Mana, either. It was like she was building a wall around her whole life and trapping herself inside of it to deal with her sadness all by herself.

 

Right or wrong, it surely wasn’t healthy.

 

Christen left the restaurant feeling even more down than she had been before, but maybe for different reasons now.

 

She called Julie on her way home and they talked for a while before Julie had to get to bed for an early wake up the next morning, leaving Christen with nothing to do for the rest of the night.

 

So instead of trying to prolong the day any further, Christen got ready for bed a little earlier than normal and crawled in under the covers next to Reese, passing her time by lying in the darkness and scrolling through the camera roll on her phone.

 

Looking at pictures of Tobin and Peyton that she’d captured over the past several months. Their smiles and general goofiness in each of them doing just enough to make her forget about everything for a few minutes until she snapped back to reality, only to feel that pang of loneliness in her heart again.

 

The heavy rain that was coming down outside now had started just after sunset and it was loud against the roof above her, creating a mismatched rhythm with Reese’s soft snores in her small bedroom.

 

It would have actually been very soothing had she not been all alone. If Tobin would have been nuzzled in behind her and holding her close, Christen was sure she’d be sound asleep already.

 

She groaned at that thought. _How long was she going to be thinking and suffering like this?_

 

She was already worried it was becoming pathetic and that realization was enough for her to set her alarm and finally drop her phone to the nightstand and roll over in bed, spooning her dog close and listening to him grunt a little at being repositioned. He was a good soldier about it though, not moving at all once Christen had her arms around him.

 

She shut her eyes and did everything she could to fall asleep. She counted to one hundred once and just when she was about to start over and do it a second time, she suddenly heard a loud bang from somewhere that sounded like a faint screen door slamming, almost like it had come from the front porch.

 

She stilled her breathing for a second, trying to see if the noise would come again. When it didn’t immediately, she rolled over and looked out her window, chalking it up to the rainstorm that was happening outside.

 

A few moments later, she heard it again, longer this time and more concentrated, like it was coming from the front door.

 

Christen sat up quickly and hopped out of bed, moving out into the living room to where she could clearly hear knocking now, no longer muffled through her closed bedroom door.

 

She flicked on the lamp near the couch on her way to the entryway and then pulled open the wooden door once she reached it, not realizing until it was halfway open that she should have probably asked who was standing on the other side. It could have been any criminal or stranger, for all she knew.

 

Christen gasped as soon as she had the door open and realized someone was indeed standing there. A small figure who had the screen door propped open, with a bicycle tipped over behind them on the walkway leading up to Christen’s porch.

 

“Christen, it’s me!” The kid announced herself, wiping her hair out of her eyes just as Christen was flicking on the porch light above them so they could see each other clearly.

 

“Peyton?!” Christen question confusedly, trying to catch up with what was happening in front of her, feeling like she was dreaming or something.

 

“Yeah, it’s me!” Peyton shouted again, although Christen now already knew that.

 

The kid was so excited that she was out of breath, her chest rising and falling rapidly in front of the older woman as she stood in the doorway.  

 

Christen crouched down immediately as Peyton took a step towards her until they were hugging tightly, with Peyton’s soaking wet t-shirt dripping all over Christen and getting her sleep shirt wet in return.

 

She didn’t care in the slightest though. She was just happy to have Peyton in front of her, totally unexpectedly. Her heart soaring instantly because this tiny, special eight-year-old came for her when it felt like nobody else would.

 

“Hi, Sweetie.” Christen gasped again, practically holding back tears from how surprised and touched she was.

 

“I missed you so much!” Peyton mumbled into her shoulder right away, tightened her grip around Christen’s neck as she said it.  

 

“Oh, sweetheart.” Christen breathed, feeling her heart contract a little. “I missed you too.”

 

They embraced for a long moment until Peyton pulled back from their hug just enough to look at Christen with a smile on her face, clearly also excited by their reunion.

 

The older woman reached up and brushed the rest of Peyton’s wet and wild hair behind her shoulders.

 

“How did you get here?” Christen wondered, looking over Peyton’s shoulder at the bike on the sidewalk again. “Did you ride your bike over here in this storm?”

 

The thought of Peyton biking the almost two miles from her house to Christen’s in the dark while it poured rain frightened Christen immensely, but now that she was here, she wasn’t going to dwell on it at the moment.

 

“Yeah... I’m sorry, please don’t be mad, okay?” Peyton begged through more heavy breathing, already knowing she was breaking several rules by doing what she had just done. “I was just sad cause it’s been so long since you left and I couldn’t wait anymore!”

 

“Hey, hey…. I’m not mad, I promise.” Christen shook her head, easing Peyton’s worry, “I wanted to see you too, cutie.”

 

“You did?” Peyton asked eagerly like she didn’t fully believe it.

 

“Of course I did,” Christen assured her. “I hated that I couldn’t come see you after I got back, I missed you a lot, kiddo.”

 

Peyton smiled happily as her hope of Christen missing them too was confirmed before a big shiver ran through her body from her wet clothes, making Christen frown slightly.

 

“Come on, sweetie, let’s get you something dry and warm to put on and then we can talk, okay?” Christen stood up and reached her hand out for Peyton’s, leading her all the way inside the house.

 

They made it to her bedroom where Christen flicked on the light, making Reese open his eyes from his deep sleep and lift his head.

 

“Reesey!” Peyton murmured excitedly like she had forgotten about the dog momentarily, running towards the bed and hopping up on it to hug the dog.

 

Reese let his tail wag happily at seeing his favorite companion as he licked her face a couple times in return.

 

“He’s been missing you, too.” Christen smiled wider than she had in several days at the two of them, moving to her dresser to find a t-shirt for Peyton to put on.

 

Once the kid had changed her shirt and pulled one of Christen’s too-big sweatshirts on as well, they made their way to the couch, with Peyton cuddling up under a blanket sitting extra close to Christen as she did.

 

“So tell me what’s going on,” Christen looked at her gently, running a hand over Peyton’s now drying hair again. “Since it’s after your bedtime, I am going to assume Tobin doesn’t know you’re here?”

 

Peyton shook her head no, dropping her eyes to her lap guiltily. “I snuck out of my room after she went to bed.”

 

Christen sighed softly, putting a finger under Peyton’s chin so the child would lift her head again and make eye contact.

 

“Listen, kiddo, I’m glad you made it over here safely, but you can’t ride your bike alone around town, okay? Especially after it’s dark. You’re too little for that yet and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you ever, okay?”

 

“Okay.” Peyton nodded, understanding Christen’s gentle words easily.

 

Christen reached out and pulled Peyton into a hug, letting her know it was okay. She truly was glad to see the kid, even if Tobin was definitely going to be mad about it when she found out.

 

“Christen?” Peyton asked then as she rested her head against Christen’s chest.

 

“Yeah?” Christen wondered softly.

 

Peyton pushed herself back up and looked at Christen a little more seriously. “Can you make Toby not be sad anymore?”

 

Christen swallowed thickly and ran a hand over Peyton’s cheek like she was trying to comfort the child.

 

“I want to, and I wish I could..” She nodded and cleared her throat a little. “But I’m not sure she’ll let me right now.”

 

“Why not?” Peyton asked. “You always make her more happy. We need you to come over cause we both really miss you and we get sad when you’re not there.”

 

“Cause, sweetie.” Christen paused, not totally sure how much she should say about the subject. “I think Tobin has got some stuff she’s gotta work out for herself before she’ll let me make her happy again. I just have to give her some space right now, I think.”

 

“Does it got to do with my mommy?” Peyton half-guessed, remembering what Tobin had told her earlier about her being sad.

 

“Yeah, it does.” Christen confirmed in a quiet voice.

 

Peyton nodded again. “She gets sad sometimes about it still. I try to make her feel better but usually it takes a little while.”

 

“Has she been sad like this a lot since your Mommy’s accident?”

 

“Yeah, before we knew you,” Peyton explained. “But then when you started coming over Toby always was so happy, so I thought she was better now.”

 

“That’s the tricky thing about being sad, honey.” Christen murmured. “Even if you don’t feel it for a long time, it can still come back whenever it wants to. You can't really control it, unfortunately.”

 

“I don’t like that.” Peyton sighed, chewing on her bottom lip like she was deep in thought about it.

 

“Me neither.” Christen shook her head with conviction. “But I want you to know that no matter what, I’m here for you both, okay? Even if Toby is too sad to see me, that doesn’t mean I’m not around.”

 

“Because you love us?” Peyton wondered as she looked up at Christen again.

 

“Yeah, I love you both so much.” Christen confirmed her thoughts easily.

 

“That’s what Toby said!” Peyton’s eyes lit up as she looked at Christen like she was some sort of magical being, like she hung the stars and the moon. “She said you’ll always love us.”

 

“She’s right.” Christen grinned again. “You’re very special to me, miss Peyton. That’s never gonna change, no matter what.”

 

Peyton smiled so happily at that, leaning into Christen again and wrapping her little arms around Christen’s midsection and snuggling in close to the older woman. That was all she had wanted to hear tonight, no longer feeling sad about missing Christen. She still had her right here.

 

They sat quietly on the couch like that for a few minutes until Peyton yawned tiredly, making Christen finally give in and do what she knew she needed to do.

 

“How about we call Toby and let her know you’re here?” She suggested.

 

“Do we hafta?” Peyton asked, “I can stay awake longer, I’m not even very tired.”

 

“Yeah, we do, sweetie.” Christen nodded. “She’s gonna wanna know you’re okay and you still have to go to school tomorrow, remember?”

 

“Okay.” Peyton agreed a little more somberly. “Do you think I’m gonna get in a lot of trouble from her?”

 

“We’ll see what she says, okay?” Christen offered, having no idea what kind of reaction Tobin was actually going to have to this. “But I’ll try and tell her to go easy on you.”

 

Peyton leaned up off of her again so Christen could get up and grab her phone from the bedroom, dialing Tobin’s number as she walked back out to the living room.

 

It rang until Tobin’s voicemail picked up, just like Christen had expected it to, and she tried to not let herself feel rejected again as she pulled up her texts and typed a message out instead.

 

 **{Hot Girlfriend: 10:44 pm}** _Sorry to bother you so late but Peyton biked to my house and she’s here right now. Obviously needed to let you know..._

 

She hated how apologetic and bothersome her text felt when she was texting her own damn girlfriend, locking her phone again as she sat down next to Peyton again while they waited for a response.

 

It was obvious that Tobin had seen Christen’s call and let it ring through, because she texted back only a minute later; probably after confirming that Peyton had indeed snuck out of the house as wasn’t at home anymore.

 

 **{Tobin <3: 10:45 pm} ** _I’m on my way_

 

Christen read it and then looked over at Peyton again. “She’s gonna come get you.”

 

Peyton nodded and let her eyes drop to her lap, twisting her hands together nervously. “I hope Toby isn’t too mad at me. I just wanted to see you.”

 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t come to you.” Christen frowned again. “I wish I could have, you know.”

 

“I know.” Peyton whispered.

 

The kid then got up off the couch and used the bathroom and by the time she was done, Tobin’s headlights were shining through the screen door as she pulled into the driveway.

 

Christen noticed that the rain had paused for a moment as she walked towards the front door and pushed the screen open, stepping out onto the porch with Peyton and Reese now trailing behind her.

 

She crouched down to be eye level with the kid again as they both heard Tobin’s truck door open and then slam shut again, looking at each other.

 

“Call me whenever you want to,” Christen whispered, running a hand over Peyton’s hair again. “I’m here, okay?”

 

“I know.” Peyton nodded.

 

“No more sneaking over though, okay? I’ll see you as soon as I can.”

 

“K.” Peyton agreed.

 

She then reached up and wrapped her arms around Christen’s neck and hugged her tightly one more time.

 

“I love you.” Christen whispered.

 

“I love you too.” Peyton returned.

 

They pulled back Christen stood up again, noticing that Tobin was standing next to Peyton’s bike now, waiting for them to break apart. Reese had joined her on the walkway, sniffing Tobin’s leg as he waited on a petting.

 

Nobody said anything for a moment until Tobin bent down and stood the bicycle up from where it was tipped over on the cement, barely even acknowledging Reese as she did.

 

“Go get in the truck, bud.” Tobin instructed then, looking up at Peyton like she was just so tired. “It’s time to go home.”

 

Peyton looked up at Christen and the older woman nodded when they made eye contact before Peyton listened and moved down the porch steps slowly with her eyes planted on the ground, not looking up until she was about halfway to Tobin.

 

“Am I in trouble, Toby?” She questioned as she came to a standstill, not being able to wait a moment longer to ask that when she was as nervous as she was.

 

“We’ll talk about it tomorrow, okay?” Tobin murmured as she bit the inside of her lip, honestly having no idea what type of reaction was necessary for this instance. They'd never dealt much with punishment before.

 

Peyton nodded again and rounded Tobin’s truck, pulling the passenger side door open and getting in like she was told.

 

Tobin sighed then and turned around to walk Peyton’s bike towards the back of her truck, lifting it up and putting it in the back next to the surfboard she already had stashed back there before she came back around towards the front again.

 

Christen moved down the porch steps slowly and came to a stop a few feet from her, having no idea what to do right now either, but hoping they would at least say something, _anything_ , to each other.

 

Tobin shoved her hands in her pockets and paused, opening her mouth like she was going to say something, but then closing it again when nothing came to mind.

 

Christen waited for a long beat, until it was clear that Tobin wasn’t going to be the one to break first before she couldn’t hold her words in any longer. She had to try.

 

“So that’s it? ….. Just… nothing?” She whispered loudly as she looked at Tobin forlornly.

 

Tobin’s eyes stayed focused on the sidewalk for a long moment as she swallowed, letting them finally drift up to make eye contact with her girlfriend slowly when she felt strong enough to do so.

 

_God, she’s missed her so much._

 

They held eye contact for what felt like forever as the raindrops started to fall again, dotting Tobin’s skin from where she stayed planted in the yard, trying to think of anything she could say that would make this feel a little better for either of them.

 

The words just wouldn’t come tonight, though.

 

Christen nodded then like she understood what Tobin’s silence meant, wiping a tear from her cheek as she did. Crying again now even though she hadn’t wanted to tonight. Tobin was hurting her heart too much to stop it, though.

 

She took a half a step back towards the house to head inside when she finally heard Tobin clear the lump in her throat.

 

“No...” Tobin choked out, trying to stop Christen before she got too far away, but her words getting caught momentarily. She paused for a moment and then tried again “No.. not nothing.” She finally uttered softly.

 

Christen halted her movements, waiting to see if Tobin was going to say anything else, practically holding her breath as she waited.

 

Tobin took several steps towards Christen then, wiping her own eyes as she did until she came to a stop right in front of her.

 

“Not nothing.” She repeated, “I just…" She bobbed her shoulders a little. "I just need some time, okay?”

 

Tobin waited until Christen’s eyes found hers and then gave her a pleading look, hoping to convey that she _was_ trying.

 

She hadn’t worked through her anger and shock completely yet and she wanted to be sure she did before she talked to Christen. Whether that was fair or not, it was what she needed. It was the only way they could have a productive and civilized conversation about everything and the only way it would solve anything in the long run.

 

There was a long moment of quiet eye contact between them before Christen nodded again, finally understanding what Tobin was saying with her silence.

 

As much as it was killing her and for as badly as she wanted them to talk, she still understood it from Tobin’s point of view. So she was willing to be patient for Tobin; for them.

 

It was like they were saying a million things to each other without saying anything at all.

 

Tobin reached up slowly and ran a hand through Christen’s hair then, finding the back of her head gently and holding her hand there as she leaned in and placed a kiss to Christen’s cheek, catching the tear that was rolling down Christen’s face with her lips. Tasting the salt in Christen’s tear as she licked her bottom lip.

 

“I love you.” Tobin whispered simply, offering the only thing she could get out tonight.

 

She needed time and she was suffering inside, but she still loved her more than anything. That much she was certain of.

 

Tobin leaned back and made eye contact with Christen for a split second before they both leaned in and brushed their lips together, sharing a brief, feather-light kiss for only a half a second before Tobin let her go again.

 

Christen stood rooted in her spot in front of the porch steps as Tobin stepped back slowly and finally retreated to her truck then, opening the door at half speed and climbing in before she pulled the door shut behind herself.

 

Christen let a sob escape her lips as Tobin started to back out of her driveway with Peyton in tow, but this time, it wasn’t for herself. It was for Tobin.

 

Because it was suddenly clear to her that Tobin wasn’t running from her, or avoiding her. She was running from her own demons. She had been trying to avoid them at all costs for far too long, but it was too late now and they had all but caught up with her.

 

They were out in the open for everyone to see, creating a battle with everyone in their path.

 

But Christen was going to stay and fight with her, no matter what. Her own pain didn’t matter anymore, as long as she could fight Tobin’s. And that’s exactly what she was going to do.

 

Christen folded her arms into herself across her stomach and held herself together as Tobin’s truck drove out of sight before Reese stood up from the sidewalk and moved to be next to her. Offering Christen’s hand a comforting lick, like he was trying to get her to feel better.

 

Christen let out a long sigh as she reached down at patted his head, thankful once again that she had him there so she wouldn’t feel so alone. She bent down and kissed his head, feeling herself getting more exhausted by the second until she stood up and headed for the house again.

 

As much of the battle fought that could be for one night. She’d start again in the morning.

  
  
  



	24. Us.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tell me how to be in this world  
> Tell me how to breathe in and feel no hurt  
> Tell me how 'cause I believe in something  
> I believe in us
> 
>  
> 
> .

Tobin put her truck in park and pulled her glasses off of her face slowly before she folded them together and put them down in the cup holder in the center console. She had been wearing her square framed lenses a lot lately instead of putting her contacts in on a daily basis, feeling like she was almost too exhausted with life to even do the smallest necessary tasks for the last week and a half.

 

She was miserable and just didn’t have the energy.

 

She scanned the beach in front of her for as far as she could see in both directions and to her relief found it to be empty, giving her exactly what she wanted right now. Some solitude and peace and quiet.

 

Tobin picked up her to-go cup of coffee that she had just gotten from Kilauea Bakery and took a long sip of her still-hot latte, swallowing slowly as she stared out the windshield at the gentle waves that were washing to shore, lost in thought for a long moment.

 

When she finally set the coffee back down in the other cup holder next to her glasses, she picked up the small business card that had been resting there, turning it over in her fingertips a couple times as she read it again.

 

**_Stephanie Misaki_ **

**_Grief Counselor, Family Therapist_ **

**_Professional Counseling of Hawaii LLC_ **

 

Tobin had gotten the therapist’s business card from the corkboard at the bakery a few minutes ago when she stopped in for coffee and breakfast on her way to the beach after dropping Peyton off at school.

 

The array of posters and business advertisements that were hung up above the coffee lids and creamer had caught her eye randomly, and she took the card and pocketed it before her old boss and friend who was working, Maggie, saw her do it and asked any questions.

 

As soon as she had climbed back into her truck she tossed the card into the cup holder, like ridding it from her pocket would help to separate the idea of it from her mind again.

 

Now here she sat, alone in her truck and unable to stop looking at it.

 

Pondering.

 

Feeling her stomach churn with each heavy rotation that the tiny piece of glossy paper made in her hand.

 

_Therapy._

 

It was such a foreign concept to Tobin.

 

Not that she didn’t know about it.

 

It was an idea that had been suggested to her dozens of times over the last almost-five years since Jessie’s death, but it was also one that she had dismissed without a second thought every single time.

 

Until now.

 

Now it was worse than it had ever been - that hole inside of Tobin’s chest. It wasn’t patching itself up the way it usually did after a bad spell and even Tobin was now realizing that she probably needed to do something about it before it was too late and she ruined everything.

 

Everyone around her was suffering because she was suffering and if she kept ignoring the pain the way she was used to ignoring it, only bad things were going happen.  

 

But _god_ , was it hard for her to accept that she truly needed help. That was against everything she thought she was as a person. She was so used to taking care of herself on her own.

 

Tobin clenched the card in both hands and let her eyes shut for a moment as she tried to just accept it. Letting her head fall back against the headrest behind her while trying to make the decision to _just go_.

 

To stop feeling so weak and finally ask for help.

 

She took a deep breath in through her nose and let it out slowly as she quickly heard a familiar voice echoing in her head.

 

_“I don’t know why this is so hard for you, Tobs... Stop being so stubborn and fix this.”_

 

Jessie’s voice was right there in Tobin’s mind, just like it usually was at times like these _._

 

“I’m trying.” Tobin whispered back softly in response.

 

_“Oh bullshit… You’re not trying. Not really anyway.”_

 

Tobin felt herself getting more frustrated by the second.

 

“How can you say that? I try so hard every day for you.” She shook her head angrily, pausing as she felt her throat tighten. “I’m doing all of this for you, you know...”

 

_"Well, I’m not asking you to! I'm not asking you to push away everything in your life for me, so don’t even try to blame me right now.”_

 

Tobin felt the tears well up in her closed eyes as she crumpled the business card in her hand, squeezing it until it was a tiny ball of paper in her fist because of how frustrated she was.

 

“I just can’t stop missing you. I hate that you’re gone.” Tobin whispered sadly after a moment. "I’m still so mad at you.”

 

Tobin would swear she could feel Jessie’s presence there with her. A warmth around that she needed in her darkest hour. The way she always felt her best friend’s presence when she was alone and needing to talk.

 

 _“Tobs, listen to me, okay? I need you to hear me."_  Jessie’s voice echoed in her mind again. _“You don’t have to miss me... I’m here with you and Peyton always, no matter what. I’m everywhere that you are and I will never leave you.”_

 

Tobin let a few tears run down her cheek as she listened to the voice in her head, not even bothering to wipe them away; afraid that if she moved at all, she’d lose the connection to Jessie she currently had.

 

_“I want you to move on and be happy again. Stop being so stuck in one place. Stop ruining things with everyone around you when you don’t have to.”_

 

“I’m not trying to ruin anything but it feels like I’m the only one who still cares that you’re gone...” Tobin husked out. “Nobody else gets it…”

 

_“That’s not true, everyone else is just continuing to live their lives. It’s not that they don’t care.”_

 

“Then why am I the only one who is still sad?” Tobin questioned out loud. “Why won’t someone else understand my feelings?”

 

_“Christen understands them... Or at least, she wants to try and understand them if you’d let her…”_

 

Tobin buried her face in her hands and took a few deep breaths at the same time, forcing herself to calm down.

 

_“Tobs, she’s the one for you. Let her help you. Let her love you the way you need her to. She’s everything to you and Peyton and that’s all that matters to me. Why would you care about her past when it had nothing to do with you? Stop blaming her for your emotions and learn to deal with them on your own.”_

 

Tobin let out a long audible sigh like she was trying to take her dead best friend’s advice.

 

 _“If you don’t fix everything with her I’m going to be so mad at you.”_ Tobin could just hear Jessie’s teasing tone as if she were there. _“My daughter loves her so you better not ruin it for them or I will haunt your ass forever.”_

 

Tobin couldn’t help but let out a snot-filled laugh through her nose, unclenching her fists and letting her body relax a little bit. “God, I love her so much… Can you tell how much I love her?”

 

_“I can tell and I’m so happy for you. So stop pushing her away and fix this. For yourself and Peyton. Because you both really need her.”_

 

Tobin marveled at the thought of Christen getting her best friend’s approval, thinking for a long moment about how well they would have gotten along. She felt the need to point it out.

 

“I know I’ve told you this before but you’d be best friends. She’d probably like you way better than she likes me…” Tobin half-smiled, waiting for Jessie’s sarcastic response.

 

_“Everyone likes me better…”_

 

That had always been Jessie’s favorite line and Tobin could hear her saying it so clearly again right now, starting to feel a little happier than she had been a few minutes ago.

 

It was like Jessie could sense her moods. Like she’d said just enough to bring Tobin back from the brink before she had to go again.

 

 _“Promise me you’re gonna try to get past this?”_ Her voice ran through Tobin’s mind one last time then. _“It’s time to move on, Tobin...”_

 

“I promise I’ll try.” Tobin nodded and opened her eyes, wiping her tears again as she looked to her right.

 

She was expecting to see Jessie sitting right there in the passenger's seat, giving her the look she always gave Tobin when she knew she was right about something; her eyebrows raised with a confident smirk on her face.

 

Tobin sighed and shook her head again when the seat was as empty as can be, realizing she had been talking to nobody but herself.

 

"I really am going crazy."Tobin murmured with exhaustion again.

 

She wiped her face once more and then unfolded the therapist’s business card she had crumpled in her left hand and let out another breath. She then reached for her phone and dialed the number on the card, but stopped herself right before she hit the call button and then set her phone back down.

 

“After surfing, I’ll call.” She said out loud again, making sure Jessie heard her. Just so she would know she was keeping her promise.

 

Tobin then pulled her keys out of the ignition and pushed her door open to hop out of the truck so she could put her wetsuit.

 

With only one thing on her mind.

 

After surfing, she _was_ going to call. ****

**xxx**

 

When Tobin got out of the water a couple hours later she had fully made up her mind. She was going to schedule an appointment to see someone.

 

The thought of doing it alone - going alone - terrified her, though.

 

All she wanted was for Christen to be there with her as some sort of moral support.

 

But with the way things were between them currently, she knew how selfish it would be to ask that of her girlfriend right now.

 

They needed to talk first.

 

So as soon as Tobin had her tank top and shorts back on and had rung out her hair enough so it would air dry, she grabbed her phone from the cup holder again and pulled up Christen’s text string.

 

She could physically feel how nervous she was as she typed out a single word and quickly hit send without second guessing it, unsure if she was even going to get a reply from Christen after a week of silence between them.

 

 **{Tobin <3: 11:10 am} ** _Hi_

 

It felt lame and unworthy, but no matter what, Tobin figured it was a start at trying to find their way back to normal.

 

It’d been seven days since they’d talked at all; since the night Peyton snuck out and rode her bike to Christen’s house without permission. It was obvious that Christen was respecting Tobin’s wishes of needing more time by not reaching out, but it still pained Tobin all the same with every day that passed where they had no contact.

 

Tobin felt a wave of guilt run through her body because of it, knowing it was exactly what she had asked for.

 

Before she could beat herself up about it too much again right now, her phone dinged her in hand, sending another surge of nerves through her as she saw the response she was hoping for pop up on her home screen.

 

 **{Hot Girlfriend: 11:12 am}** _Hi_

 

Tobin bit the inside of her cheek at the short and pointed response she received from Christen, stupidly expecting something more, like she hadn’t been the one giving her girlfriend the cold shoulder lately.

 

She didn’t know what to say back so she just sent the only thing she could think of that would hopefully keep the conversation going.

 

 **{Tobin <3: 11:13 am} ** _How are you_

 

Tobin rolled her eyes to herself. _How do you think she is, you idiot?_

 

 **{Hot Girlfriend: 11:17 am}** _I’m… idk.. hanging in there, I guess._

 

Tobin had been the same; hanging in there - barely.

 

 **{Tobin <3: 11:17 am} ** _Yeah I know…_

 

She decided to just skip the small talk and get to the point, knowing simple texts would be pointless until the worked through things anyway.

 

 **{Tobin <3: 11:17 am} ** _Would you be willing to meet up with me tomorrow afternoon to talk?_

 

When no reply came right away, Tobin sent a follow-up text, explaining her request a little more.

 

 **{Tobin <3: 11:21 am} ** _I know you probably have work but PJ is gone on a school thing all day so we’d have some time alone_

 

A few more minutes passed before Christen’s reply came in, making Tobin wonder in the meantime if she was going to tell her no.

 

 **{Hot Girlfriend: 11:24 am}** _Okay_

 

When Tobin read the response, she let out a slow breath, finally letting herself relax a little more. Feeling like there was hope for them yet.

 

 **{Tobin <3: 11:25 am} ** _Okay_

 **{Tobin <3: 11:25 am} ** _Will you meet me at our beach? Maybe like 3:00?_

 

 **{Hot Girlfriend: 11:28 am}** _I’ll be there_

 

 **{Tobin <3: 11:29 am} ** _Ok. See you then_

 

It was the lightest Tobin had felt since they’d been in California together. Even if their short conversation just now wasn’t worth much, it was worth something. It was a step in the right direction and Tobin let herself be okay what that much for now.

 

She then reached inside of her truck again and grabbed the wrinkled business card from earlier and finally dialed the number. Making good on her promise to Jessie.

 

Starting to try and move forward.

 

**xxx**

 

Tobin’s truck was already parked in the tiny, deserted parking lot at Kauapea Beach when Christen pulled in just a few minutes after 3:00 the following day.

 

She could see Tobin’s figure sitting in the sand in the distance from where she parked next to Tobin’s truck, feeling herself get nervous as soon as she shut her car off.

 

Christen had been anxious about this all day, barely being able to concentrate on anything at all during work, so she instead spent her day going over the countless things she wanted to say to Tobin this afternoon.

 

Now though, she felt like she’d forgotten everything she had rehearsed over and over in her mind, all of it gone right out the window as soon as they were about to be in front of each other again.

 

Christen took a minute to settle herself before she got out of her car and looped her purse over her shoulder, locking her doors before stepping out of her strappy sandals and bending down to pick them up so she could walk barefoot through the soft sand to where her girlfriend was waiting.

 

She noticed that Tobin had uncharacteristically brought a blanket for them to sit on, which was spread out underneath her now as she waited, signaling to Christen that the older woman planned on them being there for a while.

 

Christen appreciated the miniscule gesture, remembering a playful debate that they’d had in the past about sitting directly in the sand and how uncomfortable Christen thought it was. Tobin had insisted then that she preferred it, loving the feeling of the hot sand underneath her legs and feet like someone native to these parts would.

 

They agreed to disagree.

 

Christen didn’t know exactly what to do as she got closer, unsure if Tobin could hear her coming and not wanting to startle her as she sat facing the water with her back to the parking lot.

 

Christen cleared her throat softly when she was a step away, causing Tobin to turn around at the noise as Christen came to a standstill right next to her on the blanket.

 

They locked eyes and both felt the butterflies in their stomachs at the same time again, both even more nervous now, almost as if they were meeting for the first time.

 

“Hey.” Tobin smiled softly with tired eyes, being the first one to break the silence between them.

 

“Hey.” Christen returned, looking down at the open area of blanket next to Tobin as if she was asking if she should sit.

 

Tobin followed the path of Christen’s eyes and then scooted over a little more to her left, giving Christen more space to sit down next to her like it’d be dangerous if they touched.

 

Tobin waited until Christen was situated before she reached for one of the coffee’s she had picked up on her way. “I ah… I got you a coffee.” She murmured quietly, handing over a small covered to-go cup to Christen as she said it. “I know how you like your afternoon caffeine fix and I wasn’t sure if you’ve had one today or not...”

 

“Oh..” Christen took the cup out of Tobin’s hand gently. “Thanks…”

 

Tobin just nodded as Christen took a sip of the liquid, softening a little at Tobin’s thoughtfulness and the fact that she knew her so well. It was like Christen had momentarily forgotten that fact with them being so distant from each other lately.

 

They both sat quietly for a minute staring out at the water in front of them, feeling more than a little awkward and not knowing how to even start. It just felt so daunting to both of them.

 

Finally, Tobin spoke up first.

 

“Remember the last time we were here?” She whispered as she locked her hands together over her knees that were pulled up in front of her.

 

She, of course, was thinking of the impromptu trip they’d had to this same beach a month ago, just a couple weeks before their trip to California.

 

It had been a mid-day meet up where Christen had left work early to join Tobin for some fun in the sun on a Friday afternoon.

 

They swam topless for an hour with nobody else in sight and then _almost_ had sex on the beach, before they were interrupted by some random tourists who had found their secluded hideaway; ruining their privacy just as Tobin had looped her fingers through Christen’s bikini bottoms and was about to pull them down.

 

They had called this beach _‘their beach’_ ever since.

 

They both silently recalled how in love they felt with each other that day. How on their drive home that afternoon all they could think about was how happy they were together and how they never wanted to be apart from each other again.

 

Christen let out a half laugh through her nose at the memory, although it wasn’t in a humorous way. It almost was a sad scoff.

 

“Yeah, I remember.” She responded with a nod, not daring to look anywhere but out at the water in that moment.

 

She went quiet for a minute and then shook her head in a whisper. “How are we so far away from that now? How did we get so lost?”

 

Tobin felt her throat tighten at Christen’s words, turning her head to look over at her girlfriend, both of them making eye contact with each other finally, trying to answer those exact questions.

 

“I never meant for us to get so broken.” Tobin whispered back, feeling the tears threatening to rise to the surface.

 

She cleared her throat once, knowing she needed to be stronger than that if she wanted to get through this conversation fully.

 

Christen let out a breath and let her eyes drop to the blanket under them before she turned back to face the water, a million thoughts running through her mind, unsure of how to articulate them.

 

Tobin took the silence as her cue to continue, realizing she had to be the one to lead this.

 

“I owe you an apology…” She finally started again. “Actually, several, I’m sure, but for starters… I’m sorry that I left you in San Francisco…”

 

She paused, but before she could go any further, Christen spoke up again. Her tone less understanding this time.

 

“Then why did you?”

 

“I…” Tobin mumbled and let her head drop low. “That night fucked me up so much and I just… I couldn’t stay. Like, I physically couldn't. All I could do was run away from it all because I was afraid I was going to do something really dumb if I didn’t…”

 

Christen pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them and then buried her face into herself for a moment before she lifted her head again when she was ready to respond.

 

“Outside of that being really embarrassing for me to just get left by my girlfriend in the middle of one of my best friend’s weddings.. I needed you that night, Tobin... how did you not know that I’d be hurt by finding all that shit out, too?”

 

“Because _I_ was hurt.” Tobin returned quickly, her voice getting a little louder as she was starting to get worked up and more angry. “I was hurt by him and I was hurt by you. How could you have ever been with that guy?” She clenched her fists together. “ _God_ , it makes me so mad even thinking about that. I can’t fucking deal with it. And the fact that you never wanted to talk about him with me after we met.. What was I supposed to think? You made it seem like you were hiding him for a reason.”

 

She tried to take a breath but Christen shot back right away, anger filling her voice, too.

 

“Do you actually think I had any idea about what a piece of shit he was when I was with him? Do you think it makes me happy that - not only did he cheat on me repeatedly - but he also walked out on a child? What, you think I look back on that with good memories? Do you think he was just someone I wanted to talk about all the time?”

 

“Did you know?” Tobin cut her off again, unable to stop herself from asking the one question that had been driving her insane over the past ten days. “About him having a kid? About Peyton? Did you know about him being her dad?”

 

Christen was seething instantly.

 

“Are you kidding me? Of course I didn’t know. I would never have just been okay with that… I would have never willingly been with someone who would do that. _Jesus, Tobin_ , I thought you would have known that about me but I guess not…”

 

“No.. I…” Tobin started but then stopped again, not even sure how to argue her point anymore.

 

They both went quiet and looked away from each other, both of them surprised at how quickly this talk had turned into an all out argument.

 

Christen could tell out of the corner of her eye that Tobin was clenching her jaw tightly and balling up her fists because of how mad she was, which she pointed it out bluntly after a moment.

 

“To be honest, I think it’s pretty clear that you have anger issues.”

 

“Yeah, well, I’ve got a lot of fucking issues so just add it to the list.” Tobin snapped back, further proving Christen’s point.

 

“Even the way you talk to me when you’re mad...” Christen turned to look at Tobin again then. “Do you not hear yourself? Does it not matter to you how you treat me?”

 

Tobin didn’t say anything else for a moment, turning her head even farther to the left away from her girlfriend, trying to calm herself down.

 

After a long moment, she let out a sigh and let her head drop to her knees.

 

Christen didn’t comment further. She could tell Tobin was struggling with her inner-monologue.

 

More than a full minute later, Tobin finally lifted her head again, this time with tears in her eyes from her own guilt. She looked back over at Christen and they made eye contact again.

 

“Tobs…” Christen softened from her own anger, reaching out to cup Tobin’s cheek gently.

 

It was an instinct more than anything, trying to sooth Tobin and her emotions, but Christen was also trying to get them to reset. She wanted this to be a conversation and not just an argument. She knew they’d never make any progress if they kept only trying to cut each other down.

 

“I’m sorry.” Tobin mumbled as she cleared her throat. “Of course it matters to me how I treat you and how I talk to you. I have a lot about myself that I need to work on and I know that it’s not an excuse but I’m sorry.”

 

She reached up and grabbed Christen’s hand that was cupping her face and laced their fingers together softly, giving them the most contact they’d had in days. Letting Christen’s soft touch ground her a little, just like it always did.

 

Christen held on for a moment and then gave Tobin’s hand a squeeze before she pulled back again. She wasn’t ready to give in yet.

 

“Are we here because you want to try and work through this with me?” She started over, waiting for a response from Tobin.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin nodded, clasping her own hands together again now that Christen had let her hand go.

 

“Do you think you can love me the way you used to before all of this?” Christen wondered next. “Will we be able to move past this or is it too late for you?”

 

“Chris…” Tobin sighed like she was upset that she was even being asked that. It wasn’t even a question.

 

“No.. I need to know.” Christen held firm. “I need to that know this didn’t ruin me for you. I need to know that you’ll be able to look at me with clear eyes again and not be stuck on this forever.”

 

Tobin paused for a second to really collect her thoughts, knowing she needed to get this right.

 

“I want us to fix this.” Tobin answered her then. “I’m in love with you and I don’t want to lose you. I’m here because I want to fight for us and fix myself and love you the way you deserve to be loved. That’s why I’m here.”

 

They held eye contact for a moment, with Tobin trying to convey her seriousness through her soft brown eyes, waiting until Christen nodded.

 

“Okay.” She whispered in agreement. “Then let’s figure out how to work through this.”

 

Christen picked up her coffee and took a sip, buying them some time to settle themselves again before they got back into the hard conversation ahead of them. Feeling like they’d only gone backwards so far.

 

Tobin was the one to break the silence again a minute later.

 

“I’m sure you have a lot that you need to yell at me for and say to me about everything, but if it’s okay with you, I’d like to start with a couple questions that I need answered from you in order to get over this…” She looked at Christen seriously. “Whatever the truth is, I will try and be calm and work through it, I just need to know, okay?”

 

“Yeah, okay.” Christen agreed, knowing she had nothing to hide about her past. “I would never lie to you.”

 

“I know.” Tobin mumbled.

 

Christen waited as Tobin messed with the coffee cup in her hands, watching her crack the plastic lid a couple times with nerves before she lifted her eyes and tried again.

 

“You said you didn’t know about Peyton...” Tobin practically whispered before she raised her voice a little more so Christen could hear her. “...but did you know he did a study abroad program in Hawaii?”

 

“Yeah, I knew about it.” Christen nodded slowly. “We vacationed on Maui together a couple years ago because he wanted to come back and see some of the places that he used to hang out at.”

 

Tobin rolled her eyes before she could stop herself but Christen did her best not to react.

 

“Were you with him before he came here?” Tobin wondered next.

 

Christen had been so vague about her past relationship so far that Tobin barely even knew the timeline of it, making her question everything now.

 

“No, I didn’t know him then.” Christen answered her patiently. “We met right before the Spring semester of my Junior year and started dating a couple months later. He had been back to Stanford at the beginning of the Fall so it had been a few months since he had been here.”

 

Tobin nodded, crossing off one of the biggest fears on her list of them being together while he and Jessie were also a thing.

 

“And he never mentioned anything to you about getting a girl pregnant?”

 

“No, Tobs.” Christen insisted, trying to reiterate her surprise on this again. “He never told me about anything from that summer other than he said it was fun. I didn’t even know he had dated anyone while he was here. He’s an asshole and a liar.”

 

“If you knew he was such a liar then why were you with him for so long?” Tobin wondered exasperatedly, clenching her jaw a little again. Trying to keep herself under control at the thought of Christen being with anyone else, let alone such an awful person like Dominic.

 

Christen laughed without humor.

 

“Because I’m a fucking idiot and he had me fooled.” She shrugged her shoulders sarcastically. “Is that what you want me to admit? Because I will. I’m a fucking fool who got played for years. Does that make you happy to hear?”

 

“It just makes no sense.” Tobin sighed, covering her face with her hands for a moment and then running them down to her chin before they dropped back to her lap. “How could someone as amazing as you be with someone as terrible as him. I don’t fucking get it. He didn’t deserve you.”

 

“Well, sorry to disappoint you with my previous relationships but I can’t change it now.” Christen scoffed, feeling like she was being ridiculed for it.

 

“That’s not what I meant and you know it, Chris...” Tobin returned.

 

“No, that’s exactly what you meant… no matter what I’m still getting in trouble for it…” Christen recoiled a little more.

 

“Oh come on.. I’m not saying you’re in trouble, I just…” Tobin let out a frustrated groan again. “Just.. can’t you realize how much it messes with me that you were with him? I’ve spent the last six years hating the existence of you in the sense that I’ve hated whoever was with him while he walked away from Jessie and Peyton. And then to find out it was you that I was hating all this time? It’s not easy to just wrap my mind around that.”

 

“Don’t you think it messes with _me_ to find out that I very seriously dated someone for five years who happened to have a kid the whole time? That I was in love with someone who was _and is_ a terrible person without knowing it?” Christen echoed right back. “God, Tobin, stop being so selfish for one second and look at it from my point of view. This is killing me. I feel disgusted with myself. I _hurt_ inside for Peyton, knowing that he didn’t want to be a part of her life while he was in my life.”

 

There were tears filling Christen’s eyes now as she chastised herself undeservingly.

 

“If I could take it all back, I would in a heartbeat. But I can’t and I’d really like to stop feeling guilty for it at some point…” She wiped the wetness away from her cheeks and turned to look out at the water again.

 

Tobin felt her stomach drop then at the realization that she was the one making Christen feel the most guilty. She was the one causing Christen to be so upset.

 

Through her anger and confusion, Tobin was placing blame on Christen, even when she was a victim too. How could she have been so careless?

 

“Okay, you’re right…” Tobin quietly conceded, finally knowing that she was in the wrong here. Like a light bulb just finally went off in her head and clued her in on everything that happened. “You’re right and I’m sorry. You shouldn’t feel guilty about something you couldn’t control.”

 

Christen didn’t say anything to acknowledge that.

 

“As we sit here I am realizing that it’s not you that I’m mad at, it’s him, and I shouldn't be taking it out on you.” Tobin murmured. “I didn’t mean to get so mad at you.”

 

“Well, you need to find a way to deal with your anger." Christen insisted as she cleared the lump in her throat, forcing herself to keep it together.

 

She had more she still needed to say and wasn’t going to let Tobin off the hook yet.

 

“Look, Tobin… I love you so much, and I want to help you through this, but I’m not going to wait forever for you to figure this out.” Christen continued with an level voice, letting Tobin know how serious she was about it. “I can’t keep getting whiplash from your emotions every time something mildly upsetting comes up about Peyton or Jessie or Dominic.”

 

Tobin opened her mouth to argue again but Christen stopped her, knowing exactly what she was going to say.

 

“I’m not saying this news is small or just mildly upsetting, but other things that you’ve gotten mad about in the past _have_ been. Like that day when Peyton was sick. You freaked out on everyone when people were just doing their jobs.”

 

Tobin just settled her eyes on the sand in front of them, taking in everything that Christen was saying.

 

“Also,” Christen continued. “I can’t keep getting left stranded on vacations because you can’t face me or be a grown-up enough to talk things through. It’s embarrassing and childish and that’s not the kind of dramatic relationship I’m willing to be in. We’re adults, Tobin.”

 

“I know.” Tobin mumbled, her eyes still focused on the sand in front of them.

 

“You’re the one who made the rule that we’d always talk about things and you can’t just go back on that whenever you want.” Christen finished. "It's so unfair to me."

 

“Okay.” Tobin agreed with a small nod as she lifted her eyes to meet Christen’s again. “You’re right.”

 

“I know I am.” Christen shrugged seriously, feeling like she’d made her point finally.

 

They held eye contact for a moment and then both turned to look out towards the water again, letting another spell of silence wash over them as they processed everything that had just been said.

 

“If it’s my turn again, I’d like to ask something of you for the future...” Tobin finally whispered after they’d sat there looking the opposite way of each other for a bit.

 

Christen looked over at Tobin and nodded slightly.

 

“Sometimes I’m probably going to need to talk about Dominic.” Tobin husked out. “Going forward, there are going to be times when I’m curious about things in his past or needing to figure out how to tell Peyton about him, and I would really appreciate it if you’d help me and talk about him with me. Even if it’s hard for you, I’d like it if we didn’t just completely shut out the topic of him like we did before just because he’s your ex.”

 

Now it was Christen’s turn to sigh and although she wasn’t thrilled with the idea and really did wish they could just move on from him, she also realized that wasn’t ever going to be completely possible now with Peyton in her life. So she couldn’t do anything but agree.

 

“We can talk about him and see who gets the most mad first.” She tried to joke but it just felt stale in her mouth as she said it.

 

She waited a second before she looked over at Tobin again and they both barely smiled at it.

 

“I have one more favor to ask of you...” Tobin practically mumbled again after a moment, getting to the part she’d been dreading thinking about since yesterday.

 

She kept talking before Christen could even acknowledge her.

 

“It’s about the anger thing…”

 

She let her eyes find the ground again, almost like she was embarrassed to be bringing it up, even though she had no reason to be embarrassed in front of Christen.

 

“I ah… I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon with a grief counselor or a _therapist_ or whatever…”

 

Christen stayed silent as she waited for Tobin to continue, letting explain this on her own terms.

 

“I didn’t want to tell you about it right away when you got here because I didn’t want you to think I’m only doing it as a way to try and get you to stay with me…”

 

She bit her lip for a moment.

 

“I mean, I do want you to stay with me, of course.” She continued, pointing it out again just in case it wasn’t clear to Christen that she wanted them to be together. “But I also realize that seeing someone is important for me if I want to get better. Which I do. Because I’m _so tired_ of feeling so sad and mad at life all the time. I want to be better for myself and I want to be better for you and for Peyton; I want to be able to give you both all the love that you deserve.”

 

Tobin lifted her eyes again, finding Christen’s soft green irises staring at her gently.

 

“I’m really nervous about it though, and, _if you’d believe it_ , I’m not really looking forward to it, but I _am_ going… I just... I’m not sure I can do it without you. So I was wondering if you would come with me? I’m wondering if we are okay enough for you to come..”

 

Tobin paused again tapped her fingers on her knee for a moment and then rushed out the rest of her request.

 

“You can just sit there and you don’t have to talk, I just want to know that you’ll be in the room. There is no pressure to make this a couples counseling session or anything but if you’d be there for me, I’d be really grateful.”

 

“It’s tomorrow you said?” Christen wondered softly.

 

“Yeah, tomorrow at 1:45.” Tobin responded. “For an hour before Peyton gets out of school.”

 

“Okay.” Christen nodded, knowing there was no way she’d be able to say no when Tobin needed her.

 

She knew she had a 2:00 meeting that she’d need to reschedule but she’d make it work. It was important to her because Tobin is important to her.

 

“Of course I’ll be there.” Christen assured her.

 

“Thank you.” Tobin murmured. “That means a lot to me.” She let her eyes meet Christen’s again. “You mean a lot to me.”

 

Christen nodded because she did know that. Even through all of the shit, she still knew that.

 

She reached out and grabbed Tobin’s hand and linked their fingers together momentarily.

 

“You mean a lot to me, too. You and Peyton both do.”

 

That made Tobin smile as they let go of each other again.

 

“She misses you so much, you know…” Tobin murmured after a moment, knowing they were both still thinking of their favorite eight-year-old.  

 

“I miss her too.” Christen agreed. “My life is way too quiet when Peyton isn’t around.”

 

“I know… Keeping her from you has been so hard.” Tobin swallowed thickly, feeling all the guilt come back again. “She asks about you every day.”

 

Christen sighed lightly. “Well, maybe I can see her soon… Take her for ice cream or something...”

 

There was still an air of uncertainty between them and how they were going to move forward after this conversation but Tobin couldn’t do anything but agree to that.

 

“Yeah, I’m sure she would really like that.” She nodded slowly.

 

“What field trip did her class have today?”

 

“They’re out at the Keahua Arboretum for Science class.” Tobin answered her. “This morning when I asked her what she was most excited to see today she told me all of the bugs and spiders.”

 

Tobin grinned slightly as she and Christen made eye contact.

 

“That kid is so weird...” Christen smiled lovingly too.

 

“I know, it really makes you wonder who is raising her?” Tobin questioned sarcastically.

 

“It’s all your fault.” Christen shrugged with a teasing grin.

 

They both laughed quietly, feeling like there was a brief semblance of _them_ that was back before they went quiet again as Christen pulled out her phone to check the time.

 

“I should probably go.” She murmured as she noticed it was already 4:30. “I have a yoga class at 5:00 that I should try and make since I already paid for it.”

 

Tobin looked at her curiously. “You signed up for a yoga class?”

 

“Yeah, last week was my first week.” Christen dropped her eyes to her lap. “I ah.. I didn’t have anything else to do with my evening and I’ve been wanting to get back into it so I went and joined a twelve week class. It’s every Tuesday.”

 

Tobin hated the feeling in her chest of not already knowing that.

 

Not that it mattered to her at all that Christen was doing something like that because she was happy that her girlfriend found something she loved, but just that they had been so far from speaking that she wasn’t even aware of it.

 

“Good for you.” Tobin smiled lightly, genuinely.

 

Christen just nodded as she put her phone back in her purse.

 

They made eye contact a moment later, trying to figure out how to say goodbye to each other as they both stood up from the blanket.

 

“I know we’re not, like, completely okay…” Tobin whispered then, still feeling the tension between them “...but are we _okay_? Like a little? Like we're going to make it through this?”

 

Christen nodded. “Yeah… I… yeah.” She sighed then. “Ugh, _God_ , I hate how awkward this feels. It’s you and me. We shouldn’t be feeling like this in front of each other when it’s just _us_...”

 

Instead of responding, Tobin just reached out for her, pulling Christen into herself and wrapping her arms around her shoulders tightly, breathing in the smell of Christen’s shampoo and letting it sooth her as much as possible.

 

Christen buried her face in Tobin’s neck and felt her throat tightening again as she inhaled Tobin’s familiar scent in return.

 

They’d missed each other so much.

 

They hung onto each other for a long time until Tobin finally let her arms loosen and Christen stood up straight again, making eye contact with her girlfriend again.

 

“Walking away without kissing you feels impossible right now, but I also just… I don’t think we’re there yet.” Christen admitted like she felt guilty about it.

 

“I understand.” Tobin nodded solemnly, agreeing to forego the one thing she wanted to do so badly right now.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Christen wondered instead of saying anything else on the subject.

 

“Yeah, I hope so.” Tobin whispered. “I’ll text you the address.”

 

“I’ll be there for you.” Christen reiterated before she bent down to pick up her sandals again. “I’m gonna…” She pointed behind herself towards her car.

 

“Yeah, go. Make your class.” Tobin husked out. “I’m gonna stay and think for a while.”

 

“Alright.” Christen murmured as she took a half step back.

 

“I love you.” Tobin whispered.

 

Christen nodded softly without saying anything in return.  

 

Tobin nodded too at Christen’s lack of response, accepting that they weren’t going to be able to just fall right back into their old ways like it was nothing. This time apart - this separation, this fight - it had changed them.  It couldn’t have not changed them.

 

So Tobin had no choice but to patient and to keep working, hoping in the long run they were going to be changed for the better after going through this together. Believing that they were going to be stronger because of it. Knowing it’s just who they are as people, and as a couple.  

 

Christen fixed her purse and let out a breath and gave Tobin one last look and then slowly turned around to walk away without another word, fighting back tears as she went. Forcing herself not to turn back around and run directly to Tobin again. Forcing herself to go slow so that they could fix this the right way.

 

When Christen finally drove away, Tobin found her spot in the sand again and let herself stare out at the horizon in front of her, watching as the sun suddenly peeked through the cloud covered sky at the perfect time, almost as if it were speaking to her.

 

Feeling comforted instantly while knowing that even in the dark they were always going to find their way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up splitting this chapter into two parts from my original outline and this was the best place to stop. Chapter 25 will have more progress. Thanks for hanging in there with me.


	25. Coming Home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby, how I'd be grieving  
> If you wanted to leave me all alone now  
> By myself, I don't want nobody else  
> The world leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, girl  
> You're the only one that I want
> 
>  
> 
> .

“I’d like you to tell me about that day.”

 

Tobin lifted her head from where her eyes had been concentrated on the floor in front of her to lock eyes with the older woman across from her, Stephanie; who was, as of forty-five minutes ago, her new therapist.

 

The kind-yet-serious looking woman was holding a pad of paper in her lap and a pen in her right hand, periodically jotting down small notes as she led the conversation they’d been having since the start of Tobin’s session.

 

They eased into it a little, making small talk in the awkward way you do when you first meet someone, before Stephanie slowly transformed into therapy mode without Tobin even realizing it was happening, until they were thoroughly and seamlessly submersed in the topics of Tobin’s current state of mind.

 

Stephanie had dark salt and pepper hair, with a pair of circular glasses resting on top of her head, which, so far, had gone unused. Tobin somehow assumed that meant they were more for show than actual necessity.

 

The glasses seemed like such a therapist's prop to her. Like every therapist or counselor she’d ever seen on tv or in a movie always had glasses on so that they could look over them at their patients when judgement was needed.

 

That thought had been filling Tobin’s mind for the last few seconds until Stephanie finished writing her note and asked her previous question, pulling Tobin back to reality.

 

“That day?” Tobin questioned softly for clarification.

 

She already knew which day Stephanie was referring to, but she asked it anyway, wanting to delay her need to answer for as long as possible.

  


“The day of the accident.” Stephanie murmured gently. “I get the impression that you don’t talk about it much, if ever. Can you take me through it? I think it might be best if we work our way from there.”

 

So far they had touched on a few different things. Mainly the reason why Tobin was there and how she was currently feeling, and what she thought was bringing those feelings on. All of which led to Tobin telling Stephanie about Jessie’s accident and the death of her best friend, and the fact that her girlfriend’s ex was the father of the kid she was raising, and how she’d felt like her life had changed completely since the day Jessie died.

 

Now that they’d gotten the summary out of the way and clarified the twisted web of connections between Tobin and Christen’s pasts and present, Stephanie wanted to start from the beginning.

 

Tobin cleared her throat once and sat up just a touch as she nodded slightly, thinking over her answer momentarily.

 

She then looked down at her hand that was intertwined with Christen’s, the same way it’d been since Tobin reached out for her girlfriend at the first sign of uneasiness that she’d felt, no more than a minute into their conversation.

 

Tobin turned their hands over so the back of her hand was resting on the couch, reminding herself again that they were there to help.

 

“The day of…” Tobin spoke then, letting out a breath through pursed lips like she was letting the daunting thought of talking about it escape along with the air in her lungs so that she could open up.

 

“Okay well… It was a Thursday.” Tobin whispered, scrunching her eyebrows together as she thought back to it, letting her eyes find the patterned rug on the floor in front of her again.

 

She paused and shook her head just as quickly as she had started when her current train of thought didn’t seem good enough.

 

Tobin gently let go of Christen’s hand then so she could lean forward until her elbows were resting on her thighs, feeling the anxiousness inside of her stomach that she was trying to push away.

 

It was quiet in the room for a full minute as Tobin gathered her thoughts, with nobody else trying to rush her. They just let her take her time until the words came.

 

When they finally did, they were on a new path than a moment ago. Her voice much more subdued.

 

“The thing they don’t tell you about it is how lonely it is…” Tobin finally murmured in reflection. “The day you lose someone, I mean…”

 

“You hear about people losing friends and family and you hear about how sad they are, but you never hear about the moments right after it happens…”

 

She paused for a moment before elaborating.

 

“They don’t tell you that one day you’ll drive to the beach with your best friend and then end up having to drive home alone with all of her stuff sitting in the front seat that she left behind because she just…. died...”

 

Tobin swallowed once, feeling the emotions rising to the surface in her throat.

 

“They don’t tell you that you won’t be allowed in the ambulance with her while they’re trying to do CPR because you aren’t legally a family member, even though you’ve been the closest thing to a real family that she’s had all of her life….”

 

Her voice cracked a little, but she kept going. Softly, but with purpose.

 

“They don’t tell you that you’ll have to go pick up her three-year-old daughter from the neighbor’s house and ignore your tears as you try to think of what to tell her when she sees you and immediately asks where her mommy is.”

 

She stopped again as a tear ran down her nose and dripped off the end of it onto the floor, faster than she even had time to wipe away.

 

Christen noticed it as soon as it happened and reached out to rub Tobin’s lower back, silently trying to comfort her girlfriend the only way she could think of.

 

“I don’t know…” Tobin sucked in a breath then, trying to stop herself from full-on crying. “That day is just the worst day I’ve ever had in my life. Nobody prepares you for things like that, you know?”

 

She wiped her eyes again and tried to relax her shoulders. Trying to concentrate on Christen’s had that was rubbing small patterns on her back.

 

“And what emotions do you feel inside of yourself that are left over from that day?” Stephanie kept the conversation going, her voice more soothing than it had been a moment ago.  

 

“Sadness… emptiness.. anger, I guess.” Tobin shrugged as she lifted her head again, taking another breath.

 

“What kind of sadness?” Stephanie wondered.

 

“The kind that doesn’t go away. Not fully, anyway.” Tobin whispered. “Are there different kinds..?” She asked rhetorically. “Because this one feels like the worst kind.”

 

“Sure there are. Sadness can come in many different forms.” Stephanie explained. “It happens at all different behavioral and physiological levels. Do you cry a lot and show physical sadness to those around you because of this trauma?”

 

Tobin shook her head no.

 

She truly never let herself cry in front of anyone when she could help it. That made her feel weak. Christen was the only one that had seen her cry at all in the last year, and even that was very brief.

 

“But you still feel the sadness inside of you?” Stephanie wondered.

 

“Yeah, I think so.” Tobin murmured. “But sometimes I can’t tell if I’m sad or mad. Sometimes those feelings seem like the same thing.” she admitted.

 

“Let’s talk about the anger.” Stephanie encouraged then. “What does that feel like inside of you?”

 

Tobin sat back against the couch again and fiddled with her hands for a moment and then looked over at Christen, trying to read her girlfriend’s face as she pondered her answer. Knowing this, the anger, had been the biggest cause of their fights in the past.

 

Christen looked back at her softly with no judgement in her eyes, making Tobin wonder how Christen could be so gentle and understanding about everything that’s happened, all for Tobin’s sake.

 

“At times, it feels blinding,” Tobin mumbled as she looked back over at Stephanie. “It doesn’t show up a lot, but when it does, it feels like it consumes me and I don’t think I have any control over it. So when that happens, and I feel like I’m losing control, I tend to just run away from everything so I don’t hurt anyone worse than I need to.”

 

Stephanie nodded slightly. “Give me the loop in your head when that happens. What do you think of during those moments when you most feel like life gave you a raw deal?”

 

Tobin just shrugged but tried to answer her anyway.

 

“Just that… nothing is working out the way I planned. Sometimes I feel like too many bad things have happened and I can’t seem to forget about them.”

 

“What do you focus on when those thoughts come up?”

 

Tobin sighed and bit her lip for a moment, hoping she wasn’t going to upset Christen with her answer but knowing she needed to be truthful about it anyway.

 

“I guess just how alone I feel sometimes.” She shrugged again. “How frustrating it is to always have to be the strong one. And how it doesn’t matter how good you are if it doesn’t count for anything. Jessie was the best person I knew and she was still taken away without a choice.”

 

“How alone you feel?” Stephanie paused on that and wrote another note down before she looked up at Tobin again. “Let’s focus on that for now, okay?”

 

“Okay.” Tobin agreed, glancing at Christen quickly out of the corner of her eye.

 

“How’s your relationship with your family?”

 

“Good.” Tobin murmured with a nod. “We’re all really close. Or as close as we can be with me and Peyton living here. They’re all spread out on the East Coast so it’s not like I see them that much. But we talk a lot and they’re very supportive of what I’ve done with my life.”

 

“Good.” Stephanie nodded. “What about your friends? Where are they?”

 

“They’re here – around. Some live here and some are in other places all over the world. The ones who live here, they kind of all went through this with me.”

 

“And now you feel like they’re not there for you?”

 

Tobin shook her head quickly. “No.. I.. I rely on them a lot. I don’t want to make it seem like they aren’t good friends, it’s just… sometimes I think they’ve all moved on and can live their lives so easily now when it feels like I still can’t.”

 

Stephanie nodded like she understood. “And what’s holding you back in a way that isn’t holding them back anymore?”

 

Tobin ran her hands down her thighs like she was wiping the sweat from her palms, trying to think of a good answer to that.

 

“Sometimes… I think I feel.. like, guilty? Or something.” She settled on. “Like I don’t want to move on without Jessie. I don’t want to let people forget her or let myself forget her. So I maybe try and stay stuck in the past?"

 

“Stuck in your grief.” Stephanie pointed out – it wasn’t a question, more-so an observation.

 

“Yeah, maybe.” Tobin nodded because she felt like she had to agree.

 

“Like, maybe if you stop feeling sad you’ll think you’re over it and won’t miss your friend anymore?” Stephanie coaxed.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin agreed again, believing it more when she phrased it like that.

 

Stephanie jotted a long note down, and then pulled her glasses off the top of her head and set them down on her notepad while Tobin twisted her hands together again.

 

“And Christen… she’s your girlfriend, you said?” Stephanie spoke again, looking at Tobin and not at Christen. Not rudely at all, but trying to stay focused on Tobin’s thoughts and feelings being that this was her session.

 

Tobin nodded, looking over at Christen quickly and then back to Stephanie.

 

“Tell me about her.” Stephanie requested with a soft smile.

 

Tobin felt herself get a little nervous but Christen just gave her a warm look, silently encouraging Tobin to be honest. Letting Tobin know that whatever she had to say, they would be okay.

 

She wanted Tobin to be open and honest. That was the agreement they’d made in the parking lot before coming inside the office today; that no matter what, Tobin couldn’t hold back just because Christen was there, otherwise it would defeat the purpose of the whole thing.

 

Tobin spoke up again after a moment.

 

“Christen is… she’s better than me in every way possible.” Tobin smiled slightly but was being truthful. “She’s soft and sweet and caring... She lets me be stubborn and she doesn’t run from it, even when she should… She wants to take care of me the best she can and I guess she’s the reason I’m even here today.”

 

“She made you come?” Stephanie wondered kindly again.

 

Tobin reached out and laced her fingers through Christen’s again, wanting to feel her warmth as they talked through this.

 

Christen took her hand without a second thought, giving Tobin another loving squeeze before relaxing their hands again.

 

“She… suggested it a while ago, I guess?” Tobin responded after a moment. “Or encouraged it, at least… It wasn’t forced at all, but I think we both knew I needed to start talking to someone… But the reason I wanted to come is because I don’t want to lose her.”

 

Stephanie nodded. “And do you let her? Take care of you, I mean.”

 

“Not like I should,” Tobin admitted. “I try to, but then sometimes it makes me feel weak and like I’m a bad girlfriend because I want to be the one to take care of her. I do the best I can…”

 

“The anger you spoke about before.” Stephanie backed up a little. “Do you think you direct that at Christen when you feel it inside of yourself?”

 

“Yeah.” Tobin nodded and looked down at her lap again, ashamed of her recent behavior. “Lately at least, she’s kind of been the one to take on all of my anger, even though she doesn’t deserve it.”

 

She loosened her grip on Christen’s hand, giving her girlfriend the option to pull away again at this subject, but Christen just gripped her tighter, letting Tobin know she wasn’t shying away from this or from them.

 

“Why do you think that happens?” Stephanie wondered.

 

Tobin thought about it for a moment and then met Stephanie’s eyes again.

 

“I think I’m still just getting used to having someone who is always there for me.” Tobin murmured. “Christen is the first real relationship that I’ve had since the accident and I think I’m still figuring out how to handle my emotions towards someone who sees every side of me.”

 

She paused but then continued.

 

“The girls I’ve.. _been with_ …,” Tobin cringed a little with that wording, “.. since Jessie died, they’ve always just been so temporary that whenever I would get caught in my feelings or emotions, I could just hide out and remove myself from them and everyone else until they went away again, because I wasn’t committed to anyone. Nobody had to see my bad side.”

 

She bit her lip momentarily.

 

“But now that I’m actually with one person and in love with one person,” Tobin looked over at Christen again, “I think that I’m still learning how to deal with all of those emotions while also being a good girlfriend and being someone that Christen deserves. I’m still trying to figure out how to hide the broken part of myself while not completely hiding from her.”

 

“Why do you feel like you need to hide the emotional side of yourself from Christen?” Stephanie questioned.

 

“I…” Tobin stopped again. “I know that I don’t _need_ to... but I still feel like I want to, because I don’t like that part of myself and I want to protect Christen from it.”

 

Tobin and Christen made eye contact again and Christen frowned just slightly, hating that Tobin felt the need to close any part of herself off from her.

 

That was something Christen made a mental note about working on together, though she didn’t comment on it now.

 

Stephanie wrote another note on her notepad and then looked at her watch, knowing that their hour session was almost up.

 

She pushed her glass onto her eyes finally then and looked at up Tobin.

 

“One of the things that I notice at this moment is that for years you’ve been used to doing everything alone.” Stephanie finally spoke again. “I encourage you to work on figuring out where it’s okay to let go and ask for help. Find time to step back and let others step forward when they offer it. If Christen asks to help you, let her. Take time for yourself to keep in touch with your emotions so that they stay present in your mind. Pushing them down deep and only letting them out from time to time is never going to be a good solution for working through your problems.”

 

Tobin nodded like she was taking Stephanie’s advice to heart.

 

“And Christen -” Stephanie smiled gently again and finally spoke directly to the dark-haired woman.  “It’s very important when you are in front of someone who is facing so much loss to not become the generator. Try not to be someone who is constantly trying to ignite Tobin and push her to be better. It’s important to give her just enough so that she pushes herself.”

 

The older woman looked between both of them and Christen and Tobin both nodded again.

 

“Like a car in park.” Stephanie continued. “Take off the breaks and put it in neutral and push it just enough - but don’t drive it. Tobin needs to be the one to drive. She needs to be the one to work through this on her own terms, along with your support and encouragement and love.”

 

“And Tobin,” Stephanie continued before Christen could respond. “I challenge you to resume life with a sense of future and a sense of hope. Being thwarted on your course through life - that happens to a lot of people - you aren’t alone in this. Try to remember that as you continue to work through your grief and your sadness.”

 

“I will try.” Tobin responded.

 

“Let the people close to you in. Even when you feel the angriest or the most exhausted with life.” Stephanie instructed. “This isn’t a normal situation but _it is_ a situation where two people are trying to normalize. So help each other to do that.”

 

They both nodded again and gave each other a soft but hopeful look as Tobin pulled Christen’s hand onto her lap and grabbed on with her other hand, too. Letting Christen be the anchor that she need to stay in one spot before she could start to move forward.

 

So that they could start to move forward together.

  


**xxx**

 

Tobin booked a second appointment with Stephanie’s receptionist before she left that afternoon.

 

Not because she thought Christen expected her to but because she actually wanted to.

 

She wanted to try to start moving forward the way Stephanie had encouraged her to and she knew that it could only help. And if the second appointment didn’t go as well as the first just had, well then Tobin could say she gave it a shot and find someone else to talk to.

 

But for today, she was happy with the infinitesimal progress that she had made. One half-step was better than none.

 

Christen was leaning against her car in the parking lot when Tobin came out of the small office a minute after she had, waiting for her girlfriend so they could talk a little before they went their separate ways.

 

They locked eyes as Tobin rounded her truck and both smiled a little, thankfully feeling less awkward around each other than they had yesterday when they’d met at the beach.

 

“You waited…” Tobin whispered with a hint relief in her voice.

 

“Of course I did.” Christen nodded softly.

 

They both looked down at the ground quickly before Christen pushed herself up off of her car and took a step towards Tobin with her arms open.

 

Tobin stepped into the hug slowly and let herself relax completely as she wrapped her arms around Christen’s waist in return.

 

“I’m really proud of you,” Christen whispered in Tobin’s ear, tightening her arms around Tobin’s shoulders. “I know that wasn’t easy for you and I’m glad you did it anyway.”

 

Tobin dropped her face to Christen’s neck and shut her eyes, breathing in her favorite scent of Christen’s skin and the dash of perfume she always wore.

 

“Thank you.” Tobin mumbled.

 

They stood there and hugged for a minute before Tobin lifted her head so that they could be eye to eye again.

 

Christen then reached up and grabbed Tobin’s face lightly and ran her thumbs over Tobin’s cheeks, wiping away the dried tear streaks from the wetness that had fallen down her face earlier.

 

“Are you feeling okay?” She questioned lovingly, genuinely wanting to know.

 

“Yeah… I..” Tobin nodded. “I’ve got a headache but I feel okay…” She paused and then continued again. “That went better than I expected it to, to be honest.”

 

“Yeah.” Christen nodded.

 

Tobin shut her eyes again and leaned in so her forehead was resting against Christen’s, holding her girlfriend close with her hands on her hips. Begging to prolong this contact for as long as Christen would let her.

 

“Tobs…” Christen whispered after a few moments.

 

Tobin opened her eyes again and pulled back just enough so they could make eye contact before they both leaned in slowly, letting their lips brush together just the slightest bit.

 

Dying to kiss each other but neither of them being sure if they should do that just yet. Wondering if they were ready for it.

 

“I love you so much,” Tobin whispered then as she ran a hand through Christen’s wavy hair. “I’m so sorry for hurting you and I am going to keep working to fix this and to fix myself. I want to get better for us because I love you.”

 

“I love you, too,” Christen whispered back, cupping Tobin’s cheek as they held eye contact. “We’ll get through this, okay? I’m not giving up on us.”

 

“Me neither.” Tobin shook her head.

 

They both leaned in again at the same time and finally, really kissed each other. It was short and soft but it was meaningful to both of them. It felt like a clean slate that they could build from going forward.

 

Tobin kissed Christen’s cheek a couple times when they pulled back until they both leaned away from each other again.

 

“I have to go back to the office for a while.” Christen mentioned as she looked at her watch, knowing she had a 4:00 production meeting with the growers that was still on her schedule for the day that she couldn’t skip.

 

“Yeah, I’ve gotta get Peyton from school soon, too.” Tobin nodded.

 

“But…” Christen started and then paused. “Maybe if you guys aren’t busy tonight… I could come by for dinner to see Peyton and spend a little time with you guys?”

 

Tobin’s eyes lit up with a bit of hope in them, not expecting Christen to offer that already but she jumped at the opportunity.

 

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Peyton would love that and so would I.”

 

“Okay.” Christen nodded. “I’ll stop home and grab Reese after work then and I’ll let you know when we’re on our way.”

 

“Okay.” Tobin agreed.

 

They stood there looking at each other for a moment before Tobin pulled her back in.

 

“Thank you for coming today. I don’t think I could have started this without you.” Tobin murmured again. “You being here for me really, really means the world. Even though I know I haven’t deserved it.”

 

“You’re welcome.” Christen hummed. “One day at a time, remember?”

 

All Tobin could do was nod, remembering what she promised Christen all those months ago when they were still figuring out their relationship. She was grateful to hear those words again now.

 

“K... I’ll see you in a while...” Christen half-smiled as she stepped away from Tobin so she could open her car door.

 

Tobin stood next to her truck until Christen’s pulled out of her parking space before she finally grabbed her keys out of her pocket and let out another deep breath, feeling optimistic about the night ahead.

  


**xxx**

  


“PJ, can you grab the door, bud?”

 

Tobin was pulling the back patio door open to head out to the grill so she could flip the chicken that she was making for dinner just as there was a knock on the front door.

 

She knew who it was since she had gotten a text from Christen ten minutes ago saying she was on her way home from work, but she wanted to surprise Peyton all time same.

 

“Who is it?” Peyton shouted in return, hopping off the couch and standing in the middle of the living room as she waited for Tobin to answer her.

 

“Why don’t you go find out?” Tobin suggested as she lifted the grill cover, busying herself so Peyton and Christen could have a moment alone when they greeted each other.

 

Peyton sprinted to the front door without any other questions and pulled it open quickly, her jaw dropping a little when she saw who was standing on the other side of it.

 

“Christen!” She shouted happily, her voice almost sounding shocked at their unexpected visitor this evening.

 

Christen started to laugh at the child’s reaction as she crouched down and opened her arms just in time to catch Peyton as the kid launched herself at her for a big hug.

 

“You came over?!” Peyton wondered as she held on tight with her arms around Christen’s neck.

 

“Yeah.” Christen grinned with a slight nod of her head. “Reese and I wanted to see you.”

 

“Reesey Boyyyyy!” Peyton beamed again, letting go of Christen and then turning to hug the dog who was wagging his tail and trying to lick Peyton’s face as he stood next to them on the front step.

 

When she let go of Reese, Peyton reached up and grabbed Christen’s hand and pulled her into the house quickly with Reese trotting in after them as the door swung shut again.

 

“Toby!” She yelled excitedly as they made their way further into the living room. “Christen and Reese are here! They came over because they wanted to see me!”

 

Tobin started to laugh from where she was closing the lid of the grill again, making Christen smile even wider than she already was at the sound of it. Tobin’s infectious laugh always had a way of doing that to Christen and it’d been too long since they’d laughed together at all.

 

Tobin popped around the patio door as she stepped back into the house, locking eyes with Christen as they smiled at each other.

 

They didn’t even get a chance to say hi before Peyton was tugging on Christen’s arm, wanting to lead her to her bedroom. Unconcerned about waiting for Tobin and Christen to greet each other.

 

“I hafta show you something really important!” The child insisted almost immediately.

 

“Well, let’s go then!” Christen looked back at Tobin and they both smirked again as she let Peyton pull her through the living room and then down the hallway to her bedroom.

 

Tobin dropped to her knees as the two of them disappeared out of sight and grabbed Reese by the head, laughing a little more as the dog licked all over her face.

 

“I missed you, buddy.” She whispered to the dog, holding his face close to hers momentarily before they separated and Tobin stood back up.

 

Reese then turned and ran down the hallway too, joining his two favorite people in Peyton’s room.

 

Peyton shut the door after Reese entered and then moved towards her backpack quickly. She wasted no time pulling a stack of papers out of it and then walked over to her bed and sat down, waving Christen over.

 

“It’s for the secret fort.” She mentioned casually as she scooted over to make room for Christen on her bottom bunk.

 

Once Christen had the curtain of the secret fort pulled closed, Peyton shuffled through her papers, which all appeared to be random drawings in crayon and marker, before she stopped at the page she was looking for.

 

“Here.” She whispered as she handed it over to Christen. “I made this for you during drawing time at school.”

 

Christen smiled and took the white sheet of paper out of Peyton’s small hand and let her eyes read over it, starting at the top.

 

She couldn’t help but bite the inside of her cheek as she did.

 

At the very top of the page was a title written in Peyton’s big, yet uneven, child-like handwriting.

 

**HOW TO MAKE TOBY HAPPY.**

 

It was scrawled in all capital letters - the way Peyton had been writing lately - the same way Tobin always wrote, which was undoubtedly where the child was picking it up from.

 

“One time last year, when I was in second grade, I was feeling really sad and didn’t want to go to school anymore, so Toby and me made a list of all the things that made me happy.” Peyton murmured in explanation. “Then after we made the list, Toby took me to do all of the things that we wrote down, and then when we were done, I was happy again.”

 

She looked up at Christen then.

 

“After Toby got home from California she was really sad and sometimes now she cries in her bedroom at night before I go to sleep. She thinks I don’t hear her but I do.” Peyton pointed to the drawing again. “So I made a list of things that will make Toby happy again. I made it for you so you will know what to do to help her.”

 

Christen lifted her eyes from the page and glanced at Peyton next to her again.

 

The child was looking back at her with big, hopeful eyes like she had been waiting to give this to Christen for a while now. Like she truly needed her help.

 

Christen let out a breath as she tried to keep her emotions in check and then looked down at the drawing again, slowly reading through the kid’s homemade list.

 

  1. **GIVE HER LOTS OF HUGS.**



 

There was a drawing underneath the writing, of two stick figures that had their very long arms wrapped all the way around each other like they were hugging.

 

She traced over it with her fingertip slowly, guessing that it was supposed to be her and Tobin.

 

Her eyes then moved to the next item.

 

  1. **ASK HER A STORY ABOUT MY MOMMA.**



 

Next to number two was a small circular head with eyes and a smile, with wings and a crown over it, with the words _‘Our Angle’_ underneath it.

 

Christen smiled at the way Peyton had accidentally misspelled angel, but she didn’t point it out.

 

She recognized the figure easily as Jessie in angel form before she moved on to the third point.

 

  1. **GIVE HER LOTS OF CANDY.**



 

And underneath that, there was a smaller sentence that simply said _‘sour worms’_ \- with a red and yellow colored worm drawn next to the words to really illustrate her point.

 

Christen flipped the page over to look at the last thing on the list, which took up the whole back side of the paper. She felt her breath catch in her throat as her eyes scanned over it, loving how adorable it was.

 

  1. **STAY FOR EVER.**



 

There were no words written to describe this one, just a drawing to go with it.

 

A big house with windows and a front door. Inside the window, on the right-hand side of the house, there were two big stick figures and one small stick figure and a dog, all standing next to each other.

 

Christen noticed the small numbering next to the front door - 327 - which Christen knew was their house number; knowing Peyton meant for it to look like the Magic Castle.

 

“Is that us?” Christen wondered quietly, barely above a whisper as the lump in her throat was making it difficult to talk.

 

“Yeah.” Peyton pointed to the page. “That’s Toby, and that’s you, and that’s me and Reese.”

 

Peyton then flipped the page back over so she could describe the list herself.

 

“Toby really likes hugs. She says they make her feel special and she always wants one whenever I ask her. I think she wants to hug you all the time, too. And she really likes talking about my mommy, so if you ask her to tell you a story, she always smiles _really_ big. And sour gummy worms are her favorite candy, I think that’s because I don’t like them so she can eat them all herself. If you could get some for her, I think she would like that.”

 

Peyton flipped the page over again.

 

“But she _really, really_ loves when you’re here, so I think if you never leave then Toby will never be sad again. Because she cried a lot when you wouldn’t come see us, but then today she smiled because now you are here.”

 

Peyton lifted her eyes to look at Christen again like she was finished making her case and was waiting for a verdict to see if it worked.

 

“Awww, cutie.” Christen hummed sweetly, wrapping her arm around Peyton’s shoulder and pulling the child into herself, burying her face in Peyton’s hair. “This is so nice of you. I think they’re all great ideas.”

 

Peyton nodded like that much was obvious. That’s why she had come up with them.

 

“Can you not go away anymore?” Peyton asked her eagerly, pulling back from their embrace so she could look up at Christen.

 

Christen frowned a little. “I hope I don't have to,” she half-shrugged, knowing she couldn’t promise that right now. “I miss you guys so much when I’m not here.”

 

“Me too.” Peyton nodded and then looked down at the list again. “So you’ll try to make Toby be happy again?”

 

“I’ll try my best.” Christen smiled at her easily, wanting to do whatever she could to convince the child that they were working on it.

 

It was too complicated to explain to an eight-year-old, but Christen still wanted to reassure her that she wasn’t just going to abandon them that easily.

 

Peyton leaned in to hug Christen again, this time with a relieved smile on her face.

 

Before either of them could say anything else, there was a light knock on Peyton’s door.

 

Peyton reached past Christen and pulled the curtain of the secret fort open and yelled out of it into the room.

 

“Who is it?”

 

Her question made Christen laugh a little since it was obvious who it was going to be.

 

“It’s me - Toby.” Tobin answered the kid without opening the door, her voice muffled a little through the wooden barrier.

 

She was respecting their space and waiting for an invite into the room.

 

“Come in!” Peyton shouted again.

 

Tobin was smiling as she peaked her head around the door after she cracked it open. “Sorry to interrupt, but dinner is ready if you guys wanna come and eat.”

 

“Yes!” Peyton whispered as she climbed over Christen and jumped down off of her bed. She paused then and turned back to the dark-haired woman. “You can keep that, okay?” She pointed at the paper that was still in Christen’s hand.

 

“Of course I’m keeping it.” Christen agreed with a smile. “Thank you, Miss Peyton, this was very sweet of you.”

 

“Welcome.” Peyton returned as she moved past Tobin in the hallway as if the whole list was an afterthought again now that it was dinner time.

 

Tobin stood in the doorway as Peyton disappeared into the bathroom next to her room to wash her hands. She gave Christen an intrigued look with her eyebrows raised. “Everything okay?” She questioned quietly as Christen stood up from the bed too.

 

“Yeah.” Christen nodded as she folded the piece of paper up and put it in her back pocket, keeping it for just herself.

 

She figured someday she’d probably show it to Tobin, but she wanted to do her best to complete the list first, just as Peyton had requested. Number four might not be doable, at least not right now, but the rest were.

 

Christen figured now was as good of a time as any to get started, stepping into Tobin and hugging her tightly before they even left Peyton’s room.

 

The hug clearly caught Tobin by surprise as she took a moment to catch up before she wrapped her arms around Christen’s waist in return, but she held on eagerly as soon as she did.

 

She then let her lips ghost over Christen’s jaw up to her ear. “What’s in your pocket?” She whispered sweetly.

 

“Nothing..” Christen shrugged with her arms around Tobin’s shoulders.

 

Peyton came out of the bathroom at the same time and gave Christen a big smile when she saw them hugging, happy to see that Christen was already giving it a shot.

 

Christen winked at the kid and then let go of her girlfriend again. “Let’s go eat.”

 

All Tobin could do was drop her arms and nod, following Christen and Peyton back out to the kitchen for dinner without any more questions, just being thankful that they were all together again, at least for the time being.

 

Christen hung out with them for the rest of evening until it was time for Peyton to go to bed, in no rush to go home and spend the night by herself again when she could be where she most wanted to be anyway.

 

She washed the dishes that were dirty from dinner as Tobin got Peyton ready for bed and then agreed easily when Peyton asked her if she could help Tobin tuck her in.

 

Truthfully, Christen had really missed doing that. She had missed their nightly routine and how natural everything felt when they were reading bedtime stories or kissing Peyton’s head before she fell asleep.

 

“Are you going to be here in the morning?” Peyton wondered through a yawn before Christen stood up from where she had knelt next to her bed.

 

“Not tomorrow, no,” Christen answered her truthfully. “I’ve gotta be at work really early so I’m going to sleep at my house tonight.”

 

It wasn’t a lie, Christen really did have a 6 am conference call with a company on the East Coast, but even if she hadn’t had that scheduled, she was pretty sure she wouldn’t have stayed tonight anyway.

 

It seemed like a lot too soon, as she and Tobin were still in the process of working through their issues. For all the progress they’d made today, they still had a long ways to go.

 

“Aww man.” Peyton pouted slightly.

 

“I’ll see you again soon though, okay?” Christen promised as she ran a hand over Peyton’s hair.

 

“Okay.” Peyton nodded.

 

“Night, Sweetie, I love you.” Christen smiled. “Thanks for the fun night.”

 

“Love you too.” Peyton whispered.

  
Tobin then leaned down and kissed her head too as they did their goodnight routine before Peyton was pulling the covers up under her chin and rolling over to face the wall.

 

Once Tobin and Christen had her bedroom door shut in the hallway, they slowly made their way back to the kitchen, both feeling unsure about how to end the night now that it was clear it was going to be ending.

 

Christen bent down and patted Reese’s head, almost like she was asking for her dog to help her leave.

 

“Should we go home, buddy?” She cooed as Reese looked up at her in return.

 

She then stepped to the counter where she’d left her phone and purse and picked them up, getting ready to go.

 

Tobin stood there with her hands in her pockets watching.

 

“Thank you for dinner.” Christen let her eyes meet Tobin’s as she smiled tiredly.

 

“Of course.” Tobin nodded, following Christen to the front door where she’d left her shoes. “Thank you for coming over. I know it made Peyton’s day for sure.”

 

Christen slipped into her flip-flops as she responded. “I’m glad I came. It was nice to spend some time here tonight. I’ve missed being here.”

 

Tobin nodded again, feeling the lump in her throat coming back because it was her fault that Christen hadn’t been here lately; and because she didn’t want Christen to go tonight, all the while still understanding why she had to.

 

“Let me walk you out.” She whispered instead of responding to that comment.

 

Christen pulled the front door open as Reese went out ahead of them, leading Tobin towards her car in the driveway. When they reached it, she pulled open her driver’s side door and Reese jumped in and crawled over to the passenger seat, just like he knew the drill, as Christen turned around to look at her girlfriend again.

 

She was spinning her keys in her hands, feeling nervous about saying goodnight to Tobin for some odd reason. Like they hadn’t said goodnight to each other a hundred times by now.

 

“If you wanted…” Tobin started again. “You could come back for dinner tomorrow night?... We’re having cheeseburgers and milkshakes, according to what Peyton picked out at the grocery store after school today.”

 

“I, ahhh.” Christen shook her head softly and looked down at the pavement in between them. “I actually got invited to have dinner with a few of the girls in my yoga class tomorrow. Apparently, they go out for happy hour every Thursday and they asked me to tag along after class yesterday.”

 

“Oh.” Tobin nodded, once again hating that she hadn’t already known that.

 

“I would have told you…” Christen murmured, knowing so easily what Tobin was thinking. “It just slipped my mind today with everything…”

 

“It’s..” Tobin shrugged. “I get it.”

 

They both suddenly felt like crying again, hating how much distance was still between them after such a good evening together.

 

“Well, have fun at happy hour.” Tobin forced herself to smile instead, knowing she needed to be supportive. 

 

“Yeah, I will,” Christen responded. “Is it okay if I call you after, though? To say goodnight?”

 

“Yeah, I would like that.” Tobin smiled at her softly. “I’d love to hear how your day went and tell you goodnight whenever you’ll let me.”

 

“Okay.” Christen smiled slightly too. “I’m nervous for it so I might just text you throughout it, whenever there is an awkward lull in conversation or something.…”

 

“I’m sure you’ll do just fine, beautiful.” Tobin encouraged her. “They’d be lucky to be your friend.”

 

They both smiled more because of it as Christen stepped into Tobin’s space finally.

 

She reached up to rest her fingertips on Tobin’s jaw as she leaned in and placed a soft kiss to Tobin’s lips. “Night, Tobin.” She whispered then.

 

Tobin still had her eyes closed when Christen pulled back again, opening them to see her gorgeous girlfriend looking at her with tentative yet loving eyes. Like their whole current situation was summed up in just one glance.

 

In love with each other but not all the way back yet.

 

They took Tobin’s breath away, those vibrant green eyes. Just like they always had.

 

Tobin bit her lip and sighed as Christen stepped back and sat down in her car, giving Tobin one more wave.

 

Tobin finally returned her words before she moved to push Christen’s door shut, stepping back so she could drive away.

 

“Night, Chris.”

 


	26. Days in the Sun.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Days in the sun  
> Are always the best with you
> 
>  
> 
> .

Christen stood on the edge of the water feeling the waves wash over her bare feet as the tide came in towards the shore in front of her.

 

She realized how warm the ocean felt today, like the hot mid-May sun had finally gotten the Pacific ready for summer; when the kids would be out of school and at the beach and in the water all day long.

 

Her right hand was above her eyes as she tried to block out the bright afternoon sun, looking out into the water and trying to spot the familiar figure she was looking for, whose truck she'd passed in the parking lot when Mana had dropped her off no more than a couple minutes ago.

 

A fresh set of waves cascaded over themselves just as Tobin popped up in the distance, sitting on her surfboard about fifty yards out in the water, bobbing calmly as she waited for the next perfect wave to catch.

 

Christen smiled as soon as she saw her, even from the distance she was at. She was pretty sure Tobin hadn’t seen her yet as she was too focused on looking at the water behind herself to even be paying attention to the shoreline at all, but Christen stood there staring at her all the same, excited to watch her girlfriend make her next run.

 

It was just the two of them for as far as Christen could see, Tobin in the water alone and Christen on the beach by herself, loving the unassuming view she had of her girlfriend in her most natural state.

 

She would watch Tobin like this forever if she could. She seemed so at peace out there.

 

Christen had spent most of her morning being pretty much useless at work from the slight but annoying hangover she’d picked up after an evening of happy hour with her new yoga friends the night before. After she and Mana had grabbed lunch in town, Christen had Mana drop her off at the beach that Tobin said she was going to be at instead of going back to the office.

 

It was Friday afternoon anyway so it didn’t really matter.

 

At least Christen was telling herself that now. Plus, she needed a little sunshine and little bit of Tobin to make herself feel better.

 

She and Tobin had texted a lot the night before and then talked for almost an hour on the phone before Christen passed out after her Uber ride home, and she finally felt like they were getting back to the way they used to be.

 

They were flirty and lovey towards each other, mostly thanks to the three glasses of wine Christen had beforehand, but she was still holding onto that feeling now instead of trying to push it away to fall back into their awkwardness.

 

They were still working through everything, of course, but Christen didn’t want to stay stuck in that anymore. She wanted to push through it. She’d told Tobin that last night, and even in her slightly drunken state, she meant every word.

 

It was the first thing she thought of when she woke up this morning too - their conversation from the last night - and about how she couldn’t wait to continue it, so here she was to do just that.

 

Christen dug her toes a little further into the sand just as Tobin seemingly found a wave she wanted, the brunette starting to paddle towards the shore before she stood up on her board effortlessly on a ten-foot wave and rode it in perfectly, weaving and carving like the pro she was.

 

She must have spotted Christen before she finished her run because by the time Tobin was hopping off her board in ankle deep water and letting it run up onto the sand, her smile was big enough to brighten up even the darkest of afternoons.

 

Christen felt like hers was, too.

 

Tobin chuckled lightly as soon as she was within earshot of her girlfriend, walking out of the water towards where Christen was waiting and peeling her wetsuit down to her hips as she did.  

 

“Hi.” Christen spoke first, murmuring softly as her eyes roamed over Tobin’s tanned skin and firm muscles.

 

“Hey, you.” Tobin responded just as quietly.  

 

She came to a standstill right in front of Christen and they both smiled a little more at each other then.

 

Tobin let her eyes take in Christen’s appearance in return, loving the simple floor-length sundress she had on, coupled with her naturally curly hair. She looked so soft and warm and it set Tobin’s insides on fire in an instant.

 

“Look at you, beautiful girl.” She spoke then. “You look amazing.”

 

Christen looked down at herself too and grinned a little wider as she lifted her eyes to make eye contact with Tobin again.

 

“I literally showered and threw this on in ten minutes this morning before Mana got to my house.” She laughed a little, thinking about how tired and rushed she felt this morning after her late night.

 

“Still beautiful.” Tobin shrugged as she reached her hand out for Christen.

 

Christen took Tobin’s hand without overthinking it, both of them standing not even a foot apart and stepping closer at the same time.

 

“This is a nice surprise,” Tobin commented as she gave Christen’s hand a shake. She then let her eyes drift from Christen's face up towards the parking lot behind them, still only seeing her own truck in the parking lot. “How’d you get here?”

 

She knew Christen’s car was left at the bar the night before and that Mana was picking Christen up for work this morning, but Tobin wasn’t sure how her girlfriend had gotten to her now.

 

Christen smiled again at Tobin’s question. “I had Mana drop me off on our way back from lunch because I wanted to see you.”

 

Tobin took one more half step towards Christen until there was no space between them and then leaned in and kissed her cheek sweetly.

 

“I wanted to see you too, babe.” Tobin grinned when she leaned back. "I'm glad you're here."

 

Christen didn’t let her move too far before she leaned in herself and placed a quick kiss to Tobin’s lips in return, both of them making eye contact again when they separated.

 

“I have something for you.” Christen murmured then with excitement in her voice. 

 

“You do?” Tobin wondered softly. “What is it?”

 

“You’re gonna love it..”

 

That made Tobin laugh with intrigue. “Oh yeah? Should I be nervous?” She questioned, having no idea what Christen could have to give her right now.

 

“No, don’t be nervous.” Christen laughed too and shook her head. “Do you trust me that you’ll love it?”

 

“Of course I do.” Tobin nodded.

 

Christen grinned as she dropped her purse off of her shoulder and reached into it, grabbing the surprise but not pulling it out of her bag quite yet.

 

Tobin stood up on her tippy toes to try and get a look inside, both of them laughing again before Christen finally gave in.

 

Tobin’s eyes lit up as soon as she saw what Christen was holding.

 

“Sour gummy worms?” She chuckled. “Babe.. these are my favorite.”

 

“I know.” Christen nodded and handed them over. “That’s why I got them for you. I made Mana stop at the gas station on the way here. I was hoping they’d make you smile a little.”

 

Tobin took the package out of Christen’s hand and look at it again with the same big smile that Christen was hoping for as she cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes slightly in question. “How’d you know I like these?”

 

She wasn’t sure they’d ever talked about it before.

 

Christen just shrugged. “I have my sources.”

 

Tobin laughed again and stepped into Christen for a hug, wrapping her arms around Christen’s waist and holding her body close.

 

“Chris….” She whispered in Christen’s ear then. “I love you… I love you so much...”

 

Christen wrapped her arms around Tobin’s shoulders and squeezed her tightly, letting her face drop to Tobin’s shoulder and giving her skin a few kisses as they held onto each other.

 

“I love you too.” Christen returned after a moment of thought, lifting her face again so they could be eye to eye.  “So much. And I miss you so much and I meant everything I said last night about wanting to come home. I miss being at your house every night and sleeping next to you and waking up early to help Peyton get ready for school. I miss feeling your kisses on my forehead when you think I’m asleep and the stupid way you laugh at my bedhead in the morning…  I miss just being there with you guys and being happy and I don’t wanna be away from you anymore. Whatever we have left to work through, I want to do it next to you. I want to come home.”

 

“That’s all I want, too.” Tobin nodded, running her left hand through Christen’s hair and holding her face close with a hand on the back of her head. “ _You_ are all I want, Chris. Peyton and I miss you and we need you and we want you at home with us. I’m so sorry for everything I did and for pushing you away for so long. If I could apologize a million times, I would, but babe...”

 

“I know… I know.” Christen shushed her, shaking her head. “I know you’re sorry and I don’t need you to keep apologizing. I’m not here to hold it over your head or make you feel bad about what happened. I just want us to move forward, okay? I just want to get back to being us.”

 

“Okay.” Tobin swallowed, taking Christen’s words to heart. “I want that too. So much.”

 

They made eye contact for a second longer before they both leaned in again, kissing each other a few more times before hugging again tightly.

 

When Tobin finally let go of Christen she stepped back a little and laughed at the wet spots all over Christen’s dress that had just appeared, thanks to Tobin’s bikini and wetsuit being pressed up against her.

 

“Sorry.” She grinned guiltily.

 

“Worth it.” Christen shrugged back. “You can take that the rest of the way off if you want, though.” She nodded down at the wetsuit, wanting to see the rest of Tobin’s tan and glorious body that was hidden underneath it.

 

“Sure, hold these.” Tobin requested as she tossed the package of gummy worms that she was still holding into the air to free up her hands.

 

Christen caught them without skipping a beat and admired Tobin’s muscles as she bent over and slipped out of the bottom half of her wetsuit before letting it drop to the sand.

 

“Better?” She wondered after it was all the way off, standing up straight and looking at Christen again with a confident smirk.

 

“The best I’ve seen.” Christen nodded truthfully. “You’re so hot that I think my hangover has cured itself.”

 

Tobin busted out laughing and so did Christen until Tobin was stepping into her again and walking them backwards a few steps, shaking her head as they moved with their bodies pressed together.

 

“God, I’ve missed this.” Tobin finally sighed as she stopped their movements and they let go of each other. “I’ve missed everything about us.”

 

“Me too.” Christen hummed. “But guess what…”

 

“Hmmm?” Tobin wondered.

 

“We’ve got an open afternoon with nothing to do.” Christen pointed out. “And my house is only ten minutes from here...”

 

Tobin smirked again, getting the hint of what Christen was suggesting quickly.

 

“I mean, I think I have something I _want_ to do…” Tobin bit her lip and let her eyes roam down Christen’s body another time. “A few things, actually, now that I think about it…”

 

“Well, don’t let me stop you...” Christen murmured as she took one more step backwards and reached for Tobin’s hand again.

 

“I guess I’ll drive then.” Tobin offered sarcastically, knowing her truck was the only one in the lot.

 

Christen smiled victoriously and turned around without another word, walking up the sand away from Tobin before she turned her head back around and gave her girlfriend her sexiest look.

 

Tobin swallowed thickly once and took a couple running steps towards her before she stopped in her tracks and shook her head. She then darted back to where her surfboard and wetsuit were still lying on the sand, collecting them quickly and following Christen up the beach again.

 

As soon as they reached the truck, Tobin tossed her surfing gear into the open back end and moved around to the passenger side door quickly, unlocking it and opening the door for Christen before she grabbed a towel out of the back seat and dried off a little.

 

Christen climbed up onto the seat and watched as Tobin ran the towel down her body, over her legs and back up the front of herself before she looked up at saw Christen staring at her intently. She gave up then and moved towards the door of the truck again, leaning inside of it past Christen to toss the towel into the backseat before searching for her girlfriend’s lips.

 

Christen let Tobin kiss her for a long moment, opening her mouth as Tobin slid her tongue in purposefully before she got too impatient and pulled back.

 

“Can we go?” She breathed. “I want you really bad.”

 

“Right.” Tobin nodded and stepped back with a smile.

 

She pushed the passenger side door closed and then moved around her truck, taking a deep breath to calm herself down enough to drive them to Christen’s house without getting distracted, feeling her eagerness ramp up at knowing what was about to happen. She didn’t even bother putting on any clothes on over her bathing suit, hopping into the driver's seat barefoot in her bikini and starting her truck quickly.

 

Christen did just about everything she could do to torture Tobin the whole drive home, too.

 

She had her hand on Tobin bare thigh immediately, letting it slowly sneak farther and farther north the closer they got to her house. At one point, Tobin had to reach down and intertwine their fingers, dragging Christen’s hand back down her leg a few inches so it was a safe distance away from anywhere dangerous again.

 

Her actions made Christen laugh lightly.

 

“You’re killing me.” Tobin husked at Christen’s laughter, coming to a stop at a stop sign just in time.  

 

Christen leaned over the center console then and kissed Tobin’s cheek and jaw a couple times before she ghosted her lips over Tobin’s ear.

 

“I’m not sorry.” She whispered teasingly before she bit Tobin’s earlobe. “I can’t wait to fuck you.”

 

She was hoping that she was driving Tobin a little crazy, which she was, but Tobin played along just as torturously.

 

“I don’t think so, baby...” She shook her head. “I’m gonna be the one fucking you.”

 

Christen leaned back enough so they were eye to eye before Tobin leaned in and kissed her again, quickly forgetting that they were stopped at a four-way stop just at the edge of town.

 

They kissed passionately until they were jolted out of their trance by a car honking behind them, wondering what the hold up was.

 

They both jumped slightly in surprise at the noise and separated from each other before they broke out laughing loudly. Tobin waved out the window apologetically and pulled through the intersection, refocusing for the rest of the drive.

 

Christen was pushing the passenger side door open before Tobin even had her truck in park in Christen’s driveway, hopping out and slamming the door shut behind herself before moving around the front of it towards her porch.

 

Tobin was almost as fast, barely remembering to turn the engine off before she got out, right on Christen’s heels.

 

They bounded up the few porch steps and Tobin pulled the screen door open as Christen unlocked the front door, struggling with it for a moment before getting it open and busting inside.

 

Reese had been up off the bed and waiting at the door as soon as he heard them pull into the driveway and he rushed out onto the porch before the screen door swung shut behind him.

 

Christen and Tobin didn’t pay him any attention though as they stepped past him at the same time into Christen’s entryway.

 

Tobin’s hands and lips were on Christen in an instant, picking her girlfriend up as soon as she turned to face her and walking them a few steps into the living room as their lips found each other's again.

 

“Couch.” Christen hummed against Tobin’s lips, directing her girlfriend through mumbled words, not even willing to wait to get all the way to her bedroom a few feet away.

 

Tobin listened intently, walking around to the front of the couch with Christen in her arms before she laid her girlfriend down, both of them panting heavily from the rush of it all. Tobin wasted no time grabbing the bottom of Christen’s dress then and pulling it up over her body as Christen lifted her butt and then her arms to assist, both of them ridding her clothing together.

 

Tobin’s throat went dry as she took in the sight of her gorgeous girlfriend, laid out before her now in only a pair of black lacy underwear.

 

“No bra today...” Tobin commented out loud like Christen wasn’t aware of what she was wearing. “Fuck, babe...” She husked out.

 

She was so turned on.

 

“No, I forgot to put one on this morning.” Christen breathed as she reached out for Tobin again.

 

“How do you forget that?” Tobin wondered back, laughing a little.

 

“I was hungover and in a rush, okay?” Christen groaned, pulling Tobin closer to the couch. “Let’s talk about it later.”

 

Tobin agreed silently, biting her bottom lip as she climbed on the end of the couch and opened Christen’s legs a little wider to settle in between them on her knees. She then reached up and hooked her fingers around the waistband of Christen’s underwear, ready to pull them down.

 

Christen kept up quickly, lifting her hips off the couch again so Tobin could finish undressing her, watching as Tobin pulled the fabric down her legs and off completely before she dropped them to the living room floor.

 

“I love you.” Tobin murmured again, taking in the sight of Christen’s naked body underneath her now. “You’re perfect and I love you.” She repeated.

 

“I love you too,” Christen responded, her chest rising and falling quickly with how turned on she was. “Take your top off for me.”

 

Tobin looked down at herself and smiled as she took her hands off of Christen’s legs for a moment and reached around to her back, untying her colorful bikini top and pulling it off of herself quickly.

 

“God, you’re so hot.” Christen panted again at the sight of her girlfriend who was now topless.

 

Tobin didn’t waste any more time after that as she leaned down and kissed her way from Christen’s right hip bone all the way up her stomach to her breasts, licking and tasting as she went.

 

Her tongue found Christen’s left nipple for a moment, taking it into her mouth and sucking lightly as Christen moaned softly before she released it and moved to her right nipple to do the same, working slowly but diligently, building Christen’s pleasure as she did.

 

Tobin’s hand ran up Christen’s body then until she grabbed Christen’s right hand that was above her head. Tobin pulled her mouth away from Christen’s breast at the same time and sat back on her knees more, bringing Christen’s hand to her lips and kissing her knuckles softly.

 

They made eye contact again before Tobin slid the hair tie off of Christen’s wrist that she usually kept there.

 

“I’m gonna borrow this.” Tobin whispered with a smile.

 

She pulled her hair up into a messy half-pony, half-bun quickly, in order to keep her hair out of her face for what she was really wanting to do and then scooted back a bit on the couch so she had enough room to lean down again, this time in between Christen’s legs.

 

She didn’t tease and she didn’t dance around it any longer, going right for the one spot that Christen wanted to feel her most, letting her warm mouth start to work as Christen’s breathing got quicker and quicker until a string of soft moans were the only sound filling the living room.

 

Tobin’s tongue inside of her, moving through her up to her clit and sucking lightly before moving back down through her again; feeling Tobin’s fingertips dancing at her entrance before dipping inside of her, slowly but with purpose - Christen forgot just how good it all felt.

 

She’d never had sex with anyone the way she was used to having sex with Tobin now - passionately and with more love than she knew were possible in the midst of pleasure - and she truly forgot just how damn good they were at it together.

 

Those three weeks and two days that it’d been since the last time they did this seemed like a distant memory now as Christen came loudly, without requiring much effort from Tobin at all.

 

She’d missed it that much, and her body was reacting appropriately.

 

“Fuck.” Christen moaned as Tobin was lapping up her wetness, bringing her girlfriend down from her orgasm without removing her lips from Christen’s most sensitive area. “Baby, that feels so good.” She moaned again.

 

Tobin smiled then and started to kiss her way back up Christen’s body, crawling up the couch as she went until they were face to face again. Tobin wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and then leaned down to kiss Christen’s lips, sweeter this time than she had been a few minutes ago.

 

Christen could still taste herself on Tobin’s tongue, sending another wave of pleasure through her body at the thought of it.

 

“I love you.” Tobin mumbled in between kisses, still feeling like she hadn’t said that enough today.

 

“I love you.” Christen smiled and cupped Tobin’s jaw. “That felt amazing.”

 

“Good.” Tobin grinned and pecked Christen’s lips again. “I hope I get to do that forever.”

 

“Me too.” Christen nodded as she lifted her head off the couch pillow and pressed a longer kiss to Tobin’s lips.

 

They were interrupted after a moment by Reese pawing at the screen door from out on the porch, asking to be let back inside to see them. Christen and Tobin both turned to look out the door when they heard the noise and started to laugh again, having totally forgotten about their poor dog in the heat of passion when they got home.

 

“I want to return the favor.” Christen murmured as she sat up and then smiled. “But I think it might be best if we do that in the bedroom.”

 

Tobin was really turned on and dying for a release, too, as she stood up off the couch quickly, walking to the door to let Reese inside. Christen got her barrings about her and stood up after her, heading for her bedroom.

 

As soon as Tobin had let Reese in and let the screen door shut behind him again she looked down at the dog and patted his head. “If anyone asks, you saw none of this.” She mumbled to him jokingly.

 

Christen started to laugh from the bedroom at Tobin’s words. “Come on, honey!” She called from her bed, already settled in and waiting for her girlfriend.

 

“We’ll be out in a bit.” Tobin gave Reese’s head one more pat and then walked towards Christen’s room, shutting the door behind herself as soon as she got there so that the dog wouldn’t interrupt them again.

 

Christen was smiling at her sensually from the bed, wagging a finger at Tobin and telling her to come closer.

 

“I’m gonna need that hair tie back.” Christen murmured teasingly.

 

Tobin chuckled lightly, her warm laughter filling Christen’s insides with even more love, as she pulled the hair tie out of her golden brown locks and handed it back to Christen.

 

Christen tied her hair up in a tight bun on top of her head as Tobin pulled her bikini bottoms down to finally get herself completely naked before she crawled on the bed towards Christen on her hands and knees, holding eye contact the whole way.  

 

Christen reached out and placed both hands on Tobin’s cheeks and pulled her in for another quick kiss as soon as they were face to face again.

 

“Lay down for me.” She instructed when she pulled back again.

 

Tobin let out a breath and laughed again as she let herself fall to the side, landing with her back to the mattress as Christen slung her leg over Tobin’s body and straddled her.

 

Christen worked slower than Tobin had a bit ago, taking her time to plant kisses all over Tobin’s skin and letting her expert hands roam to the places that she knew Tobin loved most, before finally letting her tongue finish her girlfriend off after several minutes of build-up.

 

Tobin moaned through a string of unintelligible words before Christen finally let up, settling on the bed next to Tobin and letting her catch her breath. When Tobin finally opened her eyes again, Christen was looking down at her with her head propped up in her hand and her elbow on the pillow, smiling with so much love in her eyes.

 

“You’re gorgeous,” Christen whispered as she reached out and moved a few baby hairs off of Tobin’s forehead. “I’m so lucky that you’re mine.”

 

Tobin shook her head and pushed herself up, unable to speak yet as the pleasure was still coursing through her body. Instead, she just moved over on top of her girlfriend and laid back down, burying her face in Christen’s neck and letting her weight rest fully on top of her.

 

Christen wrapped her arms around Tobin and rubbed her back, neither of them saying anything for a long while. They were just enjoying the contact of their bare skin pressed against each other; basking in what they’d been missing lately.

 

After about fifteen minutes, Christen looked over at the clock on her nightstand and realized how quickly their afternoon was passing.

 

“Babe.” She whispered softly, running her hands up Tobin’s back another time, trying to get her attention.

 

“Hmmm?” Tobin mumbled without moving.

 

“Let’s go take a shower” Christen whispered again.

 

“Uh-un.” Tobin mumbled her version of ‘no’, turning her face so it was pressed into Christen’s skin a little more. “It’s nap time.” She mumbled again.

 

Christen had expected this. Sex always put Tobin right to sleep.

 

“I know, baby, but we’ve gotta go pick Peyton up soon.” She pointed out.

 

Peyton was done with school in less than an hour and they never wanted to make her wait on them.

 

“You’ll come with me to get her?” Tobin mumbled in question.

 

“Yeah.” Christen nodded, rubbing another pattern across Tobin’s back.

 

“And then you’ll come home with us and stay tonight?” Tobin continued.

 

‘Yeah.”

 

“Will you bring enough stuff to stay all weekend?” She wondered again as she finally lifted her head to make eye contact with Christen.

 

“Yeah,” Christen assured her of what they had talked about earlier. “We can bring Reese with to get PJ and then you can drop me off at my car and I’ll drive it to your place. I don’t want it sitting at the bar all weekend.”

 

Tobin finally smiled. “K.”

 

“But first, we need a shower after that.” Christen smiled too.

 

“Alright…” Tobin sighed and finally rolled off of Christen and sat up, wishing for a nap but knowing they didn’t have time for one now.

 

Christen grabbed Tobin’s face again and kissed her once more before they were climbing out of bed and heading for the shower.

 

Thirty-five minutes later, they were both dressed in Christen’s clothes and ready to go get Peyton.

 

Christen locked up her front door as Tobin loaded Reese into her truck before they pulled out of the driveway heading for the elementary school.

 

They held hands the whole drive and Tobin couldn’t help but just let herself smile.

 

After how emotional the last three and a half weeks had been for them, she was finally enjoying the happy emotions that were flowing between them now. Silently begging them to stay as long as they could.

 

It was like Christen was thinking the same thing as they pulled into a parking spot in the front row at Peyton’s school, looking over at Tobin with a big smile.

 

“I love this.” She whispered.

 

“Me too.” Tobin agreed, understanding so easily exactly what Christen meant.

 

Tobin opened the package of gummy worms that Christen had gotten her earlier as they waited, smiling as she ate a few before holding the package out and offering some to her girlfriend.

 

Christen just shook her head no, letting Tobin have them for herself, wanting her to enjoy them like Peyton said she would.

 

They both looked at each other and grinned when the school bell sounded not long after that, knowing it would only be another minute or two before their favorite girl was running out to greet them.

 

Peyton came through the doors a short time later with her backpack on, walking next to a boy with curly blonde hair as both kids talked animatedly to each other.

 

Tobin didn’t recognize him as one of Peyton's friends and she was pretty sure she’d never seen him before, finding it odd since she knew almost all of Peyton’s classmates by name.

 

“Huh, who’s that boy with Peyton?” Christen wondered as she watched them too, looking over at Tobin with an interested smile.

 

“I’m not sure.” Tobin answered her.  

 

They watched for a moment longer as Peyton and the boy came to a stop on the sidewalk, getting ready to go their separate ways while turning to each other to say goodbye. Before they walked away from each other, the blonde boy moved towards Peyton and hugged her, catching both Tobin and Christen off guard as they observed from inside the car.

 

“Oh, Woah, buddy.” Tobin blurted out quickly.

 

“ _Ohh_.” Christen raised her eyebrows in surprise at the same time.

 

They watched as Peyton hugged him back before they broke apart as both kids beamed at each other until the boy took off running in the opposite direction.

 

Christen and Tobin both looked over at each other with clear surprise written on both of their faces.

 

“What the hell was that?” Tobin laughed in disbelief.

 

“Uh oh..” Christen chuckled in response. “I think they might have a crush on each other...” She hummed in a sing-song voice, trying to tease Tobin a little more.

 

“Uhh, they better not...” Tobin murmured, only half joking.

 

Christen swatted her arm playfully, obviously finding the whole situation funnier than Tobin had.

 

Peyton hopped off the curb then and started to make her way towards the truck, clearly lost in her own world for a moment before she looked up and saw who was sitting inside of it next to Tobin.

 

The kid couldn’t believe her eyes as she spotted Christen in the passenger’s seat. It was like she was dreaming the best dream she could think of.

 

She was so happy and surprised that she stopped in her tracks and let her jaw drop slightly.

 

Tobin and Christen both noticed her do it from inside the truck, looking at each other once more and laughing again as they both reached for their door handles at the same time to hop out.

 

“Christen!” Peyton finally yelled out as Christen stepped around the door of the truck and came into view.

 

Her little feet were moving quickly then as she broke into a run the last few feet before crashing into Christen in a big hug as the older woman knelt down.

 

“Hey, sweetie.” Christen laughed through their embrace.

 

Peyton pulled back enough to look at Christen with a giant smile, like she was just making sure she was really there, before hugging her tightly for a moment longer. Loving that her favorite person was right in front of her again.

 

“Are you coming home with us?!” Peyton wondered as they separated again.

 

“Yep.” Christen nodded. “And guess who’s in the truck?”

 

“Reese?” Peyton guessed, her eyes lighting up a little more.

 

“Yeah.” Christen chuckled as she stood up. “We’re all going home together.”

 

“Yes!” Peyton jumped up and down a few times, her backpack hitting her back in excitement as she did.

 

She then turned around to look at Tobin who had made her way around the front of the truck towards them, running a couple steps to hug her too.

 

“Toby!”

 

“Hey, dude.” Tobin grinned as Peyton’s hands wrapped around her waist. “How was your day?”

 

“Good!” Peyton responded as she took her backpack off and handed it over to Tobin and then ran towards the door of the truck to see Reese as well.

 

They all climbed in as Peyton settled in the back seat and hugged the dog tightly, letting him lick all over her face as she giggled.

 

Tobin turned around before she put her seatbelt on and smiled at how happy Peyton was.

 

“How was school, bud?” She asked.

 

“It was  _really_ fun!” Peyton answered her as she put her own seatbelt on.

 

“That’s good.” Tobin nodded. “Who was that boy you were just talking to? I’ve never seen him before.”

 

“That’s my friend Landon!” Peyton’s eyes lit up again, thinking of the boy again. “Member he moved here from Arizona? Mrs. Lee gave us new seats today and now we sit right next to each other!”

 

“Oh..” Tobin murmured.

 

Christen started to laugh when Tobin had no idea what to say after that, raising her eyebrows at Tobin again like she was silently teasing her.

 

Peyton didn’t dwell on it for long, though, having more important things to tell them about right now.

 

“But Toby and Christen, guess what!”

 

“What, cutie?” Christen wondered as she turned around to face the backseat too, both adults giving Peyton their full attention.

 

“Today we also found out what play we’re doing for the end of the year program.” Peyton informed them.

 

Every year grades one through five at the elementary school did a play or a musical performance as a way to usher out another school year. Peyton loved the first two she was apart of so she was more than ecstatic about doing it again this year to cap off third grade.  

 

“Really? What play is it?” Tobin wondered back, matching Peyton’s excitement again.

 

“The story of Tūtū Pele!” Peyton beamed. “She’s the creator of the Hawaiian Islands!”

 

“Yeah, that’s right.” Tobin nodded, knowing the old Hawaiian legend that Peyton was referring to. “She’s the Goddess of Fire. She lives in Kilauea on the Big Island.”

 

Christen turned to look at Tobin again, slightly surprised at Tobin’s knowledge on the subject.

 

Mt. Kilauea, a volcano on the Big Island, had been erupting for a couple weeks now, and it was all over the news every time Christen turned on her car radio or tv, so she recognized that name immediately.

 

“That’s why we’re doing the story!” Peyton continued. “Mrs. Lee said that Tūtū Pele gets mad when people are mean to the earth, and when she gets angry, the lava comes out. So we have to teach people how to be kind again because when we’re kind to the land, Tūtū Pele cares for us and helps us. That’s what the play is about!”

 

“That’s awesome, dude.” Tobin grinned encouragingly.

 

“And me and Landon are being the explorers together!” Peyton grinned again. “Toby, can we invite him over to practice before the play? I have seven lines I have to read and he has six. We hafta do it together so we don’t mess up any parts!”

 

“You and Landon, huh?” Tobin questioned, trying not to sound too unexcited about that. “Yeah, we can probably do that… we’ll have to see…”

 

Christen bit her lip so she wouldn't laugh at the look on Tobin’s face again and then changed the subject back to the story, needing to hear more.

 

“Is it true?” Christen wondered out loud, wanting some details. “The legend, I mean?”

 

“It seems like it.” Tobin shrugged, “The Hawaiian people believe it, at least.”

 

“It _is_ real!” Peyton seconded. “It’s just like the giant lizard! People see that, right Toby? So that means it’s real.”

 

“Yeah, that’s true.” Tobin nodded and turned to Christen again. “It’s just like seeing the lizard, babe. You know about that one.”

 

Christen scrunched her eyebrows together in question. “I don’t know what the lizard is either.” She admitted.

 

“Seriously?” Tobin wondered. “How long have you lived here?”

 

The lizard, as it was referred to, was the oldest natural wonder on Kauai, and usually, one of the first things tourists and new residents went and saw when they arrived on the island.

 

“I have no idea what it is...” Christen shrugged.

 

Tobin turned around to look at Peyton again and they both smiled. “What do you think, bud? Should we take Christen to see the lizard?”

 

“Right now?” Peyton gasped. “Can we?”

 

“If Christen wants to see it…” Tobin looked over at her girlfriend again.

 

“Well, yeah!” Christen laughed like it was obvious, “Show me this lizard already, geez...”

 

Tobin and Peyton both chuckled a little more as Tobin put her seatbelt on, before they pulled out of the school parking lot finally, heading towards Poipu Beach where the lizard was, just a few miles away.

 

Tobin parked close to the sand when they arrived and they all got out and made their way down to the beach in front of them. Peyton ran on ahead with Reese while Tobin led Christen down the beach with their hands intertwined, walking for a few minutes until they all got to the edge of where the soft sand ended in a favor of a rougher terrain.  

 

There were various large rocks lining the water ahead of them after that, making it a little more difficult to navigate.

 

Peyton climbed up on them first to keep going in the direction they were headed, trying to keep pace with Reese as he trotted easily over the rocks in front of her.

 

“It’s not much further, I promise.” Tobin hummed as she jumped up on the rocks the same way Peyton had and then pulled Christen up on them too.

 

They all walked single file after that, with Peyton staying closer to them at Tobin’s insistence.

 

A couple minutes later, they made it to a flatter portion of the volcanic rock, where it was smooth enough for them to walk side by side.  

 

Suddenly without warning, Tobin abruptly stopped walking called out for Peyton to stop too, turning to look out at the water without saying anything else.

 

Peyton skipped back to them with a smile as Christen stopped next to them; waiting quietly without moving any further.  

 

Christen felt like she was missing something obvious and important, watching as Peyton and Tobin both stared hard out towards the water with smiles on their faces.

 

“What are we looking at?” She whispered as she leaned in a little closer to Tobin.

 

Tobin turned to face her girlfriend before she answered. “The Lizard.” She whispered.

 

Christen looked out towards the water again, spotting the usual waves that were washing into shore like they normally did, and then looked back at Tobin with a puzzled look on her face.

 

They held eye contact in silence until Tobin grabbed Christen’s waist and pulled her closer for a moment.

 

“Just wait,” Tobin whispered in return. “Look into my eyes and wait. Don’t think about anything else.”

 

Christen swallowed softly and couldn’t look away, like suddenly Tobin had some sort of spell on her.

 

Their silence probably lasted thirty seconds, as Christen tried her best not to break.

 

Tobin licked her lips and started to lean in so slowly, distracting Christen even more, until a giant _WHOOSH_ of noise and water shot out of the rocks, high into the air, right on the edge of the water in the exact spot where they were standing.

 

Christen screamed loudly and ducked down quickly, covering her head as she did to shield herself from it.

 

There was a huge spout of water launching probably fifty feet into the air, seemingly out of nowhere. Like some kind of faucet had been turned on at full pressure under the earth beneath them.

 

Tobin and Peyton immediately busted out laughing at her while Reese started to bark from the commotion.

 

“This is the lizard, babe.” Tobin shouted over the noise, holding her hand out for Christen to take, trying to get her to stand back up.

 

Christen took Tobin’s hand and stood back up once she got used to the noise, her jaw hanging down in shock as she wrapped her arms around Tobin’s waist for support.

 

“Holy. Shit.” Christen finally laughed in amazement, waiting a few seconds until the water dropped from its heights and the earth went quite once again, almost like it had never happened at all.

 

“Oh my gosh!” Peyton howled, still laughing her head off at Christen’s reaction. "Christen, you were _so_ funny!"

 

“That scared the crap outta me!” Christen defended herself, slugging Tobin in the arm. “Thanks for the warning!”

 

Tobin moved a couple steps and wrapped Christen up in a hug then. “Oh my god, Chris, your reaction was priceless…”

 

Peyton joined them after a moment, letting Tobin pick her up as they all three hugged, both of them laughing together now at what had just happened. Christen let them tease her as she hung on tight to both of them, just wanting to be close to her two favorite people as they stood there on the rocks.

 

“I’m sorry..” Tobin finally said as she wiped a tear from her eye from laughing so hard. “It just so much more fun to watch when they don’t know it’s coming, isn’t it PJ?”

 

“Yeah, that was the best!” Peyton nodded, still smiling widely.

 

Christen grinned and pinched Tobin’s hip, before softening completely.

 

She was glad she could be of entertainment for them, after all.

 

“Now you know what the lizard is...” Tobin murmured. “It’s like one of the most famous natural wonders on the island.”

 

“How did that even happen?” Christen asked, still trying to completely settle her nerves again.

 

Tobin quickly explained how an eroding underground lava shelf created a natural blowhole, which sprays ocean water up into the air when big waves crash against it.

 

That’s how Tobin could tell it was coming. She just had to look at the waves.

 

There was folklore among the native Hawaiian’s that a giant lizard was stuck in the rocks; the legend states that the lizard tries to scare people away from its land by making noise and blowing water out of the blowhole. It's a story that has been around for hundreds of years.

 

“That’s incredible.” Christen smiled when Tobin finished telling the story in the same way she’d been told it several years ago.

 

Tobin just nodded and laughed a little more, finally setting Peyton back down in between them so she could stand on her own again.

 

Peyton reached up and grabbed both of their hands as a new set of waves was approaching, readying themselves for another lizard attack.

 

Christen and Tobin looked at each other again and smiled quietly as they braced for it.

 

Peyton’s laughter came just before another rush of water, and what had been scary the first time was beautiful and amazing to Christen the second time.

 

Just like today had been.

 

It was how her life always was next to these two.

 

Surprising and amazing and beautiful. Even when it was hard.

 

Standing there watching the water shoot into the air again, well, all Christen could do was count her blessings, finally knowing they’d made it all the way back.

 

She realized then that they could make it through anything as long as they did it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there is your daily Hawaiian folklore lesson :)


	27. Carry On.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you get lost then I will lead you home  
> And all you need to know is  
> I'll be there
> 
>  
> 
> .

“Peyton Jo. Ten minutes!” Tobin yelled over her shoulder as she was standing at the kitchen counter, pouring some hot coffee that Christen had made earlier into a to-go thermos to take with her on their drive to school.

 

She yawned as she popped the lid on the cup before she took a small sip of the hot liquid, feeling the effects of being awake early on this Monday morning and hoping the caffeine would help to wake her up a bit.

 

They’d been out quite a bit later than usual the night before, over at Alex and Servando’s house for a family dinner and game night to end their weekend, and somehow they were all struggling from that now. Even Peyton, who was usually a ball of energy in the morning, was moving at a slower pace than normal.

 

The child didn’t respond to Tobin’s warning from where she was at in her bathroom down the hall, instead shutting the door without a response, closing herself off like she wanted some privacy.

 

Tobin could also hear the blow drier running in her bedroom, knowing Christen was in the midst of getting ready for work at the same time.

 

Christen had a few important meetings on her schedule for the day, so she had been up for a couple hours already, studying some work materials before she woke Tobin up so they could hop in the shower together and start their day.

 

Tobin looked at the clock on the stove again before she sighed and looked down at Reese next to her. “You and I are the always the first ones ready.” She mumbled to the dog.

 

Reese blinked slowly at her a few times and then let out a huff and walked towards the patio door and laid down against it, dropping his head to the hardwood floor like he was ready for a nap.

 

“Or at least I am.” Tobin whispered again to the silence.

 

Normally, Peyton would just take the bus to school and Tobin wouldn’t be in any rush, but she was driving the kid today because she had an 8:30 appointment with her therapist, Stephanie, scheduled this morning and she figured she could just drop Peyton off on the way.

 

Tobin enjoyed her coffee for another minute as she looked out the back patio door at the ocean waves crashing to the shore just down from their property, giving Peyton some more time to finish getting ready, before she eventually made her way down the hallway to see what she was up to.

 

Tobin passed up Peyton’s bedroom that had clothes uncharacteristically strewn about all over the floor and made it to the bathroom door where she knocked lightly.

 

“PJ?” She called with her face right against it.

 

There was a momentary pause before the child responded. “What?”

 

“Can I come in?”

 

Peyton took another few seconds before she opened the door for Tobin, looking up at her curiously as soon as she did.

 

“You almost ready, dude?” Tobin asked, trying to gently move the child along.

 

They had all eaten breakfast together before Tobin made sure Peyton was dressed and that her hair was done, so she wasn’t sure what she was even still doing in the bathroom.

 

“Not yet.” Peyton shook her head and opened the door further.

 

Tobin could tell Peyton had changed clothes from what she was wearing a bit ago, leaving another pile of t-shirts on the bathroom floor.

 

“Okay…” Tobin hummed as she looked around. “Is everything okay? Why’d you change?”

 

“Because that shirt was ugly.” Peyton responded as she looked back in the mirror and pulled her ponytail out of her hair that Tobin had helped her put in a few minutes ago.

 

“Alright…” Tobin mumbled, getting a little confused as to why Peyton suddenly cared so much about her outfit. “Well, wear that shirt then, I don’t care… but put your hair back up, we gotta get going soon.”

 

Peyton let out a frustrated sigh without saying anything for a moment, stepping a little closer to the mirror before she finally spoke quietly. “I don’t wanna wear a ponytail...” She whispered, dropping her shoulders a little in dejection. “I wanted to look pretty today.”

 

“You are pretty, PJ...” Tobin responded easily. “You’re the prettiest girl I know. Nobody even comes close.”

 

“But I wanted to wear a dress to school.” Peyton continued, her voice suddenly sounding like she was on the verge of a meltdown.

 

Tobin sighed and took another step into the bathroom, trying to get the kid to calm down.

 

She was caught off guard a little because this never really happened. Peyton was usually so carefree about how she looked and she always wore a random t-shirt and shorts to school and was more than happy about it.

 

“What’s going on today, buddy?” Tobin murmured softly as she bent down and put her hand on Peyton’s shoulder. “You can wear a dress if you want to. Go pick one out and put it on... I don’t care… I don’t want you to be upset about it.”

 

“But then my hair won’t be pretty enough for the dress and it will look stupid.” Peyton mumbled, letting her eyes drop to the ground in between them defeatedly.

 

Tobin let out another breath. “I think you’re overthinking it, dude.”

 

That seemed to just frustrate the kid even more.

 

“Then go away!” She pushed on Tobin’s waist, telling her to leave the bathroom.

 

Tobin threw her hands up and turned around to exit the bathroom as instructed, knowing that if she didn’t leave the room right now, Peyton would get mad at her and it’d turn into a fight and then they’d actually be late.

 

She heard the door shut behind her as soon as she was out in the hallway again.

 

Tobin made her way through the house then, back towards her bedroom where Christen was still getting ready, pushing the door open and slipping inside, trying not to let herself get frustrated too.

 

Christen was standing in the small bathroom in Tobin’s room with the door open, leaning in close to the mirror. She had a knee-length dark blue skirt on with a white blouse tucked into it, looking dressed up and put together as she finished off her makeup.

 

“Babe?” Tobin murmured as she crossed her room towards her girlfriend.

 

“Yeah?” Christen hummed, concentrating while putting on her mascara without looking over at Tobin.

 

“I’m tapping out...” Tobin sighed again. “Tag team. You’re up.”

 

Christen finished her mascara and put the brush back into the tube and then looked over at Tobin with a questioning look.

 

“Why, what’s wrong?”

 

“I don’t know.” Tobin shrugged. “Peyton is having some weird crisis about her outfit and her hair right now. I have no idea where it’s coming from because last I checked, she couldn’t care less about how she looked for school, but apparently, that has changed, as of this morning.”

 

“What’d she say?” Christen wondered as she leaned against the door frame, looking at Tobin as she sat down on the bed in front of her.

 

“She said her Minnie Mouse t-shirt was ugly that I picked out for her to wear so she changed her clothes, and then she said her ponytail was ugly so she took that out, and now she’s saying she wants to wear a dress to school but she can’t because her hair won’t be pretty enough for a dress.”

 

They looked at each other for a moment before Tobin threw her hands up and shrugged a second time.

 

Christen smiled at how clearly lost her girlfriend was as she pushed herself up from leaning against the door frame, walking a few steps across the room to where Tobin was sitting.

 

“Well, I’ll go do her hair quick then.” Christen offered as she came to a stop in front of Tobin, knowing the solution to their problem was an easy one.

 

“Do you have time?” Tobin wondered as she looked over at the clock on the nightstand, realizing Christen had to leave soon, too. “If not, it’s fine. She’ll live without it.”

 

“Yeah, I have time.” Christen nodded easily. “We can’t have Peyton upset before school, right? She’s got a whole new day ahead of her. She should be able to leave home feeling happy before anything else happens in her day.”

 

“Yeah, I guess...” Tobin murmured. “I don’t know why it matters to her all the sudden, though. We’re not gonna go through this every morning from now on.”

 

Christen put her hands on Tobin’s shoulders and started to lean down towards her.

 

“She’s got a new seat buddy in class that she’s trying to impress, remember?” She smiled as she pressed a kiss to Tobin’s lips. ”Let her have this today. She’s probably been thinking about it all weekend.”

 

Tobin kissed her back for a moment before Christen spoke again. “I mean.. I always wanna look pretty for you, it’s the same thing.”

 

“She’s eight, babe,” Tobin mumbled against Christen’s lips. “She shouldn’t be worried about this stuff yet.”

 

“Yeah, eight going on sixteen, apparently.” Christen laughed as she pulled back.

 

Tobin rolled her eyes, knowing Christen was trying to get to her, watching from the bed as her girlfriend ducked out into the hallway to go help Peyton before she stood up and made her way out of the room behind her.

 

Christen made her way down the hallway until she came to the bathroom door where Peyton was, knocking softly as she reached it.

 

“Hey, Peyton?” She called through the closed door. “It’s Christen, can I come in?”

 

She stood there for a moment until the door opened again with Peyton looking up at her with red and slightly puffy eyes as if she had been crying.

 

“Hey, Sweetie.” Christen smiled at her softly. “Is everything okay?”

 

Peyton nodded her head yes even though it clearly wasn’t and pulled the door open more and then stepped back to let Christen in. She had changed clothes again and was now wearing a purple dress with flowers on it. The same one she wore the night Christen went to the Luau with them all those months ago.

 

“I love that dress on you, cutie.” Christen grinned at her. “You look so beautiful in it.”

 

Peyton didn’t respond as she was clearly trying her best to hold back tears, rubbing her hands over her eyes like she hoped Christen wouldn’t know she had been crying.

 

Christen gave her a moment to say something and when she didn’t, the older woman crouched down in front of her so they were eye to eye.

 

“What’s wrong, my little love bug?” Christen wondered as she brushed Peyton’s hair behind her shoulder, looking at her with gentle concern.

 

Peyton’s bottom lip started to quiver a little as she shrugged her shoulders, taking another long pause before she finally told Christen what was bothering her.

 

“I wanted to make my hair look pretty for school today but I don’t know how to do it.” She whispered.

 

“Well, would you mind if I helped you?” Christen wondered lightly, flashing an encouraging smile at Peyton. “We have a couple minutes before we all have to leave and I can do whatever you want to your hair.”

 

“Really?” Peyton asked, looking at Christen with more hopeful eyes now like she hadn’t considered asking her for help yet. “Could you help me do a braid?”

 

“Sure.” Christen nodded at her and stood back up. “What kind of braid should we do?”

 

‘Umm.” Peyton stood up a little straighter, letting herself relax slightly. “Could you do it like you did that one time when we were at the Disney resort? I really liked that one.”

 

“The French braid? Of course, I can.” Christen agreed happily. “That will look great with your dress.”

 

Peyton nodded and took a deep breath as she turned to face the mirror, letting herself calm down now that Christen was here to help. It was all she had needed all morning.

 

Christen spent a few minutes french braiding Peyton’s hair as Peyton looked at their reflections in the mirror, silently studying the older woman as she concentrated on her work; with Christen wanting to make it perfect so that Peyton would be happy with the outcome and ready for her day.

 

Christen only looked up once, just in time to catch Peyton’s eyes in the mirror, noticing the big grin the kid now had on her face and quickly wondering what was so amusing to her.

 

“What are you smiling at?” She hummed in question, threading her fingers through Peyton’s long, curly hair, the same way she learned to braid as a pre-teen.

 

“Umm. I don’t know.” Peyton spoke a little quieter, feeling shy about Christen’s question. She paused and then decided to answer her. “You just look really pretty today.”

 

Christen looked up from Peyton’s hair again and met the child’s eyes in the mirror a second time, both of them smiling at each other. “Thanks, girly.” She returned before Peyton continued.

 

“I hope one day I get to be as beautiful as you are. Toby thinks you’re the prettiest girl ever and she loves you so much because you’re like her real-life princess.”

 

“Awww, sweetie…” Christen laughed softly, practically blushing at Peyton’s compliments. “Thank you for being so sweet, but you know what? Toby definitely thinks you are the prettiest. And so do I.”

 

Peyton smiled a little more and went quiet for a second before she looked up again.

 

“Christen?” She wondered, waiting for them to make eye contact again. “If you and Toby think I’m pretty, do you think other people think that too?”

 

“Of course they do.” Christen nodded truthfully. “You’re very beautiful, Peyton.”

 

Peyton let her eyes find the bathroom vanity for a second before she lifted her eyes back and raised her eyebrows more hopefully. “Do you think my friend Landon thinks I’m pretty?”

 

Christen could barely contain how wide her grin was now.

 

“I’m sure that he does, honey.” She paused momentarily as Peyton’s face got red as she smiled from ear to ear before Christen asked a question of her own. “Do you want Landon to think you’re pretty?”

 

Peyton clasped her hands together in front of herself and shrugged a little before she finally answered her.

 

“Yeah, because he’s really nice.” She nodded, “And he’s really funny and he makes all the kids at school laugh all the time.”

 

Christen smiled at her again, loving Peyton’s unknowing way of admitting her crush. “And now he gets to sit right by you. He’s a lucky boy.”

 

Peyton just nodded but didn’t respond again as she focused on her hair in the mirror once more, watching as Christen got to the end of the braid before she reached for a hair binder and tied it onto the end so that the braid would stay.

 

She then spun Peyton around so she could see the back of it in the mirror.

 

“How’s that?”

 

“Good! It’s really pretty!” Peyton beamed again, loving her perfect French braid.

 

“Awesome.” Christen high-fived her. “Should we go show Tobin so you can get to school?”

 

Peyton nodded and grabbed Christen’s hand as she pulled the bathroom door open and led them out into the hallway.

 

Tobin was sitting on the island countertop scrolling through her phone when Peyton and Christen entered the living room, looking up just in time to smile at them, looking slightly relieved that Peyton’s hair was done and she was seemingly ready for school.

 

“Wow, my girls are beautiful.” She marvelled at them as she hopped down from the counter and started to walk towards the two, winking at Christen before she directed her attention fully at Peyton. “Peyton Jo, look how perfect you are. I love your hair and your dress so much.”

 

“Christen made me into a princess, just like her!” Peyton jumped up and down once before she twirled with another big smile.

 

Tobin and Christen just laughed at her as Tobin got close, pulling Peyton into a hug. “You’re always a princess, don’t forget that okay?” She hummed to the kid. “Even when your hair isn’t braided and you don’t have a dress on, you’re still our princess.”

 

“But now I’m a prettier princess!” Peyton smiled up at her as she wrapped her arms around Tobin’s waist and rested her chin on Tobin’s stomach.

 

“Yeah, alright.” Tobin nodded to reassure her. “Tell Christen thank you and then go put your shoes on cause we gotta get going.”

 

Peyton let go of the hold she had on Tobin and then bounced over to Christen a foot away, throwing her arms around Christen’s waist the same way.

 

“Thank you.” She looked up with a smile, all her earlier troubles now dissipated.

 

“Of course. Anytime.” Christen responded as she ran a hand over Peyton’s hair. “Have fun at school today.”

 

“Okay.” Peyton nodded and released Christen before she spun around and ran towards the entryway to get her shoes on.

 

As soon as Peyton disappeared around the corner, Tobin slid over to Christen and wrapped her arms around her waist, kissing her lips softly. “I love you.” She hummed into the kiss.

 

“Love you.” Christen smiled against Tobin’s lips before she pulled back an inch so she could actually talk. “Little PJ keeps calling me a princess, was that your doing?” She wondered playfully.

 

“No way, I haven’t said a thing” Tobin chuckled and then smiled a little slyly. “Plus, you’re not a princess… Peyton is my princess, you’re my queen.”

 

“Oh my god.” Christen rolled her eyes. “That sounds so tacky, honey...”

 

“Babe..” Tobin laughed a little more. “I’m serious.”

 

“That’s a terrible line, Tobs.” Christen shook her head but was smiling happily.

 

“It’s not a line.” Tobin bobbed her shoulders with a gentle shake of her head. “You’re my woman, so you’re my queen...”

 

“Okay, I have to finish getting ready before your cheesiness makes me late.” Christen murmured with another grin before she leaned in to kiss Tobin’s lips a few more times in a row.

 

Peyton came back into the living room then with her Nike tennis shoes on, slinging her backpack over her shoulders.

 

“Don’t you wanna wear your sandals with your dress?” Tobin raised her eyebrows curiously at Peyton.

 

“No.” Peyton shook her head. “Because I still have to run faster than the boys at recess and my sandals make me too slow.”

 

“Solid point.” Tobin laughed.

 

“That’s my girl.” Christen winked at her too.

 

“K, we’re going.” Tobin looked over at Christen again. “Can you lock up when you leave?”

 

“Yeah.” Christen nodded and then took a step towards Tobin again, speaking a little quieter now. “Good luck with Stephanie this morning. Call me after if you need to. I’ll keep my phone with me if I’m not in my office.”

 

“Okay.” Tobin hummed and kissed Christen one last time. “Have a good day, baby.”

 

“You too” Christen smiled. “I love you both.”

 

“Love you the most!” Peyton waved as she turned to skip towards the garage door goofily, her mood completely changed from where it’d been this morning, in the best way possible.

 

Both adults laughed once more and Tobin shook her head as she followed Peyton out to the garage so they could finally get on their way.

 

“Toby, how come I didn’t take the school bus today?” Peyton wondered as they turned out of their neighborhood from where she was buckled into the backseat.

 

Tobin looked at her in the rearview mirror quickly before she answered.

 

“I don’t know.. I just figured I’d drive you since I’ve gotta come this way anyway.” She shrugged. “I like spending time with you in the morning.”

 

“Are you going surfing right now?” Peyton wondered.

 

“Not right now.” Tobin shook her head. “I’ve gotta meet someone for a little bit before I go to the beach.”

 

“Who do you have to meet?” The kid questioned again.

 

Tobin let out a breath for a moment before she answered. “Just a lady that I’ve been talking to.”

 

“How come?” Peyton scrunched her forehead a little bit.

 

“She’s just helping me so I can feel a little happier every day.” Tobin responded.

 

Peyton’s concern seemed to grow a little with Tobin’s explanation.

 

“Did you tell Christen you’re talking to another lady? Because I thought Christen was the one who always makes you happier because you love her…. “ She shook her head. “Toby, I don’t think you should be talking with another lady, too. Remember when my friend Skyler’s dad was talking to another lady and Skyler’s mommy got really mad at him?”

 

Tobin couldn’t help but chuckle out loud.

 

“Yeah, bud, I remember.” She nodded after a moment, thinking of what Peyton had told her about her friend’s mom and dad getting divorced last year. “Christen knows about this though, it’s not like that... The lady I’m talking to, it’s her job to help people. I’m talking to her because I love Christen, and you, and I want to try and feel better so I’m happy all the time at home with you guys.”

 

“Oh.” Peyton nodded as she fell silent, presumably thinking over what Tobin had just said.

 

“Have you ever heard the word ‘therapist’ before?” Tobin continued, trying to explain it more to Peyton.

 

“Um, I don’t know.” Peyton shrugged. “What’s that?”

 

“The lady who I’m meeting with, her name is Stephanie and she’s called a therapist. She’s a doctor who people talk to so that they can work through problems that they’re having and make themselves feel better.”

 

Tobin took a left at the stoplight in front of them, letting Peyton process the information she was giving her.

 

“Is it because you’re still feeling sad?” Peyton finally wondered after a moment of silence.

 

“Yeah, sometimes I am.” Tobin nodded truthfully.

 

“But Christen came back home, so how come you’re sad still?”

 

“It just happens.” Tobin shrugged. “I’m still feeling sad about your mommy sometimes and it just helps me to talk about it. I miss her a lot, buddy.”

 

Tobin came to a stop at another red light and turned around to look at Peyton in the backseat for a moment. They held eye contact for a second before Peyton reached out for Tobin’s hand, opening her palm until Tobin reached back and grabbed her hand in return.

 

“I miss mommy too.” Peyton murmured like she understood, giving Tobin’s hand a squeeze, once again seeming way older than eight years old.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin nodded lightly.

 

They shared another moment before Tobin gently let go of Peyton’s hand again and turned back around just as the light turned green, pressing on the gas as they turned into the school parking lot.

 

“Christen helps makes me feel better though,” Peyton spoke up again as Tobin pulled into a parking space, almost like she was finishing her thought on the subject. “When she’s there, it feels happier like when mommy was here.”

 

Tobin unbuckled her seatbelt after she put her truck into park and turned around more to look at Peyton again.

 

“Christen helps us a lot, doesn’t she?” She agreed with the child’s words.

 

Peyton nodded her head yes, unable to keep from smiling. “I think she likes to take care of us. She’s really good at doing my hair and she always kisses you when you don’t burn dinner so I think she really loves us.”

 

Tobin chuckled again. “Yeah, I’m glad we have her.”

 

“Toby?” Peyton wondered as she took her seatbelt off too, reaching for her backpack on the seat next to her. “Are you gonna marry Christen?”

 

Tobin smiled a little. “I don’t know, bud.” she shrugged again. “We haven’t been together that long, so it’s hard to say right now, but maybe...” She paused and then continued. “Do you think I should marry her?”

 

“Yeah!” Peyton hummed, more excitedly now. “Because she seems like she’s really good at being a wife.”

 

Tobin laughed. “Yeah, she would make a great wife, huh? I’m glad you like her so much, PJ, it means a lot to me.”

 

Peyton just nodded again as the bell outside the school sounded, letting the kids know that class was about to start.

 

“Alright, dude, time to go in.” Tobin reached for her door handle, ending their conversation before it got any more involved.

 

Peyton wanted to walk into class alone so she gave Tobin a hug in the parking lot before running off in her dress and tennis shoes towards the school, almost like their whole conversation was now an afterthought to the child.

 

Tobin watched the kid from where she stood until she disappeared inside the doors before climbing back in her truck and heading for Stephanie’s office.

 

x

 

Tobin pulled into the office parking lot with two minutes to spare, silencing her phone as she hopped out of her truck and made her way to the door, forcing herself to go in without overthinking it.

 

In truth, she felt a lot better this week than she had last week about this, feeling like she was starting to understand the whole therapy process a little better. It didn’t feel as daunting and scary as she once thought it was.

 

She assumed she wouldn’t feel as optimistic about every session as she felt about this one, but for now, she was grateful to feel mostly relaxed as she walked across the small parking lot towards the building.

 

Stephanie’s receptionist gave Tobin a big smile as she swung the door to the lobby open and stepped inside the building.

 

“Good morning, Tobin!” The younger woman greeted quickly from where she sat behind her desk.

 

“Hey.” Tobin waved smally as she nodded and let out a breath.

 

“Dr. Misaki will be ready to meet with you in just a few minutes.” The woman smiled again.

 

“Cool.” Tobin nodded and took a seat in one of the few empty lobby chairs, glad that nobody else was waiting there next to her.

 

She bounced her knee as she was lost in thought for a moment before Stephanie emerged from her office, greeting Tobin with a slightly less overbearing smile than the receptionist had, but a comforting one all the same.

 

“Tobin.” She murmured gently, “It’s good to see you again.”

 

Tobin stood up again and took a couple steps, offering a hand to Stephanie.

 

“You too.” She nodded, unsure if that was the best way to greet her, but just going with it.

 

Stephanie grabbed Tobin’s hand with both of hers softly, giving her another slight smile that eased Tobin’s anxiety before it could creep up, as they both turned around and made their way into Stephanie’s office.

 

“No Christen today?” Stephanie observed first as they sat down across from each other.

 

The older woman grabbed her pad of paper and a pen to write with before she let her eyes focus on Tobin.

 

“Nah.” Tobin shook her head as she got comfortable on the couch across the small room. “She has to work this morning and I figured I’d have to try and do this on my own at some point.”

 

“Well, it’s very brave of you to come anyway.” Stephanie smiled a little again, fully meaning that.

 

“Yeah, I guess so.” Tobin shrugged and then fiddled with her hands a little, starting to feel awkward again.

 

It was like Stephanie could sense that Tobin was about to tense up, trying to distract her with easy conversation until she relaxed again.

 

“It was a gorgeous weekend, wasn’t it?” She smiled. “Did you get a chance to enjoy the weather at all?”

 

“Yeah.” Tobin grinned in response. “Christen and Peyton and I spent most of the weekend at the beach and then last night, we were out at our friends’ house for dinner and a game night in their backyard, so we couldn’t have had a better weekend.”

 

“That’s wonderful.” Stephanie hummed, watching as Tobin’s shoulders visibly relaxed the way she was hoping for.

 

Stephanie paused for a moment as Tobin looked around the room before their eyes met again.

 

“So, Tobin, tell me how you’ve been feeling since last week.” The older woman wondered gently.

 

“Actually pretty good.” Tobin nodded truthfully. “A lot has happened since last week, but overall, it’s been a really good week at home. The session last week seemed to help Christen and I to talk a lot more than we had been, and we seem like we’re getting back to where we used to be before our big fight happened, so that’s been a relief.”

 

“Good.” Stephanie nodded, lightly trying to steer Tobin a little more on where she wanted this conversation to go. “And how about you as an individual? You seem to be in good spirits this morning.”

 

“Yeah, I feel happier, I think...” Tobin couldn’t help but smile a little.

 

Stephanie didn’t interject again, keeping quiet as she waited on Tobin to elaborate. Tobin got the hint after a moment, looking down at her hands as she tried to remind herself that in order for this to work, she had to continue to say her thoughts out loud.

 

“We just had a really good morning at home today. Christen stayed over all weekend and it’s just been so nice to have her around. She makes me feel so much better when she’s there. And Peyton loves it too because they get along so well and have so much in common that it makes everything easier on me. I just really love it when we’re all together.”

 

Stephanie smiled again as she wrote something down on her notepad before she looked up again.

 

“I’m very glad to hear your relationship is doing better.” She hummed. “And how about outside of that aspect? Last week, we talked about checking in with yourself and your emotions regarding other parts of your life. Have you had an opportunity to try and do that yet?”

 

“Yeah, quite a bit, actually.” Tobin nodded again, shifting in her spot on the couch a little bit. “I guess while I’ve been surfing alone every day, I’ve really been trying to focus on that. It goes okay sometimes. I’ve been thinking about what you said a lot though.”

 

“Good.” Stephanie murmured. “Is there anything, in particular, you’ve thought about while checking in with yourself?”

 

“Ahh,” Tobin let out a breath and tried to recall what thoughts she’d had over the past few days. “It seems like a lot of the time I’ve been thinking about and focusing on my relationship with Peyton, to be honest.”

 

“In what ways?” Stephanie questioned.

 

“Just, like…” Tobin shrugged, feeling herself get a little anxious again. “I’ve just been thinking about the best way to raise her now that she’s getting older, and how I feel about it… It’s something that has always made me pretty self-conscious and anxious in general so I’ve been trying to work out my feelings towards being her, like parent, or whatever...”

 

Tobin said the word parent like it made her uncomfortable, visibly squirming as she did.

 

Stephanie pulled her glasses off of her eyes and laid them down on the notepad on her lap, settling her eyes on Tobin so that she would continue.

 

“I don’t know..” Tobin sighed again when she knew she needed to keep talking. “I just go back and forth so much between wanting everyone to know that Jessie is her mom, but also wanting everyone to know that I’m her family too. That I’m the one who is going to be there for her through everything. And to be honest, a lot of times, the correlation between those thoughts and my feelings about them have been pretty, like, negative or toxic in my head. It feels like those thoughts make me into this crazy person sometimes and that’s when I end up fighting with the people in my life.”

 

“Toxic or negative how?” Stephanie wondered.

 

“I guess..” Tobin shrugged as she paused. “Toxic in the way that a lot of my anger comes from that specific subject?” Tobin murmured. “I don’t know.. This probably isn’t even making sense..”

 

“You’re making perfect sense, Tobin.” Stephanie nodded softly. “Can you tell me what part of having those thoughts makes you angry?”

 

Tobin thought on it for a moment, until she could verbalize what she had worked out in her head this past week while thinking about all of this while out on the water alone.

 

“I realized... it’s almost like I get mad no matter how people see me when it comes to Peyton?” Tobin paused and looked up to meet Stephanie’s eyes. “Like, I’m mad when they think I’m her mom because I want people to know Jessie is her mom, but I’m also mad if they don’t think I’m her mom because then they are questioning my devotion to raising her? I don’t know...”

 

Stephanie encouraged her to keep talking with a gentle nod like she understood what Tobin meant.

 

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot, though.” Tobin sighed. “And just when I think I’ve made peace with it, another thought will pop into my head and send me right back to being mad at myself again.”

 

“Why would you be mad at yourself for any of this?” Stephanie questioned, wanting Tobin to explain herself more.

 

“For wanting certain things, I guess?” Tobin hummed.

 

“And what is it that you want?”

 

Tobin bent over so her head was in her hands for a moment above her lap before she rubbed her hands down her face and sat back up, forcing herself to answer Stephanie’s question.

 

“Sometimes I think about what it would be like if I adopted Peyton or something...” Tobin murmured quietly. “And so, I guess since I’m having those thoughts, that means that sometimes I want to do that.. to adopt her, I mean... But then I get mad at myself for wanting that because Jessie is her mom. It just goes in one big circle in my head.”

 

“What are your reasons for wanting to adopt her?” Stephanie continued.

 

“Because I love her like she's my own child,” Tobin responded easily to that question. “And I guess at this point, it basically feels like she’s my kid anyway... Next week it’ll be five years that Jessie has been gone... Which is crazy to think about how fast time has gone... “

 

She paused and bit her lip for a moment like she was lost in a thought before she shook her head and continued with her answer.

 

“...and I want Peyton to have a family, I don’t ever want her to feel alone… not to mention, it would just make my life easier when it comes to legal things for her…” She trailed off again momentarily before she shrugged. “But I guess maybe that’s a selfish reason...”

 

When Stephanie was sure Tobin had answered that question fully, she asked another.

 

“And when you fight with yourself about not wanting to adopt her, what do you think of?”

 

Tobin looked at the ground again, twisting her hands together before she responded.

 

“I don’t know… Peyton needs a Mom.. and I’m.. not that.” Tobin breathed. “Like this morning, she needed a Mom to do girly things with, and I had no idea what to do… but Christen stepped in and fixed everything in an instant in a way that I never could... It’s like I’m just the placeholder for what Jessie should have been.”

 

“When you say ‘Mom things’, what do you mean by that?” Stephanie’s eyebrow quirked a little.

 

“Like, girly things, like doing her hair and helping her feel pretty.” Tobin lifted in her hands from her lap in a shrug.

 

“Tobin,” Stephanie smiled a little. “As a mother myself, I can tell you firsthand that those things aren’t ‘Mom things’, they’re just personal skills that some people care to pick up while others don’t. True ‘Mom things’ are knowing how to nurture and care for a child, to make them feel loved and important and appreciated. And I have no doubt you do all those things for Peyton.”

 

Tobin smiled a little at that too, realizing Stephanie was right.

 

“Yeah, that makes sense.” she nodded before Stephanie spoke again.

 

“I would like to encourage you to not belittle your contributions to Peyton’s life. You are so used to putting yourself down when it comes to all you’ve done for her, and I think the more positively you speak to yourself about it, the more you will realize that. You’re the most important person that she has in her life, let yourself be okay with that.”

 

Tobin let her eyes find her lap and nodded, her head hung a little low at Stephanie’s observation. She was pretty hard on herself sometimes, knowing she could work on that.

 

“Okay.” Tobin hummed if only to acknowledge her.

 

Stephanie wrote another note on her pad of paper before she continued.

 

“What does Peyton think about this?” She asked as she put her glasses back on her eyes.

 

“What do you mean?” Tobin wondered, wanting her to clarify which part she was curious about.

 

“I mean, have you talked to Peyton about your relationship?” Stephanie repeated. “Does she tell how she feels about you being her guardian at all? Does she want you to adopt her?”

 

“We haven’t really talked about it, I guess.” Tobin responded.

 

She’d never really thought much about asking for Peyton’s input on it until now. Tobin always assumed it was far too improbable for her to even bring it up to the child.

 

“Maybe that’s a good place to start?” Stephanie suggested lightly, in a way that let Tobin know it wasn’t a requirement, merely one option to consider. “Maybe see how she feels before you decide any further?”

 

“Yeah, okay… What should I say to her?” Tobin wondered, looking for some advice.

 

Stephanie smiled a little more and set her pen back down.

 

“That’s not something I can really decide for you, unfortunately. You know your relationship with her far better than I ever could. But if you’d like, I can give you some material to look over regarding the legal adoption process and maybe that will start to guide you?”

 

Tobin nodded and let out a slow breath between pursed lips as she thought about it. “Yeah, that would be helpful.” She agreed, at least wanting to give it some more thought for now before deciding if she should bring it up to Peyton.

 

Tobin couldn’t help but let herself relax a little more after that as Stephanie switched gears to a new topic, realizing that if every session was going to be this informative and helpful she was going to wish that she would have started therapy long ago.

 

x

 

When Christen got to Tobin and Peyton’s that night after work, after quickly stopping home to feed Gus and get some clean work clothes, she walked into the house to Peyton and Reese chasing each other around the kitchen island, both the kid and the dog moving at seemingly a million miles an hour.

 

Tobin looked worn out just watching them, but she was smiling all the same, her face lighting up even more when Christen came around the corner into view in the kitchen.

 

“Christen, you’re home!” Peyton yelled out happily as she rounded the island again, realizing her favorite person had just walked in.

 

“Hi, cutie!” Christen beamed right back at her, opening her arms to catch Peyton as she came barreling into her for a hug.

 

Reese barked a couple times, clearly excited that Christen was home, too, as she bent down and let the dog kiss all over her face.

 

“Guess what!” Peyton exclaimed as she and Christen both embraced the dog together.

 

“What?” Christen wondered back just as enthusiastically.

 

“My friend Landon is coming over tonight!” The kid explained, smiling up at Christen again when they separated from each other. “His dad is bringing him right now!”

 

Christen and Tobin had been texting about it earlier so she knew that Tobin had met Landon and his mom and dad after school today and they’d agreed on a playdate tonight, but she let Peyton tell her again like she was just learning it for the first time anyway.

 

“That’s exciting!” Christen laughed again and she stood up. “I can’t wait to meet him.”

 

Peyton smiled and took off running towards the living room as Reese chased after her again, both of them jumping up onto the couch and bouncing like they had so much energy they just couldn’t contain themselves.

 

Tobin just raised her eyebrows at Christen when they turned to face each other, looking awfully entertained by Peyton’s demeanor as she stepped towards her girlfriend for a kiss. “Hi, babe.”

 

“Hey, you.” Christen returned before she pressed her lips against Tobin’s quickly.

 

They pulled back from their kiss before Tobin pulled Christen in for a soft hug, holding on for a long moment before she spoke again.

 

“She’s been like this for an hour.” She chuckled in Christen’s ear, referring to how Peyton had just jumped off the couch and was now sprinting up and down the hallway by her bedroom.

 

“She seems to be just a bit excited.” Christen laughed too as they separated from each other.

 

“Yeah, they should be here any minute,” Tobin mentioned as she looked over at the clock on the stove. “Landon’s dad said he’d drop him off around 6.”

 

“Nice.” Christen hummed as she turned to look at Tobin again.

 

“How was work today?” Tobin wondered.

 

“It was fine. This morning was super busy but it mellowed out after lunch.” Christen responded. “How did it go with Stephanie today?”

 

“Actually pretty well.” Tobin nodded. “I’ve got some stuff I wanna talk to you about from it, but we can do that later when the kids aren’t around.”

 

“Alright.” Christen agreed, “Is everything okay, though?”

 

“Yeah,” Tobin reassured her, stepping into her for another kiss. “It’s nothing bad at all, just stuff about PJ really.”

 

Christen cupped Tobin’s chin and kissed her back a couple more times, feeling thankful that Tobin wanted to open up to her with anything important at all. “We can talk whenever you’re ready.” She murmured. “I’m gonna go change my clothes quick before they get here, though.”

 

“K.” Tobin nodded again, letting go of Christen so she could head to the bedroom and get out of her work clothes.

 

Christen threw on a pair of shorts and a Nike tank top of Tobin’s before she heard the doorbell ring just as she was putting her hair up into a loose bun in the bathroom. She took another minute to pin a couple flyaways down with a bobby pin before shutting off the light in the bathroom and making her way out of the room again.

 

She could hear the chatter coming from the entryway as she made it back to the kitchen, coming around the corner and into view where Tobin and Peyton were standing with their guests.

 

Peyton noticed her as soon as she appeared, introducing her to her friend quickly.

 

“Christen!” She waved her over with an excited look on her face. “This is my friend Landon!”

 

“Hey, Landon, I’m Christen!” Christen waved at the blonde boy with curly hair, walking over to where he and Peyton were standing and bending down to say hi. “It’s very nice to meet you.” she grinned.

 

“Hello!” Landon smiled back politely, his face getting a little red from the attention being directed at him.

 

“Chris, this is Landon’s dad, Brian.” Tobin introduced her as Christen stood up and turned to look at both adults. “Brian, this is my girlfriend, Christen.”

 

“Hey, Christen, nice to meet you.” Brian offered his hand to Christen before she reached out and shook it.

 

“Nice to meet you, too.” Christen returned. “We’ve heard a lot about Landon from Peyton, it’s really great to finally meet you guys.”

 

“Yeah, same here.” Brian laughed, “Seems like this playdate is way overdue. Landon has been asking for a couple weeks now when he gets to hang out with Peyton after school.”

 

Tobin chuckled. “Yeah, Peyton has been, too.”

 

Landon had turned to look up at Tobin with a curious gaze, which she noticed as soon as she let her eyes drift from Brian again. “What’s up, dude?” she questioned, recognizing that he had something to ask.

 

“Did you say she was your girlfriend?” He cocked his head in question.

 

“Yeah,” Tobin answered him with an easy smile. “Christen is my girlfriend."

 

“Oh.” He nodded as he looked over at his dad and then back to Tobin. “How come you have a girlfriend if you're a girl?”

 

Brian’s face turned red as he opened his mouth to correct his son, getting beaten to the punch by Tobin as she leaned down with a chuckle. “I guess because I like her a lot.” She shrugged kindly right in front of the boy.

 

“Landon,” His dad spoke up too. “Remember we’re not supposed to ask people that, buddy?” He reminded his son. “It’s just like Uncle Mike. Some girls have girlfriends, just like some boys have boyfriends. It’s the same thing.”

 

Landon’s face lit up like he understood as he looked at Tobin again. “My uncle Mike has a boyfriend!” He grinned. “His name is Uncle Jamal. Uncle Jamal is my favorite!”

 

“That’s awesome, dude.” Tobin laughed again.

 

“So if you like a girl then she’s your girlfriend?” Landon wondered, looking between Tobin and Christen.

 

“When the girl likes you back, then usually that happens.” Tobin explained with another nod of her head.

 

“Does she like you back?” Landon questioned, pointing to Christen.

 

“I hope so.” Tobin chuckled as she stood up and looked over at her girlfriend who was smiling widely at how entertaining this whole scene was.

 

“I definitely do.” Christen answered him kindly.

 

Landon went quiet as he nodded and thought on it for a moment before he looked over at his dad again, who was overwhelmingly embarrassed now by this son’s questions.

 

“So does this mean Peyton is my girlfriend then?” The boy wondered seriously.

 

Brian and Christen both laughed together at that as Tobin shook her head. “No, I don’t think so.” She answered him.

 

“You two are a little young yet, Landon.” Brian stepped in too, walking towards his son before he crouched down. “You guys are just friends, okay? Boys and girls can be friends with each other, too.”

 

“Maybe one day she’ll be my girlfriend then.” The boy suggested.

 

Christen looked over at Tobin who wasn’t smiling as much as she had been before, but still had a gentle look on her face.

 

“Maybe.” Landon’s dad nodded. “Don’t worry about that for now though, okay? Eight-year-olds don’t have boyfriends and girlfriends, just friends.”

 

“Okay.” Landon shrugged like he couldn’t care less.

 

Peyton then turned to Landon with a smile. “Wanna see my room?” she wondered. “We can bring Reese in there.”

 

“Yeah!” Landon nodded as both kids turned around without another word, running out of the entryway as Peyton led Landon towards her bedroom to play, calling Reese along behind them.

 

“Sorry about all that.” Brian apologized. “We’re still working on all that relationship stuff with the boys.”

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Tobin shook her head. “Peyton is just as curious as Landon is.”

 

“Kids sure are interesting.” He grinned knowingly.

 

Tobin and Christen both nodded like they completely agreed.

 

“Alright, well thanks for having him over.” Brian smiled as he took a step towards the door. “Call if you guys need anything.”

 

“Yeah, I’ll bring him home around 8:30, if that’s cool?” Tobin mentioned.

 

“That works for us.” Brian nodded. “Nice to see you again Tobin, and nice meet you, Christen.” He waved.

 

And with that, Landon’s dad was pulling the front door open and walking out to his truck in the driveway, giving them another friendly wave before he drove off.

 

Tobin let the front door close before she turned around and looked at Christen again, both of them laughing together as they shook their heads.

 

“We’re gonna have our hands full with these two, I can tell already.” Christen hummed.

 

“Yeah, I guess so!” Tobin sighed. “I’m not gonna lie, I had to restrain myself a little he when asked if Peyton was his girlfriend.” She whispered quietly.

 

“Yeah, that was funny...” Christen smiled, looking at Tobin’s face for a reaction.

 

“Funny isn’t really the word I’d use, but sure.” Tobin rolled her eyes playfully.

 

“It’ll be okay, honey.” Christen stepped into her for a hug, ending her teasing before Tobin got too bent out of shape. “He seems like a very nice boy.”

 

“He better be.” Tobin let out a breath, mostly joking now. “I’ve got my eye on him.”

 

Now it was Christen’s turn to roll her eyes as she turned around and grabbed Tobin’s hand, pulling her towards the kitchen so they could start dinner together before the kids got too hungry.

 

Once again being that perfect distraction that Tobin needed at just the right time.

 


	28. These Broken Hands of Mine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, God knows my feet are aching  
> And I've got mountains ahead to climb  
> One way at a time I'll try to lend these broken hands of mine  
> Give me strength, be my light
> 
>  
> 
> .

Tobin softly pushed the door to her bedroom shut and turned around to pad across the room towards her bed, watching as Christen peeled her Nike tank top up and over her head from where she was sitting against the pillows that were pushed against the headboard.

 

Christen dropped the shirt next to her on the floor and then pulled Tobin’s down comforter up a little higher to completely cover her midsection, smiling as Tobin crawled onto the bed with a tired but happy look on her face.

 

“Getting naked in my bed and you expect us to have a conversation right now?” Tobin whined with a teasing smile as she crawled another foot towards her girlfriend, letting her eyes linger on Christen’s now-bare chest for just a moment.

 

“You’re the one who wanted to talk.” Christen smiled right back, lifting her face slightly as Tobin leaned in and pecked her lips softly. “I’m just getting comfy.”

 

Tobin laughed lightly and moved her lips down to Christen’s shoulder, giving her skin a quick kiss before she dropped her backside onto the bed and got situated against the headboard too.

 

Tobin let out a sigh after a moment and then turned her head to look at Christen again.

 

“So, tonight went okay… ” She commented as she moved under the covers, sitting close enough to Christen now that their legs were completely touching.

 

“I think it went really well.” Christen nodded and let her hand find Tobin’s thigh, giving her a soft and encouraging squeeze before relaxing again. “It’s cool to watch Peyton hang out with her friends. Landon is nice and Peyton seemed like she had so much fun having him over.”

 

Tobin and Peyton had driven Landon home an hour ago after the kids’ playdate this evening, dropping him off just after 8:30 like they had promised. The kids giggled in the backseat the whole three mile drive, hugging each other happily when Tobin’s truck pulled into his driveway, before Landon hopped out and ran towards his mom who was smiling with a wave from the open front door.

 

Peyton hadn’t even protested at all when Tobin told her it was bedtime when they got home, almost like she wanted to go to sleep and dream about her new friend anyway.

 

Christen and Tobin tucked her in with Reese curling up at the kid’s feet, before they got ready for bed too, both of them tired enough to not want to do anything but talk in bed after an all-around long day.

 

“Yeah, PJ did seem like she had fun.” Tobin grinned as her hand found Christen’s under the blanket. “It makes me happy when she’s happy.”

 

“Me too.” Christen agreed as she sunk a little lower on the mattress so that she could drop her head to Tobin’s shoulder.

 

“Even if it was a boy who she’s got a _crush_ on that made her happy…” Tobin mused with a sarcastically annoyed voice.

 

“Ew, boys.” Christen scrunched up her face jokingly, too.

 

They sat there in silence for a long moment as Tobin played with the ring on Christen’s finger under the covers before she finally spoke up again.

 

“Do you think I’d be a good parent for her?” She asked in practically a whisper.

 

“I already _know_ you’re an amazing parent for her.” Christen responded surely, lifting her head as she did to look up at Tobin. “Baby, you already are.” She repeated more emphatically once they made eye contact.

 

Tobin nodded softly and let her eyes focus on her lap, like she was trying to believe her.

 

“I talked about Peyton a lot with Stephanie today.” She murmured again after a moment.

 

Christen pulled their linked hands out from underneath the blanket and brought them to her lips, kissing the back of Tobin’s hand softly.

 

“Wanna tell me about it?” She wondered with her lips still grazing Tobin’s knuckles.

 

“Yeah, I do.” Tobin nodded as they held eye contact.

 

She waited until Christen dropped their hands back to her lap and then leaned in slowly and kissed her girlfriend a few times in a row. Letting the familiar feeling of Christen’s lips comfort her until she had enough courage to articulate what she wanted to say.

 

“I, um…” Tobin started again when she pulled back, but paused and bit her lower lip quickly. Her eyes found the bed in front of them again before she continued. “I’ve been thinking about me and PJ a lot lately. Like our relationship with each other, or whatever… and I think maybe I’m gonna ask her if she’d like me to adopt her.”

 

Christen didn’t respond because there was still a crease in between Tobin’s eyebrows, so she knew her girlfriend wasn’t finished.

 

“Because… I think I want to adopt her.” She finally murmured before she looked up and met Christen’s eyes again.

 

Christen couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face at Tobin’s admission as she squeezed Tobin’s leg with her other hand.

 

“That’s so great, honey.” She encouraged seriously. “Even that you’re letting yourself think that way. I know it has been a big step for you to take.”

 

“Yeah.” Tobin shrugged a little. “It’s just.. I can’t believe it’s going to be five years on Thursday that Jessie has been gone.” She trailed off and cleared her throat a little, trying to keep her emotions in check as Christen scooted a little closer, trying to be comforting.

 

“But I think maybe I’ve finally reached the point where I’ve made peace with the fact that she isn’t coming back.” Tobin started again. “Which is probably why I’ve been thinking more about what to do for Peyton.”

 

“What have you been thinking about with it all?” Christen wondered.

 

“Well..” Tobin swished her head back and forth in slow motion, trying to find the right words.

 

“Just.. when the accident happened and probably for, like, the whole first year or more after Jessie died, I really think I was convinced she’d walk through the door again at any moment. Whenever my phone would ring, I’d jump up and run to get it, thinking it was Jessie calling. Or if a text would come through, my heart would just pound, hoping it was her, and then every time when it obviously wasn’t her, I’d just get sad all over again. I was a complete mess and I didn’t even let myself entertain any ideas of actually, like, raising Peyton because I thought Jessie was going to be back for her daughter. I was literally just making sure Peyton survived as well as I could so that Jessie would get her daughter back in perfect condition. That’s how I looked at it.”

 

Tobin frowned a little and then bit her lip again, looking up at Christen with wider eyes like she was just now realizing how bad it was. “God, I was so fucked up. That’s fucked up, right? Who thinks like that?”

 

“Babe…” Christen shook her head and ran her hand up Tobin’s leg a little more. “It’s not fucked up, don’t think that. There is no proper way to deal with losing someone. You just had to cope however you could.”

 

“Yeah, I guess.” Tobin murmured. “And then after that… after I finally made myself believe that she had died, I think I was just so against the idea of adopting Peyton because I didn’t want people to think I’d moved on. I didn’t want people to think I was happy to be taking over as a parent because Jessie was gone. So whenever someone asked me about adopting Peyton, I would just shut it down without a second thought. But now… you’re here and you’re making me realize that it’s okay. Every time we’ve talked about it, you’ve given me more confidence to act like a parent. And Peyton... the way she talks about us being a family... God, I love that so much and I feel it too. So I’ve just slowly been letting myself think about it more and more, and every time I do, it makes me happy. She’s my whole world and I want people to know that.”

 

“That’s amazing, Tobin.” Christen encouraged her more. “What did Stephanie say? Did she have any advice?”

 

“She kind of just told me to talk to Peyton.” Tobin responded. “Which she is right about, because ultimately, it’s going to be Peyton’s decision. I’ll do whatever she wants me to do.”

 

Christen nodded like she agreed. “So you’re going to talk to her then? Like, soon?”

 

“Yeah, I think so.” Tobin nodded firmly, actually deciding that for sure in the moment. “Probably in a few days after Jessie’s anniversary is over with and we’ve dealt with all of the emotional stuff that will probably come up. I think I’m gonna sit her down and see how she feels. She’s definitely old enough now to decide, and I think I know what she is going to say, but I want it to be something we work through together.”

 

“I think that’s a great idea.” Christen grinned proudly. “And I’ll be here to talk through anything you want about it.”

 

Tobin let out a soft breath and let herself smile a little more. “I know you will be…” She murmured. “Which kind of makes me want to ask you something…”

 

She felt herself get slightly nervous for a half second before Christen nodded surely, telling her to for it.

 

“Peyton, this morning on the way to school... “ Tobin swallowed but then just went for it, “Well, she asked me if I was going to marry you…”

 

“Oh?” Christen eyebrows raised, maybe a little surprised by the turn in conversation.

 

“Don’t freak out.” Tobin rushed out, shaking her head a little bit. “I told her we didn’t know and that it’s still very early in our relationship to be thinking that way, so don’t worry, I didn’t say anything either way...”

 

“Honey.” Christen held eye contact until Tobin stopped rambling. “It’s okay.” She shook her head softly. “I’m not freaking out. I get it.”

 

“Okay.” Tobin couldn’t help but grin. “Yeah, I mean, I guess you know how she is… She loves you so much and she even said you’d be a great wife, so…” She laughed then.

 

“What?” Christen laughed easily too. “What did she say?”

 

“Nothing really, she just said you seem like you’re really good at being a wife.” Tobin blushed slightly as she repeated it, even though it was Peyton who had actually said it. “Which, I agreed with. You do seem like you’d be a great wife, if I were thinking that way about us….”

 

“...So you’re not thinking that way?” Christen wondered curiously with an unaccusing tone.

 

“I’m…” Tobin shrugged again. “Not, _not_.. thinking that way?… I just, I don’t know.”

 

“Okay.” Christen hummed, letting Tobin know she was okay with dropping it.

 

“Anyway,” Tobin took another breath. “I’m bringing all of this up because if I _were_ thinking that way, or when I do start thinking that way… well, obviously Peyton is a part of all of this.” She gestured back and forth between them with her hand. “And if I adopt her.. If that’s what we decide to do.. I’m just wondering how you would feel about it, ya know, if you and I do end up together, in like a legal way, down the road.”

 

Christen opened her mouth to respond but started to laugh again before she could get any words out.

 

“In a legal way…?” She repeated through a light chuckle, teasing Tobin for her choice of words. “If we get married, you mean?”

 

“Yeah, married.” Tobin bobbed her shoulders slightly, still feeling a little weird about saying that word when discussing their actual future.

 

“Well, I don’t know, I thought maybe you meant you wanted to adopt me too...” Christen swatted Tobin’s arm playfully. “..I was just making sure.”

 

“Stop, babe...” Tobin laughed too. “You know I meant married… I’m just trying not to freak you, or myself, out right now.”

 

“Alright.” Christen shrugged knowingly. “I already told you, that doesn’t freak me out. We’re almost thirty years old and we’re in love with each other, obviously I’ve thought about the concept of marrying you before.”

 

Tobin felt a surge of butterflies in her stomach at Christen’s words and looked down at her lap as she bit her lip again, unsure of the best way to respond to that.

 

Luckily Christen didn’t give her much time to.

 

“But I get what you’re wondering.” She continued. “You’re asking if I would want Peyton as my daughter someday, too, if we do get married?”

 

“Yes.” Tobin nodded as she looked back up to meet Christen’s eyes. “Exactly.”

 

“Of course I would.” Christen couldn’t help but smile even more. “Peyton is always going to be in my life now. I just know it. If you and I do _legally_ end up together, I am going to love being her step-mom, too. And if something really bad happens and you and I don’t work out, and you want to  _legally_ remove me from your life, which, I believe the word you’d be looking for there is divorce, even then, I’m still going to want to be a part of Peyton’s life.”

 

“Christen…” Tobin started to scold her seriously. “Don’t say that word. I would never divorce you.”

 

Christen just laughed again. “Well, I’d hope not. I wouldn’t marry you if I thought you would... all I’m saying is that even if you did, I’d still love Peyton.”

 

Tobin rolled her eyes. “That’s comforting.”

 

Christen chuckled and then leaned in and kissed Tobin’s cheek before she got stressed out about the mere hypothetical thought of marrying and then later divorcing Christen.

 

“Tobin, I support whatever you want to do. This is a decision that you and Peyton need to make together and I am one hundred percent on board with whatever you two decide. I love you both more than anything and nothing about this situation is going to change that.”

 

“...I know, but thank you for saying it again.” Tobin murmured. “I love you too and obviously I have no plans of us breaking up, but I just, I need us to keep talking about things like this. It helps me feel like I’m doing a good job at being your girlfriend.”

 

“Of course, I totally get it.” Christen nodded again. “Trust me, you’re doing a perfect job. And if you weren’t, I promise you’d know about it.” She winked.

 

“Yeah, I have zero doubts about that.” Tobin scoffed teasingly.

 

They both looked at each other with smiles on their faces, shaking their heads at each other, until Christen yawned.

 

“You tired?” Tobin wondered then softly.

 

“A little.” Christen admitted, even though it wasn’t all that late.

 

“Okay… Do you wanna have sex before we sleep?” Tobin cocked an eyebrow playfully, looking down at Christen’s bare chest again. “I mean.. since you’re already naked.. we might as well, right?”

 

Christen started to laugh and it was now her turn to roll her eyes.

 

“Is this how married life would be with you?” She wondered with a big smile. “No more foreplay, just practical orgasms so we can fall asleep?”

 

“I _am_ all about being practical.” Tobin laughed in defense. “I’d be more than happy to take my time but if you’re sleepy…”

 

Christen grinned back at her and pulled herself down the mattress a little until she was lying flat with her head on the pillows before she flung the covers back and open her legs a little more.

 

“Alright.. get on over here, if you want to.” She happily agreed.

 

Tobin laughed a little harder as she sat up from the headboard and pulled her shirt over her head, crawling over on top of Christen without giving any more thought to anything else but her girlfriend.

 

xx

 

Tobin didn’t sleep much on Wednesday night, knowing what was looming on Thursday.

 

All week she had been silently hoping to herself that she wouldn’t be that affected by it; hoping that one of these years she’d be used the anniversary of her best friend's death enough that she wouldn’t feel sick to her stomach over the simple thing of a date on the calendar.

 

But once again, this year wasn’t the year.

 

She tossed and turned in bed next to Christen from about midnight until 5 am, and then finally gave in and got up, deciding that she could, at least, try to let Christen sleep in peace.

 

Christen’s eyes were open, though, as Tobin quietly slipped out of her room and then shut the door behind herself again, but she figured she’d let Tobin have some time to herself since it was still so early.

 

Just after six, when Christen couldn’t fall back asleep either, knowing that Tobin was awake and probably upset, she got up to find her girlfriend, making her way out into the dimly lit kitchen as a yawn escaped her lips.

 

The coffee maker was on and dripping a steady stream of black liquid into the almost-full coffee pot, but Tobin wasn’t in the kitchen waiting on it to finish brewing.

 

Instead, Christen could see Tobin out on the back deck from her view through the partially closed shades of the dining room window, with the sun just barely coming up on the horizon.

 

Tobin was leaning with her forearms on the railing of the deck, looking out towards the ocean in front of her, with her journal placed next to where she stood; a pen holding a half blank page open from when she had obviously been writing in it earlier.

 

Christen watched her from the patio door for a long moment as the coffee finished brewing before she poured a cup of the hot liquid for them to share and grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and made her way outside.

 

Christen wasn’t sure whether Tobin had heard her open the patio door or not, since she hadn’t made any movements to turn around and see who was joining her on the deck, but the way Tobin glanced over at the coffee mug being placed on the railing next to her let Christen know she wasn’t surprised by the company.

 

Neither of them said anything until Christen draped the blanket around her own shoulders and then slid up to Tobin, wrapping her arms around her waist and hugging her closely from behind.

 

“Morning.” Christen whispered into Tobin’s ear, placing a kiss to the base of her neck as she said it.

 

Tobin’s hands found Christen’s at her waist as she responded. “Morning.”

 

Christen buried her face in the back of Tobin’s shoulder and hugged her a little tighter, just wanting her girlfriend to know she was present. They didn’t say anything for a couple minutes as they looked out at the ocean in front of them, letting the cool breeze of the morning and the faint birds chirping be the only sounds they could hear.

 

“You’re awake early.” Tobin finally murmured as she released her hold on Christen’s hands, needing to adjust her positioning slightly.

 

“Yeah.” Christen hummed and stepped to the right of Tobin so that she could lean on the railing too. “I saw you get up and I couldn’t fall back asleep so I wanted to come check on you.”

 

Tobin frowned a little. “Sorry I woke you.”

 

“That’s okay.” Christen whispered with a soft shake of her head. “I’m glad I’m up with you. This is where I want to be today. Right by your side.”

 

Tobin half smiled, given the circumstances of why Christen was being so supportive today, and leaned in to kiss her cheek sweetly. “Thank you.”

 

Christen gave her arm a gentle squeeze in return.

 

“Are you doing okay?” She wondered as she waited on Tobin to make eye contact again.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Tobin shrugged, only half believably, before she looked to the left at her journal laying there.

 

She reached out for the leather covered notebook and picked it up like she wanted to show it to Christen.

 

“A few years ago,” She started as she set it down on the railing in between them and opened to the page she had been writing in. “Peyton and I came up with an idea to write a list of good things we have in our lives on days like today.”

 

She slowly flipped through the journal and let Christen see the numerous pages filled with Tobin’s unique handwriting as she talked.

 

“I think it was the second anniversary of Jessie’s passing… we were feeling, like, cripplingly sad that day; or at least I was…  and Peyton wanted to know how to make it better, so she suggested that we try to think of all the good things we have in our lives. So we went to the bookstore and I bought us each a journal to write in, and that afternoon, we both made a list. It helped to make us smile a little and ever since then, that’s kind of been a thing we do when we need to focus on happy things instead of sad things.”

 

Christen nodded, listening intently because this was the first time Tobin was telling her about this process, but she wasn’t surprised. She had already seen Peyton do it when she wanted Christen to make Tobin happy again after their big fight in California.

 

“So I’ve just been working on my list since I got up.” Tobin finished in another murmur.

 

Tobin stopped again on the page she had been writing in this morning and looked down at it, silently inviting Christen to read what she had wrote.

 

Christen held her eyes on Tobin’s face until Tobin looked up at met her gaze and then nodded like she was giving Christen permission to read it.

 

Christen gave Tobin her own half-smile and then glanced down at the page again.

 

**_May 17, 2018._ **

**_5th year without you. How is that even possible?_ **

 

**_GOOD THINGS I HAVE_ **

**_\- Peyton and Christen_ **

**-** **_Reese_ **

**-** **_Surfing. I can’t stop winning. Oh, and NIKE money :)_ **

 

Christen laughed at the third one, knowing Tobin was probably writing this list with the mindset of it being for Jessie, and gassing herself up in it because of that. Like she was rightfully bragging to her best friend about all the success she’s had recently.

 

**-** **_PJ is almost done with third grade. She’s so smart and kind. You’d be really proud._**

**-** **_Being in love with Christen feels really nice. She means everything to me._**

**-** **_Kelley, Mana, Alex and Servando. They’re all still up to the same old trouble._**

**-** **_Mom and Dad. Katie, Jeff and Perry. I should call them more. I miss them._ **

**-**

**-**

 

The last couple bullet points that Tobin had scribbled down were still blank, like she was still working on the list. Christen smiled as she lifted her eyes again to meet her girlfriend’s.

 

“That’s a good list.” She encouraged as she stepped into Tobin for another hug.

 

“It’s a start.” Tobin nodded, wrapping her arms around Christen’s shoulders and pulling her in close. “We’ll see how many I can think of today.”

 

Christen buried her face in Tobin’s neck and then mumbled against her soft skin there after a moment. “Being in love with you does feel really nice.”

 

“Yeah.” Tobin whispered as she kissed her head.

 

They embraced for another moment until Christen pulled back and reached for the cup of coffee sitting on the railing, bringing it to her lips to take a slow sip of the still-steaming liquid. She then passed the mug to Tobin who took a sip of her own.

 

“So I was thinking we could make a big breakfast when Peyton gets up and eat before we go to the cemetery?...” Tobin paused and then finished her thought. “..Knowing how it usually goes, I probably won’t have much of an appetite afterwards.”

 

“Whatever you and Peyton want to do.” Christen nodded. “I’m only here to support you two today.”

 

Christen had taken the day off from work and Peyton was missing school today so that they could all be together to celebrate Jessie’s life. It was the first time that Tobin had asked Christen to go to the cemetery with them and she wouldn’t have missed it for anything.

 

“Chris..” Tobin shook her head. “You’re not _only_ here because we need your support. You’re here because you’re a part of our little family now. Yeah, we need you here, but we also _want_ you here.”

 

“Good, because I want to be here.” Christen smiled softly again at Tobin’s reassuring words. “But baby, let me take care of you today, please? I just want you to focus on yourself and your emotions, whatever those may be, and I’ll be here to handle everything else.”

 

“Okay.” Tobin nodded her head as if she was agreeing as she let out a slow breath. “Yeah.. I’ll try.”

 

Tobin stepped into Christen for another hug then, pulling her body a little closer with her hands on her girlfriend’s hips.

 

“Will you come shower with me before Peyton gets up?” She whispered in Christen’s ear.

 

Christen pulled back enough from their hug to look into Tobin’s eyes with a slightly surprised look on her face.

 

“...Are you sure you’re in the mood to have sex this morning?” She wondered with her eyebrows knit together. “That seems a little…”

 

Tobin shook her head slowly to cut her off.

 

“I didn’t mean so we could have sex.” She responded. “I just don’t wanna be away from you right now. Can I just hold you under the water for a bit before we start the day? I don’t want to think about anything but you for as long as I can.”

 

“Yeah, okay.” Christen nodded easily and then smiled. “I need to wash my hair anyway, so you can do that for me.”

 

Christen released her grip on Tobin and then reached down to grab her hand, turning towards the door to lead them back inside.

 

They took their time in the shower together until the water ran cold and forced them to give in and get out again.

 

Peyton was awake in the living room by the time Tobin and Christen were done getting dressed.

 

Tobin found her scrolling through her favorite Netflix cartoons once she emerged from her bedroom, leaving Christen behind so she could finish drying her hair and getting ready for the day, needing about double the time that Tobin needed.

 

“Morning, bud.” Tobin murmured as she walked into the living room, pulling the child’s attention away from the episode of Lilo and Stitch that she was currently about to press play on.

 

“Hello.” Peyton mumbled back, offering Tobin a small smile.

 

Tobin then glanced over at Reese who was standing at his food bowl in the corner of the kitchen, eating what appeared to be fresh dog food.

 

“Did you feed Reese, PJ?” Tobin wondered in a quiet surprise.

 

He always ate every last pebble of dog food as soon as it was in his bowl so Tobin knew it wasn’t left over from dinner last night.

 

“Uh huh.” Peyton nodded, barely tearing her eyes away from the TV as she did.

 

“How much did you give him?” She questioned, unsure if Peyton even knew what she was doing.

 

“One full cup.” Peyton hummed again. “Christen showed me how and we did it together a lot of times before.”

 

“Oh..”

 

“And we went outside in the front yard when we woke up so that Reese could go potty and he peed for a really long time. I think he really had to go.” Peyton continued as she rolled over onto her side on the couch, looking at Tobin fully now.

 

“Wow...” Tobin grinned at Peyton, more than a little shocked at how mature of a thing that was for Peyton to do. “Thank you, Peyton Jo. That was really helpful.”

 

“Welcome.” Peyton murmured as they held eye contact while Tobin walked towards the couch.

 

Peyton scooted over a little then, making room next to where she was laying. “Wanna watch Stitch with me?” She wondered casually.

 

Tobin took the invitation with a quick nod, plopping down next to the kid on the couch and then pulling her into her chest so they could cuddle for a bit before breakfast.

 

They laid there in silence for a few minutes with Peyton’s small arms wrapped around Tobin’s stomach until Peyton lifted her head again to look up at Tobin.

 

“Wait, I don’t have school today, right, Toby?” The kid wondered, momentarily forgetting what day it was.

 

“Nah, you don’t have to go to school today.” Tobin shook her head as she ran a hand across Peyton’s back.

 

“But is it Thursday today?” Peyton asked then as she laid her head back down on Tobin’s chest.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin responded.

 

It was quiet for a couple seconds before Tobin spoke up again.

 

“Do you remember what today is, PJ?” She asked quietly.

 

Peyton remained quiet for a long moment and then lifted her head again. “It’s Mommy’s day today.” She answered. “When she went away to Heaven.”

 

It was the first time all morning that Tobin felt some tears rise to the surface, swallowing quickly to push them back down before she said anything else.

 

“Yeah, that’s right.” Tobin whispered after a brief pause. “We’re gonna go visit her this morning.”

 

Peyton frowned a little, seeing the sadness of Tobin’s face and starting to feel sad herself, but her attention was pulled away from her emotions again quickly as Christen walked into the room from down the hall by Tobin’s bedroom.

 

The child’s face lit up instantly at the sight of her. “Christen is awake.” She whispered to Tobin like she was letting her in on a secret.

 

Obviously, Tobin already knew that she was up, but the thought of Christen made them both happy anyway. She was, once again, the perfect distraction at the perfect time.

 

“Christen!” Peyton waved at her as the older woman crossed through the kitchen towards them.

 

Tobin craned her head practically upside down from where she was lying on the couch to get a look at her girlfriend too as she made her way into the living room, the green-eyed woman giving them both a big smile as she hit the carpet.

 

“Morning!” Christen waved back to Peyton, not breaking her stride until she came to standstill next to them on the couch. “Look at you two cuties.” She smiled then and met Tobin’s eyes.

 

“Wanna cuddle with us?” Peyton asked as she scooted over a little more towards the back of the couch so that Christen could have room to lay down too.

 

Christen grinned again and waited as Tobin opened her arm that wasn’t wrapped around Peyton out wide like she was also inviting Christen to lie down with them.

 

“You bet I do.” Christen nodded as she carefully crawled onto the couch too, kneeling in between Tobin’s legs before settling most of her weight on top of Tobin so that she wouldn’t fall off the side and onto the floor.

 

They all smiled as she maneuvered herself down until she was lying comfortably right along with them.

 

Peyton’s arm that had been wrapped around Tobin’s stomach then came up and landed on the middle of Christen’s back, the child unable to hug Christen completely but giving it her best shot anyway.

 

They laid like that for a bit as Tobin kissed Christen’s forehead and Peyton focused back on the episode of Lilo and Stitch that was now halfway over, and before they knew it, all three of them were asleep again. Napping together on the couch like they were in no hurry to go anywhere today.

 

When the end credits for the episode scrolled across the screen, the loud music that accompanied them caused them all to stir again, with Tobin yawning a little as she tried to adjust under her two favorite girls.

 

“How about we make breakfast?” She suggested after another minute, once she knew Peyton and Christen were awake again too.

 

All of them feeling a little more refreshed from their short cat-nap.

 

Peyton looked up at Tobin with a particularly thoughtful face at her suggestion. “Can we have that French toast that has mangoes stuffed inside? Remember when you said that was Mommy’s favorite breakfast?”

 

“That does sound really good.” Tobin murmured as she ran a catalog of what groceries they had on hand in her mind. “But I know we don’t have any mangoes, and I’m not sure we have enough bread for French Toast either…”

 

“I’ll run to the store quick.” Christen offered quickly with an easy smile. “Cause I definitely want to try the mango stuffed French toast. That sounds amazing.”

 

“Yes!” Peyton cheered softly, pumping her fist slightly.

 

Christen pushed herself up from the couch without giving Tobin the opportunity to tell her not to worry about it, walking towards the kitchen to grab and pad of paper and a pen.

 

She was determined to go all out for them today. No matter what.  

 

“Honey..” She called from her spot at the island, waiting until Tobin rolled over and looked at her again. “Help me make a list of what we need so I don’t forget anything at the store...”

 

xx

 

They finally made it to the cemetery just before lunchtime.

 

Tobin’s truck came to a stop on the small, paved, one-lane, road inside of the fenced off area, before she pushed the shifter up into park and turned the ignition off.

 

The ride there had been quiet between the three of them, with only Christen and Peyton exchanging a few short words in conversation as they drove across town. It wasn’t lost on Christen that Tobin hadn’t said a single word since they climbed into the truck before they left her house, but she wasn’t going to comment on it.

 

Peyton unbuckled her seatbelt first and gave Reese a pat on the head before she slid towards Christen’s door like she was ready to get out.

 

“Want me to show you Mommy?” She asked as she tapped Christen on the right shoulder over the seat.

 

“..Um.. yeah. Of course.” Christen nodded after the slightest pause, deciding just to follow Peyton’s lead and let Tobin go at her own pace with this.

 

Peyton was clearly used to this and she knew that Tobin always moved a bit slower here than she normally did.

 

Christen pushed her door open and moved to get out before she stopped and turned back to Tobin, reaching out to grab her arm for a second, silently asking if she was okay. She waited until Tobin’s eyes met her own, watching her girlfriend nod slightly, before she slid off the seat down onto the pavement and opened the back door for Peyton to crawl out too.

 

The kid then grabbed the drawing she had made for Jessie at school last week from where it was lying on the seat before Christen pushed the doors shut again so that Reese wouldn’t jump out and follow them.

 

Peyton latched onto Christen’s hand and started to lead her towards the gravesite then, slowly weaving through the various headstones that were in their path as they walked quietly.

 

“She’s right over here.” She huffed as she guided them along a few more yards before coming to a standstill in front of a decently sized marble headstone.

 

Christen let her eyes scan across the name and date on the grave, committing it to memory for the first time and feeling a pit starting to grow in her stomach from it.

 

**_Jessica Ann Brooks_ **

**_February 13th, 1989 - May 17th, 2013_ **

 

“Hi, Mommy!” Peyton waved, once again going about her greeting like she was used to this and it wasn’t weird for her.

 

She let go of Christen’s hand so that she could bend down and pick up a small rock that was sitting in front of Jessie’s headstone. The rock was engraved with Peyton’s name and had the kid’s hand prints pressed into it, clearly made when the child was much smaller. Peyton then placed her drawing underneath it and set the rock back down so that the wind wouldn’t blow the piece of paper away.

 

“Mommy, Christen is here.” The kid said as she sat down in front of the headstone. “Remember me and Toby told you all about her? She came with us to visit you today.”

 

Christen heard the faint sound of a car door slamming in the background, guessing that Tobin had finally gotten out of her truck to join them, but she didn’t turn around to confirm it.

 

Peyton got situated on the well-manicured grass in front of the grave and then looked up at Christen with one eye closed, squinting from the bright sun overhead.

 

“You can say hi.” Peyton suggested gently like she was trying to explain to Christen how this usually went. “We just talk to my Mommy when we come here. Toby says she likes to listen to whatever we have to say.”

 

Christen nodded a little and cleared her throat as she crouched down on the grass next to Peyton.

 

“Hi, Jessie… I’m Christen.” She murmured softly, admittedly feeling a little silly about it but wanting to do it anyway, for Peyton’s sake.

 

The wind picked up slightly at exactly the same time, making the paper drawing flutter a little against the headstone. It made Peyton smile.

 

“That’s her saying hi back.” She pointed out to Christen, referring to the wind.

 

Christen let herself smile then, too. “Does that happen a lot?”

 

“Yeah.” Peyton answered her surely. “I bet she’s happy you’re here with us.”

 

Christen reached out for Peyton’s hand again, giving it a loving squeeze as soon as they were clasped together. Choosing not to overthink any of this and just let it happen, like Peyton was doing.

 

Tobin finally came up to the gravesite after a minute and gently draped a fresh flower lei over the corner of the headstone. It was made of bright purple orchids, still smelling fragrant from when Tobin had picked it up at the florist the night before. It was a tradition that Tobin had started when Jessie’s headstone was installed a month after her burial and she’d been bringing her best friend a new one each year since.

 

She then sat down on the opposite side of Peyton from Christen, still without saying anything.

 

Christen glanced up and noticed that Tobin had tears in her eyes, but she didn’t want to break the silence that was surrounding them in order to ask Tobin if she was okay.

 

She had enough sense to assume she wasn’t.

 

“Toby never talks much while we’re here.” Peyton turned to Christen with a matter-of-fact statement, sitting up on her knees a little before she crawled over a foot onto Christen’s lap. “I usually just do it for us and Toby listens.”

 

Christen adjusted enough so she was sitting cross-legged and then wrapped her arms around Peyton’s torso, holding the child on her lap easily.

 

“Mommy, guess what?” Peyton started to talk to Jessie then. “Our school play is next week and my friend Landon has the same part as me. We practiced at school for two days this week. I remembered all my lines after only like five times. Mrs. Lee said I did really good.”

 

Christen saw Tobin wipe a tear from her cheek out of the corner of her eye at the same time as another wind gust kicked up around them.

 

“And I only have three more weeks of school left and then it’s summer again.” Peyton murmured out loud again after a beat, still talking to her mom. “Then I get to go to Ocean Girls camp again pretty soon. Toby just signed me up yesterday and she said it’s in June, which is the next month after May.”

 

Peyton turned her head around and looked at Christen as she fell silent, smiling softly when they locked eyes.

 

Christen just gave her a tighter hug then, but she didn’t speak.

 

“I think I’m gonna ask Lana if she can come to Ocean Girls camp, too.” The kid continued before she looked over at Tobin. “Toby, can you call Lana’s Mommy and ask her if it’s okay? Lana said she really wants to come with.”

 

Tobin sniffled through a runny nose and responded with a thick voice. “Yeah, I’ll call her.”

 

“Mommy! Toby is gonna call Lana’s mom!” Peyton shouted again towards the headstone.

 

Christen didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the whole situation, but she had a sudden urge to do both. Loving how Peyton felt comfortable talking to the thin air like her mom was right in front of them and hating that she had to do it at all.

 

“We’re gonna go to the beach after we’re done visiting you.” Peyton continued to ramble. “We always like going there because we know it was your favorite place, and it’s our favorite place too. We play in the water and go surfing and build sandcastles. And then later, after we leave the beach, Auntie Kelley and Auntie Mana and Auntie Alex and Uncle Servando are gonna come over for dinner and we’re gonna make homemade pizza because Toby said you really liked making pizza. We’re doing it for you!”

 

Peyton stood up from Christen’s lap then and paused before she looked over at the older woman. “I hafta go tell Reese something.” She murmured quickly before she took off running towards the truck again.

 

Christen watched her go for a moment before she crawled over towards Tobin more and rubbed her back lovingly, once again letting her girlfriend know she was still there in support.

 

“She likes to talk to her.” Tobin cleared her throat then, her tears dried again as she offered a half smile to Christen when they finally made eye contact. “I know it seems a little crazy, but it’s something she’s always done. I sometimes learn things from it, too. The kid can talk a mile a minute if you let her.”

 

“I love it.” Christen whispered. “It’s good for her. I’m glad she feels comfortable doing it.”

 

Tobin nodded and then turned her head around to look at where Peyton had run off to, making sure she wasn’t going to let Reese out of the truck before she focused on Christen again.

 

“Sorry if this is weird for you.” She mumbled as she grabbed Christen’s hand. “I get it, if it is…”

 

“No.” Christen shook her head quickly. “It’s not weird. I’m glad you invited me.”

 

“I’m glad you came.” Tobin nodded. “You’re helping. Usually I would probably just be sobbing as we sit here, but I feel… a little better than normal. More at ease, I guess.”

 

“Good.” Christen hummed as she interlocked their fingers before they fell silent once more. A few moments later Peyton came running back towards them, ready to continue her talk with Jessie.

 

When they finally got ready to leave an hour later, Tobin stood up from the grass with Peyton hanging onto her shoulders, piggy-back style. She kissed her fingers and then tapped the headstone as she whispered a simple “See you later, J.”

 

“Bye, Mommy. I love you!” Peyton murmured then too as Tobin turned around and started to walk them towards the truck again. Both of them ready to head for the beach where they could try and be happier for the remainder of the afternoon, rather than sitting in the cemetery all day.

 

Christen stood up to follow them but paused and let them get a ways away before she turned back to look at Jessie’s grave again, feeling like she needed to say one more thing.

 

“I wish we could have met under different circumstances.” She whispered to the wind, praying that somehow Jessie could hear her. “There is so much I wish I could ask you, but... I just hope you know how much I love those two. They both mean the world to me and I’m going to try my hardest to take care of them for as long as they’ll let me.”

 

She reached down and ran her hand across the top of the headstone gently and took a deep breath before she turned around and walked away, feeling like she had said what she needed to. Catching up with Tobin and Peyton quickly before either of them knew she was lagging behind.

 

Tobin started her truck again once they had all climbed in before she reached her hand out for Christen’s and linked their fingers together, giving her girlfriend a loving smile. She then looked into the rear view mirror at Peyton and caught the child’s attention.

 

“Let’s go have some fun for your Mommy, huh? I know she’d want us to.”

 

“Yeah, for Mommy!” Peyton agreed with a lively cheer.

 

Christen gave Tobin’s hand another firm squeeze before Tobin let go again so that she could shift her truck into drive, pulling out of the cemetery with the most peaceful feeling she’d ever had when leaving this place.

 

Knowing it was all thanks to the one next to her.

 

xx

 

“Alright, on three I’m gonna light this and then you have to run around and wave it all over, okay?”

 

Kelley was crouched down in front of Peyton on the sand, holding a small lighter in her right hand while Peyton held an unlit sparkler with both of her hands.

 

Both of them were smiling mischievously at each other.

 

“Okay.” Peyton gave Kelley a firm nod like she understood her instructions.

 

“This is making me nervous.” Christen murmured quietly to Alex as they stood shoulder to shoulder a few feet away watching them.

 

“Me too.” Alex laughed in agreement.

 

“It’s totally fine.” Kelley shushed them with a wave of her hand. “Just don’t touch the fire part, okay, P?”

 

“I won’t!” Peyton echoed. “I’m gonna do it just like Mana!”

 

They all looked to their left where Mana was currently frolicking down the sand with a lit sparkler in her hand, jumping and twisting as she went like some sort of rhythmic dancer as Reese chased after her playfully.

 

The bright sparks from Mana's sparkler were lighting up the mostly dark sky in the distance, just as the sun was fading into the horizon and making the clouds above them a shade of deep purple.

 

Christen laughed at Mana’s movements and then turned her head to the right, where Tobin was currently walking up the sand from the water towards the group, having just left Servando standing at the edge of the water, dripping wet next to his surfboard now that it was too dark to catch any more waves tonight.

 

Peyton seemed to notice Tobin coming at the same time.

 

“Toby!” She shouted as she turned her head around. “Look what I’m gonna do!” She held up the sparkler a little higher until Tobin smiled.

 

“Sweet, dude.” Tobin gave her a thumbs up. She then glanced up at Christen and smiled a little more. “Babe, why do you look so concerned?”

 

“Just a child with fire, is all…” Christen grinned like she was mostly okay with it.

 

Tobin and Alex both laughed then.

 

“Don’t worry, dear. She’s done much scarier stuff before.” Tobin tried to ease her girlfriend’s fear.

 

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.” Christen pointed out.

 

Tobin came to a standstill next to Christen so that she could look at Peyton from the front too, giving the child another thumbs up.

 

“Keep the lit end away from your body, k, bud?” Tobin instructed to her again,  if only for Christen’s sake.

 

“I will!” Peyton nodded adamantly as Kelley started her countdown.

 

“Three, two, one!” She flicked the lighter a couple times until the flame was showing, holding it to the end of the sparkler until it suddenly started to hiss with fire.

 

“Wooooo!” Kelley shouted as she took a step back, loving every moment of this whole scene.

 

Peyton started to giggle loudly, entranced by the sparks as they shot off the end of the long, skinny stick in her hands.

 

“Move it around.” Kelley said then, waving her arm like she was showing Peyton how. “Spell out a J for Jessie.”

 

Peyton started to wave her arm wildly, getting a little too close to Kelley’s cotton t-shirt for only a second.

 

_“Watch it!”_

_“Careful!”_

_“Kelley, get out of the way!”_

 

Tobin, Christen and Alex all yelled out at once, telling them to back away from each other.

 

“It’s fine!” Kelley turned to quiet them again before she looked back at Peyton. “Let’s leave these losers and go chase Mana so they stop bossing us around.”  

 

Peyton didn’t hesitate before she took off running with the sparkler in her right hand, heading towards Mana a ways down the sand, just like Kelley had suggested.

 

Kelley pulled her phone out of her pocket and then shouted after Peyton. ”Wait for me, Squirt!”

 

They all laughed at Kelley and Peyton’s antics as Tobin moved behind Christen and then pulled her in, wrapping both arms around her girlfriend’s shoulders and holding her from behind as they watched them run.

 

“See, all good.” Tobin whispered in Christen’s ear, hugging her tight to her body.

 

“All good.” Christen nodded as she reached up and grabbed Tobin’s hands at her chest.

 

They stood there next to Alex quietly for a minute before they heard Peyton shout from where she ended up about twenty yards down the beach.

 

“Toby! You gotta do one too so that we can spell Mommy’s name for the picture!”

 

“K, be right there!” Tobin hollered back.

 

“Keep it away from your body.” Christen warned teasingly as she raised her eyebrows sarcastically and let go of Tobin’s hands so that she could join them.

 

“Yes, honey…” Tobin started to laugh as she kissed Christen’s cheek and then took off in a jog down the sand where Kelley and Mana and Peyton were gathered.

 

Alex and Christen watched as Tobin got her sparkler lit too before she and Peyton and Mana started to spell Jessie’s name out over and over with the lit up ends, each of them doing a couple letters quickly, while Kelley took a bunch of pictures at the same time, trying to capture the fire in time.

 

Alex finally sighed after a minute and took a half step to the side until she could wrap her arm around Christen’s shoulder and pull her friend a little closer.

 

“They’re better this year...” Alex murmured thoughtfully in reflection. “...Tobin is better this year. She used to never let herself have any fun on this day, but you’re giving her the ability to let go and move on. That’s what you do for her. For both of them.”

 

Christen turned her head to make eye contact with Alex and gave her a surprised smile. Her green eyes looking right into Alex’s blue ones for a second, finding the seriousness in them.  

 

”Thank you for saving her.” Alex whispered then as she gave Christen’s shoulder a grateful squeeze.

 

They both smiled and then looked away from each other again.

 

Christen wrapped her arm around Alex’s waist in return and shook her head softly.

 

Saying the only thing that felt worthy in this moment.

 

“I think we saved each other.”

 


	29. Moonbeam.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And you pulled me from a nightmare  
> With your eyes and your silver touch  
> Shone a little bit of light there  
> Now the darkness don’t scare me much
> 
>  
> 
> .

“Alright, dudes. Let’s do a shot, for old times sake.”

 

Kelley pulled her debit card out of her wallet and set it on the table in front of her, looking up at her friends with a mischievous smile on her face.

 

Tobin, Mana and Alex all looked between each other like they were deciding if they wanted to go along with Kelley’s plan.

 

They all knew better than anyone that Kelley’s plans usually didn’t end that well but tonight was a celebration, so they were in no place to argue.

 

“I will do one shot.” Alex shrugged first as she nodded in agreement. “I actually do have to work tomorrow, unlike some of you.” She settled her eyes on Tobin first at that statement.

 

Kelley quickly grinned a little wider, knowing that if Alex was on board, everyone else would be, too.

 

“Vodka?” She offered up as she turned around in her chair to look at the bottles stocked on the shelves behind the bartender, to see what their options were.

 

The four of them were seated at a high top table in the middle of one of their favorite local bars, Nawili Tavern, and even though it was a weeknight, they were determined not to let the quiet atmosphere deter their party mood.

 

“Ew, no vodka.” Mana shook her head in protest at Kelley’s first suggestion, letting flashbacks of a night gone wrong with vodka enter her mind.  

 

“Okay, no vodka… How about tequila?”

 

Alex vetoed that option just as fast. “Nope, I puked last time I drank tequila at Tobin’s house on my birthday.”

 

They all laughed together remembering how wild Alex was that night before Kelley turned back to the table, already running out of options.

 

“Fine, how about whiskey?”

 

Alex and Mana both groaned and shook their heads at the same time in a resounding no to that option, too.

 

Kelley looked up at Tobin across from her at their four person table, letting her make the decision for them, since she was the reason they were even here.

 

“Yeah. Let’s do whiskey.” Tobin nodded. “The good stuff though, none of the gross cheap shit that you always buy us.”

 

“You’ll drink what I get you, and you’ll like it.” Kelley sassed as she hopped off of her stool and sauntered over to the bartender to order their shots, narrowly avoiding the crumpled up straw wrapper that Tobin threw at her as she did.

 

A minute later, Kelley came walking back to their table balancing four shot glasses in her hands.

 

“Alright, I splurged!” She admitted as she set four shots of Crown Royal down on the table and slid one to each of her friends and then waited for them all to raise their glasses for a toast.

 

“To our favorite big wave legend and the best PJ caretaker around.” Kelley said with a smile. “Happy birthday, Tobs. We love ya lots.”

 

“Happy birthday, Tobin!” Mana echoed as she grabbed Tobin’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze, and then they all cheered and clinked their shot glasses together, tossing the brown liquor back and feeling the burn as they swallowed.

 

“Ick.” Alex coughed as soon as she set her glass back down on the table. “We’re way too old for this shit.”

 

“Oh my god, gross!” Kelley grimaced too after she swallowed.

 

“Oh, come on.” Tobin laughed as she slid her empty glass into the center of the table. “That was smooth, you guys are so weak.”

 

“Whew!” Mana slammed her glass on the table and then thrust her hands into the air. “We're still young!”

 

“Except for Tobin.” Alex teased. “29 is _so_ old.”

 

“Hey, I’m not 29 for...” Tobin looked her the time on her phone that was sitting on the table next to her drink, “...over three more hours.”

 

“Well then, let’s make these last hours count.” Kelley suggested as she stood up again. “Who wants to play pool?”

 

Mana and Alex climbed off their stools and grabbed their drinks as they followed Kelley towards the pool table at the back of the bar. Tobin watched them for a moment before she picked up her phone quickly and typed out a message to her girlfriend, feeling like she wanted to check in even though they’d only been gone for a of couple hours.

 

Christen and Peyton were at home together tonight while Tobin’s friends took her out for a pre-birthday celebration of dinner and drinks.

 

Since it was a Monday night, Christen insisted that they go without her, taking the free evening to catch up on a bunch of backlogged work emails that she hadn’t gotten to yet, after Peyton went to sleep.

 

In all honesty, Christen was glad that she had an excuse to skip out on the festivities tonight.

 

They’d be celebrating Tobin’s birthday tomorrow anyway, but mostly, she had been wanting to give the group of friend’s a chance to have a night alone with Tobin for a while now; knowing it’d be good for all of them to do something with just each other, like they used to do before Christen was around all the time.

 

Tobin didn’t seem overly thrilled about it, and all three of their friends protested too, but Christen wasn’t budging. Plus, she and Peyton had an evening full of cooking, and painting, and maybe even some birthday errands already planned together that didn’t involve anyone else.

 

Christen was settled at Tobin’s kitchen island, having tucked Peyton into bed a half hour ago, and was now typing away on her laptop when the text came through.

 

{Tobin <3 9:47PM}: **_Hey babe. PJ get to bed okay?_ **

 

She finished writing the email she was composing and then picked up her phone and read Tobin’s message with a smile, typing out a reply quickly.

 

{Hot Girlfriend 9:52PM}: **_Yep, she did. Right after we had a bedtime snack and read two chapters of her book. :)_ **

 

Tobin also smiled at Christen’s response, loving the thought of her two favorite girls having such a good night together before she typed out another message.

 

{Tobin <3 9:53PM}: **_She convinced you to let her have ice cream, didn’t she?_ **

 

She picked up her drink and took another swig when her phone vibrated again.

 

{Hot Girlfriend 9:54PM}: **_That is top secret!_ **

 

Tobin laughed as she stood up from her spot at the table then and made her way towards the pool table where her friends were racking up the first game, sending one last message to Christen.

 

{Tobin <3 9:54PM}: **_You two are so predictable ;)_ **

 

Christen responded with a kissy face emoji before Tobin pocketed her phone as she came to a standstill next to Mana, joining their game of pool for a round of doubles.

 

“So, Kelley... “ Mana hummed as they watched Alex line up the cue ball, getting ready to break. “I need your opinion on something... “

 

“Bout what?” Kelley wondered as Alex hit the white ball and dispersed the remaining balls all over the table to start the game, not making one into a pocket as she did.

 

“How would you feel about being set up on a date?” Mana smiled excitedly, trying her best to remain calm as she waited for Kelley’s answer.

 

Kelley had been single for over a year now and Mana had been making it her mission lately to find her a new girlfriend, in the most supportive way possible.

 

“Hmmm… depends.” Kelley shrugged without committing either way. “Why do you ask?”

 

“Because, there is a new girl at work who I have been keeping my eye on..” Mana explained as Tobin shot next, who drilled a striped ball into the corner pocket at the other end of the table. “She’s really cute and funny and…”

 

Alex looked over at them from the opposite side of the table, “Mana, you have a girlfriend, not cool!” She teased before she picked her drink back up.

 

“Not for me, for Kelley!” Mana rolled her eyes in response. “Which, by the way, Tobin’s girlfriend agrees with me that she’s really cute and funny.”

 

Tobin shot a second time and missed the middle pocket before she stood up straight again.

 

“Wait, what’s going on?” She wondered, suddenly more interested in the conversation now that Christen had been mentioned.

 

“Christen and I have been spending our lunch hour watching this new girl at work, her name is Emily, and we’ve been trying to figure out if she’s into girls, because we think she and Kelley would make the perfect pair.”

 

“Well, if you have to try and figure it out, it’s probably a no.” Kelley shook her head, knowing Mana was usually pretty good at reading people.

 

“Nope, it’s a yes.” Mana smiled again. “Christen talked to her the other day and found out she’s _definitely_ into girls…”

 

“Okay, hold on.” Tobin leaned her pool cue against the wall and walked around the table where Kelley and Mana were, coming to a standstill with her hands on her hips. “How did Chris find that out? Was that girl hitting on her?”

 

Alex came up next to Tobin and slung her arm around Tobin’s shoulder playfully. “That’s what happens when you fall in love with a hot woman, Tobs… They get hit on a lot...”

 

“No..” Mana shook her head and laughed, “Stop, Al. Don’t rile Tobin up for nothing. Christen just mentioned that she had a girlfriend in conversation and I guess Emily overheard her and came right over to high five Christen for being into girls, too.”

 

“Oh god, that’s totally something Kelley would do..” Tobin pointed out with a sarcastic eye roll.

 

“I know!” Mana nodded rapidly as they all chuckled. “That’s what I’m saying! They’d literally be perfect for each other. Everything she does reminds me so much of Kelley. She’s really energetic and super into fitness, too.”

 

“Wow, they do sound like a perfect match, just based on that.” Alex encouraged too, “And she’s cute? Go for it, Kel.”

 

“Plus, even if you don’t end up being into her romantically, you’d probably be really good friends.” Mana finished making her case.

 

“I mean, you can give her my number.” Kelley shrugged like they didn’t have to keep trying to convince her. “If she texts me, I’ll meet up with her. I don’t care.”

 

Kelley turned around to grab a pool stick then, knowing it was her turn to shoot.

 

They watched her walk around to the end of the table before Tobin took a step closer to Mana and elbowed her gently.

 

“So, Chris was talking about me at work, huh?” She smiled with a cocky grin. “Does she do that a lot? Did she say anything important?”

 

" _Oh, yeah_.” Mana nodded, trying to keep the sarcasm out of her tone long enough for Tobin to believe her. “She constantly tells everyone how _madly_ in love with you she is and that she just _can’t wait_ for marriage.”

 

Mana kept her face neutral as Tobin looked over at her.

 

“Really?” Tobin raised her eyebrows slightly, seriously wondering if that was true.

 

Alex snorted a breathy laugh through her nose as Mana shoved Tobin playfully. “No, you loser. Why would she go around saying that at work? She’s like the most professional person there.”

 

Tobin’s face went slightly red as they all started to laugh again.

 

“Geez, Tobs, you were way too excited by that.” Kelley pointed at her with a big smile. “Maybe you’re the one who can’t wait for marriage?”

 

Tobin didn’t respond as Kelley took her shot, making Alex notice her lack of denial.

 

“Tobs..” She waited until Kelley stood up straight from the pool table again before she called her out. “..Really?”

 

“What?” Tobin wondered as she turned her palm up in question. “I didn’t say anything.”

 

“You didn’t deny it.” Mana pointed out.

 

“Yeah, I don’t know.” Tobin smiled with a shrug. “Who cares, it’s not a big deal either way.”

 

“ _Ohhhh_.”

 

“Get it, Tobin!”

 

Mana and Kelley both laughed at the same time, doing their best to fluster Tobin some more as they made their way towards her.

 

“Yes!” Alex jumped up and down once. “Seriously, being married is awesome, you will love it.”

 

“Alright, calm down.” Tobin shoved Kelley as the shorter woman tried to jump on her. “We’re not even close to marriage or any of that, but yeah, I guess I can admit that Christen feels like she could be the one.”

 

“Dude, that’s so cute.” Kelley squealed, already turning to heads towards the bar again. “We need another round of shots to celebrate!”

 

Tobin couldn’t help but feel a rush run through her bloodstream then, unsure if it was from the alcohol or the thought of her future, but she didn’t hate the feeling; trying not to dwell on it as she picked up her pool stick again to take another turn while they waited on Kelley to come back with their second round of shots.

 

xxx

 

Two shots turned into four, in addition to a few mixed drinks in between, so by the time Tobin was climbing into her Uber outside of the bar a few minutes before midnight, she was downright good and drunk.

 

Not in the way that she was falling down or anything, but she did giggle happily the whole way home as she scrolled through her Instagram feed from the backseat of the car, giddy from the fun night they just had and the fact that she now got to go home to Christen.

 

She loved the way that felt.

 

The Uber driver dropped her off at the end of her driveway and Tobin slammed the back door closed with a wave, making her way up her walkway towards the front door as she fished out her keys.

 

She could tell there was still a light on in the kitchen which surprised her since it was close to 12 by now, and Christen was usually in bed before it got this late.

 

Tobin tried to be as quiet as she could as she unlocked the front door and stepped inside, kicking her shoes off in the entryway before she dropped her keys on the table there and walked further into the house.

 

Christen looked up from her laptop as soon as Tobin came around the corner into the kitchen, smiling at her girlfriend with tired eyes from where she sat at the kitchen island.

 

“Hey, baby.” Tobin murmured happily, confirming for herself that Christen was indeed still awake and hadn’t just left the light on before she went to bed. “You’re still up...”

 

Her eyes then quickly moved to the bundle of orange and purple balloons that were tied to the back of the stool next to Christen at the island, with a big _Happy Birthday_ one right in the center. “... with, balloons!” She laughed as she acknowledged them.

 

“I am awake, with balloons...” Christen nodded with a big grin, letting her eyes roam over Tobin to take in her current state. She paused for a moment and then spoke again. “I was getting sleepy but I thought I’d try and wait up for you so I could be the first one to say Happy Birthday.”

 

Her sleepy eyes had a glimmer of excitement in them as she said it, like it was worth the wait to see Tobin now. “Happy Birthday, my love.”

 

Tobin looked over at the clock on the oven with a dopey smile of her own, realizing it was indeed now her actual birthday. “Thanks, baby.”

 

She looked back at Christen then, her glassy eyes and her grin even wider, making Christen laugh.

 

“Look at you, honey. Did you have fun?”

 

Christen could tell Tobin that was drunk and she was finding it very entertaining already.

 

“Yeah, we had a really good time.” Tobin nodded as she came to a stop next to Christen’s chair. Christen turned to her left so she was facing Tobin, opening her arms as Tobin leaned down for a kiss.

 

“Missed you, though.” She hummed as she pulled back.

 

“We missed you too.” Christen murmured in return, puckering her lips a second time as Tobin pressed another kiss to them.

 

Tobin lost her balance slightly then as she tried to deepen the kiss, reaching out to grab the counter top with her left hand to steady herself so she wouldn’t completely fall into her girlfriend.

 

Christen leaned back a little more, just enough to look Tobin in the eyes as she felt her move, laughing softly. “You okay?”

 

“I’m great.” Tobin nodded with her eyes only half open, her face right in front of Christen’s. “I feel amazing... I got my hot girlfriend waiting up for me after the bar..? I don’t think I could get any better...”

 

Christen reached up and cupped Tobin’s chin softly. “Happy birthday, babe.” She whispered again.

 

“I love you.” Tobin whispered back as she pecked Christen’s lips once more and then moved down to kiss her chin, and then her jaw, and then lower still, feeling the vibrations in Christen’s neck from laughing as Tobin made a trail down her soft skin to the neckline of her t-shirt.

 

“I love you too.” Christen hummed after a moment as she wrapped her arms around Tobin’s shoulders.

 

Tobin slid her arms around Christen’s midsection as she was bent over, removing her lips just long enough to stand back up as she pulled Christen up with her, so they were eye to eye instead of Tobin being bent over at that awkward angle.

 

They stood there looking at each other, hugging with their bodies pressed together and their faces not even an inch apart before Tobin spoke again.

 

“Can I.. take you to bed?” She wondered with a slight slur and delayed blinks, trying to get herself together enough to appear more sober than she was.

 

She was turned on by their quick little kissing session and hoping Christen was in the mood to take it a lot further.

 

Christen just started to laugh again. “Honey, you’re pretty drunk...”

 

“I… am..” Tobin nodded slowly before she broke into a chuckle too. “And I want you so bad.”

 

Christen pulled her into a tight hug instead, letting her chin rest on Tobin’s right shoulder as they rocked back and forth ever so slightly.

 

“How about we save it for tomorrow?”

 

“How ‘bout both?” Tobin countered before she nibbled on Christen’s earlobe softly.

 

Christen bit her bottom lip as a wave of butterflies ran through her body from Tobin’s mouth on her, forcing herself to lean back so she could see her girlfriend’s face again; giving her a soft look. Saying no without using any words at all.

 

“I want that b-day sex.” Tobin whined before she paused as a thought clearly entered her mind, her expression changing to a look of excitement right in front of Christen’s eyes.

 

It was only a half second before Tobin broke into a soft singing voice. “ _Don't need candles and cake, just need your body to make… birthday sex… birthday sex._ ”

 

She thought she was being smooth and was dead serious about it, crooning the R&B song right to her girlfriend.

 

Christen tried to stifle another laugh but could only make it through the first line before she was shaking her head at Tobin’s goofiness and chuckling a little harder.

 

“Jeremih?” She locked her hands together at the base of Tobin’s neck, rubbing patterns on her skin with her thumbs. “Oh, babe...”

 

“That’s a good song.” Tobin beamed at her like she was stating the obvious.

 

“Yeah..” Christen nodded sarcastically. She then leaned in and pecked Tobin’s lips once more before sighing. “Birthday sex tomorrow, I promise. I might even have a present for you that will go well with some birthday sex.”

 

Tobin raised an eyebrow. “Oh, yeah?”  

 

“Maybe.” Christen shrugged, trying not to smile.

 

“Is it lingerie?” Tobin wondered again with a gleam in her eyes, pulling Christen’s hips at little closer to her body again. “Cause I kinda, really, liked that last time. Like, a lot…”

 

“...Maybe…” Christen tried not to give anything away. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

 

Tobin groaned slightly. “Fine...”

 

After a moment she smiled again and kissed the tip of Christen’s nose before she let her go. “I can’t wait to get you naked and have all that _birthday sex, birthday sex_ …” She sung again in a breathy tone, more teasingly this time, as she walked towards the other side of the kitchen.

 

“You’re such a dork.” Christen rolled her eyes lovingly as she sat back down at her laptop at the island.

 

“Are you still doing work?” Tobin asked as she bent over and opened the cupboard next to the oven and pulled out a medium sized pot and stood back up.

 

“Yeah, I’m just trying to clean up my old emails.” Christen nodded. “I can be done whenever though, if you’re ready for bed?”

 

“I wanna do one thing before we go to sleep.” Tobin mumbled before she turned to the sink and pushed the faucet handle up to let the water run.

 

“What’s that?” Christen asked without turning around to look.

 

“Make some mac and cheese.” Tobin spun the pot in her hand once, losing her grip for a moment and almost dropping it onto the kitchen floor before she recovered. “I’m so hungry.”

 

Christen gasped excitedly in agreement “Ohhh… that sounds amazing.” and then stood up too, looking at Tobin with complete seriousness. “There’s those pizza rolls in the freezer too…”

 

“Oh, my god. Yes.” Tobin started to laugh as she filled the pot halfway full and then set it on the stove to boil before she walked towards the refrigerator and pulled the freezer open.

 

Christen spun around and turned on the oven and then laughed again. “Is it bad if we eat all of Peyton’s snacks while she’s sleeping?”

 

“Nah.” Tobin shook her head and tossed the bag of pizza rolls to Christen. “And I’m drunk so we have an excuse!”

 

“Good point.” Christen grinned. “Not that we’re going to tell her that part, but what PJ doesn’t know won’t hurt her…”

 

Tobin giggled drunkenly again and hopped up on the island counter top as Christen opened the bag of pizza rolls and spread a bunch of them out over a baking sheet and popped them into the oven without waiting for it to preheat. She then moved over to where Tobin was sitting and came to a stop in between her legs, resting her hands on Tobin’s thighs and looking up at her happily.

 

“Did you and PJ have a good night together?” Tobin wondered as they looked at each other.

 

“We had a great night.” Christen answered. “We made dinner together and then ran a couple errands in town and then when we got home she made a new painting before we had a bedtime snack and read for a bit.”

 

“You guys were very busy.” Tobin raised her eyebrows matter-of-factly.

 

“Yeah.” Christen grinned again. “It’s probably best you weren’t here to distract us.”

 

Tobin laughed as she wrapped her fingers around Christen’s right hand and then brought it to her lips, kissing her knuckles softly. Being as gentle as possible as they stood there in silence for a long moment.

 

Finally, when Tobin was satisfied with the amount of kisses she had placed, she bit her lip and then spoke again.

 

“Babe, I wanna tell you a secret.” She whispered as she let go of Christen’s hand and brought both arms up to rest them on her shoulders lazily instead.

 

“A secret, huh?”

 

“Yeah.” Tobin nodded as she narrowed her eyes. “Can I tell it to you? Is that okay?”

 

“You can tell me anything.” Christen nodded in return.

 

Tobin leaned down enough to reach Christen’s lips and then kissed her sweetly for a quick moment before she sat back up higher. “Wanna know what I wished for on my birthday last year?”

 

Christen chuckled, squeezing Tobin’s thighs without actually responding, like she was wondering if it was a good idea to tell your wishes out loud.

 

“I can tell you because it came truth.. true.” Tobin faltered a little as she held up one finger to clarify.

 

“Okay, tell me.” Christen agreed patiently.

 

“I wished that life would get a little bit easier.. That I wouldn’t feel so..” Tobin swallowed “..stuck anymore and that I could just be happier.”

 

She blinked slowly with her drunken mind on a half second delay while trying to remember what she had wanted to tell her girlfriend.

 

“And it came true, because of you.” She ran her hand over Christen’s hair and then pulled her face in close so she could kiss her forehead.

 

Christen smiled at the feeling of Tobin’s lips on her skin, loving how overly affectionate she was being in her current state of mind.

 

“You came into my life at just the right time and helped fix things when I didn’t think they’d ever be better. I’m so glad that one wish finally came true.” Tobin leaned back again and smiled lovingly.

 

“Oh, honey...” Christen melted from how full her heart felt at Tobin’s admission. “I love when you say things like that. You’re so sweet to me.”

 

Tobin bit her bottom lip a second time as she pulled Christen a little closer in between her legs, “That’s cause you’re my babe, babe.” She winked as best she could, although it mostly ended up with her blinking both eyes.

 

Christen just hummed softly again as she brought her hands up to Tobin’s shoulders in return.

 

“For real though, if you told me last year on my birthday that I was just a few weeks away from meeting the girl of my dreams, I would have never believed you.” Tobin shrugged as she moved to wrap her arms around Christen’s midsection, rubbing soft circles over her back once she could reach it.

 

“I’m the girl of your dreams?” Christen asked with a raised eyebrow and an entertained grin.

 

“Oh, yeah.” Tobin nodded, smiling widely herself. “I mean, you’re so damn hot.. Look at you.”

 

Christen started to laugh. “Yeah, cause that’s super important.” She mused sarcastically with an eye roll.

 

Tobin breathed a laugh through her nose, too, “I mean, not to sound like a shitty person or anything, but that is important to me... Probably not in a deal breaker kind of way, but I love that my girlfriend is hot as hell. I’m so fucking attracted to you and it’s fun to just look at you and be like ‘Damn, my woman is sexy’ _,_ while knowing that I’m the only person who gets to be intimate with you and be able to do all the things I wanna do to you… I don’t know, I just love it. It’s a good feeling.”

 

“Yeah, I get that.” Christen agreed. “I feel that way about you, too.”

 

Tobin nodded, continuing with her original thought. “You’re so hot and you’re so kind and you make me feel loved and cared for, and you take care of Peyton, even when I don’t ask you to... Just everything about you is ideal for me.. So yeah, you’re the girl of my dreams. I feel really lucky that you’re with me.”

 

“Thanks, baby.” Christen grinned again as she stood up on her tiptoes in between Tobin’s legs and pecked her lips quickly before landing flat on her feet again. “I feel very lucky that you’re with me too. We make a pretty good pair, huh?”

 

“The best.” Tobin nodded positively.

 

She then looked behind Christen after a second, to the water on the stove that had just started to rapidly boil. She kissed Christen one more time and then slid down from the counter top before she stepped over to the stove to dump the noodles into the boiling water, looking back at Christen with another perfect smile.

 

“Plus, no matter what, there is nobody else I’d rather eat mac and cheese at 1 am with than you, babe.”

 

xxx

 

Tobin was glad that they ate a bunch of food before bed once she realized how much it helped to subdue her hangover the next morning.

 

She was woken up by a small fingertip gently tapping her forehead over and over again, opening her eyes to find Peyton’s smiling face positioned right in front of her own that was hanging halfway off the mattress.

 

The kid was holding a steaming cup of coffee with only her right hand, her wrist starting to wobble a little bit from the weight of it as she waited on Tobin to become conscious.

 

“Wake uhh-uuppppp.” Peyton sung out louder than necessary as Tobin’s eyes finally fluttered open just in time to watch a small amount of coffee spill over the side of the mug onto the floor next to the bed.

 

Tobin blinked a few times before she could lift her head, trying to orient herself before she made any sudden moves.

 

“Toby, time to wake up...” Peyton murmured again as she finally got the mug set down on the nightstand and then turned to face her again with an excited look on her face.

 

Tobin cleared her throat and then rasped out a slow “morning” after a moment, her voice still thick with sleep.

 

Peyton beamed at her as she crawled up onto the bed and over top of Tobin so she could stand up on the mattress next to her.

 

Tobin leaned up on her elbow and rubbed the sleep from her eyes before she spoke again.

 

“Hey, dude.” She looked up at Peyton standing over her. “Is that coffee for me?”

 

“Yeah!” Peyton nodded. “Christen and me made it for you!”

 

“Oh, thanks.” Tobin grinned a little, noticing she had a slight headache as she glanced to her left at the clock on the nightstand.

 

She was surprised to see that it was just after 7 now, since she usually woke up to her alarm at 6 in order to get Peyton ready for school. The kid appeared to be ready to go somehow, though, with her clothes changed out of her pajamas and her hair braided nicely.

 

“You gotta wake up cause your birthday breakfast is almost ready.” Peyton mentioned again before she started to jump up and down on the bed.

 

“Happy birthday!”

 

“Happy birthday!”

 

“Happy birthday!”

 

She chanted as she bounced, smiling down at Tobin next to her as she did.

 

“Alright, you little munchkin.” Tobin started to laugh, loving her wake up this morning but also needing the kid to stop bouncing for her headache's sake. She reached up and wrapped her arms around Peyton’s waist and pulled her down into herself, smiling at the child’s giggles as she collapsed onto Tobin’s chest.

 

Peyton looked at her with bright eyes as she quieted her laughter.

 

“Thank you.” Tobin finally murmured, grinning right at the kid.

 

“Welcome.” Peyton whispered back.

 

They laid there snuggled into each other for a moment before Tobin cleared her throat a second time.

 

“Did Christen get you ready for school?”

 

“Uh huh.” Peyton responded. “Look at my hair. She braided it after she woke me up. Do you like it?”

 

“Yeah, I love it.” Tobin nodded as she yawned slowly. “You look very pretty.”

 

“I have to look the most pretty today because I have my play tonight!” Peyton mentioned as if she was reminding Tobin. “Remember?”

 

“Yep, I remember.” Tobin smiled. “We can’t wait to watch you. You’re gonna do so good.”

 

Peyton nodded as she sat up again, wiggling out of Tobin’s hold on her. “Can you get up, please? Christen said breakfast is gonna be ready so I had to come get you.”

 

Tobin chuckled, watching as Peyton crawled towards the edge of the bed to climb down again.

 

“Why, what’s for breakfast?”

 

“It’s a birthday surprise!” She shouted over her shoulder as she ducked back out of the door, disappearing into the hallway towards the kitchen.

 

Tobin sat up fully and sighed, running a hand over her hair before she flung the covers back and scooted towards the edge of the bed to climb out, too.

 

She took a minute to use the bathroom and brush her teeth before she grabbed the mug of coffee off of the nightstand and finally made her way out of her bedroom towards the kitchen, coming around the corner from the hallway to find Christen standing at the island, using a spatula to drop two fluffy pancakes onto a plate.

 

Peyton was now seated at the island, taking a long drink of her orange juice with Reese staring up at her from the floor, hoping she was going to drop something for him.

 

There was a _Happy Birthday_ banner hanging over the window behind the sink, strung from cupboard to cupboard, along with the balloons that Tobin had already seen the night before.

 

“There she is...” Christen beamed at Tobin as soon as she looked up from the frying pan, setting it back on the stove top once the pancakes were plated. “Morning, birthday girl!”

 

Christen was dressed up in a black skirt and gray blouse with her hair curled perfectly. Looking way too put together for 7 am and making Tobin wonder how she hadn’t woken up when Christen was getting ready earlier.

 

One glance at her now made Tobin’s stomach flutter.

 

“Good morning.” Tobin smiled as she made her way towards her girlfriend.

 

She set her coffee mug down on the island and leaned in to kiss Christen’s lips softly.  

 

“God, you look amazing.” She whispered as she dropped her face into Christen’s neck.. “And you made breakfast? Babe, you didn’t have to do all this before work...” She hummed quietly.

 

“I know, but I wanted to.” Christen murmured as she wrapped her arms around Tobin’s waist. “Happy birthday.”

 

“Thank you.” She kissed Christen’s cheek again. “And thank you for getting her up and ready… You should have woken me up, I guess I must have slept right through my alarm.”

 

“No you didn’t.” Christen squeezed Tobin’s hip. “I shut it off when I got up. I wanted to let you sleep in as much as I could.”

 

Tobin pulled back enough to look into Christen’s eyes, smiling lovingly. Saying thank you again without using any more words. Christen winked like she knew what Tobin was thinking.

 

“Here.” She slid two Advil and a glass of water she had out already towards Tobin. “And then sit down because your pancakes are ready.”

 

There was a spread of fresh fruit cut up on the island in front of the stools. Blueberries and strawberries and pineapple cut into pieces next to a bowl of whipped cream and a jug of syrup, as sort of a build your own adventure breakfast.

 

“Look at all this…” Tobin grinned as she downed the medicine and then made her way around the island to take a seat next to Peyton.

 

The kid looked over at her with a mouth full of pineapple. “I helped Christen make this. We stirred the batter together and I put all the blueberries in this bowl after we washed them.”

 

“Wow, thank you so much.” Tobin rubbed her back softly. “This is already the best birthday ever.”

 

Peyton smiled excitedly as she took a big bite of a whipped cream covered pancake and then slid down from her stool. “Hold on, I have one more thing.” She mumbled with her mouth full as she took off running towards her bedroom before she had even swallowed.

 

She was back thirty seconds later, holding a wrapped present with Tobin’s name written on it in Peyton’s handwriting.

 

“Here, this is for you.” Peyton grinned excitedly again as she set the present on the counter top and climbed back onto her stool.

 

“PJ…” Tobin looked down at it and then back up to the kid. “What’s this?”

 

“It’s a present for your birthday.” She mumbled as she took another bite of food.

 

Christen was standing on the other side of the island still, looking at the two of them with a smile as she took her first bite of breakfast. Watching quietly as they had their moment.

 

“Hurry! Open it!” Peyton encouraged as she nudged the box a little closer to Tobin.

 

Tobin smiled as she reached for the wrapped box and picked it up, tearing into the paper gently as Peyton looked on, barely able to contain her smile.

 

Tobin got the white ‘Happy Birthday’ wrapping paper removed and popped the tape on the brown cardboard box so she could open the flaps to reveal what was inside, laughing as soon as she pulled the gift out.

 

She held up a white NASA t-shirt that perfectly matched the pajama top that Peyton wore all the time to bed.

 

“A NASA shirt?!” Tobin smiled at the kid as she lowered it again so she could look at Peyton. “No way, dude!! This is so cool!”

 

“Now we can be matching all the time!” Peyton beamed at her. “Remember how you said you loved my shirt? So we got you your own!”

 

“Awesome!” Tobin laughed again as she immediately pulled the shirt over her head to see how it fit. “Thank you so much, Peyton Jo. This was very thoughtful of you.”

 

“Welcome!” Peyton smiled again. “And there is another thing in the box, Toby!”

 

Tobin picked the box up off the counter and tipped it towards herself to look inside again, spotting a wooden picture frame inside that was lying face down. She pulled it out and smiled again as she looked at the front. 

 

The picture frame was painted different colors of purple, orange and blue, all of their favorite colors, with a picture of all three of them and Reese on display inside the glass. One they took at the beach after a random day in the sun where Peyton had built a big sandcastle. They were crouched down and posed in front of it.

 

Tobin brought the picture frame closer to her eyes to really look at it, smiling at the word ‘Family’ that Peyton had written a little unevenly in white paint on the top border of the frame, making it as neat as she could.

 

“Wow.” Tobin whispered as she lowered it again and let her eyes find Peyton’s who was looking back at her eagerly. “This is perfect. I love it.”

 

“You do?” Peyton questioned happily.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin nodded, feeling her throat get a little tight from how happy it made her. “I love it so much. Thank you.”

 

She set the picture frame down and reached out for Peyton, lifting her up off her stool and hugging her tightly as she buried her face in the kid’s shoulder. Peyton hugged her back after a moment, squeezing her arms around Tobin’s neck as tightly as she could.

 

“Happy birthday, Toby.” She mumbled again.

 

“Thank you.” Tobin whispered back as they broke apart, lifting Peyton back onto her own stool so she could finish breakfast.

 

Tobin peeled the shirt off and folded it again, setting it aside so she wouldn’t spill on it, before she loaded up her stack of pancakes with the syrup, adding a bunch of fruit next to them on her plate and then covering it all in whipped cream as they all started to eat.

 

When Peyton was done, she put her plate in the sink and then ran to brush her teeth so they could get ready to drive to school.

 

Tobin waited until Peyton was out of the room before she stood up and walked towards Christen again, looking at her almost disbelievingly.

 

“You’re incredible..” She hummed as she pulled Christen in for another hug. “You have already made my day so perfect.” She whispered in her ear.

 

“So far, these have all been PJ’s ideas.” Christen whispered back with a smile, her lips ghosting over Tobin’s ear.

 

“Well thank you for letting her do this for me.” Tobin bit her lip, feeling herself getting almost emotional over it. “No one has ever done anything like this for me before. Peyton has never been able to get me a gift before…”

 

Christen leaned back with a slightly surprised look on her face.

 

“I mean, at least not one that wasn’t with my own money.” Tobin clarified.

 

“Well I was more than happy to help.” Christen smiled sweetly. “She knew exactly what she wanted to get you, too.That kid can navigate Amazon’s website like nobody’s business.”

 

“Scary, right?” Tobin laughed knowingly.

 

“Yeah.. but seriously, we had a lot of fun with it.” Christen reassured her. “We want to make your day as special as we can. You deserve it after everything you do for us.”

 

She paused for a moment and then let her hand sneak under Tobin’s shirt, resting it on her abs before she leaned in closer. “And don’t worry, my gift will come later...”

 

“Ohhh.” Tobin couldn’t help but smile as her hands moved down to Christen’s hips. “Can I get a hint about it?”

 

“Hmmm.” Christen pondered her word choice for a moment. “Think.. lots of skin?”

 

Tobin raised her eyebrows, intrigued.

 

“A little bit of lace, but not too much…”

 

Tobin couldn’t help but clear her throat at Christen’s description.

 

“Oh, and hopefully some begging. On your part, of course.” Christen smiled as she gently ran a fingertip across Tobin’s stomach under her t-shirt.

 

“Fuck.” Tobin whispered as she moved her left hand around to Christen’s backside, palming her ass firmly.

 

“Does that seem like something you’d be interested in?” Christen asked with a playfully sly look on her face.

 

Tobin couldn’t do anything else but kiss Christen hard, which only lasted a couple seconds before Peyton came running down the hall with her backpack bouncing on her shoulders like she was ready to go.

 

Christen started to laugh as she felt Tobin reluctantly let her go.

 

“We’ll pick this up later.” Tobin murmured as she forced herself to step back.

 

Christen couldn’t tell who’s smile was bigger as Tobin and Peyton both put their shoes on for their drive to school, but it didn’t matter, as long as her two favorite people were happy.

 

xxx

 

“Alright, bud, do you want a burger or chicken strips?”

 

Tobin had her arm around Peyton’s shoulders as they were standing in line at Bubba’s Burgers that day after school, deciding what to order for a quick dinner before Peyton had to be at the middle school theater for her play rehearsal at 5:00.

 

Christen was working a little late and wouldn’t be able to make it to the school until just before the play started at 6:30, so they were getting dinner just the two of them.

 

“Ummm.” Peyton thought on it for a moment longer as they stepped up to the register. “I’ll have a cheeseburger” she decided.

 

Tobin looked down at her again and nodded before she looked at the teenage girl working. “We’re gonna do two cheeseburgers and an order of fries, please.”

 

“Wait, I want fries too...” Peyton nudged Tobin’s leg softly.

 

“Yeah I know, we’ll share the fries.” Tobin responded, knowing Peyton never even finished her whole burger anyway.

 

“And a milkshake.” Peyton ordered confidently before looking up at Tobin with hopefully look, like she was trying to get away with it.

 

“What kind of milkshake would you like?” The young worker wondered.

 

“Ummm… chocolate.” Peyton responded with a victorious smile. “Wait, strawberry… no, vanilla.”

 

Tobin sighed and then smiled as she looked from Peyton to the worker again, relenting. “Two vanilla milkshakes, please.”

 

She pulled some cash out of her wallet to pay while Peyton went to find a booth for them to sit in and a minute later, Tobin sat down across from her with their tray full of food, unwrapping Peyton's cheeseburger and then passing it to her.

 

“So, how was school today?” Tobin asked as she bit into her first bite of the burger, handing a napkin over to Peyton after she did, since the kid already had a big smear of ketchup on her left cheek. “Did you guys do anything fun?”

 

Peyton used the white napkin to wipe her face and then popped a fry into her mouth. “It was pretty fun, but Toby, guess what?”

 

“What?” Tobin wondered as she sucked down a gulp of her milkshake.

 

“We got our permission slips for the last field trip of the year today and guess where we’re going?”

 

“Hmmm... “ Tobin tried to think of a guess as she ate a fry of her own. “The history museum?”

 

“No!” Peyton shook her head with a smile. “Toby, we did that last year, remember?”

 

Tobin started to laugh. “Yeah, dude that’s why I guessed it. I thought maybe you were going again.”

 

“Nah uh.” Peyton took another bite of her burger. “We’re going to the dairy farm! There is goats and cows and a whole bunch of chickens and we get to feed them and watch them be milked!”

 

“What, no way.” Tobin responded just as excitedly. “When do you get to do that?”

 

“Mrs. Lee said it’s the second to last day of school.” Peyton said. “So how many days away is that?”

 

“Umm.” Tobin counted quickly, knowing Peyton’s last day was the following Thursday. “That’s 6 school days away. So pretty soon.”

 

“Yes.” Peyton cheered as she took a drink of her own shake. “Oh and Mrs. Lee said it’s twenty dollars.”

 

“Alright.” Tobin smiled as she took another bite. “I’ll send it with you tomorrow okay? Remind me. I know you won’t forget.”

 

She laughed to herself then thinking of the way Peyton remembered everything.

 

“Toby?” Peyton looked up at her after a moment with her eyebrows knit together like she had a question.

 

“What?”

 

“Is it allowed for you to sign my permission slips?”

 

“Of course it is.” Tobin nodded easily. “I’m the one who signs all of them, bud.”

 

“Oh yeah.” Peyton went a little quiet like she was thinking on it.

 

“Why do you ask?” Tobin wondered.

 

“Because Mrs. Lee said our mommy or daddy had to sign them when she was handing them out. But I said my Toby signed mine and Stephanie J. said that wasn’t allowed. But then I said yes it is cause I’m Toby’s kid, so then she said okay... But I think she still didn’t believe me, and then Mrs. Lee said we had to stop talking.”

 

Tobin tried to smile at Peyton’s explanation, feeling herself getting a little frustrated that Peyton was questioned by another kid about it. But instead of dwelling on it, she figured now would be as good of a time as any to bring her recent thoughts up to Peyton.

 

She set her cheeseburger down then and waited for Peyton to look up at her before she spoke again.

 

“Hey dude, I actually wanted to ask you a question about that....” She mentioned once they made eye contact.

 

“About what?” Peyton looked slightly confused as she took another bite.

 

Tobin took a deep breath. “You’re right, you are my kid. It makes me happy when you tell people that, because you are, okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m your kid and you’re my Toby.” Peyton nodded matter-of-factly.

 

“Yeah.” Tobin smiled gently at the way Peyton had always explained their relationship. “I’ve been thinking a lot about it, though and I wanted to ask you something…”

 

She stopped, realizing Peyton may not even understand the concept of what she was about to ask.

 

“Have you ever heard the word adoption? Or do you know what it means?”

 

“Ummmm.” Peyton looked up at the ceiling for a long moment before she answered. “I think I forgot what it means…” She finally responded.

 

That made Tobin chuckle as she tried to make her explanation as understandable as possible.

 

“Okay, so... sometimes parents get kids by adopting them… Adoption happens when kids who don’t have a mommy or a daddy get a new mommy or daddy so that they’ll have someone to take care of them as they grow up. Or sometimes, babies who need a better home, they’ll be adopted by a new mom or a new dad who can give them a better life than the one they would get without being adopted.”

 

Peyton shoveled another fry into her mouth without saying anything, but she was listening intently.

 

“Does that all make sense?” Tobin wondered, unsure if she had explained it well enough.

 

“Umm, I think so.” Peyton nodded and then paused, remembering where she had heard about it before.”Wait, Toby, is Kiran from my class adopted?”

 

“Yeah, that’s right, Kiran is adopted.” Tobin nodded as she recalled who Peyton was talking about. “I think he was born in China, and then his mom and dad adopted him and brought him here so they could take care of him.

 

“Oh yeah.” Peyton nodded as she dipped a fry into some ketchup and brought it towards herself, dropping some of it on the table in front of her before she could get it into her mouth.

 

Tobin reached across the table and wiped up the spill with a napkin before Peyton put her arm in it.

 

“So anyway, bud.” She tried to keep their conversation on track. “I’m asking about this because I’ve been thinking a lot about me and you and I wanted to ask you if maybe you wanted me to adopt you?”

 

Peyton looked up at Tobin with wide eyes then, like she never knew that was a possibility.

 

“We can do that?” She practically gasped.

 

Tobin smiled easily. “We could, yeah… You know how right now I take care of you? That’s because your mommy made me your guardian. She wanted me to raise you if anything bad ever happened to her. But I could also adopt you, if you wanted.”

 

“Then what happens?” Peyton asked, slightly perplexed.

 

“Well, nothing really. Not with us, anyway.” Tobin shrugged. “We already feel a family, you know? But if I adopted you, then I would just officially be your family. Like on documents for school and stuff, I would be listed as your parent.”

 

“You would be my parent?" The kid asked. "So then I would have a mommy again?”

 

Tobin felt her stomach get a little tight for a moment, like a wave of uneasiness was running through her at that question.

 

“Well… I guess technically, yeah.” She sighed. “But your mom will always be your mom, okay? I wouldn’t be taking that away from her. I’d just be helping her from here on out since she isn’t here to raise you anymore.”

 

“And then the kids at school couldn’t tease me anymore?” Peyton murmured like she was still asking a question but was excited about that prospect.

 

Tobin’s shoulders dropped defeatedly. “Hey, are they still doing that?”

 

“Only a little, sometimes,” Peyton shook her head honestly. “They aren’t really being mean to me but sometimes they still tell people. They told my friend Landon.”

 

“I’m sorry, P.” Tobin frowned. “I’ll talk to Mrs. Lee again, okay?”

 

“It’s okay.”  Peyton shrugged easily. “Because Landon said you were really cool so if you were my family that was _totally awesome_!”

 

Tobin smiled a little more at Peyton’s excitement. “Well I think it’s totally awesome that you’re my family, too.”

 

She reached across the table to grab Peyton’s hand.

 

“You’re the most special to me, PJ. I don’t ever want you to forget that, okay? I love that I get to be your family and I’d love to adopt you, if you want that. You can think it over as long as you need to and then when you decide, you can tell me, okay? You don’t have to rush. I’ll do whatever you want.”

 

Peyton nodded like she understood and then picked up her milkshake and took a big drink of it, now that it was more melted and easier to suck through the straw.

 

When she was done she set her cup down again and then looked back up at Tobin with a curious smile. “Could I still call you Toby when you adopt me?”

 

Tobin laughed as she reached across the table to ruffle Peyton’s hair. “Yeah, dude. I’d still be Toby.”

 

The kid grinned as she grabbed Tobin’s hand with both of hers and gave it a big shake.

 

“Okay!” She squeezed Tobin’s hand, nodding at the same time as though she was saying yes. “I can’t wait to tell Christen!”

  


xxx

  


Christen pulled into the middle school parking lot just after 6:15, rushing to shut her car off and hop out to head inside.

 

She knew Tobin was saving her a seat, but she still made sure to speed walk anyway so that she wouldn’t be late, her heels clicking against the concrete as she all but jogged the last few feet to the door.

 

She sent Tobin a text as she made her way through the cafeteria, following a few parents towards where she assumed the small theater was, where the play was being held.

 

{Hot Girlfriend 6:17PM}:  **_Just walked in_ **

 

Relief flashed through her when she got a response just as she came to a stop inside the doorway, letting her know exactly where to go, navigating her way through the few groups of people that were still filling in around her.  

 

{Tobin <3 6:17PM}: **_4th row on your right._ **

{Tobin <3 6:17PM}: **_Look up, Kelley’s waving_ **

 

Christen read the message and then did indeed glance up from her phone, smiling quickly as she spotted Kelley first, who was standing up near the front and waving both arms wildly, and then Tobin and then rest of their friends too.

 

She found her seat in between Kelley and Tobin just as the lights in the theater dimmed, signalling the show was about to start.

 

“Hi.” Christen whispered to her girlfriend as she leaned in and pecked her lips quickly.

 

“Hey, you’re just in time.” Tobin smiled when they pulled back.

 

Christen looked around Tobin's shoulder and said hi to Alex and Servando on the other side of her girlfriend as the first bit of music started to play, adjusting in her seat then as the curtain opened and the play began.

 

Christen smiled and laced her fingers with Tobin’s before they sat back to enjoy the show.

 

Peyton’s lines didn’t come until about fifteen minutes in, but she crushed them in true Peyton Jo fashion.

 

She and Landon were explorers who were hiking across the Hawaiian landscape to find a new home for their townspeople after Mt. Kilauea's volcanic eruption took away their old homes; playing their part in the story of Tūtū Pele -the creator of the Hawaiian Islands - along with all the other first through fifth graders.

 

Christen couldn’t help but smile to herself as Tobin mouthed all of Peyton’s lines along with her, knowing them by heart from all the practicing they’d done at home in the last few weeks.

 

Peyton made sure to wave to Tobin and Christen in the crowd as she walked off stage, too, making the other parents around them laugh as the kid broke character for a brief moment before she disappeared behind the curtain again.

 

After the whole production was over with, the kids all did a curtain call together with their teachers and then found their families in the auditorium as parents stood around and chatted with each other while they waited for their kids to get out of their costumes and come find them.

 

Tobin and Christen were standing in a half circle with Kelley, Alex and Servando when Peyton finally came from backstage, skipping the last few steps in excitement before she launched herself at Tobin for a big hug.

 

“Hey, buddy!” Tobin greeted just as excitedly as she crouched down to be level with her. “You did amazing. That was so fun to watch.”

 

“Thank you.” Peyton grinned with her face slightly red like she was proud but also still a little shy from being up on stage in front of all those people. She let go of Tobin and then moved to hug Alex and Kelley, too, before she got to Christen.

 

“Hey, my little Broadway star.” Christen hugged her tightly. “Great job, girly.”

 

“Christen! I got all my lines and I didn’t forget anything, did you see me?” She wondered with eager eyes looking right up at her.

 

“Of course I did.” Christen nodded. “We didn’t miss a thing. You did so well, cutie!”

 

Tobin took a step towards them and wrapped her arm around Christen’s waist and then let her other hand settle on Peyton’s shoulders as the kid stood in front of them.

 

“Were you nervous up there PJ?” She wondered as she gave Peyton a soft squeeze.

 

“Umm, a little bit.” Peyton craned her head upside down to look at Tobin. “But then I saw you guys and Auntie Kelley made a funny face and then I wasn’t scared anymore because she was being funny.”

 

They all started to laugh, looking over at Kelley with unsurprised expressions when they were interrupted by another congratulatory greeting coming from their left.

 

“Great job, Peyton Brooks.” Peyton’s teacher, Mrs. Lee, called out from a foot away as she approached the group.

 

Peyton’s head whipped around and she smiled widely. “Mrs. Lee, look at everyone who came to watch me!”

 

“I see that!” Her teacher grinned as she came to a stop in front of the group. “That’s wonderful!”

 

Her eyes settled on Tobin then. “Hi Tobin, how are you?”

 

“Hey, Mrs. Lee.” Tobin smiled as she reached out to shake the teachers hand. She then turned to their group to introduce everyone. “These are our friends, Kelley, Alex and Servando,” before she put her hand on Christen’s back again. “And my girlfriend, Christen.”

 

Mrs. Lee’s face lit up at that.

 

“The infamous Christen?” She smiled as she reached a hand out. “Well, it’s so nice to put a face to the name.”

 

“Hi…” Christen’s eyebrows raised a little, slightly caught off guard by the teacher’s reaction to her.

 

“I think you might be Miss Peyton’s favorite subject to talk about in class.” The older woman elaborated. “I’m Connie Lee, Peyton’s 3rd grade teacher.”

 

“It’s great to meet you.” Christen shook her head in return and then smiled as Peyton wrapped her arms around Christen’s waist again.

 

“Mrs. Lee, remember how I told you about Reese?” The kid piped up. “That’s Christen’s doggie but he’s basically my doggie too because he lives with us most of the time because they always sleep over.”

 

Everyone started to laugh again and Kelley and Alex gave each other a look, entertained by how red Tobin had instantly become from Peyton exposing her and Christen’s relationship so casually to her teacher. 

 

“Well, I’m glad you like having them around so much.” Mrs. Lee smiled easily as she looked to Tobin again, letting her off the hook without more questioning. “I just wanted to say hi. It was great seeing you, I’ll let you enjoy the rest of your night.”

 

The group waited for Peyton’s teacher to walk to the next group of parents before Alex and Kelley started to laugh out loud.

 

“God, I love you so much.” Kelley shook her head. “You’re the best, P.”

 

Peyton laughed along although she really didn’t get why everyone thought that was so funny before she gave her Aunties another hug and then ran to grab her stuff as Alex and Servando and Kelley all said goodbye.

 

“Well, we’re gonna take off.” Alex commented after Peyton had disappeared again. “You guys are welcome to come over to continue Tobin’s birthday celebration, if you want, but we should get home to the pups.”

 

Tobin was instantly glad that Peyton had run away before Alex mentioned it, knowing all she really wanted to do was go home with her girlfriend and Peyton. 

 

Tobin and Christen made eye contact and one look at the sparkle in Christen’s eye was enough for Tobin to know Christen's mind was made up, too.

 

“Nah, we’re gonna head home.” She shook her head and couldn’t help but smile, “Chris and I still have some celebrating of our own to do tonight.”

  



	30. I Like Me Better.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I like me better when I'm with you.
> 
>  
> 
> .

“How many pairs of shorts did you say you’re bringing?”

 

Tobin was standing in front of the rack of hanging clothes next to the dresser in her bedroom, biting her bottom lip in contemplation.

 

She had a mostly-full suitcase lying open on the floor next to her as she pondered what else she could fit in it.  

 

Christen was stretched out on the bed behind her, leaning against the pillows and flipping through a surfing magazine that she’d picked up from the nightstand, looking through the pictures as she waited on Tobin to finish packing.

 

The bedside lamp and the light in the bathroom were the only lights filling Tobin’s room and the rain was coming down heavy against the window above Tobin’s bed as a thunderstorm rolled through outside, and Christen was doing her best to not fall asleep with how soothing it all felt.

 

It wasn’t even that late, Peyton had only gone to bed a half hour ago, but Christen was all packed and she had her Out of Office set on her work email, so she was in full-on relaxation mode already.

 

They were flying to Los Angeles early in the morning - for Tobin’s upcoming surfing competition - but more importantly so that Christen could finally introduce Tobin and Peyton to her family.

 

The three of them would be staying with Christen’s Mom and Dad all week, since their house was conveniently only a short drive from Huntington Beach where the US Open of Surfing was annually held every July.

 

Tobin was going into the event with the coveted Yellow Jersey, having won her previous two competitions, but defending her title and setting herself up to win the Tour Championship this early in the calendar year wasn’t at all what was making her nervous about the trip.

 

Taking that next step with Christen, and meeting her family, that was what had been on Tobin’s mind almost constantly for the past few days.

 

Or course, it felt long overdue, and Christen and Peyton were just as nervous for the week as Tobin was, but it was also really exciting for all three of them.

 

It felt important.

 

They all couldn’t wait to get to California.

 

“I have four pairs of shorts packed, I think.” Christen finally responded once she had rethought through everything she had packed earlier. “Two pairs of jean shorts, a black pair, and a tan pair.”

 

“Alright well I’m just gonna bring a couple pairs then and we can just swap?” Tobin thought out loud again as she pulled her third dresser drawer open.

 

“Yeah, and we can definitely do laundry at my parents if we need to.” Christen hummed as she flipped to the next page.

 

Tobin grabbed two pairs of shorts that were on top of the stack and turned around to drop them onto the suitcase as she let out a small sigh. “I hate packing.”

 

She stuck her bottom lip out in a pout, making sure Christen saw her.

 

Christen lifted her eyes from the magazine in her hands and couldn’t help but smile at how cute her girlfriend looked. “Aww, you poor thing.” She teased.

 

“I knowwww.” Tobin jokingly whined again, dragging out her words.

 

“If you wouldn’t have waited until the last minute, you’d be done already and we could already be in bed.”

 

“I waited until the last minute because I was helping our little Short Stack with her packing.” Tobin pointed out, unable to keep herself from smiling at the thought of Peyton.

 

“At this rate, she probably could have handled it herself.” Christen joked.

 

That thought made Tobin laugh.

 

“Yeah… could you imagine what she would have packed if I left her unsupervised? When I got to her room earlier she had two things in her suitcase, her paint set and her wetsuit.”

 

Christen raised her eyebrows in surprise. “You’re bringing her whole painting set?”

 

“Of course not...” Tobin shook her head and gave Christen a look. “I told her only the essentials. The wetsuit stayed though. She wants to look like a real surfer when we go to the beach.”

 

“Yeah good call…” Christen smiled as she sat up more and scooted off the bed, deciding she’d help Tobin speed this up a bit. “I’ll text my mom in the morning and ask her to go pick up some painting supplies before we get there.”

 

“It’s fine, Chris. Don’t ask your mom to do that. Peyton isn’t going to have time to paint anyway.”

 

“You never know...” Christen shrugged. “I want her to have fun and be comfortable there. If she wants to paint while we chill by the pool or something, she’ll have the option.”

 

Tobin dropped a t-shirt she had picked up onto her suitcase and softened a little as Christen approached her. “Okay… thanks, babe.”

 

Christen nodded and looked down at the clothes that were practically overflowing out of Tobin’s suitcase. “Do you want me to fold this stuff for you?”

 

“No.” Tobin shook her head again. “This is part of the process, okay? I get everything out and then I repack it when I know what I want to bring.”

 

“So, you pack once super messily and then you repack nicely?” Christen repeated with a smile.

 

“Well it makes it sound stupid when you say it like that, but yeah.” Tobin shrugged as she reached a hand out for her girlfriend. “Just trust me, I’m a pro.”

 

Christen latched onto Tobin’s fingers with her own but she also dug her heels into the rug, not letting Tobin pull her closer just yet.

 

“Come here.” Tobin whined when Christen didn’t close the space between them.

 

“Nuh uh.” She grinned as she shook her head no. “Finish packing. I’m not going to distract you. I’ll get your bathroom stuff together.”

 

“Please come here, baby.” Tobin tried again, ignoring her girlfriend’s refusal and giving her an irresistible look instead.

 

Christen let out a soft sigh and slowly stepped into Tobin, unable to be strong against that stupid, perfect look Tobin always gave her.

 

They wrapped their arms around each other and swayed slightly back and forth as they hugged in silence for a moment.

 

“I love you.” Christen whispered into Tobin’s shoulder as she smiled again. “I’m seriously so excited for this trip. I just want it to be tomorrow already.”

 

“Me too.” Tobin grinned as she dropped her face to Christen’s neck and started to kiss her soft skin there. She backed Christen up a couple steps until the back of her knees were hitting the bed again. “Let’s have sex for a little bit…” She hummed. “We’re not gonna get to do it all week...”

 

“Why won’t we get to do it all week?” Christen wondered as she sat down on Tobin’s bed again and slid herself back up towards the pillows.

 

“Because we’re not doing it at your parents house.” Tobin shook her head as she reached for the magazine that was lying on her comforter and tossed it to the ground so they wouldn’t roll around on it. “That’s way too risky.”

 

Christen snorted a sarcastic laugh out. “Yeah, my dad would totally kill you if he knew we’ve had sex before.”

 

Tobin paused from crawling up the bed over top Christen and looked up at her with an actually surprised and somewhat scared look on her face, which only dissolved into a smile once Christen started to laugh.

 

“That’s not funny.” Tobin couldn’t help but grin a little wider. “Teasing me about your dad is not funny, Christen. You know that I’m nervous to meet him.”

 

“It’s a little funny.” Christen smiled cutely. “Teasing you is so much fun because you just look so dang cute when you’re nervous.”

 

Tobin rolled her eyes and reached to grab onto Christen’s legs, opening them a little so she could settle in between them.

 

“Oh, you think teasing is fun, huh?” She mused as she pulled Christen down the mattress just a little until her legs were laid over top of Tobin’s thighs and wrapping around her waist.

 

“I can tease you all night long... We’ll see how much fun you think it is when you don’t get what you want...”

 

Tobin paused once she leaned forward with her hands hitting the bed with their faces right in front of each others, both of them smiling stupidly at the same time, before she leaned down and started to kiss along Christen’s neck again, right at the sweet spot she knows Christen loves most.

 

“You.. haven’t finished packing…” Christen mumbled out halfheartedly, not really wanting Tobin to stop what she was currently doing to her.

 

“Screw packing.” Tobin whispered into Christen’s skin as she reached her collarbone. “I’ll just wear whatever you bring.”

 

She then sat back on her knees and reached for the hem of Christen’s shirt, lifting it over her girlfriend’s head as soon as Christen sat up enough to allow her to.

 

“See.” Tobin grinned a cocky smile as she tossed Christen’s shirt over her shoulder. “I take your clothes off of you, and now I have clothes to wear...”

 

Christen reached up to wrap her hand around the back of Tobin’s neck and pulled her back down onto herself without responding, suddenly out of smart-ass remarks as their lips met perfectly.

 

They made out like that for a minute as Christen’s hands slid under Tobin’s t-shirt in return, letting her fingertips roam over every inch of Tobin’s warm skin as they were deepening their kiss.

 

She was just about to lift the shirt up and over Tobin’s head too when one of their phones started to ring on the nightstand.

 

Tobin groaned and reluctantly pulled back as she sat up onto her knees again.

 

“Is that yours?” Christen asked through a deep breath.

 

“No, yours.” Tobin shook her head as she reached towards the nightstand to grab Christen’s black iPhone.

 

“Who is it?”

 

Tobin picked it up and looked at the screen. “It’s Julie.”

 

Christen’s face scrunched up a bit as she calculated the time difference in her head and quickly realized it was almost 1 am in San Francisco. “She usually doesn’t call this late.”

 

“Wanna call her back in the morning?” Tobin wondered as she looked down between their bodies as Christen laid underneath her in her bra with her legs still wrapped around Tobin’s waist.

 

“No, we’ve been playing phone tag for the last two days.” Christen smiled as she untangled herself from around Tobin and sat up. “Finish packing while I talk to her and then we can continue getting naked.”

 

She kissed the sigh off of Tobin’s lips and then slid the answer button on her phone as she sat up a little more against the headboard.

  
  
“Hi, best friend.” She hummed as she pressed the phone to her ear.

 

“Hey, best friend.” Julie repeated softly on the other end of the line.

 

Tobin smiled easily then and leaned in to kiss Christen’s lips once more, even though she could hear Julie’s voice quietly greeting Christen through the phone, before she fixed her shirt and slowly climbed off the bed again, making her way back to her suitcase to continue her packing.

 

“How are you? Is everything okay?” Christen questioned, trying not to sound concerned about how late it was for Julie.

 

“Yeah.” Julie responded. “I swear this pregnancy is giving me insomnia. Zach’s been asleep for an hour already so I thought I’d try calling you back. I figured you’d still be up since it’s earlier there.”

 

“Yeah, we’re still up.” Christen confirmed. “Tobin hasn’t even finished packing yet.”

 

Julie laughed at Christen’s tone that was clearly meant to be teasing. “She’s cutting it close. Doesn’t your flight leave super early in the morning?”

 

“Yeah, 6:15,” Christen nodded. “But I guess she’s got a system that I can’t disrupt by helping...”

 

Tobin turned to look at Christen and made a face at her at her girlfriend’s teasing as Christen’s eyes were locked on her, giving her another sarcastic eye roll.

 

Christen stuck her tongue out at Tobin in return and then smiled. “Babe, Julie says hi.”

 

“What up, Julie.” Tobin shouted back like she was skipping the middle woman and wanting Julie to hear her through the phone by herself. It must have worked from the way Christen started to laugh again.

 

“Other than that you’re all set though?” Julie mumbled through the line again.

 

“Yep. I went my house and got all packed after work and then dropped Reesey Boy off at Alex’s before I came here. We’re just calling an Uber in the morning so we don’t have to worry about parking at the airport for so long.”

 

“Nice.” Julie nodded. “How’s Peyton? Is she getting excited?”

 

“Oh my gosh, she’s so excited...” Christen couldn’t help but chuckle a little. “When I got here tonight she was getting her backpack ready with things to keep her busy on the plane; Tobin bought some snacks for her to bring with and she set them all out and then went to get her surfing stuff together, so Peyton ate like four packs of Gushers without Tobin knowing, so she was bouncing all over the place from the sugar. It took like a half hour to get her to calm down enough to get to bed.”

 

“I love that kid.” Julie chuckled again on her end. “That’s totally something I would have done when I was little.”

 

“I know.. it was pretty funny to watch Tobin pretend that Peyton was in trouble for like two minutes.

 

“Hey, that box of Gushers cost me like nine bucks!” Tobin mentioned loudly again.

 

“Yeah, we’ll have to buy some more once we get to the Mainland, they’ll be a lot cheaper at home.” Christen thought out loud.

 

“We might as well just bring a whole suitcase full of Gushers and Goldfish back with us since that’s where half of my income goes…” Tobin rolled her eyes, although she was smiling too.

 

“Ha, I love it.” Julie giggled. “I’m excited for you guys to get home, you’re gonna have a great time.”

 

“I think so too.” Christen nodded, watching as Tobin made her way towards the bathroom to gather her shower stuff.

 

Once her girlfriend was out of view behind the door, Christen rolled over onto her side to get more comfortable. “So what’s up with you? We’ve been missing each other’s calls all week…”

 

“I know, sorry. Work has been crazy. We went to the doctor yesterday for my twenty week checkup though. I’m officially halfway there!”

 

“Eeeek.” Christen squealed happily. “How’s that little baby doing?”

 

“Really good. Your Godchild is the size of a banana now.” Julie smiled at the comparison the doctor had told her yesterday. “I’m definitely starting to show quite a bit, especially when I’m naked. I forced Zach to admit that he could tell I was gaining weight and then pretended I was mad at him after he said I looked a little bigger.” Julie chuckled again.

 

“Oh, jeez. He should know better....” Christen laughed along too. “Let’s try and FaceTime this week sometime, I wanna see your cute belly and your cute face.”

 

“Yeah, we will for sure. It’ll be easier once were in the same time zone too.”

 

Christen went quiet for a moment as she rolled over onto her back again, listening as Julie cleared her throat softly.

 

“So, hey, I found something interesting out today...” Julie hummed a little more quietly like she was actually getting around to bringing up why she was calling. “I wasn’t sure if I should tell you about it or not but it keeps bothering me so I feel like I should…”

 

Christen stilled herself at Julie’s words, feeling her insides get a little nervous all the sudden. “What do you mean? Is everything okay?”

 

“Yeah.. it’s not about me...” Julie tried to ease Christen’s worry. “I don’t even know if it’s a big deal or not but I just couldn’t sleep without telling you about it.”

 

“Okay... you’re kinda freaking me out.” Christen didn’t have the energy to guess what Julie could be talking about, imploring her best friend to just spit it out.

 

She made eye contact with Tobin as she came out of the bathroom with a handful of stuff for her suitcase.

 

Tobin recognized the suddenly concerned look on Christen’s face easily, silently raising her eyebrows like she was asking what was up.

 

Christen just shrugged at Tobin as she waited for Julie to say it.

 

“So, Zach ran into Dominic today. He went to Happy Hour with a few of the guys and Dom was there...”

 

“Oh...” Christen relaxed immediately. “That’s okay... Zach can be friends with whoever he wants, Jules. He doesn’t have to keep the hate going just for me. I promise it’s fine. He can’t avoid him forever when they share all the same friends.”

 

“That’s not it.” Julie sighed again in response. “And trust me, it isn’t just for you. Well, I mean it’s because of you, but Zach really doesn’t like him…”

 

“I’m glad he’s part of the club...” Christen murmured.

 

Tobin dropped her toothbrush and face wash into her suitcase and then stood back up, getting a sense who Julie was talking about on the other end of the line as she took a couple steps towards her dresser, keeping herself occupied so Christen felt like she could talk freely.

 

“Yeah, I know. But that’s not all I wanted to tell you…” Julie continued.

 

“Can you just say it, please?”

 

Julie took a breath.

 

“So, I guess he told the guys he’s… engaged.”

 

Christen couldn’t help it that her stomach sank just a tiny bit as she processed Julie’s words.

 

She paused for a half second before she clarified what her best friend had just said.

 

“Dominic is, you mean?”

 

“Yeah, I guess so...” Julie responded.

 

“To who?” Christen wanted to know. “The same girl…?”

 

She didn’t need to finish that sentence for Julie to know who she was referring to.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I mean, I assumed that they kept seeing each other after we broke up but...” Christen trailed off briefly. “...I guess it was serious.”

 

Tobin threw a sweatshirt onto her suitcase then and couldn’t help but make her way towards the bed, sitting down on the edge of the mattress next to where Christen was lying. Being patient while trying to be supportive to whatever it was they were talking about.

 

“I’m sorry, Chris.” Julie practically whispered. “I just couldn’t let you find out from someone else.”

 

“It’s... fine…” Christen sighed and then paused for a long moment as she actually thought about her feelings on it.

 

She angled the phone away from her mouth as she looked up at met Tobin’s eyes, filling her in on what Julie had just said.

 

“Dominic is engaged.”

 

Tobin’s eyebrows raised again like she was clearly surprised to hear that but she didn’t react beyond that.

 

Christen was silent for another second as Tobin bit her bottom lip.

 

“You know what? Honestly, fuck him.” Christen breathed again, half talking to Julie and half talking to Tobin. “Ugh, my god. I’m seriously so glad that isn’t me.”

 

She couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up her throat out of spite.

 

Tobin lifted her hand to give Christen’s hip a soft squeeze before letting it rest on Christen’s stomach in a loving and somewhat protective way without interrupting their conversation.

 

“I am too.” Julie nodded surely on her end of the line. “You are so much better off without him. Tobin is like a million times better for you.”

 

“I’m not even kidding, I actually feel sorry for that girl.” Christen murmured. “I feel like I dodged a bullet…”

 

“Yeah.” Julie hummed quietly, unsure of what else to say.

 

Christen trailed off and then sighed again. “But hey, maybe he’ll treat her better than he did me.”

 

They both went quiet as Christen lifted her eyes to meet Tobin’s again, instantly finding the comfort and safety in them that she’s come to cherish so much. She reached her free hand down to grab Tobin’s hand that was on her stomach and locked their fingers together before she brought Tobin’s hand to her lips. Breathing in Tobin’s familiar scent and letting it calm her as she kissed her knuckles lightly.

 

Suddenly Tobin was the only thing Christen wanted to focus on.

 

“Is it okay if I let you go so Tobin and I can talk?” Christen questioned softy to Julie. “I can call you back tomorrow when we get to my parents house if you want?”

 

“Of course.” Julie understood the tone in her best friend’s voice. “Call me after you land if you get a chance, okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’ll call you.” Christen nodded. “I love you and miss you. And I’m sorry that you’re still having to deal with Dominic and his shit up there, but thank you for telling me...”

 

“Don’t even worry about it.” Julie’s tone was soft. “I love you and miss you too. Have a safe flight tomorrow.”

 

“We will.” Christen nodded. “Night, Jules.”

 

“Night, Chris.”

 

Christen hung up the phone and let it drop to the bed before she grabbed Tobin’s hand with her other one too, latching on tight as they made eye contact again.

 

They were both quiet for a few seconds until Tobin spoke first.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah.” Christen nodded slightly.

 

“If it bothers you, that’s okay.” Tobin whispered before she smiled a little, trying to show Christen  how open and maybe even a little self-deprecating she was being, given the touchiness of this subject in the past. “I hope you feel like you can tell me if you are upset about it.”

 

“I know I can.” Christen hummed as she sat up so they were face to face. “I mean it when I say I’m okay. Truly, I’m thankful that I’m no longer in that situation. Being with you is all I want.”

 

“It’s all I want, too.” Tobin whispered as she leaned in and kissed Christen’s lips softly.

 

They pulled back and just looked at each other again until Christen sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

 

“Tell me what you’re thinking.” Tobin whispered patiently.

 

Christen shrugged as she looked at the wall for a moment and then turned her face back towards Tobin.

 

“I’m just… annoyed.” She looked down at their intertwined fingers on her lap a little shyly.  

 

“With what?” Tobin wondered softly.

 

Christen didn’t lift her eyes yet as she answered. “A little bit because I feel rejected by him all over again, knowing that was never going to happen for us; but mostly because he is going to get married before I do now and I don’t feel like he deserves that.”

 

She shrugged again like she didn’t totally know how to articulate her feelings properly.

 

Tobin reached her free hand up and placed it on Christen’s cheek softly, rubbing her thumb back and forth soothingly across Christen’s cheekbone.  

 

“‘We could always go get married tomorrow…” She whispered then.

 

Christen lifted her eyes to meet Tobin’s again and Tobin gave her an easy smile, still trying to lighten the mood.

 

Christen laughed softly like Tobin had intended for her to.

 

“You’d marry me tomorrow?” Christen turned her head up in surprise. “In, like, a _legal_ way?” She teased.

 

Tobin gave her a look. “I’m never going to live that down, am I?”

 

“Probably not…”

 

“But, yeah, I would.” Tobin answered Christen’s question with a slightly joking tone. “Especially if it means beating Dominic at something.”

 

Christen gave her a side smile. “Luckily it’s not a competition, so you’re off the hook.”

 

Tobin leaned in and kissed Christen’s forehead gently. “Alright, maybe for tomorrow.” She hummed. “But I don’t want to be completely off the hook....”

 

“We should probably see if you still feel that way after you meet my family and spend a week with them.” Christen winked.

 

“We’ll table it until next week, then.” Tobin grinned.

 

They went quiet again and then Tobin had a thought. “...Speaking of Dominic, as you know I normally _don’t_ like to do,... “ She tried to smile again but it wasn’t as bright. “Can I show you something while we’re on the subject of him?”

 

It was Christen’s turn to raise her eyebrows in surprise. “Ahh... sure?”

 

Tobin took a breath and stood up to walk towards her closet. She opened the double doors before she reached up onto the shelf and grabbed a box that was tucked way back in the corner.

 

She made her way back towards the bed with the box and then set it down on the floor next to them and sat back down.

 

“I’ve been wanting to show you this for a while now.. I guess since our big fight… but I didn’t know if it was ever a good time.” Tobin explained.

 

Their eyes met again and Christen nodded softly. “It’s okay.” She promised as she tucked her legs under herself.

 

Tobin opened the flaps of the box and dug around for a second before she found what she was looking for, pulling out an old and slightly bent photograph.

 

She looked at it for a long moment, letting her eyes roam over it slowly before she turned it around and handed it to Christen so she could look at it too.

 

Christen took in breath as she looked it over just as slowly as Tobin had, biting the inside of her lip as she did.

 

It was a picture of Dominic and Jessie.

 

They were laying on a beach towel in the sand close together, smiling widely back at the camera with the sun in their eyes.  It was taken one of those disposable cameras with the wind-up crank, half faded now, with the date it was taken in the left hand corner.

 

Christen didn’t really know what to say.

 

“That’s him...” She nodded softly as if she were reconfirming everything they’d learned about their pasts crossing. She paused and then brought it a little closer to her face. “He looks so young.”

 

“Yeah, we were young.” Tobin whispered. “I took that of them the day they made it official or whatever…”

 

They both felt their stomachs twist a little at the same time from that thought.

 

“It’s the only picture I have of him.” Tobin murmured like she was explaining why she was showing it to Christen now. “Jessie didn’t keep much from when they were together but she had a few pictures and an old card and a necklace...  I threw everything else out when I finally cleaned out her things a few months after she died, but I guess I kept this one for Peyton, or something. I know she’ll ask about him seriously some day and I guess I figured I owed it to her to be able to show her who her dad is, if she wants to know.”

 

Christen nodded and looked at it once more, so easily seeing a mixture of both Dominic and Jessie’s faces as she pictured Peyton in her mind again.

 

“Jessie was really beautiful.” She hummed quietly as she handed the picture back to Tobin. “I wish I could have met her.”

 

“Me too.” Tobin nodded solemnly.

 

They both thought on it for a moment before Christen looked up at Tobin’s face again. “Wouldn’t it have been wild if we would have connected the dots this way, just by chance, instead of seeing Dominic in San Francisco?”

 

“Yeah… I’ve thought about that too.” Tobin mumbled.

 

“That may have saved us all some heartache…” Christen tried to smile but it fell a little flat.

 

Tobin felt her throat tighten a little and the faintest hint of wetness welled up in her eyes from the guilt she still felt from everything.

 

She cleared her throat once and reached her hand out to hold Christen’s. “I will never be able to apologize enough for how badly I messed up through all of that. I will regret it forever that I walked away that night and hurt you and I’m so sorry for all of it.”

 

“I know you are, honey.” Christen reached her free hand out and lifted Tobin’s chin so they could make eye contact. “It’s in the past, okay? We’ve moved past it.”

 

Tobin nodded as she scooted a little closer to her girlfriend and leaned in. “I really love you, Chris.”

 

“I really love you too.”

 

Tobin sighed again as their lips met, letting Christen relax her just like she always did.

 

She pulled back after a moment and locked eyes with Christen once more.

 

“The good thing is we get to go to California again tomorrow and make new and better memories this time around.”

 

“Yeah, it’s gonna be amazing...” Christen smiled back at her as she kissed Tobin’s lips a second time quickly. “If you ever finish packing…”

 

xxx

 

Tobin had just fallen asleep with her head resting against the airplane window when she felt a couple taps on her shoulder. She let her eyes flutter once but she didn’t open them immediately, wondering if she was imagining it from how tired she felt.

 

Their early morning flight had been in the air for an hour but the cabin was still dark as the flight attendants were still preparing to make their first round of drink service through the cabin.

 

The taps came a second time, along with Peyton’s voice whispering loudly. “Toby?”

 

Tobin lifted her head to find the kid looking at her eagerly with her headphones in her hands.

 

She had gotten Peyton’s movie screen in the seat back in front of her set up as soon as they were in the air so she figured it would keep her occupied for at least a couple hours, wondering what she could need right now.

 

Christen looked like she had also surprisingly fallen asleep in the aisle seat on the opposite side of Peyton; her head resting in one of those neck pillows looking slightly uncomfortable.

 

“Hey buddy, what’s up?” Tobin questioned as she sat up again and leaned in so she could hear her.

 

“I can’t hear my movie.”

 

Tobin glanced up at the screen as _Moana_ was on pause and then looked back at Peyton.

 

“Did you try turning the volume up?”

 

Tobin tapped on the screen in the seat back and clicked the volume up a couple notches as Peyton put her headphones back in her ears.

 

She pressed play again and waited a few seconds before Peyton took the earbuds out again.

 

“The music is really loud but I can’t hear the talking.”

 

Tobin paused the movie again, wanting to tell Peyton that she could definitely recite the words from memory by now given how many times she’s seen Moana, but instead she reached down underneath the seat in front of her and pulled her backpack out to dig around in it.

 

She found her Beats over-the-ear headphones and readjusted them to the smallest they’d go before she handed them over to Peyton and plugged the jack into the seat back.

 

“Try these. They will help make the noise quieter for you.” She smiled kindly.

 

Peyton giggled as she pulled the big headphones on and then looked over at Tobin again, making her laugh too from how ill-fitting they were.  

 

“They’re a little big, but they should work.” She winked as she pressed play on the screen for the kid again.

 

Christen opened her eyes as she registered Tobin and Peyton’s talking and lifted her head, smiling easily at the headphones that took up most of Peyton’s head.

 

“You look like a DJ.”

 

“PJ the DJ.” Tobin laughed in agreement.

 

Peyton smiled again but already had no idea what they were saying as she focused back on the movie, hearing it much better now than she had a few minutes ago.

 

Tobin reached over Peyton’s lap and grabbed Christen’s hand as they looked at each other over top the kid’s head.

 

“How you doing over there?”

 

“Sleepy,” Christen grinned and squeezed Tobin’s hand. “But good. How are you?”

 

“Tired.. And maybe a little nervous,” Tobin blinked softly. “But good.”

 

“Don’t be nervous.” Christen squeezed her fingers again. “It’s gonna be great.”

 

“I know.” Tobin smiled happily.

 

“Go back to sleep. I’ll read my book for a while so I can help her if she needs anything else.”

 

Tobin nodded with a smile and retracted her hand before she pulled her hood up over her head and settled back against the window, dozing off from the white noise around her after only a few minutes.

 

xxx

 

“Okay, seriously, they’re adorable together.”

 

Channing lowered her sunglasses with a big smile on her face as Christen and her sisters were sitting side by side on pool chairs in their parents backyard.

 

“I know you guys just got here this afternoon but I seriously love them both already.”

 

Christen turned to her left and looked over at Tobin and Peyton, too, who were standing at the edge of the pool just a few yards away. Tobin was holding the kid up over her left shoulder as Peyton was adjusting her goggles and getting ready for Tobin to toss her into the pool again, both of them giggling together at the same time.  

 

They’d been doing it over and over for the last ten minutes, and although Christen could tell Tobin was getting tired, her girlfriend was being a good sport about it anyway.

 

The same way she was the best sport about everything Peyton related; especially now that their game was making Peyton laugh harder every time she got tossed farther into the deep end.

 

“Yeah, they’re pretty easy to smile around, aren’t they?” Christen agreed easily with her younger sister’s sentiment.

 

“They are.” Tyler nodded in agreement too. “I came over here planning on taking a nap in the sun before dinner but I can’t take my eyes off of them long enough to fall asleep. They’re too much fun.”

 

Before Christen could respond again, Peyton was shouting her name to get her attention.

 

“Christen! Watch this!”

 

Christen put her hand up over her eyes to block out the sun. “I’m watching!” She shouted back.

 

Tobin counted down from three and then tossed Peyton as far as she could into the pool, as the kid scrunched her body up into a cannon ball, trying to make the biggest splash she could.

 

Peyton was already laughing again by the time she popped back up above water, quickly turning to look at Christen and her sister’s again.

 

“How was that?”

 

“So good!” Christen complimented her. “That splash was so big.”

 

“Did the water get you?”

 

“Not quite. But it came pretty close.”

 

“Aww darn it!” Peyton groaned as she started to swim back towards Tobin. “We gotta try again Toby!”

 

“Miss Peyton, are you trying to splash us?!” Tyler wondered playfully from her spot next to Christen.

 

“Yeah!” Peyton shouted back as soon as Tobin pulled her out of the pool and then she giggled. “Only cause it’s really hot out!”

 

She was right, the July sun was scorching in the Southern California afternoon, so much so that the first thing Christen, Tobin and Peyton did once they got settled in at Cody and Stacey’s was put their swimming suits on and head out to the backyard pool.  

 

Christen and her sisters had grabbed the pool chairs to suntan and Tobin and Peyton hopped right in the water, and that’s where they’d been for the last hour.

 

Tobin tossed Peyton into the water a few more times before the kid climbed out and tugged on Tobin’s arm.

 

“Toby, I gotta go to the bathroom.” She whispered.

 

“Alright, do you remember where it is?” Tobin looked down at her. “Dry off before you go inside.”

 

“Can you come with me?” Peyton requested, still feeling a little shy in front of Christen’s mom and dad to be walking around their house by herself.

 

“Yeah, sure.” Tobin nodded. “Go grab your towel by Christen.”

 

Peyton nodded and took off running around the pool towards Christen until Tobin yelled at her to walk, picking up a colorful beach towel as soon as she reached the patio table where they were sitting.

 

“You guys done swimming?” Christen looked over at Peyton as the kid wiped the water off of herself.

 

“I just hafta go inside quick.” Peyton shook her head no without elaborating why.

 

“She’s gonna use the bathroom and then I’m gonna see if your mom needs any help with getting dinner ready.” Tobin explained further as she joined the group.

 

“ _Toby..._ ” Peyton left out a huff and elbowed Tobin’s hip softly, unhappy that she had just told the rest of them why she was going inside.

 

“Sorry. I didn’t know it was a secret.” Tobin put her hands up in defense. She watched Peyton turn around and head for the house before she and Christen made eye contact and both laughed quietly.

 

“You need anything, babe?” Tobin wondered as she started to back up towards the house too.

 

“No thanks.” Christen shook her head.

 

“Channing or Tyler?”

 

“Nah, we’re good.” Tyler answered her for the both of them as she picked up her mixed drink and sucked a gulp through the straw.

 

“Cool.” Tobin nodded as she stepped inside behind Peyton and shut the door softly.

 

As soon as the door was closed Tyler turned to look at her middle sister again. “Alright, I just have to say this once because I can’t stop thinking it, but holy crap, in person, Peyton looks just like Dominic. I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to talk about him and we won’t, but I can’t get over it.”

 

Truthfully, it had taken Christen’s family a while to even believe that the world could be small enough that her ex-boyfriend would have fathered a child that her current girlfriend was raising.

 

They’d talked about it amongst themselves countless times since Christen had told them  _most_ of the whole story of her and Tobin’s trip to San Francisco, save for some of the ‘minor’ details that she’d kept to herself; but together they had vowed to not bring it up while they were visiting, even before Christen asked them all not to.

 

But just for a second, Tyler couldn’t help but comment on the most obvious part of it.

 

And Christen couldn’t blame her.

 

It was crazy.

 

“I know.” Christen whispered in response with a shake of her head. “Honestly, most of the time I can’t believe I never saw it before.”

 

She let out a long sigh then, annoyed once again at the fact that her thoughts had drifted towards Dominic more than she would have liked since her phone call with Julie the night before.

 

She looked at Tyler again and then filled them in on what her best friend had told her, deciding to just get it over with.

 

“By the way, Julie told me he’s engaged to that girl…”

 

It was quiet for a long moment while Tyler and Channing’s jaw’s both dropped as they looked over at Christen, trying to comprehend, and then believe, what she had just said.

 

Channing did her best to fix her expression quickly and then cleared her throat, realizing that Christen didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

 

“What a fucking loser.” Tyler scoffed for both of them, though.

 

She’d never had as good of a filter as her younger sister’s did.

 

“Yeah...” Christen raised her eyebrows and gave a look to the distance. “Seriously, it feels great to be completely over him though.”

 

“Does Tobin know?”

 

“Yeah, we had a really good talk about it last night, actually.” Christen nodded. She paused and then couldn’t help but smile. “She was really great about it and is trying really hard for me with all of this and it just feels nice. I feel like we’re both equally investing everything we have into making our relationship work and it’s such a good change. I didn’t realize how much I was missing that return piece before. Being with someone who actually cares about how I feel in every situation is amazing.”

 

“Good. She’s wonderful, seriously.” Tyler smiled widely too. “I already love the way she treats you. Checking on you all the time and smiling at you even when you’re not looking. It’s really sweet and I’m excited to see you be so happy.”

 

Channing and Tyler both practically giggled.

 

“She takes good care of me.” Christen looked down at her lap like she almost had to contain her joy. She felt herself get butterflies just at the thought of her girlfriend then.

 

“Yeah, she’s clearly super in love with you.” Channing agreed with Tyler’s assessment.

 

“And she’s hot.” Tyler added.

 

“And honestly, really good in bed.” Christen murmured before she bit her lip as both of her sisters started to laugh harder.

 

“Damn, sis...” Channing mused. “She’s the total package.”

 

Before they could continue their conversation further, the back patio door opened again and Peyton was leading Cody out towards the pool, rambling on about how Morena and Khaleesi would love Reese if they ever got to meet.

 

“We’re going in the pool, girls.” Cody mentioned as they passed them before he kicked off his flip flops and then looked down at Peyton with a grin.

 

They paused and then both yelled out at the same time as they ran towards the water together.

 

_“Cannon Ball!”_

 

Christen couldn’t even be mad that they all got drenched with pool water, she just loved the way Cody and Peyton high-fived as soon as they came up above the water again.

 

xxx

 

“If you need anything in the middle of the night, just come wake us up, okay?”

 

Christen and Tobin were both kneeled next to the guest bed in what used to be Tyler’s bedroom, tucking Peyton in for the night just down the hall from Christen’s childhood room.

 

It was past eleven by now but they had been having so much fun talking with Christen’s family around the fire pit after dinner that Tobin didn’t make Peyton get ready for bed until she was practically asleep in her lap.

 

Morena was lying next to the kid on the pillows and Khaleesi was at the foot of the bed, settling in next to their new favorite person for the night, which gave Christen a little solace. Not that Peyton needed it, but still, Christen wanted to make sure she had some company and was completely comfortable for her first night in a new place.

 

“Okay.” Peyton nodded as she pulled the covers up a little higher. “And tomorrow, are we gonna go surfing in the morning?”

 

“Yeah, we’re going to the beach tomorrow.” Tobin answered her. “I’ve gotta get some practice in before the competition starts on Wednesday.”

 

“Christen’s daddy said he wanted to learn to surf so I’m gonna teach him tomorrow when we go.” Peyton informed them.

 

“Oh boy.” Christen chuckled. “That should be fun to watch.”

 

“Toby, can he use one of your surfboards? I don’t think mine is big enough cause he’s really tall.”

 

“Yeah,” Tobin smiled easily. “We’ll get him set up so you can show him the ropes, alright?”

 

“Okay.” Peyton grinned as she rolled over onto her side.

 

“Did you have fun today, bud?”

 

“Yeah a lot of fun.” She nodded rapidly. “California is a really cool place.”

 

Tobin and Christen looked at each other and smiled.

 

“I’m glad you think so. I’m very happy that you’re both here with me.” Christen smoothed the comforter out on Peyton’s legs.

 

“So are we.” Tobin murmured as she wrapped an arm around Christen’s waist as they were on their knees close together and pulled her into her side while letting her left hand rest on Peyton’s stomach so they were all connected.

 

“Alright dude, sleep good okay?” Tobin reached up and ruffled Peyton’s hair. ”We’ve got so much fun to have tomorrow and the faster you fall asleep the faster it’ll be here.”

 

“K.” Peyton couldn’t help but yawn.

 

“Love you to the moon and back.” Tobin hummed, putting her pointer finger up for Peyton to touch.

 

“Up to the stars and back down to the sea.” Peyton whispered as she touched Tobin’s finger first and then moved over to Christen.

 

“Love you to the moon and back.” Christen repeated with a smile as she pressed her finger to Peyton’s just like Tobin had.

 

“And to everywhere in between.” Peyton finished her new addition to the bedtime routine, which she’d specially made for Christen after she started spending the night at their house again a couple months ago.

 

They weren’t aware that Stacey had come upstairs and stopped at the doorway of the guest room, watching their nightly routine from the background with a look of admiration.

 

Stacey couldn’t help but give away her presence though as she all but sighed dreamily at their adorableness, making Christen and Tobin turned their heads to see what the noise was.

 

She was leaning against the door frame with her hand over her heart.

 

“Hey, mom.” Christen grinned. “The dogs are gonna sleep with Peyton tonight, okay?”

 

“Oh, of course honey.” She nodded, “I was just popping in to say goodnight.”

 

She looked over their heads towards where Peyton was tucked in under the covers and waved with a motherly smile. “Night, Peyton. It’s really great to have you here.”

 

“Good night.” Peyton beamed right back at her.

 

Tobin stood up and leaned down to kiss Peyton’s head. “See ya in the morning.”

 

“Night, cutie.” Christen stood up then too and made her way towards the door.

 

Tobin shut the overhead light off so that the nightlight in the corner illuminated and then pulled the door closed softly once they were out in the hallway, smiling at Christen’s mom as she waited on them.

 

“I’m heading to bed myself.” Stacey murmured quietly. “I like to try and fall asleep before Dad starts snoring.”

 

“Oh, so that’s where Christen’s get it, huh?” Tobin quipped.

 

“Oh whatever,” Christen rolled her eyes and swatted Tobin’s arm. “I do not snore.”

 

Stacey laughed as Christen stepped into her for a hug. “Night, momma. I love you.”

 

“Love you too, sweetie.” Stacey hummed. “I’m glad you’re home.”

 

She let go of Christen and then opened her arms for Tobin, too. “I’m glad you’re here too, Tobin.”

 

“Me too,” Tobin hugged her quickly. “Night.”

 

“Sleep well.” Stacey called over her shoulder as she headed for her room at the end of the hall.

 

Christen and Tobin got ready for bed together in the bathroom and then Christen ran downstairs to grab some water while Tobin got settled under the covers in Christen’s room, admiring the pictures of Christen’s high school and college soccer days on the dresser as she waited on her girlfriend to come back upstairs.

 

She flipped over onto her stomach after a minute and was almost falling asleep already when Christen pushed the door shut quietly.

 

She put the glass of water she was carrying down on the nightstand and then shut the light off before she climbed into bed next to Tobin.

 

“I haven’t seen you wear this many clothes to bed since we started dating, or probably ever.” Christen teased as she settled under the sheets.

 

Tobin opened her eyes again and looked at Christen without moving her head off the pillow. “I’m wearing a t-shirt and shorts…”

 

“You’re wearing a sports bra…” Christen reached up and snapped the band of it against Tobin’s back over her shirt with a quiet yet purposeful laugh. “I’ve literally never seen you sleep in a bra before.”

 

Tobin slid her arms under the pillow above her and nuzzled her head in a little deeper. “I’m also wearing underwear, just in case you try any funny business.”

 

“Ugh.” Christen whined as she attempted to find Tobin’s hand under the pillow. “Don’t you at least wanna touch my boobs for a little bit?”

 

“Nope.” Tobin shook her head but couldn’t hide her smile.

 

“I know deep down you do.”

 

“I’m not going to though.”

 

“You’re no fun.” Christen sighed, pretending she was upset.

 

“Babe, the first thing your dad said to me when we got here this afternoon was that my sleeping spot was on the couch….”

 

“He was joking!”

 

“I’m not risking it.” Tobin chuckled and rolled onto her side as she reached out for Christen. “But I do wanna cuddle... If you’d be so kind as to get your cute butt over here...”

 

“I suppose…” Christen grinned as she scooted towards Tobin and lifted her head to press a kiss to her lips in the dark.

 

Tobin kissed her back a couple times before they both rested their heads down on the same pillow and went quiet.

 

It was a few minutes that they laid there in silence as Christen concentrated on the soft breaths that were tickling her skin from the way Tobin was nuzzled into the pillow just a little higher up than she was; her lips lightly brushing against Christen’s forehead as she breathed through her nose.

 

Christen would have sworn Tobin had already fallen asleep until she twitched slightly and then whispered through half consciousness.

 

“Love you, baby.”

 

Christen sighed contently and then hugged Tobin a little tighter as she buried her face into her chest, “I love you too.”

 

Loving that she could feel butterflies in her stomach again until she finally drifted to sleep.  

 

xxx

 

“Wow! Look at all these people!” Cody elbowed Peyton softly while they stood next to his car in the parking lot.

 

They were across the street from the Huntington Beach Pier and they could see the grandstand set up for the Vans US Open of Surfing in the distance.

 

“Are they all here just for Tobin?!”

 

“Umm,” Peyton thought on it seriously for a moment. “I think they’re here for everyone but Toby is probably their favorite.” The kid responded confidently.

 

“Ahhhh.” Cody surmised and then melted into an easy chuckle. “You’re probably right. She’s not your favorite though, is she?”

 

“Yeah because she’s my Toby!” Peyton practically shouted as Christen came around the rear of the car to grab the beach bag out of the trunk. “And she wins like almost all the time and I saw one of her last competitions and she won by like so much! I don’t remember how much but she got a lot of points. Right Christen, do you remember that?”

 

Peyton was breathing heavily as she bounced up on her toes from her sudden burst of excitement, making Christen and Stacey laugh at the same time.

 

“I do remember that.” Christen nodded as she slammed the trunk closed again. “That was so much fun when we were on Oahu.”

 

“And, Cody, guess what!” Peyton continued as they started to walk towards the beach.

 

“What’s that?” He smiled down at her.

 

“Umm, for this competition, Toby still has the yellow jersey which means she is the leader and she gets to pick all the waves and everyone wants to watch her because she’s the best.” Peyton explained.  

 

“Well, let’s go watch that Superstar, huh?” He laughed again as he put his hand on her shoulder to lead them across the parking lot.

 

It was still an hour before the competition was set to start, but Tobin had been drawn in the first group of the day, so they made sure they were arriving plenty early so that they could get a good spot in the sand to watch her whole session.

 

Christen passed the beach bag to her dad so that she could hold Peyton’s hand as they crossed the road and weaved through the hoards of people near the boardwalk until they finally made it to the beach and inside the gated off competition area.

 

“So last time it was really helpful to be near to commentators.” Christen mentioned to her mom and dad as they tried to figure out where to put their towels and beach chairs to set up their home base. “Do you think we should do that again, Peyton?”

 

“Yeah!” Peyton nodded. “Cause they say really cool things about Toby the whole time.”

 

“And they help me understand what’s going on.” Christen laughed honestly.

 

Once they found their spot for the day and lathered up with sunscreen, Christen sent Tobin a text to let her know they made it.

 

 **{Hot Girlfriend: 11:10 am}** _We’re here over by the commentators booth if you wanna come say hi._

 

Tobin had left Cody and Stacey’s early this morning and had been at the beach for a few hours already, going through her pre-competition routine and making sure she was checked in and ready to go, and she was now chilling in the athletes tent as they waited to start.

 

She responded almost instantly.

 

 **{Tobin <3: 11:10 am}** _Sweet, I’ll head your way._

 

It took Tobin a few minutes to find them through the crowd, given the fact that more than a few people stopped her along the way to ask for pictures or autographs, but eventually she made it over to where Peyton and Christen and her parents were at.

 

“Toby!” Peyton ran the last few feet when she saw her approaching as her excitement levels rose even more.

 

“Hey, buddy.” Tobin smiled and lifted her up for a big hug.

 

She set her down and then smiled at the rest of the group. “Hey guys, I’m glad you made it.”

 

“Us too, this is pretty cool.” Cody returned as he looked around again. “Peyton tells me all these people are here just for you….”

 

Peyton started to laugh as Tobin looked down at her. “You tellin’ stories again, PJ?” Tobin ruffled her hair.

 

“No!” The kid laughed harder. “I only said a lot of people watch you, not _everyone_!”

 

“Alright.” Tobin grinned happily before she took a step towards Christen. “Hi, you…” She reached out for her girlfriend.

 

“Hi.” Christen smiled back as she took Tobin’s hand. “How are you feeling?”

 

“I’m feeling super.”

 

“Super duper?”

 

“Super duper.” Tobin mused as they made eye contact.

 

They both couldn’t help but laugh softly at their own stupidness as Christen stepped closer to Tobin and put her hands on her shoulders to massage them.

 

“You amped up and ready to win?”

 

“I hope so. I’m feeling pretty loose but I’m also kind of nervous.”

 

“Why are you nervous?”

 

“Important crowd today.” Tobin winked. “I have to im _Press_ your mom and dad since they’ve never seen me compete before.”

 

“And my sisters….” Christen raised her eyebrows with a warning. “They’ll be here shortly with their boys.”

 

“Geez, the pressure…” Tobin sighed sarcastically and then laughed. “Get it, _Press_ -sure.”

 

Christen rolled her eyes. “You can leave again if you’re gonna keep dropping Press puns.”

 

“You love me.” Tobin hummed as she leaned in to kiss Christen’s lips.

 

Christen kissed her back quickly. “I do. I can’t wait to watch you again. I’m so excited.”

 

“Yeah, it should be fun.” Tobin nodded as she stepped back again. “I should get back into the tent though, I’ve gotta get my jersey and bib on before they start to announce us.”

 

“Go get em.” Christen put her hand up for a high-five. “Good luck. I love you.”

 

“Love you.” Tobin fived Christen’s hand and then looked at the others. “See you guys after. I hope you have fun!”

 

“Good luck Tobin!” Stacey waved her off.

 

“Bye, Toby! Pick really big waves!” Peyton smiled from where she had sat down to make a sand castle next to their towels.

 

Tobin winked at Christen again and then turned around and walked off before disappearing into the crowd again.

 

xxx

 

**_“You’re watching the World Surf League Championship Tour live from Huntington Beach, California at the Vans US Open of Surfing. I’m Martin Potter along with Ross Williams and we’re coming to you live throughout the day.”_ **

 

Christen looked over at her family excitedly as the two announcers near them started talking into their microphones for the TV broadcast.

 

 **_“Big early session here this morning with Tobin Heath, Nikki_ ** **_Van Dijk, and Paige Moore first to go. The world title race is on and we couldn’t be more excited to bring you all the coverage.”_ **

 

The group had watched Tobin and her two competitors paddle out a few minutes ago to loud cheers from the crowd on the beach and in the grandstand, and Christen figured that it must be about to start since the TV commentators had clearly gone live.

 

Tobin seemed calm and relaxed out there from what Christen could tell, smiling as she bobbed on her board and talked with the other two surfers as they waited on their starting horn.

 

“So how does this work, honey?” Stacey wondered with her hand over her eyes as she looked at the water.

 

“Basically, once the horn sounds, they have thirty minutes to catch as many waves as they want, and their two highest scoring runs are counted from the whole time.” Christen explained it simply. “And the two surfers who have the highest point totals in each heat of this round advance to the finals. There will be a few different sessions, but Tobin just happens to be in the first one of the day.”

 

“I’m just gonna cheer whenever Tobin goes.” Tyler laughed as she put her hands up in confusion.

 

“Me too!” Peyton nodded. “Her tricks are gonna be so cool!”

 

A minute later the loud horn finally rang out over the beach, indicating that the time had started and the crowd roared again as they waited on the first surfer to make a move towards a wave.

 

**_“Tobin Heath, current U.S. standout from the Island of Kauai is the headliner here, being a two time Champ and the current leader of the 2018 Championship Tour, but Paige Moore will certainly try to give her a run for it today.”_ **

 

**_“Yeah, Marty, we’ve definitely got a battle with two long-time rivals going head to head to kick off this heat. These two have had some epic battles over the years.”_ **

 

It was pretty low key for the first ten minutes as the surfers took their turns evenly on some smaller waves, getting themselves warmed up and comfortable before implementing any of their harder moves.

 

Tobin had a decent run halfway through that scored her a 6.28, but it was nowhere near what she was capable of because the big waves just weren’t coming in yet.

 

Peyton was anxiously pacing up and down the sand in front of where Christen’s family was sitting, shouting out commands to Tobin like she was coaching and pretending like Tobin was able to hear her.

 

It made Christen smile to see how the kid was even more into it than last time they watched together, and it made Tyler and Channing laugh lovingly every time Peyton had something to say.

 

They’d call her over to them every few minutes to ask her questions or have her explain what Tobin was doing or why the surfers weren’t trying for very many waves.

 

Christen stayed in her spot the whole time, listening to the commentary nervously as she tried to understand why Tobin wasn’t really going for it yet.

 

**_“All three surfers here are being extra patient for their waves, hoping that it’ll pay off before the time runs out. What they don’t want to do is wait too long and not get any good waves and have their runs be wasted.”_ **

 

**_“Yeah, Ross, I’d start taking some bigger risks here if it were me.”_ **

 

Finally with about five minutes to go, the tide seemed to change a bit and near 10 footers were consistently coming towards the shore, making the tricks easier and bigger for each of the surfers.

 

Tobin had her best run of the day where she scored a 9.21, thanks to a few clean snaps off the lip and a nice roundhouse cutback before she rode into flat water and dunked under the water.

 

That got the crowd excited and worked up again as she paddled back out.

 

“One more, come on babe!” Christen cheered loudly along with the other fans as Tobin got in position again out in deep water. “Let’s go Tobin!”

 

“Come on Toby!” Peyton mimicked Christen’s enthusiasm.

 

They both stood up when the MC announced that they had entered the final minute of the heat, knowing Tobin was surely going to make one last run to try and better her score.

 

The commentators seemed to get into it, too.

 

**_“Paige Moore and Tobin Heath are shoulder to shoulder next to each other on their boards here as they look for one last wave.”_ **

 

**_“Yeah, often times they’re fighting for priority and it looks like Paige has some room here so the priority will go to Tobin.”_ **

 

Tobin started to paddle as a large wave reached its crest underneath her, but so did her competitor, until they were both hitting full speed with their boards still practically touching.

 

**_“What’s going on here, Marty? Neither of them are backing down and this might be disaster…”_ **

 

Christen’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion as she saw Tobin and the other surfer, Paige, both stand up on their boards at the same time, trying to claim the biggest wave of the day as their own.

 

They rode it about five feet together before Paige’s board swerved and she cut into Tobin, throwing them both off balance recklessly.

 

Cody stood up then from his chair too because suddenly Tobin’s board flew up into the air without her as she disappeared under the water as the wave barreled towards the shore.

 

**_“Oh, and we’ve got a fall!”_ **

 

Everyone around them let out audible gasps in concern.

 

**_“Looks like Paige Moore just crossed Tobin Heath up there. Heath, of course, is wearing the Yellow Jersey and she definitely had the position there to take that wave but Paige Moore started and she wasn’t going to give it up and they’ve both fallen.”_ **

 

“What the hell!” Christen yelled out as she took a few steps towards the water in concern.

 

She stopped herself quickly and then backed up again because she wanted to hear the commentators take on what had just happened.

 

_**“Watching on the replay here and oh, yeah, Tobin basically just cartwheeled into a ten foot barrel. She definitely took the worst of it here. Looks like her board may have hit her up high too.”** _

 

The commentators were watching the replay on the small TV monitor they had in their booth and they both winced as Christen watched them.

 

_**“Oh man, what a scary crash to end this heat. Easily the worst wipe out we’ve seen today. The crowd here is definitely holding their breath as these two fierce competitors come back up out of the water.”** _

 

Christen looked back at the ocean in front of her to try and find Tobin as two rescue jet skis rode over to where the fall had taken place.

 

**_“I just don’t know what Paige Moore was doing there? You gotta back off when you see the leader make a move towards a wave, especially when they’ve got priority on it.”_ **

 

**_“Yeah, who knows if they had any communication on it beforehand but it’s not a good look for sure. That’s pretty basic surfing etiquette”_ **

 

Peyton had been standing close to the edge of the water and suddenly realized she still couldn’t see Tobin either as she ran back towards Christen. “Christen, where’s Toby!” She wondered loudly with the concern evident in her voice.  

 

“I”m… not sure yet.” Christen answered her hesitantly as Stacey stood up then too.

 

Christen watched on the TV monitor as Tobin was pulled out of the water onto one of the medical jet skis and then the camera zoomed in just as the announcer spoke up again.

 

**_“Oh man, we’ve got a lot of blood.”_ **

 


End file.
